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297: How to Talk to Neurodivergent Kids about Sexuality, with Amy Lang MA · Beautifully Complex

0:03
Speaker 1: You might have a thirteen year old who's functioning more
0:05
Speaker 1: like a ten or eleven year old, and those thirteen
0:07
Speaker 1: year olds are talking about stuff, and your kid's going
0:10
Speaker 1: to try to go along, to get along, and if
0:12
Speaker 1: they don't have you as a resource to come back
0:14
Speaker 1: to and say, they said this really weird thing, I
0:18
Speaker 1: don't know what it is, because they need to know.
0:21
Speaker 1: And it does not hurt any child to have a
0:23
Speaker 1: lot of very specific and sometimes explicit information from their
0:28
Speaker 1: trustworthy adult or parents.
0:31
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Beautifully Complex podcast, where I share insights
0:35
Speaker 2: and strategies on parenting neurodivergent kids straight from the trenches.
0:40
Speaker 2: I'm your host, Penny Williams. I'm a parenting coach, author
0:43
Speaker 2: and mindset mama, honored to guide you on the journey
0:47
Speaker 2: of raising your atypical kid. Let's get started. Welcome back
0:54
Speaker 2: to Beautifully Complex everyone. I am so honored to have
0:59
Speaker 2: Amy Lang here with me today to talk about something
1:02
Speaker 2: that is awkward. It's tough that we don't necessarily want
1:07
Speaker 2: to talk about but we need to, which is talking
1:11
Speaker 2: to our nerd diversion kids about sexuality, having the birds
1:15
Speaker 2: and bees talk with them, talking about navigating gender differences
1:20
Speaker 2: and talking about porn. We're just going to dive into
1:24
Speaker 2: all of the things that are tough but that we
1:27
Speaker 2: need to be having conversations with our kids about. So Amy,
1:30
Speaker 2: will you start by letting everybody know who you are
1:33
Speaker 2: and what you do.
1:34
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and thank you so much for having me on
1:37
Speaker 1: and trusting me with your people with this really complicated, important, confusing,
1:42
Speaker 1: amazing part of life and you know parenting too. So
1:47
Speaker 1: I let's see. So my story briefly is that I
1:49
Speaker 1: was a sexual health educator for over sixteen years. I
1:53
Speaker 1: was doing all the usual sex and stuff and loved it.
1:57
Speaker 1: Was my passion. And I thought that when I had kid,
2:00
Speaker 1: I was going to be spectacular at talking with him.
2:04
Speaker 1: And I thought he was going to tell me it
2:06
Speaker 1: felt good to touch his penis. And he was about five,
2:08
Speaker 1: and I freaked out internally and I was just like,
2:12
Speaker 1: what is happening to you? Like you know all about penises?
2:15
Speaker 1: Why even so weird? So I realized I needed to
2:19
Speaker 1: get it together, and so I did some research for
2:21
Speaker 1: our family and figured out, you know how the questions
2:24
Speaker 1: are like every questions every parent has, like when do
2:26
Speaker 1: you start? What do the conversations look like? What's aged appropriate,
2:30
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So I dove into that realm figured
2:33
Speaker 1: out how to do it for our family with our
2:35
Speaker 1: young kid. And then the other part of my background
2:37
Speaker 1: is that I have my master's and my focus was
2:39
Speaker 1: in adult education. So as I was figuring this out
2:42
Speaker 1: for us, I realized I could help other parents, and
2:45
Speaker 1: so I started my company, which is Birds and Bees
2:47
Speaker 1: and Kids. And I've been working with parents of neurotypical
2:51
Speaker 1: and nerdivision kids for like way long time now, like
2:55
Speaker 1: nineteen years. And initially I was just very his focused
3:00
Speaker 1: neurotypical kids, and I had you know parents, I knew
3:02
Speaker 1: they had autistic eightyhders, you know that would come up.
3:05
Speaker 1: But in the last like two or three years, when
3:08
Speaker 1: I did individual consultations they're called quickies because I'm funny.
3:13
Speaker 1: I would be talking with a parent and then they
3:14
Speaker 1: would just drop in autistic, they would drop in nerdivergent.
3:18
Speaker 1: They would say ADHD. And then I thought, what's going
3:21
Speaker 1: on here? So I started asking at the top, any
3:23
Speaker 1: nerdivergence in your family? And then it was about like
3:28
Speaker 1: I would say, a third or more families we had
3:31
Speaker 1: nerdivergent kids. And so I was like, well, y'all need help.
3:35
Speaker 1: So I go out, you know, I go poking around.
3:37
Speaker 1: And if you've already tried to find specific support for
3:40
Speaker 1: talking with nerdivergent kids between the ages of like five
3:43
Speaker 1: and you know, middle school ish, there's nothing. There's puberty stuff.
3:47
Speaker 1: There's like one book kind of and so I thought, well,
3:53
Speaker 1: you all need help. And so I got a certification
3:56
Speaker 1: in nerdiversity and sexuality and I have been learning, learning,
3:59
Speaker 1: learning all about nerdivergence and all about the best ways
4:04
Speaker 1: to talk with nerdivergent kids about sexuality, the issues that
4:06
Speaker 1: are very specific to nerdivergent kids. And so I've just
4:10
Speaker 1: been working with parents have nerdivergent children, and I, you know,
4:14
Speaker 1: I think I said before we started up, I'm like,
4:16
Speaker 1: this was bad and sad because your kids are sexual beings,
4:20
Speaker 1: whether they want them to be or not. Right, that'say.
4:22
Speaker 1: Every parent doesn't want their kid to be a sexual being,
4:24
Speaker 1: but they need this information more so than neurotypical.
4:27
Speaker 2: Kids in a lot of ways. Yeah, I can't wait
4:29
Speaker 2: to learn from you. Where do we start? Where is
4:33
Speaker 2: the beginning for a parent?
4:36
Speaker 1: So the beginning is really really with basics and one
4:40
Speaker 1: of the things that oh, and I should decide note
4:43
Speaker 1: I'm not nerdivergent. My child's not nerdivergent. But my husband
4:46
Speaker 1: is dyslexic, and I have permission to tell you that.
4:48
Speaker 1: And when you're dyslexic in nineteen sixty eight nine, nobody
4:53
Speaker 1: knows what to do with you. And so I did
4:55
Speaker 1: not know that was a nerdivergence, and it has explained
4:57
Speaker 1: so much for me for him because he didn't know
5:01
Speaker 1: that either. So I just want to be really clear
5:03
Speaker 1: that this is not part of my life other than
5:05
Speaker 1: my grown person. So the beginning is where you start,
5:09
Speaker 1: which is correct names for private body parts. Like everybody
5:12
Speaker 1: needs to know the correct names for their private body parts.
