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Fuck You: Defensiveness · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another FU mini episode of Let's Get Naked.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here with Casey today.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: And today's FU is to uh defensiveness and just folks that wear that like a badge.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think a lot of people don't realize that defensiveness is kind of like a blanket trigger uh that just makes you unapproachable.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you no fun to be around.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: It makes people uh walk around on eggshells when they're around you because they don't want to, you know, bump into any of your triggers.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if the defensiveness is like your whole fucking trigger, it it's savage, right?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: You had you had a relationship where it was somebody that was very reactive like that.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Get curious about that.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you find that you're with someone that's very reactive, it's a blanket defensive layer.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and and frankly, I'm not interested in spending time with people that have that because generally speaking, they're not willing to work on any of their things and they're not they're they're not receptive to anything.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is they don't see it at all.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: They don't see it at all.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like this was one of the things that a couple of years ago with Cameron, I had to say, like, hey, boss, I need you to dive into your blanket defensiveness because it's it's literally a blanket trigger, and I'm not interested in every time I speak to you, having to defend that I'm coming from a good place or having to um, you know, say I, you know, that there's something that you have going on that needs work.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: It just it promotes so much gross and and prevents so much connection with other people that it's like I get curious about that.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people don't people don't get curious, they just go through life uh reacting.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: But what a what a sad way to live.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It it is.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and again, I I keep saying this because I just you know, you get these 30-second clips and people think, oh, you're being judgmental and whatever.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I lived that.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I lived all of those things, I lived all sides of that.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I've been in the trenches in this life.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I found a better way and I wanted to scream it from the rooftops.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, if you want to live from that defensive place where you're not going to invest anything into your emotional intelligence and you're just going to react and lose your cool every time somebody cuts you off in traffic, or every time somebody spills something, or every time somebody bumps into something of yours, or you get annoyed because you know, somebody does what fill in the blanks, it doesn't even matter what it is.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're an asshole and nobody wants to fucking be around you.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like right.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like if if that's you, if you're the asshole and nobody wants to be around you, uh, or if you know that person, send them this, send them this episode.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like exactly like save them from themselves because I don't think most people even realize that they're doing that.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Cameron didn't.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: When he started digging into it, he's like, he didn't know what I was fucking talking about at first.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now he'll come sit on this couch and tell you, Oh my God, life is so much better because you don't come from that place.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can level up your emotional intelligence and respond rather than react.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um here's the deal: your life isn't going to magically fix itself.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's coming to save you.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: But you can learn how to save yourself.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what this book is.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a nobody's guide to stop outsourcing your happiness, stop making excuses, and start living with purpose.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you're tired of waiting for someday, consider this your wake-up copy someday is today.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Get your copy of the Life Hack Playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, why would you want to walk around being defensive all the time?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like constantly on guard all the time.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's what that feels like.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this armor that you have to carry around all the time so that nobody bumps into any of your triggers.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Fix your triggers, and then you don't have to be fucking defensive all the time.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can just be open uh to experiencing life and the things that come from that.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what a beautiful, what a beautiful place that can be, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: If I mean, if if everyone has uh has to walk on eggshells around you, you're the problem.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I love the I love the visual or the analogy of like, imagine your uh check engine light comes on.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you smash the dashboard because you don't like the message?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do it.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you look under the hood?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like that's that's a very excellent visual of people that are defensive not being open to anything, right?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're not open to constructive feedback, they're not open to uh literally anything.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they just react on a dime for anything that happens.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, that's that's you punching the dashboard cost.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe maybe take a look under the hood and see what's happening underneath there.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then also, you know, just the that your defensiveness is costing you relationships that you think um that maybe you don't even realize it's costing you.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's definitely costing you quality in your relationships, it's definitely costing you um connection in your relationships.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it, it's not your fault that maybe you have all of those triggers in there, but it is your responsibility to fix it.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in in these times where people are really diving into their shit more and are willing to explore healing and explore unpacking their things and whatever, um, less and less people are interested in hanging out with people that have that defensiveness because it just it's hard to be around.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to be part of.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to be your punching bag uh when when somebody bumps into you and you're not adult enough to fucking handle it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when you watch these fucking grown-ass people having reactions to shit that's just like so silly.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's pushing away all the people in your world.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like you don't even realize that.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's why I'm trying to like say the things in ways that people can visualize because you don't even realize that you're living a lower quality life.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you're you're running through life in first gear boss, yeah.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like because you're not willing to fucking look at your emotional intelligence or like, hey, we found this thing that we understand EQ is even more important than IQ, and yet you're like wrong.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let me answer some things to you, right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I love the ansplaining over mansplaining because there's that old term about mansplaining.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let me answer something to you, right?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your fucking defensive base layer is like running in first gear and wondering why you're not fucking performing.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh take it out of first gear, boss.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: You are gonna have to figure out your emotional intelligence.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: No problems.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing but resources.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Get a copy of the book.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and that's all we're gonna say about that.