Latest / Pathological Positivity / Perfect By Design – with Robin Ammerman – Episode #688
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio, episode 688, Perfect by Design with Robin Ammerman. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life with another episode of Live on Purpose Radio. Joining me today on the mic is a dear friend of mine. This is someone who I connected with, it's probably been a couple of years ago now, as a certified positivity practitioner, a master coach. Robin, that's not where you started. Folks, this is Robin Ammerman. She is a coach. She's a certified positivity practitioner and just a genuinely awesome human being. Robin, welcome to Live On Purpose Radio. Thank you, doctor Paul. So glad to be here. Hey. You know what? We're going to start out here with an acknowledgment. The title of our episode today is Perfect by Design. And you and I were having a conversation recently about, actually, last week's podcast episode that I did with Ben Care. And Ben was born with, a condition called CRUZON syndrome or CRUZON's abnormality, which affects primarily his face and his eyes, and he's... He looks very different from most people. Robin, you were born with an anomaly. Right? Right. And so when you listen to my interview with Ben, you made some connections there. Can you tell us just a little bit about yours and what that is? Well, my anomaly is my hands. I would warm the two big fingers. And specifically your right hand. Specifically. Now I've got you on video, and the people behind the scenes here can see that. But what you're showing us is that your right hand has several of the fingers, which are abnormally large, and they have some different shape to them. This is something that you were born with. And and, Robin, I'm sure as a little girl and as you've been growing up through your life, you've always thought, oh, this is so cool. This is so awesome. I just love my hand. Or not. No? Tell us about your experience with that, Robin. Well, as a kid, even my own brothers and sisters, of course, I didn't take it in any bad way toward them, tease me about it. And, but that was kind of a fun tease. I mean, you know, they were my brothers and sisters, but when I started the school, the cruelty started of everybody just making fun, calling me big fingers, calling me names, wouldn't come close to me. And, as I entered into middle school and high school, I always felt so alone because I could... You know, I knew guys liked me, but as soon as they saw my hand, they backed up because of what the other kids were saying. They wouldn't even attempt to ask me out or anything. So I just I just felt so alone in this world with this deformity. And I didn't understand it at that time, what it was all about. And I learned to be very ashamed of it. You know, as as we were talking earlier about my interview with Ben Care, who carried it on his face. Now you carried it on your right hand, and it's an anomaly. And the... What that word means is it's different from what we might expect or from what we would consider normal. Right? But normal just means most people look like this. And so an anomaly means, well, I look different from this. And it doesn't mean anything about who you are inside or what you're capable of, but what I've noticed is that it causes you to stand out. Now, Robin, when we first met, we... As we were getting to know each other, I noticed your hand. I did. It causes you to stand out a bit, doesn't it? It does. Now is that a good thing or a bad thing or a neutral thing? I think that at one time, it it was a bad thing because I didn't understand. So I I think at one time, it it was a bad thing for me, and it it made me, even to this day, want to hide it and want to kinda cover it up when I was sitting. And sometimes I wouldn't and people would notice it, but then most people didn't. You know? Right. Now at at one point, I gave you some feedback, and I'm just gonna invite you to share as much or as little of that story as you'd like to. But we were together in a retreat, a multiple day retreat, where you were working on your certification to become a master coach, certified positivity practitioner. And I made a comment to you about your hand. Do you remember that? I do. And you said it made me beautiful. And, specifically, I was referring to your hand. I know you were. That's what you said. And I never had anybody do that or say anything like that. I just had people either... Most people would just stare. I would rather people ask, but most people would just stare. Right. It's become part of your identity, meaning it's a part of who you are. Now there were times when you wanted to change it, or you wanted to fix it, or you wanted it to be normal. Is that fair to say? It is. And I remember feeling this, Robin, and I don't think I'm the only one. But I remember feeling that this is a unique feature of a person that I have come to love and appreciate for so many other reasons, but it's a feature that helps you to stand out. In fact, when I was, interviewing Ben Kerr last week, and his movie, the documentary about his life is titled Stand Out. This is something that allows you to stand out. And it it it was a little bit of a trick question, Robin, earlier when I said, is this a good thing or a bad thing or a neutral thing? Because, actually, it's