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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just - The Outer Path to Inner Humility 4.20.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  His idea over here to explain how to develop humility was
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  actually a very strange thing to work on.
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  How do you develop humility? Do you put yourself down?
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  How do you develop humility? So he says the 1st and main
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  approach is slowly in your actions start to adapt a new
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  way. K is so used to being humble.
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  That really means used to now. Reacting so fast.
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  He's not expecting so much Coverwood.
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  He's not demanding so much. Dressing in a less flashy way,
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  literally carrying yourself in a less loud way, in a quiet way.
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  He's telling you it'll make you humbler.
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  But the key is hair girl. Her girl means getting used to
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  it step by step. If you try to design this
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  extreme, it'll go nowhere. It has to be in stages.
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  It has to become natural like any other character development.
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  It's useless if it's unnatural. If it's not genuine and it's not
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  natural, it's a waste of time. Person says one day I want to be
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  humble. I I know I'm a loud guy and I
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  make a lot of noise and I talk about myself a lot.
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  I really want to be low key. It's not going to work.
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  You pull, you pull up the Band-Aid too fast, it's not
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  going to work. You need to do it in steps and
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  he needs to mesh with your character and it's become one.
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  That's what he's telling you, which means one day you have a
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  scenario, you don't respond to a comment, that's humility.
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  Another scenario, you don't get respect, you don't care, that's
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  humility. You have an option of wearing a
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  very loud clothing or a quieter clothing, and there's such a
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  thing out there. You choose the quieter one.
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  You don't buy the flashiest thing, you don't purchase the
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  shopper's car, that's humility. And these different things
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  slowly but surely bring us back to being a more overall low
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  level, not low level, Excuse me, low key and high character
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  person. Let's read it together. 467
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  quine bioteva levada azua hollitnasse.
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  You're finding a nature which is really built in to to feel
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  conceited and to be superior, right?
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  To translate in English. We are inclined to be arrogant.
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  Anything goes our way. We think it's ours.
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  We think it's our success. Casia lav la corme Quran Tia
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  tibitas. You find nature and it's very
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  difficult to find nature. Elam Kane if you follow a lot,
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  hakito not hamisrot biado. The only way to fight this
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  nature is to use your actions that are in your hands.
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  Yamchi maat maat slowly, slowly hakavadi.
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  You pull yourself and you pull your mind.
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  You use your outer actions to impact your interactions, which
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  means I cannot control my mind fully.
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  I cannot control the fact that I am inclined, inclined to think
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  that I'm a big deal. It's to make up of a human
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  being. We all have a very much an
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  inclination and a tilt to arrogance.
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  What we need to do is to pull ourselves to be humble.
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  And you pull yourself by your outer moves, what you wear,
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  where you sit, how you talk, what you do, how you respond, or
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  you're out of actions. If you carry them in a humble
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  way, the result will be that eventually you'll see yourself
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  in more of a humble way. This is not making myself into
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  nothing. This is rather than making
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  myself into as we want a very high character person through
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  this method. But again, the key is use your
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  actions to pull you to the middle.
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  Use your actions to bring out and yourself a humble style.
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  Because what happens is I reflect the way I am.
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  So if I walk in with my chest out, my head held high and I
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  talk very loud and I demand a lot, then I will reflect that in
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  my mind and I'll be arrogant If I do the it's literally the
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  opposite. I come in, I sit in the back, I
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  come in, I talk soft, don't demand much, don't respond,
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  don't get upset when somebody ignores me.
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  All the regular humble things that automatically in my mind, I
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  will reflect that and I'll be there.
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  That's what he's telling us, how it works.
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  It's not typical character building.
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  Typical character building. We tell you in your mind to
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  think the right thing will do the right thing in this area.
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  He's telling you you can't just think the right thing won't
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  happen. You need to live the right way
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  and then you'll think the right thing.
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  You can't just think, let me be humble.
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  It will not change your character.
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  It won't do it changing your character on your mind when this
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  area will not work other areas, yes, this area won't work.
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  You need the action, you need the external and that'll help
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  you reflect the internal. That's how far it goes.
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  This is the included in the concept of the Rabbi saying
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  lolang ya Adam Arun viira. A person should always be
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  resourceful in his pursuit of fear of Hashem.
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  I know Shiva kesh takpulot. This is one of those areas.
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  They need tricks. *** a Teva. You need to convince yourself.
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  You need to fool yourself to becoming humble.
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  You can't just accept the fact I like humility.
