Latest / Master Your Yoga Teaching with MaKenzie Fly / From Porn Star to Yoga Studio Owner; Addiction, Sobriety & Spiritual Awakening w/ Andrew
Transcript
- Andrew: my experience majoring in physics and philosophy was I went to Dalhousie in Halifax, Nova Scotia, for a year and I had a terrible drinking problem. So I went to rehab after that. I dropped out of college and went to rehab for a year in South Florida. got into modeling. And as I mentioned in my bio, then became a porn star. And I drank again Found myself running around Venice Beach in Southern California completely naked, police cars chasing me, all sorts of wild behavior. And I'd been to some meetings and I had heard that this just never gets better unless you really fix it. So after that messy period in my life, that truth landed for me. That was 13 years ago. So I've been sober for 13 years, which has just been fantastic. MaKenzie Fly: What does a former porn star, recovering alcoholic, and yoga studio owner know about finding freedom? As it turns out, a lot. This week I'm joined by Andrew Catlin, the owner of Studio 29 Yoga in Joshua Tree, whose journey to becoming a yoga teacher is unlike just about any I've ever heard. In this episode, we're getting into why Andrew kicked off our interview by guiding me through a breathwork practice that you're more than welcome to join along with. And what happened to his nervous energy afterward, the unexpected journey from studying philosophy to working in adult films and the experiences that eventually led him toward yoga, what 13 years of sobriety have taught him about addiction, pleasure, and the things we reach for when we're uncomfortable, how one incredible tender date, followed by getting ghosted, became a pivotal moment in his spiritual journey. The fascinating relationship between samskaras, our conditional behavior, and the invisible limitations we carry through life, what recovering addicts call the pink cloud, and why Andrew has a very different perspective on whether that feeling has to disappear, why someone who spent years exposing his body publicly now feels more vulnerable sharing his authentic spiritual beliefs, how Andrew went from yoga student to teacher to studio owner in a matter months and what happened when he took over a struggling studio in Joshua Tree, why yoga might be less about escaping discomfort and more about expanding what you're capable of experiencing and the surprising connection between devotion, freedom, and what it really means to live according to your Dharma. Andrew's story is vulnerable, funny, philosophical, and at times downright unbelievable. But underneath all of it is a conversation about freedom that becomes possible when we stop letting our cravings, fears, and conditioning make our choices for us. I know you are going to love this one. So turn it up and let's dive in. Right. Take me through. Andrew: Okay. So lean over to one side, slide a hand under a glute, pull it back, repeat on the other side. And acknowledge that having done that, our sit bones are slightly more directly connected to the earth, just a little less buck cheek in the way. And send your attention rooting through your sit bones down to your pelvis. And imagine your pelvis like a cereal bowl, filled to the brim with milk, and angle it so it won't spill. And consider that to be your best upright. And exhale, suck your belly button back towards your spine, centering your abdomen. And inhale your shoulders up to your ears, lifting your belly button, and lift your crown and tuck your chin. And notice here the straightness and expansiveness of the spine. And keep the spine centered as you exhale, roll your shoulder blades back, opening your heart up. And slide your shoulders down, rest your hands on your lap. Activate your Uja Yi breath and take a long, smooth, deep inhale. And hold breath in and be still and flex your pelvis like a Kegel activating mulabandha. Notice the muscles want to let go, just keep them flexed and maybe notice this sensation. That would be your energy body responding to the physical body's flexion at the root chakra. And exhale smoothly drawing the energy up from the root. through the heart, the throat, and hold your attention at your crown with your breath held out, and be still. Your attention at your crown. Inhale and let your point of attention follow the breath down the throat, hearing it, feeling it with the ujayi constriction. Keep your attention going past your heart through your solar plexus. Let your attention rest at your root. Flexing your pelvic muscles, mulabanda. And exhale, belly button draws back towards that center column and pulls up, the belly button's following the energetic path, which is following the breath. Keep your attention going up to your crown and hold it there with the breath held out in stillness. It's called bayacumbica 'cause we're saying bye bye to everything we're letting go of that's clogged up in our system. It's like our exhaust system. And take a deep inhale, sending your attention from your crown smoothly down your center column, following the breath past the throat, the heart, through the solar plexus to your root. And hold the breath there, in stillness, flexing your pelvis. This breath held in is called antara kumbaka. That's where the expansion, the breath expanding everything, creating tension, alignment happens naturally. Exhale, draw your attention following the breath up your center column, belly button sucks back and up. And send your attention up to your crown and hold it there, with your breath held out in stillness. And now let's do one minute of breath of fire. So if you can keep Mula Banda, the pelvis flexed the whole time, and if you can feel that energetic sensation, it feels like a good feeling, like a tickle, but less static than that, more like a hum. This upward pumping breath, sucking the belly button in and up with each abrupt exhale through the nostrils, can be like a game where you're trying to pull that energy up from the root and intentionally send it through the heart, the throat, and All the way to the crown. So keep an inner eye out for some tingles on your crown. Go for about one minute. Down through your sip bones. And inhale your fingertips all the way out and all the way up and bring your palms together in a prayer to the sky. And exhale, bring your prayer hands down to your heart. And take a deep inhale for om together. Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: Mm-hmm. Andrew: Num stay. MaKenzie Fly: Namaste. I feel the buzz. I the Andrew: Woo! MaKenzie Fly: I feel the tingle. Thank you. Thank you so Andrew: I know. Thank you so much for doing that with me. All that nervousness I feel like now is just if the nervousness were just a sparkler, you know, the light, the energy just going ping bing bing bing bing, now it feels just like a a laser. MaKenzie Fly: well that is so shocking to me that you're nervous to be here. I mean, there's no need to be nervous at all. but I love I love telling myself and one in moments where I feel nervous and anybody like other yoga teachers, especially who are starting to teach like I love to think of nervous energy as the exact same energy as excitement. It's just envisioning the worst possible outcome instead of envisioning the best possible outcome. And something even about that helps change the relationship to that emotion and almost fuel it and transmute it and use it productively instead of destructively. Like I don't need to imagine myself falling flat on my face, like that's not helpful. And just envisioning, you know, of what you want it to be. So maybe that's helpful for you and and somebody listening. But I love that you're just honestly sh saying how you feel and then guiding us through that, knowing that it would help you and and everybody, everybody. Andrew: Yeah. W can you recall a time when you did that? When you Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: All the time. All the time. this is let's remember, I'm like, don't forget that this is a episode about Andrew. I need to have you tell us about your Andrew: Mm. MaKenzie Fly: your past and your history. But I actually have a background in performance as well. I know that you you I want you to tell us about your modeling and your acting and then your latest Shakespeare play and all of that, but my background is in musical theater and dance, and so ton Andrew: Did you ever do chorus line? MaKenzie Fly: I did, I did do a chorus line. Andrew: What what was your character? MaKenzie Fly: I played I played two of the balls. Yeah. so not Cassie, she's the red dress one, but in the trio. it's been years now since I've really thought about a course line, so I can't even believe I'm forgetting this song, but it's the trio Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: song with the three girls. Mother always said I was very attractive when I grew up, when I grew up, that song. Different, she said, with a special something very, very personal clear. That song. I was I was that girl. Andrew: And did you have those high socks from the eighties? And booty shorts. MaKenzie Fly: yeah. yeah. The at leg warmer. Yes. And then the high cut leotards that like go all the way up to the hip hip bone. Yeah. Andrew: my gosh. So cool. Do you remember in I think it was maybe early teens or mid two thousands, the eighties were coming back? And and now the n for the MaKenzie Fly: Yes. Thank you. Andrew: for the past five or so years the nineties have been coming back in fashion with the wide jeans and I MaKenzie Fly: Yes. Andrew: I feel like we could just if if we could combine the n eighties and nineties into something, parachute pants might be nice time for those. I feel like MaKenzie Fly: Might Andrew: there at some point we should find a balance to how wide or tight pants are. MaKenzie Fly: It's always a conundrum to me and I'm happy. I don't really wear a lot of pants, like actual normal people pants. And when I do, I'm always like, these are uncomfortable. Jeans still to this day do not make sense to me. But then again, I'm a very tall lady. I am five ten and I prefer like one piece situations that are like quick little Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: potato sacks that I can just put on and wear. Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: But I don't love pants, I gotta say, whether they're tight or loose, not really a fan. jeans. Andrew: pants girl. I love onesies, especially for women. I love them too, but I do feel feminine when I wear them. but that's great. I think fashion is, you know, gotta it's if if fashion were completely masculine it would it would just be white T shirts and jeans. So MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Well I'm I'm loving more of the eighties. Like if I were to choose, I would say eighties is a good thing to redo. I'm not quite sure about the nineties. but I wouldn't say I'm the most I wouldn't say I'm the most like fashion Andrew: Yeah. Friends remember the the the stripe, just the stripe across like Ross's shirts on Friends would just always have like a stripe? MaKenzie Fly: Yes, yes. Do you have one of those? Andrew: I have. I certainly have. I don't know, it's probably made its way to Goodwill by now. MaKenzie Fly: Well, please tell me a little bit more about your history and your background. I would love to hear. I think it's a telltale sign when somebody studies and majors in philosophy. And I was really torn. I actually went to school. I told you I just went to school for musical theater and dance, but I was also considering philosophy. And any extracurricular class that I could take was. philosophy and thinking. And I think that that's a telltale sign of being interested in yoga, Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: especially when you really look into yoga as being this way of thinking and mechanics of the mind. What was that like going to school for that? And back then was yeah, just like what how did that open your perspective to seeing the Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: world is I guess a good place to