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Ben Utecht - A Super Bowl Champion’s Playbook For Leading At Home · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, I'm Riley, and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Hey everybody, it's KTKs with the quarterback.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to season seven.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: Can't wait for this season as there's a lot of great guests ahead.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's a podcast where we we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode from the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jacob with the Quarterback Dadcast, and um shout out to Mr.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Kranick for introducing another fantastic guest uh for us today.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um many people don't know this, but um he has a hell of a voice we're gonna learn about.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh he is was a beast in the the Minnesota Gophers at tight end.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: He was a beast in the NFL with uh little small team called the Indianapolis Colts, and he won this small little award called a Super Bowl, everybody, uh, and played for the one only Tony Dungey, who I have a ton of respect for.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I know that Tony was a huge mentor for Ben UTEC.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: But with all that said, everybody, that's not why we're having him on.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: We're having Ben on to learn more about Ben the dad and how he's working hard or continually continuously worked hard, even as a tight end to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: So without further ado, Mr.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: UTEch, welcome to the quarterback podcast.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, Case.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Excited to uh spend some time with you.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate it, man.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm actually I'm actually most grateful that the good Lord in all of his wisdom thought that I should have four daughters.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you, like every day I wake up with these five incredible women in my life.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, it's it's tongue in cheek, right?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's you know, I I often get the oh I wow, I I I feel bad for you kind of reaction to that.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: But I gotta tell you, I've learned more about myself as a man being surrounded by these incredible women um than in any other time of my life.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm actually really thankful to be a girl dad.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's the best, man.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: I have um I love it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I have a I am uh I have two two kids, um, son 20, daughter almost 18.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: She'll be 18 here on September 5th.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I know my son would be mad if I said this, but she's the toughest one in our family.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, she's she's recovering from ACL, MCL meniscus right now, right in the heat of rehab, and just is owning it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I mean, it's just been so fun to watch.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: And even today, like she got home after doctor appointment, went to the gym by herself.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: I like rebounding for her, so I was like, I was outside, I'm taking a call.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh, she'd bring her bottle and want you to rebound.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: No, dad, my friend's come down and rebound for me.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: So and her friend, who's her her high school teammate, she's she's a she'll be a senior this year.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: She's got one year left, and but she's got a broken thumb.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: And my daughter's got a you know, we're covering ACL and they're shooting together.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, this is the freaking best.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm I'm grateful for that for that day, just watching.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um my curiosity, curiosity has already gone off the chart.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: You said that you've learned so much about maybe yourself having five, yeah, five women in the house.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me what's like the the biggest thing you learned about yourself.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, honestly, that uh with with with these five women, it's been amazing to um really understand what it means to um to pursue them intentionally um in a way that that really uh allows me to be uh present in their in their life.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I think uh that comes through a number of different forms.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, it's been um it's really come through clearly on these four foundational value principles that we talk a lot about in our house, which is uh listening, learning, language, and love.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: And uh these four foundational principles uh seem to be the bedrock of uh um the success of the relationships that I have with my daughters.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, am I am I working towards being a champion listener, a champion language user, someone who communicates really well?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um someone who um learns is constantly you know pursuing more knowledge and understanding.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's a big deal with uh with being a father of all girls.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the pursuit of knowledge and the pursuit of understanding, which is ultimately the pathway to wisdom.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I've learned so much about you know the importance of the words that I use in order to communicate and the way that I listen in order to learn and ultimately reflecting in how I'm unconditionally loving these girls.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so those four qualities in my life have improved significantly over the last 17 years, which is which translates completely over into business and and other relationships that I have in my life.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: I couldn't agree more as an author, a speaker, you know, consultant, whatever the in all the work you're you've done.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's um that's it, you know.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: I when I think about values, they're they're they're either words on a wall or they're actually things you work on intentionally all of the time.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I think I've seen too many companies and people sometimes they got you know 86 values.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Well, to me, that's too many.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: We gotta like you gotta pick like two or three to get really, really good at, and then just make and then um but uh well and that's the that goes back case to the knowledge and the understanding.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, I I spend all of my corporate career is as a chief culture officer.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: My whole my whole calling, assignment, passion is to help organizations build championship culture.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: And what I thought, just to build off of what you said, because it's so true and it's so important as a dad, is every company does mission, vision, values, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Words hidden on an about page.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we've done it, we've defined our culture.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: Rarely do we even go that far at home, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: But we need to go that far at home.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: But but this was really interesting to me as I was, you know, as I've been mentored and and studied uh organizational psychology as a culture officer that organizational psychology agrees that every culture in the world comes out of the espoused beliefs, assumptions, and artifacts of the community, not value.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: Value principles are artifacts of foundational belief that become the symbols or the ref representation of what we actually believe in the core, right?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: And you've got the Ted Lasso sign behind you, I've got the Ted Lasso chapter in my book, but but but that was is what was so profound about that television show, is it was really about going underneath the value and discovering the beliefs that actually drive human behavior towards reflecting those value principles.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: And and you know, that's a process, right?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: And we don't often think about it that way, but but belief ultimately is what drives human behavior and drives us towards choosing the values that we want to be symbols of what it is we actually believe.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: But within the beliefs is the objective strategy and practicable systems to actually go and do and develop and apply.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: And that's been we talk about that all the time in our family, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's one thing to understand the what, the what is easy.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: We we talk about the what all the time, but the why, the Simon Cynic, the power of why, the understanding is so critical because it leads us towards the secret sausage, which is okay, how are we going to actually apply this now to our life?
