Latest / Connect Call / EP01 – Held Hostage by Your Child’s Emotions: Seeking Solutions with Tootie and Brandon

Transcript

EP01 – Held Hostage by Your Child’s Emotions: Seeking Solutions with Tootie and Brandon · Connect Call

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Hannah Brett with Connect Call, just leave a message, and I'll get back to you soon as I can.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's one for more options.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Hannah.
• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got your number from our family therapist.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: The reason why I'm calling is, it's about my daughter.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's about 17, and how do I put it?
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: She won't come home at curfew, then she will come home, and she looks a little inebriated.
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have tried taking her to therapy.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have tried outpatient after school.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just she doesn't really want to go.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's been difficult.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: She also doesn't really want to go to school.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's even more difficult.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really don't know how to make her.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We should be looking at maybe residential treatment.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I just wouldn't, I don't even know how to get over there.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you could give me a call back and give me some suggestions, that would be great.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I look forward to hearing from you.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is Hannah Brett with Connect Call, where I often say I do not have a clinical background, but I have a PhD for picking up the phones for families in crisis.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know that's kind of a cheesy line, but I'm just going with it right now.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: But basically, you know, we did this podcast wanting to connect families
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell the stories really, the stories that I've heard over the years of real families in crisis and how I've been able to kind of connect the dots for them, finding the resources, the answers, the right providers, so they're not navigating these complex systems alone, right?
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So today, my story is, and it is one that I think a lot of people can relate to.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's about really a kid taking a family emotionally hostage.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I learned really early on in my career that there is this new type of parenting that's still out there.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think the generations before us, my generation, a lot of us were parented with some structure and strict rules and for some it was too much and it was a little too much of, you know,
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: basically structure and all that and they wanted to I guess what I've been reading is these parents today wanted to raise their kids in a different household where the kids had the voice and their opinions mattered and it kind of went into like overdrive or now it feels like when I speak to parents.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: parents are very, very, very conscious of not upsetting their children and not, you know, making sure their kids want to do everything and they don't punish them and that they, you know, that they, they want to, you know, go to things and they just basically don't want to go up against their
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that you're my best friend and I'm your best friend but I'm your mom first and that's just how it goes right and I remember a long time ago when I went to treatment you know as I tell a lot of people nobody ever really wants to go to treatment no adolescent young adult or adult is walking through that door but if it wasn't for my mom who said I don't
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to say, don't give a shit what you want, but you get it in the car and you're going, you know, we're cutting up the credit cards, you know, I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm your mom, not just how it goes.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't be here today, you know?
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: my guest today are two-year landry and branded Mitchell who I often call the blind side from the movie.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Their story is pretty amazing.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Two-year landry was from Mafia, Louisiana, back in the day, I guess you were teaching like DIY classes, right?
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And Brandon Mitchell was sitting in one of your classes.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the class, you know, he stayed back and you knew him just basically,
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: kind of gave him the riot act of like, what are you doing to your life?
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why are you here for the second time?
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you know, if you're ready to get your life in order and you want to live this life and live a life worth protecting, like, you know, give me a call.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so basically, I think that night he gave you a call and the rest was history.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so why I call you guys the blind side is, when I have called to the inbranding in the past, it's this beautiful combination of
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, these two people come in, and especially I love using you guys with young adult guys and adolescent boys because no one's going to run or go up against Brandon, although you are a teddy bear at heart.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And with girls too, but it just, um, I think together you guys are the dream team really.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the story I'm going to tell today is this really happened with us.
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: We had a young woman out of Atlanta who, um,
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I preface with the parents, as soon as they got on the phone, their voices were wobbling.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: They were scared, very scared of their daughter, and she was using substances for mental health was out of control, and they had tried doing IOP, they had tried doing therapy, they had tried doing everything.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: and everything wasn't working because she didn't want to go, right?
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't want to do it, or, you know, they tried giving her consequences, but they weren't really punishing her, and she was kind of controlling the show at home, and, um,
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: they were at their wits end because they knew their daughter was not thriving, right?
