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Why Do Narcissists SNAP When You Leave Them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Why do some narcissists snap when you end the relationship,
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  when the relationship is over, when you break up with them,
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  when you quote UN quote discard them?
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  Why do some of them snap and lose they damn minds?
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  That's the topic we're covering today.
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  Y'all. Of course, if you're new here,
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  my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
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  myself. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Go. Let's go.
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  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, those pesky desky, toxic narcissistic people.
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  Why do they constantly snap when the relationship is over?
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  When it ends, y'all let's hop right into it.
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  The way my mind works. I actually saw an article the
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  other day, right? It said leaving is the most
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  dangerous time in a toxic relationship.
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  It was about Forbes on forbes.com.
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  It says toxic, abusive relationships are about power
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  and control. And when you're leaving a toxic
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  relationship or you're trying to leave an abusive relationship,
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  you threaten the power and control that that person
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  originally had over you, right? So if you're threatening, if
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  you're threatening to take back or take or steal, steal your
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  life back from this person, you're taking it.
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  You're taking the control and power away from them.
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  They tend to lose their minds, right?
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  Even if they've been treating you horribly, and I know that's
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  a a lot for people to hear, but I say that even if they've been
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  treating you horribly, some of them do not care how you
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  respond. Some of them do not care how you
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  act. Some of them do not care what
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  they put you through as long as they still have some type of
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  control over you, right? They always want to have some
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  type of control and access to you.
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  So when you leave them, that's why they snap.
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  If all if my life or my identity is so tied to controlling you or
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  controlling someone else and the net control is snatched away
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  from me, I haven't relinquished it.
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  It's snatched away from me. Imagine having your grip on
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  something, right? Remember as a kid you would grab
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  a toy so tightly and then you would not, you would not
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  relinquish your ownership on that toy to share and then
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  somebody had to snatch it away from you.
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  Did you feel good when they snatched it away from you?
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  No, you felt devastated. You felt horrible, felt bad, you
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  felt like, you know, you wanted to punish the other person
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  sometimes, right? That's how the narcissistic mind
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  works a lot of times in these situations.
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  Or the abuser's mindset, right? Not just narcissists, just the
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  abuser mindset. It's just like, I didn't want to
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  relinquish control over this toy, over this person, over this
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  human being that has their, they should have their own autonomy,
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  right? But I haven't relinquished
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  control over this yet. You're taking it away from me,
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  yet the control is being snatched away from me, yet it's
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  being taken out like like say, yet it's being stolen from me.
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  And I don't get a say so in it that happens right there.
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  That's the crux that so many people face right there.
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  It's been taken from me or stolen from me and I have no
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  control over it. So I snap.
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  So I lose my mind, so I can't. I absolutely lose control of
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  everything. And I don't know what to do
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  next. I don't know how to handle this
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  situation. I don't know what to do.
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  So I snap. I try to regain control.
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  I immediately go see to regain control.
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  That narcissist or the abusive person in your past immediately
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  seeks to try to regain control you, right?
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  They try to regain control, they snap and they do all of this
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  stuff. And then once the if you don't
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  get your control back or they can't get control, sometimes
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  they will harm you. I need to make myself clear
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  right there. Sometimes they will absolutely
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  harm you. I literally just watch this
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  story, read another story. I keep these stories are all too
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  common, right? I literally just read a story
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  about a woman who broke up with her boyfriend, left him alone,
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  he was abusive during a relationship, she went and got a
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  restraining order. This man got out, got bonded
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  out, broke the restraining order, got got locked up again
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  for like less than a day, went out, found her again after while
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  he still got a restraining order on him just because she broke up
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  with him, went out, found her again and stabbed her in the
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  parking lot. And that's exactly the same
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  almost exactly the same story I just seen know this other guy
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  literally broke. She broke over him, she got
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  tired and she like it's done. You're being abusive, you being
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  emotionally, physically, physically controlling, you're
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  doing too much. I got to leave, she left.
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  They've been broken up for months.
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  He stalked her. This man popped up at the deli.