• 8:20
  unknown: Right.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: So that's like a a belief process that I take my daughters through.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever they, you know, stand firm on a value that they have, it's always well, what what, why, and how.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, talk to me a little bit more about what like what is the core belief that that makes you care so much about that value and why does it matter to you so much, you know, which really causes them to you know search themselves.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like Aristotle said, the beginning of wisdom is you know, the pursuit of knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's you know the importance of knowing themselves and then really coming alongside them and giving them some I call them simply profound practices.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: They're simple and yet profound in the way that they uh impact the girls.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's that's just something that's been uh you know a huge I think development factor in how we've you know tried to steward our relationship with our girls.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's awesome.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's cool.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, some some you know, the word vulnerabilities, I think it's getting more and more popular, which I think is fantastic because I think it's a secret to connection.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, Brene Brown's one of the queen of it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm I was lucky enough to see her speak at a LinkedIn conference back in 2016.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: I've never seen anybody who was like so eloquent eloquently drop an untimed F bomb that was so well welcoming.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: And it was like just absolutely I was like, Did you just drop an F-bomb?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: What was that?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: But it was just like it just fit.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: And um, you know, I think most guys, like Lisa, shout out to my pops, he's rest in peace.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but his generation in the 40s, 50s, that the if we would have said vulnerability back then, you would have got your ass beat.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and I think now it's so vulnerability keeps our ego checked.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: I try to talk about it to my kids all the time about like asking for help is such a gift, and you you you let someone else help you and shine on their strengths, and we all have weaknesses, so you either can like lie to yourself or just stay just stay humble and realize that we all got gaps.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know if you're like a former athlete, but like when we watch film, film never lies.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: No, right?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: You heard how many times we heard that, you know, and you can't hide from it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, and it's you know, it it so when you when you think about language, you know, the reason I chose language, you know, over communication is that in the Peyton Manning offense, which was one of the most intricate audible systems that has ever existed in the NFL, every single word meant something very specific.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so all 11 players on the offense had to understand exactly what Peyton meant by every single word that he used in order for us to be able to go and execute.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Now, we can never accomplish that in human communication because we we speak out of uh assumption.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: I I assume that every word that I use, you're going to understand it exactly the way that I want you to, but I can't I can't.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: But we but we can try, right?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of it's what I think is great about Ms.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: Brown is that she she's part of that vulnerability is re-education around the word, because you say that word in a group of 10 men, and you're gonna have 10 different, you know, um emotional and intellectual responses to that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it's gonna be connected to things that they've been through and what you know.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: When in reality, you know, there I think that there are so many, I think people jump to conclusions on vulnerability, right?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: That it's that it's you having to literally tell people your darkest secrets.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And that's that's maybe one of the layers of vulnerability that only comes through significant trust, right?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: But really kind of re-educating around the different layers of vulnerability.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Workplace vulnerability vulnerability is different than friendship vulnerability, it's different than you know, uh parenting vulnerability and and so on and so forth.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um but but yeah, that the importance of really bringing alignment to to those words is something that's that's really been important for me as a dad because I can I can just say things, you know, to my girls, and I find out a week later that um it's been affecting them this whole this whole week.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden it comes out in a blow-up, and you have to go in and deconstruct everything.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: And and it and it all came back to this conversation we had at the dinner table.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I said this word, and they they took it this way, you know, and because we were not in alignment on on the language.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so again, another you know, more evidence of how I've grown is is to be able to, even in those situations when we have deeper conversations, to pause and to say, you know, do you have any questions about what I'm saying or some of the words that I'm using?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's you know, if I can ask those questions and pause and give her an opportunity to, you know, to respond, then I gain more knowledge and understanding and I can make sure that we have more alignment.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_03: So and and what you just described also is a great way of us dads checking our ego big time and realizing that you know, I mean, one, give ourselves grace.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's like our intent isn't to go have a blow up with our daughter or son, but we're gonna mess up too.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I think being a father is the most important job in life that you never have to take a test to become a dad.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you said you know, when you use the word humility, you were a hundred percent spot on.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: The the culture um that we created for the huddle in Indianapolis, we literally had a culture of the huddle.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: It was created by our offensive coordinator, Tom Moore.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: And the culture of the huddle was stop, look, and care.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: Stop was the act of selflessness or humility to give the leader the stage of the stage of speech.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: So as as when Peyton stepped into the huddle, everything stopped.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: It was an act of selflessness and humility by the other players to give the leader the stage of thought.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Look was the pursuit of information.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: So not only were we told to listen to Peyton, but we were told to look directly at the words that are coming out of his mouth so that we could use multiple senses because in front of 80,000 people you might not hear everything.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: So look is active listening, is the pursuit of information.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: And then last was care, the power of empathy, right?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: The ability to put yourself in the position of the person you're sitting next to.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: But it first starts with humility to be a great listener, you have to have humility.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: You you have to make a selfless decision to stop and give someone else the opportunity to speak.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: And man, that's without judgment.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: Without judgment, and that's a big I'm telling you, especially with these five women in my life, like that's a big deal.