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How narcissists feel when you disappear on them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what happens and how do
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  narcissists feel if you disappear on them, if you just
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  ghost them? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, yes, yes, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
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  Before we hop deep into today's episode, y'all, if you haven't
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  already, make sure to check out my kids book on Amazon.
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  Remember, it's not your fault. It's a good conversation starter
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  for you to have those tough conversations with your kids
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  about toxic relationship dynamics, telling the truth,
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  body positivity, all the other good stuff, loving yourself.
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  Remember, it's not your fault. But yes, y'all come on now, come
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  on, come on, come on. What?
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  How do narcissists feel when you disappear on their asses, when
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  you just go ahead and pack your stuff up without them knowing
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  and you vanish without a without a trace?
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  Everybody can't, as I say this, everybody can't vanish without a
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  trace, right? Not every, not every single
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  person can vanish without trace because people have kids, people
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  have careers, people have, you know, different things going on
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  with their narcissistic partner or parent or whoever it is.
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  I understand that, but what happens to if you do?
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  But even if you do have kids, what happens if you leave them
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  without a word? Like of course you had to Co
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  parent with them, you had to contact them later on.
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  But what happens when you do leave that narcissistic person
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  without a without a trace without like you know what I
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  mean? You see what I'm saying?
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  It just it just in this space right here, what would happen
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  right there? A lot of them lose their damn
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  minds. A lot of narcissistic people,
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  their first thought if they come home and you're gone is that you
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  moved on with somebody else. That's the first, the first
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  place a narcissist mind goes. Is it that you have somebody
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  else? Ain't they crazy?
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  Like the first thought is like, damn, you must have somebody
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  else. You can't.
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  You wouldn't leave me for any other reason than you having
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  someone else. That's the only explanation why,
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  right? The only way you would leave me
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  is if you had somebody else on the side, if you had somebody
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  else sit up waiting because guess why?
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  Guess why they think that? Because they would, because the
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  narcissist in your life would have somebody that they might
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  already have somebody else waiting or in the wings.
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  They might have somebody waiting to take over.
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  They might have somebody waiting to do this type of stuff right
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  here. You know what I'm saying?
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  They might have somebody right there waiting, They might have
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  somebody they might have been emotionally grooming someone
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  else to take your space and they weren't ready for you to leave,
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  right? Because they're ready.
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  Being ready for you to leave is one thing.
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  Being UN ready is another. So if they're ready for you to
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  leave, if they've been doing the reverse, the reverse discard and
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  you leave and you ghost them, a lot of them will move on very
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  fast. Y'all, even if you do live,
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  let's say, a lot of them will try to move on very, very fast
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  because they don't want to be by themselves.
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  But if they were not ready for you to leave, they, some of them
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  will still move on fast. Try to move on fast.
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  Try to find a temporary supply, a transitional supply, maybe not
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  somebody that's going to stick with them.
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  Maybe somebody just to get their needs met, whatever those needs
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  are, maybe to somebody to pass the time by, right.
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  If that happens in that space right there, then actually some
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  of them will lose their minds. But some of them will absolutely
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  come after you. They will.
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  Yeah. I'm just telling you, if they're
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  not ready for you to leave, they will come after you.
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  They will try to find you. They'll be reaching out to you.
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  They'll be reaching out to your friends and family.
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  They'll be calling everybody. They'll they'll, they'll try to
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  hunt you down. Like look, they'll try to hunt
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  you down like your damn dog the bounty hunter, like, like you,
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  like you, like you. Jump the bounty and they are Dog
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  the bounty hunter. They're trying to find you.
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  They're calling friends and family members, they're showing
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  up at your they're showing up at your job, they're writing
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  letters, they're doing whatever it takes.
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  They're blowing your phone up from different numbers from text
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  now numbers. They're trying to get in contact
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  with you because guess guess what, Y'all, guess what?
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  Guess what excuse they'll give? Look, can you please just let me
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  know you're safe and they are the person that you need safety
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  from. Can you apply?
