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Strength to Equal Your Days-Who am I When Everything Changes · The Father's Business Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: The Father's Business was founded by Sylvia Gunter to encourage people to a deeper relationship with God.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Elizabeth Gunter Powell.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: And I am Kimberly Roddy.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Father's Business Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Welcome everybody to this week's podcast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: We're continuing our series from Strength to Equal your Days and today we want to ask the question who am I when everything changes?
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Kimberly, you know my life is full of a lot of life transitions and changes for my kids right now.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: We celebrated graduation, we've had a Mother's Day, we've had engagements.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Like all of the kids are growing up and moving on into different new phases of their life, and it does have all of us kind of asking ourselves what are our relationships with each other now as they're entering these new stages?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: And also, on a deeper level, who am I now that I'm not a mom taking care of a student, you know?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: And so all of us might be going through changes.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Some may be the expected passages of life that we know our children are going to grow up and leave one day.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: For others, it may be something more sudden.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: It could be you lose a job or you have a health diagnosis, but all of us are going to have times in life where, all of a sudden, our circumstances changes and what feels like it gets attacked is our identity.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: So we're talking today about happy changes, sad changes, all types of different changes, because even happy changes can be very disorienting, as we all try to figure out.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, who am I now in this new season?
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: So, as we have this conversation, elizabeth, I think we can start with two verses in Romans Romans 8, 15 through 17,.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: To give us some grounding, those verses Romans 8, 15 through 17, it says we'll start in verse 14.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: For those of you who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship as the backdrop because, like you said, share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I think it's critical to think of that as the backdrop because, like you said, often when change happens we ask ourselves questions like who am I now?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: What's going on?
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: What am I to be?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Who am I to become now?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: What's my role now?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Through all of it, we have to remember that in Christ we are still his children, we are still his sons, we are still his daughters.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Even though that identity doesn't change, that doesn't mean that our circumstances don't change and our feelings and our thoughts don't change.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: But if we can, just I want to read that here at the beginning to kind of keep that as the anchor as we move through this conversation, that if we are children then we are heirs, and so that's that grounding passage that reminds us we're God's children, not just in name only, but we're heirs with Christ, and so when life changes, we need to remember that right.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: We got to cling to it Absolutely and that is so easy.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: That's one of those things for me that's easy to say but harder to live, you know, because we do a lot of teaching around the Father's business about who we are in Christ and our identity being secure and God is our loving Father.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: But I can so relate to those questions of who am I now when a relationship changes or a job changes and it's not always hard things, sometimes it's good things but I remember a time, especially two different seasons in my life, where I had to really wrestle with this.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: When I moved to Romania long term in my 20s.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I really moved over there with a mindset of like, burn the ships, I'm here to stay, like this is what I was born to do, this is where I feel most alive, this is who God's called me to be.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And so I moved over there, packed and sent all my stuff over there as if I'm going to live here for the rest of my life.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: And I knew I needed to go into it with that mentality some so that I'd be fully present there, not thinking about what's going to happen if I go back to the States.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Well, four or five years into it.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I love living there.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I love the ministry.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: The ministry is booming over there.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Everything's going great and all of a sudden I start sensing that my time is coming to a close.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: And I remember very specifically being at a weekend retreat for women leaders and I was just praying and asking God to tell me, you know kind of, what's on your heart today for these women, what do you want to say to them?
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't an audible voice, but it was a different sense of his guidance that I just felt you need to speak to them like you want to leave your final words of wisdom Like this is the last time you're going to be speaking to them, because it is.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, that's pretty heavy.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: But I did and I kind of gave a final challenge of if we don't gather again like this, here's what I'd want you to know Within six months.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: It was very clear to me that my time was up in Romania and I'm moving back home.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: But I had gone into that season saying this is who I am, this is who I was born to be, and now all of a sudden it's over, like they're doing great, they've taken over the ministry and that's fabulous.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: But who am I if the place I said I was born to be, and this is my passion and my life calling, has just ended?