start. Andrew: Yeah, great question. Thank you. I think what got me looking into philosophy was a search for truth. I started with physics. I'd gone to a private school early in high school, missed my friends and came back to public school, and I ended up being way ahead in science, so I took physics early. And I was just way ahead in that class and I took physics at a a college nearby. And so I was like, I love this search for truth. How does this physical world work and why as we break it down smaller and smaller into its components? I loved unlocking the feeling of unlocking the secrets of the the whys behind the obvious things. to look deeper, to get closer to that core truth. That just always has has made me feel like fired up, excited. philosophy was in the same vein as that. and I love thinking, I love using my mind to feel like I'm getting closer to the truth. I my my experience majoring in physics and philosophy was I went to Dalhousie in Halifax, Nova Scotia, for a year and I nearly flunked out. I had a terrible drinking problem. So I went to rehab after that. I dropped out of college and went to rehab for a year in South Florida. stayed sober for a while and got into modeling. And as I mentioned in my bio, then porn became a porn star. And I drank again and got messy. Found myself running around Venice Beach in Cal Southern California completely naked, police cars chasing me, all sorts of wild behavior. And I'd been to some meetings and I had heard that this just never gets better unless you really fix it. So after that messy period in my life, I that that truth landed for me. And That was 13 years ago. So I've been sober for 13 years, which has just been fantastic. I I used God and a spiritual awakening to to keep me sober, see you know, recognizing that I just had tried as hard as I could kept failing. So I invited God in and I went to town just reading every spiritual book I could get my hands on. And after a period of time, the the porn career had given me Quite a bit of money, not a ton, but enough to pursue my art career. and so I went to Miami for a while and painted a bunch of murals, still like making very little money off of art, but having enough money from adult film to pay the bills. And so more time went by and I just was getting into my mid-thirties and it dawned on me. What am I gonna do with my life? can I keep just going to 12-step meetings, binging on self-help books and podcasts, and going for jogs and to the gym and to yoga? Like what kind of like my life is a spa. And then it and all of a sudden it hit me, I was like, Yeah, start a career in wellness. Like don't like stop doing these things and try to be Some kind of professional person that's a square box that I would try to fit into is around Peg. Just go deeper into self-help, yoga, into health and wellness. And so that's where my my career in health and wellness and my career in yoga started. shortly thereafter, I went on an amazing Tinder date. I had the best time. I don't know if you've been on these apps, but for me they have become just a dopamine video game. I just MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: swipe through them and you know, a little bit of Shakti comes up. I'm just like, ooh, that would be nice. Next. Ooh, that would be nice. Next. And it's just this little comfort tool that I can s swipe through. It's almost like a slot machine, you know? It gives you something flashy and makes you feel good. And then it's and then it's over and on to the next swipe. But every once in a while there is a jackpot. That's what keeps you coming back. And this date was like a four-day long date. My heart opened up, had not had that experience in so long. And then this woman ghosted me. And I just was like, what am I gonna do? Wait for another three or four years to hit a jackpot like that so my heart can open. And then I was listening to this great seminar by Michael Singer, you know, this this writer, this author. And he was talking I I tuned into this this seminar that he was doing towards the middle of it, and he was describing exactly this experience. he was saying something to the effect of, sometimes you'll meet somebody and you'll think they're opening your heart. And so you become dependent, I need this person for my heart to be open. but Michael explained logically, where does your heart open? Inside you. Who else is inside you other than you? Nobody. So if my heart's closed, he explained that I'm keeping it closed. Said this this is called in yoga samskara, a blockage in the energy flow around the heart, and that the practice of yoga included centrally the the skilled intentional opening of one's heart from the inside. In other words, it's like there's this valve. That just keeps the heart closed. And if we meet the right person to give us the right validation, it opens up. And it seems like they're magically opening it up. But actually, we're checking some boxes in our head and letting ourselves letting energy flow through our love emotional fourth center chakra area. when I heard that in that moment, just feeling my heart. Close up and just wishing it would come back open, I devoted myself to yoga. I was like, this is something worth devoting my life to. A similar, you know, mindset that I had when I went to school for physics and philosophy, looking for the truth. This is something worth devoting my life to. And yeah, just have having that middle-aged, like, what am I gonna do with my life? And then Getting the direction of health and wellness and then having this heart opening, heart closing experience, and hearing Michael say that, I was like, yes. people devote their lives to their partners, people devote their lives to their their job. And what I understood in that moment is they're we're all devoting our lives to something that is accomplishing, is coming close to accomplish accompl accomplishing this, this open-heartedness. So, So I decided my devotion was going to be to start this practice that would bring me inward to learn how to wisely and competently use and