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Roles with a Purpose (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 1 - 327 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:08
Daniel Moore: If you've ever tried putting something together without the instructions, you already know how that goes.
0:13
Daniel Moore: You start confident, hit confusion somewhere in the middle, and by the end, you're wondering why you have extra pieces in a structure that technically stands, but definitely wasn't the vision.
0:23
Daniel Moore: Marriage can feel a lot like that sometimes.
0:26
Daniel Moore: You go in with love, good intentions, and maybe a few expectations you picked up along the way, but without understanding God's design, it's easy to find yourself in moments of miscommunication, frustration, or just thinking, how did we even get here?
0:40
Daniel Moore: Well in this week's episode, we're stepping back and looking at marriage the way God designed it from the beginning.
0:45
Daniel Moore: Not as something random to figure out as you go, but as something intentional, purposeful, and deeply meaningful.
0:51
Daniel Moore: We're talking about roles, unity, and what it really looks like to build a Christ-centered marriage that works in real life, not just on paper.
0:59
Daniel Moore: When both husband and wife lean into God's blueprint, even if it feels like learning instructions in another language some days, something powerful starts to happen.
1:08
Daniel Moore: Not perfection, but purpose.
1:11
Daniel Moore: And trust me, that's where things start to come together.
1:14
Daniel Moore: And hopefully for once, without any leftover screws.
1:18
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:27
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies.
1:29
Daniel Moore: We interview people sometimes have inspiring stories.
1:32
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and over standing next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:37
Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
1:38
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
1:39
Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com.
1:43
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1:45
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1:47
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1:50
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1:55
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1:57
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2:05
Daniel Moore: Well, this week, as we continue our series on marriage as a mission, we're in episode five.
2:11
Daniel Moore: And again, if you'd like to get a copy of this book that we're going through right now, it's the first book that we have available here at our ministry.
2:18
Daniel Moore: And you can go to our website at marriagelifeandmore.com, pick up a copy of that pretty much anywhere online that you can get books.
2:25
Daniel Moore: There's also a six-session study guide available at Amazon.
2:28
Daniel Moore: So if you'd like to get a hold of that and go along with us through this series, we'd be thankful to you for doing that, and that'll pour back into our ministry as well.
2:37
Daniel Moore: Well, as I said, this week we're going to be starting off episode five in our study here on marriage as a mission.
2:45
Daniel Moore: This week we're going to start with part one of Roles with a Purpose.
3:22
Michelle Moore: You start confident, halfway through, you're confused, and by the end, you're sitting on something that technically holds weight but looks like it belongs in a modern art museum.
3:34
Michelle Moore: And somehow, and I mean somehow, you've got five screws left over and no idea where they come from.
3:42
Michelle Moore: Marriage can feel like this sometimes.
3:45
Michelle Moore: You go in with love, excitement, and maybe a few Pinterest worthy expectations, but without a clear understanding of God's design, you can end up with miscommunication, frustration, and those how did we even get here moments.
4:03
Michelle Moore: Instead of leftover screws, you're dealing with unresolved tension and confused looks across the kitchen.
4:10
Michelle Moore: But here's the good news God didn't hand us marriage and say, good luck, figure it out.
4:16
Michelle Moore: He gave us a design, intentional, purposeful, and good.
4:22
Michelle Moore: From the very beginning, marriage wasn't a man's idea.
4:26
Michelle Moore: It was God's.
4:28
Michelle Moore: In Genesis 2 24, we see that God Himself established a foundation to becoming one.
4:35
Michelle Moore: That means marriage isn't random, accidental, or something you just have to survive.
4:41
Michelle Moore: It's something God designed to thrive.
4:44
Michelle Moore: It's part of his greater story.
4:46
Michelle Moore: And when you start to see your marriage that way, everything shifts.
4:50
Michelle Moore: You're not just building a life together, you're stewarding something sacred.
4:55
Michelle Moore: Think of a marriage like a duet.
4:58
Michelle Moore: Not two people singing the exact same note in unison, but two different parts that come together in harmony.
5:05
Michelle Moore: When each person leans into their role, the result is something beautiful, something that reflects Christ and the church.
5:14
Michelle Moore: But when it turns into competition, who's right, who's ladder, and who's winning, it stops sounding like worship and starts sounding like noise.
5:25
Michelle Moore: And nobody enjoys that, not even the dog.
5:29
Michelle Moore: Here's where it gets important.
5:31
Michelle Moore: God's design for marriage isn't about one person being more valuable, more important, or more in control.
5:38
Michelle Moore: It's about the complementary roles, distinct, intentional, and working together, like peanut butter and jelly or coffee and creamer.
5:49
Michelle Moore: And for some of those, creamer, a little bit of coffee.
5:52
Michelle Moore: A little bit of coffee.
5:54
Michelle Moore: That would be my husband.
5:55
Daniel Moore: Me, yes.
5:56
Michelle Moore: That's the reason why I was like, wait, I got that slipped around again.
5:58
Daniel Moore: Like, I'll have some coffee with my creamer.
6:00
Michelle Moore: That's exactly 100% right.
6:03
Michelle Moore: Or if we're being real, one spouse who loads the dishwasher likes a structural engineer, and the other one who treats it like a free-for-all.
6:11
Michelle Moore: That would be you and me.
6:13
Daniel Moore: Yep.
6:14
Michelle Moore: Different approaches, but when aligned, it still gets the job done.
6:18
Michelle Moore: And that balance, it's not about everything being 50-50 all the time.
6:23
Michelle Moore: It's about both people being a hundred percent committed to God's purpose.
6:28
Michelle Moore: Some days you carry more and some days they do.
