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Overcoming Fear and Self Doubts: A Guide for Youth Pastors · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Kristen Lascola: Today we're talking about four ways that you can overcome fear and self-doubt as a youth pastor.
• 0:17
  Jeffrey Lascola: Welcome to the Ministry Coach podcast where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 0:24
  Jeffrey Lascola: If this is our first time meeting, my name is Jeff Lascola and this is.
• 0:29
  Kristen Lascola: Kristen Lascola.
• 0:30
  Jeffrey Lascola: In this episode, we're going to talk all about how do you overcome fear and self-doubt as a youth pastor.
• 0:36
  Kristen Lascola: I think that we've talked about how insecure pastors are before on this podcast.
• 0:42
  Kristen Lascola: Today we're going to dive back into that topic and give you four ways to overcome some of that doubt and that insecurity and that fear that goes along with being a youth pastor, being a leader, being in charge of something that has some weight to it.
• 0:58
  Kristen Lascola: I think some of us just sign up and say, yeah, I'll do it, but never really feel totally ready and totally equipped And we second guess ourselves constantly.
• 1:11
  Kristen Lascola: Guys, i've been in the game a long time and I still second guess myself, so that's probably never going to completely go away.
• 1:18
  Kristen Lascola: I think it's kind of normal to second guess yourself.
• 1:21
  Kristen Lascola: But today we're going to go through some things that might help you navigate those thoughts and maybe a healthier way and keep you in the game, because it's one thing to have those thoughts, but it's another thing to let those thoughts dictate what you do, like, oh, i'm not meant to do this, i'm going to go find another career or another con.
• 1:39
  Kristen Lascola: You know you can go to an unhealthy level with them, but everyone I think most people anyways are going to struggle with just that low level insecurity, probably for the entirety of their career.
• 1:52
  Kristen Lascola: So, make peace with it, welcome it, acknowledge it, don't try to like completely stiff arm.
• 1:59
  Kristen Lascola: It just know, yeah, it goes along with the territory of leadership for the most part.
• 2:03
  Kristen Lascola: So my number one way is this realize early on, if you can, that you are not the main character.
• 2:11
  Kristen Lascola: You're not the main character in your ministry.
• 2:14
  Kristen Lascola: And so I think a lot of times we put we center ourselves as, like, the face of the ministry And, yeah, i mean we could make some arguments of how, yeah, that is true, but I think we put a little bit too much emphasis on ourselves and our performance as a youth pastor and we obsess about our role as the main character when we all know deep down, of course, we're not the main character.
• 2:46
  Kristen Lascola: Jesus is the main character.
• 2:47
  Kristen Lascola: So if you stop obsessing about yourself and how, what light this ministry is showing you in, and start obsessing about the mission, i think it can take a lot of pressure off.
• 2:59
  Kristen Lascola: Because when you make yourself the ministry like meaning, like this is the Kristen show, when I want everyone to know how smart I am and how gifted of a speaker I am and how funny I am and how good I am at connecting with students and how creative with my ideas I am Well.
• 3:18
  Kristen Lascola: Here's the trouble with that is that when you're the main character of your ministry, every high you take as a compliment, like everything, it's like oh, i knew I could do it or oh, i am so funny.
• 3:30
  Kristen Lascola: Oh, they love me.
• 3:31
  Kristen Lascola: Oh, they love me because we're living our life in a little bit of a spotlight, and so it can kind of go to your head when things go well.
• 3:40
  Kristen Lascola: And then the bad side.
• 3:43
  Kristen Lascola: Well, that is a bad side, but the other bad side there's only two sides and they're both bad is that when things tank, when your numbers are low, when an event doesn't go well, when people don't show up, when no one responds to your alter call, when no one wants to sign up for your leadership team, whatever it is, you take it super personally and it becomes depressing.
• 4:05
  Kristen Lascola: And so you're in these one of two extremes constantly.
• 4:08
  Kristen Lascola: When you're the main character of your ministry and that it's all writing on you and your gifts and your talents and your abilities and your personality, your charisma, it's like too much for somebody, because your highs will only make you prideful and your lows will only make you depressed.
• 4:24
  Kristen Lascola: It's like you.
• 4:25
  Kristen Lascola: Where do you end in the ministry, begin?
• 4:27
  Kristen Lascola: It's like you.
• 4:28
  Kristen Lascola: You're basically putting yourself on a pedestal saying do you like it?
• 4:34
  Kristen Lascola: Do you like me?
• 4:35
  Kristen Lascola: Did I do it?
• 4:36
  Kristen Lascola: Did I do a good job?
• 4:37
  Kristen Lascola: But when we make Jesus the main character and we started obsessing about him instead of ourselves, we become very missionally minded.
• 4:45
  Kristen Lascola: And then how could we fail if we're trying to make someone else great, if we're trying to make Jesus's name known, if we're trying to make him accessible to students, if we're going to preach the gospel, and we start obsessing about that mission?
• 4:59
  Kristen Lascola: I think what it ends up doing is making us a lot less insecure because we're not the main focus of ourselves anymore.
