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SMNTY Classics: Mentors and MomStuff · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. We're welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I've never told you a protective of iHeartRadio and today, Yes,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: your eyes ears do not deceive you. You're getting a classic.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: That's because we're doing I Spoiled Saturdays this month. But
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: this weekend, as it comes out, is Mother's Day, and
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: we were talking about some potential topics around that, and
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I had the idea of gendered gift giving around Mom's
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and how so much of it is like cooking stuff
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: or cleaning stuff. But I remembered I had done that
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: already in a previous update. Yes, so I wanted to
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: bring something back to marked the occasion, and I remembered
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: we had done this one where I really gush about
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: how much I love my mom, called mentors and Mom's stuff,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: and where we just talk about women in our lives
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: that we looked up to or were mentors to us
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: at some point. As always with this, shout out to
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: people who are hurting on Mother's Day for whatever reason,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: if it's infertility, bad relationships with mothers, loss. Also reminder,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: non binary Parents' Day is a thing. Yeah yeah, yeah,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: But whatever you're doing, we hope that you enjoy this
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: to stuff I never told your protection of iHeartRadio's house
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: that works. This episode all about mentors and strong women
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: and role models.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Goes out to my mom.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Because her birthday is tomorrow as you record this, but
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: it was new, it was soonish right whenever you hear it,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: And I did want to do a list of things
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I love about my mom because she's my favorite. The
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: number one thing is she's kind love and kindness is
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: one of my most valued traits in anybody.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: I haven't met her yet, but everything you've told of me,
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: I'm like, she's the most patient, genuinely giving person.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah that just sounds like it.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's very caring, she's empathetic. She calls me sweetness.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: She's strong and funny and fun and wants to make
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: sure everyone else is having fun. She's handled a lot
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: of tragedy with grace. She knows what your favorite meal
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: is and we'll make it for you when you're sad
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: or happy, or when she's just thinking of you. She
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: has a Southern accent that makes it hard for drive
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: through employees to understand her.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Really.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Yep, the infamous example is when we were at a
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Zaxby's and she wanted water, and they thought she was
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: saying order, so they thought she wanted a second order,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: but she was saying water or waters?
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Is that southern thing? Or is that the more like?
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's southern.
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: I know there's a YouTube star who does that too,
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: and he's from Atlanta, apparently in water water, and every
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: time he does it, they make fun of him and
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: put in translation.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It was quite funny. It was one of those like
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: who's on first?
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Just took forever.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Eventually she was like, forget the water, It's fine. She
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: she also gets a lot of modern things just slightly wrong.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Back in my my chemical romance phase. She called them
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: my potions addiction.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: I mean because I like Potter. She was combining the fantastic.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Actually that sounds like a Harry Potter cover ban.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: It should be.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: She's easy to talk to you. She's a great listener.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: She used to take the longer way to my gymnastics
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: class because it had a steep hill that I.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Liked going up and down and pretending it was a
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: roller coaster. Every year, she hides Easter eggs just for me.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: You make a lot of money off those I make
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: a lot of money. That's amazing.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: I feel like I want to come over and so
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: fun and there's money to be getting all the money.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: My favorite part about Thanksgiving is cooking with her. Well,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: we drink Corse light out of silver goblets.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Oh you fancy, We super fancy. She's brave.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: She's heacked alone in all kinds of isolated places you
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: can't find online, and she draws maps of those areas
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: that she is shared with coworkers in this office who've
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: been curious. And she has this hand drawn map she'll
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: give you if.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I need that.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: It's awesome.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: She's happy to try new things like moonshine if you
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: want to try a John Snow seemed to be here
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: at a bar she's in, even though she doesn't know
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: who John Snow. And one of my favorite pictures I've
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: ever posted on Instagram. I was trying to show her
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: what a selfie was and instead of looking at the camera,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: she kissed me on the cheek and it's one of
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: my favorite pictures we've ever taken. Oh that's adorable. Yeah.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: She volunteers, She helps others. She remembers the little things
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: that you mentioned and then brings them up years later,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: like remember how your favorite so when you were in
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: seventh grade.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Was that Matrix song for by Pod And I'm like, no,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: but I can't believe you remember.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: She indulges me in my silly quest, like going to
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: every store to find a cheap PlayStation four, which we did.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: It took forever, but we did.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: She didn't laugh at me when I was nine and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: cried because I realized I would, in fact, never marry
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Ryan Gosling. It was out of the cards. It was
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: a tough day for me. She's excited to learn new things.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: She'll watch a bad movie with me and listen to
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: me talk about Harry Potter and Marvel all day. She
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: encouraged me to travel. She forgives where I tried to forget.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: She never tries to change me and all my weirdness.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: She's my cheerleader and she's in my corner and I
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: love her and she loves me, and I know that
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: she does, and her actions and in her words, she
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: has made it impossible for me to think otherwise, even
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: on my lowest day. And I could go on and on,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: But if she's listening now, she's blushing. Oh, even though
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I'd like to do a whole podcast about her, probably
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: shut it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: We can, Oh, gosh, I would love to. Don't tempt me.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And my mom and I look a lot of like.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people will come up to me and they'll
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: think I'm her, And instead of being like angry because
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: she's older than me, I'm.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Like, always so flattered by.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: I'll love those pictures of the parent daughter group and
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: they're like, are they sisters?
