Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / Calming the Cussing Momma
Transcript
- Heidi: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Raising Intelligently Humans. Wow, that's not what's called. Welcome to another episode of the Raising Intelligently Emotionally Intelligent Humans. My goodness, where is my brain? Welcome to another episode of the Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans podcast. There we go. I got it that time. I'm Heidi Lindemann. I'm your host. And I'm a single mom by choice to two little ones. I'm a therapist. I'm a lover of feelings and emotions and I'm navigating this world with a lot of feelings, a lot of emotions with me, with the kids, and here on this podcast, I tell stories. Real stories. Stories that are happening in my real life as a mom. So today I've got a story about leaving the house and the cussing that happens. So this is definitely don't let your kids listen to this. I will be cussing in this episode. Unless you want your kids to hear cussing. I don't know. My kids sure hear it a lot. Okay. Alright. So Setting the stage. This weekend I needed a real low-key weekend. I needed time at home and we spent a lot of time at home and we bought pumpkins. My oldest kiddo, she's having pumpkins. They can create pumpkins, character pumpkins from a book, however they want. And they can be on display in the library at her school for the month of October. So we went and picked up pumpkins to make characters. And I got really into it. And I made my own toothless character. And my older one, she made a blue Spider Man on the front of one of her pumpkins and a red toothless on the back of her pumpkin. And then my little one, we're working with her to make the pout pout fish. And now my older one is also wanting to make a pout pout fish. So she's working on that one now. And we have one more pumpkin we can do. and we also are making Olaf together. It's been a lot of fun. So that's essentially all our weekend has been has been making these pumpkins on and off, going back and forth between making the pumpkins. They've been on our table all weekend in a process of painting, drying, painting, drying, painting, the kids painting their own bodies, putting them in the bath, cleaning them as the pumpkins dry for eight I was gonna say eighteen minutes later. Maybe eighteen minutes later. I don't know. A little bit later. The kids go back to painting and then all of a sudden they have paint all over their bodies again and they have to get back in the bathtub. 'Cause they're just done painting and they want to go do something else. Okay, so that's just the that was the weekend. Okay. It was a lot of fun. So this morning the pumpkins are still on the table. They're not completely finished. Some of them are, some of them aren't. Haven't cleaned up the mess. It's still all there. Why that matters is because my older one and my younger one actually both of them wanted to work on their pumpkin. So the older one after she had eaten breakfast and was mostly ready, she just didn't have her shoes on yet for school was painting the pumpkin. And the little one I wanted her to know if she wanted to take it to school because she had wanted to take her pot pout fish to school over the weekend. And if she wanted to do that, all her pout pow fish needed was two black dots for the pupils and the eyes. So it's like you could do those two black dots. It shouldn't take that long for you to do that. And then she got into painting. So they were painting and then I had to pull them away from painting. I was also going back and forth from I was making my own breakfast. I make this really yummy smoothie with cauliflower, frozen cauliflower, frozen strawberries. I was actually using a mix this morning of strawberries and blueberries and mangoes with oat milk. And then I throw some protein powder in there and some sunflower butter and I make that in a blender and I don't measure and I just randomly put however much I think I should put in there. I always make too much, therefore I freeze it and I have s smoothies for the next day. So I was making that for my breakfast. The girls had waffles. The morning was going fairly well. I knew that there's could be a little bit of a like hiccup because of the painting. I mean painting in the morning before school? When it's already a struggle to get us the door on time. How are we gonna do that? Dunno. Get myself ready. I'm getting to put my shoes on and I'm telling the girls, Hey girls, I wonder who can get their shoes on first. Is it gonna be me or is it gonna be the two of you? Can you race me and get your shoes on before I get my shoes on? Pulling out anything I can to try to get them to put their shoes on by themselves. My older one at this point was playing in glitter. She was making some kind of potion or some kind of something. I don't know what she was doing at her desk when I was in the bathroom getting ready and then getting my shoes on. So she had glitter all over her hands and then she goes to wash her hands. I had one of my shoes on and I was getting my other shoe on and she's like, I still think I can beat you, Mom I was like, you gotta go wash your hands She washes her hands, she comes out, my shoes almost all the way on and tied and I did finish tying my shoe before she put her shoes on. And she did not fall apart. Strong moment for that one. She still got her shoes on, she put her shoes right on. Like it was actually preparing to be a fairly good get out of the house. I was like, hmm, she's got her shoes on. Okay, we just need to I needed to take my meds and then little one needed her shoes on. Then we needed to pick up the pumpkin and get our jackets and walk out the door. Like we can do this in the next like five minutes. We can totally do it. We could not do it. No. I took my meds, I sat with the little one after asking her many times to put on her shoes and she did not put on her shoes and I put her shoes on for her. I was still relatively calmish. I was a little frustrated, but my tone of voice was still pretty normal. There was getting to be just a slight ever so slight little bit of shortness of frustration in my voice. But I was doing pretty well. From that point on, I don't know what happened, but I lost my ever