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Family Therapy: The Gathering - A New Family · The Breakfast Club

0:02
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm Elliot Connie, and this
0:06
Speaker 1: is season two of Family Therapy. We have a new
0:09
Speaker 1: family joining us this season. I think I would describe
0:12
Speaker 1: as family as being without an anchor, and a really
0:19
Speaker 1: really healthy family will we'll have something of a matriarch
0:26
Speaker 1: or a patriarch that brings a family together for family
0:30
Speaker 1: routines and family events, like for example, you might have
0:34
Speaker 1: like a grandmother and everybody everybody congregates there for Christmas,
0:39
Speaker 1: or you might have a grandfather and everybody congregates there
0:43
Speaker 1: for a July fourth celebration, or maybe one of the
0:48
Speaker 1: fathers or aunts and uncles. But there's there's something that
0:51
Speaker 1: becomes like the center point or the anchor of the
0:55
Speaker 1: family that causes the family to reconnect and stay connected.
1:00
Speaker 1: And I think the best way I'd describe this family
1:03
Speaker 1: as being without those anchor points and you have people
1:09
Speaker 1: that it's almost like we love each other, but we
1:12
Speaker 1: don't know how to build a routine that includes one another.
1:17
Speaker 1: And I think that started early on from the father
1:22
Speaker 1: of the adult children that will be featured in this season,
1:27
Speaker 1: because the family was very disconnected almost from the very beginning.
1:33
Speaker 1: This family never really learned how to build routines and relationships.
1:38
Speaker 1: And I think this was a journey of not just reconnecting,
1:46
Speaker 1: but in the reconnection, learning how to build habits and
1:52
Speaker 1: routines that sustain the reconnection.
2:04
Speaker 2: Jaman, this is my sister, my brother, my nephew. I
2:09
Speaker 2: begged for them to be here, so I'm truly grateful.
2:13
Speaker 2: I'm the youngest on my dad's side. They're the oldest.
2:19
Speaker 3: Hi, my name is Gladys. I'm super excited to be
2:22
Speaker 3: here with my family. I am my father's second eldest
2:28
Speaker 3: of the girls, so I'm just really grateful for this opportunity.
2:35
Speaker 3: I'm so happy. When Jasmine told me and I was like, yeah,
2:39
Speaker 3: I was really excited to even hear that I had joined.
2:42
Speaker 3: And I was like, all right, Auntie, all right, gathering
2:46
Speaker 3: us all up.
2:46
Speaker 4: I see, I'm the oldest from my father.
2:49
Speaker 5: I'm Chris, so I was the and I don't know
2:54
Speaker 5: if I'm the last one to be found. We have
2:56
Speaker 5: a mystery sibling, so we don't know yet. We have
2:59
Speaker 5: a mystery sibling out there, so it might be the
3:02
Speaker 5: second to last. But it was wild for the founder.
3:07
Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, how long how long has it been since
3:10
Speaker 1: you've been found Chris.
3:11
Speaker 5: Well, shoot, almost like twenty years. I was in my
3:14
Speaker 5: mid thirties, so I'm like fifty two getting up there.
3:18
Speaker 4: But but yeah, twenty years.
3:22
Speaker 6: Hey, yeah, I'm going by Elisha, and I guess I'm
3:26
Speaker 6: the odd one out because I don't have any siblings.
3:28
Speaker 6: So yeah, I am what's it called twenty two years old? Now?
3:33
Speaker 6: Just turned twenty two a couple of months ago, and
3:35
Speaker 6: you know, Auntie Jasmine came here and asked me to join.
3:39
Speaker 6: At first I was a bit skeptical, but after learning
3:42
Speaker 6: I can you know, have being more non ins I
3:44
Speaker 6: was like, oh, okay, I'm fine, coming on.
3:46
Speaker 1: I love it. And so you know you're not one
3:50
Speaker 1: of their siblings, So what is your familial connection?
3:53
Speaker 6: Gladys is my mom and uncle Chris is my uncle.