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Who is who?
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Who was the older?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's we do look a lot like I see it.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: But yes, this episode is not all about my mom,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: but I wanted to talk about her because it's her birthday,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: and also she has been a really beneficial and powerful
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: role model and mentor in my life, and we wanted
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: to look into why that's so important. And one of
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: the big things is if you can see it, you
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: can be it. We've said it so many times on
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the show before. It's simplification, but it does open up
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: so many doors. You may have thought we're closed to you.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: If you see someone that you can see yourself in
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: doing something right. Studies have found this impacts men too.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: If men never see women doing a thing, whatever it
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: might be, they might think women can't.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Do it either.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: A study out of India found that when exposed to
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: at least two female village leaders, men were more likely
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: to vote for women. A recent theory suggests that role
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: models are helpful in three ways behavioral, inspirational, and potential.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: One of the things that has come up a lot
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: in our female first segments is these amazing women reporting
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: how hard it was to do everything that they did
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: without a role model or mentor someone they can look
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: to to see because they're the first, there was no
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: one like them to get advice from or to learn from.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: Right. A recent study found that eighty nine percent of
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: women made more aspirational life goals when around a woman
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: they admire and middlely. The study was in part sponsored
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: by Linquisine, but also by NYU College.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: So there's that.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: It found that after a conversation with a woman that
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: they found inspirational, women were more likely to think about
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: the things they wanted as opposed to what they believe
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: society expected of them.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Having a female role model can help women deal with
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: all the self doubt and self criticism that often plagues
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: a lot of us, especially when we do something society
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: tells us isn't really for women. Isn't a placed women
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: can succeed in? Isn't a space for women?
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: The National Science Foundation recently sponsored a study that found that,
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: compared to male faculty tenured or tenured track, female faculty
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: were more likely to have mentors. Female assistant professors with
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: mentors were more likely to get grants than those without
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: a mentor.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: A study from the Air Force Academy and two economists
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: at the University of California Davis found, as reported by
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Ray Feisman over at Slate, quote, when a female instructor
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: was put at the front of the classroom, nearly two
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: thirds of the grade point gender gap evaporated. The study
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: authors acknowledged the difficulty of isolating any one thing when
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: it comes to improving grades, and that's one of the
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: reasons they chose it was a military college for their study,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: with the hopes of minimizing as many of those factors
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: as possible.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: A different study from KMPG found that women really want
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: mentorship and really benefit from it. Sixty seven percent reported
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: that they needed a support group to foster the confidence
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: they needed to be leaders. The same number indicated they'd
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: learned the most valuable leadership lessons from other women.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Several studies have shown mentorship to be especially helpful when
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: it comes to women in tech. Still, even with a mentor,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: the attrition rate for women in STEM fields is one
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: out of four women compared to one out of ten men.