neutral. Right? Right. It is what it is. And for you, for a long time, it was not a good thing. I'm curious. Is that changing for you? Well, it is changing for me. How so? Well, you know, I had... I was married to a man that... When I look back now, he accepted me so for who I was. It didn't matter to him about my hand. I always felt so safe and protected with him. And then when I lost him, the man of my dreams, the love of my life, died in my arms on September 1729 to a brain tumor. I began to feel so unsafe and so unprotected, and the world began to feel so cruel to me again. And then my identity is who God created me to be, and this is who he created me to be. And I started thinking for our our conversation just prior to this podcast as we was talking about, oh my gosh. I've hidden this thing for so long. And now the more grown up adults, most of them don't do that, that I hang with it. They do... I'm not hanging with them, but, you know, my gun, but Right. Right. So they just learned to appreciate me for who I am, but it it all of a sudden made me recognize all the stuff that we're going through in the positivity practitioner certification course and everything. It made me start thinking of the things that you teach us. I'm grateful. I started going, oh, the undeniable strength and courage that I have happens to come from this also. Because to be who we are as coaches, we have to have an incredible amount of strength to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable takes enormous strength. And, and I just... I was like, just a few minutes ago and thirty minutes ago, we were on the podcast, I was going, oh, I didn't even wanna put a post up about it on Facebook because I was like, I took a picture of it and I said it's so ugly. And then I started thinking, oh, lord. Look what you're doing with me in this world. You take something I thought was bad and you're making good of it. Oh my gosh. You have put such supernatural, extraordinary gift that you have given me. It's making me who I am, and it's making me stand out so that people notice the value that I have to offer them. And it's all about them. It's not about me. I made this hand about me and about what I thought about it. That in itself saying that I can't even... That is so healing just having this interview with you. Well, that just struck me, Robin, when you said I was making it about me. And I hadn't thought of it in in those terms, but I think you just nailed it because we look at our anomalies. Now may I just interject also, if everyone's hand looked like your hand, that would be normal. And the... And then you would be saying, well, my left hand is the anomaly. Look at these tiny little fingers. Right? So it's just whatever we're trained, taught, and educated to accept as normal, you are making it about you. You are pronouncing a judgment on it as recently as whenever you took that picture of that ugly. And when you're getting past that, it's fun, Robin, because even as we're having this conversation, I'm seeing the lights go on for you. This is one of the things I love about interviewing fellow practitioners and coaches because I can see that process happening is you accept this as a beautiful, divinely designed aspect of you, then you show up differently, and you're able to liberate other people in a similar way. What are you noticing about that? Well, I didn't notice how it was holding me back. But now I'm noticing that. Interesting. How it's how it's like... I'm I'm like... My momentum gets going, then I get scared, and I pull back. And this is one of the things that, I'm just haven't been happy with who I am now. A lot of things in my life have changed, and I'm happy with a lot of things. But like we talked about earlier, when you become a positivity practitioner, you accept God in your life or whatever, everything changes. You grow, your personal growth, your mental growth, your spiritual growth. And I just... I I never thought about it. I do not to shine coming up in a few months with all these people with these disabilities. I take this kid who has Down syndrome, and I just never realized how much I fit in with them. I mean, how different we all are. And I'm like, this is really good. I love it because I love these people. You know, Robin, I've I've considered also other aspects of your story and how I know that one of the main topics that you speak about and you are helping people in in really powerful ways has to do with mental health and especially suicidal tendencies or thoughts because you've been there too. I know your suicide attempt, and I'm just revealing that to, you know, people. You haven't said anything about that, but I know that you speak about this publicly. You speak about this publicly because instead of being ashamed of that, which maybe you were for a time, you've come to embrace that as part of your divine experience here, that you are perfect by design. Meaning, if you really believe that you have a creator who who did this on purpose for a purpose, then this is all part of your perfect design. And if you don't make it about you, you know, like you said earlier, if you're willing to look beyond this and see what lives can be blessed and lifted and elevated and probably even saved, that changes the game. And I've seen you step up and do that on that front too. I mean, in that way, you