Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Kelly Siegel - CEO of NTM & Author of Harder Than Life | He Grew Up on 8 Mile Road and Built an Empire From Nothing

Transcript

Kelly Siegel - CEO of NTM & Author of Harder Than Life | He Grew Up on 8 Mile Road and Built an Empire From Nothing · Success Story with Scott Clary

• 0:00
  So my entire upbringing tell us 16 years old I was scared to death. That's why I'm fearless now.
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  It took me years to overcome that. This is how I did an EMDR therapy. To make me harder than life
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  because life was gonna be hard. What if the life you were born into was never meant to define you.
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  Kelly Siegel grew up surrounded by abuse, addiction, and chaos. But instead of becoming a product of
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  that environment, he made a decision to break the cycle. One of the best business advice I can give
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  anybody. The harder thing, no. Knowing exactly who isn't for you. They find time for
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  Netflix and chill. They find time for scrolling. They find time to drink with their bodies,
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  but you can't find time to go do what makes your money or improve yourself. Make an investment
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  on yourself as the best freaking investment you'll ever make. Building a multi-million-dollar tech
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  company as CEO of National Technology Management from battling his own demons to writing harder than
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  life. A raw story of overcoming poverty, addiction, and violence. There has never been a more opportunistic
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  time than right now. With AI and social media, anybody can be anything they want now. Just do
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  forced hard things. There is no shortcut. You have to do the work. The truth hurts once a lie
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  hurts forever. The world could be anything you wanted to be in this world. You just have to
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  freaking help people and help yourself and work on yourself.
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  Talk to me about growing up near eight miles into Troy. It's a great story because
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  I'm still coming up. People know me as the non-drinking bodybuilding fitness guy that's
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  obnoxious and crazy, but I haven't always been that guy. It's the struggle. It's the backstory.
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  It's the hallmark special of growing up, you know, and violence and poverty and abuse.
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  The beauty part about healing and doing the work on yourself is I can look you right there and
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  not have a single feeling about this. It used to be your heart would be bait meeting. You'd be
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  triggered. I would feel like I'm bragging. But, you know, this is this is the heart of the work.
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  And a lot of us haven't addressed that subconscious, that childhood trauma, whether it be big tea
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  like mine or little tea like other people. So I grew up, both parents, alcoholics, both parents,
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  just bad news. Mother, stepfather abusive. Stepfather was a big dude who used to beat on me all the time.
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  My mom almost killed me. My stepdad almost drowned me. And it was just, it was the worst you can think
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  it happened every day. So my entire upbringing tell was 16 years old. I was scared enough.
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  Scott, I've used all my fear up. That's why I'm fearless now. I don't, I was scared. My mother had
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  a stalker. I ended up putting him in the hospital. This went on for years. It was, it was crazy chaos.
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  And every single day they were out drinking. There was no food in the house. So to this day,
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  if I get hungry, I do get treasures. So if I remember, you'll see me with with protein bars and
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  what, but I've done a tremendous amount of work. But what I didn't do is I drank the poison
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  and expected them to die for years. And until I looked myself in the eye and said, this is you,
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  it's your responsibility to live your life. Nothing keep me in the victim and keep pointing the
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  finger at my mother and my stepfather for and, and say, whoa is me. Cat me playing small.
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  And it wasn't until the pandemic that I said, this is crazy. And I started doing videos.
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  Yeah, the pandemic is only years ago. This is when you were 16. You know, it, from 16
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  until 43, I crouched with alcohol. Alcohol, women, and partying and, and, and, and perceived success
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  financially. You were still building the company. I mean, tons of money, but blew it every dollar,
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  trying to be, trying to look successful. I was successful when we made a lot of money. But
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  I've just hated the person in the mirror. It was, there was no fulfillment. There was nothing.
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  It was just, every day you were on that hamster wheel and I called it the Mary go round and you
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  just go round and round and round until you puke. And I got there. And it was at a point when I was
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  43. And I just said the same working for me. And I just cold turkey quit drinking and said,
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  I'm declaring war on myself. And I was in Key West Florida, partying on the beach. And I said,
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  I'm done. Took a scratch, set it down, walked away, haven't touched this is. But why was drinking such a
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  because at that moment, you were, you were successful. I put that in my care post. You're financially
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  successful. A lot of people would have not felt they needed to radically change their life at that
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  point. From 16 to what was a 43, 43. So obviously, this is the way that you've lived your life.
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  Probably a lot of traumas that you just sort of push down with substance and on work to works.
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  One of the things that probably sort of helped you escape those traumas. So what at 43 made you
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  think, even though I'm by everyone else's definition successful, now I got to stop drinking.
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  And now I got to get rid of all the vices. Yeah, this is a good way. So it was a love story.
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  I kept meeting the people who weren't for me. I kept meeting my mother. But now that I'm completely
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  healed, I'm still working going to the next level. You got to keep growing. So I realized I was
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  meeting my mother, someone who was emotionally unavailable when the sliding sliding stuff got
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  tough. They'd get running. So I'd avoid I'm dated avoidant attachment. If you go to the
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  analogy of attachment styles, avoidant attachments, I was anxious attachment. It's the worst one in
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  the world. It's the push pole, push pole, push pole. And you get love bombing. And I just looked
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  and said, Hey, this is crazy. The only constant. There's five women in a row. I dated who were
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  avoidance. And I said, the only thing I'm doing is I'm creating this exact environment. So I like
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  to use the fisherman analogy. You throw a freaking you're you're you're you're cash to ride and you
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  troll, you're going to get little fish. But if you take and you're in your patient, you'll get big
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  fish. And what I was doing was was hitting from the bottom of the barrel and going after women
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  with daddy daughter issues and just looking for love in all the wrong places. And I got sick
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  and tired of it. My heart was broken. And I said, I don't want to be with these type of women
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  anymore. And this is where we were talking before you hit recorder. You didn't record. And you can
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  buy mimic merge them in. But we don't tend to we we tend to look out the window and not in the mirror.
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  And I look square in the mirror and said, it's over. It's done. I'm done doing this. I'm done
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  doing the same thing. And the one constant when I broke it down was drugs and alcohol, but it was
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  where alcohol that anything else. And it was so commonplace growing up a female. If you watch
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  the movie and M&M made famous, it's like that trailer parks. You get your camaraderie from your
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  brothers, your boys. And we're doing bad things. I wrote in my first book, Heart of the Life,
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  that most of my friends in high school are dad or in jail. It's not a way. I don't know how I
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  escaped it. I tease and I say I'm the chosen one because somebody was always looking out for me
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  when the going guy. We were in terrible barfights. I got scars to prove being stabbed and punched and
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  run over and shot at. And I kept missing me Scott. So I'm like, there's got to be a reason. There's
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  a reason. And now I'm seeing it as the brand is blowing up as we're coaching more and more people.
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  And as we're making an impact, I said it a million times. And once you take take significance,
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  successful never tastes the same. And everybody me. I'm a poor kid who was abused is making it in
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  this world. Anybody can. And I can show people the blueprint, which got to be willing to do the
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  work. And there's no excuses. I coach some people that they have an excuse for every single
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  firm solution. They have a problem for every single solution. And those don't work well with me
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  because I got a solution for everything. And I won't stop until I get what I came for. You're
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  one of the most like uplifting motivational just like feel good people that I know all the time.
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  And I think that that's that's something coming, especially from where you came from.
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  Coming from like that much trauma and abuse and stress and to be the complete 180 of that.
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  Well, you know why we resonate? It's the same thing. It's because I emanate it from my heart.
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  It's I'm coming from my heart and you're good people. And that's why we align. And you feel like
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  attracts like and that's where I kept getting into trouble was I was a drunk at horror,
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  kept meeting drunk and horse. A lot of people that were coaching are guys who are successful. And
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  it's funny. They're looking for love. And I have women that are reaching out to us that are
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  looking for love and they're looking for a love in all around places. I can help you do that. That's
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  easy. The business stuff is it comes to me second nature. It's like I was programmed in business.
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  I started I started selling candy door to door. I sold newspaper prescription or subscriptions
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  door to door. I had a paper out. I had to lie and say I was older to get a paper out so I could
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  make money so I could feed myself. There ain't nothing like freaking being a good and becoming good
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  in sales. So you can eat because you have to. Well, I was going to ask, I mean before you quit
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  alcohol and you sort of realize that financial success wasn't the only thing that was important.
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  You overcame traumas that allowed you to be successful in business. So what did you do to
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  overcome traumas from early childhood allowed you to be successful in business. But you didn't
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  heal all of it. You didn't go all the way there because there was other parts of your life
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  that were lacking. But I think a lot of people can still learn from that sort of first version
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  of Kelly that just succeeded financially. That's an important stepping stone. You do have to find
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  a way to make money and be successful. And if you do come from no role models and no mentorship
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  and shitty circumstances, what allowed you to still make money in spite of all that?
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  Well, all the podcasts I've been on and all the interviews I've been on, nobody's asked me that
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  question. And that's the first time and I just started smirking because I realized why
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  and it's the easiest answer. And this is why people struggle right now. I outworked everybody else.
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  That's it. I didn't. I used to say I was a dumb hillbilly and I believed it. So it's part of me
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  that believed that but I don't work you and you can't you would not I would not give up.
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  But I made it pretty simple. I studied sales and I studied people. I started the art of the deal
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  and how things are made and I just kept teaching myself when they said this. I said this and this
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  is the reaction and I would break down every single deal and where it went wrong and I got better
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  and better and better. And then we talked about it off camera. I measured everything.
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  So I measured how many calls I made to make to get the appointment. How many freaking appointments
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  did I have to get in to get to get the sale? How many proposals I sent out to get the sale?
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  And I just it became a game to me. And then I realized as I tweaked my message and the more
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  I listened, God gave you two years and one mile for a reason, I was able to to create those ratios
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  to be crazy. Our peak were 75% close ratio. And here's a that's a lot for anybody listening.
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  That's an insane close. We were selling tech. Yeah. So we're selling invisible tech,
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  which is hard selling you visible hard. And what I would do is part of that and this is
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  and this is the one of the best business advice I can give anybody. It's saying the art of thing,
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  no, getting to know, no, is the best thing. Knowing exactly who isn't for you. So in our coaching
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  program, I know people that that have not gotten a certain level of success are no good,
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  they're no good play. I can't help them. And you just made put you help me connect the dots there
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  because you said the one thing that I was in control of was working hard. And when people
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  in heaven got successful, have it worked hard. And that sounds harsh, but we could all work harder.
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  I think about it now I could still work harder. But when if you haven't reached a level of success
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  where you don't really have to worry about money, you've used a hundred thousand dollars,
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  work harder. That's the easiest thing. They find time for Netflix and chill. They find time for
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  scrolling. They find time to drink and drink with their bodies, but you can't find time to go do
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  what makes you money or improve yourself. Make an investment on yourself because it's the
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  best freaking investment you'll ever make and it'll it'll pay you back 10x. My favorite idea
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  is the 10-year rule. Just commit to it in your head for 10 years and you'll find a way to be
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  successful. And I challenge anybody who anyone they look up to, I don't care if it's a Gary Vee
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  or a Grant Cardone or an Ed Mylet or somebody who's like a thought leader or just somebody who has
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  the nicest house on your street. Go ask them how long they've been doing the thing they've been doing.
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  I remember this idea came from in Toronto. I'm Canadian. I don't know if you knew that maybe I told you.
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  So in Toronto, there was two guys. I had like huge, huge, huge homes like like estates homes like
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  and I and I asked them we had a networking event and I knew where they lived and one of the guys
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  did paper. He manufactured paper and another guy manufactured glass for new homes and they've
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  been doing it for like 30 years right and more money, more money than God like really more money
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  than God. These houses were insane and it was really just like just do boring businesses for
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  long enough and you'll figure out how to make a shit ton of money at it. Even a podcast you want
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  to be successful here. I'll make it prove your point. So I was never I never wanted to be a coach.
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  I just wanted to be a podcast get the message out there and the keep people keep reaching out to
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  me and it just it just the God will guide you the way and and I will tell you that that I'm sure Dan
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  Martell said this and he was sitting here. I'm going to tell you this and I guarantee you said the
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  same thing. There has never been a more opportunistic time than right now. The field of the playing field
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  is level with AI and social media. Anybody can be anything they want now. It's just going to it's
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  going to be the people that take action and the people that don't and I remember I always make
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  a joke. There's people that make things happen. There's people that wonder what happened. Which
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  side are you going to be on and just take messy action day in and day out and measure it and get
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  better and better and better and don't stop until you get what you came for or something greater
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  and believe me the universe will provide. I'll use the love story. I now have been in a loving
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  reciprocating of a safe relationship where we're both committed for over a year now.
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  Funny how when you do the work it works. The way you approach life is to be like harder than life
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  and I think that that's something that people will think okay that makes sense for business.
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  Maybe that makes perfect sense for business that makes perfect sense for health fitness. Yeah I
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  get it but they don't think okay so how do I be harder than life and commit more than expected in
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  relationships in mental health in education in spiritual health like I think that harder like
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  harder than life to me applies in everything. If it's hard what do they say hard times make hard
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  people make good times for make easy people and make easy times and it's like oh shit. So what
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  happened? So you just nailed the mantra you're reading me like a book and it's great. So I'm
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  trying to go to the next level where we want to become the number one podcaster in self improvement.
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  We want to have a big map. We want to have a thousand people on our membership group
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  because we're going to donate it all a charity. We're working on book number two and so the hard
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  was just getting started and do the hard work dang it out. It's how it came with harder than life
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  is the name of the first book. Well now my habits and rituals are so easy to me that I was struggling
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  like am I still supposed to be this hard tough guy. So the new book is going to be called happier
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  than life because when you do the hard work for a long period of time technically we're coming
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  up on six years of the sobriety of all the changes of the of the really declaring war on myself. So
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  six years and I'm struggling. I'm in that struggle. I'm in that dynamic where I'm I've achieved
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  success in the space and I keep going up levels and I've got an undue remember you said create
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  space. I got an undue who I was. Everything that I came to come to up until very recently
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  I expected it to be hard. Well law law the law of attraction says whatever you put out there
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  karma claw you're going to get back. So I'm wondering why everything was so I was getting so much
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  resistance. Why go wake up everyone. The harder it is. So now I create space and I wake up in the
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  morning and I go life works out for me and it's all going to be smooth and everything's going to
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  work out and I'm happy. And what do you know. Happy things coming. So the harder the life is
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  always going to be the brand and the harder life is because they got to do the work. So I would
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  say harder life is doing the work and want you to do the work to become happy. Yeah. And then book
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  number three is going to be healthier than life where we're really going to talk about the mindset
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  and the physicalness. What's the most important thought or idea that somebody has to understand
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  that they can be the one in their family. I'm going to turn it around on you. What do you think?
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  I know what it is. But I want to what do you think? I would say for me first it starts with the
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  belief that I'm able to do it. That's the belief. And then once you have the belief
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  then it's almost selfish if you don't. I'm just going to say the belief. It's always that
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  limiting belief that what we're going to realize is there is no ceiling. I am a poor kid from
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  AIMO who starved. You're about as rock bottom is rock bottom can get when you're a kid.
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  Oh man. I mean literally the stories you read my first freaking book and it talks about I had
• 18:20
  to empty a jar of urine of my stepfathers because he was a drunk and he was afraid of my mother.
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  I watched my mother stab my stepfather and the whole police comes she lit the house on fire.
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  I mean dude it was straight up gangster crazy wild stuff. And to follow up we start the second
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  book happier in life we talk about that like calm was real. My mother's alone my stepfather is
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  dying in a hospice with his leg amputated because he never took care of himself. These people live
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  the horrible existence horrible. I caught him off years ago but then I had to go through therapy.
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  This is not overnight man. I did a hit in the therapy EMDR therapy plant medicine talk therapy
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  until one day it finally clinked in that man I'm here for a reason and I'm going to make a big
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  thing. So yeah they didn't they're going to die alone and the exact way that they deserve.