• 5:09
  Kristen Lascola: You know, a really unhealthy place of leadership, especially pastoral leadership, is when you know you are drawing people to yourself and your personality rather than drawing them to Jesus.
• 5:21
  Kristen Lascola: Because no matter how good of a youth pastor you are, really kids grow up, you know, and so you're not going to have them forever.
• 5:29
  Kristen Lascola: Some will come back and be your leaders and serve with you and all that kind of stuff, but you know like you're, they're going to go eventually.
• 5:37
  Kristen Lascola: So point them to the one who will go with them forever, and that's Jesus.
• 5:40
  Kristen Lascola: What do you want them to know and remember about your youth ministry?
• 5:44
  Kristen Lascola: that you pointed them constantly to Jesus, jesus, jesus, jesus.
• 5:47
  Kristen Lascola: So if they don't like Jesus, i mean maybe they're not ready, maybe the soil of their heart is not ready to receive it, but we can't take it as, oh, they didn't like me.
• 5:56
  Kristen Lascola: And if you feel, if you have this constant nagging feeling like people are leaving, not liking you, you might be putting the focal point somewhere where it needs some adjustment.
• 6:09
  Kristen Lascola: So that's the first way And along with that, i've mentioned this book many times and I think that is probably evidence of how impactful it was in my life when I read this book, and again, we've mentioned it on a few other episodes.
• 6:26
  Kristen Lascola: But if you haven't read 200 pomegranates in an audience of one, it's the story of a temple craftsman.
• 6:33
  Kristen Lascola: His name was Hiram and he was working on the temple for Solomon and he did his best work 200 feet up in the air.
• 6:44
  Kristen Lascola: These intricate pomegranates and golden chains and flowers and things where they were not at eye level.
• 6:51
  Kristen Lascola: Nobody saw them.
• 6:52
  Kristen Lascola: And the whole point of the book is it's like this act of worship to God.
• 6:56
  Kristen Lascola: He did his best work where only the eyes of God could see it, because he was so confident of who he was working for.
• 7:04
  Kristen Lascola: It wasn't for Solomon, and the applause of man and like, oh my gosh, you're such a great, you know architect or whatever, but he did it for the Lord.
• 7:12
  Kristen Lascola: It was like his act of worship was the one that was in private.
• 7:15
  Kristen Lascola: And so I think over the years that same narrative keeps always coming, popping back in my head of like, who do I work for?
• 7:23
  Kristen Lascola: Students are fickle, like they're going to like it one day and then complain the next.
• 7:28
  Kristen Lascola: Parents are going to love you one minute and then the second you discipline their kid, they're going to talk bad about you And then you know your senior pastor, might you know your relationship could be up and down with that And like you know it's, so it's like it has to be.
• 7:44
  Kristen Lascola: We have to be clear on who our audience is, over and over and over and over again.
• 7:49
  Kristen Lascola: And it is Jesus.
• 7:51
  Kristen Lascola: We're working for him, we're missionally minded, we're not the main character So we can let ourselves off the hook.
• 7:57
  Kristen Lascola: Hey, it's this guy, point to him, point to him, point to him.
• 8:00
  Kristen Lascola: Eyes off you On to Jesus.
• 8:02
  Kristen Lascola: So number two find your people.
• 8:06
  Kristen Lascola: So I think one of the best ways I found to overcome my fear and self doubt as a youth pastor is definitely to find my people, so to figure out who I need on my team.
• 8:17
  Kristen Lascola: That like it sounds so silly, but that, like you, like, there's such a difference in coming to work and coming to youth group and serving alongside people who actually, like you, are loyal to you, are encouraging to you.
• 8:32
  Kristen Lascola: Because, seriously, i've had I could tell you a million stories of moments where my heart was on the floor, crushed into a million pieces, and all it took was one of my people, one of my leaders, like put their arm around me, like, hey, you're doing such a good job.
• 8:48
  Kristen Lascola: That was totally out of your control.
• 8:49
  Kristen Lascola: You did the best you could.
• 8:51
  Kristen Lascola: Like you know what do you need?
• 8:53
  Kristen Lascola: We're here for you, like I would be.
• 8:55
  Kristen Lascola: I feel like I am the youth pastor I am today Like.
• 8:58
  Kristen Lascola: My confidence is because I have a team behind me That is like my.
• 9:04
  Kristen Lascola: They're my biggest fans.
• 9:06
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah.
• 9:07
  Kristen Lascola: You know I didn't want to say it like that because it sounds so conceited like you're my fan, but they really are And it's and it goes both ways.
• 9:13
  Jeffrey Lascola: I was just going to say that it's mutual.
• 9:15
  Kristen Lascola: I'm their biggest fan and I would do anything for them, and so your ride or dies.
• 9:20
  Jeffrey Lascola: I don't know what that means, but everybody says it in that term.
• 9:23
  Kristen Lascola: I know.
• 9:24
  Jeffrey Lascola: Like we're either going to ride somewhere or we're going to die.
• 9:27
  Kristen Lascola: Like.
• 9:28
  Kristen Lascola: I don't know, i just always think of that Lady Gaga song.