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, and the whole time, Casey, like what's behind me in kind of overseeing my hopes for their future is that the better I do, and the more I'm willing to develop myself, um, you know, towards creating deeply meaningful relationships, and the stronger the standard I set for the men that are going to come into their life and their know it's a big drive, yes, dude.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's a big driver for me.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if there's anything that is the most important calling on my life as a dad of four girls, it's to strive towards setting the bar as high as I possibly can.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: And and honestly, like they deserve it, they deserve it, and I I'm I try to be as intentional as I can.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: How how I treat my wife, how I argue with my wife, how I um seek forgiveness from my wife, and um, you know, all of those things they're just watching.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: And if I can show them a man who can be bold and strong and courageous when he needs to be, but he can be meek and he can be humble and he can be gentle, I want to create I want to create the standard that hopefully they bring into an expectation in future dating relationships, you know?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's and it and they're it they watch more than they listen.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, we can say these things, but it I love that that's how you how even like when when I mess up, I like to apologize in front of the kids or I'll say, Hey, dad was out of line there.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: I want I shouldn't let you know I apologize to your mom that I should not have said that.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: Or yes, uh, you know, and not because I'm trying it's not showy, it's teaching, it's walking the walk of what we're yeah passionate about.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um all right, I could I could keep on this thing for like an forever, but I want to I want to I want to wind the tape a little bit.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um bring us in the side of the huddle.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: So talk about how you and your wife met and then just briefly talk about uh each member of the squad.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I met my wife at the University of Minnesota.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I played uh I was there for five years, registered my first year with an injury, but then uh started four years at tight end.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: I met my wife um our second year, uh she was the captain of the women's golf team.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: So we met, you know, through the athletic department.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: We all also met through um FCA, which is Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and and um had really built a an amazing friendship, um the which is kind of cool how it all worked out, but we eventually started seriously dating um our senior year in college.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think because we had built this friendship over the last few years, um, you know, we knew right away, we knew really early that uh that this would be the forever relationship.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: So four four daughters, what what ages are they remind me again?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: Four daughters.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Uh 17 is our oldest, identical twin girls at 15 and 11.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um they they are wonderful girls.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they absolutely love volleyball, diehard volleyball players, all very talented.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: Our oldest just committed a full ride to Mississippi State.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: So she'll be playing in the SEC this next year, which is so exciting.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: And and and I think the other three have you know college potential as well.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: So it's gonna be it's gonna be a crazy, it's gonna be a crazy next, you know, four to six years, uh, for sure.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: But but we love it.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I love the culture of volleyball and the the impact that it's had on.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: They're also interested in music, uh, which has been a big part of our life.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: My wife is a pianist, and so um, we've got a lot of music flowing through the house as well.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you um you are a choir, I I I read.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was a choir kid for sure.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: And band.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: What's instrument?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like I well, I'm kind of embarrassed, but I was a tuba player.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I don't know.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of got kind of got pushed into it.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, sixth grade, I couldn't say no to Mr.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Brusick.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Can I play the drums?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, Well, we don't have a tuba player.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Uh can I play the trumpet?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we don't have a tuba player.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's kind of how I got into that, but but uh no, I it's so funny.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know if you remember the TV show Glee that came out.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: So that was my life in high school, like to the core.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was in a three-sport athlete, but I was in five choirs.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: We had a nationally renowned show choir, and I was I was in the show choir, you know, so dancing, singing, doing all the school school musicals.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh my dad was a vocal music major to be a choir teacher before he became a pastor, and my mom was a singer.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: So we we just I just grew up in a in a family that celebrated arts and athletics.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: So that's kind of how I got into all of that.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: Do you still sing?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: I do sing, yeah.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I started I I started singing professionally actually in college and um signed a record deal, um, a Nashville record deal when I was playing in Indianapolis with the Colts.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: And after we retired, we moved to Nashville for a few years to get that going.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um tough industry, man.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Really, really tough.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like tougher than than uh the sports industry, in my opinion, uh, to actually make it.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: But um, but now I sing um every December I have a big holiday show here in Minnesota.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: So we do we do 10-15 concerts around the cities, and um it's yeah, it's a lot of fun.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a um self-taught guitar player.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we have a fantastic.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I always dreamed to play guitar was like just 10 to 15 buddies or my daughters, or my daughter, my daughter, my son, like, and I can just be able to pick up guitar and play like you know, set a song.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: My wife has like the the list where hey, these are the songs you're good at, these are the ones you suck at.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're not gonna play.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Good to know those.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: But um we were we we actually today's what?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: Today's Tuesday we're recording.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: I I played Sunday night and uh ended with.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Fastcar, they're like, oh dude, that was fun.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: And everybody, and I try to stop singing and keep playing, so then everybody else is singing because it makes it fun.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: And then we were just saying goodbye because my people are getting ready to go off to school and college.