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What Comes Out When Life Squeezes You? · “I” Of The Hurricane

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me when I say I know what it's like to make your own life difficult.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Does your life feel like Groundhog Day on repeat?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane Podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Want to quickly learn something about yourself?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just grab an orange.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: So it was two decades ago that Wayne Dyer used this analogy, and it has always stuck with me.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And the question is if I squeeze this orange, what comes out?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And the obvious answer, orange juice.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what if I drop it or I step on it or I throw it against the wall?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's still orange juice.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because the source of the pressure changes, but the actual result with orange juice coming out doesn't because that's what's on the inside.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So here's where that orange analogy gets really interesting.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: When life squeezes us, what comes out?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm talking about everyday things that we endure.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we go to work and someone cuts us off.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or we go to the restaurant and our order comes out wrong.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or our spouse, who knows us so well, pushes that one button.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: The last one, you could call customer service because your$297 disappeared, and poor Judy from Seven States Away answers the phone.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, Judy didn't take your$297, but she might find out what's on the inside of your orange.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't mean that judgmentally, but it can be eye-opening to notice what comes out of us and what comes out of the people around us.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we usually focus on whatever applied the pressure.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the blame goes.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: He made me angry.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: She made me lose my patience.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: That situation ruined my entire day.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe someone really did something wrong.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: But there's still a question that's worth asking.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why did that particular situation get the reaction out of us that it did?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the first part of the self-test.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the last three times that you were frustrated.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: What came out?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get sarcastic?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get defensive?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Did you totally shut down?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Did you make sure that everyone in the room knew that you were having a bad day?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or was it the opposite?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Were you calm?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Did you find some humor?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Did you start looking for a solution?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because positive things come out just as much as negative things when we're under pressure, depending on how you're wired.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So some people are the ones that will say, hey, we'll figure it out while everybody else is in panic mode.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So pay close attention to that because it's important.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes watching other people helps us see ourselves more clearly, too.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you hear somebody that all of a sudden is being short with a waiter or waitress, and you think, is that how I sound when I'm frustrated?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's a piece of that that's self-awareness.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or you see somebody handle a situation with patience and grace, and you think, I'd like to get better when it comes to doing that.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it's easy to notice a reaction in somebody else.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: The useful part is remembering to ask, do I do that too?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the second part.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this one takes a lot of courage from all of us.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that is ask somebody who really knows you and will be honest.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your spouse, your best friend, someone who has seen you when things aren't going your way.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Ask them.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Say, when I'm stressed or I'm frustrated, what comes out of me?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then try not to defend yourself.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be hard, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we just listen.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's easier said than done.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: If their answer is you get defensive, you might think, hey, I just get focused.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: They might experience you as being more controlling, or you might think that you're difficult under pressure.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And they say, you know what, you get stressed, but you're always making sure that everybody else is okay.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: So all of that lives inside of the orange, too.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: So one thing that's worth noticing, though, is does your reaction change depending on who's squeezing you?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So there's times we can be patient with a stranger, and then we snap at the person that we love over almost nothing because sometimes the people that are closest to us, they get a version of us that we'd never show somebody at work or out in public.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we both know human beings and oranges, human beings are far more complicated.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And one bad reaction, for example, doesn't tell the whole story of who we are.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: We do get tired, we get overwhelmed.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how much pressure is on us actually matters.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: But if we keep seeing a pattern and keep seeing the same reaction, then we can decide whether or not we have something to work on.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe that means we'll be catching ourselves before we get sarcastic, or we're going to take a minute before we respond.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or we'll go back and we'll say, you know what?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I talked to you in a certain way and you didn't deserve how I spoke to you, right?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's that self-awareness piece that I think we all strive to have.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: But unlike the orange, we can change how we respond next time.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time life squeezes us, don't only look at what applied the pressure.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to what actually came out because we don't have to beat ourselves up about it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: We just have to be honest enough to notice and curious enough to ask whether that's a response we want to keep having.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: So appreciate your time.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you've got any thoughts, please leave them.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining.