Latest / STOPTIME: Live in the Moment. / Turning Guilt into Energy: Strategies for Managing Unmet Commitments and Embracing Self-Compassion
Transcript
- 0:23Lisa Hopkins: Hey there, how much time have you spent lately feeling guilty for not doing something that you said you were going to do?
- 0:30Lisa Hopkins: Think about it.
- 0:31Lisa Hopkins: I'm going to ask again how much energy are you spending right now, or have you spent recently, giving yourself a hard time about not doing something that you said you were going to do?
- 0:48Lisa Hopkins: It could be clearing your inbox on your email.
- 0:53Lisa Hopkins: It could be writing the next chapter of your book.
- 0:57Lisa Hopkins: Maybe it's calling that friend that you haven't called in a long time, or giving yourself the self-care that you really want.
- 1:06Lisa Hopkins: How many of you are holding on to some guilt around not doing what you said you wanted to do?
- 1:12Lisa Hopkins: Well, if you're like me, then you're absolutely not alone.
- 1:18Lisa Hopkins: This happens all the time, and the key to breaking the cycle is to draw awareness around when it's happening in the moment, right?
- 1:32Lisa Hopkins: So how do you draw awareness around where you're spending energy?
- 1:39Lisa Hopkins: Well, first of all, we stop to listen, to listen to what is streaming in your head.
- 1:50Lisa Hopkins: Imagine that your brain is like I don't know Netflix, right, and that it's a streaming service streaming the programs running the same program over and over again.
- 2:01Lisa Hopkins: What is running in your mind that is draining you right now?
- 2:06Lisa Hopkins: How much energy are you spending, feeling badly about not doing something that you said you wanted to do?
- 2:19Lisa Hopkins: Well, first of all, guys, I want you to take this moment and take a deep breath in all guys, I want you to take this moment and take a deep breath in, hold it at the top and exhale with a sigh or whatever kind of sound you want and just let it go.
- 2:38Lisa Hopkins: Just let go.
- 2:39Lisa Hopkins: I want you to do that again and I want you to draw in great energy and breathe out any excess negative energy.
- 2:50Lisa Hopkins: All right, here we go, breathing in and just letting it go.
- 2:58Lisa Hopkins: So I'm going to ask you again what have you been holding on to that you'd like to let go of?
- 3:04Lisa Hopkins: What's something that you have not done that you said you wanted to do, that you'd like to let go of what's something that you have not done that you said you wanted to do, that you'd like to just acknowledge now that you haven't done and you're okay with that.
- 3:15Lisa Hopkins: I'd like you to identify that I'll share.
- 3:20Lisa Hopkins: I had a deadline I wanted to make and it was yesterday, and, as yesterday started nearing an end, I kept saying to myself no, no, I'll do it, I'll get there.
- 3:30Lisa Hopkins: I'll do it towards the end of the night and so on and so forth.
- 3:34Lisa Hopkins: And, like most things, things get in the way.
- 3:37Lisa Hopkins: And I had done it really consistently.
- 3:41Lisa Hopkins: It was a schedule I had set for myself and as time started to sort of you know end, towards the end of the day, I started to acknowledge and let go that I'm okay with not doing it.
- 3:55Lisa Hopkins: I'm okay with not doing it Because, you see, when I procrastinate or when I say that no, no, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it, I just increase the guilt factor, right?
- 4:09Lisa Hopkins: So it's important to get realistic and sometimes we just don't have the energy to do the thing that we do want to do and I wanted to do it, but I just didn't have the energy to do it.
- 4:22Lisa Hopkins: So I checked in with myself and I asked myself what are the limiting beliefs here I have about if I don't do it?
- 4:30Lisa Hopkins: And it's amazing, the stories that were streaming in my head and they were silly, they were fictional.
- 4:39Lisa Hopkins: I created this story that people are sitting around waiting for me to launch, when I said I was going to launch.
- 4:47Lisa Hopkins: And you know, because I've done it before and I always do it, but listen, sometimes and I'm modeling it here today.
- 4:57Lisa Hopkins: Sometimes it's important to give yourself grace without guilt.
- 5:02Lisa Hopkins: Grace without guilt, it's not an excuse, it's not a sort of weak acknowledgement of, oh, it's okay, I need it, I'm not feeling well or I'm tired, or okay, no, it's actually a high energy.
- 5:23Lisa Hopkins: You know what?
- 5:24Lisa Hopkins: I'm okay and I'm going to be okay, whether I do it or whether I don't.
- 5:30Lisa Hopkins: And the best way that I can take care of myself ergo have enough energy to either do it or enough energy to feel okay with not doing it is to ask myself why it's important to me.