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  And my sister bless her heart I dedicate my first book to her is they she saved my life one day
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  my birthday my mom was beating the hell I mean it was gonna kill me she was so drunk she had no
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  cool how bad she was beating me and my sister had already left the home and she stayed over to
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  just come be with my birthday this is the first year that she was gone and she punches my mother
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  in the face grabs my lifeless body yanks me out slams a door in her face locks it and then gives
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  me her social workers number and says you've got to get out of this house she's going to kill you
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  and yeah I I the one day of school I missed that year was the next day of school because she'd
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  gouge my eye out so about it couldn't go to school it was it that was a hard lesson to get
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  and I'm saying this for anybody feel bad your eyes are fricking like oh my god I say this
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  because I want people to understand how hard it was now it took me years to overcome that why would
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  your mom punch you in the face you know why this is how I did an EMDR therapy to make me harder than
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  life because life was gonna be hard now when things happen they ain't nothing like it punch in the
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  face when you're nine years old by your mother like smack in the face broke my nose so when
• 20:30
  things get hard you don't get the knowledge you don't get the likes you don't get the deal that
• 20:34
  you were working on the girl doesn't like you the guy doesn't like you it's not like it and punch
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  in the face by your mother now is it and it's all perspective bro people would trade you straight
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  up for your problems right now straight up there's somebody out there that has a struggle to eat and
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  I just got dropped off by a frickin driver yeah you know this world this world is a great place man
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  especially if you're here in the United States this is the land of the free this is opportunistic
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  us fighting right and left it's crazy you know we are all one we realize that we come together
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  there's nothing this country can't do I agree but the noise is so loud all the all the angry noise
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  from social media but not just that that the political noise the social media noise is loud but the
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  noise from what our parents want us to be what our friends want us to be what our spouse wants us to
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  be you're really good at shutting out noise and focusing on and I'm sure that it's a bit from
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  all the therapy and all the life lessons well you think that's how I survived yeah I know but then
• 21:40
  how you're like therapy you're giving me I didn't even realize what some of the things are because
• 21:45
  that's how I survived shutting out the crazy I see that wow I mean I mean how does someone
• 21:50
  else do so it's it's one thing to go through the life that you went through and go through you
• 21:55
  know years and probably tens of thousands of dollars of therapy at a minimum of no doubt that shit
• 22:00
  is not cheap but you never want to you never want to wish what you went through on anyone else
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  so how do they in their own way shut out the noise and sort of what's the best way to say it
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  understand how trivial their problems are when they never went through the shit that you
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  went through the easiest thing in the world is to just do forced hard things forced hard things so
• 22:28
  whatever you're afraid whatever scares you to do it do it yeah you know that's that's it and
• 22:34
  you will build and then you don't negotiate with yourself like if you say so I always that's why
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  most of my my program I start off with people getting into the fitness so if you can hold the line
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  with your fitness if you can go to the gym five days a week no excuses it's it's it's it's the
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  keeping you word you make yourself if you keep your word you make yourself you're going to keep
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  it to everybody else and then that translates in the business so do the dang thing that scares you
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  ask the girl out ask the guy out ask for a race go do the thing that the soundtrack in your mind
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  is saying if you do this and would you say that you got to believe it so if you whatever your
• 23:18
  your your mind is telling you that you can't do go do it quick question what's your go to when you
• 23:23
  got 10 minutes before a meeting or a workout for me it just used to be whatever I could grab which
• 23:28
  usually meant skipping meals entirely or just grabbing something that left me crashing an hour later
• 23:33
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• 23:57
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  net suite dot com slash Scott clary the guide is free to you at net suite dot com slash Scott clary
• 25:53
  net suite dot com slash Scott clary let's talk about drinking let's talk about sobriety so you at 43
• 26:00
  you wanted to become sober because you wanted to have better relationships you know look for
• 26:07
  fulfillment of meaning outside of just money and work what else do you discover when you want
• 26:12
  fully sober well first of all I didn't plan on being living a sober life I was taking a break from
• 26:19
  alcohol for 90 days which is not a bad idea I just said you know what I'm gonna take a 90 day break
• 26:24
  and then 90 days turned into six months and then on the day 93 I gave myself permission to drink
• 26:32
  and it was happened to be forced July which is a big party time for everywhere and it's my
• 26:38
  favorite holiday because you go on the boat and your party and it's good time and I I pulled the
• 26:43
  boat out and I was with a group of friends and everybody was drinking I had yet to drink so I was
• 26:46
  still a little nervous and I had the massive amounts of anxiety and I looked around at everybody
• 26:53
  and all my friends and I said I don't belong here and I put the boat back in and never lie I looked
• 26:59
  and I said guys I'm sorry I can't go today and they're like why why he was gonna drive the boat
• 27:03
  because I'm a great captain and I said I just I had to get out of here I freaking dove off the boat
• 27:09
  I took off I got a nine alcoholic beer and I got a cigar and I just decided at that very moment I'm
• 27:14
  not never gonna drink again so I just took a break that's why I tell people just take a break many
• 27:19
  people haven't taken a 90 day break in their life says they're able to drink so take 90 days off
• 27:24
  an exam so you asked me the that was a long beginning to to your question the question is this is
• 27:29
  what else did I learn and it was everything I started feeling my feelings everything that I had
• 27:36
  that it was afraid of that I've been bearing everything that that that I had been masking because
• 27:41
  when you drink can you take drugs yes you mass the bad but you also mass the good so I started
• 27:47
  feeling my feelings for the first time since I was 15 years old and at first it was scary really
• 27:56
  really scary and so for the first 13 or 14 months so I did this in January first 2019 so there
• 28:03
  was this little event that you might have heard of that happened in 2020 that really it was so
• 28:09
  that was 15 months into my not drinking at all of a sudden I was alone so you hear me say this
• 28:16
  stillness silence and solitude that's where all the answers are and how many of us are ever alone
• 28:25
  be still completely still and in silence we have our phones we have computers we have our friends
• 28:34
  those are your answers and those three asses so I was forced and I believe that the pandemic
• 28:40
  happened a hundred percent for me now I'm sorry the people lost lives I'm sorry that people lost
• 28:45
  businesses it was the best thing in the world ever happened makes it forced me to be alone and then
• 28:51
  the universe said we're really going to test you and see if you want it if you're going to
• 28:54
  drink good drinking my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend got together took and tried to take away my daughter
• 28:59
  which is my why we lost our biggest customer at NTM and we were shut down so it was like there wasn't
• 29:06
  just one issue it was like 15 why did they try and take away your daughter hurt people hurt people
• 29:11
  man when they when they knew that I was done and it was a it was a very calculated thing I don't
• 29:16
  know if I'm ever said this out loud but I believe that that they took a 50 50 wrist that they said
• 29:23
