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Kekin -de ilusiones tambien muere · Comedy Central Stand-Up

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  Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you you remember the first dust that you cast,
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  not even the last and almost better so, uh, almost better so,
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  what the last dust will be like, what the last dust of our life
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  will be like. Hey, some of you here have already done better not
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  to know. Better not to know because it' s because if you know
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  it' s the last fuck you' re gonna throw out. Hey,
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  you' re in there like a tension. It no longer gives him the
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  same illusion, and life needs illusion. We need illusion for everything, but
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  in moderation, because illusions also die. We need illusion in life. We
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  need circumvention to try to be happy, even if it is medium, nothing
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  more, no, because happiness has to be half always, because happiness is
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  sharing. No, you can' t be happy here alone. We don
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  ' t need another person here to be able to rub our happiness on him.
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  I' ve won the lottery to you. No, no, no,
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  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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  no, no. I' m gonna be happy. I' ve
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  decided I' m gonna be happy for fuck' s sake. I'
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  m gonna be happy because even if it' s for fuck' s sake,
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  it doesn' t matter. All right, man, everybody whining what
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  a mess everybody' s got. That' s where we look like grandma
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  Fuck' s all right. Oh, when this one will lead me to
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  the Lord for God' s sake. Tomorrow, Monday, I' ve
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  come up with a pimple, and I' ve stepped on a piece of
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  shit. What a life it is that the other in every hundred people ninety
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  - nine are looking forward to going out on the street to complain about rubbing
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  their shit in your face. You guys? Don' t you? Don
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  ' t you? You guys? Don' t you? You guys?
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  You belong to that select one. One percent of the people who say fuck.
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  I' m gonna have a good time. I' m going to
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  see the monologues You' re coming. No. I' m not,
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  I' m gonna stay here and hit me with a stone in the shin.
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  You go on, you' re doing a good life You gotta enjoy
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  yourself. I understand the environment doesn' t help. The environment doesn'
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  t help. You fucking put the radio on and you listen. Pablo Alborán,
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  don' t fuck with me. What about this guy or Bona,
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  how sad. And that' s how we' re gonna get our heads
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  up in life. What' s got me worried about this guy, what
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  ' s wrong with him, how sad, how silly, what' s
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  wrong with you? Pablo, you' re ovulating, we' re,
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  we' re overestimating the male sensiblon with a very developed female part, and
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  in the end, they' re worse than a very bad bitch. Pablo
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  Alborán is to music like rubbing the onions to sex. If there' s
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  no rock and roll afterwards, you' re going home with a pain in
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  the ass. Don' t be afraid of Pablo Alborán. He' s
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  perfect, a man locked in the body of a footballer, but with a
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  teletabi heart, so be perfect. But it' s very sad. It
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  ' s very sad. That' s not good for karma. What'
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  s the matter with you? Pablo left you the bride to be sacked,
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  it' s all right. Karma will put it in place. If he
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  has been great, if he has been bad, he will already take care
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  of karma to reincarnate in a lizard and eat ants throughout his life until he
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  dies and then the ants eat it to her, but Paul thinks of positives
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  without grudges. Look at me straight. The theory of karma speaks of that.
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  Basically for us to be happy, we have to be fucking bastards first.
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  How you' re doing with your life of grief, that' s
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  what' s gonna be fine with you. Do you want it to go
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  well? You want it to go well. Take off four teeth, cut
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  off one arm. Invest in karma. Sure. You want to be independent.
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  You want to be independent of your parents. Learn to depend on your
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  boss, Learn to depend on the bank. You want to have money,
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  learn not to spend it lives like a miserable fuck. You want to learn.
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  Learn first to assume your ignorance. You' re an Olympiad. Do
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  you learn English? Do you learn English? What' s that? What
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  ' s that? What the fact? What the fuck? Create xing cat
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  coffee with wa lechis. The coffee doesn' t relax and much less in
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  the main square than while you put the blue, carter cracks the wallet and
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  the mobile phone. We don' t enjoy it. We don' t
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  enjoy it. We' re tense, we' re tighter than the ozil
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  eyelids. And so we won' t be happy. Never. To be
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  happy just enjoy the little things of life, the little pleasures. I don
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  ' t know how to walk away with colleagues. Let' s take the
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  last one. It won' t be the penultimate, well, the penultimate.