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  I'll therefore be humble 'cause you'll think you're humble, you
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  won't actually be it. You'll think in your mind, like
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  we said once and he brings a humility can actually be one of
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  the greatest forms of arrogance. When a person thinks they're
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  humble, they're not. They're the most arrogant
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  person. What they're thinking is they
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  deserve credit for their humility as well.
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  It's another source of arrogance.
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  I deserve to be well liked or to be well appreciated or to be
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  well known because I'm known to be the humble rabbi.
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  That's a double sketch. That's what happens to a person.
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  Literally that's what happens to a person if they just try
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  humility without figuring out a way to get themselves humble.
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  If the gaze of humble by saying to yourself, I don't really want
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  to carry myself and the arrogant way.
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  I don't want to be loud. I don't want to wear loud, I
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  don't want to talk loud. I don't want to respond loud.
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  I don't want to get angry loud. I don't want to get insulted in
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  that loud way. Those are all forms of loud.
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  Instead, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet and the outcome will be
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  from within. I will demand less.
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  It is literally a try to choose practice.
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  How do you keep yourself at Bay by demanding less?
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  How so? By literally not expecting so
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  much. That's it.
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  So you walk into a place and how you want them to cater to you.
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  You're already down the arrogant track.
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  You walk into a place. Let's do go to a restaurant,
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  right? You go to a restaurant, you're
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  waiting for a seat and you're waiting and you see they give
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  the next to the other guy a seat, right?
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  It's a packed restaurant. You waiting there.
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  You and your wife, he's staying there.
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  He took your wife out. It's the first time in two
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  weeks, 3 weeks, taking her out to a shop listed here, All
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  right? And now he's standing there or
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  he's staying there and you see them give the other couple a
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  seat first. Maybe you even got there first.
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  All right, there's they're two people.
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  You are two people. He gives the other guy the
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  exactly that is literally a trigger for a flare up.
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  Like I have a you're going to doctor correct right.
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  So right there. You know the all right, exactly.
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  You have very much because again, none of us are bad
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  people. Play up you ready?
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  None of us are bad people and therefore none of us ever will.
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  Just they're not thinking about other people.
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  Very good. True, right?
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  True. What if he sees you and calls
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  you in fact, wait, wait your turn.
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  What's wrong with waiting your turn?
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  You know, it's all fair. It's all true.
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  But the emotion that comes out, which is how could they take
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  them before me? And then the feeling of like,
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  you know, who are they and who am I and all these dudes that go
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  through your mind to some degree.
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  Now, if it's a strange restaurant, they don't know you.
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  Doesn't make a difference, but there's some degree of a feeling
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  like you do feel a little bit embarrassed.
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  When you go to that doctor's office and he picks people up in
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  front of you all the time, and you're way too behind that one.
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  It. Even goes like when, when that
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  happens, you say to yourself, I got to stand up for me and my
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  wife because my wife's going to think I that's.
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  All playing into a very normal guy, a very overall nice
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  character person. I've seen this and it has driven
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  me crazy. I've seen nice people flip out
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  about the meat being rare, flip out on the under waiters.
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  I remember the scene as once as probably 15 years ago, maybe
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  more. I remember like sweating
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  watching the verse. Just yell at the rated waiter,
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  regular nice guy. Why do you yell?
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  Obviously he wants to meet the right way.
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  I understand that. But there's a sense of I paid
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  for it. Entitlement.
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  Maybe he's sitting with his wife.
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  Maybe they didn't really. They give the other person, they
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  give me the other person more attention, whatever it is.
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  We use all areas that regular people can lose their regular
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  self. And that's exactly where it's
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  time for practice. Because in those spots, you
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  know, in those spots, you say to yourself, I guess I won my seat.
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  I'm not happy about waiting around.
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  Clock is ticking. I want to, it's already late.
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  We came late. All these things, you could say
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  all those points, but the anger, that anger is coming directly
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  from a sense of not being treated properly.
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  And that's fine. But if it's coming from that,
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  you're tiptoeing on a world of arrogance.
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  And what you need is in those scenarios, a couple of those
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  response would be, of course, you ask, you push, you proud,
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  you convince, you do whatever you do that gets you the seat.
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  I'm with you on that. You got to be.
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  That's why at the end of the day, but but the anger part
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  which means right. They did the first anger part,
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  which is only coming from a sense of why are they treating
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  me wrong, which really means I deserve to be treated right,
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  which really means something special.
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  You go deeper and deeper. Those layers are built that
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  arrogance into practice that comes out from the non response
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  as a very good practice to make you a humble person.
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  He's actually telling you it's the only practice that'll make
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  you humble. Thinking and committing in your
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  mind to be humble will not be effective 'cause like we said,
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  you'll mix your ability right into the arrogant way and you
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  become a humble, arrogant person.