• 9:31
  Kristen Lascola: I'm your biggest fan.
• 9:33
  Kristen Lascola: I'll follow you.
• 9:34
  Jeffrey Lascola: Oh.
• 9:36
  Kristen Lascola: Anyways, paparazzi.
• 9:38
  Jeffrey Lascola: I love that song.
• 9:39
  Kristen Lascola: But I think, yeah, it goes both ways, like it's so mutual, like I show them I'm your biggest fan, i love you, i'll do whatever it takes to help you succeed.
• 9:48
  Kristen Lascola: I'm gonna serve you, i'm going to be there for you in your time of need, and then it's crazy how that just comes back around naturally.
• 9:56
  Kristen Lascola: You know, i had this guy on my staff once.
• 10:00
  Kristen Lascola: He wasn't like close staff, he was just like distant staff, like kind of security and Second cousin staff.
• 10:08
  Kristen Lascola: Once removed Once removed, but he was upset with me about something you know pertaining to a game that he didn't like, and he took his kids out of our youth ministry, but he wanted to keep serving on security, that's weird.
• 10:23
  Kristen Lascola: I know And I was like kind of like okay, and then our senior campus pastor at the time, my direct report was sort of like no, and I'm like well, it's fine He goes.
• 10:34
  Kristen Lascola: No, he's not your fan, you don't want him there.
• 10:39
  Jeffrey Lascola: Like obviously this Doesn't support it.
• 10:41
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, he's like this hasn't been fully resolved, his kids aren't back.
• 10:45
  Kristen Lascola: So, no, i want you to have people on your team that are your fans, not that you know, kind of have one foot in, one foot out or whatever it might be, and I let him make the call on that.
• 10:59
  Kristen Lascola: But looking back on it, i thought that's a really interesting concept to say surround your, and now it sounds like just you want, yes, men around you, but not necessarily It's just a team has got to be solid And it's amazing what it does for the youth pastor to have somebody have a team around them.
• 11:16
  Kristen Lascola: That's just gonna rally, that's gonna encourage, that is gonna defend you to other people.
• 11:23
  Kristen Lascola: If something goes down of like hey, well, she did things by the book or no, you weren't there And this everything was kosher and there's nothing to hide.
• 11:32
  Kristen Lascola: Like you want people who are gonna constantly be speaking well of you, not a team full of contention, because that is gonna strip you of your confidence so fast, having to get in front of a group of people that don't really like you.
• 11:48
  Kristen Lascola: Now, if it's something you've done wrong and you need to kind of fix in men relationships, you know sometimes people don't like us for a reason.
• 11:54
  Kristen Lascola: We have to confront that honestly.
• 11:56
  Kristen Lascola: But you know, i just think finding your people will make such a difference, because sometimes, like I don't care what happened with the students that night, i had so much fun with the leaders and we're hanging out till 11 am or 11 pm Feels like 11 am that we've been there all day, you know, and music on, fun, eating, snacks, rehashing the night, and we just enjoy being together.
• 12:21
  Kristen Lascola: So it's like we could have the most discouraging night.
• 12:23
  Kristen Lascola: Students, misbehaved students were having drama.
• 12:26
  Kristen Lascola: I got a phone call from a parent.
• 12:28
  Kristen Lascola: You know the police show up or you know something dramatic happens.
• 12:32
  Kristen Lascola: But then at the end of the night I'm with my buddies and I'm like, eh, it's all gonna be okay you know.
• 12:37
  Jeffrey Lascola: Well, if you're that leader and you have you're going on the right path, you're steering the ship, everyone's rowing in the same direction, good things are gonna happen.
• 12:45
  Jeffrey Lascola: Obviously, you have to be steering them in the right direction, though.
• 12:48
  Jeffrey Lascola: That's key, that's number one.
• 12:50
  Jeffrey Lascola: But then having everyone buy into what the vision you have is And we've done an episode on how to cast, you know, vision for your ministry and things like that But if you have people that are rowing the opposite direction or putting an ore in the water to you know, steer you the wrong way, a divisive team is never going to succeed.
• 13:08
  Jeffrey Lascola: Like it just does not work that way.
• 13:10
  Jeffrey Lascola: And so, again, it's not saying you have to have all, yes, men, but you have to have people all bought into the same idea, like let's all go in the same direction together, and then that's huge.
• 13:20
  Jeffrey Lascola: That's where the health of your team is gonna grow And that's where your ministry overall, everything, is just gonna benefit from that.
• 13:28
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, and I think it comes down to them trusting you also of like I've had leaders.
• 13:32
  Kristen Lascola: Definitely they don't just follow me blindly, They'll like give me their suggestions, Like, hey, you know, at the end of the day I trust you, you're gonna make the call, But wouldn't it be easier if we just did A, B and C, And you know I'll always consider it?
• 13:48
  Kristen Lascola: Well, yeah, you know, I'm so glad you brought it up.
• 13:51
  Kristen Lascola: That actually is not gonna work because you didn't know about D, E and F over here, But keep the ideas coming, because it takes all of our heads to solve these problems.