  you know weird things even though that hurts my daughter when I'm hurt but that's what my
• 29:29
  ex-wife is now we've since fixed everything and we are great we actually do co-parent very well
• 29:35
  she's watching my dog right now but at the time she hadn't done any healing and she
• 29:40
  wanted she was hurting so she wanted me to hurt and she knew the only way to make me hurt was to
• 29:44
  get my daughter because to me part of what get the reason why she's my wife is because I didn't
• 29:50
  want anything that that I've ever gone through to her have to go through so she I've overcorrected
• 29:55
  two scouts she's just a pushed life she gets her first job here's her that I start laughing I
• 30:01
  go like you realize that she orders filet because you do realize you're gonna have to work a full
• 30:05
  week just to order the filet out and she's like what I'm like it's expensive your lifestyle is expensive
• 30:09
  so um the why did they what was he we're it was what first of all I was just curious why oh why
• 30:17
  did that it's so at the end of the day I believe it was God testing me it was how many things can
• 30:22
  they throw at me and at one point and this is where your surrender where you talked about surrender
• 30:28
  and creating space I could have frickin I have a full bar in my houses all of them and I could have
• 30:34
  walked over and grabbed a scotch and pounded my scotch but had I known that I carry guns I would have
• 30:39
  gone over there guns blazing and got arrested and lost my daughter and I literally took a stop this
• 30:46
  happened at four o'clock March 20th 2020 that's when the whole country shut down yeah and I get served
• 30:56
  that I lost my daughter and I had no clue when I was getting her back so I was alone I was still
• 31:04
  forced to be still and there was nobody to talk to so what did I do I shut my phone off
• 31:10
  I grabbed a cigar and I went for a long drive and I hatched my plan and I looked up at God
• 31:15
  and I looked over at my scotch and I said you made me you know this is not gonna break me
• 31:22
  and I was scared and when I get scared I get going so when I say if you knock me down you
• 31:28
  could better not be standing there when I get back up because I'm getting back up and I'm gonna
• 31:32
  get back up tougher and stronger and I will not stop coming forward and that's what I did I
• 31:38
  declared war on myself even harder that's what made me launched I started writing my book I
• 31:44
  launched podcasts I hired a new lawyer and I went after everybody and then I ripped
• 31:52
  NTM apart and read I mean I did everything everything during the pandemic and boy when that
• 31:59
  thing ended we were while people were day drinking and and getting fat and we I immediately I
• 32:06
  immediately ordered a home gym because I knew it wasn't gonna be two weeks and I came on
• 32:12
  of that thing bigger batter stronger mentally physically so everything happens for you you got
• 32:18
  to look and say instead of say why me yeah what is this teaching me and I had been prepared
• 32:24
  from that those beatings that my parents gave me the drowning that my staff finally I had prepared
• 32:30
  I wasn't fighting for my life I was fighting for water I mean I was fighting for money and just
• 32:36
  in my daughter then you're done I honest yeah and then when I got her back it took it took a
• 32:40
  couple days I got her back it spent a lot of money she it brought us closer because she said
• 32:47
  she's dad I knew you'd never stop fighting for me and and I was like I couldn't you know I
• 32:54
  will I'll ever want it with somebody to fight for me in fact part of my healing is I just want to
• 33:00
  it's my I wanted my stepfather my mother to say you're a good boy Kelly it's all I wanted you're a
• 33:05
  good boy because I was a good boy I got straight A's bro I wasn't a bad kid but they beat the
• 33:11
  hell out I mean like I was a bad kid sweating that one to me oh I mean it's not you can't rationalize
• 33:19
  that but you try to especially as a kid I mean that's probably the way that I what do you think you
• 33:24
  think that you're not worthy you're not you're not deserving of love so what did I do when I don't
• 33:28
  picked women who would hurt me yeah guys this is the blueprint man this is the blue Scott's giving you
• 33:35
  the blueprint I'm giving you the blueprint the the mass the messy your messy story is is how you get
• 33:43
  to the next level and there's no avoiding it there's no magic pill you just have the thing that
• 33:48
  scares the heck out of you and probably whatever you the baggage or that you're holding back at
• 33:55
  your masking and I always tell everybody this get a frickin journal just a spiral notebook and
• 34:00
  write every day and look for the frickin commonality of when it turns negative and there's going to
• 34:05
  be an underlying there's a most important number behind that mine was alcohol and I would have
• 34:10
  never said guess that because alcohol made me fun alcohol made me social turns out I'm way more
• 34:16
  social way more fun we were at that friend a year and a half ago and I was running around talking
• 34:22
  I found the same thing I mean like I'm not like I still once in a while drink I don't drink as much
• 34:28
  anymore I think it's been it's probably been about a month and a half two months as I've drank
• 34:34
  but it's because I don't find that it benefits me at all it doesn't when I go to a social event
• 34:40
  trust me I have no problem being like out like loud now going like sober like it doesn't change anything
• 34:46
  when I'm drunk I'm the same I just hate the next day but you know there's I say this there's
• 34:52
  nothing that alcohol makes better there's nothing it doesn't loosen you up I could sit here we could
• 35:00
  do a frickin five minute meditation I got to get closer yeah and relax more zen then we would if
• 35:05
  we had a frickin scotch yeah and by and it would happen faster than we've had a scotch so I'm not an
• 35:11
  anti alcohol guy I still think that you know you want to celebrate there's there are not alcoholic
• 35:17
  versions of it I'd prefer people do cannabis I prefer they just do nothing and lean into their
• 35:21
  feelings I mean you're seeing this huge right out there probably is it's it's a 20 billion dollar
• 35:26
  tax on alcohol and drugs or cannabis now 20 billion dollars the United States brings in it ain't
• 35:35
  going away so you but you're seeing sober bars it's it's becoming really chicken really cool
• 35:43
  they're not drinking what did you discover what was the most surprising thing that you discovered
• 35:46
  about yourself under the party persona after you quit drinking the man I became when I was drinking
• 35:54
  was really the person I really was sober so the person I was playing and who I wanted to be
• 36:02
  that's who I was is the person I created to to survive that childhood and everybody so I could
• 36:10
  drink and I was the life of the party and everybody loved party Kelly well you walked I walked in
• 36:18
  he said bro I love energy everybody loves this guy you were sober when I met you yep and and
• 36:23
  and everybody I really loves me more now and I don't have to apologize so you can create any
• 36:28
  freaking world you want you just have to do the work and you got to do it consistently and I
• 36:34
  love when I walk into a room and everybody looks I think because I'm the big guy it's because my
• 36:39
  energy just walked in and we're gonna freaking light this room up and we're gonna have fun
• 36:44
  and we're gonna enjoy life and if you're not if you're gonna for it can take a shot at me you're
• 36:49
  probably not enjoying life man that's the thing right nobody's nobody's taking shots that you
• 36:53
  is living better than you misery loves company yeah but really misery hates being alone
• 37:00
  that's when you're you ruminate on your feelings all been there bro they're you only nights
• 37:05
  they're in the pandemic I said why is this happening and it was alone so what I did as I couldn't
• 37:11
  journal enough I couldn't meditate enough I couldn't work out enough and I just I couldn't
• 37:16
  read or podcast enough so I would go into my my it was still cold in Michigan so I'd go into my
• 37:23
  garage and I would turn on my music and my my motorcycle because it was loud and I would just do a
• 37:29
  dance party by myself and I would envision things like this you know how life's gonna be
• 37:37
  once I finish learning whatever less than God wanted me to learn and that's that's part of the
• 37:42
  journey the process we talked about marrying the process of the worst outcome there is no shortcut
• 37:46
  to this guys you just you're not you have to do the work and you have to unbecome the
• 37:53
  mass the crotch the the things that you you did the persona that you did to survive and then if you
• 37:59
  lived the it's some people I've come to be the only of the great life well then what's holding
• 38:03
  you back if you live the great life then you should be doing great things if you didn't if you're
• 38:09
  not then there's something that you haven't uncovered yet the coolest thing in the world you
• 38:13
  you asked this and I didn't answer till just now the coolest thing that I realized is intimacy
• 38:19
  love and sex or three different things and you can be intimate with somebody without having sex
• 38:25
  like I'm we're in we're our conversations very intimately like I feel connected to you right now
• 38:30
  yeah I agree with that brother man I'm gonna frickin message you you're gonna get messages from me
• 38:34
  we're gonna do some things together the people gonna realize that you can't form that bond
• 38:40
  when you're drinking you do when you're drunk and you forget it the next day yeah what are we
• 38:44
  talking about yeah let's let's do great things also sometimes you know like
• 38:51
  if you want if you want to do good work and you want to build good relationships I think this is where
