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Influence – Influencing Other People, Influencing Yourself · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've
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  got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
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  maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
• 0:16
  full potential. Are you living up to your potential? Are you
• 0:20
  frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
• 0:24
  seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
• 0:28
  level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:32
  If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission
• 0:37
  is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you
• 0:41
  how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're
• 0:45
  playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as
• 0:49
  most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned
• 0:53
  it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch
• 0:57
  what happens.
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  Welcome to think Be it the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
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  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's the
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  subject today, let's, let's talk about the idea of influence
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  influencing other people and influencing yourself. And so
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  how, how do you influence other people? If you had to summarize
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  how you influence other people? How do you do it?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Um, I do it by by showing, I lead by example.
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  You know, so I feel like I influence others by again, being
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  the example. And, you know, when I think with my team, let's say
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  in influencing them, you know, it's having them be part of the
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  solution, be part of the discussion, you know, and so for
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  me, really, it's about, you know, how I'm showing up. And
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  that's with everybody, I think about other, you know, leaders,
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  because if you were to ask me the definition of leadership, in
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  what if I were to define leadership in one word, it would
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  be influence. Yeah, you know, good, bad, or otherwise, you're
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  either going to be a terrible influence, you know, or you're
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  gonna be, you know, a great influence, you know, and then
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  all the little pieces in between, but I think, for me,
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  how I influence others is how I show up and being that role
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  model.
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  John Mitchell: Yeah, that's, that's very good. You know, I
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  tell you, from my standpoint, I see how impactful it is to
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  learn, like the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
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  And I see this idea of, of, you know, in the book, it talks
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  about the impact of saying a person's first name. And, and I
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  have, I have really over my life, tried to get people's
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  first names and say it in the conversation and, and I don't
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  remember, you may not remember this. But remember when we
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  interviewed Steve Sarkisian, the the head football coach at the
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  University of Texas, and throughout that interview, he'd
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  go, John, such and such, and they go, Kelly, this is what I
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  in his, you know, and he probably said each far names
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  three or four times, and you know, it it,
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  Kelly Hatfield: do you remember that? Oh, yeah, absolutely, I
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  do.
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  John Mitchell: And, and he is one of the best at doing it very
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  naturally, but I see the power of, of, you know, applying How
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  to win friends and influence people the idea of saying
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  people's names of smiling, of seeing things from their point
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  of view. And, and I know, that's what you really mean by showing
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  up like you want to show up, right?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Well, it's a part of it, but definitely not
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  all of it, you know, I think it's about it's this exchange of
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  energy, right? You ask people good, bad or otherwise, through
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  the energy you're bringing to a situation and how you're showing
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  up in a room, you know, and they're the little things that
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  you can do like saying somebody's name, like being
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  very, very present. We've talked about that before, to where when
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  you're locked in, you know, with somebody, and they feel like
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  you're the you know, you don't have your phone out, you're not
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  paying attention to it like they're important. And then
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  you're going to influence them differently than if you did have
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  your phone out. And they could tell that they're number three
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  on the priority on your list right now in what's in front of
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  you. So it's all of those little things, John, in the name being
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  one of them is huge. And you know, another really interesting
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  thing too, about the name is think about, if you're in a
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  crowded room, and you hear your name, you hear John often that
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  like in somebody else's conversation, you're going to
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  perk up like your brain. That's one of the things that it is
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  hardwired. To hear is your name. When is your own name? You know,
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  and so there's some chemicals that take place when you hear
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  your name, and wondering, and so that's a really powerful thing
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  for influence. Absolutely. But it's more than that, you know,
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  it's, like I mentioned mentioned earlier, it's, you know, it's
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  how it's the energy you're bringing into the room. And
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  that's one of the things I was it's like, be responsible for
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  the energy you bring into this room, because it absolutely
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  influences the outcomes.
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  John Mitchell: You know, I love your term. Energy Exchange.