5:15
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I've learned about lots
5:17
Speaker 1: of nerdivergent folks, which is really true for everyone. You
5:20
Speaker 1: don't need them monkey around. You can just say that's penis,
5:23
Speaker 1: that's a volva, I have a vagina, they have testicles,
5:27
Speaker 1: and just use those clear words, which should be the
5:30
Speaker 1: case for everybody. But that's the really the very very
5:33
Speaker 1: basic place to start, and you know, getting into the
5:37
Speaker 1: point like then talking about reproduction happens a little bit later.
5:41
Speaker 1: But the reason we need to use correct names for
5:43
Speaker 1: private body parts is because it's a safety issue. And
5:48
Speaker 1: for kids like yours, who are more vulnerable to be
5:51
Speaker 1: taking advantage of because of social que issues and going
5:54
Speaker 1: along to getting get along and masking and that kind
5:57
Speaker 1: of thing, they really need to be able to say
6:00
Speaker 1: that person touched my penis, you know. Maybe Unfortunately is
6:04
Speaker 1: if you've got a blurder, they're going to be like, hey,
6:06
Speaker 1: you've got evolve a right in the grocery store. Yes, right,
6:09
Speaker 1: so yes, which is one of those things where you
6:12
Speaker 1: know that can happen with any kid. But just being
6:14
Speaker 1: mindful that when they say, you know that I have
6:18
Speaker 1: a penis, they use those words, especially when they're young.
6:21
Speaker 1: It triggers folks who are going to pray on children
6:23
Speaker 1: of like if your kid knows the correct names for
6:24
Speaker 1: the private body parts, so that's less likely to be
6:26
Speaker 1: preyed upon. It's just true, true, true. So that's like
6:30
Speaker 1: the very beginning thing. Yeah.
6:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then how is it different because our kids
6:34
Speaker 2: are nerdive, urgent, like what do we need to be
6:37
Speaker 2: maybe more mindful of? Yeah, that's a great question. So
6:41
Speaker 2: a couple of things. So, first of all, for like
6:43
Speaker 2: looking at like the private parts names is really about boundaries, consent, right,
6:48
Speaker 2: physical safety, that kind of thing. So for your kiddos,
6:52
Speaker 2: just being really clear that it's just you have to
6:56
Speaker 2: be more clear, more succinct from what I understand, Like
6:59
Speaker 2: it's not okay to touch someone's penis, fulva, vagina, private parts.
7:04
Speaker 2: You can use the euphemism, but it can be confusing,
7:07
Speaker 2: but there isn't a better euphemism. You could say genitals,
7:10
Speaker 2: which I can't say genitals because I hate that word,
7:13
Speaker 2: but you can, you could say genitals.
7:16
Speaker 1: And so being very clear about that, talking about it
7:20
Speaker 1: pretty consistently, making it clear that it's not okay for
7:24
Speaker 1: them to touch somebody else's and they are safe places
7:27
Speaker 1: to get that information if they're curious of pointing them
7:30
Speaker 1: towards books, that kind of thing. But the most important
7:33
Speaker 1: thing is to starting this dialogue and this conversation about hey,
7:36
Speaker 1: these are all the parts of your body. Some of
7:37
Speaker 1: the parts we can share, like shaking hands and giving hugs,
7:40
Speaker 1: and some of the parts where they're only for us
7:43
Speaker 1: or parent doctor if there's a problem, and really on
7:47
Speaker 1: repeat with this sometimes so you know, again this isn't
7:52
Speaker 1: this is a safety issue for every child. But because
7:54
Speaker 1: your child might misread, you know, like another kid might say, hey,
7:58
Speaker 1: let's look at each other's private look at each other's penises,
8:01
Speaker 1: and your kid might be less likely to be like, oh,
8:04
Speaker 1: that's not okay or safe. Right, But if you've at
8:06
Speaker 1: least made a real clear effort that it's not okay
8:09
Speaker 1: or safe to play games like this, they're going to
8:11
Speaker 1: be more likely to the very least tell you if
8:14
Speaker 1: they played a game like that with someone. And I
8:17
Speaker 1: do wish I could just say this is magic. Yay,
8:21
Speaker 1: your child is safe. But it's just it's building blocks, really,
8:24
Speaker 1: if you think about it that way.
8:26
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And I've had a lot of parents over
8:28
Speaker 2: the years ask me about, you know, my kid is,
8:32
Speaker 2: as you brought up earlier, touching himself or you know,
8:35
Speaker 2: and that feels like, I think the door to something
8:41
Speaker 2: worse for parents, like they automatically go to that bad place.
8:47
Speaker 2: How do you advise that we handle situations like that?
8:52
Speaker 2: I think the fear is they're going to do it in.
8:54
Speaker 1: Public, right, Yeah, absolutely absolutely. So. You know, if you've
8:59
Speaker 1: got a kid that's discovered that touching their penis or
9:02
Speaker 1: their vulva is a way to self soothe, or it
9:04
Speaker 1: becomes you know, becomes a natural part of like how
9:07
Speaker 1: they roll in their life. Yeah, so it's gonna give
9:10
Speaker 1: some language stuff here. So a kiddo that's figured out
9:12
Speaker 1: it feels good to touch their penis and they're doing
9:14
Speaker 1: that because it's self soothing, because it chills them out, like,
9:18
Speaker 1: that's not necessarily like, I don't necessarily call that masturbation.
9:21
Speaker 1: If a child is twelve, thirteen, fourteen and they're doing that,
9:24
Speaker 1: then that's an entirely different animal and they'll still do
9:27
Speaker 1: it for the same reasons. But if you have a
9:29
Speaker 1: kiddo that is touching their privates and public it doesn't
9:33
Speaker 1: necessarily mean anything. Now. If they can't stop doing it,
9:37
Speaker 1: and you've been really clear and said hey, in your bedroom,
9:40
Speaker 1: in the bathroom, not here, that's not okay. So you
9:43
Speaker 1: have to be firm and clear saying what the hell
9:46
Speaker 1: are you doing? Knock it off, right, That doesn't work.