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they knew that she needed treatment, but their main concern was, you know, well, she needs to want to go and she needs to pick the program and we need to get her on the phone.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I always tell families, it's listen.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not, I'm not about, you know, snatching and grabbing your kids and kidnapping them, bullying them into this, you know, getting into treatment, but for a decision like this, for going into treatment, for picking a program, of course we want a client's buy, and of course we want the kid to kind of like, oh,
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, not hate the whole, but typically what happens is just kind of like picking a school.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: A kid doesn't have really much say on what school they're going to.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the same thing when we're talking about treatment, you know.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes especially these kids, you know, they don't know what's with that best for them.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we need to kind of get the buy-in and get the parents to not only sign up for and pick the
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: that whoever has the pesos has the pesos.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, basically that this is what's gonna happen or you know, you can't live under our same roof.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, these are the consequences.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you don't go, this you can't chill at the house, you know, you can't have the car, you can't have your phone.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And parents are so terrified to tell their kids this.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: They think they're gonna combust.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: They think they're gonna wild out.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And in this situation that we're about to talk about, I remember I called Brandon and Tudy because this young woman, they were just so scared of their daughter, so scared that I think when we finally got them on board with doing the intervention, when the intervention happened that day, the parents actually left that morning and weren't even there because they were so scared, right?
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, my first question to you guys, and thank you for being here on Connect Call.
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd love you guys.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: immensely, you know, when you're talking to parents, what do you need to do first to get them into a place where they effectively can deliver this message?
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, before we can even get to the intervention.
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I also tell families is we got to slow this train down, right?
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because it...
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's it's fine to like get them in, but once they're in, we got to make sure we're doing everything that we're delivering the same message that they know that, you know, they can't just leave, right?
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we got to slow this down to make sure the fan is ready to deliver that message.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what are some things you do when you're talking to the fans, you know, to get them into a place where they can effectively do that.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know one of the first things, man, as you know, is getting the parents to understand that, you know, you want your kid to change, but the first person, first people got to change as you, right guys, got to be willing to do something that we ask them you to do, you know, in order to change the course of your kids.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, we don't like one of the main things when two of your started was, you know, she was like, look, you're going to be willing to change with a bunch of money.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, because you're going to take you, you guys to change, you
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, first and the willingness to do those uncomfortable things, you know, in order to get your kid on back on track, you know, so it's really just getting those empowering those parents to change, you know, and become, be able to talk to the kid, you know, and, and the, and the health that we are, I'll be able to do the tough thing, you know, if you know, a bottom line of them, you know, to get to get the kids to get the kids to change that, that, that, that, that, that trajectory.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so yeah, that's one of the first days in power in the parent in the parent, the parent, the change, you know, so they can talk, talk to the kids and there's a lot of sounds, but it's like we go to talk to the kid, and the whole time the kid looking at the parent, and that parent, that they're scared, where that kid ain't going, but that parent, that's saying, yeah, we follow him whatever they say, and God, and God, they back, whatever they do, and we're willing to do this, we're willing to do whatever it takes, you know, and like to do it with, say, we go, you know, teaching the parent to say, you know what, I'm a love you more than you could be mad at me.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and I'm going to do whatever it takes, you know, because you can't see you.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we see what you're doing.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: We say you're distracted in yourself.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, that's one of the first things, you know, we do, you know, the interventionist propaganda parents as much as possible, you know, for this.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I got to say, I mean, it sounds really easy.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's funny, you know, when parents call me and as much as, you know, we say when kids go into treatment, I often look at, you know, when people ask how long treatment is going to be, it's kind of like learning in language, right?
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we're teaching these parents also, you know, it's not an overnight thing to suddenly all of a sudden we're going to talk to them and say, okay, you're going to deliver this message and you're going to finally
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the history of being with your child is we're now going to like, you know, drop the hammer, right?
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, and so it does take time to, you know, and so how long do you typically work with parents before that intervention takes place?
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, I'll answer that.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: That depends on the one who gets the first call, you know, with the parent.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it's more about getting, you know, like Brandon said background information and then asking the parents and you got changes much as a kid and right I don't know some a sicker than others so some of it takes maybe a week of me on the phone with them every day them calling asking more questions, but you know I want to comment on some I think you said Hannah about you know the kids want to pick where they go to treatment and their therapist and blah blah blah blah.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, that is so I tell the parents all the time.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to tell you what you need to hear.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is not going to be what you want to hear.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm getting ready to say it right now.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: If your child had cancer, would you let them pick the hospital and they go to it in non-college?
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: But you, would you?
