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The Weight of Overwhelm: Learning to Breathe Again · Business for Humans

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  I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
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  On today's episode, I talk about overwhelm, what it is, how to manage it,
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  and why it's important to admit you're experiencing it.
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  I offer practical insights on how to work through overwhelm so that you stop
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  trying to prove yourself and instead have more calm and success in your business and life. Enjoy.
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  Well hello welcome back today
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  we are talking about overwhelm and how
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  it relates to burnout and
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  just everything else and i know that a lot of people
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  are kind of allergic to that word overwhelm when
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  i bring it up with clients and i say it sounds
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  like you're overwhelmed they're very defensive
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  like no I'm not overwhelmed I'm
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  just stressed and tired and not
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  able to motivate and having a hard
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  time focusing on my priorities but I'm not overwhelmed I'm just getting emotional
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  in meetings and I can't figure out what is the best place where I should focus
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  my energy like everything feels like it's on top of one another like I'm pretty
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  sure that's the definition of overwhelm,
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  but we get defensive about it because overwhelm makes it seem like,
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  that word makes it seem like somehow we're failing.
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  And we don't like to fail. And I think this is something that my coach talked
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  to me about, this idea of not wanting to fail. It's a big one for me personally. I'm super competitive.
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  I'm also very competitive with myself, which means that I do not want to fail.
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  I want to do something for the first time, and I want to be able to do it perfectly.
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  I want to do everything well. Maybe perfect is not even the right word to use.
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  I just want to be able to pick it up and do it well.
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  I don't want to drop balls. I don't want people to feel like I'm not focused,
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  that I'm not present, that I'm not organized.
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  I really want to show up in a way that presents professionalism and clarity.
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  And I don't want to be someone who seems like they could fail at something.
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  But in reality, we can't do everything well.
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  And I know your brain is like, oh, but I can, because that's where my brain goes. Well, I can.
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  But the truth is when we're feeling overwhelmed, when we're feeling like there
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  are too many things to try to manage, and we are dropping balls and then we're
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  getting defensive about dropping those balls and then we're really,
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  running away from the truth and
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  the truth is we can't handle it all and
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  we do need to pause and we do need to reflect on what the highest priorities
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  are that first step is accepting i feel overwhelmed it's too much for me right
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  now and allowing ourselves to not believe that,
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  means somehow we're a failure.
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  It's okay. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to reprioritize.
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  It's okay to make decisions that are different than the decisions you made previously.
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  So if you're running a business and you decided you wanted to work with one niche,
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  one type of client, and somehow it's not feeling aligned and you keep pushing,
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  pushing, pushing to make it work, but it's not working,
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  But if you give it up, if you drop this focus of your business,
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  you're going to feel like a failure. So you just keep pushing.
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  That's not better. It's okay to just stop and take a pause and look at all the things on your plate.
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  I have a client who has a lot going on in her personal life.
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  And she is very emotional in our calls.
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  And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm here for it. but what
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  I can see that's happening is she's
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  pushing herself harder at work because the
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  stuff in her personal life feels out of control so she
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  wants to control the things happening at
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  work and it's just not working she has
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  a team and she has people who work differently than she does and they have a
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  different vision for things and a different style and that's all good we want
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  teams who have a variety of ways of working and different points of views and
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  different ways of looking at a problem.
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  And if you're a manager who's trying to really control and micromanage that
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  process and tell everybody that they have to do things a certain way,
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  you're going to lose a lot of motivation and productivity, and you're going
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  to lose a lot of creativity.
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  And I don't care what business you're in. Creativity is always a benefit because
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  it means that people are looking at problems and ways to solve problems in new ways. That's creative.
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  You don't have to be an artist to be creative. It's about creative problem solving.
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  You want that from your team and if your world is feeling chaotic and you're
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  feeling overwhelmed but you don't want to admit it, then you're going to try
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  to get control wherever you can.
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  And a lot of people do that in their business because it's theirs.
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  And it feels like a place where they should have control.
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  But control is not the aim.
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  That's not what we're trying to do here. Life happens.
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  We had a tree fall down in our yard. Did I talk about this last week?
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  We were about to go out to dinner and a tree fell in our yard.
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  You know, what are you going to do?
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  You can't control it. I would have liked to control the wind and make it not
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  break the tree because it was a freaking hassle.
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  So many steps, and I didn't have time, of course.
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  But there is no way I'll be able to control the weather and there is no way
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  I'll be able to control other circumstances that are going to happen to me personally
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  and to my business and also to my team, right?
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  It may happen that something happens in someone's personal life and it's really
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  inconvenient to the business.
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  Well, you know what? We can't control that.
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  We have to be ready for all those circumstances.
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  Which means we have to have tools and resilience and ways of working through
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  overwhelm that are not denial or control.
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  So what are those ways? The first way is just admitting. It's like AA.