choose all of my different abilities. And from from there I moved to Joshua Tree. My friend had just opened a yoga studio and business was not that great, but I started showing up every day. And so I became the teacher's pet there at Studio 29. And she wanted to actually go and start a podcast of the the owner of the studio, the founder of the studio. So she held a teacher training and me and some locals became yoga teachers, and then she moved on to her her podcast. She had already r run several studios, and so it was time for her to try something else, and she gave the studio to me. And that was maybe two years ago, eight eighteen months ago. And I've been MaKenzie Fly: Just gave it gave it completely as a gift? Andrew: She gave it over. And like I said, it business was was not not booming and and that has never changed. I well since in in the first several months of of running the business, me the first six months, I five X'd the membership and the and the revenue, which I'm thrilled about. and and business is still, you know, it's I never I never set the intention of making a ton of money from the studio. My vision was for the studio to be a hub for practitioners and health and wellness professionals, entrepreneurs and enthusiasts to practice together, to master ourselves, to move towards mastery, and to collaborate and support each other in our health and wellness journeys, especially professionally. And it has become that. So MaKenzie Fly: Andrew. Andrew: When I was manifesting what the studio would become, I should have probably in stud included it was gonna make tons of money and have tons of students. That probably would have happened if I if I had said it that way. But it it ended up happening exactly as I as I said it. And and it's it's wonderful. I love my studio so much, it's a sacred place. I I I read Sadhguru's book and he talks about consecration and that places can become spiritually powerful if they're consecrated. And I'm not I'm no expert in how to do that or what that means, but my belief is that this this studio, Studio 29, consecrated or is consecrating. And MaKenzie Fly: Mm. Andrew: the biggest evidence for that is it's it's beauty, it's vibe when you walk in there, the smell, it just There's no gym socks. It's just MaKenzie Fly: No feet. Wow. Andrew: and the staff that's attracted. My staff is fantastic. One of the best Pilates teachers in the world. and his his wife leads these amazing holotropic breathwork exercises w that we do once a month with cacao. one of one of my students brings cacao directly from El Salvador, where he's his family has a a farm that goes all the way back into the Mayan. lineage and so we have this like super authentic cacao and this amazing breath works where people come and the thing I love about breath work is well especially intense breath work is that it can give the participant of it a profound energetic experience right away. And MaKenzie Fly: Mm-hmm. Andrew: the practice of yoga to me it my practice Took on a completely different form and benefit to me when I devoted to it. So night and day, the traction. There was no traction. It was like every once in a while I'll go to yoga, I'll feel like, I'm doing something good for myself. that's the second I devoted myself to it, well, you know the story. I became teacher's pet, I became a teacher, I became studio owner in over the course of six months. That devotion can be hard to come by, I think, when we find ourselves knowing that there's that we're incredibly powerful, that there's something extremely wonderful somewhere deep inside of us. MaKenzie Fly: Mm. Andrew: But the process on how to get there seems in my past it seemed daunting. Like, am I really gonna work so hard to figure out how to get there? But in these powerful breath work sessions, it's like you get a little taste of that. Of how powerful we can be when we unlock some stuff. And for me, that little taste has been the best motivator to to devote myself not just to my soul but to the practice of how to get there and sees me through the can be arduous, boring, unrewarding practices. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: knowing that I've I've I've I've had that breath work, I've tasted how powerful I've said, wow, I can't believe I could do that with my breath. and then moving forward, you know, doing that four-part breath that the kumbaka breathing that we were doing and just sending the attention up and down. I get it. I get the things in the inner the inner experience that opened up for me in the extreme breath work. when I when I practice developing my subtle inner sense, like I I have an idea of what I'm looking for. I feel like in a lot of these spiritual and yogic teachings, When when I was whenever I was asked to look inward, I would feel pretty ripped off. I'd be like, What are you talking about? it's just dark and clout I I can't see anything inward. I don't know what you're talking MaKenzie Fly: Mm-hmm. Andrew: about. Come to find out, you know, yoga maps out this all these steps on how to get to be able to look inward. And there are four limbs of yoga practice, Yama, Niyama, Asana and Pranayama before. you even begin to look inward with pratyahara. So yeah, all that to say it's a it's it's a journey that I believe is not just worth taking, but worth that the it has the highest worth because it's it's you. It's unadulterated MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: you is what we're looking for in in yoga. MaKenzie Fly: Andrew, what a story. I am over here just in awe of you. I love you so much. Thank you so much Andrew: I love you and MaKenzie Fly: for being just so honest, so vulnerable, and giving everybody permission to be exactly who they are and like what they've been through. And I think that Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: you're just so courageous and so brave and there's so many things that I want to dig into within your story. If you're okay with it, and of course you can say no, but I think digging into like alcoholism and seeing that