• 38:55
  I think like what you said like just the alcohol just numbs everything it numbs everything like
• 39:01
  even like the guy that you're talking about like he drinks I think he drinks yeah and I think
• 39:06
  that that when you when you have a lifetime of drinking and and trying to sort of fill this gap
• 39:12
  in your soul with work or money or whatever it is at least the bad decisions but my was in my heart
• 39:17
  I look whole but when you're when you're and not to say that everybody drinks who drinks makes bad
• 39:22
  decisions but I think the clarity of thought it can only cap and when you're completely sober
• 39:31
  and I don't I can't make business decisions anymore if I drink if I want to make a good business
• 39:36
  decision I just want to be sober I go to the gym that's where I create space for myself to think
• 39:41
  through an analyte and I think it just leads to better outcomes I literally just sit and talk to
• 39:47
  God and I'm out of religious I wouldn't call myself religious I will sit back and just say I'm stuck
• 39:54
  I'll meditate and I'll just create space and then all of a sudden something appears and I'm like
• 40:00
  oh you're listening it sounds will will we but it's so true I was just out of playing I left
• 40:07
  a master I'm at the group of of people that I went to speak at and I ended up getting some
• 40:14
  crazy delays and I ended up at a flight and I ended up between two bigger people and they
• 40:20
  piling at times like this is going to be a bumpy flight and I'm freaking getting thrown all over
• 40:25
  and I'm sitting there going this socks wide and I go do this and I just went and I started
• 40:30
  meditating and I said God smooth this plane out so I can relax and have a little bit of time to
• 40:36
  have a conversation with you it's got about 10 you 30 seconds later the plane freaking and then
• 40:41
  the pilot said it was going to be like it for a while smoothed out and I actually could sit
• 40:45
  there with my thoughts and I sat there and talked to God for another hour and when I landed some
• 40:50
  things were clear so it is in that stillness and the solitude and silence that it works if you
• 40:58
  haven't read the book conversations with God it's pretty wild I have or outwitting the devil those
• 41:03
  two I want them back to back for conversations with God Neil Donald Walsh you could listen to it
• 41:09
  to it's on the audible audible it's wild wild and I just it was the only thing I hadn't tried
• 41:18
  and now I have these conversations and they need to look out the universe is transpiring to make
• 41:24
  me happy and I'm happy even one of when things aren't I do I posted this I was anxious because I
• 41:30
  hadn't booked my flight back I was supposed to go do three or four more podcasts and I'm like you
• 41:34
  know what I'm just going to do scots I'm going to catch a flight and go back to my daughter and as
• 41:37
  soon as I did that I was it was called that that's what makes people scared is we want to know we
• 41:43
  want to be able to predict the future the unknown scares people or is it does and you have to get
• 41:49
  comfortable in that unknown and just knowing this is what this is what substance abuse workaholism
• 41:56
  it's it's all escaping the unknown and it's escaping that that scary feeling yeah exactly
• 42:03
  and that's that we just that's it and when you were comfortable walking taking this step into
• 42:09
  that unknown and knowing you're going to be okay you've built the confidence and the resilience
• 42:14
  to do anything in this world and it applies to working out it applies to relationships it applies
• 42:19
  to business anything but Kelly I don't know what you mean reach out to me I got a new book coming
• 42:25
  out happier than life follow me on Instagram and I'll send it to you I'm giving it away for free
• 42:30
  it'll be out within a month or so I'm giving it away for years you the antidote it's literally
• 42:34
  daily habits that I follow every day take it take the things that resonate with you yeah and then
• 42:40
  add your own my whole daily routine I have stolen pieces from everybody else I always tease
• 42:46
  everyone it's like in in the IT company right you're old enough to know BASF their tagline was
• 42:52
  we don't make the things that you make every day we make the things that you use every day better
• 42:56
  yeah and that's what we do if we did an IT and NTM it's what I'm doing it harder than life
• 43:01
  and I just take a little bit from everybody indeed is a success story partner now if you're hiring
• 43:06
  indeed is all you need let me give you an example if I needed to hire a new editor for this show I'd
• 43:10
  go to indeed and be super specific not just can you edit audio I'd say I need someone who's edited
• 43:15
  a conversational podcast for at least three years gets our style and knows our software someone who's
• 43:20
  done this before and here's the thing with indeed sponsored jobs I'd get people who fit that
• 43:24
  description I'm not digging through resumes when people who've edited one youtube video I'm getting
• 43:28
  actual podcast editors who know what they're doing people who've worked on shows like ours and
• 43:32
  can prove it that's what makes a difference you get people who actually are what you're looking for
• 43:36
  according to indeed data sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed are 90% more likely to report
• 43:41
  a higher than non sponsored jobs and people are finding quality hires right now in the minute
• 43:45
  that I've been speaking to you companies like yours have made 27 hires on indeed according to
• 43:50
  indeed data worldwide spend more time interviewing candidates who check all the boxes less stress less
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  time and more results now with indeed sponsored jobs and listeners of this show will get a 75
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  dollar sponsored job credit to help you get your job the premium status it deserves at indeed
• 44:06
  dot com slash clary just go to indeed dot com slash clary right now and support our show by saying
• 44:11
  you heard about indeed on this podcast indeed dot com slash clary terms and conditions apply
• 44:17
  hiring do it the right way with indeed hop spot is a success story partner now if you're looking for
• 44:21
  a new podcast one of my favorite shows right now is demand to code it if you're in the B2B
• 44:25
  marketing space you need to be listening to this it's hosted by the team at blend they are a
• 44:29
  demand gen agency they know what they're doing they're also part of the house podcast network what
• 44:33
  I love about it is a skip all the theory and they just tell you what's actually working today so
• 44:38
  demand gen marketing content linked in at attribution they talk about real strategies that they are
• 44:43
  using that you can use today that are working so if you're an entrepreneur if you're building a
• 44:48
  business if you're really selling anything to anyone go search demand a coded wherever you get your
• 44:52
  podcast this is one idea that I love so if you don't if you don't believe in the traditional
• 44:58
  version of a god then you will find something else to replace that god and it can be substances
• 45:03
  it can be women it can be work it can be something else but you find something else to idolize
• 45:08
  in your life and I think that more people should it doesn't have to be a traditional version of
• 45:15
  but it's silence it's spirituality it's it's being alone with your thoughts the kind of like what
• 45:22
  you were just describing we always try and we always try and escape our own thoughts and I think
• 45:28
  that what God does and any version of God I think it forces us to be alone with our own thoughts
• 45:32
  and I think that's probably the scariest place so when you silence your own thoughts you numb your
• 45:37
  own thoughts with alcohol or drugs or work or gambling or any vice you're just escaping yourself
• 45:44
  you're just trying to escape yourself because you don't want to deal with a shit that's going
• 45:46
  on inside and I can't blame people for that because some people have a whole bunch of trauma that
• 45:51
  is not been dealt with and when they are alone with their own thoughts it's fucking horrifying
• 45:56
  it's absolutely horrifying to be so they find a way to escape their own thoughts so for somebody
• 46:02
  for again let's use a version of another version of you somebody who's had a really tough upbringing
• 46:09
  who is now 40 to 50 years old has escaped their own thoughts with alcohol and drugs and work
• 46:16
  and all these other things that we use to not really focus on ourselves
• 46:24
  is it smart for them to just go cold turkey on their vice or is that is that more damaging than
• 46:32
  helpful well not a doctor but I would say this does that make sense yes part of the heart of
• 46:38
  the life mantra is to just literally hit it right in the face so to me I wanted to better life
• 46:45
  more than I wanted to breathe and so if something's holding you back and we know it too of course we
• 46:52
  all know it that's what we're doing the shit that's why we're that's why we're working a hundred
• 46:55
  hours a week we really don't have to work in that so let me give you an antidote yeah it's to take
• 47:00
  action towards the the thing that you're really looking for which is identity being seen being
• 47:05
  heard and just really mattering in this world doesn't that what we want yeah we just want to know
• 47:10
  that our lot our time on this earth mattered I could tell you if you're drinking and doing drugs
• 47:16
  the time on this earth doesn't matter so let's get you out of that and let's focus on what makes you
• 47:23
  and everybody's here for a reason or else the drugs in alcohol would take you or the car would run
• 47:29