4:00
Speaker 1: Elijah is a young man on a journey of authenticity that,
4:05
Speaker 1: for one reason or another, some things have happened along
4:08
Speaker 1: his journey that make it hard for him to be
4:10
Speaker 1: his authentic self. It makes it hard for him to
4:13
Speaker 1: express his wants, needs, emotions, especially when those emotions might
4:16
Speaker 1: be negative, and also needing to remind himself that the
4:22
Speaker 1: things that bring him happiness and joy are things he
4:26
Speaker 1: needs to make sure are a part of his life.
4:29
Speaker 1: Gladys is intense. Gladys loves her family so much that
4:38
Speaker 1: I think sometimes some of her siblings and some of
4:41
Speaker 1: the family members experience her love is abrasive, and experience
4:47
Speaker 1: her language and her desires for them as abrasive. And
4:52
Speaker 1: I think I think Gladys needed to learn throughout this
4:55
Speaker 1: journey patience to allow people, autonomy, to allow people to
5:02
Speaker 1: be who they are supposed to be, and she does
5:07
Speaker 1: not have to control each and every detail.
5:11
Speaker 7: Chris.
5:12
Speaker 1: Chris is interesting to me because I think Chris he
5:15
Speaker 1: has such leadership qualities and such a desire to be
5:20
Speaker 1: the leader, to be the patriarch, if you will, and
5:24
Speaker 1: I think his journey is about learning how to do
5:27
Speaker 1: that and to bring people in and to be the
5:31
Speaker 1: person that the younger generation in the family can look
5:36
Speaker 1: up to and depend on to keep them to continue
5:40
Speaker 1: to function with routines that are good and healthy for
5:43
Speaker 1: a family. Jasmine is also on a journey, maybe not
5:47
Speaker 1: so much of a journey of authenticity as I described
5:50
Speaker 1: with Elijah, but potentially more so a journey of self
5:54
Speaker 1: confidence and self esteem, a journey of realizing her own
5:59
Speaker 1: truth and her own payer hour and realizing that though
6:03
Speaker 1: mistakes have been made throughout life, like you can still
6:05
Speaker 1: be the things that you want to still be and
6:09
Speaker 1: make yourself and others proud of you. I think the
6:16
Speaker 1: biggest challenge is how easy it is to not build
6:24
Speaker 1: family sustaining routines. Like we live in a world where
6:28
Speaker 1: it's just so easy to like live our own lives
6:30
Speaker 1: and be in our own silo and just be in
6:32
Speaker 1: our own bubble. And if you do that, before you
6:35
Speaker 1: know what, you're going to turn around and that cousin
6:38
Speaker 1: you knew when they were two is now twenty two,
6:42
Speaker 1: or that uncle you haven't seen in you know, however
6:47
Speaker 1: long is now passed away. Like it's just so easy
6:53
Speaker 1: to just live our own lives and to be in
6:56
Speaker 1: our own bubble. And I think the biggest challenge is
7:02
Speaker 1: when you are working to reconnect with family, you have
7:06
Speaker 1: to do some really uncomfortable work, which is I have
7:10
Speaker 1: to step outside my bubble and do actions that I
7:14
Speaker 1: wouldn't ordinarily do to reconnect with family. And the other
7:18
Speaker 1: thing you have to do is you have to expose
7:21
Speaker 1: yourself to hurts because one of the things that the
7:24
Speaker 1: family experienced throughout this journey was rejection, because what happens
7:32
Speaker 1: when you reach out to that cousin or that uncle
7:34
Speaker 1: or that aunt or that you know, long long lost
7:38
Speaker 1: sibling you haven't talked to in a minute. You reach
7:41
Speaker 1: out to them and they don't return your phone call,
7:42
Speaker 1: don't return your text message, or something gets lost in
7:46
Speaker 1: translation because we're not super bonded, and you get your
7:50
Speaker 1: feelings hurt, Like you have to expose yourself to being hurt,
7:54
Speaker 1: to being rejected, and most people that's not a fun
7:58
Speaker 1: experience to do. And I think the biggest challenge was
8:01
Speaker 1: overcoming all of that and being like, in spite of
8:05
Speaker 1: it being uncomfortable, in spite of it being unusual, it
8:09
Speaker 1: is valuable and we must do it. So I just
8:21
Speaker 1: want to kind of get to know, you guys, what
8:24
Speaker 1: should I know as we go into this experience that
8:29
Speaker 1: you guys think would be helpful, Like, what's important for
8:32
Speaker 1: me to know?
