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What Steps Help Me Protect My Wellbeing? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: And boundaries with friendships can sometimes feel difficult, particularly when you care about the other person and you don't want to cause conflict or hurt their feelings.
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  SPEAKER_00: You may even find yourself putting their needs before yours.
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  SPEAKER_00: If that sounds familiar, it's important to remember and just ground yourself with the idea that having boundaries is not selfish.
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  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are a way of protecting your emotional well-being while maintaining healthy relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: So the first way to manage your well-being in a difficult friendship or a friendship that's becoming problematic is to recognise how it's affecting you.
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  SPEAKER_00: You might prompt yourself with things such as, how do I feel after spending time with this person?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel respected?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel supported and comfortable?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or do I regularly feel anxious, guilty, or unhurt?
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  SPEAKER_00: Paying attention to these feelings can identify when a boundary might be needed.
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  SPEAKER_00: Once you recognise what is actually affecting you, it's important to centre it back to what you actually need from the situation and from what you're about to communicate.
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  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you might need more personal space, less contact, or for your friend to stop speaking to you in a particular way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Try to be specific with yourself before communicating the boundary with them, as that will increase confidence.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you're ready, communicate your boundary clearly, calmly, and assertively.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can use I statements such as I feel uncomfortable when I'm spoken to like that, so I'm gonna end the conversation if that continues.
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  SPEAKER_00: This focuses on your feelings and your needs rather than attacking the other person.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can also help to hold ourselves accountable for the idea that we're responsible for communicating our boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: Fundamentally, we can't control how somebody responds.
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  SPEAKER_00: A difficult friend might become defensive, dismissive, or try to make you feel guilty.
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  SPEAKER_00: If this happens, pause and remind yourself that their reaction does not mean that your boundary is unreasonable, it's a way of protecting your well-being.
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  SPEAKER_00: You might gently ask yourself, am I setting this boundary because it reflects what I genuinely need, or am I worried to disappoint them?
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  SPEAKER_00: This can help you from separating your guilt from responsibility.
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  SPEAKER_00: If this person repeatedly ignores your boundaries, consider what consequence will protect your well-being.
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  SPEAKER_00: This might mean again reducing contact, taking time away from the friendship, or choosing specifically not to engage with certain conversations.
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  SPEAKER_00: A boundary without action can be difficult to maintain, so it's important to follow through consistently.
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  SPEAKER_00: Finally, be compassionate towards yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: Setting boundaries and the idea that your well-being might need to come first when it's not something that you usually consider can feel tough.
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  SPEAKER_00: Feeling guilty doesn't mean that you've done something wrong.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes discomfort is simply a part of learning to prioritize yourself, and discomfort happens because our nervous system feels unsafe.
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  SPEAKER_00: This isn't an unsafe situation.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is a situation that will create long-term safety.
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  SPEAKER_00: So to summarize, notice how the friendship affects you, identify what you need, communicate your boundary clearly, accept that you cannot control their reaction and take appropriate action if the boundary continues to be crossed.
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  SPEAKER_00: You deserve friendships where your needs, feelings, and boundaries are respected.
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  SPEAKER_00: Protecting your well being doesn't mean that you don't care about someone, it means recognizing that you matter as well.