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: And and one of my buddies go, This is a time of your life.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Ooh.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Any good show has got an encore, guys.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: We got and my wife said, We gotta go to bed.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, No, we don't.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: We got time for one more.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: Green day, time of your life, good rinse.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: Good riddance is coming out.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: Good for you, man.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's awesome.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: I it I just I enjoy it, and I I I a lot of reasons I like doing it.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: One to show my kids that you gotta put yourself out there and try things new.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: I I didn't know how to do this and I still practice and um it's become funny.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: Even my daughter, like she went to a stapleton concert, and then I said her and a boyfriend, I go to try to learn one.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: And so we we I mean, I would say I'm very C minus Stapleton concert.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: I mean singer guy, but like a couple of songs now.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: Don't compare yourself to Chris Stapleton, man.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: We all fall short.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so bring me back to what was life like growing up for you.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: Talk about the impact mom and dad had uh had on you from a values perspective.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, it was uh very significant.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: I I grew up in a I grew up in a family uh that um naturally placed a priority on uh relational and emotional intelligence.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe that maybe that came with being a pastor's kid.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you you think about you think about that role, you know, of being a a shepherd over a community of people.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: And and that's your that's your job is if you're doing it right, is to is to really pour into people.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: And um and and that that that was something that my parents really focused on with myself and my sister.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and we would even have, I remember having you know, weekly family sit-down meetings in the living room.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: And our our parents would just ask us really good, meaningful questions and um inspire us to communicate and and um you know, to, you know, to share about our experiences, to to pray together, which you know was was are I think really unique, you know, um, and whether it's prayer for you or meditation or but but really to come together and to you know identify areas that you want to grow and develop and to meditate and pray on those, like that was something that was really powerful.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um and my dad uh my dad had a uh this this creed that a creed is defined as a set of beliefs that guide the behaviors and actions of people.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, that creed has that has been a catalyst for a lot of what I do to today.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I build organizational creeds now, which is really an amazing process.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: But my dad started it, and you know, his his belief system for me was um honor God, um work harder than everybody else, never stop improving, and have fun.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: And the belief was honor God because I believe if you play for something bigger than yourself, then you reach your greatest potential.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: And number two, outwork everybody else because I believe there's always somebody behind you that wants your job, right?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Number three, never never ever stop improving because improvement leads to ultimate uh potential potential and success.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then Ben like have fun because I believe if you don't love it, then what's the point?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: And we would come back to those themes, you know, over the course of my you know, academic and athletic career, you know, um through through high school, college, and and and even his gentle reminders uh as a professional um to come back, you know, to what ultimately matters.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: And that stuff was transformational.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like it and it it really all came down to really being intentional as a leader.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: That was one of the things that I really um appreciated about my dad is that you know the the the calling to ministry was something he actually brought home.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'd I've had I've had multiple pastors' kid friends that uh didn't have that same kind of relationship, and it ultimately drove them away from you know from their faith.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: But in my per, you know, from my experience, like my dad brought it home, and he took that intentionality uh and he and he gave it to my sister and I, and so and my mom did too.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so they were very intentional with us as kids.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I and you know, you and I talked about the power of the power of the apology.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I remember, you know, my parents um from time to time when when I was willing to be vulnerable and share with them about something that's been a frustration or a disappointment or a hurt that has come out of our relationship, where they where they would actually pause and recognize that and and apologize for that.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so to what we were talking about earlier, like that that really set a standard, you know, for me that I wanted to carry into my relationship with my girls.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: As you think about those, the that creed set of values or you know, themes he was teaching you, or your mom, your mom, dad were teaching you, can you think of a story of how you had to learn that maybe the hard way?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say my greatest lessons really came through injury.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: There were there was a lot of them.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so um starting my junior year in in in high school, and and so you know, going through kind of these micro times of suffering and pain uh that were always causing detours towards you reaching your your goals was a huge challenge.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I think to have you know my parents in place that were, you know, constantly leaning back into these foundational beliefs and uh that that were reflected in these core values um was a great accountability uh partner for me.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: Right, because it always challenged me.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um it always challenged me to really uh I think define myself in a in a healthy way.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think one of the greatest things my parents gave me was really finding my identity as a young adult.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: And and really understanding that the value and significance and purpose that I bring to the world is much bigger than me as an athlete or anything else.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's just it's such a big deal.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I would say that yeah, through you know, through those injuries is I think where I've had some of my greatest moments of of revelation and growth about what really matters and and who I really am.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: And that's yeah, that's a that's a pretty amazing.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: I there's a lot of gratitude for that too, now that I think about it, Casey.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like that, you know, that um that really I think set the tone in my life in ways that if I wouldn't have had that, I would have, I would have had much more just destructive behavior.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Betsy Robinson, CEO of Tier 4 Group, a women-owned and diversity certified technology recruiting and executive search firm that connects exceptional talent with extraordinary companies in 43 states across the U.S.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: At Tier 4 Group, relationships are at the heart of everything we do.