first that first thing that Andrew: Okay. MaKenzie Fly: it's it's interesting, even as you was you were using the word devotion, it's like you could look at it as addictive behavior or devoted behavior, like even from the beginning. so Andrew: Mm, mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: I guess did you were you aware that alcohol was a problem. And can you discuss or talk about what it felt like and maybe your narrative of like even when you were doing it? And then the decision to try to stop doing it and just your journey of like feeling like something is controlling you and that you have no, role or ability to stop when you want to. Cause I think a lot of people would heal from that, from somebody Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: who has really, really been through it. Andrew: Absolutely. amazing question. You really cut to the core of me, Mackenzie. and I th my belief, in retrospect, is that that is what we are all trying to do. We would not be animated if there weren't Shakti flowing through us, life force energy. so there is always life force energy flowing through us. And My experience is I when I was a child, I was very hyper. I bounce around, I'd climb up trees. MaKenzie Fly: Same, same s center of attention, like look at me. Andrew: Yes. Yes. Abs and I love that attention. And look what we're doing when we do the breath work and we send our attention to focus our attention. Attention is powerful. I I love this the this reference I I I've been speaking on lately, and that is the joke from the movie Wedding Crashers, Vince Vaughn. When MaKenzie Fly: Classic. Andrew: Vince Vaughn sits down in the pew and he looks Several pews ahead of him to the the front of the church, there's a cute girl in a pew, he sees the back of her head. And he sits down and he focuses his attention on her with a laser gaze to the back of her head. And then she goes, and glances back towards her and he gives her a little nod. I love that that is a joke in a mainstream comedy, and that we all get it. And that when they made that joke, they had a a feeling that everyone would get it. MaKenzie Fly: Mm-hmm. Andrew: Because what we're talking about is what we define secularly as magic. You can MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, she could feel it. Andrew: she can feel his attention. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: And I don't know, I have no idea how that works, but the the empirical evidence that that that is a joke in a mainstream movie to me means we all know and may whether we admit it or not, we know that what we call magic is real. That the the subtler movements and focusing of our energy and the non physical parts of ourselves, it's we acknowledge the the truth of them. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, that's so good. That's Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: so good. in one of the yoga teacher trainings that I had a privilege of facilitating a part of the program was going on the what was called the Quantum Wellness Cleanse. This is a book I think from the nineties actually. Sorry, my baby is having a meltdown and he's he's voicing his feelings and his opinions. But Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. I I always teach happy baby is not the only kind of baby. There's there's cranky baby, there's confused baby. Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. yeah. yeah. But part of the quantum wellness cleanse was to give up alcohol, caffeine, animal products, gluten, and what was the fifth one? Sugar. Did I say sugar? Sh sugar. Andrew: Yeah, I haven't said sugar yet. MaKenzie Fly: And so it's for 21 days and it's giving up all the fun things, right? And Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: it was so illuminating for everybody. And every time I led the yoga teacher training, I was dreading the cleanse, but also he's sitting outside the door, just like crying. dreading Andrew: Mm. MaKenzie Fly: the cleanse, but also after finishing the cleanse, feeling so clear and such personal power restored because. any vice. in your case and your story of reaching to alcohol, even intimacy with like having sex, it's it's what whether it's food or whether it's sugar, like whatever it is, the thing that we're reaching for is to like dampen or change the experience or alter, soothe, soothe the experience or the anxiety, whatever it is, is that that under underscoring feeling of dis-ease and discomfort. Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: and I think we don't often, especially in daily living, where it's like it's just a cup of coffee or it's just a little piece of chocolate, you know, and I'm not saying don't soothe yourself or do things to comfort yourself, but it is also a very interesting exercise to say, who am I abstaining from that thing? And Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: what is it like saying, no, I don't actually need that thing to overcome this temporary. An ephemeral moment of agitation. And that when Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: you do sit with all of that and you come out on the other side, because inevitably you will, and this is like one of the greatest teachings of yoga is that the nature of all things is to arise, be experienced for a little while, and then pass away. And if we could just be with it until that wave crests, that then on the other side, what's left is this feeling of like. Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: Bad assery, where you're like, I thought I was gonna like go into the craving there for a second, and I really thought I was gonna give into it, but I didn't. And then that feeling on the other side is like your spine is a little straighter, your shoulders are a little Andrew: Mm-hmm. MaKenzie Fly: bit back, your head is held high, and you're like, I don't actually need all of these things to survive. so as you were telling your story, the cleanse just came to mind because I feel like you've had so many moments of cleansing in your life and overcoming these things that felt like they had such a grip on you. And so you have such personal power. And if you haven't Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: remembered in a while, I'm here to reflect back to you. That's a lot to overcome. Andrew: Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: and so yeah, riff riff off of that and of if it came if anything came up for you. Andrew: Yeah, I absolutely. So when we're young and we're freely expressing this energy, inevitably something in our lives will punish us for it. Not every time, but teacher will say, Sit back in your chair, that's not how you behave in a classroom or here for education. Or your father will say, How dare you chew with your mouth open when we're at the dinner party? That was so embarrassing. Don't don't act that way, you know. and this energy that is so wild and expressive as we're children along with the wonderful and necessary process of becoming socialized and learning the boundaries of social norms and manners and etiquette and how we re the the these boundaries are so so vital to the structure of our community. Is it's this I love film. I just saw the best no, I literally just saw the best film ever made. Just just I just saw You Can See Everything by Nathan Fielder. I do I do want to shout out my sex workers establishing meaningful careers, because that is what I believe is the best thing, that the best way I can use my experience to help others. So please look me up and and and DM me about that. But really what I want to just give props to is Nathan Fielder for making the best piece of artwork I've ever seen. You can see everything. my gosh. I'm so inspired by that. MaKenzie Fly: Is that the title the of the movie? You can see everything? Cool. Andrew: You can see everything and go see it. You will know it's impossible to be disappointed. I had heard people saying how great it was, and I'm a huge Nathan fan, so I had it up on a pedestal and I was a little nervous, like, should I really have it on a pedestal? Am I gonna be disappointed? There's nothing has ever been made like it at all. It's fantastic. MaKenzie Fly: Wow. I can't wait to see. Yeah. it's hard to it's hard to get out and see movies now. Andrew: So so good. Let me br let me go back to center here though. I'm Mr. Tan I'm Mr. Tangent. Back to Center is I reference another movie that Blast from the Past with Brandon MaKenzie Fly: Are you sure? No. Andrew: Whoever played that Encino man, Brandon Fraser. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, I was I was like Frasier, I love him. Andrew: Yeah. Blast from the past. He says to the his co-star, he comes from the fifties and and she's she's a wild nineties girl. And she says, what is it with you and your manners? He's like, Our manners are how we let strangers know that we respect and love them. MaKenzie Fly: Mm. Andrew: manners and etiquette and social norms, these are a language, these boundaries are a way that We can respect each other, they also serve to punish us, and we don't usually interpret them correctly. We interpret, I'm bad for having done that, and that creates some scara. Blockages, I can't act like that. And when we're little, we know how to act, but we learn that this is not okay and that's not okay, and they end up being blockages all over us in our energetic flow. And then we get out into life blocked. And it's just not as fun as it was when we were a kid. And so we find something like a partner that opens our heart, and all of a sudden w some of those blockages, energy gets to flow. We find alcohol, which reduces, you know, the oxygen available to the brain, which reduces the mind's ability to hold these samskara, these limitations in place, and we find ourselves just feeling great and we can socialize and you know. I I believe all that's real. It's real shakti. It's just real loose. It's it's not aligned. It's like the energetic channels are kind of like weeds flowing it, you know, and that's why we're always like this. You know, I love you, man. I I do I do love you. I believe it's true. I believe that's true love coming through, just in a kind of real you know, messy way. Yeah. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. uninhibited, yeah. I'm like yeah. Andrew: Or, you know We we're so blocked that most of our energy and our attention is down in first and second chakra, which is survival and pleasure, or secular, physical, and sensory. And so these first and second chakras, when our energy is so blocked and it it doesn't doesn't flow upward into the our higher centers, our higher abilities, and it stays down there. I just find myself looking for something that feels good, just something that tastes good, something that gives me some relief. And alcohol would the to me this is where addiction comes from in retrospect after studying yoga and energy for for years. At the time, when I was getting sober, none of that information was a available to me where my head was at, because this thing, alcohol. That gave me this experience of energy flowing was the closest experience to union and communion with God, with my soul, as MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Yeah. Andrew: I had come across since I was a happy little kid. And so you could not talk me out of loving it. I think wherever we are in life, whatever our stories are and our individual experiences are, if there's a counterfeit to love and communion with with our our soul, it's gonna it's gonna have us. We're gonna not want to give that up. I and I certainly don't say that from a pedestal. I mean like it it it took me ruining relationships, hurting people, injuring myself. I'm blind in this eye. This eyeball doesn't even look down anymore. MaKenzie Fly: My goodness. Andrew: these front three teeth are fake from just getting beaten up by people that I was bothering when I was drunk. so many consequences and I still would not give up this best way that I had at the time to to come close and to open my heart and to let the energy flow. so I I I found community