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't see, but that's what this is.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think Brandon and I both, like he just said, I mean, we just talk, just really real to the parents.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: We just talk real.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is where you're at.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is, it's funny to mention that because, you know, I was dealing with a family, don't want to go off topic the other day, but I was talking to a dad that, you know, or a husband that I think it was trying to set you up with an intervention, but this family.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And every time he was texting me back, he was literally writing me what AI was saying, like he was going to his Chad GBT for this, and I'm going to have an episode on that.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: where there's a time and a place for AI and there's a time and a place for chat GPT.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if you wouldn't be going, you know, we wouldn't be going to chat GPT if you broke a leg, you wouldn't be going to chat GPT if you had cancer.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, and I don't, and it's only with mental health and addiction.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's so crazy, right?
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: To me, you know, your mental health,
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just as important as going to that cardiologist when telling you how not to have a heart attack, and to follow lead, and to basically follow every direction.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't understand why there is still this kind of feeling where people is like, I got this.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can do it my way.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a lot of times when you're talking to these parents and why they may pull out of this intervention process is how uncomfortable they are.
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're not ready.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: to, you know, and that's on them, like, what is it about them that they're so scared to, you know, confirm with that child?
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: That comes from their childhood.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's right.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: That comes from their parents.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it's trauma passed down, generational trauma.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's what we deal with.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: And the food dependency just screams from that.
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, these parents still co-dependent because they had trauma.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so what they're going to do, they're going to spoil their kids going to come outside ways.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: We don't have no boundaries, follow the kid, let the kid run the show, don't hurt their kids, don't hurt their kids, don't be their friend.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why could they run friends with their parents?
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because their parents grew up in the depression.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: They didn't have friends.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's all passed down.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think we do a really good...
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: really good explanation of that to families.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you can tell when the light goes off like, oh, I have a thought of it that way.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: And explain to them, what is going to take for your child to change?
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's what Brandon said, you got to change that much.
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if you're not ready, that's okay.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: Keep my number.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Come back when you're ready.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: The door price is still
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I worked with this mom once and she straight up told me, you know, in her childhood, her parents were really strict and they centered like these like military school train, you know, she had to go to this academy and she was, it was so strict that like she's now on the other a spectrum with her child.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as we were talking, literally these texts were coming in from her kid where he was mother,
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: all day long to his mom.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And my mouth was open.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: The way he was speaking to his mother, and it was like nothing.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like he was like, I'm going to this rave tonight.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: You better do do do do do do.
• 15:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he was calling her every name in the book.
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she didn't do anything.
• 15:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I literally was like, if I even looked at my mother the wrong way, you know, and I think, you know, we're doing a disservice to these kids.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we were just talking about this before when you guys got on the episode is nine times at a 10 when we have families like this where the kids are taking their families emotionally hostage.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: These kids are actually craving someone to come in to give them this structure or they're wanting, you know, this change because it's not working for them either, you know.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: So have you ever had a times when you're working with parents where you will recommend, and, and, and, and,
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is also, I also say to families, you know, when we talk about intervention, and I said this with another guest I had about interventions, the biggest misconception is that you think it's just about the client, but it's really the family intervention, right?
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's really like, unless we get you guys good, like, this isn't going to work, right?
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we have to really work with you prior during after all of that.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: But have you had situations where sometimes you've got to send a parent to treatment
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's in the kid to pass, I think it's a long way, we did, I know we seen when the parents went after the kid, because we wanted to keep it about the kid first.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right
• 16:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we knew dad was an alcoholic and we had talked to him about that's going to be problematic.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we told both you could only say you're going to get help.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: And at the intervention, the dad said, hey, son, I'm going to I'm going to treatment.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we were like, yes, and that went to treatment, the sun went to treatment.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: That was the only time I think at the intervention that that happened.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: save my number dad or mom when you're ready to go get help you call.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 17:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because this got back far, you got throw away your money.
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's really powerful.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I remember being in treatment and my mom was kind of saying to me, like, I can't ask you to do stuff that I'm not going to do myself, right?
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if I'm telling you to go to a meeting and ask for a number, tell you what, I'm going to go to a meeting tonight.
• 17:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to ask for a number.
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that really hit me, you know, because I think a lot of times we just think, you know, we're going to put our kid in treatment, we're going to get them fixed and we'll be good.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not like that.
• 17:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And also, I think, with the intervention, it's just, that's like half the battle, getting them through that door, then the phone starts to ring when they're in treatment, right?