loving shit. All of a sudden I started cussing and I was We have to get out of the house. Come on, you gotta fucking leave the house. Get out the fucking door. Let's fucking go. Why was I saying fuck so much? Don't know. The more I said it, the more aggravated I got, the more energy built inside my body, the more tight I felt, the more frustrated I was that then I wanted to cuss more and say fuck more. Fuck, let's go. Put your jacket on and let's go. Jackets were a hard thing this morning, I guess. Getting from we're ready to leave to walking out the door is like why are we not be able to walk down this hallway to go out the door was not happening. I had to glance at the clock and be like, shit, it's eight five. Fuck we needed to be leaving five minutes ago. It was intense in my body. There's a lot of aggravation inside my body. And it kept building. And I kept saying fuck. Not directly at them, but at the like, we fucking gotta go. Get out of the fucking door. Let's fucking go. Let's get to the car. God damn it. Let's f walk. Come on. Let's go. Fuck. And I had grabbed and then I walked into the kitchen because I was gonna get my water bottle and I was like a crap. I didn't fill it up yet. So then every single little thing that I hadn't done yet felt like a mountain to finish and to quickly grab. And I was like, I have to have my water bottle because I'm gonna probably do yoga. I don't want to do yoga this morning. I wonder if I could tell my friend no. All these thoughts running through my head. But I'm gonna bring my water bottle just in case. I don't know. So I have to get it. So I filled up my water bottle and was like, fuck again, said out loud. I realized I needed to pick up the pumpkin and carry the pumpkin of my older one to the car so we could drop it off at her school. And this pumpkin is huge. So it was gonna be a beast to carry for me. And also my water bottle is huge. So I had to carry that somehow too. In my flustered fuckedness, I grab her pumpkin, pick it up. And I'm like rushing the kids out of the door. Like, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Come on, come on, come on. Shut the door, walk out with her pumpkin and both of the girls to the car. get to the car and I put the pumpkin in the front seat and then I'm like, fuck. Older one's like, what? I forgot my water bottle. I I I really need it. Fuck. Okay. I need the two of you to get in the car. Get in the car. See if you can get in the car before I get back. I'm gonna go get my water bottle. They're getting in the car. I run back, grab my water bottle. Go back outside. They are both in the car. But then I see my older one is not buckled. I'm like, why are you not buckled in? Still feeling defensive, still feeling rushed, still feeling overwhelmed, not enjoying the day. Well she said, You told me to get in the car, you didn't tell me to buckle in I was like, Okay, you're right. Please buckle in. Can you please get in your seat and buckle in? I say slightly annoy annoyedly. And she does. She starts buckling herself in and while she's doing that, a bee, an actual bee, flies into our car. And then she's screaming. I found something inside of myself. that was calm enough to address the situation without cussing, with I didn't even actually say any min any words. I walked over to her door and said, yeah, I know. I did say that. And the bee was kind of flying in and out right by the door and she was screaming 'cause she doesn't obviously want to get stung by a bee that just flew into the car. And I was holding my little one's baby doll. So I'm like sh shooing the bee, kind of trying to push it and guide it at the door, and it worked. Thank God it worked. That we didn't have to deal with a bee bug bite or sting or having the bee in our car for a long time. It was maybe fifteen, twenty seconds. Guide it out and I shut her door real fast so that the bee can't come back in. She then puts buckles herself in. She does pretty well. I go back and I buckle in the little one and get in the car. And as I'm walking into the door of my site, I look in the window of my older one and she gives me a thumbs up. 'Cause she's buckling herself in. She knows. She's signalling to me that I don't need to help her. So I get in the car, close my door, buckle myself in. She gets distracted with something, the older one. She's mostly buckled in but she hasn't tightened herself. Which she can actually tighten herself correctly and she can she has it tight enough so that it's You can't stick your full hand under behind her buckles and they're nice and tight and they're nice they're on her. And she can do it and it's lovely that she and she actually knows. She's like, Is this tight enough? She'll ask me several times, Is it tight enough, Mum? And I look and she's like, How far can you pull it out? And she can pull it out with just a a smidge. Not a lot, just a smidge. I'm like, That's great. She's got the buckle right up at her armpits. I love that she knows how to buckle herself in correctly. I wish everybody knew the correct buckle position for their kids. That one feels hard for me when people don't have their kids buckled in correctly and it's too loose or the chest clip is way low. Or they're not tightening their kid in like it'll all of them. gosh makes me nervous. But my kid, she knows how to do it herself, which I love, because then when she's with other people, she can buckle herself in. Anyway, side story. Back to the main story. We get in the car, everybody's buckled in, we start driving, and I say out loud, I really need something to calm my body down. Take a couple really big deep breaths and sighing it out. Allowing my body to calm down. There was a lot of energy, a lot of flusteredness, a lot of tightness happening in my body. And after we drive like a block or two. I name I just cussed a lot. I said a lot of bad words. I was feeling really angry and frustrated and I'm sorry that I was cussing so much and I apologize to my two girls. And my younger one says, That's okay, mama. And I let her know that I know it's okay for me to feel angry and also I don't want to be cussing like that around you. Those aren't the best words for me to use. I wish I would use different words, and I'm working on it. I'm working on using different