6:32
Michelle Moore: But when both hearts are surrendered to Christ, the marriage stays anchored, even when life feels off balance.
6:40
Michelle Moore: A strong marriage isn't built on equal effort, it's built on shared surrender.
6:46
Michelle Moore: Now, let's be honest.
6:48
Michelle Moore: Just because God has a design doesn't mean it's always feels easy to follow.
6:54
Michelle Moore: Sometimes it does feel like you're trying to read instructions written in another language or upside down.
7:01
Michelle Moore: And after a long day at work with a toddler yelling in the background, that's real lie.
7:07
Michelle Moore: But the goal was never about perfection.
7:10
Michelle Moore: It's intentionality.
7:11
Michelle Moore: It's waking up and choosing, God, how do I live out my role today in a way that honors you and strengthens my marriage?
7:20
Michelle Moore: It's remembering that your role isn't just about you, it's about what God is building through you.
7:28
Michelle Moore: And when both husband and wife lean into that, something powerful begins to happen.
7:34
Daniel Moore: I want to go back here to that statement that you just made and kind of highlight that for a second.
7:39
Daniel Moore: I think that's a very strong statement where it says that a strong marriage isn't built on equal effort, it's built on shared surrender.
7:47
Daniel Moore: And, you know, how many times do we see spouses try to outdo each other?
7:52
Daniel Moore: It's like, I do all of this and I'm doing that.
7:55
Daniel Moore: What are you doing?
7:56
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like they there's little snide comments or whatever.
8:00
Daniel Moore: And we see that happen quite often in marriages, and it becomes a competition almost to an extent.
8:07
Daniel Moore: And it shouldn't be that way, because even if it is off balanced, it's it's all about getting it done when it comes to the end of the day.
8:16
Michelle Moore: And I think that's when the enemy slips in because it is, it's like, oh, he's doing this, or he's not doing this, and I'm doing this, and I'm doing this, because it's so easy to be that way.
8:28
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
8:28
Daniel Moore: You know, whenever we have that that shared surrender that that's talking about that, what that looks like is the husband may come in and he may have to do 60% of what needs to be done because for whatever reason the wife couldn't get to it or didn't.
8:47
Daniel Moore: But does the husband grumble about that or does he just jump in and do it because he sees something that needs done?
8:53
Daniel Moore: You know, they're both you know, building this home together.
8:57
Daniel Moore: Right.
8:57
Daniel Moore: It's a joint effort.
8:59
Daniel Moore: So I think too many times we default to complaining and we default to being aggravated or making smart elec comments to our spouse about things when just get in there and do it.
9:13
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like it's gonna balance itself out in the long run somewhere because I'm sure someday the wife's gonna do more than the husband.
9:20
Michelle Moore: Well, and it talks about when I said earlier that some days you carry more and some days I carry more.
9:26
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:27
Michelle Moore: But when both our hearts are surrendered, our marriage stays anchored.
9:32
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:32
Michelle Moore: Even when life feels off balance, if you think about that, there's gonna be days.
9:36
Michelle Moore: If I'm not feeling well, you may do everything.
9:39
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:40
Michelle Moore: But then there are days that you may have something going on and I may do everything.
9:44
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:44
Michelle Moore: It's about being together and doing what's best.
9:48
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:48
Daniel Moore: So we have to get this mindset out of our minds that it's got to be equal.
9:53
Daniel Moore: That, you know, oh, I've done all of this, so this is my part for the day, I'm done.
9:57
Daniel Moore: Now you you you got the rest of it.
9:59
Daniel Moore: No, that's not how that works.
10:01
Daniel Moore: What it actually is is okay, maybe you did do a lot of it, but later today, if some work comes up and you walk up and see that it needs done, but your spouse isn't right there to be able to take care of it, then jump in and do it.
10:14
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like, what's the big deal?
10:16
Daniel Moore: But I I just that kind of stuck out to me when you read that because, you know, I do see that a lot.
10:22
Daniel Moore: It's like a competition a lot of times between spouses and they get mad at each other because it's like, well, I do everything.
10:29
Daniel Moore: You know, you're you just sit around, don't do nothing, or whatever.
10:32
Daniel Moore: And that might be the case.
10:33
Daniel Moore: I mean, there's I'm not saying there's not some lazy spouses out there, but in the average marriage, the way that things should work, if you see something that needs done, do it.
10:42
Daniel Moore: That's you know, that's all there is to it.
10:44
Daniel Moore: There's no reason to make this a big competition.
10:47
Michelle Moore: And you know, when that spouse does do it, the other spouse doesn't need to speak up and say, Well, you didn't do that right.
10:55
Michelle Moore: Right.
10:55
Michelle Moore: Be thankful that that spouse stepped in for you and that's doing it.
11:00
Michelle Moore: I mean, I'm sorry, Dan and I are not alike in a lot of ways.
11:04
Michelle Moore: He does things differently than I want to do it.
11:06
Michelle Moore: But because he chooses to do something for me, I'm just like, heck yeah, thank you so much.
11:12
Michelle Moore: I may look at it and be like, I wish he would have done it this way or he would have done that.
11:16
Michelle Moore: But you know, in all reality, my heart's grateful.
11:18
Michelle Moore: I have a spouse that's actually gonna get in there and do something because he's seen that it needed to be done.
11:23
Michelle Moore: I'm not gonna pick on him and I'm not gonna be uh what do they call that?
11:28
Daniel Moore: Um nitpicky.
11:30
Michelle Moore: Yeah, I'm not gonna be nitpicky.
11:31
Michelle Moore: I'm not gonna just sit there and just criticize him for you know doing something that he felt like would help me.
11:39
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
11:40
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and continue there.