know, your suicide experience, that attempt is kind of like the hand. It's something that's an anomaly, meaning, you know, it's out of the norm that we would expect or that we've been trained, taught, and educated. But you're also finding that there's a lot of people out there who are in that place, and they're waiting for the permission to think about it differently. And I think that's part of the the power of your message, Robin. Is is there something you'd like to say along those lines to share with our listeners here today? Well, you know, in working with people who are addicted and suicidal, and I've been both, addicted to painkillers prescription for ten years, abused them to feel better. And, so, what what just hit me was as I work with these people and been coaching them for a year and a half now, this one community, it it wasn't about my husband's death. It was and it wasn't. It left me bare and raw to go back into my unprotected self and my childhood and my trauma. Mhmm. As a child, that formed me by the opinions of others. Now I strive to let those opinions go and believe in my creator who created me because it is such a disrespect to my God who created me different to be here on this earth to be something different than I am, which we we all tend to do that. We let the opinions and beliefs to other people. If we would just talk to our God about it and just say what pleases him instead of what pleases other people. And he directs my steps every day, so he's shown some great faith there. So why not trust him? You know, one of the... I've... Just sitting here thinking about my own experience with you, Robin, and as I listen to your mastery of the southern accent And as I see your hand and as I reflect on your experience with being suicidal, and all of these things are part of the the greater perfect design of who Robin Ammerman is. And I don't know that I'd recognize you without those features. It's all part of who you are. And then what really matters is the way that you show up and accept that about yourself. You've had some insights about this, that it's about me accepting me. Right? Yes. I mean, it's... Yes. I mean, I mean, because of of judgment and the harsh cruelty of this world. And and I I don't think that a lot of times people do it on purpose. They don't know how to handle it either. So I'm not... I'm putting the blame. I just wanna accept me for who I am. And if anybody else doesn't, that's their problem. Well, that puts you in a powerful position. It's kinda like... Do you remember as we're raising kids? I know you've probably experienced this as a parent too, where it's like, okay. Do as I say, not as I do. Right? I mean, it's easy for parents or leaders. Hey. Go do this, and I'm not willing to do that myself. And I think this empowering message that we bring to our clients or to our fellow human beings of you are good the way you are and accept yourself. Oh, I'm not gonna accept me, but you should accept you. Right? Do you see the disconnect there? It's it's so powerful what you're suggesting here that as we make it not about us, that we're willing to accept ourselves in all of our perfect imperfections that we that we are designed on purpose to be perfectly fit to whatever our purpose is. And and that opens up all kinds of possibilities. Robin, you've got a powerful message. I know that you're passionate about it. As we come to the conclusion of our conversation here today, and we're not done, we're gonna keep talking. Right? What is it that's coming into your mind that you want to leave our dear listeners with today? What is it that you're hoping that they'll take from their interactions with us today? I hope that you'll leave here understanding that your imperfections is what makes you who you are, and it's your strength. It's not a weakness. Oh, imperfections are such beauty. I'm just looking... I'm thinking that for the first first time now. Oh my gosh. How great is this? I was like, I'm really... I'm okay. You know what, Rob? That's one of the things I love about this podcast because we're talking about things that are obvious but unnoticed. We're talking about eternal principles and truths that can liberate us as we get connected to them. And sometimes just having the conversation helps to bring that to the surface so that we can actually own it. And it's a beautiful process. You know what I wanna do now? What's that? I always wanted to paint my fingernails, but I always was ashamed of my right hand. I'm gonna go paint my fingernails on both hands. What? Hopefully, I can show them for y'all on Thursday. That is so cool.... My fingernails. Cool. Own it. Own it. Ain't that great? And dear listeners, you're considering what are my anomalies? And go back and listen to my interview with Ben Care last week too because it ties right into this. I look at what Ben's doing. Robin, I look at what you're doing. As we get out of our own way, as we embrace and accept our own anomalies, whatever those might look like, it puts us in a powerful position to liberate others. And we realize, like you so skillfully said earlier, Robin, it's not about me. That is beautiful. Alright, you guys. You've heard it. You've pondered it. You've probably been touched by it like I have. It's time for us to go apply it and live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.