8:33
Speaker 5: My thing is learning about my siblings, my nephew, about
8:37
Speaker 5: their struggles, their traumas. That way, I can also be
8:40
Speaker 5: able to assist and understand their struggles, what they've been through,
8:43
Speaker 5: they can understand mine, so we can move forward. And
8:47
Speaker 5: because that's the thing, like I understand what therapy did
8:49
Speaker 5: for me, how it helped me, and how I can
8:54
Speaker 5: say that it's okay, you know, to be able to
8:56
Speaker 5: talk to someone, because mental health is everything. It's one
8:59
Speaker 5: of the most important things besides having health itself in
9:02
Speaker 5: the body. So for me, I know how important, you know,
9:07
Speaker 5: therapy is, and I know how important it is to
9:09
Speaker 5: have family around you that you can talk to and
9:13
Speaker 5: express and understand you know, it's okay not to be
9:16
Speaker 5: okay sometimes and be able to build strength and love
9:20
Speaker 5: within each other and know that you know, we all
9:23
Speaker 5: love each other and we have love and have each
9:25
Speaker 5: other back because sometimes you know, like I come from
9:29
Speaker 5: a big family from my adopter side, my father's side,
9:32
Speaker 5: on my mom's side, they're all a big family. And
9:35
Speaker 5: my nephew, you know, he's the only but like for me,
9:39
Speaker 5: I have so many siblings, so many cousins. You can
9:42
Speaker 5: kind of sometimes get separated from family because it's so big,
9:48
Speaker 5: or you don't always talk to all your siblings or
9:50
Speaker 5: family members. Sometimes you you know, move apart from them.
9:54
Speaker 5: So to come together, especially with this and have individuals
9:59
Speaker 5: that understand you, it makes it easy to go to
10:02
Speaker 5: your life because it makes it easier to pick up
10:04
Speaker 5: that phone to be like, oh, I know who I
10:05
Speaker 5: can call. I know who I have within my family
10:08
Speaker 5: that I can talk to and relate to.
10:10
Speaker 1: Chris, do I understand you were adopted and raised in
10:14
Speaker 1: a different family and then these guys found you?
10:16
Speaker 4: Is that right? Yeah?
10:18
Speaker 1: What was that like to be found by these guys?
10:20
Speaker 3: Chris's girlfriend found us?
10:22
Speaker 1: Chris girlfriend, Chris, why did she do that?
10:27
Speaker 5: I had expressed to her, I was trying to find
10:30
Speaker 5: my family a long time ago.
10:31
Speaker 4: Through the Navy. It didn't work out. She was in
10:34
Speaker 4: the Navy with me.
10:36
Speaker 5: She had got out and she still does, but she
10:39
Speaker 5: works for the FBI. Up when I was actually stationed
10:42
Speaker 5: out here in Florida, I think around oh three be four,
10:45
Speaker 5: she had asked me, Hey, I remember you know us
10:47
Speaker 5: talking about you not finding your family. You want to
10:50
Speaker 5: find your family? She goes, I'm in that position to
10:53
Speaker 5: do that. I said, I only know my grandmother's name.
10:56
Speaker 4: That's it.
10:56
Speaker 5: I didn't even know my dad's name. He was not
10:58
Speaker 5: on my birth certificate. Dad's grandmother, my mom's grandmother. So yeah,
11:04
Speaker 5: because I didn't know the last time I had seen
11:07
Speaker 5: our father, I was seven years old. I remember the
11:10
Speaker 5: day I was like in front of my adopted grandmother's
11:14
Speaker 5: y already pulled up, like and you know, some small
11:17
Speaker 5: station wagon budget you know, Puerto Rican family.
11:21
Speaker 4: Hey, and like hey, I'll take you to the movies.
11:23
Speaker 4: I was like, oh okay. He was like you want
11:24
Speaker 4: to do that?
11:24
Speaker 5: Like yeah, then boom that was it. Never seen him
11:27
Speaker 5: dad was young when Yeah. Yeah, he was a teenager
11:31
Speaker 5: when he had me. So he was trying to get
11:33
Speaker 5: his life together. And I know he was at that
11:35
Speaker 5: time back and forth through Puerto Rico and the United States.