11:42
Michelle Moore: I think I got lost.
11:43
Michelle Moore: Okay, hang on a second here.
11:44
Michelle Moore: Marriage works best when both people stop asking, what am I getting?
11:49
Michelle Moore: and start asking, what am I building?
11:51
Michelle Moore: I absolutely love that.
11:53
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
11:54
Michelle Moore: Because what am I getting set that's a prideful thing.
11:58
Michelle Moore: It is a very prideful statement.
12:00
Daniel Moore: It can become a a uh foundation of selfishness.
12:04
Michelle Moore: It is, and instead, it's what am I building for my marriage?
12:07
Michelle Moore: You know, it's like that's so good.
12:08
Michelle Moore: God didn't design marriage just to make you happy, He designed it to make you holy, unified, and impactful.
12:17
Michelle Moore: So before we dive into the specifics of roles and responsibilities, take a breath and take heart.
12:26
Michelle Moore: You're not wandering through marriage blindly.
12:29
Michelle Moore: You're not guessing your way through this.
12:31
Michelle Moore: God has already written the blueprint.
12:34
Michelle Moore: And when you begin to follow his design on purpose and with a purpose, let me say that again, on purpose and with purpose, you're gonna start to see something extraordinary take shape right in the middle of your ordinary everyday life.
12:50
Michelle Moore: Conversations will change, perspectives will shift, and unity grows.
12:55
Michelle Moore: This is where the pieces start coming together.
12:58
Michelle Moore: And no, this time there won't be any leftover screws.
13:03
Daniel Moore: We're gonna put it how it is.
13:06
Daniel Moore: Biblically, there is a roadmap for what the husband is supposed to be and what the wife is supposed to be.
13:12
Daniel Moore: That's what this week's episode gets us into as we get to this point.
13:17
Daniel Moore: And again, this might be one of those episodes that maybe steps on your toes a little bit.
13:22
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times as husbands, it's real easy for us to, as we talked about last week, let that little bit of ego and that little chip on our shoulder, you know, we we we think that we rule the roost and everything that we want should happen and it should take place.
13:37
Daniel Moore: The wife should just bow to our every need, but that's not how God designed it.
13:41
Daniel Moore: And we're gonna see that as we go through scripture here this week, as we get started into this.
13:46
Daniel Moore: And so we're gonna go ahead and jump into it to what God's design is for husbands and wives.
13:52
Daniel Moore: And I hope that as we go through this, that all of you listening out there, please take this to heart.
13:57
Daniel Moore: Because I see so many marriages get damaged because one spouse feels like they deserve this or they deserve that, or, you know, because they do all of this stuff, then they should be getting all of this stuff.
14:09
Daniel Moore: And it leaves the other spouse out in the dark.
14:11
Daniel Moore: It leaves them, you know, grasping for straws, trying to figure out, well, where do I belong?
14:16
Daniel Moore: You know, where is my part at in this relationship?
14:20
Daniel Moore: And it can happen on both sides, where if the the husband or there's wives out there too that are very pushy and very demanding, and so it can come from both sides, but God never intended it to be demanding and pushy like that.
14:32
Daniel Moore: He made it flawlessly, effortlessly put into place.
14:36
Daniel Moore: He's got a fluid movement for how this is supposed to happen.
14:40
Daniel Moore: So when it comes to defining the roles of husbands and wives, the Bible doesn't speak in vague ideas or abstract concepts.
14:46
Daniel Moore: It gets right to the point.
14:48
Daniel Moore: It speaks with clarity and purpose.
14:50
Daniel Moore: God in his wisdom didn't design marriage to be a free-for-all where everyone just figures it out as they go.
14:56
Daniel Moore: He designed it as a partnership where both husband and wife are equal in value, but distinct in function.
15:02
Daniel Moore: And that's very important because we are all on the same plane.
15:05
Daniel Moore: We were all born into this world the same exact way, so we're no different from each other, except for the fact that we're a different gender.
15:13
Daniel Moore: But we do have different functions, and God specifically spells that out in the word.
15:18
Daniel Moore: You know, think of it as a football team.
15:20
Daniel Moore: We've used this analogy before.
15:22
Daniel Moore: If everyone insists on being the quarterback, the play falls apart really fast.
15:26
Daniel Moore: You can't have a team full of quarterbacks.
15:28
Daniel Moore: Somebody's got to snap the ball, somebody's got to block, somebody's got to call the plays.
15:33
Daniel Moore: You know, marriage works the same way.
15:36
Daniel Moore: God assigns roles not to create imbalance, but to create harmony, something that actually reflects his nature.
15:43
Daniel Moore: God's design in marriage isn't about who's in charge, it's about how love is expressed.
15:48
Daniel Moore: That's the whole purpose of the marriage is how we communicate between each other and get things done.
15:54
Daniel Moore: So let's start with the husband.
15:56
Daniel Moore: In Ephesians 5.23, Scripture says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.
16:03
Daniel Moore: And that's not a power trip.
16:05
Daniel Moore: That's actually a very long, strong word called responsibility.
16:09
Daniel Moore: A lot of a word that I think a lot of husbands sometimes just don't get it.
16:14
Daniel Moore: And if we misunderstand that, we can do some serious damage.
16:17
Daniel Moore: Being the head doesn't mean ruling the house like a king with a remote control in one hand and opinions in the other.
16:23
Daniel Moore: It means leading like Christ leads, with sacrifice, humility, and love.
16:29
Daniel Moore: Ephesians 5.25 raises the bar even higher.
16:32
Daniel Moore: Husbands are called to love their wives the way Christ loved the church, and the way that Christ gave himself up for her.