• 14:01
  Kristen Lascola: And then sometimes they will say, well, no, because this, this and this work.
• 14:05
  Jeffrey Lascola: I'm like, yeah, i didn't think about that, you're right.
• 14:07
  Kristen Lascola: And so there has to be room for discussion and disagreement and input and all of that.
• 14:12
  Kristen Lascola: It's not like we're saying like where's your little army of like robots?
• 14:16
  Kristen Lascola: But it is so nice when, at the end of the day, there is just trust of like, hey, i will listen to you, but you know We're gonna keep going this way and for them to have enough chips in that bank to say yeah, sounds good and not be upset about it.
• 14:34
  Kristen Lascola: You know it gets really dicey when you have people on your team that are fending.
• 14:39
  Kristen Lascola: Not fending like vying, that's the word for your position.
• 14:45
  Kristen Lascola: And I think that's happened a couple of times where you have that Volunteer who they think they should be the youth pastor and they have some ideas and think you're dumb and think you know Like I would do it this way and I know better than you, and blah, blah.
• 15:00
  Jeffrey Lascola: Toxic they are.
• 15:01
  Jeffrey Lascola: Those people start getting in the ear of other volunteers or people at the ministry.
• 15:04
  Jeffrey Lascola: We're like I don't know why we're doing this.
• 15:06
  Jeffrey Lascola: We shouldn't be doing it this way.
• 15:07
  Jeffrey Lascola: It's better to do it this way.
• 15:09
  Kristen Lascola: It's like those people are just toxic to have around and then going back to our topic, that really puts themselves doubt in You as youth pastor, a full circle to what, why we started this topic in the first place of.
• 15:21
  Kristen Lascola: It is so important that you have the right people on your team, for your health too as a youth pastor, not just for your students, not just for that, but for you to have a team that constantly lifts you up and supports you through those really Horrible messages.
• 15:38
  Kristen Lascola: And you get off stage and you feel like such a loser and they're like, hey, it wasn't your best, but you know what, it's okay because you know one in ten You're gonna have some misses, like you've got to know that, like just people that can pick you up and speak some sense into you, that genuinely love and like you.
• 15:56
  Kristen Lascola: That is a game changer, alright.
• 15:58
  Kristen Lascola: So number three I think one way that you can really overcome self-doubt and this one might be a little counterintuitive it's to constantly ask for feedback and help and advice and just be an open book for that kind of stuff.
• 16:13
  Kristen Lascola: Because I Think when we have self-doubt we're very sensitive to judgment, but the judgment of others is often a lot gentler when we Aren't coming in like we know everything.
• 16:27
  Kristen Lascola: When we constantly are asking for feedback or help or Advice, people see us as a person who is teachable and humble and trying to improve.
• 16:38
  Kristen Lascola: You know, I do improve on our level human and I think people will not judge you as harshly and the expectations will not be as Intense, because I think it's just human nature.
• 16:54
  Kristen Lascola: When someone comes in like they know it all, you like, have them under a Microscope, you're like, let's see you fail.
• 17:01
  Kristen Lascola: You know, and you almost are rooting for them to fail because they're pompous and they, you know, have this edge in this air of like, i've got it, i don't need anyone's help, i'm a one-man show and nobody.
• 17:13
  Kristen Lascola: But when you kind of come in, like what do you guys think?
• 17:16
  Kristen Lascola: like the past story I work for right now is a hundred percent that he's.
• 17:20
  Kristen Lascola: I feel like he always knows the answer, but he still will ask like, oh, like, what would you do in this situation?
• 17:27
  Kristen Lascola: Or what do you think?
• 17:28
  Kristen Lascola: and it all of a sudden, like just makes you look at them in such a different light of so Approachable and so like oh Like, you're just one of us, even if you are some genius and you're hiding it.
• 17:40
  Kristen Lascola: But you know instead, of I'm a genius.
• 17:42
  Jeffrey Lascola: I've been hiding it for many years.
• 17:44
  Jeffrey Lascola: I.
• 17:46
  Kristen Lascola: Don't believe you fooled you guys.
• 17:47
  Kristen Lascola: Now that is the true genius that you can fool us into not thinking you're a genius.
• 17:54
  Kristen Lascola: How did you do it?
• 17:55
  Kristen Lascola: But you know what I mean.
• 17:57
  Kristen Lascola: Like I think it just brings this, this persona, to the table.
• 18:02
  Kristen Lascola: That's very like relatable and people treat you Gentler and their assessment of you, because our self doubt starts to creep in Sometimes because of people's judgment and expectations of us.
• 18:17
  Kristen Lascola: But if we can remain on that humble level that like, hey, you and I were right here, i can take feedback, i can take, you know, suggestions, i need help, i want to continue to learn and grow.
• 18:30
  Kristen Lascola: What do you have for me?
• 18:31
  Kristen Lascola: What would you do?
• 18:32
  Kristen Lascola: Well, what's your suggestion?
• 18:33
  Kristen Lascola: and kind of sharing that leadership in a way It's it's again sort of counterintuitive.