11:39
Speaker 4: But like I said, I was seven years old when
11:42
Speaker 4: I last seen him. Yeah, it was like sixteen. He's
11:46
Speaker 4: like sixteen.
11:48
Speaker 6: Yeah.
11:50
Speaker 4: So I grew up with my adopted family. I had
11:53
Speaker 4: my traumas.
11:55
Speaker 5: I had to get used to being separated from my family,
11:57
Speaker 5: had a lot of questions why I didn't grow up
12:00
Speaker 5: with my real family.
12:02
Speaker 4: So it was a lot going through.
12:05
Speaker 5: I had therapy all the way into I was in
12:06
Speaker 5: high school because I just went through a lot, you know.
12:10
Speaker 5: And then Boston is not a great city to go
12:12
Speaker 5: through something like that because I grew up in Roxburgh.
12:14
Speaker 4: I grew up in the Burry right on Blue Hill ass.
12:17
Speaker 5: And so trying to deal with that, trying to deal
12:22
Speaker 5: with the inner city was a lot. I had been
12:25
Speaker 5: locked up dys all that, but like you know, I
12:28
Speaker 5: went to a couple of therapists, so I found my
12:30
Speaker 5: right therapists and it helped me.
12:33
Speaker 4: Like like I said, it helped me.
12:34
Speaker 5: But with finding my family was the last piece of
12:37
Speaker 5: my life, you know, not being complete, like the last puzzle, right,
12:42
Speaker 5: So when that happened, that was that was cool. I
12:45
Speaker 5: remember my little sister Jasmine was there with my little
12:49
Speaker 5: niece at the time, she was a baby, and that
12:51
Speaker 5: was cool.
12:51
Speaker 4: I still got the pictures and everything. It was on
12:55
Speaker 4: the eleven o'clock news.
12:57
Speaker 1: Chris, Why was your family reuniting on the news? Lots
13:00
Speaker 1: of families night, what made yours?
13:02
Speaker 5: What happened was when I was four years old, my
13:05
Speaker 5: mom got in a fight with one of my siblings,
13:07
Speaker 5: one of my siblings on my mom's side. My youngest brother,
13:11
Speaker 5: Marcle got into a fight within that fight. It was
13:16
Speaker 5: a tragedy night, so I was for my My mom
13:21
Speaker 5: was in there fighting, having a physical fight. She ended
13:25
Speaker 5: up sustaining a lot of wounds hit her head, so
13:28
Speaker 5: she had a brain hemage.
13:29
Speaker 4: So she died that night during that fight.
13:33
Speaker 5: My two year old sister, she was in the Bathtom
13:35
Speaker 5: alone during that fight, so she had slipped, hit her
13:40
Speaker 5: head and drowned on the water.
13:41
Speaker 4: So that's why he was crazy.
13:44
Speaker 5: Because my other brother had took our younger brother out
13:47
Speaker 5: the house to go out and call the police. He
13:51
Speaker 5: was five, and so that's why it became like a
13:53
Speaker 5: tragic thing, and it was on the news.
13:56
Speaker 4: So that's why it made the news.
13:57
Speaker 1: All those years later. Your family also made the news. Yeah,
14:02
Speaker 1: do you remember when you're then girlfriend told you she
14:05
Speaker 1: found your family.
14:07
Speaker 4: Well, she surprised it on me.
14:10
Speaker 5: The day like they had planned, like they were at
14:13
Speaker 5: a center that was in Roxbury up in the Mission Hill.
14:16
Speaker 5: I thought I was just going to see my little sister,
14:19
Speaker 5: Jasmine for the first time. That's how our dad brought
14:21
Speaker 5: it to me. He was like, oh, you know your sister,
14:23
Speaker 5: We're gonna go pick up your sister. I was like,
14:25
Speaker 5: all right, cool, I'm just going for the ride. She
14:28
Speaker 5: was like, oh, yeah, your sister, she's at some party.