16:38
Daniel Moore: That's not convenient love.
16:40
Daniel Moore: That's not, I'll love you when you agree with me love.
16:44
Daniel Moore: That's selfless, servant-hearted love.
16:47
Daniel Moore: It's choosing to lead your family spiritually, emotionally, and practically, even when you're tired, even when it's hard, and even when you'd rather just sit on the couch, pretend you didn't hear those three words.
16:59
Daniel Moore: Can we talk?
17:00
Daniel Moore: There's a lot on husbands.
17:04
Daniel Moore: The husbands are the responsible person in the home for the spiritual headship that's spelled out completely in scripture.
17:11
Daniel Moore: So anything biblically that happens under a roof of the home, as long as that husband is a spiritual leader in that home, he loves Christ, he follows Christ.
17:22
Daniel Moore: It is my responsibility as a husband to make sure that our home is covered in prayer.
17:29
Daniel Moore: That's my responsibility.
17:31
Daniel Moore: And so when it when you think of it that way, you know, that that's not just a a little small chore.
17:39
Daniel Moore: You know, that that's a huge responsibility that we have to take responsibility for.
17:43
Michelle Moore: And I think it's so important as a wife to be praying for your husband, that God leads you and that, you know, you're that he is with him as he makes decisions for the home.
17:53
Michelle Moore: And I think that's very important that a wife remembers the responsibility.
17:58
Michelle Moore: I mean, there's times that I'll come up to Daniel and I'm like, we've prayed about something.
18:02
Michelle Moore: You know, we may be on the same mutual agreement on something.
18:06
Michelle Moore: And there's times that we haven't been.
18:08
Michelle Moore: And I respect, like, okay, you know, I've told you how I feel.
18:12
Michelle Moore: We've prayed about this.
18:14
Michelle Moore: But, you know, ultimately you have the decision, you know, because you are the man of the house.
18:18
Michelle Moore: And, you know, there's some decisions he's made that's been great, and some decisions not so great.
18:23
Michelle Moore: I don't look at the things that he's done wrong.
18:26
Michelle Moore: I think, okay, what can we build from this?
18:28
Daniel Moore: Right.
18:29
Michelle Moore: But I do pray for my husband daily.
18:31
Michelle Moore: I mean, and as every wife should, you know, because they do hold a lot of responsibility.
18:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
18:37
Daniel Moore: And one thing that guys do like is respect.
18:40
Daniel Moore: And so that's that's a really big one when it comes to the function of the home and how everything's put together.
18:46
Daniel Moore: You know, guys do like to know that they have the respect of their spouse, their children, and on down the line.
18:52
Daniel Moore: But we have to remember that we have to be careful with that because we can take that respect thing too far.
18:58
Daniel Moore: And I've done that before, um, unfortunately.
19:02
Daniel Moore: And that's something that I've done.
19:03
Daniel Moore: Sometimes that comes from the way we grew up.
19:05
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times in military homes and uh just homes in general that just had a really, really strict background, there can really be an overbearance on respect and toleration and those kinds of things.
19:18
Daniel Moore: But we got to remember that biblical leadership doesn't demand respect.
19:22
Daniel Moore: It earns it through sacrifice.
19:24
Daniel Moore: So we should be, as husbands and as fathers in our home, we should be wanting to gain that respect from our family through the shown sacrifice that they see us make on a daily basis to make sure that our home is taken care of, is prayed over, um, that we're leading in the best possible way that a godly man can lead a home.
19:47
Daniel Moore: And I think that I know, and I think probably I could save, you know, vouch for you that when you see me leading in a biblical way and you see that I'm praying about issues that come up and I'm trying to make the right choices of, you know, thinking this through in a godly way, does that generate more respect for you towards me?
20:08
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
20:08
Michelle Moore: And you know, I think And if you weren't in leading in a biblically way, as I was getting ready to say, what do you suggest to wives out there?
20:16
Michelle Moore: If their husbands are not leading in a biblically way, what kind of advice or encouragement can you give them?
20:25
Daniel Moore: Well, unfortunately, that rolls downhill.
20:28
Daniel Moore: So if the husband is not in a biblical-minded state where bad things, bad choices are being made because they aren't being prayed over, God's not being kept in that equation, unfortunately that kind of falls on the wife's shoulders at that point to become that spiritual lead.
20:45
Daniel Moore: And that doesn't necessarily say that you just take over the home and that you become the king or queen or whatever you want to call it.
20:53
Daniel Moore: That's not what I'm saying there, but you do have to take a lead spiritually because somebody in that home needs to be covering that home in prayer.
21:01
Daniel Moore: That's good.
21:02
Daniel Moore: Somebody needs to be bombarding the gates of heaven, and that's when you pray for your husband.
21:06
Daniel Moore: Yes.
21:06
Daniel Moore: Say, God, you know, you know where my husband's heart's at.
21:10
Daniel Moore: I don't feel like it's in the right place right now, but you know for sure, would you please convict his heart before you?
21:16
Daniel Moore: You know, change him from the inside out.
21:19
Daniel Moore: Help me to be that person that might instigate a change in him just because of the love I show for me, you know, flowing out of me from you.
21:27
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, there's a a good way to do that in love.
21:31
Daniel Moore: And I think if we do that kind of thing, that changes the atmosphere.
21:35
Daniel Moore: And you might be surprised, you know, I I think I'm sure husbands have been changed before and have changed their lives because of the life they saw their their wife leading.
21:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
21:46
Daniel Moore: And so there's there's a lot of, you know, wives have a lot of pull when it comes to that kind of thing and a lot of influence.