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: And it was a really hard struggle for me to kind of figure that out and I kind of came home and felt a little lost for a while.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: But then God started developing the whole concepts that we now teach at Ruach Journey in my heart and my spirit.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And so then we created this conference rock journey and it's going great and you, kimberly, are part of our team and we're leading conferences and people are saying this is so life changing.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden I felt the same thing again, which is your parents' health issues are starting to get bigger and bigger.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Just, you need to take a pause.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: And so we thought, I thought we were taking maybe a year, a year or two off just to kind of figure out what do I need to do to help take care of my parents.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Well then a pandemic hits and the entire world shuts down.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us went through these feelings of, okay, who, who am I if I'm not doing all the normal things that I do?
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And it really was a struggle for me because I felt like I was completely out of ministry quote unquote ministry.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: What I thought ministry was as far as leading conferences and speaking and doing things, and I was solely focused on caring for both of my parents, as both of them were dealing with health issues, and it didn't feel like very fulfilling to me.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was an honor to take care of them, but it didn't feel like the same thing as a Christian ministry speaking and doing these types of things.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: And I really had to struggle of who am I really when everything is stripped away?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: And so I mean, those are just two examples from my life, but I think all of us will go through seasons of time for either good or bad.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm thinking of we just celebrated Mother's Day.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking of women who become moms and some of them choose to stay home and take care of the baby and that transition from being active and fulfilled in work to now you're home and it's great, you love your child, but at the same time, it can feel your world feels a little small sometimes.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Or, as we talked about at the beginning, you know the seasons of when our kids grow up and move off and don't need us as much anymore.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: There's so many different ways that we can find ourselves in places of being in need of really understanding who we are in Him versus what we do.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: So I'll ask you, kimberly have there been seasons in your life where you have had to kind of think through who you are in your circumstances versus who you are in?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: your identity.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Sure, I think, just like you were saying, for me it's also been that ministry piece of being in full-time ministry or believing that I was going to be in full-time ministry forever in a particular role, right, and then those things changing.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they change because people change that decision for you or change your life.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Sometimes people lose their jobs and that changes things.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you're brought about because you sense in you that there needs to be a change, but you don't know what that looks like.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: And I know for me.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I had moved around a lot after college and taken some different roles and positions, and then when I moved to Virginia, I didn't think I'd be in Virginia that long either, just because that had been the pattern.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: But then I was here and and I was here and I kept staying here and I was here and before I knew it, nine years had gone by and I had been in youth ministry at this one particular church and I never knew that I would get close to being 10 years somewhere and at the same time I'd had a stirring for a while that something needed to shift, but I didn't know what that looked like, and so it was scary.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: And I remember when I left my job at the church there I said I'm terrified and I'm thrilled all at the same time, and so I think that was one of those changes.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: That was scary because I didn't know exactly what was coming next, but it was also exciting because I could sense that there was something coming next.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Now it didn't get clear for a while, and in the midst of that transition there were a ton of identity questions that came up.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: If you've listened to our series on the spiritual gifts, you'll know that I'm a giver.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Or if you've come to the Rewind Journey, you'll know I'm a giver.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: And so one of the aspects of a giver is they don't like to be boxed in.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And so I never really wanted to say that I was doing student ministry forever, but at the same time I wanted to say, hey, I've done student ministry forever, yeah, right.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: And so there's I can.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I know people are like how can you say both of those?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm a giver, you can.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: And I genuinely felt both of them Like when I was leaving student ministry, I kind of had those thoughts of, well, who am I going to be now?
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: What's my world going to look like?
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: And I had questions around it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I also had a sense of peace around it because I knew that I didn't need to be that forever, that didn't need to define me.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I knew the truth of that, but it also can be a little unearthing.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Last week we talked a lot about roots and trees and how those roots sometimes are in the hard seasons and they're growing us and they're causing us to go deeper, and so I knew deep in my spirit that I didn't need my job or my ministry to identify me, but it doesn't mean that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I think all of us wrestle with that.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: I don't think that there's a person on the planet who can't say, to some degree, their role or their identity defines them.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: So I think it's a human condition, it's a human issue, a human concern.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: And so I do know, though, that as I walked through that season, I had to kind of reshape my view, or my.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I had to reshape my definition of ministry for me, because for a long time I felt like, well, now I'm not working in a church, I don't really have, I formed my own business, so I'm not really in ministry anymore.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And then I had to recognize no, kimberly, the heart of what you are still doing through your business is ministry, whether people even realize it or not at times.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's what connects me to that reality that we're talking about, of like who God has made me to be, my heart, as I use that phrase, is the core.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Like for me it happens to be ministry.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: For someone else it could be science and being a doctor, it could be interest in history and politics and being in law or whatever right.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Like it doesn't just for me.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: That's my story.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: So I don't want to, I don't want to super elevate ministry.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I think it's important, but so are all these other jobs that people have and passions and careers.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: But for me, I had to recognize the passions and the heart that God has given me.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: To do conflict resolution, to help people manage conflict in their lives better, to help their relationships be better, was still a heart of ministry.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: It was still who God?
