Latest / Can I Speak? / Can I Speak.... About Friendship?

Transcript

Can I Speak.... About Friendship? · Can I Speak?

• Chloe: Hey y'all, I'm Chloe. Dae: I'm day. Elijah Jay: And I'm Elijah. Chloe: And welcome to the first episode of Can I Speak? Elijah Jay: Yeah. Dae: Three prints. Chloe: Three perspectives. Elijah Jay: And one conversation. Dae: Y'all, this project has been in the works for a while now. And I'm just so happy that we finally made it to this point. Chloe: Yes, it's been a long time coming. A long good time coming. Over here. Elijah Jay: been a long time coming. Truly. Truly. Truly. But you know, before Dae: Long time. Elijah Jay: we get into this thing, let's go ahead and do a mic check. Let's let's see how everybody's been. Like how have y'all mental been? Like what's been going on this week? Chloe: First, y'all, give your mental health a one out of ten for this past week because mental health is important. So I'll say my mental health is probably at a six, which I feel like isn't too bad, you know, like more than half. Elijah Jay: A bit. Chloe: I had a pretty rough week, but I'm having a much better weekend. So I'm really happy about that. Dae: That's good. as for me, I think my mental health is good. The physical health, I just feel like so stiff, not going to Chloe: Yeah. Dae: the gym, not being able to work out. but I'm adjusting. So all is well. Chloe: What would you write it? What would you write your mental health? Out of ten. Dae: probably like a seven out of ten. Chloe: That's good. Elijah Jay: That's not bad. That's good. That's good. Dae: 'Cause my musical Jesus help. Chloe: Ha ha ha. Dae: My physical and mental health, I feel like they're tied. When I'm like physically fit, it just helps me mentally. Elijah Jay: That's good, that's good. You know, when you feel good you Chloe: When you feel good, you look good. Elijah Jay: You know, you know. When you feel good, you look good. When you look good, you feel good. Dae: When you fe yeah. When you look good, you feel good. Two things can be true. Elijah Jay: Period. But yeah, so Dae: How are you? Elijah Jay: that statement just showed you how my week was it's been it's been wrong. It has been rough, but I'm here. I'm still stand I'm still here. Here, here. Y'all know that? But yeah. I'm still here, Dae: Yes. Chloe: I fear I'm not familiar with that one, but you are still here. We are still here. Elijah Jay: you know. Like I would rate my mental health. I would say I'm like at a seven because I give myself like that. You know, something could happen. I try to give myself that cushion. Don't think things are gonna Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: are gonna be perfect. Give myself like that. that grace, you know that this what's gonna happen. But it that's it still has been a trying week, you know, we're here. And like you say, it's Dae: Okay. Elijah Jay: the weekend and Chloe: of the weekend. Dae: It's the weekend. Elijah Jay: Cheers. Dae: Cheers to the weekend. let's get into today's topic. Elijah Jay: Hey, it's getting real. It's time to get started. Chloe: Let us know what we talking about today. What we talking about today. What can we speak about? Dae: Can I speak about friendship? Elijah Jay: Hmm. Let's talk about it. Chloe: Let's talk about friendship, y'all. Let's talk about friendship. Dae: Let's what's one lesson y'all feel like friendship has taught you the hard way? Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Ooh, I feel like lately friendship has taught me that history really does not equal compatibility. Like there are some friendships that I feel like I'm holding on to just because I know you since we were seven. Like we're no longer probably we never were compatible, but especially at this point, we're no longer compatible. And God has been so kind. I've met people in the last like three, four, five months and it's like wow, we we didn't we didn't lock in. Like we Dae: Yeah. Chloe: and I don't even know you like that. But yeah, I think history Elijah Jay: Certainly. Chloe: does not mean compatibility. Dae: That's good. That's real good. Elijah J. Elijah Jay: I would say mine is similar to what Chloe said. Like, truly, like, time, time does not tell all. Like, I feel like we kind of you want to be able to say, like, I've been friends with this person for Chloe: Mm. Elijah Jay: 15 plus years, 10 plus years. So it's like we hold loyalty over like compatibility. Like, are we truly Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: friends? Like, do we actually have things in common? Are we on the same path? Are we actually truly? And what Chloe: Do I even know you? Elijah Jay: what Does do I really know you mean? Like, does that mean like I'm not actually talking to you or like do we actually are we helping each other? Like are we benefiting from each other? Like is this this friendship beneficial or Dae: Is the iron sharpening the iron? Elijah Jay: truly, you know. Chloe: But some seasons you might not be being sharpened. You just doing the sharpening. Elijah Jay: And are you okay with that? Dae: I think in friendship you have to be okay with that. there's gonna be times where I'm not fully hundred a hundred percent. And so as my friends, well I know this to be the case at this point, but there's been times where y'all have had to like lift me up and like vice versa. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: And then there are gonna be times when y'all aren't a hundred percent. Elijah Jay: But I feel like those are Dae: And I got you. Elijah Jay: the times where you actually figure out that, hey, these are my friends because it's not you know, it that's where the conflict comes in where it's like I Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: feel like I'm not getting from you what I need, but you're in the moment where you can't give that. So am I okay being your friend in that moment, you know? Chloe: But see, and I think that's where friendship gets tricky because we start expecting people to do things for us that was never their role. So then it starts Dae: Mm. Chloe: being, she don't give me what I need, but I was never supposed to get that to you anyway. You actually need to go reach up and grab, Dae: But I it gr Chloe: touch the hem of his garment. That's the only way you was ever gonna get that. Dae: I think that's the case. Elijah Jay: Surely though. Dae: do y'all think there are There's certain expectations that just comes with being a friend. Chloe: Like kinda like what's understood don't have to be explained. Dae: Like yeah, because at that point like I'd I shouldn't be filling a void for you. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: But I do think I should show up as your friend. Chloe: Yes, yes. But see, people be wanting you to fill that void and I'm Dae: Okay, you did. Chloe: not your man or your mama. So it's just like Dae: And I'm not Jesus. Elijah Jay: That's good. But Chloe: And I think that's what it really be. They want you to play God. Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: So do you think having that expectation is what's the downfall of friendship or or relationships in general? Like should we put an expectation on people? Chloe: Yes, but I don't think it's having the expectation. I think it's the unset expectation. Like you want something for Dae: That's good. Chloe: me and I don't even know. I had no Dae: That's that's real. That's real. Chloe: clue this is what you desired. Dae: No, that's good. Make it plain. how many real friends do y'all think y'all have? Chloe: and it's gonna be no T, no shade. No T, Dae: No tea. Chloe: no shade. But if I say real friends, and to me, real friend means I'm going to let you see me in the gutter. Like Dae: Yeah. Chloe: that I mean down bad. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: well, I got y'all. And I'll add like Dae: Yeah. Chloe: one more in the possible. So I say I got like Dae: Okay. Chloe: three in the possible. Dae: Yeah, for sure. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: I think for me it's y'all. And like you said, one more and a possible. No, I got two solid more. Yeah, four. Four for sure. Chloe: Yeah, we got a possible. Okay, so you got four. And a possible or or no possible. Dae: Four for sure. Chloe: Okay. Four solid. Four solid. Dae: For sales. Elijah Jay: for me, of course y'all. We we we we've been there through there. Chloe: We've been take me through the take me through the whole week. Dae: shit. Elijah Jay: I've seen y'all have seen Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: the the tears, the snot, the I don't wanna talk, the you Dae: I'm finna cry. Elijah Jay: know. Chloe: No, like we've actually seen each other like ugly cry. Like can't breathe cry. Elijah Jay: And the crazy part about it, I I can say like the three of us on this screen, we literally we are the Dae: Até corre. Elijah Jay: ones to put up like that, like, you know. We're we're good, like, you know. What what's to that? You know? Chloe: Yeah, like I really yeah. I'm I'm actually too solid to cry. Elijah Jay: seen that is crazy. Dae: That's what I was gonna say. One thing I love about our friendship is like a lot of times I don't have to say nothing. And then it'll be like, Chloe: yeah, you just know. Dae: like girl. And Chloe: Okay. Dae: I feel so goofy because I'm like, I know they don't. Okay. Chloe: Right. Right like who you fooling? Yourself? Dae: wait, y'all prepare for me to cry at least twice each episode. Chloe: she's going to cry every episode. And we ain't even got down to the nitty gritty. Elijah Jay: The fact that it's already started is crazy. We haven't even started Dae: wait. Elijah Jay: nothing. But yeah, like I would say I definitely have Dae: that's good. Elijah Jay: y'all and I'm gonna say Mm. and I'm gonna say I have a I'll say three and a possible. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: Like three total or three extra? Elijah Jay: No, y'all and then three. But Dae: Okay. Chloe: Okay, so you have five in the possible. Elijah Jay: five and the possible. But with that three, I feel like or with everyone, I feel like if there's tears to it. Like I've Chloe: Yeah, for sure. Elijah Jay: I've definitely compartmentalized everything. Like, you know. Everybody doesn't hold the same. Dae: No nothing has to be said. We got you. Chloe: Yeah. We get okay, so what does real friend mean to you? Like Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: personally? Dae: I think it's like you said, like my the people that are like my real friends, y'all have literally seen me at my worst. Like I don't mind sharing anything with y'all, like what I'm struggling with currently, like my deepest, darkest things. I don't mind sharing those with y'all. Chloe: Truly. Elijah Jay: Same like Chloe: I think for go ahead. This this while we call cannot speak because we will get to just jumping over each other. Go ahead, go see, go see. Mm-mm. Dae: Just talking and thinking. So don't be like, they just they just talk over each other because that's how this came Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Can I speak this time? Okay. But yeah, Dae: about. Elijah Jay: so it's just like, yeah, like you said, I feel like it's I'm not okay with being vulnerable, but I'm okay with being vulnerable with you. I'm okay with you seeing that and you knowing that I'm not okay with that. You know, like it's very uncomfortable for me and I'm in this very uncomfortable situation. I trust you enough For you to be in this uncomfortable situation with me. Because it's uncomfortable for you because you're not used to it either. So, you know. Chloe: Mm. that's Dae: That's good. Chloe: good. Please. Dae: Right there. Chloe: I think mine is like I said, let you see me down in the gutter, but really like emphasizing gutter mentally, but also like financially. If I'm comfortable asking you, hey, like hey, now I'm big, I'm big bank club. Let the record show. But if I if I was ever in situation and I'm not comfortable asking you for a little twin in piece. Baby, we ain't friends. I ain't even asked Dae: Yeah. Chloe: you for a little a little twenty. Mm-mm. Dae: Yeah. For sure. Elijah Jay: That's true. You gotta look after Dae: Ask me. Elijah Jay: your people. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: Okay. Okay. I'm a quick wheel scenario. Dae: Okay. Chloe: Okay. do y'all, y'all know how like you'll be out with somebody, let's say you driving, y'all stop through the drive-thru. And you they get you some. I mean, you know, they ordering, y'all order and make it one order. Do y'all want them to give you your money back? Dae: Please don't pay me back for no McDonald's. No little Chick-fil-A. Chloe: And I fear please Elijah Jay: Sure then. Chloe: send me my money, Apple Pay Cash App Zell. I take cash quarters and pennies. But I need all Dae: I think it also depends on Chloe: I need all of me. Elijah Jay: Myra said, I don't care if it was the Wendy's four for four. Dae: I just especially if I'm like let's Chloe: Cause people start getting off. And now we just spent the whole Dae: Yes. for sure. Chloe: with we didn't spend the whole day together. So we probably have eaten a few times and maybe got a little ice cream and it's just like, all right. Dae: But I think it's d like they ain't offered to pay for nothing. Chloe: Hm. Truly people will just sit in your car. Dae: Like if see that's crazy 'cause if you got lunch, I got dinner. Dessert, so Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloe: See and people don't that's why I have three in a possible right right there. Yeah, truly. Dae: But I think I must say, but you know those people. Well, you have to go first and say separate. Elijah Jay: I was just about to say, I feel like I'm on the same wavelength as what Dave said. Like, I feel like if we're stopping at Wendy's right now because you know we're finna go to the bar, have a couple of drinks. Okay, you may you're sitting in the driver's seat, you just gave her your card. Now we're going to the bar, okay, let me get the first round of drinks or our appetizer, Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: whatever it is. Like it's reciprocation. I don't feel like I have to be like, you know, okay, the total was twenty dollars. Go ahead and send me your ten dollars and depend on the relationship. Like, you know, if Dae: tip. Yeah. Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: I know that if I've experienced you, we've gone out a few times and you're you've shown me like, if I don't ask for anything or if I don't say anything, you're not going to be like, what's my half or you know, what's going on? Yeah. Chloe: baby, I guess to request it. Dae: Request it, but I'll also never hang out with you again. Chloe: And I mean not never. Elijah Jay: 'cause it Dae: So Elijah Jay: it never gave trick around here. Never gave trick. Dae: okay, or tree. Chloe: I'm getting on before then I'm leaving here with something. Dang it. Dae: Yeah, no. That's good. Elijah Jay: And if it gave it, you finna massage these toes. You finna get the rubbing. Chloe: Or song. Dae: How did we get to the feast? Chloe: Something. Shorty. Dae: He said he said That's Elijah Jay: speaking of that, what's an immediate friendship red flag? Chloe: Ooh, cause it'd be so many. And I'm just so Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloe: I'm so naive sometimes. Ooh, help Dae: Okay. Chloe: me God. For me, I think I have unfortunately Have just run across a lot of people who just they aren't genuinely happy for you. It's and I know that as a human, it's it's hard. I think we've all been there to express true happiness for somebody when that's not where you are in your life. So having friends or having a friend that can't be like genuinely happy, like deep, deep in the gut of it, so baby, you got to go quick. Dae: And I mean immediately. Chloe: Now. Dae: Because I feel like often people don't sit with the fact that two things can be true. Like I can be sad for me and so happy for you. And if Chloe: Two things can't Dae: not, more happy for you because the God is in the neighborhood, okay? Chloe: And also on the flip, if I feel like if you have genuine friendship and that you guys know what I'm thinking about, but we've gone through this, like I had to cry because I was happy for you and sad for me and flipped. Like you cried because you were sad for me, but happy for you. Thank you. Dae: Yeah. I literally I couldn't be happy for me because I was so sad. Like, Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Alrighty, I'm gonna cry again. But Chloe: He Dae: but yeah, I think one red flag for me in friendship is like when you expect me to be your everything. I can I can put I Chloe: Mm, you be all in the end all. Dae: can point you in the right direction. Chloe: Cause surely I'm not eating everything for myself. Dae: Trip. And I don't know. Do y'all know Ty Tripp when he said everything to me? like I can point you in the right direction. Give you a little scripture, prayer here and there, but I can't be everything to you. Chloe: At every moment. Elijah Jay: Would never. Dae: And I was gonna say, yeah, it's just not it's not humanly possible. You're truly looking for God and I'm not him. I actually refuse to play him. You don't get me Chloe: Truly. 