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's with our clients, our candidates, our vendor partners, or with each other, our mission is to go beyond transactions and create long-lasting partnerships.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just help companies find talent, we help them find the right talent.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that starts with truly understanding our clients and candidates.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just about filling roles, it's about fostering success for the long term.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is the recipe for success that's landed us on the 5006 consecutive years and has us outpacing our competition across the country.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm thrilled to support Casey Jacobs' podcast.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: Casey's philosophy aligns perfectly with ours, prioritizing relationships over transactions.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: His insight on building trust, empathy, and connection resonate deeply with the way we do business at Tier 4 Group.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: We were honored to have Casey as our keynote in our 2024 kickoff, and all of our new hires read his book when the relationship not the deal, when they start here with us.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're looking for a partner who values relationships as much as results, visit us at tier4group.com or connect with me, Betsy Robinson, directly on LinkedIn.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: And while you're at it, keep tuning in to Casey's podcast.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: You'll look away inspired to strengthen your own relationships, both personally and professionally.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And as Casey always says, stay curious.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, think about um like when you I know when I left uh when I left the the mighty Central Washington D2 level, when I got when I got done, they didn't go out, they stayed, the university kept going.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh when I end left corporate for a great 20-year run, they didn't go out of business.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: When you left the Colts, the NFL didn't stop.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so the fact that you learned that earlier is um I mean what a gift they gave you.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: And the and one, you you were you were able to seek lean into it.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and Dungey coached that.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: The the very first team meeting that I ever sat in as a rookie, Tony Dungy walks in.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, keep in mind there's there's five players that are in the hall of fame out of that team currently, and there might be more coming.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: And Bill Pullian, our general manager, is in the hall of fame.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, I mean, this is a this is a a stacked team.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: And here comes Tony Dungey into the team meeting room, and the first words out of his mouth were men, if you're sitting in this room and your entire identity is wrapped up in a sport, you've completely missed the purpose of your life.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: That's the first thing out of a professional NFL head coach's mouth on on the very first team meeting.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I couldn't believe it.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: It it forever changed my life.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know, uh everything that I do today is is really uh built around what Tony Dungey you know created in that in that culture.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: But but that is so important, and we we have to be bringing that message to our children.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_03: How often do you have that conversation with your daughters about identity in volleyball?
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so much, so much.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, listen, one thing that that you'll learn more and more about me, Casey, is I I'm super vulnerable.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I have uh I love vulnerability.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: Vulnerability equals connectivity, kind of what I say for today.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I I I'm built for girls, and so I love going in uh to their rooms and just you know just going deep into the layers.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: I I I like listening, I like learning, and I like you know, the soft moments, you know, where you can bring gentle challenges and new insights, and you know, um it's it's it's it's really important.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we try to we try to bring education into it.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: All all three of the girls, the older girls are reading the champion's mindset right now.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so we get to, you know, spend time going through those chapters and talking about, but everything is coming back to you know to their identity.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that volleyball is a is an aspect of it, but it but it's not you know it's not the core.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_03: My son, um my son plays golf, so your wife probably knows all about identity and your I mean golfers, their score is everything.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I just I just constantly remind him like, buddy, I want you to play well, but if you shoot 68 or 82, I still love you the same.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: And two things I'll guarantee you, sun's coming up tomorrow, and I'm gonna love you more tomorrow than I love you today.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and but it is it, and it's actually I had a m a member of guest golf tournament like a month ago.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: Played great the first two days, like 71, 74.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, and me and my buddy right there, God had a different plan for day three.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_03: I went and shot 86.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, what the hell just happened?
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_03: And he had to see me.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so all I thought was much that I was frustrated, embarrassed, angry.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_03: My first thought was set an example, bro.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: Your son's chatting for a different group, he's following us.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like all the things you talked about, body language, you know, don't be an a-hole to your uh playing partners.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_03: All I kept going was like, you better walk the walk.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta walk the walk.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, it was not easy to do, but like, and even now with my daughter in basketball, her identity was I mean, not I everything, but like it she had to take a step back and then realize that wow, this could be taken from me quickly.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: And um I'm grateful.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_03: I think we talked before we recorded I I went through an injury where I lost, I know you talked about yours, your senior and two, but you know, losing losing my senior high school, and then because sometimes we when people go through struggle in life, it's easy to say, Oh, I know how you must be feeling.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of times they have no idea what you're feeling.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_03: But to be able to say, to say that to her, and I'll say, if you're ever curious and you want to talk through these emotions that I know you're probably gonna go through because I already went through them, I'm here to I'm here to talk.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I want it to be when you're ready, not I don't want to force this on you, you know.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think sometimes again, trying to let humility, curiosity, and vulnerability drive me as a person, was dad, husband, leader, speaker, whatever it may be, friend.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, that's a tough one though, isn't it though?
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because they're, you know, it depends on it depends on kind of the you know, personality of my daughter.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: So there, and this is what this is kind of the paradox of wisdom, right?
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: Wisdom is this unique thing that is somehow created out of knowledge and understanding and experience.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: And the combination of the three uh at the intersection is is is is wisdom, right?