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  Her mom was her her. Her and her mother were having
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  lunch at a deli and they all of a sudden they noticed that he
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  was sitting across from them. So they got up and left, didn't
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  say a word to him. They got up and left.
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  He got up and left, ran across the parking lot and started
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  stabbing his ex-girlfriend. Her mom jumped on top of him,
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  fought him off, she got stabbed too.
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  Some innocent bystander, some man ran over there and seen him
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  stabbing and a dude try to stab him too.
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  And they tried to cut his own throat.
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  But he, like I said, he, he didn't unlock himself.
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  He literally just got sentenced to life in prison a few months
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  ago for that. You see what I'm saying?
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  They all, they, they tried to leave.
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  These people tried to leave. They actually did leave.
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  They actually did break up with this person and it was met with
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  violence because they couldn't stand the thought of losing
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  their control. They couldn't stand the thought
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  of losing access. And they also could not stand
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  the thought of someone else getting what the getting what
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  they feel like they belongs to them.
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  If I feel like you belong to me, no one else can have control
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  over you. If I feel like I'm claiming
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  ownership over you, no one else can have that ownership.
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  No one else can have that control.
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  No one else can have that. Only I want it.
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  Only I deserve that. So if you're trying to move on
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  to someone else, how dare you? It's kind of like if you y'all
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  hear this phrase before. I'm gonna say this phrase I'm
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  gonna give you. What phrase am I going to come
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  up with right here? I'm gonna give you 5 seconds to
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  think about it. Have you heard this phrase
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  before? I'm pretty sure most people in
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  the world have heard this phrase before. 54321 go.
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  I know that count was all messed up.
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  If I can't have you, no one will.
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  I know a lot of people have heard their phrase before.
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  And that's the mindset of an abusive, abusive, manipulative,
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  obsessive, controlling person right there.
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  If I cannot have you, no one will.
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  And that's why you see, a lot of times, they'll come out there
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  and they'll unalive you. They'll shoot you, they'll stab
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  you, they'll hunt you down. They'll come to your house,
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  they'll stalk you. And all you try to do is break
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  up with them. And other people don't seem to
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  understand. Just break up with them.
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  Just leave them. It'll be OK.
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  Just leave. Yeah, I understand.
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  Some people are trying to give you good advice and trying to
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  help you escape or whatever, but sometimes escaping is more than
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  just one thing. Escaping is a accumulation of
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  actions that need to be taken. Escaping a toxic dynamic is you
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  have to protect yourself while you're out of the relationship
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  as well. Post separation abuse is
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  stalking. It's controlling type of stuff.
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  It's calling you, texting you wondering where you are, put in
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  an air tag in your car following you to work.
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  They know your patterns. So if you're leaving a toxic
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  relationship right and then you feel like this person has the
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  propensity to snap and take your life or to become dangerous make
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  you have to change your patterns up.
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  Y'all I'm not telling you to move and you know all the other
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  stuff but you have to change your patterns up.
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  If you everyday leave the house at 7:55 AM to go to work, you
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  might need to leave at 7:30, you might need to leave at 7:15, you
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  might need to leave at 8:00 or you might need put one them, put
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  one of them, click, click on them, pop house Pew pews in your
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  purse or your backpack and then you might have to use that
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  thing. Protect yourself, man.
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  I've heard all these crazy ass stories of people like left
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  leaving abusive relationships, dropping the kids off and the ex
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  shows up and burn so shows up and sets the whole car on fire
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  with the wife and kids in it. That's crazy.
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  These people are obsessive, they're abusive, they're
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  controlling, and sometimes people don't believe you when
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  you're telling your story or sharing your story about this
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  stuff that has happened to you. People don't believe you.
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  They're like, why? Why would you stay in there?
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  Well, I would have left immediately.
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  I can't believe you stayed in there.
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  Wow, Is it is that really true? If that's true, you're to blame
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  too. Why would you stay in there
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  right there? Why would you go?