21:53
Daniel Moore: So just because the husband's failed and isn't stepping up to the bar like he should be as a Christian.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Spouse and the leader of the home doesn't mean we just forget it all.
22:03
Daniel Moore: Right.
22:04
Daniel Moore: Somebody has to step up and take that place and just pray that God will change that around to be in the right order eventually.
22:12
Daniel Moore: So, so as husbands, it's our job to have the spiritual lead, the spiritual head over the home.
22:20
Daniel Moore: I'm still the same as you, Michelle.
22:22
Daniel Moore: I'm still equal to you.
22:23
Daniel Moore: There's nothing about me that's any better than you are.
22:25
Daniel Moore: We both make joy choices together.
22:27
Daniel Moore: We both make decisions together.
22:29
Daniel Moore: We both pray together.
22:30
Daniel Moore: Everything that we do needs to be on the same page.
22:32
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
22:33
Daniel Moore: We have a mutual respect for each other, for each other, each other's roles of where we're at.
22:38
Daniel Moore: And that's how God wants us to be as husbands.
22:40
Daniel Moore: So now it's your turn.
22:53
Daniel Moore: What about the the wives there?
22:55
Daniel Moore: What does the Bible say about that?
22:59
Michelle Moore: Now, wives, before this starts sounding one-sided, your role carries just as much weight and just as much power.
23:07
Michelle Moore: Ephesians 5 22 says, Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
23:12
Michelle Moore: And let's be honest, the word submit can make people uncomfortable.
23:17
Michelle Moore: But biblical submission is often misunderstood.
23:22
Michelle Moore: Submission is not about silence, weakness, or losing your voice.
23:27
Michelle Moore: It's about the willingly to come alongside your husband's leadership out of trust in God's design.
23:34
Michelle Moore: It's not I have no say, it's I choose unity over control.
23:38
Michelle Moore: It's a posture of the heart, not a loss of identity.
23:42
Michelle Moore: Think of it like a dance.
23:44
Michelle Moore: One leads, one follows.
23:46
Michelle Moore: But both are fully engaged, both are moving, and both are necessary.
23:52
Michelle Moore: And if either person decides to do their own thing, well, somebody's getting their toes stuffed on.
23:59
Michelle Moore: And in marriage, that usually turns into a conversation later that starts with, that's not what I meant.
24:06
Daniel Moore: So when we look at submission, because the scripture obviously pulls that distinct thing out for the wife, what because I feel like, you know, you and I, because of the way that we run our home, we I feel like we both have the same power.
24:22
Daniel Moore: Okay.
24:23
Daniel Moore: So we we are both leaders in our home and we we lead on the same level.
24:29
Daniel Moore: So we keeping that in mind, what does submission look like to you towards me, knowing that we are on the same level as far as power in the home and how we run the home, and what does that submission mean to you?
24:42
Daniel Moore: What does that look like?
24:43
Daniel Moore: I guess I should say.
24:45
Michelle Moore: Well, it's kind of the way I look at it is I would submit to my father.
24:49
Michelle Moore: Like I'm openly letting him do his will with me.
24:55
Michelle Moore: And through our marriage, I'm not saying I'm letting you openly do whatever, but we're both on the same page.
25:05
Michelle Moore: We both are willing to do whatever.
25:08
Michelle Moore: And we are both willing to do whatever it is the Lord has for us because we know that's what we're our marriage is for.
25:17
Michelle Moore: So to me, submission is not just saying, Daniel, do whatever you want.
25:21
Michelle Moore: We both have the best interests at heart and I love you, you love me.
25:28
Michelle Moore: And so I'm willing to come under submission of just pretty much doing it.
25:40
Daniel Moore: Um yeah, it's I understand what you're saying because in essence, bec even though we have the same power to make the choices and decisions, there are times when uh it probably does fall on me to make the final say, you know.
25:56
Daniel Moore: And you're willing to submit to that because it's maybe it's not a right or a wrong answer necessarily.
26:02
Daniel Moore: It's just we've discussed it, we've talked it through, we know where each other stand, we're pretty much on the same page, but you're like, okay, you know, either way, this could be, you know, fine, probably no matter which way we go.
26:12
Daniel Moore: But you know, you're the head of the home and the leadership in this home, so I'm gonna let you decide which direction.
26:18
Daniel Moore: So I think that's a good picture of submission.
26:20
Michelle Moore: But I also think that with both of us being 50-50, of we both, okay, we know where that, that's both of us bringing everything together.
26:28
Michelle Moore: Right.
26:29
Daniel Moore: And we don't do that.
26:30
Michelle Moore: And me not just saying, okay, Dan, do whatever you want.
26:32
Michelle Moore: It's it's both of us bringing our talents and our gifts together.
26:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
26:37
Michelle Moore: In our marriage, because yes, I think you have talents and gifts in your marriage that can be utilized for each other as well.
26:46
Daniel Moore: And the submission part can't take place without discussion.
26:49
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
26:49
Daniel Moore: You know, we discuss what we're gonna do.
26:52
Daniel Moore: I mean, that whatever situation arises, we both talk through that.
26:56
Daniel Moore: But it comes to a point where there has to be a decision made sooner or later, and somebody's got to make that decision.
27:02
Daniel Moore: And so sometimes that does fall on you.
27:04
Daniel Moore: Sometimes I'll let you make that choice and I'll let you make that decision.
27:08
Daniel Moore: But there's sometimes that you, as the leader of the home, you allow me to do that.
27:12
Michelle Moore: What happens when our son says that you let me do whatever I want?
27:16
Daniel Moore: Our son don't know what he's talking about.
27:18
Daniel Moore: He's got a lot of growing up to do.
27:20
Daniel Moore: He's not even married yet.