9:49
Speaker 1: We all know that as parents, knowing that doing that,
9:52
Speaker 1: not doing that, or do different things, right, So being
9:55
Speaker 1: really clear like this is okay, this is the time
9:58
Speaker 1: and the place. Now. If your kiddo's come pulsive about
10:00
Speaker 1: it and can't stop doing it, then something else might
10:03
Speaker 1: be going on With a nerd divergent kid. It could
10:06
Speaker 1: just be that's the thing they've picked to calm down,
10:08
Speaker 1: which no, thank you, right, but so paying attention to
10:12
Speaker 1: your kid. But most kids with a clear, kind redirection
10:16
Speaker 1: will find some other way to self soothe or sometimes
10:20
Speaker 1: we call this self stimulate that kind of thing. So
10:23
Speaker 1: jumping to they are going to assault someone they've been
10:27
Speaker 1: molested is not the place to go because it feels
10:31
Speaker 1: good to touch those parts. And if you don't have
10:33
Speaker 1: a lot of impulse.
10:33
Speaker 2: Control and your board, right yeah, yeah, right, So setting
10:38
Speaker 2: good boundaries, yes, about location, and then I think, you know,
10:42
Speaker 2: if it is that compulsive thing, like there's just no control,
10:47
Speaker 2: speaking to their physician or a therapist or someone.
10:51
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, just getting some outside help. Yeah.
10:54
Speaker 2: I want to pivot to talk about porn because I
10:57
Speaker 2: know this is a huge worry for parents. It's a
11:01
Speaker 2: huge issue I think for so many kids because there's
11:05
Speaker 2: so much access now, and it was something we struggled with.
11:09
Speaker 2: Honestly when my son was I want to say, like
11:13
Speaker 2: nine or ten felt really early to me and it
11:17
Speaker 2: was like this huge alarm. I was like, holy moly,
11:20
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do with this. Yeah, because
11:23
Speaker 2: I future cast, right, because I'm an anxious parent, and
11:27
Speaker 2: I went to all the places in my head but
11:30
Speaker 2: didn't know what to do. And so I would love
11:33
Speaker 2: to give parents some tips, some clarification on what to say, right,
11:40
Speaker 2: where do we draw the line all of these things
11:43
Speaker 2: that I think we don't know unless we talk about it.
11:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, so before we talk about porn, we got to
11:49
Speaker 1: talk about sex. Okay. So one of the biggest things
11:51
Speaker 1: you can do for your kid is to talk openly
11:54
Speaker 1: about sex and sexuality. They should know the usual way
11:58
Speaker 1: babies are made by the time they're five. The thing
12:01
Speaker 1: to think about, like when people hear that, oh my god,
12:03
Speaker 1: penis and vagina by five, people freak out. The thing
12:05
Speaker 1: you need to remember about five year old is that
12:08
Speaker 1: when you say this is how butter's made and this
12:10
Speaker 1: is how baby's made, it's the same same to them. Yeah,
12:13
Speaker 1: we come in with the we have all the information, right,
12:17
Speaker 1: So having an open conversation as from as early in
12:20
Speaker 1: age as possible talking about you know, sex is for pleasure,
12:23
Speaker 1: it's something people agree to do. It's for later in life,
12:26
Speaker 1: it's not for kids. It you know, can be confusing
12:29
Speaker 1: and scary, but it's a really cool part of life.
12:32
Speaker 1: And so thinking about this in terms of preparing your
12:34
Speaker 1: child for there someday being in a sexual romantic relationship
12:39
Speaker 1: instead of trying to get them to not do it.
12:41
Speaker 1: That doesn't work. We all know that that does not work.
12:44
Speaker 1: It didn't work for anybody. Yeah, and no shaming, right, yeah,
12:47
Speaker 1: shaming all that. So presenting this is like, hey, this
12:50
Speaker 1: is a cool important part of life. Is something you
12:52
Speaker 1: need a lot of information about, and it's something that
12:54
Speaker 1: you know you want to wait for until you're older.
12:57
Speaker 1: You might throw a number in there, but you can't
13:00
Speaker 1: necessarily you know, I don't ever say for marriage, because
13:03
Speaker 1: that is not true. People have sex before marriage all
13:05
Speaker 1: the time. But if that's your value, then you need
13:08
Speaker 1: to talk about why marriage. And then you got to
13:10
Speaker 1: do this. You got to crush fingers anyway, you can't
13:13
Speaker 1: control them, right, yeah, So really setting them up with
13:15
Speaker 1: information about you know, how families come together, talking about
13:20
Speaker 1: different kinds of relationships and romance and consent, and so
13:23
Speaker 1: really framing this as you know, in my universe, I
13:26
Speaker 1: wish people would pay as much attention to this as
13:29
Speaker 1: they do to kids getting I don't know what calculus
13:31
Speaker 1: is exactly, but they need more information about this and
13:35
Speaker 1: they do about math, right, this is something we do
13:38
Speaker 1: our entire lives. And then for a nerdivergent kid who's
13:41
Speaker 1: going to have trouble understanding social cues, who might struggle
13:45
Speaker 1: through puberty because their body's doing some weird ass stuff,
13:48
Speaker 1: who might be hanging out with peers that are their
13:51
Speaker 1: same you know, they're not this at the same cognitive level.
13:54
Speaker 1: Like you might have a thirteen year old who's functioning
13:56
Speaker 1: more like a ten or eleven year old, and those
13:58
Speaker 1: thirteen year olds are talking about stuff, and your kid's
14:01
Speaker 1: going to try to go along to get along, and
14:03
Speaker 1: if they don't have you as a resource to come
14:05
Speaker 1: back to and say, they said this really weird thing,
14:09
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. Because they need to know, right,
14:12
Speaker 1: they need to know. And it does not hurt any
14:15
Speaker 1: child to have a lot of very specific and sometimes
14:18
Speaker 1: explicit information from their trustworthy adult or parent. You're not
14:23
Speaker 1: going to hurt them with the information. And you know,
14:27
Speaker 1: one of my things is that it is very hard
14:30
Speaker 1: for us to give our kids too much information. So
14:32
Speaker 1: your goal should be a sweaty upper lip, like I'm
14:34
Speaker 1: going to talk about the thing, and if you don't
14:36
Speaker 1: have a sweaty upper lip. Then you're not hitting it.
14:38
Speaker 1: And because you're going to come into the conversation with
14:41
Speaker 1: some preparation, it's okay to plan before. My book Sex
14:45
Speaker 1: Talks with Tweens is only scripts, So give you the
14:47
Speaker 1: words and come in with a plan. Be ready to
14:52
Speaker 1: We're ready for your child to not want to talk
14:54
Speaker 1: to you. There's all kinds of things that go on
14:56
Speaker 1: with every child, but lots of times in neudivergent kids
14:58
Speaker 1: are just like, hell's no, I'm I'm not interested. This
15:01
Speaker 1: is not for me. I'm too young, I don't want
15:04
Speaker 1: to know. It's not important to me, And you have
15:06
Speaker 1: to push through that because of the situation with their
15:10
Speaker 1: development and their peers, and then of course the porn.