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: The phone starts to ring, because
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: and I tell families this because they always cry and they're like why can't we take the house phone away or why are they being able to call us and I'm like no let them they're going to start calling you and you need to start practicing the messaging which is you know I'm sorry you're struggling right now but there's nothing I can do so I need you to talk to staff and people
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: on site that can really help you and I'm going to go to a meeting tonight and help myself and you know I hope you get a good night's sleep get something to eat and I love you bye because I remember when my mom started that narrative or that dialogue with me you know because I was always able to manipulate the situation with her you know when she started to um say I'm sorry you're suffering or I'm sorry you're struggling but there's nothing I can do I got
• 18:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: who's brainwashing this woman, like, what's what's happening to my mom, don't listen to them.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, he's going to treat him right now, but understand, you know, you guys got to hold the line for the next 14 to 16 months.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you got to be strong because for one, the kid came, come back at the same environment.
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so you guys got to, you know, through this time, you know, really change.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And really, and throughout those, you know, for 16 months, stop it, you know, pay attention to the kid because they realized me for the relapse because, you know, 14 months, but four months, people realized, now I must be relapse and like close with the 13, 14 months, and relapse again because they, they can change.
• 19:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's like, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
• 19:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you start changing that, you know, man, instead of we, man, I got this in the controls are talking like that.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, we kind of got to get parents like warning signals or, you know, when the kid possibly will realize it, they will realize it because we wait the way he starts talking and thinking that things under control, you know, there's a lot of preparation, you know, throughout that process of those of those 60 and months because, you know, it takes a long time, you know,
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: you know, you know, it took you a long time to get to this point, you know, so however long took you to get here as long as we'll take you to get out of it, you know, it's not expect change to happen right now.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, you know, so that's one of the things, you know, we really point to the parents of hey, look, this, he came, they came here with a clean slate, and all this stuff got on here, we're going to say, oh, I got on there, you know, but it got on there, and all of you, he was around the kids around with you guys at the beginning.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so,
• 20:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's gonna take some change, you know.
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 20:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think, you know, I always tell parents this too.
• 20:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, unfortunately, we do not graduate from mental or mental health situation or addiction, you know?
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: We just, we learn, you know, in life, you know, this is a lifelong battle.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So also what I'd like to talk about on this show is, you know, a lot of my families,
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: come to me and unfortunately it's like anything else in life, you know, if you have the resources, the resources are there, right?
• 21:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if you've got a family, right, who doesn't have the resources, who are maybe more insurance dependent, who maybe don't have the money to afford to hire a 2D in the Brandon, right?
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are some takeaways?
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like what are some things you can say to them on the phone that maybe some tidbits that they can take away with them
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: this a little differently without professional help if if that comes to it.
• 21:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so that depends, like if it's a family from Louisiana, we talked to them about getting Louisiana Medicaid insurance if they're eligible because it is a very good way for people to get treatment, we're a fortune, Louisiana if it's outside Louisiana.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then, you know, I'm not familiar with other states as far as they're state insurance.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I will tell them, ask him, hey, do you have a therapist or if you want to do?
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, if you can afford us to, you know, at some point, if that depends, I mean, like if it's a, if it's somebody that has to go inpatient, then I'll tell him, hey, look, y'all got to somehow get insurance because
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Treatment is expensive.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's not cheap.
• 22:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's some way you've got to find a way to get them health insurance and get a policy that has substance abuse benefits and make sure you check for that before and then like again, you know if they Zero insurance and zero money then sometimes I will say look, okay.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe depending on your child, their school talked to a child's guidance counselor, maybe they, in wherever y'all live, have some avenues for your child to get help.
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there's teen challenge that is out there.
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not really a fan of it, because you don't really have therapists, but if it's a safe place to that child in the land,
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: But are there some like, are there some like takeaways that you can say to the parents to change their messaging or hopefully, you know, in that hall, that they can look at the situation a little differently and approach it differently, that hopefully they'll do that.
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is there any that wand?
• 23:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: If I was that, if I had that genie bottle,
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: What would you use it?
• 23:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's no one thing I can tell them.
• 23:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Kids have processed today, right?
• 23:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like it's a process for me as an adult.
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: When I went to rehab, there was a process for me to give up.
• 23:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's one thing I can tell them.
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to tell them this.