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: The importance of mentoring our young folks can't be underestimated either.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: Negative stereotypes about women in STEM impacts girls as early
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: as twelve and when they started reporting a declining interest.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: A twenty seventeen study found that black students were more
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: likely to graduate if they had at least one black
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: teacher between third and fifth grade. Other research found that
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: women are more likely to enroll in upper level classes
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: when they've had experience with a female role model in
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: that field, even a minor one.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: And women can relate to issues faced by other women,
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: being the only one in the boardroom, salary negotiations, or
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: being spoken over.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Men can totally be good mentors for both men and
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: women too. However, one of the interesting side effects of
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: the Me too movement is that, according to some studies,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: more than half of male managers are now nervous and
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: avoidant when it comes to working closely with women.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Mentorship is different from sponsorship.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I just want to put that in there, which is
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: sponsorship is valuable as well, and this is when someone
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: in a position of power speaks for you, vouchers for you,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: actively helps.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Advance your career. And I did read there aren't.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: That many pieces out there about this, but there are
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: some about like stop looking from mentors, which you need
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: as a sponsor, you could probably benefit from both.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: But you know mentor.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: When we say mentor, a lot of what we're talking
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: about is informal, although companies do have formal programs. And
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: if this is something you're interested in, totally.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Checkingship is an involved process, which is a relationship beyond,
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: then just let me help you with this one thing.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: And I know for my kids having a mentor it
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: makes a vast difference. Someone that they can turn to,
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: someone they trust, someone that they can help them in
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: times of needs without feeling judged.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: And that's a lot of the mentorship. But it's not
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: judging but helping.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: And I know according to one study, one very important
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: study about adolescence, the likelihood of them reoffending or going
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: down a negative path is lessened if they have one
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: positive influence or mentor in their life and it makes
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: a vast amount of difference in their future.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so pretty important stuff. And we have some more
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: important stuff to talk about. But first we have a
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: quick break for words from a sponsor, and we're back,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you sponsor. So now we want to talk about
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: If you're hearing this and you're hanging, oh my gosh,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I gotta go out and get me a mentor finding one,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: let's talk about that. Like we said, many companies do
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: offer a formal mentorship program, so be sure to see
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: if that's an option where you work. However, we could
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: definitely do better. Overall, a program is valuable because it
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: normalizes a work culture that promotes learning, growing and asking
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: for help and just having that structure in place, like
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: knowing that this person is available or interested, very very helpful.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Of note, you can get a mentor for non work
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: stuff too, like just somebody in your life, Like my
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: mom wasn't my mentor for work or anything.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: She's more my role model but also kind of a mentor, right.
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: And that's the whole idea that I was saying previously
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: before the ad is this mentoring is just beyond this
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: one thing it's a whole life changing process it hopefully yeah,
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: in a good way.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It comes to choosing a mentor a couple things.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Know what you want out of the relationship and be
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: able to communicate that. Do communicate that, and don't be
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: afraid to be selective, be open to hearing constructive criticism,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: and to actually heeding advice. Look for someone who has
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: the experience you want, is qualified and passionate in your field,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and has the bandwidth and desire to be a mentor,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: and is generally nice. I would say it will be
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: a positive influence in your life. And this is more
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: work stuff, and for me, I had a mentor for
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: this job, although it was more back when I was
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: a producer. My old boss, Roxanne, whose voice a lot
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: of you may recognize as the one that has long
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: introduced our fellow podcast stuff you should know and stuff
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: you missed in history class. She was a great listener.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: She had your back, she had everyone's back. She made
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: time out of her day for me, gave me advice
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and constructive criticism and praise. She gave me ideas and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: also was very straightforward with me about the pros and
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: cons of like pursuing certain positions at the company and
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: work home life balance, and to this day we still
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: meet up.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Very valuable relationship to me.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: I think when it comes to this shop technically you
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: large from Savor as well as Caroline with a lady
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: like are my mentors of what the hell am I doing?
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: And checking in I'm like, is this good? Is this bad?
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: Am I just completely off the chart and trying to
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: do what I'm doing and all of that. And it's
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: been really nice to have because I could not imagine
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: trying to do this and being like, yeah, I don't
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: know I'm doing because I don't.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: And it's That's another good point is it doesn't have
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: to be I think when people think of mentors, they
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: think of someone fifty years older than you, way older
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: and like, way more qualified. And it doesn't have to
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: be that way at all. And we'll come back to
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: that too.