15:14
Speaker 1: So one of the reasons to talk with them openly
15:16
Speaker 1: is because when they are exposed, average age is nine,
15:19
Speaker 1: So your kiddo was right on target.
15:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're excelling.
15:26
Speaker 1: So they need to know because when they see porn,
15:30
Speaker 1: they need to know that porn is people having sex,
15:32
Speaker 1: videos of people having sex. If they don't know what
15:35
Speaker 1: sex is and they haven't had these conversations, especially about Hey,
15:39
Speaker 1: if you're curious about this, go over here. There's books,
15:42
Speaker 1: there's really good kids safe videos now where they can
15:45
Speaker 1: learn about this stuff, they will just get into the porn.
15:48
Speaker 1: Now I'm saying this, and of course, as you all know,
15:51
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You can do all the things and
15:53
Speaker 1: your kid could still wind up in a rabbit hole
15:55
Speaker 1: of porn. So but your job is to do everything
15:58
Speaker 1: you can to help them be success. When they are exposed.
16:01
Speaker 1: They will be exposed by the time they're seventeen eighteen.
16:04
Speaker 1: Everybody is exposed. And the good news is that most kids,
16:07
Speaker 1: the younger they are, when they see it, when they
16:09
Speaker 1: see it, they're like, ooh gross, I don't want to
16:11
Speaker 1: look at that, and they stop watching. The bad news
16:13
Speaker 1: is with the nerd evergent brain, they see it, and
16:15
Speaker 1: they might they're more inclined to be like ooh gross,
16:18
Speaker 1: oh yeah, oh right, what is this? And it can
16:21
Speaker 1: be sexually stimulating, It can just get them riled up,
16:24
Speaker 1: and so they might be they're more likely to rabbit
16:26
Speaker 1: hole to become compulsive users. So you know, you know
16:31
Speaker 1: your nerdivergent brains, right, you know that this is the
16:34
Speaker 1: thing that can happen, and it can become a fixation
16:37
Speaker 1: or a special what's it called. I still knew the
16:40
Speaker 1: words a special.
16:41
Speaker 2: Interests, special interests. Yeah, and it's stimulating. You know, it's
16:45
Speaker 2: a video and it's something interesting and weird, and so
16:50
Speaker 2: it's stimulating.
16:51
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then the dopamine and all the ick. I mean,
16:54
Speaker 1: you know, bad news, bad news, Get your opamine someplace else,
16:58
Speaker 1: jump off a cliff. So just understanding too that, like,
17:04
Speaker 1: you know, they are myths about nerdivergent people and sexuality,
17:07
Speaker 1: and you know a lot of the times it's that
17:09
Speaker 1: they're just not interested in sex and romance because that's
17:13
Speaker 1: just not what happens with those people. And I'm just
17:16
Speaker 1: you know, out thereing with this and so that's not true,
17:20
Speaker 1: that's not true. Pretty much everybody is interested in some way. Now,
17:25
Speaker 1: not everyone wants to be in a sexual romantic relationship,
17:28
Speaker 1: of course. And then you know, nerdivergent people are considerably
17:32
Speaker 1: more likely to be LGBTQ, And so that brings another
17:35
Speaker 1: element into these.
17:36
Speaker 2: Conversations before we move on to a different topic with
17:48
Speaker 2: the porn, what is your advice if you didn't have
17:52
Speaker 2: the conversations, your kid has found it. You figured that out,
17:57
Speaker 2: and now you have to sort of backtrack. How do
18:00
Speaker 2: you how do you navigate that?
18:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, so the very first thing is that you need
18:04
Speaker 1: to apologize to your child for not protecting them and
18:08
Speaker 1: not talking with them about it, because it is not
18:10
Speaker 1: their responsibility to have impulse control. It is not their
18:14
Speaker 1: responsibility to protect themselves online. If you're giving your child iPads, devices,
18:19
Speaker 1: et cetera, and you haven't set up comparable controls, you're
18:22
Speaker 1: not monitoring, you don't know what's going on. It is
18:24
Speaker 1: not your child's fault that they were curious. It's not
18:26
Speaker 1: their fault that their friend sent them a link. It's
18:28
Speaker 1: not their fault. It's not their fault. Yeah, that's the
18:31
Speaker 1: first thing. So depending on how old your kid is
18:34
Speaker 1: and you know how they roll in the world, that
18:35
Speaker 1: kind of thing, sure they can take some responsibility. But
18:39
Speaker 1: initially this is on you. If you did not prepare
18:41
Speaker 1: your child for seeing this, If you do not give
18:44
Speaker 1: them like this is what you do, you stop watching,
18:46
Speaker 1: you turn it off, you come, tell me, you won't
18:49
Speaker 1: be in trouble, then you need to take responsibility for this.
18:52
Speaker 1: The other reason to take responsibility and to apologize to
18:55
Speaker 1: them is that they will lean into you and when
18:57
Speaker 1: this happens to them should not get in trouble. It
19:01
Speaker 1: is I mean pretend you're ten in Google boobs. When
19:05
Speaker 1: we're done and get ready, you see porn. Right, So
19:09
Speaker 1: they shouldn't get in trouble for their curiosity. They shouldn't
19:12
Speaker 1: get in trouble for their impulsive link clicking. And I
19:15
Speaker 1: know this might feel a little counterintuitive to folks, but
19:19
Speaker 1: this is a place where you really need to have
19:20
Speaker 1: connection with your child and shaming, yelling, telling them you
19:24
Speaker 1: know you can ever be on the internets again, like
19:26
Speaker 1: having a big freak out at them, which I completely understand.
19:30
Speaker 1: Of course, it's very scary, right, this is scary stuff.
19:33
Speaker 1: I can really mess them up. They get in a
19:35
Speaker 1: lot of trouble. But if you can, when you find out,
19:39
Speaker 1: just take a beat before you get at them. And
19:42
Speaker 1: if you find out like so, I'm just going to
19:44
Speaker 1: suggest that if you haven't been monitoring or filtering your
19:47
Speaker 1: kid's stuff, that you do that. But go look at
19:50
Speaker 1: their search history. They're stupid, some of them are, but
19:53
Speaker 1: some of them are. Go see what they've been up to,
19:55
Speaker 1: and if you find that they've been looking at porn,
19:57
Speaker 1: then you don't have the conversation. In the moment you
20:00
Speaker 1: wait and you think, okay, parenting with someone, how are
20:02
Speaker 1: we going to handle this. You need to go in
20:03
Speaker 1: kindly and then just make it really clear to them,
20:07
Speaker 1: like why it's not okay for kids. It's confusing, it's scary,
20:10
Speaker 1: it's violent, it's sex it's misogynistic, it's terrible. So you're
20:13
Speaker 1: not going to say that to an eight year old, right, right,
20:15
Speaker 1: But you're going to talk about how people imporn they
20:18
Speaker 1: are actors. Nobody's body really looks like that they are,
20:21
Speaker 1: Like some people compare them to superheroes like the Incredible Hulk.