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: had made me to be so.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Just because I didn't have a certain job or role or title anymore didn't change who God had created me to be.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I totally get that and see that.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't know all the details, of course, because your clients are confidential, but I know the types of people that you are helping and I was like who better than you to meet them in some of their darkest, hardest relationship places and try to help them get to a place of peace?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: That is a beautiful form of ministry.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: All of us are doing ministry a whole lot more of the time and I appreciate what you're saying there, kimberly, because it's hard sometimes, because people are like, oh, you're in ministry.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean loving your family well, is ministry.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Showing up at your job and doing your job to the glory of God is ministry.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Taking concern for a coworker is ministry.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: There's a thousand different things that are ministry and I think it is so important.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Going back to what you're talking about, about what we do is a part of our identity and I think, especially in our culture.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, as you're saying, that what's one of the first questions you ask somebody when you meet them?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, hi, elizabeth, what do you do?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: And it's you know, it's that what do I do defines who I am and in some ways, it'll help you understand my passions, because I do not like blood and guts and gore and so I am not going to be a doctor or anything in the medical field, because I would just pass out basically is what would happen.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But other people that are very passionate about that go into those types of industries, right?
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: So it does say something about who I am by the occupation I choose.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: But my occupation and my circumstances don't define me, and I think that's what, going back to the verses you were talking about in Romans 8, is so core is that our core identity isn't earned and it's not assigned by our circumstances.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: It's received Because you read those verses and they're so beautiful.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: It's given to us by our circumstances.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: It's received because you read those verses and they're so beautiful.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: It's given to us by our Father.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: And so if we find ourselves in a season of transition, from either loss or joy, something new beginning, or a season is coming to an end, or the uncertainty of a circumstance, it doesn't change who you are.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: God says who you are, not the circumstances you find yourself in.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: But that is a very hard thing to kind of hold on to.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: So why don't you just remind us, kimberly, kind of the bullet points again, of what is Roman 8, trying to help us understand and live with.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Sure, I think, if we look at that passage in Romans 8, the first thing we see is that we're not a slave to fear.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Right at the beginning of verse 15, it says the spirit you receive does not make you a slave so that you live in fear again.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: So we are not a slave to fear.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And so let me highlight some of what this verse says.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: And then I have a practical application of this that I'm thinking about.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I think the second thing that we can see from Romans 8 is you're adopted into God's family.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: It clearly says, right there, you're adoption to sonship.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: The spirit you received brought you into adoption.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: You belong to him.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: So therefore, fourth point, you get to call him Abba, father, mm-hmm, because you belong to him.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: And then, lastly, it says we are heirs of his promises.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: And when I think about the reality of this, I work with people who are believers, I work with people who are not believers.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I work with people who are not believers yet, and yet the message is, and their issues are still the same, because it's human, we're human, and if I think about some of the people I've been talking to lately, the message that I'm still giving people and I have to give this to myself as I'm giving it to them, which is one thing I love and hate about my job at the same time.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Remember, I'm working with people who are in conflict, so I'm saying to them so.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: I'm saying to them you can't let the other person be the weight of your identity.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Right, and so even a conversation I had this morning was hey, look, you can certainly explain to the other person, tell the other person how you're feeling, but you can't require them to meet those needs.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: That's not a relationship, and you're here in my office with me because your relationship's broken, it's deteriorating, and so the phrase that I often use when I'm speaking is whenever you ask someone to do that for you, whenever you ask someone to meet your needs or to identify you in a relationship, in a human relationship, then that's a train wreck waiting to happen.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because what happens is if you ask someone, if you require or demand that someone meet your needs, whether you do it intentionally, outright, you're demanding them, or it passive-aggressively, and expecting them to meet your needs and to identify you.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: When you do that, you one.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: If they respond to that, then they're doing it out of duty or obligation.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Potentially you're demanding, and then they feel abused or gaslit or whatever term you want to use that's popular these days.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: If you do that, you're turning to someone that's a broken cistern that we refer to.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: You're looking to someone who can't fill you up ultimately to do something that God was designed to do, in the end, you still have a broken relationship.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like, all these people that I work with are constantly like I need the other person to do this, I need the other person to do this.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Why can't they?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Why can't they and I go?