27:21
Michelle Moore: No, but my mom sometimes will say the thing.
27:23
Michelle Moore: She's like, Oh, Dan loves you so much, he'll just let you.
27:25
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, Oh, you have no idea.
27:28
Michelle Moore: Like, but you know, I also am smart enough to know, you know, what it is if if I feel like, oh, he's kind of eh, 50-50 there.
27:40
Michelle Moore: I mean, I can sway him in one way or the other, but I always try to do like, okay, God, what is it that you want me to do?
27:47
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:47
Michelle Moore: But I think a lot of our decisions too are based on, you know, not just necessarily worldly things, but hey, if we need to purchase something or anything like that, I have to go back.
27:56
Michelle Moore: Okay, how does it affect our family?
27:58
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
27:58
Daniel Moore: You know, I do trust you.
27:59
Daniel Moore: Yeah because if it's something where I don't really feel like it's necessarily just a choice I have to make by myself, then I'm willing to I'm okay to let you make the decision on it.
28:10
Michelle Moore: And when he does that, he knows what I'm gonna choose because I can't blame him for something that went wrong.
28:15
Daniel Moore: It's not my fault.
28:16
Michelle Moore: Because he goes, Oh, well, you know where we're at.
28:18
Michelle Moore: And it's like, I know what that means.
28:21
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
28:22
Daniel Moore: Is it reading between the lines that that's called?
28:25
Michelle Moore: So after all these years, it's like, I know better than that.
28:28
Michelle Moore: And that doesn't happen very often because we just don't really, you know, purchase big item things or just little things.
28:34
Michelle Moore: But, you know, we both have the same vision and we both know what it is for the most part that God has before us and what we need to do.
28:43
Michelle Moore: And it's not necessarily going out and just buying everything, you know, um, but or just, you know, being ourselves, even in ministry.
28:52
Michelle Moore: We have to, you know, step back in some areas because you can work yourself to death during the week with work and then you're doing ministry things on the side, it can become overwhelming and it depletes you.
29:05
Michelle Moore: So you have to work together and submit to each other to say, I mean, he's even told me on the podcast, you know, you come here, if if you're this is getting to be too much for you, let me know.
29:18
Michelle Moore: And you know, to me, I'm like, you know what?
29:21
Michelle Moore: That is truly we know how much this means to not just us because we know that's what God has wanting us to do, but he also thinks about me as his wife, how it affects me to constantly be doing stuff like this and what it takes out of me.
29:37
Michelle Moore: And so to me, he's not only submitting what God wants him to do, but he's also submitting to me as the fact that he doesn't want to over um he doesn't want me to do go through some of the things that I have in the past of being overwhelmed and stuff.
29:53
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
29:53
Daniel Moore: And there's a few more things there about submission if you want to share those with us also.
29:58
Michelle Moore: Submission isn't about shrinking back, it's about strength and unity.
30:02
Michelle Moore: And let's be clear: biblical submission never means tolerating abuse, manipulation, or control.
30:08
Michelle Moore: God's design always operates within love, safety, and mutual respect.
30:13
Michelle Moore: Colossians 3.19 even warns husbands directly.
30:17
Michelle Moore: Do not be harsh with them.
30:19
Michelle Moore: This tells us something important.
30:21
Michelle Moore: God's design protects both roles.
30:24
Michelle Moore: Because at the core of it all, there is a complete equality in value.
30:28
Michelle Moore: Galatians 3.28 reminds us that in Christ we are one.
30:33
Michelle Moore: First Peter 3.7 calls husbands and wives co-ires of grace of life.
30:39
Michelle Moore: That means you're not uh that means you're not competitors, you're partners, you're not on opposite teams, you're building the same life.
30:47
Daniel Moore: And I wanted to have you finish that because we don't want people to think that when you submit that you're okay with being abused, manipulated, controlled.
30:55
Daniel Moore: Oh, absolutely not.
30:56
Daniel Moore: That's not submission.
30:57
Daniel Moore: No, that's cruelty, is what that is.
31:00
Daniel Moore: And there's no place for that whatsoever in a marriage relationship.
31:04
Daniel Moore: Uh, there's no time, any time that it's okay to manipulate, control, and abuse somebody.
31:09
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
31:10
Daniel Moore: And that includes verbal abuse.
31:11
Daniel Moore: That's not just talking about physical, that's any type of abuse that you can throw towards your spouse.
31:17
Daniel Moore: It's that's not God does not tolerate any of that.
31:20
Michelle Moore: That's good.
31:21
Daniel Moore: Um, that has nothing to do with submission.
31:23
Michelle Moore: And that's biblical.
31:25
Daniel Moore: It's very biblical.
31:26
Daniel Moore: And so we just wanted to make sure that we were very clear on that because you know, this submission thing is actually a joke.
31:32
Daniel Moore: Um, a lot of times between spouses, you'll you'll hear the husband make a joke to the wife.
31:37
Daniel Moore: Well, you're supposed to submit to me because the Bible says to you.
31:39
Daniel Moore: You know, they that's just lighthearted bantering and that kind of thing.
31:43
Daniel Moore: But there are some people, though, that actually use this scripture and wield it like a sword, and they try to manipulate their spouses with it.
31:51
Daniel Moore: And that's just not what the intention of this is.
31:53
Daniel Moore: So, you know, different roles don't mean different worth, they just mean different assignments on the same mission.
31:59
Daniel Moore: You and I have the same mission, and we have two different ways of getting there.
32:04
Daniel Moore: That's just that's what this is all about.
32:06
Daniel Moore: And when those roles are lived out the way God intended, the impact is real.