20:25
Speaker 1: That's not a real person body, right, talking about how
20:28
Speaker 1: people don't do those things, say those things when they're
20:31
Speaker 1: in a connected sexual situation, like talking about that, but
20:35
Speaker 1: it's so hijackie, none of that gets in. So just
20:40
Speaker 1: being really mindful of you know, the endless world of
20:43
Speaker 1: screen time, right, And I know that your kids just
20:46
Speaker 1: need sometimes to have that. I've had to settle out
20:49
Speaker 1: and to settle down, Like, I get that. But if
20:51
Speaker 1: you're not protecting them, if you're not using the parallel controls,
20:54
Speaker 1: if you're not checking and they find this, it is
20:56
Speaker 1: on you. I mean that lovingly.
20:58
Speaker 2: Yes, there's so many tools for that now too, there's
21:02
Speaker 2: so many tools, so many that can help with that
21:05
Speaker 2: and make it easy.
21:08
Speaker 1: You know. Yes, fifteen years.
21:10
Speaker 2: Ago we were like, I was like, I don't know
21:13
Speaker 2: how to control this, Like, yeah, it was so hard.
21:16
Speaker 1: There was one product. Yeah, yeah, there was one product.
21:19
Speaker 1: So yeah, we'll make sure that we have my favorite
21:21
Speaker 1: in the show notes. Yeah, yeah, we'll look that up
21:23
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah. And I don't want to like I'm
21:26
Speaker 1: all doom and gloomy. Like we were talking and I
21:28
Speaker 1: was like, I hate the porn, Like I can't talk
21:30
Speaker 1: about talking about sexuality without talking about porn. And so
21:34
Speaker 1: the best thing for you to do is to kick
21:36
Speaker 1: that door open and start having conversations about sex so
21:38
Speaker 1: that you can talk about the porn in a way
21:41
Speaker 1: that is kinder and more supportive. That makes sense, mm hmm. Yeah,
21:46
Speaker 1: And I wonder how you feel about having a conversation
21:51
Speaker 1: about respect in that time. That was what I ended
21:56
Speaker 1: up sort of leaning on, was like, you know, if
21:58
Speaker 1: that was your mom or your sister, would you want
22:02
Speaker 1: a bunch of people seeing this and you know that
22:06
Speaker 1: this isn't necessarily the way that you respect others. Love it, okay, good,
22:12
Speaker 1: love it right, it's making it real and gross them
22:15
Speaker 1: out right, they'll be like, oh my god, right.
22:18
Speaker 2: Well, yeah that is pretty gross to think about.
22:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, but still whatever, I'm like, all the tools in
22:22
Speaker 1: the toolbox, right.
22:23
Speaker 2: How do you respect other people? These are actual people
22:26
Speaker 2: and we need to also be respectful of them. And
22:30
Speaker 2: I will raise my hand in admitte. My parents never
22:32
Speaker 2: had the conversation with me, you know, so before age nine, no,
22:37
Speaker 2: I I had no idea I should be doing that
22:39
Speaker 2: thought early, right, And so if you don't do it,
22:43
Speaker 2: no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it is and how
22:45
Speaker 2: much they don't want to talk to you, things can
22:48
Speaker 2: really get out of hand.
22:50
Speaker 1: You know. Getting in these conversations sooner is better because
22:53
Speaker 1: it does establish this line of communication. And so a
22:57
Speaker 1: couple of just tips for that is, if your kid
22:59
Speaker 1: is young, like if they're six, seven, eight, you can
23:03
Speaker 1: just say, hey, we need to start talking about this
23:05
Speaker 1: and get books and start the conversations. If they're older ten, eleven, twelve,
23:10
Speaker 1: then you got to say, I blew it. We should
23:12
Speaker 1: have been talking about this, but it's time. You might
23:14
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. Feel uncomfortable, but here we go, and you're
23:19
Speaker 1: in charge of the conversation. Do not expect them to
23:22
Speaker 1: ask you questions Milo told me that he would never
23:24
Speaker 1: ask me or his dad a question about sex. He
23:27
Speaker 1: also told me he'd rather talk to strangers, which was
23:29
Speaker 1: also great. Right, It's like how this is supposed to go,
23:34
Speaker 1: but you're in charge, and it's about their health and safety.
23:37
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, it's about their health
23:39
Speaker 1: and safety. And even if they have given no indication
23:43
Speaker 1: that they're interested in sex or romance, even if you
23:46
Speaker 1: still give them the information, they live in the world.
23:49
Speaker 1: They live in the world. And the more you do it,
23:53
Speaker 1: the more comfortable you'll get. It's okay to say I
23:55
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm doing. One of the things with
23:58
Speaker 1: their divergent kids is you need to attend to their
24:00
Speaker 1: learning style when it comes to this, So be very mindful.
24:04
Speaker 1: If your kid is not going to be a good
24:06
Speaker 1: book reader, then find them books to listen to. Amaze
24:09
Speaker 1: dot org has really great videos for kids, so that's
24:11
Speaker 1: a safe place for them to get information about sexuality. Also,
24:16
Speaker 1: you know, writing notes, sending texts. I had one mom
24:20
Speaker 1: pull out pages, but there's a graphic novel style book
24:23
Speaker 1: that is called you Know Sex. She pulled out the
24:26
Speaker 1: pages on masturbation stuck them on her son's bed with
24:29
Speaker 1: a post it read this rather than overwhelming in with
24:33
Speaker 1: the whole book. I'm another parent who just reads, like
24:37
Speaker 1: reads out of my sex Talks with tween's books, just
24:39
Speaker 1: reads the section about periods, right, So any tool and
24:43
Speaker 1: that does not matter. You just need to try with
24:46
Speaker 1: neurodiversion kids. Everybody does better, as you know, with short
24:49
Speaker 1: and sweet little spurts. So you might have to repeat
24:51
Speaker 1: yourself seventy three thousand times, which, hey, is that already
24:54
Speaker 1: part of your life, So just being mindful of that.