  yours God didn't have a plan for you you'd be done so I would say let's look and see what is it
• 47:34
  that you really want what is the big hairy audacious goal the thing that you have that's in deep
• 47:39
  rooted shit yeah listen I know that he was joking around and act like I make this stuff look easy
• 47:45
  and I I want to take a step back there are moments they're just moments that I my ruminating my
• 47:52
  shit and if I said that things out loud to you you wouldn't like me that I say to myself like I am
• 48:00
  the hardest I am on myself I'm working on that that's behind the scenes like man that you have
• 48:05
  to give yourself grace and and here's a new one thoughts are magical eyes 98% of the things you're
• 48:13
  worried about ain't ever gonna happen not gonna happen look back you're back in the thousand right
• 48:20
  now every single puzzle problem issue you have pieced together and you're here today remember that
• 48:28
  when you get scared you're is so why not take that leap and you're gonna fail and you're gonna
• 48:33
  for and and to me failure isn't it's feedback and it's not finality it's only failure if you make it
• 48:38
  finality you're gonna because it's it's God pushing you back on this isn't the way I wanted for you
• 48:44
  or you still have more to learn but keep freaking going if I would have given up way back when I
• 48:50
  I'd probably still I'd probably be dead as hard as I was partying but I just I always knew
• 48:57
  that this is something bigger for me and that was what made me just put down the alcohol and
• 49:03
  remember it's not about the alcohol it's about chasing your dream about living a meaningful life
• 49:09
  it's never about the alcohol it's about what's in your heart and soul that needs to become out
• 49:16
  in the universe the world deserves it and everybody's got it I don't care if you're a freaking janitor
• 49:22
  how about it what was it that we've heard all here just thought I'm sure Dan talking about
• 49:26
  what it was here to us janitor working at NASA isn't saying I'm a janitor I'm putting somebody on
• 49:31
  the moon hey whatever it takes it may sound hokey but if you get results who cares who cares
• 49:39
  whatever you got to do to do it do it that's why I even say to some people if you need cannabis
• 49:45
  to get you off alcohol my all means do it you see now there's studies with the with the
• 49:50
  with the the veterans coming back with PTSD they're going down the psilocybin method the
• 49:56
  do it because I couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of stuff now I've been there
• 50:02
  I gotta tell you it was pretty stressful that March 20 2020 that
• 50:06
  but that took everything I had to me to not go off the rails because it felt like I was just
• 50:14
  doing well yeah and I was too it's funny how that works so I say your life is a rollercoaster
• 50:21
  and you go up and down and you enjoy that up and then even enjoy that down down because you know
• 50:27
  what's going to happen next go right back up that's life because you think about your heart
• 50:31
  heart monitor if you have flat lines we're dead so enjoy those rides man you're learning something
• 50:37
  everything I recently read this book the second mountain and it was it just basically talking about
• 50:42
  the first mountain that we achieved I achieved it the house the cars the fame the fortune the
• 50:47
  the the the I thought I was valid I thought I was there was somebody and then I ripped it all down
• 50:54
  and I realized none of that mattered and now I'm climbing up the second ladder or the second mountain
• 50:59
  and when I get to that second mountain I'll probably never will just because I'm always moving
• 51:03
  the goal post and that's what beauty part I've learned to love that climb it's fantastic it is
• 51:10
  addicting it's because I get to meet more people like you I get I get invited to events that I
• 51:16
  I would have never been invited to and then it's all the negative just stays away from it's like a
• 51:21
  repellent well it's it's so the negative doesn't say away the negative happens but it doesn't
• 51:28
  affect you the same way that's good you're right it happens and it bounces off of you or it
• 51:33
  it becomes fuel what do they say the fuel frustration fuel is it frustration or is it fuel I like
• 51:43
  like there's moments where I look at at trends and because I'm a numbers guy look at trends and I
• 51:48
  look at my IT team I'm like you guys don't see this trend yeah and then I get I used to get
• 51:53
  I get frustrated but then I get angry now I just go okay this is what I'm supposed to be here for
• 51:58
  I'm the one seeing it and so I use every time I get frustrated instead of getting frustrated I
• 52:04
  literally say to myself use it as steel Kelly and when there's a little effect when I get
• 52:11
  frustrated like that I would I would that's when I would drink because it's like okay I'm not
• 52:16
  supposed to do this this isn't what I'm cut out for yes it was that limiting belief coming in
• 52:20
  this is it this is too hard I'm the same stimulus same same thing happening totally different
• 52:25
  outcome right exactly and now I go oh this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing I don't like
• 52:32
  did is waste 30 years yeah but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter because you know what you say
• 52:37
  you waste 30 years but some people some people this is their whole life yeah I you know my dad
• 52:44
  died of might my real my biological dad he didn't abuse me he was but he was a drug abuse
• 52:51
  or a drunk and and he died at 46 so he died young he was never he could never be my father he
• 52:58
  didn't never be but he never lived the day in his life he drank him druged himself to death
• 53:04
  I'm 49 and I look back at that it makes me sad I wish I could have a conversation with my dad
• 53:11
  smart he had the funny thing about his life came easy to he was the he had the highest IQ in
• 53:16
  the family he was the smartest he could think things quicker and he just to to slow life down he
• 53:22
  started drugs early and became addicted right away and 30 years later the body gave out
• 53:28
  and that's what happens guys if you don't look at this and you are out of alignment with with
• 53:33
  some sort of substance it could be prescription do remember it could still be a lot of a lot of
• 53:37
  people come to me for porn or dick and porn feel your feelings feeling is healing and then once
• 53:45
  you do that then you unlock whatever you were supposed to do in this world this is what I meant to do
• 53:52
  it's help people it's so tough though is that you have you know all these all these companies
• 53:58
  you know whether or not it's it's alcohol companies food companies porn whatever
• 54:06
  they know how to tap into our biology to exploit us that's the thing and it's and it's like
• 54:13
  everything is an uphill battle nah yo you think you look at the the most interesting man you know
• 54:18
  it's they make drinking like oh I'm gonna get the most beautiful woman I'm in the most beautiful
• 54:23
  body I'm gonna have the best time I got a news flash for you I was at Fort Myers Beach yesterday
• 54:29
  and uh trick it ain't it ain't it people I saw some of the most terrible bodies I've ever seen
• 54:35
  and I'm not trying to be judgy but let's let's look around and you know again one finger pointing
• 54:40
  away three or point away back at you so I always look at myself I'm like okay I you know I'm in
• 54:44
  the middle of doing 500 workouts I don't know how my idioticity came up with that I work out
• 54:50
  every day so I figured 365 days no problem what's 135 days oh my god Scott the pressure is a lot
• 54:58
  you know I I made it this morning I made sure I saw you I was there five a.m. which the gym
• 55:03
  doesn't open no five a.m. my gym in Michigan opens at four so I had to stress run and get it
• 55:09
  and when I land I'm gonna work out on my gym at home because I want a front load the 135
• 55:14
  two days I need to do because I have that's all one bad thing I have to which I told you have to
• 55:21
  achieve my goal it's just a maniacal about it okay I want to ask about your parenting approach
• 55:29
  breaking cycles and how your own childhood shapes your parenting with your daughter you mentioned
• 55:37
  your daughter is your why so I'm sure you have a very specific way that you like the parent
• 55:42
  what has your upbringing sort of taught you about parenting well I keep things simple because for
• 55:48
  years I used to think I was smart but turns out I'm really smart I just what I I stepped at beat
• 55:55
  that into me it's like you're not ever gonna want anything you're stupid you're an idiot smack
• 55:59
  and it took years to undo that so I keep things simple I literally did the opposite of the way I
• 56:06
  was raised I lead with love I lead with tenderness I make her a priority like right now it's so it
• 56:15
  be so easy for me to just say I don't you know this is my parenting day Monday through Thursday I could
• 56:20
  just say hey I gotta be with Scott for the day um you know stay with your mom but I know and I've
• 56:26
  never done it I think this been like 11 days in 14 years that I have even moved today for her she
• 56:35
  is my priority I want her to know she is a woman she's a female 16 years old and I wanted to know
• 56:40
  she matters she's my priority she's my choice I always choose her because what happens the
• 56:46
  women that I used to pray on they're they were invisible to their fathers so my daughter 16 years
• 56:53
  old still doesn't have a boyfriend she's beautiful by the way blonde body unbelievable smart she so
• 57:02
  you're here at my let and Dan Martell say everything's caught not taught no they're caught and taught
• 57:07
  I've taught her over and over and over to love herself and and she's caught my hard work in
• 57:12
  determination so she doesn't drink she doesn't do drugs she's I know it's how it's crazy but these