• 23:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, no, I'd say these are things I would stop doing and these are things you need to start implementing.
• 23:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I can tell you, I'm dealing with a family right now for the last three years.
• 23:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Every time they come see me, they're going to do an intervention on their child.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Every time I tell him, yeah, but are you willing to do these things?
• 23:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't take the credit card to the, okay, come back in another year.
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's reconvene.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, why is it like, what is, what is everyone scared of?
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: He is trauma.
• 24:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: This man, this dad has never dealt with his trauma.
• 24:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: From his childhood.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I keep telling him your child will not get better.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Look, you keep making the most f-dub decisions, which no I can't do it yet.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: That answer, I mean, like, you failed the test.
• 24:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Again, come back in a year when you're ready.
• 24:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: And the meantime, his daughter is gonna get to the point where, no, there's not even an invention, there's no help.
• 24:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: I really believe at some point their brain gets so jacked up from drugs and this girl's on mess.
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, the longer you wait to get your kid help, the longer they have to be in treatment.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: How many times have Brandon and I said to each other, they should have called us three years ago.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 25:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: All right.
• 25:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, call this this.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, your your child's got to go for your treatment.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Three years ago, they probably had gone for 39 days.
• 25:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now it's a year.
• 25:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just about saving them, it's about saving the people they're interacting with, you know?
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just gonna continue to get worse.
• 25:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think, you know, I think parents take for granted how this process is, you know, it's a lot, it's as much as we are working to build,
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: have these kids change their whole coping skills and looking at life differently it's having them do parents do the same thing you know and I'll say this I had a case once a treatment where this young woman God bless her she was borderline and she would make like announced to the treatment center every time she was gonna run away and she did she ran away every time and every time she ran away she would call mom and dad and mom and dad right there to pick her up.
• 26:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: because God forbid their daughter was on the street, they couldn't handle it.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember we were working with this interventionist who they stayed on to do case management and stuff like that.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it was me, it was the clinical team, it was the interventionist we were begging these parents.
• 26:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: We said, just this one time, she is going to run and she did run.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're just asking you, just for today, just for today, tomorrow you can pick up the phone just for today.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do not pick up the phone.
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just let's see what happens.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember it was so hard for them not to pick up that phone.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: But guess what?
• 26:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: They didn't pick up the phone.
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now or later, she called the treatment center saying,
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are my parents okay?
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're not picking up the phone.
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, is everything okay?
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, they're fine.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're like, and she was like, well, I don't know what to do now.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they said, well, why don't you come back, you know?
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she came back.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it just, you know, it's these tiny shifts.
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be these major, major, you know, steps, these parents have to take.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just these tiny shifts.
• 27:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: These parents can take.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And with that, you'll see, like,
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: how things will just be different, you know, and so it's just, I'm just grateful to have providers like you guys on the front lines to help families and just to get the word out that, you know, this is a long process and a lot of times, you know, it's not about if the kid is ready, it's not about what the kid wants, you know, if I had picked my triggering center, I wouldn't
• 27:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: a mom and dad recently just call me and immediately put the kid on the phone with me and I'm like why are we doing this you know what I mean?
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's just getting these parents get your right to kind of look at their own trauma.
• 27:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: It cannot add something here.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's the same but I don't.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: you saying in this same file notes, you know, if an adult is going to treat me well the why for the husband or the family, I mean, but it does be part of change.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you wait too long, then that's even longer they have to stay in treatment.
• 28:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's people.
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 28:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Kids, for sure.
• 28:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we're talking about substances, I got to be honest with you, and I'll say it.
• 28:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said it to this dad who was contemplating like how he was going to change his messaging and he wasn't ready to do it.
• 28:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, sir, with all due respect, is this young woman, she was drinking every day?
• 28:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: She still got the car that you gave her and he said, yes.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I go, and she's got the keys to that car, right?
• 28:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, yes.
• 28:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I go so it's on you now that every time she gets in that car, she's putting everybody at risk.
• 28:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really, I think the main takeaway from this episode of anything is, you know, if you're going to call us also for recommendations and resources and for information, listen to us then, you know, I've never gone to a doctor's appointment to see a specialist.
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: and say, thank you for all that information.
• 29:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm now gonna do it my way, right?
• 29:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why do they do that with us?
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why?
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm saying to them, you called me.
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now you're still doing it your way.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, don't call it, don't, like, please.