24:57
Speaker 1: But one other thing and then I know you want
24:59
Speaker 1: to talk about LGBTQ stuff, is that when your divergent
25:02
Speaker 1: kids are rolling into heading into puberty, it can be
25:05
Speaker 1: really really hard on them. Every kid's different, but and
25:09
Speaker 1: hard on you. So the more they know sooner the better,
25:12
Speaker 1: getting into you know, bathing habits before they're stinky, that
25:16
Speaker 1: kind of thing, and just having them be ready for
25:19
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. They're going to get hair, they're
25:22
Speaker 1: going to smell, they're going to grow, they're going to
25:23
Speaker 1: get a period, they're going to get breasts, right, and
25:25
Speaker 1: that can all be really challenging. So you want to
25:28
Speaker 1: make sure your child knows what's coming before it starts happening,
25:30
Speaker 1: so you can talk about it and prepare for it.
25:32
Speaker 2: Yeah for sure. Yeah, So let's go into LGBTQ, trans gender,
25:39
Speaker 2: gender fluidity, they them. You know, all of these things
25:45
Speaker 2: for parents in our generation are not new, but they're
25:52
Speaker 2: newly public, I guess we could say, right, and it
25:56
Speaker 2: seems like it's new for a lot of people. How
26:01
Speaker 2: do we have conversations with our kids about it? And truly,
26:05
Speaker 2: I think neurodivergent populations are more likely to identify that
26:11
Speaker 2: way and to explore their gender sexuality in ways that
26:16
Speaker 2: weren't so prevalent in our minds, at least in our generation.
26:21
Speaker 2: Where do we go? What do we do? How do
26:23
Speaker 2: we talk?
26:24
Speaker 1: First thing I need to know is that nerdivergent people
26:27
Speaker 1: are two to three times more likely to be LGBTQ
26:30
Speaker 1: in some way. Transgender folks are six times more likely
26:33
Speaker 1: to be autistic. So there's real data out there. And
26:37
Speaker 1: the takeaway from that is you should not be surprised
26:40
Speaker 1: if your child tells you they're a different gender than
26:43
Speaker 1: the one they were given at birth, that they're gay.
26:46
Speaker 1: You are there anything that's LGBTQ you should be ready
26:49
Speaker 1: for that and you should be ready to support them
26:51
Speaker 1: because the suicide rate amongst LGBTQ kids is four times
26:55
Speaker 1: higher than the general population. We're throw some nerdivergens in there,
26:59
Speaker 1: and what do we got higher? Higher? And the number
27:02
Speaker 1: one thing that keeps kids on par with their peers.
27:05
Speaker 1: LGBTQ kids on par with their peers is parental support.
27:08
Speaker 1: So this can be hard because, like you said, what
27:10
Speaker 1: the hell is pam sexual? Right? Yep, yep, what are
27:15
Speaker 1: you talking about?
27:15
Speaker 2: Yow right?
27:16
Speaker 1: And so pan sexual is someone who's attracted to somebody
27:19
Speaker 1: because of who they are. Doesn't matter their gender, their sex,
27:21
Speaker 1: their private parts, just who they are. So for you
27:25
Speaker 1: with your kid, if they start exploring their gender, and
27:29
Speaker 1: oftentimes where kids will start, if they say, you know what,
27:32
Speaker 1: I am not a boy, I'm a girl, or I'm neither,
27:35
Speaker 1: I'm both, you just say tell me what that means
27:38
Speaker 1: to you. I want to support you. And if they
27:40
Speaker 1: say they have a new name, you roll with the
27:43
Speaker 1: new name. If they have different pronouns, you use the
27:46
Speaker 1: new pronouns. Now you're going to mess up because your
27:48
Speaker 1: child has been Jane their entire life and now they're James,
27:52
Speaker 1: which would be just mean, But now they're James, and
27:55
Speaker 1: so they you know, they've got new pronouns, and so
27:57
Speaker 1: they can get quite irritated if you can't keep up
28:00
Speaker 1: with the pronouns. Just do the best you can. And
28:04
Speaker 1: for most people, they settle out into their gender and
28:07
Speaker 1: sexual orientation by the time they're like seventeen eighteen nineteen.
28:11
Speaker 1: Not everybody comes to that at the same Like, we
28:14
Speaker 1: all know somebody who's come out when they were eighty, right,
28:17
Speaker 1: we all know that I've heard of that person. So
28:20
Speaker 1: your job is to be kind, roll with it, make
28:23
Speaker 1: sure your child's safe. You may live in a state
28:25
Speaker 1: where it is not safe for them to be something
28:27
Speaker 1: other than sis gender and straight, so you're going to
28:30
Speaker 1: need to be very very careful with them and very
28:33
Speaker 1: very careful in your community with them. But you know,
28:36
Speaker 1: there's so much information now about queer kids and queer people,
28:40
Speaker 1: and it makes things a lot easier for everyone because
28:42
Speaker 1: you can get a lot of information about it. So
28:44
Speaker 1: I guess my thing here is, don't be surprised. And
28:49
Speaker 1: even with neurotypical kids, there's tons of exploration now because
28:52
Speaker 1: we just have more information, it's more open. Everywhere we turn,
28:56
Speaker 1: there's somebody who's not cisgender and not straight. This gender
29:00
Speaker 1: means that your gender identity, like I'm a woman matches
29:04
Speaker 1: your biological parts, so I'm female biology wise, just way
29:08
Speaker 1: more complicated than that, but that's the basic understanding. And again,
29:12
Speaker 1: this might be really weird to you, like you might
29:14
Speaker 1: just think this is insanity and a trend in all
29:17
Speaker 1: of that. And so again your job is to do
29:20
Speaker 1: your freak out on your own time, because remember, your
29:23
Speaker 1: child is your priority. Right. You already have people where
29:25
Speaker 1: you go and freak out and scream and yell about
29:27
Speaker 1: what a horror show your child is. If you don't,
29:29
Speaker 1: I hope you do, You're not going to do that
29:31
Speaker 1: in front of your kid, right, So this is another
29:33
Speaker 1: place where you need to tend to your child first
29:36
Speaker 1: and take you know, like I said, do your freak
29:37
Speaker 1: out on your own time. And you know, the good
29:40
Speaker 1: news is one of the lovely things about queer nerdivergent
29:43
Speaker 1: people is they are very unapologetic about who they are.