of of sober people and they took me under their wing. They showed me how they did it and at the time it was just this recognition that I'm gonna die if I keep doing this. So it's not an option. I'm not going to be able to not to mention that Any of these outward things that give us that pleasure, it works less and less and less and the consequences become more and more and more and MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: when it's giving me less minimal joy and maximal consequences and I still can't stop doing it, that's addiction. So my my understanding is that what we're all looking for is our soul, our connection to God. that seventh seventh chakra, that crown chakra that and that my experience was that was devoting myself to that, to God was the only thing that that gave me the I want to say prudence to to bear the pain of and the mourning of losing the joy that alcohol had given me, even though it hadn't given to me in in quite a while. Just remembering those days when it had is what kept me coming back to it. And I am so grateful for that experience. My because it if if you ask me, I wasn't going to make that choice. To look to God unless my life depended on it. And I was lucky enough to find myself in a position where it had become apparent that my my life did depend on it. I would die or or be imprisoned. It's unfit to be part of society unless I made this choice, to seek God. So I I I did and that worked. And like you said, when you let something go like that successfully, that's like the that's a removal of a big old samskara. And in in the sobriety program they take part in, we call this period of euphoria this can be a blissful eup euphoric period that can last for several months. We call it the pink cloud. And we we often say in that program that the pink cloud doesn't last forever and I I don't think that's true. I don't think the pink cloud ever needs to stop. I think every time we let go of something that's blocking us, something that's being a counterfeit, something that is fooling us, and and and that we're looking outside of ourselves when what we're actually looking for is that bliss body, that Ananda Mayakosha, that that that center soul of ours. And the thing outside just gives us a little taste of it. and and less and less of a taste of it. And then we go on, find something else. and maybe after that we can become a workaholic, get really up in the third chakra. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: And here's the th here I do not envy workaholics at all because an alcoholic, you know, survival and well pleasure mostly, no nobody's happy that an alcoholic is in their addiction. It's a is a an o an MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Andrew: an active alcoholic is a very unsavory creature and from personal experience no nobody liked it when I drank except for me. MaKenzie Fly: No. Andrew: A work a workaholic not true. You MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, and they get praised. Andrew: you get praised. You you stuck in your third chakra, you know, your your Elon. I don't know that he's stuck in his sh third chakra, but you're doing big things in the area of work and service and connection to society. You're you're very praised and no one's gonna tell you that you're messing up and they they can't, you know. I I believe this is why the end of our Western stories end in the fourth chakra with falling in love. Often, you know, have the main character in some sort of survival situation and then makes it through these obstacles, you know, connecting with people and at the end of the story it's you fall in love and that's a very high chakra, but it's only the center chakra, you know. There is the the throat communication and the third eye, vision and the crown chakra, the connection to the divine, and they get exponentially higher and more profound. And so I don't I don't buy into this notion that the pink cloud when that follows sobriety is a one-time event that you'll never get back. I think every time we bring our energy up to a higher center we can experience that elation, that euphoria. and my experience also is that the reason that we don't is because it's always riskier. Kind of like a teeter-totter thing. The higher you go, the harder it's gonna fall and the scarier it is. and I'm doing a series on the Yamas and Niyamas right now and today was MaKenzie Fly: Binging them, it's so good. Andrew: Thanks. Yeah. well and it's risky, just my experience it it's it's bizarre, but you know, for years, qu a relatively long career in adult films in thirteen years, I I put content of myself out there doing the most personal, most exploitative of my body and sec and sensuality and sexuality things. And I just had this This excuse, that that's a character, that's not me. MaKenzie Fly: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Andrew: That's just a role I'm playing for a purpose that audiences get to get to enjoy. it's it's not me, so anything that anyone says about that, they're not saying it about me. Now with this this series about yoga, I'm actually sharing something that's important to me and MaKenzie Fly: Does it make you so nervous or you feel so much more naked, exposed? Andrew: Yeah, and it's it's riskier, It's MaKenzie Fly: 'Cause it's real. Andrew: Because it's real. And when somebody says something about it, to me now they're gonna be saying something about me that I have to admit that, you know, those those haters' comments or or whatever, they're saying it about me. And that's just that's a risky feeling. And my my tendency is just to back off from it and not go there. So to me that's what that's how the next pink cloud happens, and the next pink cloud happens, it always involves this higher and therefore say less guaranteed success. That's why MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, yeah. Andrew: commitment is so important and and sorry, yeah, and and devotion to God, the Ishvara Pranidana, the the devotion to God because if you're working to just build yourself up from the bottom, things get teeter tottery. but if you start with devotion to God, it has a way of bringing things into alignment much Easier. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah, yeah. Okay, there's so much that I want to talk about, but I feel like you have such you've had such an advantage. And I wanna also extend what I'm about to say to you to other people who resonate with your story or have been through something similar. Of you have such an advantage of teaching yoga because one of my teachers used to say, like, we're all thought junkies, we're all addicted to our Andrew: Mm. MaKenzie Fly: own. thoughts and our own stories and our own traumas and the identities that we've built up from those situations. And to have, you know, lived through like addictions and just like really strong urges for things gives you the direct experience and the language to be able to communicate, to have empathy about this and to articulate like steps out of that suffering for other people. So I think that it's so crucial and so pivotal for you to have gone through that. And then also the cherry on top of now being a studio owner and a spaceholder, that what a like, I just feel like you're like, what am I imagining? Like wielding such a like powerful weapon of Andrew: Mm. MaKenzie Fly: being able to communicate it as a teacher and also making this studio space. And do you feel like I guess my question in all in saying all of this is like. Do you feel that way? That it's changing how you communicate to people and that it also changes your energy of how you welcome people into a space, knowing that everybody is dealing with their own demons or going through their own version of your story. Andrew: absolutely. And I think there is this paradox that a l a lot of us find ourselves holding and or or a contradiction rather. On on the one hand, we project onto others how we see the world and assume they must see it the same way. On the other hand can have this feeling of isolation that nobody gets me and I'm the only one who's who has these problems. the it's it's it's awfully odd for me to hold both of those weird presumptions at the same time. they're both stories. neither of them is is true. and yet they both point to something true. We We are all human. And I always teach that yoga is for humans. So it won't work for squirrels. If you're a squirrel, you gotta go somewhere else for spiritual practice. but if you're human, yoga is for you. And I've I've found so much that applies directly to my experience in the yoga teachings, for for just that reason. It is a is a a user's manual on how to be human and quite a clever one too because there is no scripture that duh where the teaching and the and the learning happens. There is no teacher where the where the yoga is an experience and the scriptures and the suggestions from the teacher and the poses, the asanas, and the these are all practices so that you can have a direct experience with yourself and you become the teacher. So only place that teaching happens for the most part here, a guru can actually give you a profound experience. A guru is a very, very special human who has been all the way there and I don't I I don't think I've ever encountered a a guru. but certainly t teachers of classes and fellow practitioners and anyone on a spiritual path when when we can get together and talk about what we have in common and understand each other's differences, I mean we are walking the path together. And there's another paradox is that we all get to meet God within our soul, whatever our core is, independently and privately and personally. And yet it's highly unlikely that we'll get there. alone in isolation, without relationship and without each other. The asanas put us into positions of tension and discomfort because to head there, to take those risks, to connect with someone, to be vulnerable, requires the ability to stay centered under tension and discomfort. And moving again and again and again into poses that stimulate that experience of tension and discomfort. for for me has given me this opportunity to get to know what stops me and to experience coming up to that precipice so many times with just a gentle little push into the wall of the comfort zone that it expands and I'm more comfortable in more situations and ultimately the the end goal of the the yoga practice is freedom, Kaivalya. And that is can be thought of as the state where the comfort the walls of the comfort zone, the space in between them is so vast that everything is within my comfort zone. And that and that my choices get to be actually no longer seeking relief and pleasure or avoiding discomfort and pain. But my choices get to be my dharma, whatever my whatever my soul's druthers would be, my life's purpose. MaKenzie Fly: Such a beautiful answer. I can't wait to roll it back and listen again. this conversation has been so helpful for me. So healing for me and I feel so inspired. And I'm just really, really appreciative for you taking the time to come on and to also be so transparent and to to like be this lighthouse and be this permission slip for other people to be who they are. So if the listeners are like, this is the coolest guy ever, and they want to come check out your studio in Joshua Tree, they want to get plugged into all of your offerings, where can they find you and connect inside your world and your work? Andrew: Yeah, please DM me. My personal Instagram is catlin.artist. My studio's Instagram is Studio Twenty Nine Yoga. And the studio's website is studio twenty nine yoga.com. MaKenzie Fly: Awesome. Yeah. And I'll link everything, of course, in the show notes below so you can plug in and see all those things. Thank you, dear listener, for coming back each and every Wednesday. If you loved this conversation, please send it to a friend just to let them know that you were thinking about them. And thank you so much, Andrew, for being on the podcast. Andrew: my pleasure. Thanks, Mackenzie. MaKenzie Fly: Yeah. Okay everybody until next week. Namaste.