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  And you want to know if there's such a thing out there?
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  There are many, many people out there who are humble, arrogant
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  people. OK.
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  It's actually very difficult to be humble because it requires
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  being stepped on a lot, right? And that's really what this
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  concept is. Accept the degree of being
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  stepped on. A we said many times, and if I
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  work at today, one of the big themes are don't be taken
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  advantage of. It's a big time theme out there.
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  Don't be taking advantage of them.
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  Now they blend that into the world of abuse and that's true.
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  A person should not allow themselves to be abused in any
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  fashion. It's very dangerous.
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  That's clear. Dangerous for their mind,
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  dangerous for their body, dangerous for everything.
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  To be abused is torture. Fair, but it but the overall
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  theme of I'm not going to let that go.
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  I'm going to take advantage of them.
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  I'm going to tell them off. I'm messing up to them.
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  That whole mindset which leads to the guy who rides his bike,
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  who walks across the street by the crosswalk, who watches as
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  you pull up a little too close to the crosswalk and gives you
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  that stare down. You know that stare down and
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  they walk by you. They give you a look as if like
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  where they get the strength to do that stare down.
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  They as you have a bike, you have $100,000 car.
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  So what's with the stare down? Who's who?
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  The answer is that is that mindset of can't be taken
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  advantage of. You gotta treat them the right
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  way. That's where they get that
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  little head from. But that is American head.
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  That is not a Jewish mindset. It's not a Jewish mindset.
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  It's a Jewish mindset to be anti anti abuse.
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  It's a Jewish mindset to be treated properly.
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  But to demand esteem that I shouldn't be taking advantage
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  of. It's arrogance and arrogance and
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  arrogance. A humble person is taking
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  advantage of between you and I thousands and millions to maybe
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  even millions of times of life. And you know what?
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  He functions just fine. He's rolling.
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  His life is better than theirs anyway, right.
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  The humble burst. They're happy in their own way.
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  Yeah. They don't need it's true
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  happiness in a way. Yeah, they exactly.
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  They're not dependent on how they're treated and how they
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  were looked at to make them who they are.
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  That's the overall beauty of adapting this way as it
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  eventually your life, it flows so much more.
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  You said this last week, a guy who responds to every one of
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  these things, his life is so choppy and so literally such an
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  unravel and such a, what's the word, unsettled life.
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  Because every other minute they, oh, they're having this.
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  They didn't invite me. Oh, they're doing this.
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  They didn't tell me. Oh, my assistant was doing this.
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  How come I had no less? All right, so and so was dating.
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  They didn't tell me. Oh, it turns out they weren't
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  dating. They were just thinking about
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  dating. OK, you just lost a day on a
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  sign that wasn't real, right? These examples, they, they, they
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  tell me first they hurt me and by the meal they didn't, they
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  turned to me, they gave me a bad seat.
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  All the classics, right? And all that was this one person
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  with feelings of degrees of arrogance, expecting to be
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  treated well. And all that person needed was a
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  pill. I would tell him, chill out,
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  enjoy life. Don't be so dependent on other
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  people. You take that pill in your mind,
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  you're golden. You have the same level of
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  credit anyhow. You cannot force people to treat
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  you well and doesn't work. They might treat you well in
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  front of you, but they don't want to treat you well.
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  What's that worth? What's it worth to demand?
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  Being treated well makes you feel better behind your back.
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  You're talking about you anyway, behind your back.
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  They don't respect you, right? In fact, they see the weakness,
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  they see the demands. If all they see is a person who
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  is really external or not internal, how much better is it
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  to not be the person who forces people to sweat?
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  How much nicer is it if you're the person that walks into the
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  room and no one's unsettled because of you?
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  No one's uncomfortable. No one's nervous to respond to
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  thing. That is actually a theme called
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  one person. Matil Emma.
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  He puts fear in the room. He don't want that person
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  around. Hey, Yeah.
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  You get together. It's in deal with the boys.
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  And now that you have a choice, should that person come?
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  Should that not come? Well, if they come, they're
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  going to be annoying. If they don't come, it's going
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  to be chills. Who do I want?
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  I don't want that person there. Right.
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  So here's the person who made demands because they expect to
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  be treated well. And all they're doing to say to
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  themselves is we'd rather not have you.
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  You know what that means? You're being treated well in
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  front of your face, but treating terrible behind your back.
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  So humility in this fashion of demanding, being treated well
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  with arrogance. And the flip side, humility,
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  which is not demanding, actually, it's going to get you
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  treated way better in the long run.