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so there are moments, and I'm sure you've I'm sure you've experienced there are moments where um there are moments in in and there have been in in my relationship with the girls where um it's time to push.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but but it I can only make that out of uh out of wisdom, right?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, and that comes out of you know the knowledge, understanding, and experience that I've had with them.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, because I think most of the time my posture is exactly what you described.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: But there have been moments where, you know, in order to help them break through, you know, whether it was an emotional wall or barrier or physical wall or barrier, you know, they needed somebody to gently give them that nudge, you know, or that or that push.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, left to their own, you know, devices, they'd be idle.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I couldn't agree more.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: I I I found least from for my kids, I use um I use curiosity.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_03: So I'll say, hey, tell me what's changed.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: Or I'll say, hey, as a reminder, dad's got zero eligibility left.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I can't go do the work for you.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_03: Now, or I'll like but I probably the most painful one I did for my son, it was hard for me to do when he was like call it 12 or 13, or maybe yeah, 13, he was starting to get into golf, but he didn't it was more like hey, dude, you want to go to the range?
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't ever him driving it.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_03: And and we were great lucky enough to belong to a club, golf club where I l where I live.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_03: And so I I went to my wife and said, Hey, I'm you don't golf honey, so I'm I don't want to pay for a family membership if it's only me using it.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I told my son, hey bud, um taking you off the membership, um, and it's just gonna be mine.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you obviously doesn't look like this is a huge priority for you anymore, which is totally cool.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_03: This is your journey, not mine.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you can still go as a guest once a month with me.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but if you show me that this really matters to you and you want to put in the work because you told me, but if your goals have changed, that's fine.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_03: We'll find you a different activity.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, dude, it it freaking set a fire.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: Let a fire.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: And we have to make those decisions all the time.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I need people in my life, you know, to be to be those individuals for me too, you know.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that's such a good process to go through.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um if you if you had to think about like fast forward um call it all the girls are done, and and uh then you you you run across a a neighbor or um whoever in life and and and and they could and you and your wife could say, man, if our if these people that we we maybe it's Tony Dungey, and if Tony Dungey if described your girls in three words, um as maybe a theme of all them, what would what words would come to mind to describe the theme?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_03: The women they become that they are telling blank and blank.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: Holy cow.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh faithful, kind, relentless.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: Love that.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know though, but that's it, it's like I'm just like those are good ones, though.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: Taking what's coming in, um it's a really good question, and I feel like I'd have different three different words for each girl.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's fair.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, and I think there's there's a there's a there's a broader spectrum behind that, but those would be really cool to be able to say.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of a lot of power in all in all those words.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um in all those words.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um what would be uh if you had to say the hardest part of of being a dad so far?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think some of the hardest times um for me have been, you know, as we've obviously raising our our girls in a in a very unique culture than the culture that we grew up in, um, and the things that they're facing.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that there have been a number of um you know, a number of growth opportunities where the best way to help them understand was for me to be open about things that I um am not proud of from my own past.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I you know, I think it I think it's it makes me unique, I think, as a as a father to be willing to go there.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we've spent a lot of time talking with the girls about um the purpose of dating and uh wanting them, wanting to do our best to empower them um and to you know to see to to see dating um as an important and significant uh process of maturation, not just uh something that you go and do uh, you know, to experiment, but uh something that is a reflection of the care that you have for yourself.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I I decided, hey, I I've I've screwed this up in the past and I've learned the hard way.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: And that was really hard because in many ways they look at me as kind of this giant of a man, you know, who's done all these things.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so it was a you know, when I when I shared some of those those uh shortcomings in my own life, you know, some of the sin from my past and that I wish I could go back and make different decisions.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad I've learned from it and I can share this with you, but but that was hard.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that was embarrassing and it was you know emotional, but ultimately the result is that we grew closer together because I was willing to and they and they and because of that they they've learned a you know totally different perspective, you know, from someone that they really trust that has helped them grow in in you know how they are gonna choose to pursue relationships moving forward.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: But it was hard.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think you're you're walking the walk of what your dad taught you though, ma'am.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_03: Always improve.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_03: And 100%.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes, you know, it's like when people call us out or we mess up, it's never fun.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_03: But we have in all those moments, there's choices.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_03: There's choices to either let your ego stand in the way of growth or just like own it and like, hey, God's doing this for a purpose or the universe or whatever you want to believe in, whoever's listening.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I mean, I think about one of my hardest ones was when I got I left corporate and my identity was tied to like winning sales awards and being on the stage and a lot of the attaboys, and then when you leave, it's like, okay, now what am I?
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: I do and uh and then I this coaching journey found me and I loved it and I still love it, but then I found myself like like coaching my kids in a way, using like or coaching my wife, or even like you know, I'd do her podcast and I'd send all my buddies and they're like, dude, we don't that's cool, but we don't care.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_03: Or I mean in in a nice way, and I was like going over the top, didn't realize it, and then my wife went to said, Hey, um, we want Casey back.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, Wait, what?
