Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / _1.8 Billion Slush Fund Has J6ers Playing Victim _ Trump Creeps on Coast Guard Grad _ The Daily Show

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_1.8 Billion Slush Fund Has J6ers Playing Victim _ Trump Creeps on Coast Guard Grad _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: First off, it's graduation season, and I'd just like to
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: take a moment to shout out all the graduates watching.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the real world. It sucks! But yesterday, Trump
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: gave the commencement speech at the Coast Guard Academy, and
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: he had a different message for graduates. And that message was,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Daddy like it. We also have the only cadet who
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: earned a perfect score on.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Every single fitness session.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Wow, this guy must be something.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I think we'll have to invite him up.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: I want to check it out.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Thomas, get up here, please.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: I want to see.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I want to check him out.
• 0:37
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Look at this guy. Look at the muscles on this guy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: Just hit him on the shoulder.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: It hurt my hand.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: It's like hitting a rock. Well, we wanted Trump to
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: stop harassing women, and... I guess he found a loophole.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, is Trump a college sophomore? Because if
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you've been paying any attention recently, it looks like he's
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: been discovering something about himself. You are a handsome devil.
• 1:08
  Speaker 6: He's a good-looking guy.
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: Now, if you rip off the jacket, you'll see the
• 1:13
  Speaker 5: muscles are serious.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Boy, oh, boy, these are good-looking guys.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Look at the arms on him.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I'll give you a hug.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: You look so good. You're too good-looking to be a fighter.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: See, I consider all those guys back there with the
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: big muscles.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: And it's not my thing, but I consider them really
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: beautiful to me.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: He's so strong. He's those muscles. Okay, I'm just going
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to say it. The president needs to f * *
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: * a dude, all right? Just go for it, Mr. President.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not even saying you're gay. It just seems like
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: something you need to get out of your system, you know,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: like as a novelty thing. And don't worry about what
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: your supporters will think. You'll be fine. Your base will
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: love it. And your shaft. But Trump isn't just doing commencements.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: He's got a very busy weekend ahead of him. Maybe
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: too busy.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Are you having your son's wedding this weekend, by the way?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Uh, he'd like me to go. I'm gonna try and
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: make it. I'm-I'm in the midst. I said, you know,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: this is not good timing for me. I have a
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: thing called Iran and other things. Oh! And now I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: get why he started the war of Iran. To get
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: out John Jr. 's wedding. You should have just told
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: us that. We'd understand. Even Ayatollah's like, I get it.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: But to be fair, I also wouldn't want to go
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: to Don Jr. 's wedding if I was too old
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: to want to do cocaine, right? And besides, this is
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Don Jr. 's third fiance. Trump's probably like, if I
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: miss this wedding, I'll just catch the next one. So
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: fake news media, stop trying to get him with these
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: gotcha questions like, are you going to attend your son's wedding?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: The man's got important news about what's going on in Iran,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: and I want to pay attention.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: We have total control of the Strait of Hormuz, as
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: you know, with our blockade. The blockade's been 100% effective.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Nobody's been able to get things like the steel walls. Okay, okay,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I cannot pay attention.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I don't want to tell the White House how to
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: do their job, but is it possible that when the
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: president is speaking in the Oval Office, we don't have
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: a giant protruding belly button five inches from his face?
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is beneath
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: the dignity of the office, and it's a low bar. Like,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: can you at least blur it or something? I know
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: it's technically not indecent, but it's making me very uncomfortable.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, a tie would solve this, or maybe a sweater,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: or like 19 sweaters. Wait, wait, hang on a second.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Let me try something here. Oh, shit, it's coming right
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: at me. All right. OK, but let's move on to
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: something even more gross and harder to ignore, the Trump
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: administration's corruption. This week, we learned about the new $ 1. 8
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: billion slush fund for Trump allies who have supposedly been
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: targeted by the government. And now we're finding out who's
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: lining up at that MAGA slot machine.
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio said he plans on applying
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: for a payout. MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell says he also
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: is planning to file a claim.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Former Congressman George Santos and ex-Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Maybe
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Peter Navarro, maybe Steve Bannon.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: Adam Johnson, known better as the lectern guy, says he
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: will submit his claim as soon as this week.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Wow, that list is a real who's who of, oh yeah,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: that f * * * ing weirdo. All our favorite
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: characters are back. It's like the final episode of Seinfeld,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: except this time the soup Nazi is just an actual Nazi.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: But the money is not going to just big-name losers.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Some of it is going to losers you've never even
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: heard of.
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: Brandon Fellows was sentenced on felony and misdemeanor charges for
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: entering the Capitol on January 6th. Seen here in a
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: red beard costume... So the number.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I've put in is $ 30 million... $ 30 million for wearing
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: a mop on your face to Gen 6? How did
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: you arrive at that very reasonable number?