• 18:39
  Kristen Lascola: But the more you just hold on to that title Over time what that does is it just creates this Like little impenetrable, what do you call it?
• 18:52
  Kristen Lascola: force field around you that nobody can get to, and and then people will just Automatically judge you harsher.
• 18:58
  Kristen Lascola: If you want Gentler judgment and if you want people to be kinder in their assessment of you, then keep it humble, keep asking, keep questioning, keep Including people in decision-making, stay as humble and inclusive in your leadership as possible and people will definitely like You'll just be so much more favorably viewed in their mind.
• 19:25
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, they're not gonna be looking and waiting for you to make a mistake.
• 19:28
  Kristen Lascola: They're gonna encourage and cheer you on.
• 19:31
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah, there's a couple things I think to watch out for with with.
• 19:35
  Jeffrey Lascola: That is number one.
• 19:36
  Jeffrey Lascola: When you're inviting feedback, then your skin better thicken up really quick because you're gonna get it and it may not be as harsh, but you may not have gotten it at all Otherwise.
• 19:48
  Jeffrey Lascola: And now it is coming and you're gonna have those people that are probably gonna be like, well, i've got a novel worth of, you know, information that I'm gonna pour at you, because They're just those type of people that have a problem with everything, that are always looking for everything that's wrong.
• 20:02
  Jeffrey Lascola: You know, yeah, we all know those people.
• 20:04
  Jeffrey Lascola: The problem sometimes that can happen with them is Okay, you get their feedback.
• 20:10
  Jeffrey Lascola: If you don't, then take some of their suggestions, because their, their ideas might be horrible, their suggestions might be completely stupid, yeah, and if you don't take them at all, it might cause a little bit of a Further, like you know, increase the tension maybe between yeah, I think it's a fine line.
• 20:27
  Jeffrey Lascola: I think you have to walk.
• 20:28
  Jeffrey Lascola: If especially if it's if you know those are the type of people, or that one person is gonna be like that, and so I don't know if I would necessarily know how to navigate that I'm sure you would a lot better because you're so smart.
• 20:40
  Jeffrey Lascola: But like and I'm not even hiding it, this is, this is full on display genius, not covert genius like me, no, but that I think that's the thing that I would in an episode about fear and self-doubt.
• 20:54
  Jeffrey Lascola: That's what I would be afraid of.
• 20:56
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:57
  Kristen Lascola: I think that is definitely a risk, but I feel like it's always in kind of how you frame it, like you can include people, not just like saying tell me everything that's wrong with this ministry, but if you pick something specific and say how do you think I'm doing this?
• 21:15
  Kristen Lascola: How do you think that game could have gone better?
• 21:17
  Kristen Lascola: Like to me, just something was disjointed Like what would you have done differently?
• 21:22
  Kristen Lascola: Like what could we write in for next time?
• 21:23
  Kristen Lascola: That's very low risk, you're not saying like tell me why I'm, tell me the top three things I do that are annoying.
• 21:30
  Kristen Lascola: It's like you do every single day.
• 21:36
  Jeffrey Lascola: So you wouldn't believe all that I hold back.
• 21:38
  Kristen Lascola: I don't want to know, But like asking something specific you know, like how would it like?
• 21:46
  Jeffrey Lascola: So maybe those people you just you go for the lower risk.
• 21:50
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, but it like like what did?
• 21:53
  Kristen Lascola: what did that?
• 21:54
  Kristen Lascola: was that video actually funny or was?
• 21:56
  Kristen Lascola: it just me.
• 21:57
  Kristen Lascola: Like were people laughing?
• 21:58
  Kristen Lascola: I couldn't tell, you know.
• 21:59
  Kristen Lascola: So you're not.
• 22:00
  Kristen Lascola: It's just these little subtleties of like including people in this process.
• 22:05
  Kristen Lascola: And the reason I brought this up is because I will never forget.
• 22:09
  Kristen Lascola: One year I was at Forest Home It's a camp kind of close to us And the main camp director of the middle school part they had played in this big obstacle course for everybody And we had just gone through it and him and his staff were kind of doing a little huddle And I was grabbing my stuff, getting ready to go to lunch or something, and he said hey, kristen, can we like grab you for a second?
• 22:33
  Kristen Lascola: Hey, what did you think of that obstacle course?
• 22:35
  Kristen Lascola: Like just as someone who was navigating it with their students?
• 22:39
  Kristen Lascola: do you think it was easy?
• 22:40
  Kristen Lascola: Do you think it was too hard?
• 22:42
  Kristen Lascola: Do you think it was fun?
• 22:43
  Kristen Lascola: What parts went well?
• 22:44
  Kristen Lascola: And I was like I can't believe, nate, remember Nate.
• 22:49
  Kristen Lascola: I'm like I can't believe Nate's asking for my feedback And I.
• 22:53
  Kristen Lascola: he won a fan that day.
• 22:57
  Kristen Lascola: I don't know if he really cared what I had to say or not.
• 23:00
  Kristen Lascola: I think I said something like oh you know, the slip and slide wasn't slippery enough.
• 23:06
  Kristen Lascola: But, you know something very profound.