14:30
Speaker 5: We got to pick her up from there. I'm like
14:32
Speaker 5: all right, you know, I'm not you know, I'm just
14:34
Speaker 5: like all right, that's cool. I'm just trying to see
14:36
Speaker 5: my sister. I walk in and everybody was there because
14:39
Speaker 5: my girlfriend at the time, she had told me she
14:44
Speaker 5: had to go back to DC, back to d C,
14:46
Speaker 5: so she faked like she left, went back out of town.
14:51
Speaker 5: So I'm just like, I'm just chilling with my dad
14:53
Speaker 5: and going and had my son with me. We walked
14:57
Speaker 5: up in the center, read it by everybody. It was
14:59
Speaker 5: a big shop because I was like, what was going on?
15:01
Speaker 4: You know? But that was cool, you know, and had
15:03
Speaker 4: the news. I'm looking around like what in the world.
15:06
Speaker 5: My younger brother, Marca, was one of the first person
15:08
Speaker 5: that came up and grabbed me. And I've never seen
15:10
Speaker 5: my brothers, so that was cool.
15:13
Speaker 1: You reminded me of something I don't always think about.
15:16
Speaker 1: Bluehill Ave. I spent a lot of my childhood. My
15:21
Speaker 1: dad lived right off of Blue Hill Ave and my
15:24
Speaker 1: childhood church it was in Georchester and it was right
15:26
Speaker 1: off Blue Hill AF. It was called Refuge Church of Christ. Yeah,
15:31
Speaker 1: I think that was where I spent every Sunday in
15:33
Speaker 1: my childhood.
15:34
Speaker 4: Mine was St. Patrick's.
15:35
Speaker 1: Oh wow, very nice? Okay, cool, all right? What does
15:39
Speaker 1: anybody else want to share something they think? I need
15:41
Speaker 1: to know as we go it in this journey. Thank
15:43
Speaker 1: you Chris Well.
15:45
Speaker 2: I will share mit. I was a bit skeptical as well.
15:50
Speaker 2: I can't be an overshare, which makes me nervous about
15:55
Speaker 2: relationships on my mom's side of the family, so I
16:00
Speaker 2: coming into this, I wanted to pour into It feels
16:04
Speaker 2: weird saying like my dad's side, my mom's side, but
16:07
Speaker 2: my dad, my siblings on my dad's side, because we've
16:11
Speaker 2: always I feel like since we've found Chris, we've all
16:15
Speaker 2: tried to stay in contact with each other because we
16:18
Speaker 2: also found my brother Lance right before we found Chris.
16:22
Speaker 2: So yeah, it was like since Chris came it kind
16:27
Speaker 2: of connected that clue, we've always stayed in contact. I've
16:31
Speaker 2: had a lot of trauma with my siblings on my
16:36
Speaker 2: mom's side. Now that I'm in a healing space, I
16:41
Speaker 2: want to pour into my siblings that have been there
16:44
Speaker 2: for me, which I've been on my dad's side, which
16:47
Speaker 2: is so weird because my dad didn't raise any of us.
16:51
Speaker 7: So out anytime.
16:54
Speaker 2: We get together, even if it's two of us, three
16:56
Speaker 2: of us, five of us, a thousand of us, people
17:00
Speaker 2: literally think grew up together because we're just so tight
17:03
Speaker 2: but we haven't even we haven't all been together one time.
17:07
Speaker 2: My brother's wedding will be the first time we're all
17:10
Speaker 2: gonna be together, except for the one that's missing.
17:16
Speaker 7: We don't know if she's we don't know, We don't
17:18
Speaker 7: know her.
17:20
Speaker 2: But yes, I I I lost my oldest brother and
17:27
Speaker 2: I lost my oldest sister on my mom's side.
17:32
Speaker 1: And that's the night to right. No, no, this is
17:38
Speaker 1: on my mom's side.
17:40
Speaker 7: I didn't even know that about Chris. I just learned
17:43
Speaker 7: this right now.
17:44
Speaker 1: Hey, Jasmine, can I interpt for a second? How many
17:48
Speaker 1: kids did your father have?
17:50
Speaker 4: Oh that.
17:53
Speaker 7: You want to Chris is the oldest.
17:55
Speaker 3: We don't know if Jasmine's actually the baby, but she's
17:58
Speaker 3: the baby right now.
18:00
Speaker 7: He was the baby.