- 5:47Lisa Hopkins: To ask myself why it's important to me and what's the worst case scenario?
- 5:57Lisa Hopkins: What stories do I have in my head that will simply not be truths?
- 6:08Lisa Hopkins: How much energy have you spent recently on something that you said you wanted to do but you didn't?
- 6:22Lisa Hopkins: If you were to decide with intention not to do it, you would save yourself so much energy.
- 6:25Lisa Hopkins: This is the cure to procrastination.
- 6:26Lisa Hopkins: Actually, right Is to check in and narrow that gap between no, I might do it, I might do it right.
- 6:36Lisa Hopkins: Where you fill it.
- 6:37Lisa Hopkins: Fill it with all these lies and all this guilt, because the more you don't do it, the more guilty you feel.
- 6:44Lisa Hopkins: You're not engaging in the life that you're doing and you're not engaging in anything.
- 6:49Lisa Hopkins: You're not doing the thing and you're also not engaging in whatever it is you're doing when you're not doing the thing.
- 6:56Lisa Hopkins: It's the definition of spiraling, of spinning, of getting stuck on the same episode over and over again.
- 7:07Lisa Hopkins: So when you find yourself stuck here, check in with yourself, get realistic and set a new intention, and that intention is up to you.
- 7:20Lisa Hopkins: The intention could be I'm not going to do it this evening, and I'm okay with that, and I'm going to focus on what I'm doing now and have more energy tomorrow, and then you've got to be okay with that.
- 7:34Lisa Hopkins: So you've got to really stay true to what you've decided and honor your decision.
- 7:41Lisa Hopkins: No guilt can live in there.
- 7:42Lisa Hopkins: Okay, now, if the guilt is going to consume you, well then the best thing to do is to say I'm going to get rid of my guilt Now.
- 7:52Lisa Hopkins: Getting rid of your guilt has suddenly become the goal rather than doing the thing.
- 7:57Lisa Hopkins: Isn't that ironic?
- 7:57Lisa Hopkins: So you might check in with yourself first and say what's more important doing the thing wholeheartedly and doing it well, or getting rid of the guilt?
- 8:07Lisa Hopkins: It's a good question to ask yourself.
- 8:11Lisa Hopkins: You're going to discover some things.
- 8:15Lisa Hopkins: When you ask these questions, you guys, the point is, at the end of the day, we all make choices.
- 8:23Lisa Hopkins: We all make choices, and when you push yourself, when you push yourself to do something, when you really don't feel energized to do it, and then you end up not doing it, well then you double the indemnity, right?
- 8:40Lisa Hopkins: I mean, it's torture.
- 8:41Lisa Hopkins: So check in with yourself.
- 8:44Lisa Hopkins: Don't waste any time creating new stories about I'll do it later, or make false promises about no, no, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it, and then spend the next day, when you haven't done it, feeling guilty and wasting more time.
- 9:02Lisa Hopkins: Get clear, make a decision.
- 9:04Lisa Hopkins: Get clear, make a decision.
- 9:11Lisa Hopkins: It's perfectly okay to decide not to do it in that moment and then move forward accordingly.
- 9:18Lisa Hopkins: It's so important, you guys, to live in the moment, and each moment is different.
- 9:22Lisa Hopkins: We are diverse beings with diversity of thought and diversity of energy, and once we learn how to tune into that and to figure out what frequency, what channel where we're resonating, that's when we become the most effective, that's when we become the most inspired.
- 9:47Lisa Hopkins: That's when we become the most inspired.
- 9:50Lisa Hopkins: That's when we become the most centered.
- 9:51Lisa Hopkins: So I didn't do the thing.
- 9:54Lisa Hopkins: I chose not to do the thing and I had a glorious evening.
- 9:57Lisa Hopkins: I had a glorious evening in spite of the fact that I did not meet my deadline.
- 10:04Lisa Hopkins: Meet my deadline and I'm okay with that, because out of that, once I let go of any guilt, so many possibilities turned up, including what I'm sharing with you right now.
- 10:18Lisa Hopkins: So, guys, give yourselves grace, set your intentions, reset your intentions.
- 10:27Lisa Hopkins: Do not hold yourself hostage by your intentions, and remember to live in the moment.
- 10:36Lisa Hopkins: I'm Lisa Hopkins.
- 10:38Lisa Hopkins: Stay safe and healthy.
- 10:41Lisa Hopkins: Everyone, thanks so much for listening.
- 10:43Lisa Hopkins: You got this.
- 10:44Lisa Hopkins: Let's go.