• 23:09
  Jeffrey Lascola: And you went down a couple notches in his mind.
• 23:12
  Jeffrey Lascola: Oh, this is a No, that makes sense, though, because you're elevating somebody else and that everybody likes to be elevated He included me in this conversation, of kind of this peak behind the curtain.
• 23:22
  Kristen Lascola: I was like, oh, I better have something to say.
• 23:25
  Kristen Lascola: And the slip and slide needed more soap.
• 23:27
  Kristen Lascola: It really did.
• 23:28
  Kristen Lascola: It wasn't very slippery.
• 23:29
  Kristen Lascola: I just pictured people like falling but everyone could just climb.
• 23:32
  Kristen Lascola: It was supposed to be.
• 23:33
  Kristen Lascola: You climbed up a hill that was a slip and slide.
• 23:36
  Kristen Lascola: It was too easy.
• 23:36
  Kristen Lascola: And we went to camp for a few more seasons after that And I just remember that was the moment where I'm like I'm your fan, So I always try to think of that, of like including people in this process that and inadvertently sort of does a number on yourself doubt because they all kind of lift you up And then for and finally keep on learning.
• 24:02
  Kristen Lascola: So the more skills that you have, the more confident you'll become.
• 24:06
  Kristen Lascola: And the biggest thing I've learned this year in regards to that because that's nothing new, that's not like a profound statement, but we'll hone that in a little bit so that you can kind of understand what I'm where my head's at for this year is saying yes to things that stretch you.
• 24:22
  Kristen Lascola: So I think there is like a confidence.
• 24:26
  Kristen Lascola: Like this year I did this huge project.
• 24:29
  Kristen Lascola: That was not necessarily for my ministry, it was for the church, where we like shut down church for the weekend and we, instead of attending church, did service projects out in the community.
• 24:42
  Kristen Lascola: Well, they asked me to be a project manager of one of the projects and it just happened to be the biggest one.
• 24:49
  Kristen Lascola: I didn't know that when I said yes, and if you would have told me, if they had explained to me what exactly I would have been doing, i would have said no way.
• 24:58
  Kristen Lascola: But I'm glad I didn't know because I was already committed and it stretched me to, i mean, lead on a whole new level that I've never had to lead before, tap into resources and skills that I never knew I had or could manage, and we pulled it off and it was completely successful.
• 25:17
  Kristen Lascola: And for me, at the end of all that we did that in April just to like sit back and go, whoa, my leadership grew so much, my confidence grew so much and my self doubt was squashed by that because I realized, when I say yes to the things that stretch me and I have to just like rally and make this thing happen and pull together every single resource I have and just go for it, at the end of those things you're like oh my gosh, i can do hard things, i can do difficult things, because sometimes, as youth passers maybe you haven't hit this point yet if you're newer, but we can get in a little bit of a routine, like sometimes when I make my yearly calendar, i'm like so I'm doing the same stuff all over again And it's old for me, it's new for students.
• 26:05
  Kristen Lascola: So, I try not to be like jaded, like oh, this is so old, because I'm like these are my tried and true, they love them.
• 26:11
  Kristen Lascola: If it's not broken, don't fix it.
• 26:14
  Kristen Lascola: And just cause I'm in a rut of like, oh, we do the Glover Night, or every January, we do a winter camp every February, we do starving to serve every March, and for me it's just like this.
• 26:25
  Kristen Lascola: but they're like, oh my gosh, this is so cool because it's their first time or second time, whatever.
• 26:31
  Jeffrey Lascola: Or they had an older brother, sister who went through it and they're excited.
• 26:34
  Jeffrey Lascola: it's their turn now.
• 26:35
  Kristen Lascola: Yes, And so, like when we try to find things that stretch our they can be hard to find if you're in this like hamster wheel of we do the same thing all the time but trying to find areas where you can stretch yourself, step out in something that is really challenging to your teaching.
• 26:54
  Kristen Lascola: Maybe you've never taught at a camp and you wanna try to start off with a winter camp they're shorter and just do a few.
• 27:01
  Kristen Lascola: Speak at a retreat, speak at a different age group, that you're not used to, speak at a different demographic, that you're not used to go to a school and teach at their Christian club, i don't know.
• 27:12
  Kristen Lascola: Just something that makes you squirm a little bit and really have to rely on the Lord and really have to work hard and really have to just be stretched for that time.
• 27:23
  Kristen Lascola: I think that is another thing that builds self confidence, because you'd be amazed at what you can do And when you rely on God and the people that He brings to the table to help you, when you have that willing heart, it's really amazing.
• 27:37
  Kristen Lascola: And so I feel like I gain confidence every year because I've had to try and do something new And so now those things they're just not scary anymore.
• 27:47
  Kristen Lascola: Like the first time I had to like emcee the main service, it was like oh my gosh, but now I'm like for sure I'll do it, like I'm not even nervous at all.
• 27:57
  Kristen Lascola: I'm very self confident in that area.
• 28:00
  Kristen Lascola: Or will you teach communion for the adults who are doing communion on Saturday night?
• 28:06
  Kristen Lascola: Like yeah, i'll do that.