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: Surveys and studies show plenty of women are willing to
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: be mentors. So why is mentoring among women so relatively rare.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: The consensus seems to be women are afraid to ask,
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: or for some reason or another aren't asking. Well. Of course,
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: time commitment is a big thing as well. If you
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: want to be a mentor or. If you want a mentor,
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: don't be afraid. You probably know a woman in your
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: life happy to step in to fill that role.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's one of those things. It doesn't have
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: to be a super formal it can be. It doesn't
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: have to be.
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: Sometimes it does feel like it's kind of stalk creation.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: I'm like, hey, I really like what you're doing. You
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: wouldn't be my mentor.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Well, you just did you say anything in that voice?
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: It feels a little starrish.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: You didn't like that voice.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying, maybe your approach needs all I'm staring
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: at you like this.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's like an eyebrow thing.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: Which is funny because my eyebrows really can't move.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Well, they're doing something right now.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: They're doing sound creepy. Way to go, Samantha.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, well we'll discuss this after the podcast. And
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: this brings us to how to be a mentor. According
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: to a DDI World study, women shy away from being
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: mentors for three main reasons. Women don't ask other women
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: to be mentors, a lack of time on the part
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: of the mentor. Women don't feel they have an appropriate
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: level of expertise, to mentor, which is that damn imposter
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: syndrome again. And mentoring it's not a one way street.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: It's not only helpful for the mentee, but for the
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: mentor as well. It's a mutually beneficial relationship, or it
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: should be. As a mentor, you'll improve your listening skills,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: you'll learn, you'll become more compassionate and empathetic, you'll push
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: yourself to do better. I was a mentor in college
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: and on and off informally in my career.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: And I found it to be super rewarding.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: And I know I felt some anxiety and being a mentor,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: that I wasn't good enough, didn't know enough, And yeah,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not the only one that.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Feels like that.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: But the value of just having someone there listening, a
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: person you can talk to. Don't underestimate that. Like, if
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you can do at least those things right, that's a
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: pretty good foundation.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: I remember once, and I hope no one judges me
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: for this, but.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I jokingly told a menti of mine, I guess, in
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: what was a very serious tone, there is no fate,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: no fate, but what make And I was exhausted and
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: advice is hard and retired and I'm a nerd, and
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I really just I was kidding. But weeks later she
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: came up to me so grateful for my great advice
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: and yeah that was a quote from T two Judgment Day,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: but it helped her.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: You know, Terminator, she never like sees.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: That movie feels such crushing betrayal.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: She stole that lie.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't know what she was talking about it first, like, well,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: what advice? And then later I was like, oh no,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: and yes, yes, you should do better than that, better
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: than spouting quotes from James Cameron movies. But don't let
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: yourself be too scared away from being a mentor because
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: you're not perfect.
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: I mean, to be fair, you may be and you
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: just don't know it. That's true when you form some
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: types of relationships, it becomes kind of that way, when
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: you're there to help and you could just be I'm
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: your good friend, but I'm coming in and checking in.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: Of course, there's a balance, but you may be mentoring
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: someone without knowing you're mentoring someone.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: That's totally true.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: There's so many people in my life that I don't
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: know if they realized the huge impact they had. Ely
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: and one of them, someone I met in China.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I was so sad I had to leave.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I was so sad, and she said, like, very simply,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes people come into your life exactly when you need them,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: and then they have to leave.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: And I still think about it to this day. I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: was like, does she knew? She knew, but she probably
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: has no idea. I still think about that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Another thing, A lot of the key things a mentee
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: wants to learn from a mentor isn't so much technical
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: but more kind of personal. Not personal, but like communication, skills, negotiation, leadership.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: So if you're thinking, oh, I can barely do this
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: job myself, right.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: That was me.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not putting that on anyone else. But when I
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: first started editing, I thought that A lot a lot
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: of people are more like, how do I talk to
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: my boss? Or how do I sell these skills that
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I have? How do I communicate better? How can I
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: be a better leader? How can I delegate things that
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: aren't necessarily so skills slash job based.
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: I will say, I just used you for that literally
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: ten minutes ago she did.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: She did.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: So advertise your willingness to mentor if you're in STEM
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: volunteers speak to schools volunteer working with students.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I think there's a lot to be said.