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  Or little pleasures, little spans of life, take a three- hour
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  nap that you get up and say uf today which day is clear. The
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  little pleasures of life, those are the important ones. Don' t stay
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  a whole afternoon at home on the couch watching videos of the king, tripping
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  over the other time, so again that this guy dies and, of course,
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  get up in the morning and take a good shit, a slow,
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  gentle, concentrated shit, that you say or without fear of death. Let
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  ' s go without even turning around to see what happened. Nothing. Talks
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  crazy maybe fucked up an iPhone, I don' t care, pulls the
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  chain, nothing happens looking at the future. Of course it is without fear
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  and above all, to fuck. Yeah, fuck a lot and well between
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  you I say don' t be proud, that there are people who don
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  ' t fuck for not bothering, you have to turn themselves in, that
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  there are people who fuck without undoing the bed. This is shit You gotta
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  turn yourself in by taking your socks off. If you need to die by
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  throwing your imagination out, thinking that you have five dicks and that all your
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  pants look like a glove pulling viagras. If you need to run, don
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  ' t travel, not that that explodes your heart and moves you want to
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  fuck or you haven' t come here to take out anything else. If
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  you have to pull viagra, you pull viagra. It' s okay.
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  It' s okay. Moreover, the effect is purely psychological. I'
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  ve seen people get erections just going to buy it. The stone is good.
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  It' s very sad that your girl wants sex right after having sex.
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  That you' re not doing well. And if you die, you
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  die. They say that when you die in palmado, you' re stuck
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  in palmado. Please, you can think of something nicer. An epic burial
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  in your neighborhood with a choir, a gospel choir and a band Dixi Lend
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  A Massingers Ho Weed the Sun and the people ah Paula had a dead man.
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  Not wow. If I die like this, I don' t want
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  to be infested. I want a picture taken for Badu' s profile.
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  If you have to die, you die to boast, you have to suffer.
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  But not so much. The girls wear heels and we know they hurt
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  you. Why do you do that, what happens you want to look taller
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  than the others. You don' t want the others to look any smaller
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  than you. That' s Spanish Not really fucking, but we fucking love
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  it. Please, girls, you really think we' re gonna love you
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  more, because you look at seven inches more. You guys would love us
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  more because seven ces is the same. No, no, no, we
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  don' t like to suffer. We compete to see who suffers most.
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  Not the typical ass who goes out on the street to play catchy with his
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  ex- girlfriend. Ah, you' re here. Yeah, oh,
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  hey, I' m having a terrible time. I' m really having
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  a hard time. No, I' m worse, no, I'
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  m worse than you. I don' t fuck around, we always argue
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  sometimes we don' t. This can' t be or if not the
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  cocoon who when he can' t sleep, spends all night watching the clock
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  every five minutes to see how long we haven' t slept.“ My
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  mother, the time it is and it is not sleep I arrive, oh,
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  my mother, I have to get up within a quarter of an hour
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  and the next day the office competes with colleagues. I' ve slept two
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  hours at most, because I at most? I' ve slept half an
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  hour, because I at most? I haven' t slept at all and
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  I' ve been throwing up all night and listening to Pablo Alborán. I
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  ' m sorry we' re sitting here feeling bad with guilt feelings for being
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  here with the Jiji and the Jaja, when there' s a lot of
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  people out there having a hard time, people who have lost all their lives
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  in the candy crash. Why. Because we' re selfish. We are
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  selfish and the most selfish of all is the guy who invented the puff pastry,
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  son of a whore, the guy who invented the puff pastry. Hey,
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  that one didn' t eat breakfast in bed, didn' t he?
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  I think everyone will have breakfast standing with a plate. I was just
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  thinking about him here, asshole The guy who invented the puff pastry is the
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  same idiot who invented the butterbutter. Easy to spread. Butter is easy to
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  spread lying tell the truth. Butter is easy to spread, unless you think
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  about putting it in the fridge, because anything you put in the fridge stops
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  being easy to spread automatically. Although meth soup if in that film is the
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  last tango in Paris, Marlon Brando gives him to take the butter from the
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  fridge, that poor bastard would have had to give him fifteen points. Really.
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  I don' t understand it anyway I' m not from this time.
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  I think about it a lot. I' m not from this time.
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  I am to see I have taken, I have already taken twenty years
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  to realize that I am no longer twenty years, so I now do not
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  know if I am older or slow catching things. But it' s true,
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  my time things were different, I mean, in my time not everything,
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  we didn' t have a camera on our cell phone, we would
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  put it in our pocket or we would manage with a six and a four.
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  In my day things were different. Rap rap was only in English.