words so there's not as much intense cussing. That we save those words for really important. powerful times when there's a lot of really emo intense emotion that needs to be clearly used by that word. I didn't actually say all of that, but that's what I'm thinking in my brain. That's how I'm wanting to try to shift cussing so that I'm not just cussing all the time and saying cuss words all the time. Then we drive the rest of the way school and we calm I'm my body is much calmer, it's much more okay, but I feel I mean kinda shitty, honestly. Calmer, but the cloud it was cloudy. I was tired. I my day is different today because I usually have my ki older's OT appointment in the morning, but that one is canceled 'cause her OT is out of town. And then I was supposed to be recording a podcast on somebody else's podcast this afternoon, but that got canceled because they because they just needed to cancel it and we're gonna reschedule for another time. So I ended up with a full Monday. where I didn't have anything technically scheduled. I always do my money time on Mondays, so I knew I wasn't doing that. And then I was like, this would be a great time to record some podcasts. So I'm doing that. But there's this weird thing that happens where I'm like, I have nothing scheduled, so I feel like I have all of this time. What could I do? What are the things I've really been needing for my soul? Would I want to take a nap or rest? Or I could go do, I don't know. swimming or something. I could go do something fun. I could Keep organizing my house like I've been doing all weekend and all most of last week. Like there's so many possibilities. I was like, mm, what is actually important? And I f I was kind of almost overwhelmed. It was like too much. I was like, I I kind of just want to do nothing. And I was considering telling my friend, we've started doing yoga in the park on Monday mornings after we drop off. The kiddos because I have this weird chunk of time from eight thirty to nine tenish. before I have to pick up my kiddo to take her to her O. T. So it's this weird chunk of time. Great amount of time to if we are just right on it to do fifteen, twenty minutes of yoga. Great to move my body. But I didn't want to do it this morning. But I didn't tell my friend I didn't want to do it. When we got to school I saw her. She had was just parked a fr in front of us and we were they were getting out of the car. And I was excited to see her. We all walked to school together and dropped off the kids. She had her yoga mat in her arm. And I decided I would just go with it. My yoga mat lives in my car now, so I always have it. We got our yoga mat and we w walked to the wherever in the middle of the park, rolled them out, and just did the yoga. And I am so glad I did. Because my body feels significantly different. I d I feel calmer, I feel more settled. There's also this kind of like Almost like an energy of excitement or Focus maybe. Maybe if Steven a little bit of focus like I could There's things that I could that feel more able to do. And there's not the same tightness, flustered, heavy sad shame, life sucking spiralling that was kind of an undercurrent this morning. It's not there right now. And it just reminds me it's So important for me to move my body. to do just a short amount of time even with and scheduling it with a friend so that I actually do it. Cause I often I have a harder time doing things by myself. If I am gonna say, I'm gonna do this. It's harder for me to s to do it and stay committed. But if I'm showing up for somebody else, it's little bit easier to do it. So this cussin' mama came to became a calm mama. It was after I dropped off my kids, mostly. And I'm also really thinking and considering playing with the idea of w how do how can I change my language? How can I change my the amount that I cuss? And the reason why I want to do that. is because this weekend and the past several weeks, my older kiddo has been telling my younger kiddo to say certain things to me. And she's been telling her to say, go up to mama and say damn it Or go up to Mom and say fuck. Go up to Mom and say shit. And this weekend they were just saying fuck as we were painting pumpkins. Not because anything was wrong. She was just painting a pumpkin, my little one, and then said fuck. Mike, interesting. And I'm walking this balance of words are words. These particular words have a stronger meaning to them. And as I don't want to restrict their language, I also don't necessarily want us to be saying fucking shit. all of the time or as frequently. Like use those words when they really need to be used for poignant kind of thing. And shift our language to other things. I think words also have ener energy to them, so there's like a thought in my mind of what kind of energy do we want to be putting into the world? I don't know. What language is that? I don't have answers right now. It's just stuff floating around in my mind. Just getting curious about it and wondering. And we'll see how that goes. sure they'll I'll make some shift at some point. I don't know what that is right now. But this is an important story for me to to share because of that. Like, huh. It really comes out when I'm feeling very flustered and overwhelmed. It's been coming out a lot more lately. What do I need to call my own body? Sooner. And how do I help my kids shift their language? Probably mostly by me shifting my own. They generally do what I do, so you know, shift my own language and there we go. Alright. I think that's what I've got for this story for today and I hope it gave you some kind of insight into your own life, made you laugh, made you feel less alone, maybe you're not knowing that you're not the only mom who's randomly cussing with young children. Yeah, and if you found it helpful, I would love it if you've shared it with another mom who might find it useful or meaningful, might need to hear it today. And I really thank you for sharing as you do. We all know that sharing podcasts, that giving them five star ratings, giving them reviews, that is how podcasts spread. And I want mamas who really need this to find it, to hear it. So if you feel called to help, I would love that. And I will share another story soon. Until then. May you be blessed, Mama.