32:10
Daniel Moore: So a husband who leads with love and a wife who responds with respect creates an environment where peace can grow, where kids feel secure, where faith is lived out daily, not just talked about on Sundays.
32:21
Daniel Moore: Marriage isn't just about the two of us, it's shaping everything around us.
32:25
Daniel Moore: But here's where it gets deeper and a little more serious.
32:28
Daniel Moore: It's no surprise that the enemy hates this design.
32:31
Daniel Moore: From the very beginning, Satan's been working to distort what God created in Genesis 3.
32:36
Daniel Moore: We seem step into the first marriage, not just to tempt Eve, but to disrupt the order, the unity and the trust that God had established.
32:43
Daniel Moore: And once that happened, what happened afterwards?
32:47
Daniel Moore: Shame entered, blame followed, and that unity that was between Adam and Eve fractured.
32:53
Daniel Moore: And if we're all honest, we've all seen that same pattern play out in our own homes at times and in other people's lives around us.
33:00
Daniel Moore: A small disagreement turns into a bigger argument, miscommunication turns into an assumption, assumptions turn into distance, and before you know it, you're not even fighting about the original issue anymore.
33:11
Daniel Moore: You're just trying to win the fight.
33:13
Daniel Moore: And that's not accidental, that's strategic.
33:17
Daniel Moore: Because if the enemy can divide a marriage, he can weaken a generation.
33:21
Daniel Moore: And I think that's so important.
33:23
Daniel Moore: A lot of times you and I, if we get into an argument or a fight in the past, it's all it's like we thought we were fighting against ourselves, against each other.
33:31
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
33:31
Daniel Moore: And I think sometimes spouses may look at it that way, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe there's a third party involved in this conflict, this fighting?
33:40
Michelle Moore: I do now.
33:41
Michelle Moore: You better believe it.
33:42
Michelle Moore: I and even when we have our um when we're talking to someone about their marriage, I'm like, the enemy is at work.
33:49
Daniel Moore: Yep.
33:49
Michelle Moore: And it's sometimes that is very he's very good at what he does.
33:54
Daniel Moore: Yep.
33:55
Daniel Moore: And the key to that is what it says in that line right there.
33:57
Daniel Moore: He can weaken a generation.
33:59
Daniel Moore: Yep.
33:59
Daniel Moore: If he can take the mom and dad out, then that affects the kids.
34:03
Daniel Moore: That affects the home.
34:04
Daniel Moore: That affects the grandkids.
34:05
Daniel Moore: That affects everything that happens after that.
34:08
Daniel Moore: And Satan knows it because the family's the front line of spiritual formation.
34:13
Daniel Moore: In Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7, it calls us to teach God's truth in the home in everyday life and normal conversations in the middle of routines.
34:20
Daniel Moore: Strong marriages build strong families, and strong families impact communities, churches, and beyond.
34:27
Daniel Moore: So it's no wonder that Satan targets marriage so aggressively.
34:31
Daniel Moore: He'll attack your communication, he'll twist your expectations, he'll magnify differences, he'll whisper lies like you deserve better, or they'll never change, or this isn't worth it.
34:44
Daniel Moore: But the truth is you're not fighting your spouse, you're fighting for your marriage.
34:48
Daniel Moore: Yes.
34:48
Daniel Moore: And the good news, the enemy doesn't get the final word.
34:51
Daniel Moore: James 4 7 reminds us if we submit ourselves therefore to God, resist the devil, what does he have to do?
34:58
Michelle Moore: Flee from you.
34:59
Daniel Moore: That's right.
35:00
Daniel Moore: He can't stay around anymore.
35:01
Michelle Moore: That's right.
35:02
Daniel Moore: So that means when your marriage is rooted in Christ, it's not just surviving, it's actually equipped.
35:07
Daniel Moore: I love that.
35:07
Daniel Moore: We've got equipped, we've got weapons of our warfare.
35:11
Daniel Moore: We've got battle armor.
35:12
Daniel Moore: You know, we've got, and we're going to get into that eventually in this series.
35:15
Daniel Moore: We have a section on spiritual warfare in our family, and we go through putting the armor of God on as protection in our daily marriages.
35:25
Daniel Moore: We have all of that access to all of that stuff.
35:28
Daniel Moore: And 2 Corinthians 10, 4, and 5 tells us we've been given spiritual weapons with divine power to tear down strongholds.
35:34
Daniel Moore: So when division tries to creep in, you don't just react, you can actually stand firm when that happens.
35:41
Daniel Moore: And I think that if we keep it on our radar that Satan's whole goal is to take us out.
35:47
Daniel Moore: And, you know, you and I, we sometimes even battle harder now because we have ministry than probably than we even did before we had ministry because Satan doesn't like what we're doing.
36:00
Daniel Moore: And we're trying to build marriages, we're trying to help save marriages, we're trying to keep marriages focused on what God's expectations are in a marriage, and Satan doesn't like that.
36:11
Daniel Moore: And so he'll do whatever he can to try to take us out, make us feel exhausted, make us feel like we're not doing any good.
36:17
Daniel Moore: You know, he'll put all those kinds of thoughts and those kinds of things in our mind.
36:21
Daniel Moore: But we know better.
36:23
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
36:23
Daniel Moore: Because we're here, we talked about this, I think it was last week, if I remember right.
36:28
Daniel Moore: We're victorious.
36:29
Daniel Moore: You know, we come into this already a winner.
36:33
Daniel Moore: We we have already won this battle because Christ has won it for us.
36:37
Daniel Moore: It's up to us to stand that ground and stand firm and fight against him and not let him have a foothold in anything that we do.
36:45
Daniel Moore: And so I think if we can say anything about this part of this episode this week, is keep in mind when you're having issues between you and your spouse, um, it's not just the two of you.