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, We don't want to be coached.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_03: And dude, it was brutal.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, to to get that, but I was I had a choice, and once I like accepted it, and like, okay.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_03: And then but now I have it's like it took me to another level, I think.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, and I only that's why I like being constantly trying to use curiosity before I coach people.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's like either I'll say permission to coach or hey, tell me what it be would you like some feedback here, or even like using versus just jumping down people's throat or their or telling because maybe that they might not be ready to listen.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100%.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's just it's a waste of my time and waste of their time, and it then it might cause more conflict.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: So like I like sharing those stories with my kids sometimes when um you know silence just like in business can be a secret weapon.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um silence and like be more interesting than interested and amazing.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: Silence and silence and asking asking good questions, which I know you are very good at, but that's it's really a good way to approach it takes practice intentionality.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and sometimes I hear people say, Oh, I'm not a good listener, well then practice it.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: Or oh, yeah, one of the one of the things Donji would say is there's no stupid questions.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: We can't afford to ask questions on Sunday.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, we we used to have to at, you know, we used to have to ask questions before we leave the the tight ends room, which is actually really interesting.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I brought this into business that you know, if if you're working with a small group and you know, you're doing a development session or you're doing a meeting um and everybody in the room has to ask a question before the meeting's over, automatically you've you've increased uh you know the importance of listening.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: They have to pay more attention, they have to write down multiple questions because one of what if one of their co-workers asked a question they were gonna ask, and you've removed all insecurity from people having to ask a question in front of their peers.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: Now everybody does.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, those little strategies are awesome.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so when you you transition from uh NFL, um, talk about how how how did you get into the work you're doing now and how can we let other people find you and learn more about work you're positive practice on people?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, still a mystery.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_02: How how did I go from one career where my job was to hit people for a living to a second career where to care about people?
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_02: But no, I I knew my degree was public speaking, and you know, I I grew up around a man that used words every week to positively transform people, and I knew I wanted to do that.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it just was from a different platform.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: And when I retired, I just couldn't get past what I experienced in Indianapolis through Tony Dungey, right?
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: The first to win a Super Bowl built on servant leadership.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: The belief was that if I build better men, I get better football players.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: And what made him unique is that he he practiced what he preached.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like we we did all the work on the field to become better as athletes, but he had he had created strategies and and systems that we could practice to develop ourselves as men.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_02: And if we grew as as men, it would transfer over to the field.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it and it ultimately led to a world championship.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: So that's the story I began telling, and I mean which brought me into the corporate speaking world, which has been very successful for me and then traveling all over the country and the world and doing doing um a lot of events um that led to being a chief culture officer in a large private equity firm in Minnesota.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: So now I got the opportunity to go from being an inspirationalist to an operationalist and over saw culture.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: There was 28 companies and nine industries in the portfolio.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: So um it was a living laboratory and and and got to learn a lot uh about application, and then wrote the book out of that, which really just kind of took the speaking to a whole nother level.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then for the last year, we've been developing this first of its kind belief and behavioral AI culture platform and human human development platform.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's pretty unbelievable.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm really excited uh to see where that's gonna go here over the next year.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, we'll succeed.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_03: We'll make sure that um we make the the book available for people so they can find it.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: We'll make sure they can link some of your your speaking.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um if you have a favorite speech you'd like to give, I can link it in the show notes from YouTube or well, yeah.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_02: Just I mean, venutech speaks.com, they're all there.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_02: And um the book is there too.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I'm super accessible on LinkedIn.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: I I I really enjoy meeting people and and um especially if anybody has you know issues with culture and they want to with they want to get into that stuff.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm super accessible.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um do you still keep in touch with Coach County a lot?
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that team is you know, that team is really close.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_02: So stay in touch with a lot of those guys, and and uh I've gotten to do a number of events with Tony over the years.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: He's just he's the real deal.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, his book, Uncommon, was fantastic, and I love that word, uncommon.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's a something uh a mentor of mine said that word often, and then it made me think of his book, but then it just it's it's a choice to be uncommon, you know, and everything you do, it's it's either common or uncommon.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like how you listen, how you you talk more, how you follow up with a client, how you treat an employee, you see if you see garbage on the floor, you pick it up.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, little things.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um you walk by the dishwasher as a dad.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, my wife will do that.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_03: No, why don't you do it?
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care if you worked all day.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: She so did she just did different types of work if she stayed, if you know spouse stays at home.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I just I love that word.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's such a powerful one.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um so you so Benutechspeaks.com.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's the best place we can send people.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, to learn more about me and what I'm doing, and also LinkedIn.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I I'm doing a lot of content creation and and a lot of um kind of inspirational and yet educational, you know, coaching stuff that I've that I'm putting out every week.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_02: So check it out, man.
• 51:01
  unknown: Cool.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_03: Love to meet you.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_03: I will make sure we just that we do that.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm grateful that our our paths have um um our paths have have crossed.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um as we wrap up here, if you had to summarize everything we talked about today, maybe in like three actionable themes that dads can take from our conversations they've been that that they can apply to their own life or look themselves in the mirror to watch film in their own life, to be a better leader, be a better father, um, husband.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's just go right, let's just pull right from the you know, the the four beliefs of of my family culture.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I would just encourage men um with their wives and their children to strive towards being champion listeners.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, act with selflessness and humility.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, when your children and when your wife speak to you, uh they're speaking because they have something important to say.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_02: And the better you listen, the more they feel valued and significant.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: And the language, you know, we we we rush emotionally into conversations all the time.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason that pause is so important is so that we can really ask three questions that revolve around content, purpose, and delivery.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_02: What are you saying?
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you saying it?