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  I just want to know you're safe. Can you please just do me?
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  Can you please do me that favor? If you ever love me, if you ever
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  love me, if you ever had an ounce of love in your heart for
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  me, will you please just let me know you're safe?
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  That's the mentality they want to let.
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  They want you to let them know that you are safe, even though
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  they are the person that you need the most safety from.
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  And this happens to everybody. I'm just telling you, this is
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  the mindset. This is the mentality that so
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  many people face right here. They're like, you leave me.
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  I want to make sure that you're safe.
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  Even though I'm the person that you need safety.
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  I'm the person that you need to be the safety from like this is
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  how they go. This is how they go about doing
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  things. I hate that I hate to do like
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  videos like this because some narcissists right?
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  And let me say this right here. If you disappear on them, if you
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  ghost them, if you move out without letting them know, even
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  if you have to contact them later, not every one of them
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  will try to come after you. And it it is, let me say this
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  y'all, it is not a sign of your worth or of your value if this,
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  if this person does or does not come after you because so many
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  people just like, well, Lee, I didn't get Hoover so they didn't
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  try to come after me. They didn't blow up my phone.
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  They didn't call my parents. They didn't call my friends and
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  family. They didn't call their old
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  friends. They didn't, they didn't try to
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  3rd party Hoover me. So I must not have mattered to
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  them. No, that's not it.
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  Sometimes they look, sometimes their ego gets in the way.
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  It won't allow them to reach out.
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  The shame of rejection, the rejection, the narcissistic
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  injury that you created by leaving them like that is so big
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  that they can't get over it, right?
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  They can't get over, they can't get past it.
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  There's so much shame and anger and embarrassment from this
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  happening. Even if nobody else knows, even
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  if you did it quietly and then tell anybody, they think you
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  told everybody. They think everybody else is
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  going to know. They think their reputation is
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  on the hook right now. So their shame is so high that
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  some of them will not reach out to you, which can cause some of
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  y'all on the other side of things.
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  This can cause some of y'all to get itchy, to get antsy.
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  You like, oh, I need a hit. You mean you start itching.
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  You want to hit, you want to, you want to hit of that
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  narcissism. You want to hit of that
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  narcissist, right? So that when that happens out,
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  this is the space that so many people fall into.
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  Like it really does. Like you reach out to them
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  because they didn't reach out to you because you ghosted them or
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  you were no contact. You disappeared on them from
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  their life. You blocked them on everything.
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  You cut off access. You might reach out to them
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  because they didn't Hoover you. You might reach out to them.
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  Well, maybe I was wrong because it gets confusing.
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  Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they're not a narcissist.
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  Maybe I just overreacted and left.
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  Maybe I left the love of my life behind and somebody I will reach
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  out and some of you will reverse Hoover yourself back in and then
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  you in a bit back in the toxicity again.
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  And guess what happens if you go back, if you disappear on them
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  and you go back to them, they know that you have one foot out
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  the door. So they're going to some of them
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  will try to love bomb you to keep you there, right?
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  Some of them will try to love bomb you to keep you right there
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  with them, while others will just try, while others will love
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  bomb you while trying to find your replacement.
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  Some of them will absolutely be loved by me you while they're
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  trying to find some your replacement.
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  They will because they they think you left before they know
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  that you can leave again. So they think so they're
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  planning a worst case scenario in their heads because you
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  disappeared before, because you with no contact, because you
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  have the ability to leave before.
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  They're going to try to do something to keep you there and
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  they'll be trying to find some something to replace you with,
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  someone to replace you with. Lee, what do you mean by trying
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  to do something, something to keep those that keep us there?
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  They're going to make you make you going to make some type of
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  financial commitment with them or, or, or there's going to be a
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  baby on the way or you'll get married if you haven't already.
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  You renew your vows. You'll do something that makes
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  you feel recommitted to this person.
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  They will do something to you to try to make you feel like you're
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  stuck with them now. You're stuck with me now.