'Cause he he ain't gonna come get me for cosplaying. Elijah Jay: Yes. It's not it's not my place. Dae: You don't get me in big trouble with Big G Chloe: Right. Dae: O D. Elijah Jay: I'm trying to think. Y'all know I'm the I'm the friendliest of friendliest. So it's like. Chloe: Yeah, if he talks to anybody, I actually get so irritated. Dae: It it I get so irritated. So so irritating. Chloe: Cause let's go. You know, we're gonna take it pee. Elijah Jay: But I would say what I've experienced is when you are that person that's like outgoing and and ready to just, you know, or not just ready, but like that's just naturally who you are. You people gravitate to you, you gravitate towards people. People can be envious and jealous of that. Like, so it's like I feel like if you're that person you have something to say about me being around or being able to be in the mix. Just because you don't want to. Like, that's a red flag to me. Like, I'm a I'm sorry that you don't want to put yourself out there. I'm sorry that you don't want to network. I'm sorry that you Chloe: Who Elijah Jay: want to stay in the same circle that Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: you're in, but complain about the people that you're around. That has nothing to do with me. Like Dae: ahead and get off your chest, bud. Elijah Jay: You know, like that's just th I feel like that's one of my if I had to give like a personal real flag red flag, 'cause I feel like we all kinda what y'all say I I can resonate with in a in a way. But that's my personal like get off. Dae: I think it's such a good balance even with us 'cause it's like I know if I go out with you, I don't have to I can literally sit there and be the introvert that I truly am. Because Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Thank you. Dae: he's gonna be entertainment, he's gonna talk to people and all I gotta do is smile and eye. Chloe: Right. Elijah Jay: But I'm also I'm also not gonna let you just sit there because you're gonna also have a good time as well in your own way. In your own way. Like, you know, Dae: that's true. Now that part does get annoyed. Elijah Jay: like you're gonna get out your shell, you're gonna, you know, and not even in your shell, cause you just you're like you said, you can sit there and truly be enter like you you would rather be out and be entertained than to be the entertainment. Like, you know, recording and being like, This is what you did, you know. Dae: Yes. that's good. Chloe: So we all we got our friends and you know we got them possibles. Do y'all feel like y'all have a best friend? And if you do, what made them your best friend? Elijah Jay: Yeah. Chloe: Like the bestest of them is like they actually number one. Bury us together. Same cognum. Dae: I think no T, no shade. Chloe: No seed, no shade. Dae: I think at this point in my life it's like transitioning. Chloe: Okay, okay. Dae: and it's like like you said, the history thing is Chloe: Yeah. Dae: very real. But it's like these people do mean so much to me. Chloe: Right. And I love you no less. Dae: It but it's it's honestly not a dim thing. It's just like I don't even know how I need you to show up in this season. Chloe: Mm. That's a good one. That's a good one. Dae: So I can't I can't really say that like yeah. Chloe: Like yeah, okay. That's a good one. Elijah. Elijah Jay: I was gonna I low key feel the same because it's almost as if like you're doing that person a disservice to I feel like when you're in that that space of I don't know what I need from you or what I need from anyone at this point, you're doing them a disservice as to say like you're my best friend, but I don't then I don't even know how I want you to show up or how you should show up. You know, because I can't say like, okay, well, yeah, you're being a best friend because what does a best friend look like at this point? What what does Elijah need in this moment that would d differentiate you from being just my friend to being my best friend? Chloe: Mm, that's good. Dae: Yeah, that's good. Well Elijah Jay: I you know. Chloe: That's good. I don't have a best friend, but the older I get, I do think, and I don't know if they're gonna shoot me in the comments. Cause I didn't used to think that way. I used to think like you need to be loyal to one person. Y'all gonna learn real quick I'm very big on loyalty. but I do think that you can have A quote unquote different best friend in different seasons of your life. Cause that goes Dae: Yeah, for sure. Chloe: back to what they said about you can't be everybody's everything. So I could be going through something and my quote unquote best friend, you actually have no idea what to do. And not saying that you're not a good friend. But in this moment, in this part of the month of the year, you're just not the best person that I would come to. But currently, no, T C don't have a best friend. Dae: Do y'all think it's okay for you to be somebody's best friend and they not be yours or somebody be your best friend and you're not theirs? Chloe: girl he'll Absolutely not. Mm-mm. This needs to be reciprocated. Dae: That's Elijah Jay: And that's crazy because the reason I'm I'm like cringing because I'm really big on reciprocation, but I do feel like it's kind of possible for someone to, you know, pour into somebody else and that person not be the person that needs to pour back into you. So that does not mean that you're that yeah, like so that means that person is your best friend or you're that person's best friend, but that person not your best friend. Because it's like okay, say for instance, I'm pouring it I'm pouring Chloe: Please give examples. Dae: Quickly. Before she gets to stroke it out. Elijah Jay: Immediately. Okay, like say I'm Chloe's best friend. I'm your best friend. You know, you're getting advice. You're I'm pouring into you when, you know, I'm not being your yes man. I'm like, yeah, you were wrong in that situation, sis. But you know, you're right in this, or you know, this is what you should do. You know, we best friends. You're telling you're able to confide in me, you're able to tell me things, but On my end, I feel like you're not doing that same thing for me. Like, or when you tell me something, it's not resonating, it's not hidden, it's not, you know, it's going over my head. But Day is doing that. Day is telling me, like, you know, something different. She's telling me this, this, or she may even be telling me the same thing and I'm just receiving it a different way. She's my best friend. You know? Chloe: But then I feel like that's how resentment gets started. And then actually we was never friends, we were enemies. Because you actually hate me. Elijah Jay: Cause what you mean she told you the same thing and you you took it better from her? Chloe: Right. You actually hate me. Dae: Yeah, I think if it's the same thing, I think if you feel more comfortable confiding in one person over the other the another I think are we getting deep? I think Chloe: Ha. Dae: that's probably a character flaw that I have. I value people deeper or like their relationships deeper than people see me. Like, Dana's Chloe: Mm. Dae: my friend, that's my homegirl. And I'll be like, that's my best friend. Just because I thrive off of relationships and like people and community. Chloe: Mmm, that's good. Elijah Jay: So Would that like make you s feel some type of way if like say you and your best friend are going somewhere and you know, y'all are both meeting people y'all have never known and y'all are introducing each other and you're saying like, Hey, this is my best friend so and so and they say, this is my friend Day. Dae: I think for me that that would be like a moment of realization, like, okay. Like now I know. Chloe: Can I tell y'all a quick story for the people without telling them a quick story for the people? I was I was Elijah Jay: Go ahead. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: out somewhere with a person who played like multiple roles in my life. And I was introducing them as so this is me just playing devil's advocate. I was introducing them as more so as like the professional role. Like, we work together, this is my coworker. But we knew that we had, you know, a sp a more bonded special relationship. And they would correct me or correct me telling them like, nah. Like this my homegirl. I'm like, you are my homegirl. Like I'm I'm not taking away that away from you, but you also play this role. So I think like maybe sometimes people just don't think, but I don't think that meant I didn't view her as my homegirl. You know, this is Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Dae: I think it depends on the setting. Chloe: But see and and we was in that professional setting where it was more appropriate for me to say you my coworker, so it's like, all right, Dae: Okay. Yeah. Then you're my coworker. Chloe: right, thank ya. Yeah. Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: I mean if I ever if I ever need to list you on a resume, I don't need them to know use my premiere. Use use my coworker. Chloe: Huh. You Dae: Truly. Chloe: were actually the manager and you're finna give me a great review. Elijah Jay: At their will. Dae: No, for real. Chloe: She was never late. Dae: What Elijah Jay: I Chloe: Cause y'all heard my take, but how do y'all feel about your friend following your significant other on social media? Dae: You know something ignorant came into my mind. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: I'm gonna try to be so serious. Why? Chloe: Block Him quickly. Dae: Like, do we all know each other from a mutual place? Y'all following each other like this was my man's? Chloe: No. Like you y you know my man because you know me. Dae: I know. Like what you want to see all the different? Chloe: Nah. Cause every everything you want to see about me is over here. I y'all, I hate that so bad. Don't ever in your life ever press follow ad friend Dae: Yeah. Chloe: TikTok Instagram. Actually if you see them on your for you page, you need something, Dae: What they Chloe: I'm not interested. But that might be a character Dae: I'm hollering. Chloe: flaw. It might be a little territorial. I don't know. I don't like that. Cause I'm not gonna follow your man. Elijah Jay: I was gonna say maybe I'm just toxic or Chloe: Ha ha ha. Dae: But I think that's also you. Elijah Jay: I need you I need you to play spy. Yeah. Go in and follow. Go do what you need to do. Like. Chloe: But see, people don't be playing spa right 'cause now now you're muted in block, right? Like Elijah Jay: You're right. Now you you're keeping information for yourself. Dae: Not even being. Chloe: you gotta do it from the fact page. You gotta do it off the dark rib. Elijah Jay: Okay, I get you. I see, I see what you're saying. You you Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: on your personal page should not just be regularly, you know, following my personal, especially like you said, if we didn't have any mutual like this wasn't something that we we already were in an a group and I just so happened to be with this person outside of the group, you know. No, if I if I came to the friend group and it's three of us and I'm like, hey, this is so and so and this is who I'm with. I mean I don't think I would care. Dae: I don't I think it goes back to the our parts Elijah Jay: Or maybe that's just maybe that's the friend. Like maybe it's your Chloe: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: fri like who it it depends on who it is. 'Cause I feel like with y'all I wouldn't care. Chloe: Maybe I've just been traumatized because you're trying to touch on my men. I just don't mind let's let me know what you're trying to do for real. Dae: I think I know by y'all's personality. I think it just depends on the person. But I like I wouldn't be mad, She said, Ask for me at my house. Chloe: And I think people take that as like, Chloe don't wanna be like cool with my man. Like you cool with me, you're supposed to be cool with who I'm with. Like, no, I'm actually gonna talk to them. We actually gonna be so cool. That's gonna be my brother, that's gonna be my sister, whatever. I'm just not following it on social media. Yeah, because anything I need to say, I can say through you. Elijah Jay: Yeah. Or like I'm as Dae: Yeah. Yeah. Elijah Jay: cool with Him as you allow me to be. Like if if you're in the vicinity, if you're present and you're allowing Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: me to be in this moment with you guys, then you know Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. Dae: Yeah, for sure. Elijah Jay: there's no need for me to have a personal relationship outside of y'all. Dae: Surely. Chloe: Truly. Dae: I actually now that is weird. But we can talk about that. can I speak about relationships? Stay tuned. Elijah Jay: Say too. Dae: I think Do y'all think it's okay to cut off a frame without explaining why? Chloe: Mm-hmm. Elijah Jay: Mm. Dae: Let me go ahead and get both of their answers. How no Elijah Jay: No, it is it's Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: it's never okay. It's never okay. I just I don't think Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: No. I don't even think I have to explain it. Like why would it be okay? That's the qu why would it be okay? Why would it be okay to cut to cut off a friend and not give an explanation? And I'm not saying an immediate explanation, but at no point. Chloe: actually needed 12.5 times new rum and double space because if you gonna cut me off I need to know why how you came to that conclusion especially because I know I am a damn good friend so to cut to cut me off you must be going insane like that has to be the craziest thing especially like if there hasn't been no like real harm done like I like a true friend Elijah Jay: And we're talking about friendship, right? We're not we're talking about like a a true friend, not associate, Dae: Like someone you consider different. Elijah Jay: not Chloe: Yeah, like and I didn't do nothing to you. I need Dae: Ha ha ha. Chloe: an email with your reasoning, please. So no, I don't think it's okay. Dae: Please attach your resident. I I think that like one no, it's not okay. Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: Because truly I was already looking at how your body type could fit into my wedding. Like and now now I gotta revamp. Chloe: I mean I had the dress. Elijah Jay: Like Chloe: Like I thought about what color looked Dae: The dress the soup. Chloe: good on your skin tone. I considered right and I considered Elijah Jay: And yeah, you you just gonna cut me off and not say nothing? Crazy. Chloe: you in all the aspects of Dae: I think Chloe: go seek help. Dae: the devil don't need no advocate. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: But playing devil's advocate, I think it can be hard for people to come to terms with like it I it's gonna be hard for me to sit in your face and tell you I don't wanna be your Chloe: Mm. Dae: friend But people just can't And I do feel like that's a Mm, that's a strong word I was about to use. It's an immature thing to do. Chloe: To cut them off without saying one. Dae: Yes, I do get that friendships That's Elijah Jay: Cow cowardly if you will, you know. Dae: the strong word I was gonna use. Elijah Jay: It it's almost as if like I want to I cause granted, do what you need to do for yourself. If that's what you Dae: Always. Elijah Jay: felt if you felt the need to do because you needed to do what what needed to be done for yourself, do that. But you you you basically took the scapegoat. Like you you tried to find your way out and you found your way, but you didn't you didn't think about the other Chloe: You did it the easiest way out. Yeah. Elijah Jay: person. Yeah. So it was like At that point is it did you cut that person off because they weren't a friend to you or are you really not a friend? Because you were only thinking about yourself. You weren't thinking about that person either. So you're wrong as well. No matter what you cut that person off about, you're you're just as wrong. Because it's like Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: in that moment, that person's confused, that person's trying to figure it out. And even in the midst, they're they're Chloe: Hm. Elijah Jay: say what I say, you know. You're a coward. Yeah. Dae: I'm okay with the friendship. I'm okay with the friendship that fades. But Chloe: Mm. Dae: like because of like people transition, like jobs, and maybe y'all saw each other because y'all worked together or like y'all went to elementary school together. Now y'all go to two different high schools. Or like, you know what I'm saying? How do we get from elementary to high school? Anyway, you give it a two different colleges or like Chloe: So di two different colleges, two different colleges. Yeah. Dae: life transitions. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: So I think some of those like it it's natural. but like I saw you yesterday. I'm not okay with that. Chloe: Truly. Okay. Yeah, it's very immature, but it also just helps me to realize everybody does not have the same emotional maturity. And that is something that I'm learning as an adult. Actually, most adults have no emotional maturity. how emotionally mature do you really have to be to go tell your friend like, hey, I don't want to be your friend because XYZ. 'Cause when you have to think about the emotions that you're going to feel, which people don't want to sit with. I never want to sit with how I feel. And then because I love them, how is this gonna make me feel? So it's easy to just say or fall off or do whatever, knowing that you have like a problem. And Chloe's actually talking to herself right now. So, I might need to go send a little mess make a little phone call or something. Elijah Jay: that kinda brings me to like, you know, you never you really truly don't understand what's going on in somebody's head until they bring it to the forefront. so it's just like, do you feel like jealousy is normal in friendships? Chloe: Yes, 'cause jealousy is a human trait. And I hate that society walks around making it making it such a big deal, like, you shouldn't be jealous. We are human. There Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloe: are things that are going to make you uncomfortable that you are going to be jealous about. Now, should you harp on that jealousy? Of course not. But I think when you first start feeling jealous of something of someone that's when you go in and you sit with something you ask yourself why but to start feeling jealous and to immediately like try to shake it off I think that's the dumbest thing you can do. Like sit that okay I'm jealous. I'm human. So I got a little jealousy going on but just don't sit in it. So I think it's Elijah Jay: Right. Chloe: normal it happens. Yeah. Elijah Jay: And you're saying you're not you're not a bad friend for being jealous of your friend. Chloe: Now hold on. Let's let's Dae: How did you get that? Chloe: let's not get in and I think maybe when Dae: Yeah. Chloe: I thought about jealous, I didn't think of being jealous of them. I thought of like maybe feeling a way like and I'm no, not even that. Dae: Like this being good to them. No. Chloe: I think my jealousy and friendship comes from, and this is me revealing all of my character flaws. I kind of don't like sometimes when my friends got other friends. But Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: But in the sense of like I want you Dae: 'Cause who is she and how do we know her? Chloe: kind of like I want you to be safe. Like of course, like other friends that you've been knowing, like cool. But I know my friends and y'all Elijah Jay: When you make a new friend. Chloe: Yeah, like is she safe? Like is she cool? Like do we know her enough to hang out with her, to be with her? Because I feel like most of the time I'll be right and I'll be like, what happened to such and such? And then be like, girl, she did XYZ, told you. So I don't need no friends. Dae: Ha ha ha. Elijah Jay: Okay. Chloe: So jealous in like that Elijah Jay: So the Chloe: sense. Dae: Okay, that's good. Elijah Jay: that's a that's a interesting take, 'cause I feel like my immediate thought went to like the friend that's been the bridesmaid in everybody's wedding. Like you've you've seen all your Dae: let's go. Elijah Jay: friends get married, you've seen all your friends Chloe: Amen. Elijah Jay: find love, and you've been the bridesmaid or the maid of is it maid or matron? You know, whatever. But you've been you've been you've been that person in every Chloe: Both on Dae: But either No, it's May, if she's not married. Elijah Jay: if she's not married, yeah. So it's Chloe: Yeah, matron if she's married, yeah. Elijah Jay: So she's been the maid of honor, she's been the bet the bridesmaid, you know, and you haven't found your person. Like you you you've bought a dress, you've you've paid money to be in everybody else's wedding except your own, you you could get a little bit jealous. And that doesn't I feel like Chloe: Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Elijah Jay: yeah, like I don't feel like that makes you a bad person. But like you said, if you're harping on it, if that begins to affect y'all's relationship, if you are okay with or you're if you're a good friend because you're in a relationship. And then you become a bad friend because you're no longer in a relationship and your friend is in a relationship. Are you a good friend? Like, I think that's when jealousy Chloe: Absolutely not. Elijah Jay: becomes like a bad thing. I don't think being j because like you said, as humans, I feel like we naturally compare ourselves to others. And you're gonna do Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: that regardless if that's your friend or not. You're gonna naturally compare yourself to another human. It's it's then when you start to think more into it, like, that's my friend, that's when you're like, okay. I don't have a reason to be jealous. Let me choose not to be jealous. Let me choose to be proud. Let me choose to be happy. Let me encourage this person versus being like, Well, why her versus me or why Him versus me, you know? Chloe: And people like say that and and get into all that, but it's like baby, you're not ready to be no wife. Dae: Help God. Chloe: Like you actually are not equipped for what you're going to have to do as a wife. And people want things. You see something and you think you want it, baby. Dae: And you don't know. Chloe: One, you don't know what they had to do to get it. Good and bad. You don't know how many nights they had to cry, how many things Elijah Jay: That's good. Chloe: they had to sacrifice, how much obedience it took. And yeah, you want to be the bride. But and then I think about like and I hate to say it this way, but if you can't beat them, join them. Like it's so much easier to be my friend. Like it's just so much easier. Cause now my man might know somebody now that could be your husband. But here you go. You hate me because Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: Really. Chloe: ain't nobody proposed to you. What that gotta do with me. Dae: Nothing. I think like Elijah Jay: Truly. Dae: y'all said, I think it's about what you do with the jealousy. Because I'm one that like if the Lord is blessing my friends, like and even if I'm struggling, it's just like Chloe: he's in the neighborhood. Dae: that and even if I don't feel like he's in the neighborhood, it's like, Lord, help me be happy for Chloe. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Like, or help me be help me be happy for Elijah. And it's just like, I mean, you can go to Him for these things. Like Chloe said, it's a it we're human. It's it's definitely Chloe: It's in your heart posture. Yeah, it's truly in your heart posture. Dae: And I feel like some of the things that you aren't getting is because sometimes the Lord needs to see like how you're handling people around you getting that same thing. Chloe: thank you. Truly. Elijah Jay: You better talk. Not my job. Dae: Thank you. Mm-hmm. Chloe: Baby wanted it and don't know. Dae: Baby, you are signing up. Chloe: True 360 deal. Dae: Ha ha ha. Chloe: How do y'all feel about mixing for a group? Dae: Ooh, I don't I don't I've done it before. Chloe: that work out for you. Dae: because I'm someone I always want everybody to feel included. So I'm like, if you don't Chloe: Yeah. Dae: have nobody to hang out with, like come with us this weekend. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: I need to start looking at the character of those people. Like the friends that I have at home, y'all have been around in some capacity. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: And so I feel okay doing that. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: But like I can't just I can pray that the Lord brings some friends, but you just don't fit over here. That sounds crazy. You Chloe: Hmm. Dae: just don't. This probably isn't the best place for you. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Then I won't do it again. No, I'm just gonna hmm. Chloe: I don't really do too much mixing and matching. I don't Dae: Yeah. Chloe: yeah. I have. But not like not too much. And if I do, Dae: Yeah. Chloe: it's at a little birthday dinner thing, yeah. Cause Dae: Exactly. Mm-hmm. Chloe: Yeah. And I think it's also safe to say, and I know people don't like to say that, say this because they say you should be your authentic self in every setting with everybody. And not saying that we aren't or that people aren't, but there are just different sides of you that comes out in different places in different settings. Like the friends that I have at work were friends because we work together. Like they know Chloe as the professional. the friends I have at church, y'all n y'all know me because we go to the same church and that doesn't negate that these are my friends. We all just Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: know each other at a different capacity. And I think that's a hard Elijah Jay: That's good. Dae: Nesca. Chloe: pill for people to swallow because who Chloe is at work and who she is at church. Not saying that she's not Chloe is just two versions of her. Dae: That's good. Elijah Elijah Jay: That's good. Dae: Jen. Elijah Jay: I would say as someone who again likes to host things, likes to bring people together, likes to be the life of the party. I have fallen short at like trying to mix friend groups. Like I've seen where I've brought somebody around and I'm like, Yeah, you can never ever, ever, ever, ever. Like I have to Dae: You can't come back over here. Don't care how the Wi-Fi jump. Chloe: Ebba. Elijah Jay: like you're that type of person where I have to go to brunch with you. We do our own thing. And if I'm hosting game night, I'm sorry. You will never know about it. You actually have to be blocked off Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: the story so that I don't have to explain to Chloe: Well. Elijah Jay: you why you can like I just feel like certain people don't mix well. And then I feel like there's certain occasions. I feel like Chloe: That's good. Elijah Jay: a wedding, something monumental, something that's of significance. Yes. Blend your friend groups and blend in a way because those people know at that moment. I'm not going to do anything to embarrass you or make you feel bad or to distract from your moment. Like I'm not gonna cause Chloe: Mm. Elijah Jay: problems. I'm not gonna do anything because this is your moment. This is your wedding. This is your special day. This is your graduation. Whatever that big significant moment is, I'm not gonna do whatever it is to distract from this moment. And I feel like anything outside of that, no. if you and your friends feel like y'all need to broaden the friend group, y'all need to expand the friend group, go meet more friends together. Don't try to bring in Dae: Mm-hmm. That's good. Elijah Jay: your friend group, that other friend group. No, it it doesn't work. And I'm telling you from experience, like it's just and then it also it it it does put a strain on your personal relationship with that person because it's like I can no longer invite you to these settings. I can no longer, you know, now I'm having to figure out how to hang out with you and also hang out with these people because I I know for a fact I can't bring you around these people. sometimes you just can't. And like like Chloe said, that just comes back to like if I met you at church and I met you at the club, not saying y'all are two different people or one person's bad, one person's good, but Chloe: Right. Elijah Jay: how can I comfortably make you all comfortable, enjoy myself at the same time, and watch what's going on. I I it's a lot. Dae: Yeah, I think another thing for me is like I like to host like my friends, but I don't wanna like feel like I need to merge a conversation between two people. Chloe: Yeah, and that it that's a lot of work when you got two Dae: It's Chloe: totally different kind of friends which you gotta make sure you I'm I'm talking to her and I'm talking to her and nobody feels left out and tired. Like I'm exhausted Dae: Brunch was actually a shift. Elijah Jay: And then you had you Chloe: like Elijah Jay: honestly have your friends that are like, I don't want you to have other friends. Who is this? Where did you meet them at? Did you know them longer than me? Like it's just you just you Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: you truly have to know who you're around and what type of people you're you're dealing with. I'm not saying it's it's impossible. It's definitely possible, but are you willing to put in that work? It's definitely gonna take it take some work. Chloe: I feel like that brings me to another question. I feel like we've talked about the friends that we do have. What about the friends that we don't have anymore? Do y'all feel like there's a relationship or friendship that you miss? Dae: Me personally No. Chloe: Me and I Dae: Me personally no because if you left, you left for a reason. Whether you couldn't go where I was going or I couldn't go where you were going. Chloe: Mm, that's good. That's a good point. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: Cause people, people always say they couldn't they got left behind and we not friends and we not together no more 'cause they couldn't go where I was going. But sometimes you are not equipped to go where they were going. Dae: It's so true. And I think it's just like I don't know, I feel like God is so intentional that if I'm meant to have those people, if we're meant to be in each other's life, it'll come up. It will come up again. So me personally, like sometimes I'm like I'll look back on memories and I'm like, that was fun when I did with this person, or like we Chloe: Yeah. Dae: had a good time doing this together, or I remember I went here with so and so, so and so. And it's like us not being friends anymore doesn't change the things we did together. Chloe: Yeah. I would say for me, there is a friendship that I do miss. And it's so crazy because I've been thinking about this person a lot lately. And just like three or four days ago, like we were both given and not knowing because we don't talk to each other anymore, but given the same opportunity to be in the same place together and kind of like work together on some things again. my God, I don't know what that means, but to know that like I miss them and I've been thinking about them and wow. Shout out shout out my homegirl. I do I do miss her. Dae: Myor. Chloe: Ha ha Dae: He's gonna say something, please. Chloe: He's gonna actually go insane. Elijah Jay: No, I was holding it back. I was swallowing it. But I was gonna say no. Like you lost me, you lost me. Like, I don't have nothing for you. Chloe: That's a good point, 'cause do y'all believe in repair? Dae: Hmm. I do believe that the Lord is a restorer of all things. Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: But he himself, he himself Dae: Now me Elijah Jay: is gonna have to come down here and say, Hey, you gotta talk to you Dae: sit on the foot of my bed and slap me on my neck with that sandal. I just I think and this is prideful, I'm aware. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: My trust for you will never be the same. Chloe: Mm. It actually never r will return. Dae: I just and I don't feel like I can be friends with someone I don't trust. And so that there is the barrier. Elijah Jay: That's good. Chloe: I don't I don't believe in repair at all. Like in no family, friendship, Dae: Yeah. Chloe: non platonic relationship because I feel like I know who I am when it comes to like any type of relationships. So why in the hell would I give you that kind of access to me again? I actually I actually want you to know no parts of me. Like you will never in your life ever get to breathe in the same space as me. Like I would be foolish. Like no. Like no, absolutely not. And the Bible does say to forgive. But he didn't say forgive and link back up. Elijah Jay: Well I feel like you can you can forgive and not come back together. Yeah. Chloe: Yeah. Forgiveness does not mean restoration. Like I love you from over here. Elijah Jay: Love you with all my heart. Chloe: well. I'm still working on the with all my Dae: Yeah. Chloe: heart. Elijah Jay: Can you trust someone who gossips to you? Chloe: No, I have a friend who gossips to me real bad and I tell them nothing. 'Cause you tell everybody else this thing that you'll never get the chance. I live like that's I love you. And you know, but no. Dae: Yeah. I think if you're gossiping, no. If you're venting, okay. I g like I'll be a listening ear. Elijah Jay: How do you tell the difference? Dae: Gossiping is like you just you truly I can you don't like this person. Venting is more like I'm frustrated, like I don't know what to do. I can't tell you what to do, but I'm like I'm here to listen. Get it off your chest. Don't let it kill ya. yeah, so not gossip. Elijah Jay: That's good. I agree though. I feel like, yeah, you're talking about them eventually. I'll make you mad enough to where you can talk about me. Yeah, and everything I got going on. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: I won't tell you what kind of s color socks I got off. Chloe: Truly. told somebody something and it wasn't even like something deep. I just wanted to see like if it would, you know, like spread. So I forgot what I said. And then like a month later somebody was like, Chloe, I didn't know da da And I had only told this one person this. And I was like, Elijah Jay: Hmm. Chloe: How you know that? Then they got to line. So now I gotta cut both of y'all off. Dae: What's an underrated quality? In a frame. Elijah Jay: I feel like a f underrated. I can appreciate a friend who knows when to just listen. Because I feel like as a human you're quick to hear something and we like to solve things. We like to immediately give advice. We like to immediately think about what we would do in the situation. And sometimes people honestly just want you to listen. Dae: That's good. I think that's a quality I definitely had to work on. Shout out Chloe. Because sometimes I just I don't need you to have a solution. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: You just need to listen. And I don't know, I I never wanna see y'all like hurting or like in pain or like, you know, like Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: And that was I was I was just about to say those Dae: struggling. So I'm like, let's find something. Quick, what can we do? Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: those people who are quick to give advice or those that want to like try to help you come up with a solution, those are the ones with the biggest hearts. They it comes out of a good place, but you know, sometimes you can't accept or you're not able to receive that. Like you're just truly in a like you have to get it out before you're able to take something in. Like I can't take what you're giving in because I'm full. Like I'm I I gotta get this out. Like there's nowhere Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: for what you're trying to r give to me, there's nowhere for it to go. Like I can't so and I feel like that's Dae: That's good. Elijah Jay: where the the conflict comes into play, like where it it clashes. Dae: That's good. Chloe: And I hope and I feel people have told me, but like I'm quick to tell somebody I didn't ask you for that. Like your unsolicited opinion. Like I because I actually don't care about Dae: I think that's good. Chloe: what you think. Like I'm really just sitting here talking. I don't care about what you think, what you would do, how you would have done it different. Like shut up, please. Dae: no. Chloe: And let me talk. I I'm not ooh. say I'm not solution oriented, but I've actually already talked to God about it. So what I say and what you say don't matter. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: and people just be wanting I don't give nobody my advice, they don't ask. I truly am just there to listen. that that that underrated quality for me though would probably be the ability to be adaptable. And Elijah Jay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: I think that the older we get, the more our lives change. And to be able to you know, still stay true to the friendship, even though it doesn't look like what it looked like when we first met each other. Like even us, like we all live in three different states. And they're not neighboring. We do not we don't even live in ne parts of the country. Dae: I was gonna say three different parts. Elijah Jay: Actually you have to classify. Chloe: We truly live in three The Lord has been kind that it is the same time zone. But we we don't live Dae: Really. Chloe: in different parts of the country and we've known each other almost ten years. So our ability to adapt through different seasons has been good. You have to be adaptable. You have to be adaptable. Dae: I mean and there's been times when we leave when we lived in different countries. So I just Chloe: Different countries literally. Like you have to be adaptable. Yeah. Dae: That's good. I think an underrated quality for me is a friend that truly knows Jesus. I value being Chloe: Mm. that's good. Dae: able to like or like when sometimes I don't feel the best about my myself or where I am in life, friends that can always direct me to the word. So Chloe: Hmm. Well, sister, you are that to me. Shout out you in Exodus 14, 14. Dae: The Lord will Elijah Jay: So maybe. Dae: fight. That's so good. Y'all gonna read Exodus. Come back. Elijah Jay: It it's nothing like knowing someone who you can say like, Can you pray for me or can you pray with me? And you actually know that I know that you go before prayer like in your regular life, in your day to day. So I don't feel bad or I don't feel like if I say, Can you pray for me that you're not going to like you know, that's something that you do on the regular and I just want you to add me on your list. You know, like on your list of things that you're praying about day to day, keep it just Don't add me, put me at the top. Dae: What's that? Elijah Jay: Put me at the top, actually. Chloe: Really? I hope everybody listening and watching has like solid friends. You don't need that many. The Bible says when two or three are gathered. So if you got two or three, you'll you will be alright. I think that's another friendship where if like people got too many friends. Elijah Jay: Mm. how Chloe: 'Cause the f the friend the word friend is used so loosely. Elijah Jay: Are you actually Dae: Yeah. Elijah Jay: able to be a friend to all those people? Dae: I think you Chloe: Mm. Dae: have like I this people don't use the word associates. Elijah Jay: Or are you just showing up in different capacities? Chloe: Mm. Mm. Elijah Jay: Because