29:47
Speaker 1: They're already carrying around something that's different, right, and then
29:51
Speaker 1: they add this and they're just oftentimes they're just like,
29:53
Speaker 1: this is who I am. And I love that the
29:56
Speaker 1: clarity because they don't follow into those social norms, right,
30:00
Speaker 1: that's the theory, right, Like if you don't really catch
30:02
Speaker 1: social cues or you don't care about social norms, like
30:05
Speaker 1: if you're like, you know what, I don't feel like
30:07
Speaker 1: a guy or a gal. I think I'm kind of
30:09
Speaker 1: a mix. That's it, right, there's no overthinking. It's just
30:12
Speaker 1: like I don't believe I don't fit here, I don't
30:15
Speaker 1: fit there. I'm it's going to be who I am,
30:17
Speaker 1: which we could all take a page right.
30:19
Speaker 2: Exactly for sure. And I think it makes them more
30:23
Speaker 2: accepting and more supportive of authenticity in their social groups
30:29
Speaker 2: and with people around them, which is amazing. Like don't
30:32
Speaker 2: we want that for everyone?
30:34
Speaker 1: Do?
30:35
Speaker 2: You had said at the beginning of talking about this topic,
30:39
Speaker 2: prepare yourself as a parent. How do we prepare ourselves
30:45
Speaker 2: as a parent. I wanted to circle back to that
30:46
Speaker 2: because I think a lot of parents are going, I
30:48
Speaker 2: don't know how to prepare for that, right.
30:51
Speaker 1: No, thank you. So a couple things like one of
30:54
Speaker 1: the things that I really recommend for parents to do
30:57
Speaker 1: in terms of like just thinking about this, and it's
31:00
Speaker 1: just this is an enormous part of life. It is
31:03
Speaker 1: the biggest thing we do. We're sexual beings. We have
31:06
Speaker 1: relationships of all different kinds. It is with us from
31:09
Speaker 1: birth until death. In terms of child development, it gets ignored.
31:13
Speaker 1: It is a huge part of human development. So that's
31:15
Speaker 1: the first thing, that this is part of being human.
31:18
Speaker 1: I know you want your child to be successful as
31:20
Speaker 1: a human being in general. So if you can prioritize
31:23
Speaker 1: this and this idea that this is important and that
31:25
Speaker 1: your child has a human right to be as prepared
31:28
Speaker 1: as they can be for this part of life. Like
31:30
Speaker 1: when I took that on, you know, early days, I
31:32
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, I want Milo to be ready
31:34
Speaker 1: for this, whatever that looks like for him and for you,
31:37
Speaker 1: whatever that's going to look like for your kid. Right.
31:39
Speaker 1: So if you think about it in terms of preparing them,
31:42
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, you want them to be able to
31:44
Speaker 1: take the bus downtown, right. You want them to be
31:46
Speaker 1: able to walk to school on their own. You want
31:48
Speaker 1: them to be able to X y Z. You want
31:50
Speaker 1: them to be able to have a healthy relationship and
31:52
Speaker 1: a good relationship with themselves as a sexual person, because
31:56
Speaker 1: you know what that's like not to have that, right,
32:00
Speaker 1: This is the first thing, So just embrace that this
32:02
Speaker 1: is important. It's important to them, they'll do better, feel better.
32:05
Speaker 1: When you get the party started, you'll feel better, you'll
32:07
Speaker 1: do better. So one of the things you can do
32:10
Speaker 1: that I think is really really helpful is if you're
32:13
Speaker 1: parenting with someone or have a good friend, is to
32:15
Speaker 1: have a conversation about how did you learn about sexuality
32:19
Speaker 1: and relationships? So where did you get your information? What
32:23
Speaker 1: messages were you taught? Did you hear like I said,
32:26
Speaker 1: the biggest one ever sex is for marriage. That's a
32:29
Speaker 1: big one. Again, doesn't work to keep like if you
32:33
Speaker 1: believe that, that's great, but you have to explain why it's
32:36
Speaker 1: so important. Just saying wait doesn't work. You know, talking
32:40
Speaker 1: about like when did you first hear about somebody being gay?
32:43
Speaker 1: Like I remember my first gay person. It was Larry,
32:46
Speaker 1: the church organist. I had no idea he was gay.
32:49
Speaker 1: And then my friends who were smarter than me, were like,
32:51
Speaker 1: Larry's gay, and I was like what, Like so those moments,
32:55
Speaker 1: and then the other piece too, is thinking about like
32:57
Speaker 1: what do you want for your child's future in terms
33:00
Speaker 1: of the relationship with themselves. You know, if you're parenting
33:03
Speaker 1: a girl, you know, how do you want her to
33:05
Speaker 1: feel about her body? You know, how are you going
33:07
Speaker 1: to help her manage those messages she's going to get?
33:09
Speaker 1: You know, how do you want your kids to treat
33:11
Speaker 1: other people? How do they be a good partner? Like
33:14
Speaker 1: what do you hope for them? And starting there is booying.
33:18
Speaker 1: So one of the reasons I have you talk about
33:19
Speaker 1: how you learned to the messages to let's clear away
33:22
Speaker 1: of the crap. Right, there's a bunch of stuff that
33:24
Speaker 1: did not work, right, like the double standard like girls
33:27
Speaker 1: who have sex or sluts and guys who have sex
33:29
Speaker 1: or studs. That's shifting some, but it's still there, right,
33:34
Speaker 1: So letting go of what happened to you, embracing the
33:37
Speaker 1: stuff that worked, and then just taking a baby step.
33:41
Speaker 1: That baby step might just be to just say to
33:45
Speaker 1: your kid, you know what, we haven't talked about this enough.
33:47
Speaker 1: We need to start talking. I'm sorry, Let's do it.
33:50
Speaker 1: Nothing else, throw it out there. Then you have to
33:52
Speaker 1: do it.
33:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a.
33:53
Speaker 1: Tiny thing, but this pre prep work is the thing
33:57
Speaker 1: that does the most. It's the most inspiring thing is
33:59
Speaker 1: to like, what happened to me? What do I want
34:01
Speaker 1: for my kid? And your kid's a different human, right,
34:04
Speaker 1: your kid's probably a different human. But if you're nerdivergent yourself,
34:07
Speaker 1: then you have a good place of like, oh my god,
34:09
Speaker 1: if I had just known in a different way than
34:12
Speaker 1: someone like me, right, in a different way than someone
34:15
Speaker 1: like me with my neurotypical metapausal brain, so in a
34:21
Speaker 1: different way. So I think, like taking a breath, you
34:24
Speaker 1: don't have to do it all at once. It needs
34:26
Speaker 1: to be in spurts, little bits and pieces. Figuring out
34:29
Speaker 1: what's a priority for you. If you have a kid
34:31
Speaker 1: that's nine and you or eight and you haven't talked
34:33
Speaker 1: about puberty, get the puberty out of the way. You
34:36
Speaker 1: need to get that conversation started and again, even if
34:39
Speaker 1: they don't want to talk about it. There's all kinds
34:41
Speaker 1: of tricks. You can say, I need three minutes. I'm
34:42
Speaker 1: going to set a timer. You don't have to respond
34:45
Speaker 1: to me. I just need to say these things. I'm
34:47
Speaker 1: going to write you a note, write read it. Any
34:51
Speaker 1: little thing you can do. And one of the biggest things,
34:54
Speaker 1: especially for those kids who very much like to push back,
34:56
Speaker 1: is to say you don't have to respond to me,
34:59
Speaker 1: just listen. And then when you say that, when you
35:01
Speaker 1: get done, you do say any thoughts, what do you think, yeah,
35:05
Speaker 1: questions like, you give them an opportunity to respond, because
35:09
Speaker 1: just because you said they don't have to respond to
35:11
Speaker 1: you doesn't mean you don't make the offer, right.