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  You can't leave me now. You can't, like, even if you
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  want to, you can't leave me because we have a baby on the
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  way. They want to make it like even
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  if you already have kids and you go back, they want to put
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  another baby on there, put another baby out there for you
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  just so it's tougher for you to leave now.
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  Yeah. Instead of just having one or
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  two kids, then you got 3, then you got 4, then you got 5.
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  They'll try to baby trap you. The baby traps do.
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  Do they work? Yeah.
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  Baby traps work all the time. When people y'all keep it hiding
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  ready. That's what we do over.
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  Baby traps do work. That's why people do them.
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  They didn't work. People wouldn't do them right.
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  If baby traps didn't work, people wouldn't do them.
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  So they'll try to trap you if you go back.
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  But I said the, the narcissist mind if you disappear on them,
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  if you ghost them, you know, they are so embarrassed, they
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  are so hurt, they're so shy, they, they don't know what to
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  do. So they, they can get very
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  erratic and very impulsive. Some of them can become
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  dangerous because I told you earlier that if they think you
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  have someone else, they could become dangerous, very
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  dangerous. They can act, they can talk to
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  your friends and family with a calm tone.
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  I just want to know where she's at, you know?
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  I just want to know where he is. Please, can you tell me where he
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  is? Because they want to hurt you.
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  Some of them are trying to find where you are because they want
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  to hurt you. Because you bought them so much
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  shame and pain into their life. And yeah, it's well deserved.
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  Because if they were abusing you and you escaped, you survived
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  it. They were going to try like you
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  escaped. They're they're thinking that
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  you're going to expose them. They're thinking that you moved
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  on. They're all these thoughts are
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  running through the narcissist mind where they cannot put a
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  finger on it. So they can become very erratic.
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  Some of them can have a psychotic break where they try
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  to hunt you down and hurt you. So be careful.
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  Even if you have kids, be careful.
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  Make a plan. If you have, if you try to leave
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  them, if it's dangerous for you to leave, if you feel like you,
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  you can't tell them that you're leaving because of safety issues
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  and things like that. Make a plan, tell somebody close
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  to you, you know, hey, do whatever it takes for somebody,
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  somebody close to you to help you out 'cause this is
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  important, y'all? I'm just telling you, this is an
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  important thing. This is an important thing to
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  do. It really, really is.
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  So you have to empower yourself. You have to keep moving.
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  You have to be as strong as you possibly can in these situations
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  because you have to protect your peace.
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  You have to protect your children.
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  You have to protect yourself, you know, because if you don't,
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  who else, who else will? The narcissist, just because
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  they're trying to make sure that you're safe doesn't mean that
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  they want you to be safe from them.
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  They want to like say the same person is hurting.
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  You think that they're going to play the hero in your life.
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  You will have a protector. If you come back home, you're
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  going to, I'm going to change for you, baby.
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  They want to take. Look, the crazy about it is if
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  you disappear on them, not only would they think you ran off
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  with somebody else, they think you're going to expose them.
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  So a lot of times they'll start making promises to change their
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  behaviors when you're not even there anymore.
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  They'll be texting you. They might actually start moving
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  stuff around the house. If you wanted them to paint
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  their their painting, if you wanted to get a new bed, they
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  get a new bed. You want a new TV, they're
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  buying a new TV. They're doing the things that
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  you wanted them to do, but while you were still there, now that
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  you're going to try to entice you back, trying to like kind of
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  like leaving a trail of leaving a little trail of impact.
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  Bread crumbs, little empathetic bread crumbs, little
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  compassionate bread crumbs, little, little, little bait,
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  some bait for you to bite to, for you to reel you, to reel you
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  back into this relationship and to do more harm to you.
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  So you have to protect yourself. You have to protect your piece.
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  You have to protect everything that's going on about you.
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  And I say if you made it this far y'all October, November the
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  Thank y'all so much like subscribe as always.
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• 12:53
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.