36:56
Daniel Moore: Keep in mind that there's probably something else kind of stirring in the background, the atmosphere that you're not seeing, and Satan's sitting there just stirring that pot.
37:04
Daniel Moore: And so don't just go praying against whatever's going on in your marriage, pray against Satan.
37:09
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
37:10
Daniel Moore: Pray against the demonic forces that are coming up against you, bind them in Jesus' name.
37:14
Daniel Moore: And God will do that for you.
37:16
Daniel Moore: And I think if you do that, you'll start seeing a freedom take place in your marriages like you've never seen before.
37:22
Daniel Moore: And so um, we just gotta keep in mind that everything that happens rolls downhill into our kids and our grandkids and onto the next generation.
37:31
Daniel Moore: So somebody has to stop that.
37:32
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and that's us.
37:34
Daniel Moore: So once you go ahead and uh share that next section with us there.
37:39
Michelle Moore: Yeah, God's blueprint for marriage isn't restrictive, it's redemptive.
37:44
Michelle Moore: So whether you're the one fixing the sink or the one fixing the conversation afterward, whether you lead more naturally or support more instinctively, your role matters.
37:56
Michelle Moore: And when both husband and wife walk in humility, grace, and a little bit of humor, because let's be honest, you're going to need it.
38:05
Michelle Moore: You begin to see something beautiful take shape.
38:08
Michelle Moore: Not a perfect marriage, but a purposeful one.
38:12
Michelle Moore: And that's exactly what God designed it to be.
38:16
Daniel Moore: And in order for it to be that, we have to take our roles seriously.
38:20
Michelle Moore: Yes.
38:20
Daniel Moore: We have to stand firm in what God has called us to.
38:23
Daniel Moore: A Christ-centered marriage isn't powerless, it's positioned for victory.
38:28
Daniel Moore: We have to remember that, that when Christ is in the middle of that, um, there's no way that we can lose.
38:33
Daniel Moore: Romans 8.37 says that we're more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38:37
Daniel Moore: And that includes in our marriage not because we'll do everything perfectly, but because God's grace fills those gaps where we fall short.
38:44
Daniel Moore: You know, we're going to make mistakes.
38:46
Daniel Moore: We're going to do things sometimes that's going to cause issues and create problems.
38:51
Daniel Moore: But if we keep Christ first and all of that, he can fill those voids with his mercy and his grace and his love.
38:58
Daniel Moore: And then we sit there and we can watch that whole tapestry just start to mend.
39:02
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
39:02
Daniel Moore: And everything come right back together.
39:04
Daniel Moore: And it creates something beautiful in the end if we allow ourselves to learn from those moments and grow in those.
39:11
Daniel Moore: So, you know, the enemy's going to push against God's design.
39:14
Daniel Moore: He's going to mock it, he's going to distort it, he's going to try to replace it.
39:18
Daniel Moore: But a marriage built on Jesus, one that leans into his design, his truth, and his grace, it's not easily shaken.
39:25
Daniel Moore: And so I think if we keep that in mind, then we can have a great marriage and keep our roles where they need to be.
39:33
Daniel Moore: Anything to add to this week's episode?
39:35
Michelle Moore: It's good.
39:48
Daniel Moore: Well, as we leave this week with part one here of the roles in marriage, just want to remind you, visit our website at marriagelife.com.
39:56
Daniel Moore: And there you can check out everything about our ministry, contact us, purchase our books, find all the platforms that we're on.
40:03
Daniel Moore: There's resources there for different things.
40:06
Daniel Moore: And we also do Simbus, which is premarital counseling as well.
40:10
Daniel Moore: And you can find any information about that on the website also.
40:14
Daniel Moore: And so again, you can check that out at marriagelifeandmore.com.
40:17
Daniel Moore: Like and share these episodes to someone that might need to hear these.
40:21
Daniel Moore: And uh we just pray God's blessings over you as you visit with us each week here, as we share with you here on Marriage Life and More.
40:29
Daniel Moore: Well, as we wrap up this week's episode, here's the heart of it.
40:32
Daniel Moore: Marriage was never meant to be something that you just survive, it's something God designed for you to build with Him.
40:39
Daniel Moore: And yes, some days it's going to feel smooth and in sync, and other days it might feel like you're both holding different instruction manuals and neither one of them is in English.
40:48
Daniel Moore: But you know what?
40:49
Daniel Moore: That's real life.
40:50
Daniel Moore: Even in those moments, God's design hasn't changed and his grace hasn't run out.
40:56
Daniel Moore: So as you go on into this next week, don't focus on getting everything perfect.
41:00
Daniel Moore: Focus on being intentional.
41:02
Daniel Moore: Choose to love when it's inconvenient.
41:04
Daniel Moore: Choose to listen when it would be easier to defend.
41:07
Daniel Moore: Choose to build, not just react.
41:10
Daniel Moore: A strong Christ-centered marriage isn't made in big dramatic moments.
41:15
Daniel Moore: It's formed in the small daily decisions to honor God and each other.
41:20
Daniel Moore: And one more thing to remember you're not fighting your spouse, you're fighting for your marriage.
41:26
Daniel Moore: Keep leaning into God's design, keep showing up with humility and grace, and trust that He is shaping something beautiful in your everyday life.
41:34
Daniel Moore: Now, Michelle and I we're both rooting for you.
41:37
Daniel Moore: And next week we'll catch you on the next episode here on marriage life and more.
41:42
Daniel Moore: That's all for this week.
41:44
Daniel Moore: And as we go, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
41:49
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries.
41:51
Daniel Moore: We pray that you have a blessed week.