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  Everything. In my day there were two types of bread, the bimbo bread
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  and the bread. It' s true, in my day I don'
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  t know. The one that said infinity didn' t have the last word,
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  because there was another one that said infinity me infinity, infinity potiff,
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  infinity of high and I give myself eh. In my day the one who
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  said it was and had his ass upside down check Ut. In my day
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  the reviews didn' t matter because they bounced and remoted and your ass exploded.
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  In my day you were walking down the curb on the sidewalk because on
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  this side there was a cliff and here were crocodiles. It was very dangerous.
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  Not now, now, look at me. Now I' m an
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  adult and we saw surrounded by adults who do things, adults who write geniuses
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  on Twitter with a hundred and forty characters, who play langry Beards as they
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  go and who worry a lot about who the fucks are going to star in
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  the next Batman movie. What an adult Batman. You really care about Balmon.
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  Why kind of superheroes Batman, a guy who gives him a guitar and
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  looks like the gay boss of the height of medicine. That' s a
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  superhero. Superman' s a superhero, a guy with superpowers A guy who
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  really melts you with his look, who freezes you with his breath, who
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  ' s like a faggot, but who are superpowers. Spiderman, a guy
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  who climbs the walls, like Charlie Shine when he runs out of gin.
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  That' s real superpowers, not Batman' s. It' s more
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  pathetic than the invisible man. Even what super powers the visible man has to
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  sneak into the bulls. Batman has the same superpowers as Bill Gates, a
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  lot of dough and he buys shitty little toys and gold. Today Merling Hello
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  I am Batman, oh, yes, of course I have said psycholm if
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  it is not Hallowen or e ban man or Gilipolla. Hey, you'
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  ve got bat- shaped ninja stars, so if I have a box of
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  six left, but they' re white. No, no, I'
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  m the dark knight. They can' t be white. They' re
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  gonna show up from Apple, but how bad is the Batman color. We
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  ' re like idiots with the accessories, it' s just that he calls
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  me down the clock with the shoes. We' re like an asshole with
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  everything on the phones. How long ago? How long has it been,
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  honestly what if you' ve looked at the phone for the last time minutes
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  seconds and yet how long you haven' t really looked someone in the eyes
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  and told them, motherfucker, that I was giving you from respect and affection,
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  Of course, from respect and from affection, because you, from respect
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  and affection you can have a host. Someone doesn' t happen, because
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  it' s respect and from love and you can humiliate him, reproach him,
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  assault whatever you want, because it' s from respect? And the
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  love? The love, the touch? Is it the love, the touch?
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  The touch? Makes the lockdown? The sore? Do the crust?
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  The crust? Does the infection, the infection? Does the disease, the
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  disease? It makes the plague, the plague, the extinction of the human
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  species. Take a cór don' t give me love, don' t
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  take a cór. Give me pleasure? Give me pleasure. Buy me some
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  canes, save me a rice with lobster and tell me what you like bald
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  ones. Even if it' s a lie, I don' t care
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  if it' s true. I don' t want the truth. I
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  have a real poisoning, really, which is that I can' t anymore.
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  People who come with the truth ahead, usually come with the lie behind
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  and I come behind. I want to know the truth? If it'
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  s gonna hurt, I want to know. People, people who come with
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  the truth in front of them, usually come to give you a shit,
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  listen, I' m sorry. It' s just that I' m
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  very sincere and I can' t keep it quiet or I think it'
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  s super ugly. I' m sorry I have to tell you. It
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  ' s uglier, man, because you stay with your friends yesterday at the
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  corner of the bar You don' t have to cross the whole pair and
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  come here and insult me that I don' t know you at all.
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  Really what the fuck is this about being so authentic, how mania we have
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  to prove that we' re authentic those people who to prove that it'
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  s very authentic, don' t wash. But this, what the fuck
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  is it? What will your thinking have to do with your hygiene? What
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  will have to do with your way of thinking about passing the little knife from
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  time to time, honey? It' s not that I, as I
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  believe, in the power of Tibetan bowls and that dogs dream of. And
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  I don' t believe in capitalism, because I shave my pussy, because
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  with me as if it leaves you scratches you understand, but that doesn'
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  t seem to me, you don' t seem to make sense, you
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  don' t have to make sense, you don' t have to,
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  you have to change the way you think, but why, what mania,
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  what we change, why you want to change us. Women always want us
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  the woman who doesn' t want to change you, that' s the
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  one who changes your life. And it' s not bad. Not bad.
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  It is necessary to change, because it changes, but whenever it is
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  done with talent, with courage, with desire and, above all, with
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  enthusiasm, but with care, because you already know, of illusions also dies.
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  Thank you very much. Thank you.