• 57:16
  kids are doing it now at 16 at 16 they're having sex they're they do it at 14 she tells me everything
• 57:21
  she sends me videos of the parties it's wild Scott I know you guys are gonna have kids soon yeah
• 57:27
  and it just starts from right out of the room man I I told her when we got they're an
• 57:31
  divorced her mother as it's you and me against the world kiddo and I just lead with lots and
• 57:36
  lots of love now it doesn't hurt that I'm 220 pounds of frickin solid muscle and I scare the boys
• 57:42
  away but I have talked I have conversations with her I told you when I said I'm flying back and I'm
• 57:49
  gonna have dinner I have sit down dinner we have breakfast together every morning and dinner
• 57:54
  I mean that time is valuable it's it's her time and I let her talk and and even though at 16 the
• 58:01
  conversation is about now that oh this was so funny and somebody did this and and then I say
• 58:06
  what did that make you feel what did you say what do you and I don't lecture so it's it is a work
• 58:11
  in progress she does not have that maniacal drive that I do and it scares the crap out of me
• 58:18
  because she thinks dad's always gonna be there to pick up the pieces so I so I had to put
• 58:23
  the like I do in business I put the stop where I said okay here's she she turns 16 she didn't get a
• 58:28
  car I was like an afford a car she we had we made a deal she had to get this amount of grades she
• 58:34
  didn't get it she didn't get a car most parents would have got her car because they were said oh well
• 58:39
  it's easier for me yeah but this is the way the you with the world works it everything is earned
• 58:47
  privileges are earned she did not earn it she did not get it what do you what do you bring up about
• 58:52
  is sort of your past and your journey and how does it do you have candid conversations she knows
• 58:57
  everything about she's read the book so she knows every say like they've heard it so much she's
• 59:02
  heard so many times they've kind of you know numbed it out because it's insane Scott I can't
• 59:10
  wait my sister's nine years older than me and when I prove right in the book I had to call and
• 59:14
  ask her I was like this is what I remember she's like that's all you remember she's like it was a
• 59:19
  thousand times worse so there was part of me that blocked it out for for to protect myself she's
• 59:25
  nine years older so she was 16 17 and I was only nine or eight and and so she told me some things
• 59:34
  that I had forgot so the other day you know I just this is this is this is success to me is this
• 59:42
  is making sure when she turns on okay and and and full disclosure one of my number one concerns is that
• 59:48
  she doesn't live her fullest potential and that was the thought to magicalize she's gonna figure it
• 59:54
  out she's not gonna figure it out at 16 but she's gonna figure it out because she's got a dead
• 1:00:01
  we've got multiple companies she's gonna figure it out she isn't gonna be this this she I allow
• 1:00:07
  this and I beat myself up over that so I so I go kick get up you gotta get up you know it's so
• 1:00:13
  I'm not perfect in any regard not in any of this stuff but I am gonna keep showing up and showing
• 1:00:19
  out so yeah but I am proud that she we have a deal where she drops a pin and and if she's
• 1:00:27
  over in a situation we have done some role plays where I said you know you're gonna be in a situation
• 1:00:32
  someone's gonna hand you weed someone's gonna have you a beer and she's dead that came in handy
• 1:00:38
  you know I we worked out one that she didn't want to be the dork someone handed her weed she's
• 1:00:43
  I gotta go to the bathroom because we talked about it yeah and she and she went into the bathroom
• 1:00:47
  dropped a pin came and got her and just took her to her mom's house we and I said I don't know
• 1:00:53
  questions ask I'm not gonna make a scene this is the deal we have so she she's she's having a
• 1:00:59
  battle with she isn't fit in because she doesn't do all these things she's not boy crazy so she is
• 1:01:04
  that and I feel for her but at least I'm there man I'm there I didn't have those conversations when
• 1:01:10
  I was a child it sucked I was alone I never cried I cried more now for gratitude than they ever
• 1:01:18
  cried when I was a kid because if I did cry in my and my mother and my stepfather they'd say I'd
• 1:01:23
  give you something to cry about most of the time they weren't there they're out drinking so there's
• 1:01:27
  nobody to cry too loves alone yeah I think that listen you can't control everything but just being
• 1:01:34
  the the role model and having these super candid conversations with your kid I mean I don't have
• 1:01:39
  kids but that's the way that I want a parent just show up just show up just show up that's half the
• 1:01:44
  battle man you know she knows that I'm flying and everyone will make mistakes and you can't you
• 1:01:49
  can't hate the kid if they do make mistakes but already the the level of candor that you have
• 1:01:54
  between you and her and it's beautiful she's a blast yeah you know and frankly you know I made
• 1:02:01
  her mother was like my mother and and and that's the hardest part still supporting her mother
• 1:02:08
  when she doesn't make great choices you know and it's and and so my daughter will say to me
• 1:02:14
  hey dad I got I can't leave mom because you know she always wants to come out vacation I can't
• 1:02:19
  leave mom because I feel like I got to take care of her and I'd break my heart and I say it's
• 1:02:24
  not your job to take care of her but I will tell you mom loves you and she's doing the best she can
• 1:02:29
  and I got to stick up for even though some of the decisions she makes I'm like oh no
• 1:02:36
  but I've learned to separate that even you know given the opportunity to support me and my
• 1:02:41
  sobriety journey she chose to fight me yeah good luck with that I'm on defeated baby
• 1:02:48
  how did how did your sobriety journey obviously it's impacted you your relationship with your
• 1:02:53
  daughter in such a positive way how did it impact your business well at first it and hindered it
• 1:02:58
  in that my drinking body is quit doing business with me so we took a little bit of a hit I don't
• 1:03:02
  tell them it's weird but it did man people liked going out to Kelly and just knowing that we had
• 1:03:07
  a cover we're one of the very for sure things in life man we put our software in the service you're
• 1:03:13
  not going to get pop with any kind of ransomware I'm sure and you follow what we do which is
• 1:03:18
  the number one thing is I love myself so much I know that I have a standard and we have that we
• 1:03:23
  we've been still that standard at NTM and I get that we run EOS and I picked all the core values
• 1:03:29
  and that's how people get to do business they have to retain those core values it's really a
• 1:03:33
  standard that everything in my life I adhere to we never dip alone anytime we do I'm reminded
• 1:03:39
  so if we let somebody deviate and that comes with the confidence the quiet confidence that you
• 1:03:44
  have that you know I'm not going to drink today and everything's going to be okay and I'm going
• 1:03:48
  to succeed and I'm going to win and it's funny how you you'll push away deals that are going to
• 1:03:54
  be problem deals it's good so it's happened it's it's it's the choosing yourself and continuously
• 1:04:00
  choosing yourself that's what I laugh and I call myself the chosen one that's that's the other
• 1:04:04
  thing choose yourself it's also known as self love having a drink having some weed taking a
• 1:04:11
  freaking gummy having sex with randoms um scrolling is not choosing yourself getting up at
• 1:04:19
  freaking four a.m. doing gratitude doing meditation go into the gym go in and showing up and
• 1:04:26
  showing out and listening to your staff being there for my daughter those are all things that
• 1:04:31
  pick me it's men though we have a hard time choosing ourselves you know we got to look out for our
• 1:04:37
  wives our businesses our kids everybody else but us and that's what I'm helping the the people in my
• 1:04:45
  group choose themselves self care is not selfish they tell you on an airplane put your mask on before
• 1:04:52
  you help anybody else because you're no good to anybody else dead so you can be all this people please
• 1:04:56
  earn help everybody who's pleasing you who's pleasing that inner child who's making you feel hurt
• 1:05:03
  who's helping making you feel seen and that's where we unlock in the heart of the life nation
• 1:05:08
  that's what you get from my coaching is we identify what you need to feel seen and hurt and loved
• 1:05:14
  and then we freaking breathe into it as a team and as 101 and it's amazing I I'm going to have a
• 1:05:20
  guy in the podcast I want to steal his name this Friday that he is a bad-ass green beret and I
• 1:05:26
  asked him that question he burst out in tears that we hugged and that was the intimacy and we're
• 1:05:31
  gonna break it down the podcast but that's the kind of stuff that when you see a grown man who's a
• 1:05:36
  275 pounds six foot three killer break down because he's providing for everybody else and nobody's
• 1:05:44
  right providing for him that's tough that's it that's what I love about now society Scott
• 1:05:52
  is it's okay for me to go Scott yeah it's okay to be vulnerable it's okay to cry and it's okay
• 1:05:56
  I got you you know we were taught and I was taught that you had to be tough and you didn't show
• 1:06:02
  your feelings that's that's all be asked man you know let's have a drink and it's free of feelings
• 1:06:07
  no no let's have a real vulnerable and authentic and really transparent conversation and I say to
• 1:06:14
  you I'm scared death of what's what this next generation of my daughter has to deal with I'm scared
• 1:06:22