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  That's, that's true. And, and I was watching the evening news, I
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  guess it's Friday, and they were talking about this, this, at
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  this school, this teacher had the idea of, of writing a note
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  and giving the note to a student and complimenting him this idea
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  of complimenting, and it was so powerful the emotion that came
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  from, you know, that exchange of of energy and that idea of
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  complementing each other. I mean, it was amazing. And the
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  other thing that that I was just talking to ginger about this a
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  few minutes ago, is, you know, we went out for dinner a week or
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  so ago. And everybody is just so nice. They're just just, you
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  know, people are smiling, and they're nice, and they're
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  thoughtful. And and, you know, we've lately been noticing just
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  how nice people are. And yeah, we talked about in this country,
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  how much division and how all the things that are wrong. You
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  know, there's a ton of things that are right there more
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  things, way more things that are right in this country. And, you
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  know, I just, I don't know, have you experienced this lately, or
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  noticed it lately? The people are just nice.
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  Kelly Hatfield: I think that, hey, this is whatever you look
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  for, you will find? Yeah. And so if you're looking and your, your
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  expectation is that people are going to be nice and positive,
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  and you're being nice and positive, goes back to what we
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  were just talking about, you're influencing that interaction,
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  you know, so you're more likely to have somebody be friendly
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  back to you, if you smile, there's those mirror neurons,
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  all of those things that are happening. But if I walk into a
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  room and expect that you're going to walk in and you know,
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  maybe you're walking into a room that, you know, maybe I don't
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  know what the case may be, but you have an expectation that
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  people are going to be unfriendly or that you don't
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  belong there or whatever, guess what, you'll find those people
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  again, it's that exchange of energy. So anyway, that's the
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  way I look at it. Whatever you look for, you're fine. There's
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  an asshole in every room.
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  John Mitchell: Right, right. Yeah, we're the law of
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  attraction. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'll tell
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  you the other thing about influencing other people. That's
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  interesting. So i i Over the last week or so I did, I think
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  three free podcasts. And just because they're fun, candidly.
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  And, and I want to I want to help people but peachy, I'm
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  doing it because they're mainly fun. And each one the hosts
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  after it said, you know, I'm really interested in this thing
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  could be it this 12 minute day technique. Can we can we talk
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  about it. So I've got, you know, the appointments this week to
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  talk to him. And I was thinking, I'm just going to ask him
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  questions, like, like you and I've talked about four this idea
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  of, of questions influence people not telling them, how
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  great think you'd be it is and all the science behind it, why a
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  lot works logically. If I want to help the people, I have to
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  ask them questions about their their life and get them thinking
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  about their life. And, but, but that's such a great lesson on
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  influences is it's all about the questions. Yes. Right.
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  Kelly Hatfield: Absolutely. It's that seeking first to understand
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  it's really hard to influence someone if you don't understand
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  where they're coming from, you know,
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  John Mitchell: right. Right. And you know, then the other side of
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  of influences is influencing yourself and you know, I'm just
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  sort of curious over your over your life I'm curious when you
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  look back what's been the the evolution of your maturity
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  relative to influencing your yourself like like start when
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  you were just a kid like 10 or 11 years old, maybe high school,
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  that was your level of maturity at that point. But But how how
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  to tell us about the journey of of to where you are The day and
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  and influencing yourself?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Boy, that's a big question. I wasn't writing
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  this one.
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  John Mitchell: You know what I know? It's such an easy
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  question, Kelly, come on,
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  Kelly Hatfield: you know, I can talk to you about looking that
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  far back. Right is tough for me, I can talk to you on probably
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  over the course of what's changed in the last 15 years.
