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The Grief of an Empty Nest · Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

• 0:01
  Bart Leger: For more than twenty years, Joe Savage's house was
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  full of noise. Four kids will do that. There were carpools and
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  there was always somebody needing something. It wore her
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  out plenty of days and it was also her whole life. Then came
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  the morning she'd known was coming and still wasn't ready
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  for. The kids were grown and gone and the house was empty
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  except for her. She poured a cup of coffee and stood in her own
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  kitchen and something rose up in her that she didn't expect.
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  We'll come back to what it was, but first,
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  welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger.
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  Catherine and I first felt this at the dinner table. For years,
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  we set that table for five. Then one night, it was two plates and
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  a whole lot of table left over. We sat down and ate and neither
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  one of us said much. I kept catching myself listening for
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  somebody to come through the door. Nobody did. I've spent a
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  career across the table from people in every kind of loss you
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  can name and I still wasn't ready for what a table for two
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  would do to me. The empty nest is one of the more disappointing
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  transitions in adult life. The house feels different in a way
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  it hasn't in 20 years. You walk past a bedroom that's made up
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  and stays made up all The rhythm you built your whole life around,
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  practices and the late-night talks in the kitchen isn't there
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  anymore. And here's what makes it confusing. You're proud of
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  your kids, and you wanted this. You worked 20 years for exactly
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  this outcome, and you missed them anyway. Both of these are
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  true at the same time, and most people have no idea what to do
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  with that. So you stand around in a house with more room than
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  you know what to do with. their last one just left. Psalm 127,
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  3-5
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  Let's start there, because that's where the grief is coming
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  from. Nobody mourns something that meant little to them. The
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  ache in that kitchen is the evidence of what those 20 years
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  meant. Then, stay with the picture David gives us. Arrows
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  in a warrior's hands. An arrow is built to leave the quiver.
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  Every part of it, the weight and the sharpened point, is shaped
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  for the moment of release. A warrior who never fires one has
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  a nice collection and an unfinished job. The releasing
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  was always the reason for the making. So, the empty house is
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  what the work looks like when it succeeds. That's a strange
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  sentence to hear while you're standing in the kitchen crying.
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  And it's still true. You launched them. And the launching
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  was the assignment God handed you the day they were born.
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  Here's the part people get wrong on the way to that.
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  cancel the grief over it. Every good ending has a loss buried in
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  it somewhere. Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb, and he was
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  minutes away from raising the man. He knew that, and he cried
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  anyway. So you can believe every word of Psalm 127 and still
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  stand in a made-up bedroom and cry. All right. Both of those
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  belong to the same faith. Give the grief its time. Don't rush
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  yourself through it. And don't let anybody suggest that being
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  proud of your kid means you're finished missing them. It was
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  grief. Jill felt the ache of it as she stood there, missing the
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  carpools and the ordinary racket she used to wish away. She let
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  the tears come instead of talking herself out of them.
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  What she learned from it and what she'd tell any parent
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  standing in the same empty kitchen... Is that this kind of
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  grief is normal. And it won't feel this way forever. You
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  raised them to go. Now you get to grieve, and then you get to
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  wonder what God has next. Look at what Jill did in that kitchen.
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  She let the tears come. She never argued herself out of them
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  or lectured herself about being grateful. And what she'd tell
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  you is the part that you need most today. That this grief is
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  normal, and it won't feel this way forever. When it has done
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  its work, and you'll know when, you can start asking God what He
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  plans to do with all that space. Here's today's challenge. Go
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  stand in one of those empty rooms today long enough to feel
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  it. Don't fix it, and don't turn into an office this week. Say
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  something like this out loud while you're in there. God, I
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  did what You gave me to do. Thank You for every year of it.
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  Then, send your kid one line with nothing attached to it that
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  they have to answer. Just tell them that You love them. Father,
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  thank You for every child You have loaned to the parents
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  listening right now. Thank You for the noise and for every year
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  of the work, for the ones standing in a house that got
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  still on them. Meet them where they are, and let them cry
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  without any shame in it. Remind them that the going was always
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  the goal, and watch over the ones who drove away tonight.
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  When the grieving has done its work, show these parents what
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  You have for them next. In Jesus' name, amen. This podcast
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  runs on the generosity of listeners just like you. If
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  Daily Devotions for Busy Lives has encouraged you, would you
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  consider supporting it with a one-time gift or by becoming a
• 5:10
  monthly supporter? Every contribution helps keeps these
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  devotions coming every day of the week. You can give at
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  dailydevotionsforbusylives.com you so much. And thanks for
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  joining me on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, the
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  arrow was always built to fly, and you're allowed to miss it
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  while it does. Give the grief its time, and let God show you
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  what comes next. Come back next time for more encouragement to
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  help you live grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless,
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  and have a great day.