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  Admitting that you're overwhelmed. It's okay. Give yourself permission to say,
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  I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
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  I need to have a hard no on that ask.
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  And I have a hard no sometimes with my husband. He actually encouraged me to
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  have more hard no's because I was saying yes to things and then being resentful,
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  which is like the number one thing I coach on.
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  Don't say yes, unless it's a wholehearted yes, because it's really unfair to
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  people when you say yes, and then you're half in it, and you're pissed or frustrated or resentful.
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  So don't do that to people. It's just not fair. I was doing it all over the
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  place in my personal life. I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
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  And then I was mad. And all the yeses were creating massive amounts of overwhelm.
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  So the first thing you want to do is say, I am feeling overwhelmed.
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  What are the things I can drop temporarily?
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  It's not that you're going to drop it forever, but is there something that you
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  can drop right now immediately, like really right now, that will release some
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  of that feeling of overwhelm?
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  And I love dropping things because what that means is you're giving yourself
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  permission to say, I got to drop this thing.
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  And so much of this overwhelm is really about the fact that we were not giving ourselves permission.
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  We're telling ourselves we have to push, push, push, harder,
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  harder, harder. I can't say no.
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  I can't drop anything. But once we drop things, it sort of allows us to see what it means.
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  And does the world shift?
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  Does everything change when we say no to something? It does not.
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  The real eye-opener is when you say no to a client, for instance,
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  when you have a hard no with a client or a soft no, but you have a no and you're
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  worried, oh no, they're going to fire me. They're going to go away.
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  Even if you just push a timeline, people have all this fear.
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  The truth is, if you're being honest with people and you're like,
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  listen, I can't take that on right now. I want to do a good job for you.
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  Therefore, I'm going to have to do it in a month because I just don't have the
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  time to focus, I will tell you, 90% of clients will say, it's a bummer.
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  We have, you know, some tight timelines, but you're the person we want to work with and we'll wait.
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  That's when you know they're the client that you want to work with because they recognize your value.
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  If they're like, well, too bad. We all we want is like a machine.
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  Go tell them to like go call up chat GPT and chat GPT can do the work for them. It's fine. It's free.
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  But if they really value you and the work that you do, whatever that might be, they're going to wait.
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  And they do. and it's amazing. And what has happened with myself and with my
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  clients is they really appreciate the honesty.
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  They want the wholehearted yes. They want you to be all in. They want you to do good work for them.
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  So if you're saying yes to everything for all the reasons we say yes,
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  and then you're getting overwhelmed, remember, you're not going to do great
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  work. and other things are going to start to falter in your life.
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  So when overwhelm really hits and when it starts to bleed into burnout,
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  and again, burnout does not mean you're burned to a crisp and can't get out of bed.
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  A lot of times the first signals of burnout are just that feeling of like,
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  I can't do anything right now.
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  I just need to stare at a wall and my brain cannot process information.
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  The idea of opening my email is exhausting interesting.
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  Thinking about making dinner just gives me anxiety.
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  I really don't feel like I can do anything. So what is happening in your body
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  when that happens is you're having nervous system overwhelm.
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  Okay, there's that word again. But basically, your nervous system has been taxed.
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  Your cortisol levels have been flooding your system.
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  Do I sound like a scientist? I am not a scientist.
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  But we know this to be true. This is kind of like armchair knowledge.
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  You flood your body with cortisol, you're going to fatigue your system.
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  Same with dopamine, right? If you have too much dopamine flooding through your
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  system, eventually that dopamine is going to run out, and you're going to feel
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  tired, and you're going to feel like you can't do anything, and you might feel depressed.
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  That is one of the symptoms as well. So we want to get ahead of this.
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  A lot of times with a small business, those things are marketing related because
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  marketing is just this rock that we got to push uphill constantly.
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  Sometimes it like flattens us because it just rolls back down the hill and it's
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  just really tiring and it requires a lot of pieces, moving pieces all the time,
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  which is why I stepped out of marketing as my full-time job.
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  So for me, when I was feeling overwhelmed, I stopped the podcast. I just took a break.
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  Nothing changed. It's like we have these stories that, oh my God,
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  if I drop this thing, everything will change. People will think I'm a loser.
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  My business is going to go into the ground. I'm going to have to move under a bridge.
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  That's always where we end up. When we take those stories all the way to the
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  end, we like end up living under a bridge.
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  Just allow yourself to believe that there could be other versions of the story
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  that are better for you, that actually put you in a place that feels better,
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  that feels calmer, that feels less overwhelming.
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  So be okay to
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  with admitting to yourself that you have overwhelm. Drop something today.
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  Long-term, remember that you need rest. You need rest and recovery.
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  You can't just grind, grind, grind all day long. It will catch up with you.
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  And the thing I talk about all the time, there's an episode about routine and consistency.