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  Why would you do that? I'm just telling you, it's hard
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  to leave a toxic relationship. So if you're out here, if you're
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  one of those people that are out here that is out here telling
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  people to just leave, you have become part of the part part of
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  the problem, right? If you want somebody to leave a
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  touch relationship, provide them a safe place, provide them some
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  type of comfort, provide them some type of community or some
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  type of an ear to cry, an ear to listen to our shoulder to cry
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  on, some type of financial help if they need it, right?
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  You know, law enforcement help, whatever it takes to help this
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  person, to help the person you care about, you need to do that
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  as opposed to blaming the person about staying in a relationship
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  that they're trying to leave if they want, if they're showing
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  you that they have, that they want to leave, you have to be up
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  here to help them, right? You don't want to just blame
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  them and blame them and blame them because that makes it less
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  likely that they're going to leave.
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  And also, it's dangerous. Y'all, I got to say it.
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  I can't just hold them in. Some of these bastards are
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  dangerous as hell. They're crazy.
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  They're literally insane, right? And it's scary as hell to leave
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  this type of person. And they and they, they want
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  that fear to cripple you, cripple you.
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  They want the fear that they'll do something to you to cripple
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  you from, to keep you from leaving.
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  Sometimes they'll tell you if you leave me, I'll harm you.
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  If you leave me, I'll hunt you down.
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  If you leave me, I'll take your life.
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  If you leave me, I'll take your life and the kids life.
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  There's nothing you can do to stop me.
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  If they are saying things like that.
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  I'm telling you I don't put any. I don't put anything past
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  anyone. If they're saying things like
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  that, chances are they'll do it. And I'm not saying for you to
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  stay in a relationship out of fear.
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  I'm saying to make a plan, arm yourself, protect yourself and
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  stay safe as possible because some of these bastards are
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  absolutely out of they damn minds.
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  They will take your kids lives, they will take your life and
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  they will end theirs. He's like this family
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  annihilators are absolutely real.
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  You can't let. If I can't have you, no one
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  will. Even though I've been treating
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  you horribly, you belong to me and no one else.
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  It's a crazy ass mindset so. And sometimes it doesn't even
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  matter how long you've been in a relationship.
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  This can be a new relationship. Y'all could be in together for
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  2-3 months and they start acting like this.
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  But the first time you see a red flag or something that makes you
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  uncomfortable that makes you think this, they say something
• 10:46
  like that as a joke. It's not fucking sweet.
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  I know some people just like, oh, they're just sweet.
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  They just care about me so much. No, it's not sweet.
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  It's insecurities. Mask as sweet as sweetness.
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  It's danger, but it's they, it's safety with a day.
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  Well, it's danger with a cute mask on, right?
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  It's dangerous. These people are dangerous as
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  hell and will take your life. They'll take your kids lives.
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  So if you're leaving a toxic relationship, be as safe as you
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  possibly can. Get help, get resources.
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  And I know some of these resources, some of these police
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  departments are not here to help you.
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  They will put the they, they will slap slap somebody with a
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  restraining order, no jail time and put it right back on the
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  streets to come take your life. No, like not even bail.
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  Dude had a like they dude had like a $1500 bail to get out of
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  jail from breaking the restraining order immediately
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  got out of jail and when it took some lives.
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  So we have to be careful here. Y'all the help I say I want you
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  to be as safe as you is humanly possible.
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  I want you to protect yourself. I want you to be live happily
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  ever after. You know what I mean, y'all, But
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  also y'all, the podcast is dropping soon.
• 11:47
  The mental illness podcast. Y'all gonna hear some Y'all
• 11:49
  gonna hear some stories about survivors and thrivors on there.
• 11:51
  You'll hear things, all things, all mental health related,
• 11:54
  right? You're gonna hear a lot of
• 11:55
  different things, y'all. So if you haven't already, make
• 11:57
  sure you hit the subscribe button, turn on those
• 11:59
  notifications so you don't miss an episode.
• 12:01
  I really, truly appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 12:02
  And as always, y'all, as always, mental illness.net, everything,
• 12:05
  mental illness.net, everything. But always mental illness is
• 12:08
  out. Peace.