18:00
Speaker 3: But there's a sister who is Italian. Her mother's Italian,
18:05
Speaker 3: and she is in Connecticut. So our dad really has
18:08
Speaker 3: helped populate the New England area. The only two siblings
18:14
Speaker 3: from my father that grown up together from birth and
18:17
Speaker 3: up is Lewis and I. So my mom had two
18:21
Speaker 3: children with my father, and my dad does have one
18:24
Speaker 3: more child. That is she's a young woman who's out
18:28
Speaker 3: in the world that we would love to connect with.
18:31
Speaker 3: That's one of the things that just to be fair
18:33
Speaker 3: about our father growing up, because I was his eldest
18:36
Speaker 3: without knowing where Chris was. My dad always prayed to
18:41
Speaker 3: find all his children always, you know it said, like
18:45
Speaker 3: I just pray, and he always spoke about Chris. So
18:48
Speaker 3: I grew up knowing I had my big brother Chris,
18:52
Speaker 3: but I didn't know about Lance, nor did I know
18:56
Speaker 3: about the youngest sister until later on. But yeah, we're
19:01
Speaker 3: so much alike all of our siblings that are from
19:03
Speaker 3: our mother. The interesting thing about us, we don't, like
19:08
Speaker 3: Jasmine said, it's weird saying my siblings from my mom
19:11
Speaker 3: because when we're all together, no one separates that that's
19:16
Speaker 3: just Jasmine's sister. No, we all claim each other's siblings.
19:20
Speaker 3: I never remembered growing up that the women my dad
19:24
Speaker 3: had children with, I've never seen our mothers disagree. Our
19:28
Speaker 3: mothers were always four. Like, if you're going to see
19:30
Speaker 3: your sibling, go see your siblings. So it's where although
19:34
Speaker 3: we're just a different family as far as DNA, we
19:41
Speaker 3: all claim each other.
19:42
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, so that means they're six right now.
19:46
Speaker 3: It is six.
19:46
Speaker 7: Dad's biological children are six.
19:50
Speaker 1: Elijah, what was it like growing up in a family
19:55
Speaker 1: like this one, discovery uncles and aunts.
19:59
Speaker 6: When you something that I wanted to bring up was
20:03
Speaker 6: sort of uncertainty for me. I grew up with a
20:06
Speaker 6: lot of uncertainty because my childhood was vastly different from
20:12
Speaker 6: everyone else's. Here once again the only child. I had
20:16
Speaker 6: both of my parents in my life for a while,
20:19
Speaker 6: but it was more because I had to move back
20:22
Speaker 6: and forth between them. At one point, it was just
20:26
Speaker 6: different neighborhoods, and then it eventually grew to different states.
20:31
Speaker 6: I got to see different parts of my family, from
20:36
Speaker 6: my dad and mom's side and my stepmom's side because
20:40
Speaker 6: I like stepmom, I got to see different family dynamics.
20:46
Speaker 6: It has made me through the good and bad, and
20:50
Speaker 6: very uncertain about certain things. I've always been a loner
20:54
Speaker 6: by nature, but then also I've also grown up to
20:58
Speaker 6: be somewhat cynical two and because that's like when you
21:04
Speaker 6: grow up with so many different people and you see
21:08
Speaker 6: how much like when people will first present themselves to
21:11
Speaker 6: be one thing and then they eventually be ill approach
21:18
Speaker 6: a situation with a certain amount of caution. That has
21:23
Speaker 6: made me question things about family, love, relationships, myself and
21:30
Speaker 6: you know, I'm not necessarily Yeah, it's a it's a
21:37
Speaker 6: very interesting what's it called conversation? Because when you guys,
21:42
Speaker 6: when all everyone here talks about how you know, it
21:46
Speaker 6: didn't differentiate between siblings or who's really connected. They just
21:51
Speaker 6: all adopted each other. For me, it would be I
21:55
Speaker 6: would be a but more I guess you could say
21:58
Speaker 6: skeptical and analytical about it, because you know, I just
22:04
Speaker 6: that's the way I grew up. Like separation was the
22:07
Speaker 6: name of the game and a lot.
22:09
Speaker 1: Of instances, how did you deal with that?