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: What's going to happen if they do?
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: At the end of the day, if they give that to you, what's going to change?
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Hmm, because the only way that's going to work is if two people in a human relationship are actually saying I'm looking to someone bigger than you God in my paradigm.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Right, I need God to identify me, because if God doesn't identify me, if I don't draw my strength and my courage and my sense of self-worth and my sense of being and hope and everything from God, then you are going to fail me.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: The human on the other side is going to fail you because we're human.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: We actually have been told since Genesis that we are going to fail.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: We are stuck in a fallen world, we are going to fail.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: That doesn't mean that two people can't grow together.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: That doesn't mean I mean, trust me, like.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: There are beautiful pieces of relationships that I see as well and that I long to see, which are when someone says, hey, I would really, I really like let's change the word from I need this from you to I'd really like to have this.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I'd really like for you to offer me this, I'd really like for you to offer me acceptance in our relationship, I'd really like for you to offer me help in our relationship, or whatever.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: It is right.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: You can ask someone to offer you something and they can give that to you because they love you and they care about you.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: They still may not give it to you in the way you need it, but that need can't be the defining point.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, does any of that make sense?
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes sense, it makes a lot of sense.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: And then thinking about it in the context of either a marriage or even your closest best friends, close friendship relationships that you have, that is a very tricky balance.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: To maintain pure love, that I belong, that I'm accepted, all of these things, and you're right, when I ask a human being to do that, I'm putting a weight on that human being.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: They cannot bear.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: That weight is supposed to be on the everlasting father, who is bigger than all of creation.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: He has the ability to carry the weight of a need for identity of everyone on the planet all at the same time.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: And so that's easy for my mind to understand.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: But the problem is my husband, my best friend, whoever I'm close to, and I'm looking for them to be the ones to give me that.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: They're here and they have skin on and they're much more accessible in my mind.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: And so you do.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: You have to kind of keep an eye on it.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: And it's that balance of.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: We do need to speak words of life and encouragement to each other.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: We do need to be there for the people in our lives that we care for, but when I start to put too much weight on them is when the problem comes, like the train wreck that you're talking about, and that is a tricky one to do, and I think that's why we have to keep coming back to the truths of understanding that we are adopted by him, we belong to him, we are accepted by him, and anything I get from my husband, my friends, my children, that is like gravy.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You know that is just the whipped cream on top of the cake or whatever, but it cannot be the foundation of where my identity comes from.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Because even if you have a great family and your kids love you and you love your kids and there's no rebellion, I mean you are just the perfect family and there's no rebellion.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I mean you are just the perfect family At some point those kids are going to leave and move on and they're going to get their own significant person and maybe have their own kids and create their own family system.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And then what are you left with if you've built your entire identity around?
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I am loved because my children love me, or I am loved because my spouse loves me and so I love that.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: God gave us the gift of relationships and I think he wanted Adam and Eve to have that wonderful relationship in the garden.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: And then sin entered the picture.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And then that's where the problem came in, because I would love to have that feeling that Adam and Eve had of having complete acceptance, love like the purest of all feelings, of their relationship between them and God, with nothing in the way causing any kind of static on the line, and also being able to enjoy one another and I know one day we will get back there and healthy relationships are working more and more every day towards that.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: But wouldn't it be amazing if we could be intentional to focus in on learning to live from our identity, not from our circumstances, our relationships, but in Him, and enjoy just a taste of that?