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: According to ChatGPT and Grok, I'm in at least the
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: 3% to 5% upper tier for how terrible and also
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: how strong of a case I have.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Grock told you that. I see. It's the
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: AI that's banned from coming within 500 feet of a
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: school and it's giving you legal advice. All right. Well,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: open and shut case for me. Anybody else have a
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: claim from January 6th?
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Rachel Powell, a mom of Ace and a grandmother to Ace,
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: spent three years under house arrest.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, three years of house arrest with eight kids and
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: eight grandkids. I don't care what you did. That is
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: cruel and unusual punishment. I mean, look at her. Look
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: at this sweet lady. Look at, she's, like, rolling some dough.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: What was her crime? Did she bring unauthorized muffins into
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: the Capitol? I want to hear her side.
• 6:22
  Speaker 6: A lot of people don't agree with what happened on
• 6:24
  Speaker 6: January 6th. But when you step back and you look
• 6:29
  Speaker 6: at somebody like me, for example, My major felony had
• 6:34
  Speaker 6: to be struck down by the Supreme Court. It's my
• 6:37
  Speaker 6: crime that day of breaking a window. Technically, that's a
• 6:39
  Speaker 6: misdemeanor charge.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Yes. When I see this woman trying to break into
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: the Capitol with a battering ram like an orc in
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: The Law of the Rings, I think that's someone who
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: deserves a payout. She was just in the wrong place
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: at the wrong time, with the wrong battering ram, breaking
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: the wrong window. It could happen to any of us.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: And I like how she's trying to pretend the window
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: she broke was just some random window. Like you're removing
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: some pretty important context, ma'am. It's like John Wilkes Booth saying, oh,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: so what, I'm getting a firing squad just because I
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: interrupted a play? America's cooked, man. Is there any voice
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: of reason who will call out how wrong this is? Like,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: any normal, not crazy person?
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: One person, though, who says he won't file a claim
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: is Jacob Chansley, the so-called QAnon shaman. He called the fund, quote,
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: blood money.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, I guess even a broken brain is right twice
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: a day. I mean, seriously, imagine if on Jan 6,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I asked you to guess who will be the voice
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: of reason on this. Would you have said the guy
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: dressed like a stripper who's also a buffalo? But I
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: guess this is a lesson to the rest of us
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Maybe
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: the QAnon shaman isn't as delusional as we thought.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: Jacob Chancellor, aka the QAnon shaman, told CNN that he
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: isn't going to participate in the fund because he's still
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: suing the government for $ 40 trillion.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: No! That's the last time I trust a shirtless man
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: in a raccoon hat! But if you're that angry that
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: your taxpayer money is going to go to people who
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: did Gen 6, let me reassure you, a ton more
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: people are going to get your money, too.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: In a memo released today, the DOJ said $ 1. 8 billion
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: was an appropriate amount for the fund, quote, given that
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: literally tens of millions of Americans could be eligible for payments.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, hang on a second. So tens of millions of
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: people means at least 20 million people, right? Because it's
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: tens of millions. It's not 10 million. So at minimum,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: it's 20 million people. So divide $ 1. 8 billion by 20 million.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: And that's like... 90 bucks a person, that's not gonna
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: help these people. That's barely two bags of crystal meth.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, when these people find out how little
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: they're getting, they're gonna be so pissed at the government.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: And you know what happens when they get pissed at
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: the government. The cycle continues. It's a... I guess it's
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: an infinite money glitch. But as it stands now, the
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: people who did Gen 6 could make a life-changing amount
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: of money. And already, there are companies out there looking
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: to help them manage their assets.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Wealth management can be as complicated as breaking the lock
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: on Nancy Pelosi's office door. But here at J6 Financial,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: we understand the challenges that newly rich capital rioters face,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: from taxes and alimony to Mar-a-Lago membership dues and Kid
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Rock tickets. We'll make sure your money lasts well into
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: the fifth Trump term, and we're here to answer any
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: any of your questions. Can my slush fund pay for
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: the child molestation charges I'm facing? We get that question
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And the answer
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: is yes.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: What about my retirement?
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: We can help Jan Sixers build toward all their retirement goals,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: whether that's dying in a shootout with the cops, being
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: blackmailed by an OnlyFans model, or overdosing on a supplement
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: you heard about on a podcast.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: So call us today.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: And no matter how much you've saved or what frightening
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: number of guns you have hoarded in your home, we'll
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: manage your money.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Wait, money management? How do I know you're not just
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: a bunch of Jews? J6 Financial. The only capital we'll
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: keep safe is yours.