  death of this but there's a duality there because I agree because you so to go to the other end
• 1:06:28
  of the spectrum where you don't provide and you don't work hard and you don't do things that are
• 1:06:33
  worth doing is also not the answer you guaranteed it'll happen if you don't do in action you
• 1:06:40
  almost but these guys are doing guys guys are on two ends are either too hard and don't show
• 1:06:45
  their feelings and our providers or they're not providers and they don't do anything and that's
• 1:06:50
  what you dance in the heart the heart of the life happier than life thing I harder than life when
• 1:06:56
  I first started this six years was probably was on that level and now it's oh as I freaking broke
• 1:07:01
  that down that tough guy yeah I became happy so guys watch my journey and when you see this
• 1:07:10
  perpetual smile it was because I I can connect with man like you and smile and be vulnerable and say
• 1:07:18
  you know I'm scared of these moments or or that this is something that I'm struggling with and I
• 1:07:25
  need your help biggest thing in the thing hardest thing for me to work words is asked for help and
• 1:07:30
  what I do first walked in I start asking you hey can you help me of course and you know what I
• 1:07:36
  know right away you're my people because you're like heck yeah bro because you know right on the
• 1:07:40
  other side of that is you're gonna be like hey can you introduce me so and this is what life is
• 1:07:45
  living yeah I think that that and that's the important thing like many ideas can be true at the
• 1:07:50
  same time so you can be a provider and you can be you can be in touch with yourself and and take
• 1:07:57
  care of yourself and you can you know you can tie into your emotions and you can be taking care
• 1:08:03
  of your wife and also be vulnerable at the same like all these things are true at the same time I
• 1:08:08
  think that what we end up doing is you just sort of we become this sort of this simple version
• 1:08:15
  of what we think we have to be and then we can't be anything else my girlfriend is the best she's
• 1:08:19
  ever she's ever felt more seen more heard and more safe yeah and and that's by me putting myself
• 1:08:27
  first yeah because I can be all there's a funny thing about it guys guys I'm a little right in the
• 1:08:32
  camera and so it's really like this is just listen twice as much as you talk your your wife doesn't
• 1:08:38
  you're significant other doesn't need you to answer and neither does your staff this is a business
• 1:08:42
  advice to yeah they don't need the answers they see you listen and they need to be heard and ask
• 1:08:48
  a question about it I have a thing and a guy's got it from Dan one three one role what's the one
• 1:08:53
  issue what are your three freaking recommendations and then what's the one you picked and then we
• 1:09:00
  unpack it and they it's amazing how somebody feels that they're a part of the solution or the
• 1:09:06
  decision that they'll they'll get behind it so it just listen man to God gave you two freaking
• 1:09:14
  ears and one mouth for a reason the more I listen probably heard that from Chris fossil up too
• 1:09:20
  the more you listen the more people tell on themselves but the more that they feel heard it bonds you
• 1:09:26
  it's it's the you know the the first person that speaks loses the person who speaks most loses
• 1:09:33
  how do you differentiate between ego driven goals and purpose driven goals all is so good
• 1:09:41
  for me I'm going to I can give you the the the canes where I'm going to be my is my answer is
• 1:09:46
  purpose driven goals I feel in my heart and it's easy and I'll have to think about them
• 1:09:52
  ego driven goals I have to work at I have to actually think about and I usually I usually know
• 1:10:00
  that they're ego driven if I have to ask if they're ego driven that's funny it just purpose driven
• 1:10:06
  fuels you up it's it's part of that book this the second mountain it's it just comes God's plan for you
• 1:10:13
  happens I could sit here and use for another hour and tell you the last year breaking down how I know
• 1:10:19
  I just told you about the airplane I could give you 50 freaking 90 times for that happens that happens
• 1:10:24
  to me there is a purpose for you when you fall out of line that is God putting you back and we ignore
• 1:10:30
  that that is energy the source it's you're on your path to where you're supposed to be and then
• 1:10:35
  you start derailing and then bad things start happening like get back to what you were doing
• 1:10:42
  and just it's just it's like what Mel Robbins let them it's let it happen
• 1:10:48
  every part you don't have to force what's meant for you you don't we have to set up
• 1:10:55
  guidelines and parameters and standards to push the things away that are bad for you everything
• 1:10:59
  above that that's that's literally you an ego is external it really is that's external well
• 1:11:06
  I'm going to have a big house you know I got to have all he said do you need it or do you want
• 1:11:12
  really boils down to me as as I've grown and gotten a bigger reach and made it bigger that
• 1:11:18
  the less I need it is another thing too man they're not drinking I don't want choir much
• 1:11:24
  that's why we're going to donate most of this charity I'm going to take care of my staff
• 1:11:28
  people that helped us build this we're going to take care of them they're going to be rich beyond
• 1:11:32
  all wilds beliefs and then we're going to donate the charity because I don't I don't need it
• 1:11:38
  and watch the more give away the more we make yeah it's funny how that works seem so it lights you
• 1:11:44
  up man what lights you up is is just is purpose driven you know coming full circle I think that
• 1:11:49
  that's when when people are again along with their own thoughts they're sitting inside what was
• 1:11:54
  that silence stillness solitude or were you're going to go full silence stillness solitude yeah
• 1:12:00
  and when I would add to it is significant you'll end up being significant yeah you can sit in
• 1:12:05
  there yeah so the full circle is who do your best equipped to help the person used to be I was a
• 1:12:12
  scared beaten little boy who was scared to death and now I have very few fears I said I was scared
• 1:12:21
  but I'm not it if I'm ever scared we're in a bad situation bro because I've used it all up
• 1:12:28
  and so but that's the portal to and then the other thing to us whatever keeps happening to you
• 1:12:34
  that is that's your portal that's what you have to lean into got there we call them red flags
• 1:12:39
  look into those red flags for more likely what needs attention and I got a new flush mine was
• 1:12:45
  all about the drinking and as soon as I attached that then then a lot all the purpose who created
• 1:12:49
  that space that you spoke about yeah that's so key that's so so key um where well first of all
• 1:12:55
  you have a new book coming out so happier than life um that'll be available I mean you're
• 1:13:02
  gonna give it for free or we're gonna we're gonna give the electronic version away to free so just
• 1:13:05
  follow me on instagram when I announce it message me uh book or or just in the DMs and we'll have
• 1:13:11
  an automatically set up to send it to people now I'm not a big fan of those I read books books
• 1:13:16
  it'll be available on amazon and all of where books are sold so if you want to buy you can still buy
• 1:13:22
  and get a book but I will email the electronic copy when it's available I'm still in final
• 1:13:27
  proof truth be told I told you absolutely transparent I almost want to throw the darn thing out
• 1:13:33
  because in the last three months I've grown the most I think I've grown since I started this
• 1:13:37
  and I want to redo it but the meat and potatoes of it the daily habits and rituals that I'm given
• 1:13:42
  to people are the same ones I'm using today but the stories around it are changing every day like
• 1:13:47
  I can't I can't put in the airplane story because I've already read it yeah yeah yeah and it says
• 1:13:53
  things keep happening that you cannot say or have a stance you just can't when I ask a specific
• 1:14:00
  thing to God and it gets delivered to me like can you smooth this plan out so I can have a conversation
• 1:14:05
  with you when the pilot says we're gonna have nothing but turbulence for the next hour so I'm
• 1:14:10
  going to put the the stewardess in their seat explain that to me I can go on and on and on so
• 1:14:20
  those are the stories that I want to do so I'm going to release it and we're going to set it so
• 1:14:23
  if people follow me kelly dot seagull that's 71 on Instagram that's our preferred platform we're
• 1:14:27
  on everything Instagram tick tock yeah we just recorded a round of of socials that are going to
• 1:14:33
  blow people's mind you've learned so much in your life we've talked about a whole bunch of
• 1:14:36
  different great ideas they're going to help people on the show today if you could only pass on
• 1:14:40
  one lesson to your kids to your to your daughter what would that lesson be and why I stole this
• 1:14:46
  from Ram Das and it was love everybody and tell the truth and I say that because it hits me so
• 1:14:52
  hard because I've been lied to we've all we've all been lied to but I was lied to as a child
• 1:14:57
  and the truth hurts once the lie hurts forever so we just if I could pass one universal law
• 1:15:04
  would be always had to tell the truth not your truth the truth it wouldn't make this world a lot
• 1:15:09
  better place it would make it easy we could I can maneuver with the truth yeah and I could fix
• 1:15:15
  anything but death but you got to give me the truth so love everybody tell the truth that's
• 1:15:22
  what I tell everyone and the world could be anything you wanted to be in this world you just have
• 1:15:26
  to freaking out people and help yourself and work on yourself it becomes amazing