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: now was as you were talking, I'm thinking, okay, we started this podcast by saying who am I when everything changes?
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't always ask the question who am I when everything's fine?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good question too.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: We don't think about it.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, someone asks us and we answer it Like we all have insecurities, like I've never been married.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: And so when I'm in a situation where I know people expect that I'm married and they say, well, are you married?
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: And I have to say no, then I'm hit with, oh yeah, that insecurity of I'm less than, like you can be side attacked from the enemy or whatever.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Internally right, but truly in the midst of the day to day, I don't really think about who I am.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I just live in it and I go through it.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: But when there's conflict or change, then I start to question it.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: And so that's where it is hard.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: You're exactly right.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: It's hard to receive it, not just believe it in your head.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: It's hard to really receive it because you're in the midst of the change or the conflict.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, and so that's where the rubber meets the road.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: We always say things like this If we can remember who God is and who we are in him, then when those storms, then when that conflict, then when those changes come, we're grounded, we're rooted.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: But it doesn't mean that we don't wrestle, it doesn't mean that we don't blow like the tree still blows.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Sure it's not going to be tumbled over because it's grounded in Christ.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: We're still going to be in turmoil to a certain degree, and so part of what we're trying to say right now, I think, is it's okay to wrestle, but can we wrestle with the grounding as a reality?
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Can we wrestle with knowing firmly who I am and I'll say this like I can see this the difference in my clients who don't know Jesus and I have a couple I'm working with who they admittedly say we don't have want, need.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: They have some different words they use, but they are not, admittedly not in a relationship with Jesus the difference that I see in them.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I try to point them to these principles, but it's so much harder for them to grasp it and hang on to it because they're still screaming for where they get their identity from.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: In particular, when I have a client who doesn't know Jesus and they're divorcing, they're really struggling with.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Well, now this other person can't meet my needs, yeah, other person can't use the cheesy phrase complete me, yeah, yeah, and so then what's the next thing?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna look at my job and they admit that they're like okay, when we were, they didn't just reach divorce overnight.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: So that's fair to say.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Well, as we've been growing apart, as our relationships grown worse, I've drowned myself in my job.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: That's been my coping mechanism.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: I have found another relationship.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: That has been my coping mechanism, or my children have been my coping mechanism.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: And so in all of those things that's where I go back to we're putting a burden on all of those things that can't bear the weight your children can't bear, the weight of defining you.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: No, your job can't bear that weight.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Your job could be taken away tomorrow.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Your kids could be taken away tomorrow.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: God forbid you know, but like all of these places we hear that voice that says you're not enough, you don't matter without this role, you don't matter without this person.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: And as unbelievers, where do they turn from there?
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but as believers, we get to turn to Romans 8 as an example.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: What does my father say about me.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: He says you're not a slave to fear.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: You're adopted into my family, you belong to me, you get access to me and you get to call me Abba and you are an heir of my promises.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Speak that truth over you, write it down, continue to cling to and ruminate on the scriptures that say this is who you are, because this conflict is real.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Divorce happens, death happens, dis disappointments happen.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Hey, there's your three D's right there.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Right, your three big D's.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Those things happen, as well as just everyday, normal changes that we want to celebrate of a kid getting engaged, a kid getting married, a kid growing up, a kid fleeing the nest, like you want that.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: At the same time, you're like wait now, who am I?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Exactly yeah, and we all need anchors to hold on to.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: As you're describing all that, I was like, yeah, these are the roots we were talking about last week with the tree, and you can't wait till circumstances change.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: The storm comes.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Whatever metaphor you want to use, you can't wait to be in the conflict to go, okay, now I need anchors or okay, now I need roots.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: And so I think, kind of circling back to what we were talking about last week, some of those places that God takes us through, some of those valleys that he takes us through, are preparing us for things that we don't even understand what we need them for.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: There have been seasons in my life before now where I had to wrestle with who am I really at my core?