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just grateful to have you guys on here.
• 29:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't get to mention this in the beginning, but Brandon Mitchell, you know,
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's amazing about you is, you know, you were one of the biggest defense lineman for the Patriots for many, many years, you know, and you had this career, and you would, you know, play football and do everything, and it shows that, you know, mental health and addiction does not discriminate, you know, and I love seeing men like you who have thrived and are doing this work because I still think, and that's a whole
• 30:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: young men and men and getting sober and working on their mental health and athletes.
• 30:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there's a whole, there's a whole thing in there where, you know, and that's like a whole other episode I might bring you back on for Brandon is just, you know, how many kids that are struggling even in sports?
• 30:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know that we're seeing in college sports and no one's really dealing with it because there's such a stigma, you know.
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've two young adult men right now who don't want to get on the phone with me because they're not going to take a pill because they don't want to, you know, they want to be strong.
• 30:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're, you know, they don't need medicine.
• 30:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're good, you know.
• 30:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so that's what I've loved working with you is just like you are such a to me an example of
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you're just, you're just, you're just, you're the man, man, you know, I get a really good coach, man.
• 30:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it really good coach.
• 30:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I tell you, you know, I told everyone that my first matter is like, hey, look, you know, people understand, I've been coaches.
• 31:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was in seven years old, you know, the people were afraid that approaches sometimes.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: But now I say, too, man, one thing about that in the course, I'm like, look, I don't understand how to be sober.
• 31:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how to understand what to do.
• 31:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I know one thing I know how to do is be coachable.
• 31:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so you just coach me and tell me what to do, and I'm like, I'm a game I best, you know, period.
• 31:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's coaching me up on a game of life, coaching me up on how to be sober, coaching me up on what I want to do.
• 31:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Give me a hand, planer.
• 31:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because that's one of the things about athletes, you know.
• 31:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you can follow a plan, you give us a solid plan, a good coach man, you know, we're before.
• 31:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then we get it done.
• 31:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and, you know, so many people say, you know, yeah, I want to be tough.
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm this and that and all these things, you know, but, you know, the truth is like, you know, we talk about it.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Amen.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: If, you know, you don't, if you, if you're not sick or something that's not wrong, you take cough medicine, you know, you don't work.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, but if you sick, you take cough medicine works.
• 31:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So the medicine
• 31:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what it is, but something that's off for the medicine is working.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: No medicine, no work you're doing on the problem.
• 32:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, like you bring it, you think you're strong, you think this, but you know, you're working, you're butt off in the gym, you got some kind of advice, you like those guys you're talking about, you know, they got some, some's going on.
• 32:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: They say they're strong.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know they hide something.
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: We all hide it, man.
• 32:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: The thing is about it, the thing is, like I said, the truth, but the thing is about, you know, hey, man, look, there's be coachable, because you can't see you.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can't see what's going on.
• 32:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can't see the things that you miss me missing out on, because you're possibly being too strong.
• 32:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 32:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know?
• 32:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man, we can't see those things, you know?
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I love you and I love this and I definitely will have you back on to talk more about that because, you know, we definitely saw that.
• 32:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a whole, you know, during COVID and everything, just with the athletes, you know, a lot of, a lot of solitude and a lot of stigma, and there was just the sense of we don't ask for help or don't need to ask for help, and so anyway, I'm just happy that you guys came on the show.
• 33:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love you both truly madly deeply.
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thank you.
• 33:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I continue to work with you guys.
• 33:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You two are two of the best out there in the field in the game.
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, to the landry Brandon Mitchell, you're going to hear at the end of this, we're going to have an show notes, you know, how to get in touch with you guys if families need you in crisis and I just again, thank you so much for being here and I love you and have a good day.
• 33:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for tuning into this episode of Connect Call.
• 33:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: As we conclude, remember that insights shared are intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not substitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
• 33:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: We strongly recommend consulting a qualified medical health professional or health care provider for personalized advice tailored to your unique needs.
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your mental health journey is important and having the right support is essential.
• 33:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're experiencing a mental health crisis or require immediate assistance, please reach out to a mental health provider or emergency services in your area.
• 34:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're grateful to have you as part of our community and your well-being remains our priority.
• 34:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: So follow us on social media to stay connected and be sure to catch one of our episodes on our YouTube channel.
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're here to support you every step of the way.