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: I know in colleges they offer older students with younger
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: students to help in different types of fields or whatnot,
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: So that's always good to do as well.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I had that program in my school when
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I was in elementary school.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: And Zoe, if you're.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Listening, Zoe, I remember you, and you really inspired me.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Very much see the benefit and things like that. Some tips,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: once you find a mentor mentee, have structured meetings with
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: set times frequencies.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: This is more for the formal stuff.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Come prepared with goals and objectives as the mentee and
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: homework as the mentor. And that doesn't have to be
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: like write this thing out, but more like maybe the
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: little focus on this and you can work on this
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: or read this thing or whatever it might be.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: You like the homework, huh do?
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: I used to.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Ask for extra homework.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I was a nerd, not you were, but you were.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: I was just were I Ohmantha, I race it.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Now you are.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Typically I'm too, just in different ways.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: And visibility of how women work, which for a variety
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: of reasons like children or elder care may be different
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: than men is really really really really really important.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And my most recent.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Meeting with someone who I wouldn't say she's my mentee,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: but she kind of reached out to me and was like, Hey,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I'm interested in doing pursuing kind of what you're doing,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: and can we sit down and talk? And I was
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: very upfront with like, I love my job, but it
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: means X, Y and Z, it's for my home life,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: it means this, and like just being open about what
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: it really takes for you to do what, especially in
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: a job like this where there's kind of a public
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: aspect to it, Like what does it take to get
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: to where we are right now?
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: And that's honestly exactly why I come to you, and
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: come to people who have been in this field for
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: a very long time. I'm not gonna pretend like I
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: know what's going on.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: You know, and it's okay.
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: You know your weaknesses, you know your strengths, improve your weaknesses,
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: and this is how you do it. You seek it
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: out and it's better to know, yes, obviously, than not know.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: And it's better to mint that you don't know. So
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: how do I find help? And kind of like how
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: I'm doing. I don't necessarily have an individual mentor. I
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: literally seek people out in their specialties and or in
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: their expertise because I know I can get this from
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: you just kind of how you people come in seasons.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: They have attributes and things that you don't know, which
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: makes it an amazing thing, which is what I love
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: about meeting new people. You find different things that you're like,
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: oh wow, I can learn from that, right, do it?
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely?
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: And I think one article I read kind of going
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: off of that said you shouldn't be looking for mentors
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: but friend tours exactly. And so that's another way of
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: looking at it. If you're not into this whole idea
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: of like a more structured mentorship, or you're just I
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: don't want to stay embarrassed, but maybe like a friend
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: towards an easier thing right for you to pursue.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: I mean, for me, I trust it.
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: I have a huge trust issue in general, and I'm
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: so much better now, But that was part of the thing,
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: is like, how do I trust you in all these
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: aspects and I don't want to be disappointed or I
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: don't want to disappoint you all of those levels and
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: being able to kind of bring people in your groups
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: and lovingly do these things and then come up with
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: a fact like I don't know this aspect again, let's
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: talk and you teach me about this. Yeah, and then
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: kind of the same thing with you know, mikex or
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: takes to social work, so I do get the hey
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: you're a social worker.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: So yeah, and annoying as that can be.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: Sure, I understand why, and it's actually very appropriate and smart. Yeah,
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: unless you're asking for a session, then that's weird.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, don't.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of my friends who your
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: nurses get the hate right like.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: Hey, oh yeah, weird mo.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're off what.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: And you start brandowly pointing at scars.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that's a different episode. We're going off track.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: Cool. Sorry.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Also, you can have more than one mentor, and you
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: can have more than one mentee. You can be both
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: a mentor and a mentee. Your mentor can be your
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: age or younger, can be older. It can be formal
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: or informal. No labels as they say these days also
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: also not quite the same. But seeing it being it
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: is important when it comes to our media, especially the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: media children consume as well. That's something We've talked about
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: a lot, but worth worth restating. We do have just
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: a little bit more for you listeners. But first we
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: have one more quick break forward from our sponsor, and
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: we're back.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Thank you sponsor. I wanted to touch.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Briefly on why this matters, even though I think it's
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: been sprinkled throughout this episode.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Ready one, there.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Are more men named Dave than there are women total
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: on the list of CEOs of the ftse one hundred companies.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: Really more men named Dave. Also, I think Dave too, Like.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: There are a bunch of names I saw on different websites.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: No Roberts, I don't remember if I saw Robert, but
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I Dave stuck out Dave.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Dave.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Damn it, Dave.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: What is the quote from two thousand and one? I'm sorry, Dave.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I just can't do that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Andrew, Yes, thank you. Andrew.
