Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / The Seasons of Relationships

Transcript

The Seasons of Relationships · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberation Podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Anna Hartle, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations lead to you right there.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: In thoughtful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, and welcome back to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about the seasonality of relationships, seasons in our relationships.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: All relationships go through shifts and changes.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: All relationships move through or navigate seasons.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just like in nature.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we step back, sometimes we step forward, sometimes we do a little sidestep, but all relationships go through phases or what I like to call seasons.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So spring.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Spring is the beginning, the birth of the relationship.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Everything's new, it's all exciting.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Spring is when we experience and really take delight in all of the firsts.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: First kiss, first day or first date, perhaps, and then first kiss.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: First night together, first time we introduce our partner to our friends or our family.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Spring is when we're learning about each other, about ourselves, discovering new things about not only our partner, but about ourselves and about being in relationship.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we really grow and flourish together.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Spring is all about exploration, uncovering, discovery.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we learn and discover new things about each other: our likes, our dislikes, our quirks, our values, our goals.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a time of growing together when we start to intertwine or entwine into each other's lives.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So spring is all about growth, discovery, exploration, learning.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Then comes summer.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Summer is the beautiful, warm, glorious glow of the honeymoon phase where everything is rosy, including those proverbial rose-colored glasses we tend to pop on in our summer phase.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Summers when we're living a beautiful, harmonious existence where we're in total sync with one another, and our partner can do no wrong.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: All the small annoyances or quirks or idiosyncrasies are allowed to just slide on past in the summer haze.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: The honeymoon phase of summer is where we really get busy building on the learning and growth and the intimacy of our spring and grow, create a bank of really sunny, happy, beautiful memories.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Memories that will memories and shared experiences that help sustain the relationship through any tricky times or challenging times that might come.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings us, of course, to autumn.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I always think of autumn as a shedding and a releasing and a letting go when I think of autumn in nature, and it's quite similar in relationship seasons.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn is the shedding, the releasing.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's where the cracks start to appear.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we start to see or acknowledge our partner's flaws or imperfections.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's when those quirks or idiosyncrasies that in our summer season we tended to just gloss on over with our beautiful rosy coloured summer glasses on, it's when they become real for us.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn's also when we each let our guard down a little since we're we're no longer on the very best behaviour of spring or summer.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And those small quirky habits or idiosyncrasies or annoyances that in summer were kind of cute or overlooked.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn's when these become kind of grumbling or rumblings.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's when judgment and scrutiny or questioning or doubts creep in.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn's when those doubts come in.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's the season when our emotions go a bit deeper and run a bit higher than the simplicity of spring and summer.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So in our autumn phase, when we start to see our partners' faults or flaws, imperfections, this is when disagreements surface and more complex emotions come to the surface and need to be navigated.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: In nature, autumn's a time of breaking down and small deaths.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also it's also about making space for a rebirth and a renewal.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: So in our relationship seasons, autumn's the time when we find ourselves thinking things like, he's not the man I first fell in love with, he's changed, she's different, and that's all true.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing, so have you.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Change is change is you know the one thing that we can be certain of in life and in our relationships.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not the only thing, but one thing that we can absolutely be certain of.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: We'll grow, we learn, we develop, we change because we're in relationship with another person.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And change is not a bad thing because it can actually be leading us towards or closer to our authentic self.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the autumn, the shedding of autumn, allows us to bring forth our real authentic self and really bring that to the relationship.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: So autumn's when we start to, as I said, deal with those deeper, more complex emotions of a lasting connection, a lasting relationship.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We deal with the complexities of a longer-term relationship between two imperfect humans navigating a life together as best they can.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the real beauty of autumn is that autumn's shedding, autumn's releasing can actually be a letting go of what's no longer aligned with who we are and who we are becoming.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn in a relationship can be a shedding of anything that is not really deeply and truly serving your connection to one another and to building the relationship that you most want to build.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So even though it is, as I said earlier, a season of little mini deaths, it's also a season that allows the spaciousness or allows the space for a rebirth.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then of course, there's winter.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Winter is really where we let go of the idea that our partner and our relationship is perfect.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Winter's often the time, the first time we really show up or reveal the true depth and range of our emotions.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's no hiding in the season that is winter.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: If we're angry, if we're upset, if we're frustrated, if we're let down, we reveal it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's no hiding it.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings up a fear that it might be gone for good.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be a season of loneliness and a season of scarcity and a season of fear.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Winter can bring with it the cold shoulder, a hibernation and solitude.