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  Because for me, from like, 35, to 50, you know, which is where
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  I'm coming up on right now. So let's just say 20 years from 30,
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  to 50. You know, I think the way that I influence, there has been
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  one common thread, which, you know, we've talked about this a
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  little bit before, and some people may think that this is
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  morbid, and I think it probably just kind of depends on your
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  viewpoint of things. But mortality, motivation is
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  something for me, that really resonates with me, you know, I
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  experienced death early in my, you know, in my as part of my
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  childhood. And so, um, for me, I always was like, Well, if I
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  don't feel like it, I'm just lucky to be here. So it's like,
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  if this is a goal I have, then you know, and if I have like, so
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  for example, I've talked about this before one of my other
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  business partners, her dad is a quadriplegic, right, like he
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  would, he would do anything to be able to get up and go for a
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  run, you know what I mean? And so it's like, well, yeah, I need
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  to do this, you know, this is a goal of mine, but I need to do
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  it because I can, and I'm so lucky that I can, you know, and
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  so for me, that mortality motivation, or that motivation
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  of perspective that we've talked about in other episodes before,
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  is something that really motivates me, mortality,
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  motivation always has, but perspective has been one that's
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  over the course of the last 10 years. That really is something
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  that's been that is a real motivator for me,
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  John Mitchell: what do you mean perspectives,
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  Kelly Hatfield: I mean, I'm just like, I was talking to somebody
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  the other day, that was not the other day, a couple of months
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  ago. That is a high performance coach, and she was talking about
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  some of the challenges that she was having. And one of them was
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  that the city that she lived in, had been bombed. And I thought,
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  okay. You know, what I mean, like perspective, it's like, I
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  am so lucky to be a woman, you know, in it born in the United
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  States, in the time that I was born in, and in the, you know,
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  what I mean? And so, with all of this opportunity, and so like,
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  thinking, putting things in perspective, like that, and
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  like, I'm not being bombed right now, you know. So you know, what
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  I mean, it's, it's that, and that's on a grand scale. But I
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  mean, even just the thing that I mentioned about, you know, this
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  last week, going through another bout of COVID, it's like what
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  I've got, I'm so lucky, I have healthcare, you know, I mean, I
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  live in a, so it's like, okay, the perspective is 99.9% of the
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  time, I feel great, you know. And so this is just a reminder
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  for me, and to take care of myself, and to do all of the
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  things that maybe I don't feel like doing, but I know are
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  important, because they keep me healthy. You know what I mean?
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  So that's,
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  John Mitchell: that's a great point. And yeah, that's a great
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  segue to this little Instagram post, I want to play for the
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  audience. And this is a, like, very short, short video post and
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  the girls a most motivational speaker, or public speaker,
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  rather, and just listen to what she says about not wanting to
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  run and, and doing things that she doesn't want to do, and
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  doesn't feel like doing, but how she sort of intellectually deals
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  with it. So let's, let's hear what she has to say here.
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  Unknown: Run 10 miles, how do I feel about running 10 Miles
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  doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how I feel because it is
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  part of the plan. And my job is just to execute the plan, no
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  matter how I feel. How this relates to public speaking is
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  the fact that our feelings are never going to be fully
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  supportive all the time of helping us reach our goals.
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  There is so much procrastination, there's so many
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  negative feelings that are associated with public speaking.
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  So it can be really difficult to want to do it to feel motivated
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  to do it. So we need to come up with process and we need to come
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  up with a plan that we execute despite how we feel. So a way to
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  do this for public speaking, is to start thinking about small
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  opportunities where you can start scaling up your skill. Oh,
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  there's my waffles. So What I would suggest is, what is a
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  small thing that you can do once or twice a week right now,
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  that's going to help you get used to talking in front of
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  people. And even if it's filming reels twice a week and not
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  posting them, that's still a process, and that's still
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  building the skill. So don't wait for that motivation, I
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  don't feel particularly motivated to run, it's gonna
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  feel good at some point, skip feel bad at some points, but at
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  the end, it doesn't matter, I did it, and I'm gonna get my
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  goal that marathon in May.
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  John Mitchell: You know, that's a that's a great point, you're
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  not going to feel like doing a lot of things. Right?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Absolutely. You know, and I think too, you know,
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  one of the things having to do with motivation is just being
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  really connected to to that why, you know, like, the, the, the, I
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  forget the exactly the line, she says, but how I feel about it
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  doesn't matter. Because I know what the goal is, I know the
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  process that I need to follow. So how I feel about it, you
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  know, doesn't matter, I the emotions around it don't matter,
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  I need to just take the action.
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  John Mitchell: You know, I think that's the essence of the video
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  really, was that you're not going to feel like doing things
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  you need to do. I mean, you know, oftentimes, sometimes I
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  don't feel like exercising. So, you know, I My goal is to be fed
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  and trim and healthy. So doesn't matter, like she says, But I see
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  that influencing yourself is every bit if not more important
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  than influencing other people. So, but know that we're all in
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  the influence business, whether we want to be or not, so it'd be
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  a good idea to learn how to influence Right? Absolutely.
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  Okay, until next time, we'll see you.
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  Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had
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  your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an
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  email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So
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  email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or
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  John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life