• 28:07
  Kristen Lascola: Like, and the things that were I used to be sweating and like oh my gosh, like thinking about for weeks and weeks and weeks before they happen now are no big deal And I love that because, that just means I have one more tool in my pocket of that confidence of I can do more than I thought I could, Because I said yes and I tried in an area that I was actually really afraid to do.
• 28:32
  Jeffrey Lascola: So And I think fear it's normal.
• 28:34
  Jeffrey Lascola: There's always gonna be that part of us that's either gonna have the fear or have the self doubt.
• 28:37
  Jeffrey Lascola: I heard a quote one time, i think it was I don't know if you know who Modern Millie is, i think it's attributed to her but she was talking about how she would deal a lot of times with anxiety specifically, and she got to a point where it was like she didn't want it to become crippling.
• 28:51
  Jeffrey Lascola: And I know a lot of us probably struggled with anxiety in one point in our life whether you know, it's something in our life that causes anxiety And she just finally started to say to herself kind of like I'm gonna do this.
• 29:04
  Jeffrey Lascola: So anxiety, fear.
• 29:06
  Jeffrey Lascola: You're just gonna have to come with me And this is what I'm doing.
• 29:09
  Jeffrey Lascola: So, instead of constantly fighting and trying to be, you know, distance yourself from it.
• 29:15
  Jeffrey Lascola: It's like this is what you know for youth pastors.
• 29:17
  Jeffrey Lascola: It's like this is what God and I are going to be doing Fear, anxiety.
• 29:21
  Jeffrey Lascola: You're either gonna have to go away or come with us, because this is the direction we're going.
• 29:25
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, i was.
• 29:26
  Kristen Lascola: That's funny, you bring that up because it is.
• 29:28
  Kristen Lascola: I wonder if my friend got it from her.
• 29:31
  Jeffrey Lascola: That might not even be the right attribution.
• 29:34
  Kristen Lascola: Well, we were on an airplane long flight, so we had a lot to talk about, and she said that she was working through some anxiety stuff.
• 29:40
  Kristen Lascola: In it, the quote that for her was like I knew you'd show up, Like as soon as your anxiety comes.
• 29:48
  Kristen Lascola: Like ah, i knew you'd come.
• 29:49
  Kristen Lascola: I knew you'd be here, i knew you'd show up Like just that, almost expectant, like, yep, part of the deal, part of the you know whatever, and just like yeah, like, instead of trying to tell it like, go away, don't be a part of the process, it's like how can I continue to put one foot in front of the other, even wearing this heavy coat of anxiety or whatever it is, it's like well, we're just gonna keep going And you know, obviously that's not gonna be forever.
• 30:18
  Kristen Lascola: You're going to reach an end to this project or this message or this thing that you're doing, and there'll be that let down of like who we did it, you know, but yeah, like it just might be a part of the landscape of the project for a while, and I guess we just have to be okay with it, right, it's not gonna kill us.
• 30:40
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah, and if you want to go a little bit further episode we did a while back.
• 30:43
  Jeffrey Lascola: It was titled How to Find Motivation During Frustration, or During Frustrating Times.
• 30:48
  Jeffrey Lascola: You might want to check that out.
• 30:49
  Jeffrey Lascola: We will link it in the show notes below.
• 30:52
  Jeffrey Lascola: Right now we're gonna do a question of the day and then a comment of the day And then we're gonna announce this week's winner for our giveaway.
• 31:00
  Jeffrey Lascola: This is week four of our giveaway, so that means this week and then next week is the last one, so make sure you guys get your entries in.
• 31:07
  Jeffrey Lascola: If you wanna know how to enter the contest, go ahead and check out the description below.
• 31:10
  Jeffrey Lascola: It'll tell you all the details.
• 31:11
  Jeffrey Lascola: So the question of the day is this is really gonna split culture in two.
• 31:18
  Jeffrey Lascola: When you wear a hat, should you wear it ears out or ears tucked in?
• 31:28
  Kristen Lascola: I am a tucked ear person but I think it depends on your head size, head shape, face, all that kind of stuff.
• 31:38
  Kristen Lascola: On me I look so dumb, I look like dopey if I leave my ears out of the hat, like they stick out, like this Like and I've seen people that do.
• 31:49
  Kristen Lascola: I'm like no, your ears are coming out like Dumbo or dopey.
• 31:53
  Kristen Lascola: You need to tuck those suckers in.
• 31:56
  Jeffrey Lascola: I have elfy ears.
• 31:57
  Kristen Lascola: But when you tuck yours in.
• 31:59
  Jeffrey Lascola: But if I tuck them in here.
• 32:00
  Jeffrey Lascola: For those of you who are listening on just the podcast, you're gonna need to go over to YouTube and see, because I feel like I look like a seal.
• 32:07
  Jeffrey Lascola: Like where did my ears go?
• 32:09
  Kristen Lascola: I think you look like a potato, or a potato.
• 32:14
  Jeffrey Lascola: I feel like I should be swimming in the Olympics right now with my head swim cap on.