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it can also bring really deep introspection, leading us to look really closely at ourselves, at our inner work, at doing the healing, as well as look really closely at our relationship.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: We tend in winter to look at the scarcity, to look at the lack.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that cold darkness of a winter season leads us or offers us the opportunity for facing, I guess, the truth and the truth of our relationship and of our emotions.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: It gives us a chance to face our own flaws and imperfections.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Where autumn is all about looking at the cracks in the relationship and often looking at the flaws and imperfections of our partner, winter affords us the solitude to go inwards and look at our own flaws and imperfections.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's a chance to look deeply inward and do the healing work that we need to do to emerge.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the solitude of winter, that introspection, can really lead us to uncover and reveal the true depth of our feelings.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Winter really allows us a chance to show up authentically in all of our glorious and messy human imperfection, having already shed our autumn leaves and been laid bare.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So winter can be, yeah, lonely, but also a really vulnerable time in our relationships.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, for some relationships, winter does signal an ending.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn's release, autumn's shedding, autumn's little mini deaths lead us to a winter where there's a recognition that there's not going to be a read a rebirth.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: That winter for that relationship is the end.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: An autumn and a winter navigated with kindness and compassion, both for yourself and for the other person in the relationship, does bring a kind of rebirth.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: A rebirth, if not of this particular relationship, but an opportunity for rebirth for you.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if we can ride out our winter with love and compassion, with understanding and gentle, kind, compassionate conversations between the two of us, if we can turn towards our partner in the coldness of winter, if we can seek the warmth of each other and you know build connection, build and be the fire that sustains each other through that winter season, if we can hold each other and warm each other through winter, turning towards each other for that warmth enables us, enables the relationship to ride out the hibernation of the winter season.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: If when we're in winter we notice patterns or behaviors that are not aligned with who we most want to be, with how we most want to show up in our relationship, if we can notice these patterns and behaviours in not only our partner but also in ourselves, if we can use our winter season to tend to them and heal them, then we give ourselves and our relationship the chance of a second spring.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if you find yourself in a season of winter in your relationship where you can't see or feel the sun of summer and you are seeking the rebirth of spring, it's a chance for you to pause.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: To pause and reflect and wait for those wintery storm clouds to pass.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real opportunity, it is a chance to rebuild the warmth between you, to reconnect, to turn towards one another and be each other's warmth and path out of winter, out of winter and towards a second spring.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because our second season of spring also brings opportunity, but the opportunity of renewal and rebirth, it's a chance to accept your partner for who they are rather than who you thought they would be.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a chance to let go of your desire to change or shape or improve them, but to really deeply accept who they are and honor all of them so they can do the same for you.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Our second spring allows us to really open up, to really open your heart, to let go of the judgments, the expectations, all the shoulds, all the ought to's.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real chance to define the relationship that you both want to create.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: By accepting that person standing across from you in your second spring, that person you're sharing the journey with, who, just like you, is a glorious and imperfectly perfect human doing the best they can to love you.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Accepting them opens you up to that rebirth of a second spring.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're doing their best to love you just as you are doing your best to love them.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Creating that deeply connected, fulfilling, and soulful relationship that we crave really requires us to embrace the changes of the seasons, to accept them as part of the journey.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Embracing the changes and overcoming those challenges of autumn and winter enables us to move through to a second spring and grow together rather than grow apart.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And as I said in the beginning of this episode, one of the things that is consistent in life and of course in relationships is change.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: So accepting and really honouring change in your relationship as a normal part of your journey means that you can keep creating that deep and long-lasting connection that feeds your soul, a connection that lasts over time, over the seasons.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because the other thing about seasons of relationships, and again, I mentioned it earlier in the episode, is that it's not a straight path, it's not a linear journey.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just roll through the seasons and get to our second spring and we're all done.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: There will be times in any relationship that feel a bit a bit autumn or a bit winter, and rolling with those changes, turning towards one another and being each other's warmth through the winter means that we again grow together.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: We hibernate, sure.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: We go inward for a period of time, but then we turn back towards one another for the warmth and to lead us out of that hibernation and into a new version or a new phase, a new season.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you found this helpful not only in recognizing perhaps which season of relationship you're in at the moment, but it can also be a really powerful way to communicate with your partner, particularly if you're in a winter or autumn season in your relationship.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's the season that you feel you're in with your relationship, if you're in a winter season or an autumn season, and particularly if you're wondering whether the winter is the signal of the end, I have a free quiz and I'll drop the I'll drop the link in the show notes.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's should I stay or should I go?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Free quiz, which can help you answer some of those questions for yourself.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not only will it help you answer the should I stay or should I go question, but it will indicate and will point out the things that are going well for you in your relationship.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it might just be what you need to turn back towards one another and to create the warmth that leads you out of your winter.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, beautiful, I'll drop the link in the show notes.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: If it's for you or for someone you know, please feel free to share.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you've enjoyed this episode and I look forward to catching you in another episode very soon.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next month for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.