35:13
Speaker 2: Right, But they can say no and then you're done
35:15
Speaker 2: for that moment.
35:16
Speaker 1: And they probably will say no, you know, because you
35:18
Speaker 1: know how that goes. But they may not. They might
35:20
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, thank you. I was wondering
35:22
Speaker 1: what that is, or you know, they may say the
35:24
Speaker 1: super gross and you're like, yeah, it's because you're a kid,
35:27
Speaker 1: so let's have it be super gross until you're like
35:29
Speaker 1: twenty six and your brain's fully developed. Probably do that mmmm. Yeah.
35:35
Speaker 2: And being open to the fact that you're not raising
35:40
Speaker 2: a mini version of yourself. So you can share your
35:45
Speaker 2: values with your kid, but you can't expect that your
35:48
Speaker 2: kid is going to have the exact same values, right,
35:52
Speaker 2: But we do. That's what we're taught to expect. And
35:56
Speaker 2: I just wanted to throw that in there too, because
35:57
Speaker 2: I think you know, so often we're like, well, you
36:00
Speaker 2: can't be that because I don't accept that. Well, that
36:04
Speaker 2: doesn't change who they are. I'm sorry, but that's not
36:06
Speaker 2: gonna change it. So you have to be open and
36:10
Speaker 2: open minded in all of this and all of parenting
36:14
Speaker 2: right and everything.
36:16
Speaker 1: And everything and everything. And that's the other thing too,
36:19
Speaker 1: Like you just said you don't have the same values
36:21
Speaker 1: as your parents, No one does. Like with the values,
36:25
Speaker 1: you want to give them a starting off place. Like
36:26
Speaker 1: I had a family, a couple say to me one time, Oh,
36:28
Speaker 1: we're not going to talk to our child about our
36:30
Speaker 1: values because we want them to develop their own values.
36:33
Speaker 1: And I was like, are you sure about that? I like,
36:38
Speaker 1: of course, your child's gonna develop their own values. But
36:41
Speaker 1: you know, you think your values are right, right, So
36:44
Speaker 1: you're gonna talk about what you believe, and then your
36:47
Speaker 1: kid's gonna do what they're gonna do, and so you
36:49
Speaker 1: can't control them. You can give them a starting place, right,
36:52
Speaker 1: and that's your job is to give them a starting
36:54
Speaker 1: place to make their own decisions. But they cracked and
36:56
Speaker 1: I was like, good luck with that. Yeah.
36:59
Speaker 2: I think on a ship that's going out on exploration,
37:03
Speaker 2: and you still have to have a captain, you still
37:05
Speaker 2: have to have a math, you still need information, right,
37:08
Speaker 2: but you're also exploring, Yes, And yeah, I love that.
37:12
Speaker 2: It's so important. Yeah, I love that. Great analogy. Tell
37:15
Speaker 2: everybody where they can find you online amy and where
37:18
Speaker 2: they can learn more, maybe work with you or learn
37:20
Speaker 2: from you.
37:21
Speaker 1: Yeah. So my website is Birds and Bees and Kids
37:24
Speaker 1: dot com and there is a ton of stuff there, resources,
37:29
Speaker 1: endless blog, bookstore with a specific section for parents or
37:32
Speaker 1: for nerdivergent kids, so you can get the books I've
37:35
Speaker 1: found there which I think are really important. And then
37:37
Speaker 1: I have a free download which is three key things
37:41
Speaker 1: your nerdivergent kid needs to know and three things for you.
37:45
Speaker 1: If you want to click on that, it'll sign you
37:47
Speaker 1: up for my newsletter specifically for parents of nerdivergent kids.
37:50
Speaker 1: And then I also have another resource online library for
37:54
Speaker 1: parents that's just everything you need to talk to nerdi
37:56
Speaker 1: virgent and nor typical kids about sex. And then all
37:59
Speaker 1: the socials Birds Bees kids so needed, and we're going
38:03
Speaker 1: to link all of that up in the show notes.
38:04
Speaker 2: Any books and things that you've talked about as we've
38:07
Speaker 2: had this conversation we'll be linked up there as well.
38:10
Speaker 2: Those show notes are at parentingadang and Autism dot com
38:13
Speaker 2: Slash two nine to seven for episode two hundred and
38:17
Speaker 2: ninety seven. And I thank you, thank you for being
38:21
Speaker 2: open to talking about these things and helping families and parents,
38:25
Speaker 2: and like you know, taking a little bit of the
38:28
Speaker 2: awkward out of it is so needed.
38:31
Speaker 1: Like I said, I was really dismayed to see the
38:34
Speaker 1: lack of resources for parents like you. I was so surprised,
38:38
Speaker 1: and I tried and tried to find stuff, so you know,
38:42
Speaker 1: and I just again appreciate you trusting me with your people.
38:45
Speaker 1: Good luck out there. Start small, can do this. No
38:48
Speaker 1: one's gonna die, no one's gonna throw up.
38:50
Speaker 2: Promise yeap, just three sentences. Start with three sentences and
38:53
Speaker 2: let everybody else the vcken like getting the ball rolling.
38:57
Speaker 2: I think sometimes it is the hardest thing, right, So
38:59
Speaker 2: if you just you a little bit, you'll be able
39:01
Speaker 2: to keep going later. Thank you so lovely to meet you,
39:05
Speaker 2: and I appreciate you, and I will see everybody on
39:08
Speaker 2: the next episode. Take good care. Thanks for joining me
39:13
Speaker 2: on the Beautifully Complex podcast. If you enjoyed this episode,
39:17
Speaker 2: please subscribe and share, and don't forget to check out
39:19
Speaker 2: my online courses and parent coaching at PARENTINGADHD and Autism
39:25
Speaker 2: dot com and at the Behavior Revolution dot com.