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Because, kimberly, I was also in that phase of.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: You know I didn't get married until I was in my 30s and everyone you know they would ask you you know so, are you married?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: And I would say no, and sometimes they'd look at you like you just told them you have a disease, because you know, all good Christian girls get married in their 20s.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: And at the same time I really had a deep longing, like I have dreamed of being married since I was in high school, kind of thing.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: It's just part of how I'm wired and how I wanted to be, and so I had my own grief brewing and having to answer that question and feeling like I'm not enough because I don't have a, I'm not normal because I don't have a, I'm not normal because I don't have a husband, that I can't.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: All those seasons that God took me through where he had to strip me of everything, whether it's ministry or whether or not I'm married or my job, and just say I am enough because God says I am enough, not because of what circumstance or life stage I find myself in, those hard seasons were times where those roots were growing so that, as these changes come, some expectantly and some unexpectedly, I do have the anchors.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: And so I think a kind of encouragement to the people that are listening to this podcast would be is you need to be rehearsing now, you need to be.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: That's that concept of abiding, of coming to him and keep on coming and learning of him, taking his yoke upon you, learning who he is and who you are in him.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Now, in the seasons where it is fine I love the question you asked, kimberly, like who am I when I'm fine?
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Well, when I'm fine, it's real easy to forget about needing to nurture and grow the roots of my identity in Him because life's going well.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: But I need to be growing it in the fine seasons of life so that when the changes come, I'm ready for it.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: You know, elizabeth, as you're saying, that I often think about this when I'm sharing with friends or clients or whomever the idea of really clinging to the anchor of Christ being your identity.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I often think, man, I'm so grateful that I I'm not going to say figured it out, because I'm still figuring it out, but I'm so grateful that in my twenties really, I during that whole decade, not just some of it, that whole decade and into my thirties, right into my early thirties, I had to wrestle with this and I'm so grateful that God put me in places and surrounded me with relationships that allowed me to really know, without a doubt, that I am Christ, I am his, I'm his daughter, I'm his covenant daughter, I'm his child, I'm his beloved.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Now, that didn't come through easy things.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I lost my dad in my 20s.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: I had a lot of different transitions through life and job, different locations.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I was moving, different.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: It was a hard season in some ways, and yet now I can look back and go.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I know that those things were growing my roots deep and making the roots stronger.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: And yet sometimes, because that happened in my twenties and I'm not in my twenties anymore, I can forget that journey.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: And so I just look at people and go cling to the truth.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Cling to the truth.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: They're like I don't know what the truth is Right.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: And so I think these conversations are good because they bring us back to the basics of the truth.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: And so maybe you're someone like Elizabeth and I who have walked this journey and you're living it out and you've been living it out for a while, maybe even longer than us and you've got a story to share.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: You've got a ministry to have to people, no matter your vocation, no matter your location, no matter where you are.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: You know, or maybe you're in that season of like.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know what this looks like.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to cling to an identity in Christ, I don't know how to really believe I'm His covenant son, I'm His covenant daughter.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I'm just not there yet.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: That's why we're here, that's why we're saying what we're saying, that's why we offer the podcast week after week, is because it's for all of you, it's for all of us, so that if you don't know how to cling to this identity, how to stop running to broken cisterns, we can encourage you in that.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: We've been there, we still go there, and we try to share that and be honest and open with you and invite you into these conversations and into sitting with us on the couch in the living room just to have these conversations and these dialogues, to know that we're all in this journey together.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: We may be on different places, but we want to encourage those of you that have been doing this for a while to keep doing it, and we want to encourage those of you who aren't yet sure how to get there.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: So maybe there's a couple of questions for you to consider right now.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Maybe you ask yourself where have I based my identity?
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: On my circumstances or on my roles?
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I think that that is a deep and profound question to ask, kimberly.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: It sneaks in in very subtle ways.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: I remember one time you and I were together.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I said to you well, if I was a good daughter, I would.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: And then I told you something that I would go do and you're like you don't have.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: You can choose to do that, you don't have to do that, but why does that define you as being a good daughter?
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: And in that moment you were just right there for me to go hold up.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Hold up a minute.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: One, your identity is not based on your behavior.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: And two, do you even hear the way you're thinking about yourself?
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: In that moment I was trying to base my identity of I am a good if I do these things for these people in this role, and so it's very subtle and it slides in there so quickly, and so I think it's great to ask ourselves that question.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Also, people around us that can help kind of go hey, you're good because God says you're good, not because of what you do.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Now you can choose to go do that for them or not, but that's not going to be who you are.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think another question that you can ask yourself is what does it mean to live from my true identity as God's beloved child?