it it it couldn't be as deep as, you know, you know, your friend A and B. That that friendship may be a little deeper. Y'all are able to do this, this and this. But then friend C could still be your friend, but y'all are those friends that, you know, go to the club. And just because y'all go to the club, she that that's your friend. Like she she gonna make sure she goes to the bathroom with you. She gonna make sure when you when you walk, she walking when Dae: That's a colour for me. Elijah Jay: When you doing your lap around the building, she doing your lap with you. Like, you know, like Chloe: You got to hit that laparam. You gotta Elijah Jay: You know, Chloe: hit that laparam. Yeah Elijah Jay: Yo look. Chloe: Alright y'all, we're in our segment of rapid fire. So at the end of every episode, we're gonna play a game. It won't always be rapid fire, but for today is rapid fire. So there's gonna be a question asked, and there are five questions, and you have five seconds. Each person has five seconds to answer that question. If you don't answer the question in five seconds, you Elijah Jay: I wanna do six. Chloe: are out. Five. Okay, so today I'm leading our game. First question is Elijah Jay: God, I'm scared. Dae: Me too, I'm gonna get nervous. Chloe: What's one thing I wish my friends knew? I wish my friends knew that I might be out because I don't know. I wish my friends knew that feel like they the my three and the possible kind of know everything. Dae: That's why I'm like, I that's a hard one. Elijah Jay: It's the first episode. We're gonna give each other some grace. Come on. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Come on. Elijah Jay: You got you got ten seconds. Chloe: I wish my friends knew that Miss them. Dae: that's good. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: I wish my friends knew that. I don't know. I truly I feel like y'all know that, but I truly value you guys. Chloe: The joy in being valued. Elijah Jay: Totally. That's good. Dae: I pray that it showed up. Elijah Jay: I wish that my friends knew that When I go on my sabbaticals, y'all are Chloe: Mm. Elijah Jay: still at the forefront. Like I love y'all. Y'all are still here. Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: Always call, always fix. That doesn't mean don't do that, you know? my god. Chloe: No, truly, y'all, for if y'all don't know what he's talking about, he does take about three months out of each year. And you know, he goes to do whatever he does. yes. They are consecutive. He he definitely plans and prioritizes himself. Dae: There's c they're consecutive. They are running three months. Chloe: but there has never been a time where I text you on your sabbatical and you didn't respond. So like it's just like he might not be as Dae: Take a few business days. Chloe: He's gonna respond. Yeah, Dae: For sure. Chloe: so for sure. Yeah. Elijah Jay: Thank you. I feel seen. I feel hurt. Dae: You are seeing. That's Yeah. Chloe: a friendship ended because A friendship ended because I think it was time. That that is the nicest it it ended because it was time. Yeah. Dae: That's good. a friendship ended because we grew apart. Elijah Jay: a friendship ended because There was no understanding. There was a misunderstanding. It is understanding. Chloe: Understand Elijah Jay: I thought we was home in that thing. Chloe: When we commune okay. that that that doubles. That's not just relationships on it. That's for friends too. All right, last Elijah Jay: Right. Chloe: question. The hardest thing about making friends as an adult is Dae: she can't take my insert. Chloe: Intentionality. Dae: I knew you were gonna take my answer. Chloe: Or being uncomfortable. It's hard to make a new friend. Dae: intentionality and like how genuine are you? Chloe: Mm. Can you be trusted? That's why when people be bringing all Dae: Really? Chloe: them new friends, baby, do we do the background up? Elijah Jay: That's good. Dae: Y'all know well I know you didn't watch Love Island, but Demetrius, you know when Trinity was like, Who Sydney? Chloe: Ha ha Elijah Jay: Truly. Trinity Deaths, my girl. Shout out to Trinity. You did your thing. Dae: Yeah, sorry to clip. Elijah Jay: I would say pride. Dae: Mm. Chloe: Do too. Elijah Jay: One word to answer, one word to answer. It's it's rap. It's rapid, it's rapid, Chloe: You're right, it is rapid fire, it's rapid fire. Elijah Jay: it's rapid. Catch me on the next episode. I think this was a good conversation. First episode, good. Chloe: It was good. Dae: please answer like some of our questions in the comments, like what do you answer? Elijah Jay: Yes, we want to hear from y'all truly. Like this is a conversation. Like, Chloe: Yeah, that's why we did this. Elijah Jay: not only do we want to speak, we want to hear y'all speak. You have a voice. Get up here, talk. Chloe: use it always Dae: Come on, you have a voice. Chloe: always use your voice don't let nobody take your voice away from you Elijah Jay: yeah. Chloe: speak loud Dae: I don't have a song for day. Chloe: speak proud chin up chest out Elijah Jay: And be a real friend. Be genuine. Chloe: Mm. Elijah Jay: Be real. Dae: And it's just Chloe: Be a real friend and allow yourself to have real friends. Because sometimes you could be a good friend Dae: That's good. Chloe: and don't have good friends. Dae: That's good. And allow people to be friends to you. That's good. That's good. That's good. Chloe: Mm. Elijah Jay: And I think something that Chloe said earlier was be like be adaptable. I feel like that's the one thing somebody could like that is very underrated. Like to be able to adapt to any situation because you could be a friend with somebody and they get pregnant tomorrow and everything changes. That was your friend that was able to go out to the club with you. She can't go out to the club with you no more. Be are you Dae: Now y'all must put that crib up. Mm-hmm. Decorate that nursery. Chloe: Yeah. Elijah Jay: Right. Are you gonna cut are you gonna cut her off 'cause she can't down the bottle of done Julio with you no more? I just like be adaptable, truly. Chloe: Right. Dae: That's okay. Chloe: be adaptable Dae: That's good. Chloe: to each of life's seasons. And also, also, I think it's okay to know that, or maybe just for me, y'all could throw y'all two cents in there. But life is seasonal. Temporary. Never forget that life is temporary. We're truly just stopping by. But Dae: Pass it by. Chloe: but life is seasonal and just because y'all aren't as There I say close are connected in one season does not mean that y'all aren't friends. so be adaptable. Elijah Jay: And I feel like one thing that we did not touch on as far as friendships that I wish we would have that we can do like on a later on episode is having friendships within a friendship. Like friendships within a group. Like I feel like, yeah, Chloe: Mm, group ships. Elijah Jay: like, you know, I feel like that can vi get very tricky for people. Dae: It works. It definitely works if you allow it to work. Elijah Jay: It goes back to what you said, intentionality. Chloe: Yeah. You have to be intentional. Yeah. Dae: Anything else anybody wanna add? Chloe: No, be a good friend. Make sure y'all tune in to the next episode. Tell your tell your friend that you love them. Send them this video and just say, hey friend, I love you. Happy for you. Dae: Thinking of you. Well tr truly. Or ask them how you can be a better friend. Chloe: That's a good question. Elijah Jay: Cause at that point you're taking accountability Dae: Yeah, that's the next. Elijah Jay: and you're getting at the forefront of the problem. You see that something's different. Chloe: How can I be a better friend? Dae: Or like how can I show up for you better in this season? What do you need? Ask them then. Chloe: Hmm. That's your homework. Them two questions. Dae: Thank y'all for tuning in to the first episode of Can I Speak? We hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you like, comment, subscribe. You can find this video on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and be sure to follow us all on social media and everywhere at Can I Speak Media. Chloe: We love y'all. Bye. Elijah Jay: Thank ya.