22:14
Speaker 6: Moving around? I did stuff on my own. I learned
22:19
Speaker 6: to entertain myself be in my own world. It wasn't
22:22
Speaker 6: as confusing in that situation. Oftentimes I would be the
22:26
Speaker 6: oldest of the group, and for a while I learned
22:31
Speaker 6: to be able to, you know, get people together. Or
22:36
Speaker 6: if I wasn't on my own, I was with other people,
22:39
Speaker 6: but I would always either be like the one who
22:42
Speaker 6: was the quietest or the one who was the loudest.
22:45
Speaker 6: Like it just depended on the situation, and it was
22:49
Speaker 6: mostly just adapting to whether the situation needed that. I
22:54
Speaker 6: learned to do.
22:55
Speaker 1: Eliza, you use the word confusing a few times about
23:00
Speaker 1: that upbringing. Would it be good for you if there
23:04
Speaker 1: was some clarity that came out of this process, some
23:06
Speaker 1: family clarity.
23:08
Speaker 6: I think it would be, but I'm not sure if
23:10
Speaker 6: that's possible.
23:11
Speaker 1: But if it is possible, you think it'd be a
23:13
Speaker 1: good thing. If we're able to pull it off, that
23:16
Speaker 1: would be a good thing for you in your life.
23:18
Speaker 3: Sure you cool?
23:20
Speaker 1: Okay, Thanks Elijah. The conversation doesn't stop here. We'll be
23:24
Speaker 1: right back with more family therapy, anything else that anyone
23:36
Speaker 1: wants to share that might be helpful and useful for
23:38
Speaker 1: me as we go into this process.
23:40
Speaker 3: Well, Elijah, you're like, you're you're full on right just here. Yeah,
23:45
Speaker 3: you know, thank you so much for bringing up the
23:48
Speaker 3: confusion and speaking on that, because I do think that
23:51
Speaker 3: that is important, and I think for me, like Elijah
23:56
Speaker 3: and I, I've always wanted us to have therapy. So
24:01
Speaker 3: this is a beautiful opportunity. I just didn't know that
24:04
Speaker 3: it was going to be in this dynamic of us
24:07
Speaker 3: being able to speak about everything, as far as whatever
24:10
Speaker 3: we could clear up between son and mother, because I'm
24:14
Speaker 3: so I'm big on everything happens at home. You know,
24:18
Speaker 3: war and peace happened at home, and we bring it
24:20
Speaker 3: into the world. Elijah has always been a peaceful soulful
24:27
Speaker 3: old soul, freight straight from the wound, like Homie came
24:31
Speaker 3: out with a little mustache like he was. There's so
24:36
Speaker 3: many times I remember that I would just sit down
24:39
Speaker 3: with him and ask him, like who was he reincarnated for?
24:43
Speaker 3: And did he really come into the world to, like,
24:46
Speaker 3: you know, save and help so many people in the world.
24:49
Speaker 3: So I am opened and elliot, I'm a complete open book.
24:53
Speaker 3: So I don't know where or what questions you want
24:56
Speaker 3: to ask, but like, I really want Elijah to be
25:00
Speaker 3: able to come out of here with as much clarity
25:04
Speaker 3: as possible, with the support of my siblings as well,
25:07
Speaker 3: because we've all been around like Chris coming into our
25:11
Speaker 3: lives was when Elijah was two. Chris has been a
25:14
Speaker 3: huge part as well as although we didn't know him
25:17
Speaker 3: growing up, we know each other's children per se like
25:21
Speaker 3: you know so.
25:22
Speaker 1: And the reason why I think that stood out to
25:25
Speaker 1: me is if I put myself in Elijah's shoes, most kids,
25:29
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, there's Mom, and there's I know who
25:31
Speaker 1: my uncles and aunts are, I know my cousins are.
25:34
Speaker 1: It helps us form the world in Elijah's case, he
25:38
Speaker 1: was being introduced to, like, oh, you've now got a
25:40
Speaker 1: new uncle that we didn't know Aunt. Things were moving pieces,
25:44
Speaker 1: which is not necessarily bad. It would be probably a
25:47
Speaker 1: wonderful thing to help like clarity and crystallization happen. Because
25:52
Speaker 1: Elijah said something super important and I agree with you.