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  If you're not exercising, you're not going to have an outlet for your stress.
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  So when you're grinding and saying yes to everything and then not taking time
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  for yourself to exercise or just rest or stare at a wall, you're never going to,
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  have that clarity that comes from someone having space.
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  You're going to be driving forward, driving forward, driving forward,
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  and eventually you're going to get to the detour.
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  You're going to get to the dead end and you're going to look back and go, what did I do that for?
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  Why did I allow myself to do that for so long?
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  The body keeps the score. Your body is going to know that you've been pushing too hard.
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  And until it gets to that point, it's time to regulate. It's time to slow down.
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  It's time to reevaluate and look at your priorities.
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  There is nothing wrong with slowing down and there is nothing wrong with rest.
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  We have this really old story in our society. Well, we have two.
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  One is if you're not productive, you're lazy and lazy people are bad.
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  And the other one is you can't possibly run a successful business unless you're
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  in your garage grinding for 90 hours a week. And that's the only way you're going to be successful.
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  There are lots of other people who did not grind for 90 hours a week and they
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  had a lot of success. But we're not hearing those stories because we have this
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  mentality that you have to grind, grind, grind.
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  You got to run the marathon until your feet are bloody.
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  You can't give up. And we need to just recalibrate that.
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  Can we just not run until our feet are bloody anymore? Can we just like take
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  that out of our consciousness?
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  That is not good. Running a marathon until your feet are bloody does not mean
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  that you're like a better, stronger, more capable, resilient person.
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  It means that you don't know when to stop.
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  It means that you don't know how to take a break. It means that you don't know
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  how to tell yourself and trust yourself that like you're all good without bloody feet.
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  If you have to stop in the middle of the marathon, it doesn't make you a bad
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  person. It means that you're confident
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  and strong in your beliefs and your conviction about who you are.
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  Somebody who runs with bloody feet is someone to me who's proving something.
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  Who are they proving it to?
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  Themselves? Great. Find another way to prove to yourself that you are a capable,
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  amazing person without bloody feet.
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  It makes it sound like I'm British, like feet are bad, those bloody feet.
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  Do you know what I'm saying here? So pushing yourself to some limit that feels
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  like you're proving something to yourself or others does not make you more capable or more resilient.
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  It makes you more broken. so let's
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  just shift that narrative to
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  i am strong and capable and
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  resilient and i can do that without pushing
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  myself to my limits i can have firm no's i can have confident honest yeses i
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  can have no resentment in a yes and i can say no really wholeheartedly without
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  fear feeling good about who I am and what I'm able to do.
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  Overwhelm comes from us not saying no enough.
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  It comes from us trying to prove something and believing for some reason that
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  we're not good enough without all of the pushing.
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  This is what I tell my clients. You don't need to push yourself so hard.
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  You're going to do better work.
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  When you have time and space and creativity, and you never have time or space
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  or creativity when you're pushing.
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  And just be curious about why.
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  Why are you pushing so hard? Why do you feel like you need to control things?
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  Why are you afraid to admit that you're overwhelmed?
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  Why are you saying yes to everything? Be honest with yourself when you ask the why.
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  Write it down. If you like the reason, keep doing it.
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  If you don't like the reason, if you don't really like the why, find a way to shift it.
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  Find a way to make a change. It might be a big change. It might be a small change.
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  All changes are acceptable in this situation.
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  They can be micro changes.
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  But if you know you want something different, you have to do something different.
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  You can't just keep pushing, keep controlling, and thinking your circumstance is going to change.
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  It's not. That overwhelm is not going to go away unless you really intentionally
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  shift and change something.
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  Overwhelm is the reason why we don't like to admit it is that we've done it to ourselves.
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  I have been overwhelmed lately, and I 100% did it to myself.
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  It was like self-sabotage.
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  I just kept piling and piling and waiting for someone to see me break so that
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  they would jump in and save the day.
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  Nobody jumps in to save the day, especially when you're really good at hiding the overwhelm.
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  No one's going to save you. You need to look at it.
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  You need to admit you did it to yourself. You need to start making some changes
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  and start dropping some things and saying no to some things. I promise you.
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  The story that you have that somehow you're going to be a failure if you let
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  go or you take a rest, it will not come to pass.
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  I can tell you this after years and years and years of mentoring and guiding
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  and helping people through overwhelm.
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  That story is not true. You are not a failure.
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  You may have actually a
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  lot more success by maintaining a
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  steady pace you'll have more longevity you'll feel better you'll be a better
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  partner you'll be a better parent you'll be a better boss all the things that's
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  my soapbox for the day overwhelm write it down get comfortable with the word.
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  Know when you're in it. It's not a problem.
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  I think you're doing great.
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  Take a break. I'm here for you. And I'm going to leave it at that.
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  And I will talk to you next week.