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Transcript

Symphony of Parenting: Building Consistency as a Single Parent · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 71.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Over the next few weeks, I will be dedicating a series of episodes on how to navigate the beautiful chaos of solo parenting.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Today, I want to dive deep into a topic that can feel like a Herculean task consistency.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: It's a word we hear a lot, especially in parenting circles.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: But what does it mean, especially when you're a single parent, and even more so when the other parent isn't on the same page?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Let's be real Co-parenting with someone who mirrors your consistency is like finding a unicorn riding a bicycle.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: More often than not, we're dealing with differing approaches, schedules that clash and sometimes, frankly, a lack of follow-through from the other parent.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: So what does consistency even look like in this context?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Well, first, it's not about demanding the other parent change.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: It's not about controlling their actions.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: It's really about you.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: It's about creating a stable, predictable environment for your child, regardless of what happens outside of your home.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: It's about being the anchor in their storm and the steady beat to their music.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: You see, in this context, consistency is about showing up.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It's about keeping your promises, setting clear expectations and enforcing reasonable boundaries.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: It's about being a predictable, reliable presence in your child's life, even when everything else feels chaotic and, trust me, it feels chaotic.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: But you see, there's also this emotional side.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Being the consistent parent, especially when the other parent isn't, can be emotionally taxing.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: It can bring up feelings of resentment, anger and even grief.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: You might feel like you're carrying the entire load, and you probably are.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You might even feel hurt when your child expresses a preference for the other parent's fun but inconsistent approach.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: These feelings are valid, absolutely valid, but don't try to suppress them.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Acknowledge them, process them and find healthy ways to cope with them.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: We'll talk more about that in a little bit.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: The truth is, being consistent is often the harder path.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: It requires patience, resilience and a whole lot of self-control, but the rewards of seeing your child feel secure and loved are immeasurable.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: So how do we actually do this?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: How do we cultivate consistency amidst the whirlwind of single parenthood?
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Well, I've got six tips today tailored for just you, today's divorced parents.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Number one prioritize and simplify.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: You can't be consistent with everything all the time.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: It's too much, you can't do it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Choose a few key areas to focus on.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's bedtime routines, homework routines, meal schedule.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Start small and build from there.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Please don't try to overhaul everything at once.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Remember it's progress, not perfection.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: We just want to get into a consistent routine.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Number two make sure that the routines are clear and that you establish them as such, because children thrive on routine.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: It provides a sense of security and predictability.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Create age-appropriate routines for daily activities like getting ready for school, mealtimes and bedtime.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes even a visual schedule can be especially helpful for younger children I mean even teenagers benefit from a predictable rhythm to their days.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: You might post it on a whiteboard in the kitchen so you see it every day.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's on the refrigerator somewhere where they see it every single day.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Number three communicate effectively with your child, not necessarily the other parent.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Talk to your child about the routines and expectations of your household.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Explain why they're important.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Involve them in the process of creating some of these routines when possible.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: This gives them a sense of ownership and makes them more likely to cooperate.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Number four be flexible but firm.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Life happens, things come up.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Be prepared to adjust routines when necessary, but try to maintain the core structure as much as possible.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: If you have to deviate from the plan, communicate the changes to your child in advance.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: If you can, the changes to your child in advance, if you can.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Again, life happens.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: We can't always do that and that's okay.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Number five if you are a parent of small kids or kids still in school, document everything, because this is especially crucial in co-parenting situations.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: You keep a record of schedules, agreements and any changes.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: This can be invaluable if disagreements arise later.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: It also helps you to stay organized and on track.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Shared online calendars or co-parenting apps can be a great tool for this.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: And finally, number six In reality it should be number one, but it's number six today.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: But probably the most important is practice self-care.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: This is a non-negotiable.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: You can't pour from an empty cup.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Consistency requires energy, patience and an emotional resilience.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're taking care of your own needs, whether it's a few minutes of quiet time each day, a workout connecting with friends.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: It prioritizes self-care.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: It's not selfish.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: It's essential for your mental well-being.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I know this journey isn't easy.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: There will be days when you feel like you're failing and days when you want to throw in the towel.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Those days are normal and it's okay to not be perfect.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: It's okay to ask for help If you're struggling.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Please know you're not alone.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: There are resources available to support you.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Talk to a therapist, find a counselor or support group for single parents.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly validating and empowering, especially those who've walked this road and are on the other side.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: They have untapped wisdom and they are happy to share what worked and what didn't work.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Remember you are strong, you are capable and you are doing an amazing job, even on the days when it doesn't feel like it.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Your consistency, your love and your presence are making a difference in your child's life.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Difference in your child's life.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Keep showing up, one day at a time.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Next week, join me as we continue our series on the symphony of parenting, as we discuss the art of not talking trash about your ex.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: You won't want to miss it.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I'll get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you.