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: Care reports that although women do sixty percent of the
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: world's work, we make a measly ten percent of global
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: income and own less than one percent of the world's property.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: That's that's not my stomach does not like that.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: My whole party of the global income.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, one percent of the world's property.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: That's that's absurd.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Study after study has found that our companies and our
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: economy as a whole benefits from diversity. Think of how
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: many ideas we're missing out on by not having women
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: and other marginalized groups at the table, whatever table that
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: might be. Think of how many ideas we would have
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: missed out on if not for women breaking barriers and
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: overcoming obstacles.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: You know, one of the things I think about social media.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: My coworker and I talk about when we were talking
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: about different issues that are happening and just kind of
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: catching up and when I'm a coworker at my other
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: job and she is a very strong black woman and
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: I love her to death, and one of the things
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: we're talking about was how she sees Twitter and how
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: we see Twitter and the differences. And she's like, as
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: she calls it, black Twitter, I.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Already knew this. And then white people.
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: Are saying, right, bringing this along, Like that's been fifteen years,
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: and the dynamic of the split is more noticeable now
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: that we have that social media content of and even
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: though it's still separated unfortunately and not as consumed or
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: interchangeably consumed. I guess that's such a dynamic thing. It's like,
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: what are we missing out on? Yeah, you know, and
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: then you start realizing because now you have ability to
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: see that content, which is really really important.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Absolutely it is.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And I one thing and I know we've talked about
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: this before too, but like having that friend who is
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: the strong person always worth like because sometimes people who
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: are strong have their their days that are where they're
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: down to or they are feeling down about themselves as well.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: And I in a.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Mentor mentee relationship, which can be it doesn't have to be,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: but can be more of a like personal friendship relationship.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Just good to keep that in mind, you.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: Know, check in, check in, right, always check.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: In on people.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: So that's about what we have to say about mentors
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: and role models today. But we are introducing a new
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: thing at the end of our episodes.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: We wanted to make sure that, as we had previously
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: had episodes about supporting women and supporting women in podcasting,
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: specifically in our field, because we know the statistics, that
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: we continue to actually emphasize that. And so as I
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: am learning this whole world of social media, I've been
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: checking out different Twitter sites, and different podcasts Twitter sites.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Is that a word?
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Look up to date?
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: You are good at this all read what is this?
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: I was on the Twitter site on the Twitter site,
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: it told me it tweeted at me. There are so
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: many people who are asking for suggestions, like female, what
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: are your favorite female podcasts? Female led podcasts? And so
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: I'm going through every single one of them, clicking. I'm like, oh,
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: I like this one and not like this one. So
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: a few that I saw was Shenangan's with Friends hilarious content.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: I was just like, oh, yeah, I want to be
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: your friend. Just her.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: She was interviewing a specific person. It was the you
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: need to go check it out, okay, nerdy bitches, it
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: would be up your alley. Yeah, it sounds like you know,
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: and black girls do stuff too. And I enjoyed every
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: bit of all of those things. And it's really good content.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: So if you love listening to our stuff, go check
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: their stuff out.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And we would love to hear your suggestions for podcasts.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: We should be shouting out.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: If you do a podcast we've heard for some people,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: let us know.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: And one of the ways you can do that.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Is through email what yep on the email site says.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: They call email thing does a tweet at YouTube?
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: I think so okay, cool cool.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: I think so Our email is stuff Media mom Stuff
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot Com, our Twitter is at mom Stuff podcast,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: and Instagram is stuff I've Never told you.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Thanks is all wait to our super producer Andrew Howard.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: He's there, he was there moments ago.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: He decided to leave me because he doesn't like my songs.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, he loves your songs. And thanks to you for listening.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Stuff mom Never Told You.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Is a prediction of iHeart Radio's How Stuff Works. For
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.