25:55
Speaker 1: There's something about Elijah, Gladdys, there's something about your son
25:59
Speaker 1: when you describemen as an old soul. I was like, yep,
26:01
Speaker 1: that's how I experience him too. He seems peaceful in
26:05
Speaker 1: the zen kind of way. He said something that my
26:08
Speaker 1: psychotherapy ears really stood out, which is I'm skeptical of relationships,
26:14
Speaker 1: and I think that speaks to growing up in an
26:17
Speaker 1: environment where things were moving around him, which isn't anybody's
26:20
Speaker 1: fault necessarily. Like I'm not saying anyone did a bad
26:23
Speaker 1: job or anything, but the environment he was in contributes
26:27
Speaker 1: to him being cautious in those ways now and I
26:30
Speaker 1: as I hear these the story and I'm just like, Wow,
26:33
Speaker 1: this is going to be super impactful when we get
26:36
Speaker 1: it organized and making sense. Because Elijah is like the
26:44
Speaker 1: next generation. He will experience the impact of that. The
26:49
Speaker 1: stuff you guys are doing are going to impact Elijah's
26:52
Speaker 1: unborn children because it'll it'll kind of take the family
26:57
Speaker 1: and make it make sense because your your family story
27:00
Speaker 1: is an unusual family story. It's not the typical family story. Again,
27:04
Speaker 1: it doesn't make it bad in anyway, but it means wow, like,
27:08
Speaker 1: what if we did some things kind of organize it
27:10
Speaker 1: in a way that made sense and added safety. You
27:14
Speaker 1: probably start experiencing Elijah's being more confident and being more
27:18
Speaker 1: kind of assured of himself as he goes into other
27:20
Speaker 1: dynamics in his life. And it's exciting. I'm super excited
27:24
Speaker 1: now to start to start this journey.
27:27
Speaker 2: I have a special relationship with Elijah and I you know,
27:32
Speaker 2: there's things, you know, I feel like the best auntie,
27:35
Speaker 2: so you know, they vent to me a lot. And
27:39
Speaker 2: because I want to keep you know, our relationship sacred
27:43
Speaker 2: and I want their voice to be heard, I think
27:45
Speaker 2: this is going to be a great opportunity for all
27:49
Speaker 2: of us, but especially Elijah, so.
27:52
Speaker 7: His voice can be heard as well.
27:54
Speaker 3: I agree.
27:56
Speaker 1: This was the beginning the gathering of four family men
28:00
Speaker 1: with mixed reviews about therapy, coming together for the purpose
28:03
Speaker 1: of understanding one another more. Chris Gladys Elijah and Jasmine,
28:10
Speaker 1: four voices, one table and stories on top of stories
28:15
Speaker 1: of the past and of the present. And as we
28:18
Speaker 1: proceed in the coming episodes, I will aim to inspire
28:22
Speaker 1: these stories to pivot towards the future, the stories that
28:26
Speaker 1: haven't happened yet. But it's important to envision our ideal selves,
28:32
Speaker 1: who we want to be, how we want to interact,
28:35
Speaker 1: and the connections we seek to have with our family members.
28:39
Speaker 1: We'll go deeper into the legacy of trauma, into the
28:43
Speaker 1: role of survival, into the fragile yet powerful work of
28:47
Speaker 1: healing between a mother and her son, and how to
28:51
Speaker 1: get out of your own way. Because this is not
28:54
Speaker 1: just therapy, this is a family's journey and we are
28:57
Speaker 1: just getting started. I would love to hear from you
29:01
Speaker 1: about your healing journey, your family and your feedback. Leave
29:05
Speaker 1: a review, send a DM, connect with me on socials
29:08
Speaker 1: at Elliott Speaks. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio
29:12
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to our
29:15
Speaker 1: assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by jack Quee Thomas and
29:19
Speaker 1: the executive producer Dolly S.
29:20
Speaker 7: S Fisher.
29:21
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio
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Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The
29:28
Speaker 1: content presented on the Family Therapy Podcast serves solely for
29:31
Speaker 1: educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a
29:34
Speaker 1: replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does
29:36
Speaker 1: not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to
29:40
Speaker 1: consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any
29:42
Speaker 1: specific concerns or questions you may have.