• 32:19
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, i don't know, i'm not an ears tucked in person, maybe someone who's listening knows why some people can tuck their ears into their hat and some people can't.
• 32:28
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah, maybe it's just the head shape, the ear shape kind of thing, but we wanna know your response for that.
• 32:34
  Jeffrey Lascola: What is your preference?
• 32:35
  Jeffrey Lascola: Ears out or ears tucked in?
• 32:37
  Jeffrey Lascola: I'm just I mean, hey, you do you, but when I see someone with ears tucked in I feel like it was like I shouldn't say it, but I just think it looks like somebody, like a kid, who is wearing daddy's hat.
• 32:51
  Jeffrey Lascola: I feel like girls can wear their ears tucked in.
• 32:54
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, maybe it's like a gender thing.
• 32:55
  Kristen Lascola: I think I'm thinking more about it, guys.
• 32:56
  Kristen Lascola: Maybe girls are supposed to tuck their ears in and boys are supposed to wear their ears out.
• 32:59
  Kristen Lascola: Maybe this question really should be.
• 33:01
  Jeffrey Lascola: Should guys tuck their ears in or not?
• 33:02
  Jeffrey Lascola: Cause those are the ones that I noticed.
• 33:04
  Jeffrey Lascola: That makes me think I don't think you bought the right hat size maybe, and it's just too big and daddy's hat's fitting a little bit.
• 33:10
  Jeffrey Lascola: No, hey, do what you do.
• 33:13
  Jeffrey Lascola: Maybe the ears in people think I'm stupid, and probably rightfully so.
• 33:17
  Jeffrey Lascola: Okay, let's do a community comment of the day.
• 33:20
  Jeffrey Lascola: This comes from Mr Kyle Beard, who says great practical advice.
• 33:25
  Jeffrey Lascola: Love this podcast.
• 33:26
  Jeffrey Lascola: Super helpful and practical guidance on many ministry areas.
• 33:29
  Jeffrey Lascola: Also, the sound quality is really good.
• 33:33
  Kristen Lascola: Oh.
• 33:33
  Jeffrey Lascola: Thank you for noticing Kyle we appreciate it.
• 33:35
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, Jeff worked hard on getting the right mics and all that.
• 33:38
  Kristen Lascola: I think he lists them in the description.
• 33:40
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah, they're like $50 mics.
• 33:41
  Jeffrey Lascola: You should check them out.
• 33:43
  Kristen Lascola: Hey, that's bougie.
• 33:44
  Jeffrey Lascola: Yeah, whatever.
• 33:45
  Kristen Lascola: That's all we can afford right now $50?
• 33:48
  Kristen Lascola: .
• 33:49
  Jeffrey Lascola: No, but thank you, Kyle, We do appreciate that And beyond just the sound quality, the practical tips.
• 33:55
  Jeffrey Lascola: We strive to do that every week.
• 33:58
  Kristen Lascola: This is the announcement for the giveaway winner is what I'm trying to think of right now.
• 34:03
  Kristen Lascola: This is get ready, because this is right now.
• 34:07
  Jeffrey Lascola: It's gonna happen in three, two one, the winner for this week's dodgeball set giveaway is Josh Berry.
• 34:19
  Kristen Lascola: Josh Berry, we knew you could do it.
• 34:22
  Kristen Lascola: I can't.
• 34:23
  Jeffrey Lascola: Congratulations, Josh.
• 34:24
  Jeffrey Lascola: We will be sending you an email about how we can send the dodgeballs to you as soon as possible.
• 34:30
  Jeffrey Lascola: Here they come.
• 34:31
  Jeffrey Lascola: Thank you so much for entering our giveaway and congratulations on winning.
• 34:34
  Kristen Lascola: Where's Josh Berry from?
• 34:37
  Jeffrey Lascola: Oh, good question.
• 34:37
  Jeffrey Lascola: I think he is from Missouri, missouri, ozark Ozarks.
• 34:44
  Kristen Lascola: Ozark Is it.
• 34:45
  Jeffrey Lascola: Ozark or Ozarks.
• 34:46
  Jeffrey Lascola: The Ozarks, okay, but the show is Ozark.
• 34:50
  Kristen Lascola: Yeah, what is it?
• 34:52
  Kristen Lascola: What is it Ozark?
• 34:53
  Jeffrey Lascola: The mountain range, the water.
• 34:56
  Jeffrey Lascola: Josh, if you could respond.
• 35:00
  Kristen Lascola: We could Google it, but we'd rather have a response from you, josh Berry, from the Ozarks, from the local.
• 35:07
  Jeffrey Lascola: Well, thank you so much, Hey, and we appreciate you guys, all of you, watching and listening, and we will see you next time.
• 35:13
  Kristen Lascola: Today, we're talking about four ways that you can overcome fear and ex Ugh.
• 35:17
  Kristen Lascola: I'm so out.
• 35:18
  Kristen Lascola: Today, we're talking all about ha Ugh.
• 35:22
  Jeffrey Lascola: Today we're talking all about the bull holes in the ground.
• 35:28
  Kristen Lascola: One of the trickiest parts of camps to Do that.