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Like, really wrestle with that.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: What does it mean?
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: What's it look like If you can think about what, like I said earlier, when you're in conflict, when you're in change, you know, you're aware of, like something is unsettled and you've got a good picture of what that looks like and what the messages are and what you don't like and what you want to change.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Think about the other side of that, even theoretically.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: What does it mean if you were to live from your true identity as God's beloved child?
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: What would change?
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: How would that look different?
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: Look at Romans 8.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: We've talked about strength.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Equal your days is a wonderful devotional to point you to who God is and to allow you to pray.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: Blessings, speak blessings over yourself, and revealing the treasures.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: There's lots of resources that the Father's Business provides and other resources where you can say I can't find it, but I can open Scripture, and if I don't even know where to open Scripture, I can open up.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Revealing the treasures is a perfect one.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: It lays it out so clearly.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: When you can lay that out and you can say here's my identity as God's beloved child.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: What's that mean?
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: Really wrestle with that.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Do a middle-of-the-page exercise where you ask God to help you understand what that looks like.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: And if you don't know what a middle-of-the-page exercise is, I could probably refer you back to another episode, but I'm not sure which one.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: That is right now, so I'll tell you real quick.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: It's just taking a blank piece of paper and asking God a question in the middle of the page and journaling around it.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: That's the simple synopsis?
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think another good way to come at that question is if I truly, like, deep down at my core, understood I am a beloved child of God, what would change?
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Are there certain behaviors?
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Are there certain beliefs?
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Are there certain reactions?
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I have to things that would be different if I truly, truly, deep down in my core, believe that I am a covenant daughter of God, most high and deeply loved, and that's a mirror I don't often want to hold up in front of myself because that takes some examination to go.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Ok, where am I living in?
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Less than yes, I believe I'm loved by God, but in these particular areas of my life or in these kind of reactions I'm having in this relationship, that's not what's coming through.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: So again, a lot of times it's easier to go to God and He'll gently point out to you using scripture or your own prayer time with Him.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: He can very gently reveal to you okay, you're doing great in these areas over here.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: But over here we might be leaning a little bit too much towards a broken cistern, because it says that the spirit is there to comfort and to guide and to teach us and instruct us, and so God wants us to live from the fullness of our identity in him, regardless of our circumstances, so much more than we want to, and so it's about taking the time to lean into Him and ask of Him how can I be more in the center of your love today?
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: How can I live more as the beloved today and less as a slave to fear?
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: And so now we just want to end our time on our podcast praying over you.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: So, father, remind us who we are when everything around us changes.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Remind us that we are yours, that we are seen, known and loved, even when things feel unsteady.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: Anchor us to your word, to your truth.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: May your spirit testify with our spirit that we are children of God.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: May your spirit testify with our spirit that we are children of God.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: And, father, I ask that you would help us to learn how to live more in the center of your belovedness.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: You have spoken in your word that it's true that we are yours and you are ours.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I am my beloved and he is mine, and so would you teach us what it looks like, today and every day, to live from the center of your belovedness.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: And, father, I ask that you would be our shield from the lies of the enemy that would try to cause us to live in less than who we are, to feel that we are in some way not enough or we're too much.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: And, god, I ask that you would come, not only for us, for our listeners, but for all the members of their families, the relationships around them.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Could all of our relationships begin to look more like that model of Adam and Eve in the garden, where we are so saturated with the love from you filling us and then overflowing to the people around us?
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: We truly want to be people of your kingdom.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: We truly want to be people of your kingdom.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: We truly want to be people that speak words of blessing and life to each other.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: So, father, we can't do it without you.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: So, father, son and Holy Spirit, will you come and align us spirit, soul and body with you today and allow us to live in your place of belovedness.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: We pray all this in your name, amen, amen.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I want to thank you for listening to the Father's Business Podcast.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: This podcast is made possible through donations by people like you.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: To donate, go to wwwTheFathersBusinesscom.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Be sure to follow us at the Fathers Biz on Instagram and Facebook.