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_02: And how are you saying?
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: As men, if we can answer those three questions before having um serious conversations with our wife and children, you know, the result will be um will be much better.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then lastly is is love.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's uh it's it's such such a powerful platform, uh, even in the workplace, you know, obviously different than familial.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh but it is uh it is kind of the foundation and it really comes down to how are your behaviors reflecting deep value and respect for the people that uh you care most about in your life.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: And and your words and your behaviors are gonna be the story that you tell them about what your love looks like.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so I would just, you know, try to keep these types of themes at the at the front of your mind, um, you know, so that you can when you find yourself in those moments, you have the ability to pause and actually apply those practices.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_02: And if you do consistently over time, you'll see the the positive ripple effects that happen in those relationships.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_03: So good, ma'am.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I love selfishly.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_03: I get free therapy out of this podcast.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: I pay for it myself.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_03: And um I I've interviewed 370 something odd dads.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_03: The goal is to get to a thousand.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um just finished the first quarter.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_03: We got we got not even until halftime yet, but it's uh it's super fun.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_03: I literally my goal when I first did it, someone someone said, What's your goal?
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: I said, do an episode every week.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um every week to keep and keep going.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it's now time to go into the lightning round where I ask, I show you the the negative hits of taking too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um your job is to uh answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my hope is to get a get a good giggle out of you.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: Uh true or false, you taught Tate Manning, Omaha.
• 54:30
  unknown: False.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_01: False.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh who wins the long drive between you or your wife?
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: 100% me.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, no question.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: How many faraways you had in?
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's another maybe zero.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe zero out of 18, one.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_03: Uh if there was to be one genre of music that would surprise people that you could sing, what would it be?
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Basketball pop.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like Josh Rogan.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_01: Big time Josh Roban singer.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_02: And Bu Blay.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_03: I love Booblay.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_03: Christmas Bublet song does not get better.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_03: Does not, and I will, my kids make fun of me all the time.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'll let the frickin' vocals fly on that one.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if I came to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_03: Take your mashed potatoes.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_03: If you were to take your wife on vacation, sorry girls, you're staying home.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_03: Just mom and dad, where are you taking her?
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I want to go to the um, I want to go to the Ritz Carleton in um is it Nevada?
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: What's the big what's the big lake mountain there?
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_01: Tahoe.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_01: Tahoe, yeah.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: I've just seen the pictures.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like that that's where I want to go.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uncommon.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, there we go.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_03: Part two.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_03: Now, believe it or not, Ben, Uncommon, your version is outselling dungeys.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uncommon.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I can't find it everywhere.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_03: I've tried Airports, I've tried Amazon, I've tried Barnes and Noble.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_03: So now we're gonna make a movie out of this bad boy.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_03: Netflix just won the rights to the script.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_03: You've been named the casting director, and I need to know who's gonna star you in this critically acclaimed Hit New movie.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_02: Who's gonna star me?
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but uh me as um like dad age or me as like college.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like what part of the movie are we going through?
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's I want it to be the same dude.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: All right, same dude.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: So 45, he's probably kind of you know, he's probably kind of narrating a lot of the movie, which is going back in time and reliving everything.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_02: So that would be Henry Campbell.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a big Superman fan, so Henry Campbell is Man of Steel.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, love it.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and then last the most important question tell me two words that would describe your wife.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: Steward.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: And selfless.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_03: Boom.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_03: Lightning round's over.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_03: We both giggled.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_03: I usually always laugh at my own joke, which is a key theme of being a dad, is just to have 20 dad jokes.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_03: Man, this has been an honor.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh honor talking to you.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm grateful for Mark introducing us.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful for you, great for your time.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_03: I I love, I love, love, love when I see people who've had a lot of success in life and they don't let them define themselves and they and they you're climbing that second mountain.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_03: And uh it's a great book, by the way, for another book.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_03: But um, it just I think it's so cool that you're sharing these experiences with your daughters, with you know, people around the world, and uh you're sending the elevator back down to to build people back up and bring people to just their best version of themselves, like you know, next sharing helping people make them their lives better and what your dad taught you, man.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_03: So thanks, yeah.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_03: Appreciate you.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_03: And everybody will make sure that these are linked to to learn more about Ben.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if you're not taking time to leave us a review or comment, or if this episode's um inspired you to share it with a friend.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, let's help other dads become better leaders of their communities, their homes, their companies, um, wherever wherever they they are.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_03: And um just thank everybody for listening.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_03: But appreciate you, man.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_03: I hope our paths crossed to meet you in first and maybe we'll go out and have you run a few routes for them.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: That'd be awesome.
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do it.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_03: Bye, man.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: See ya.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_03: See ya.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you again, everybody, for listening to this week's episode.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_03: And a huge favor now, if you have enjoyed this podcast, please, wherever you just listen to it, go into the your phone, the computer, and click on reviews and leave us a review, leave us a rating, hopefully five stars if you if you like it a lot, which will help us be easily to be found by new listeners that are going to be wanting to learn more about quarterback deck.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's one about ways they can become a multiple quarterback for the leader of their household.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_03: And even better yet, if this episode touched it, please share it with a friend.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, find another episode that you like, share that episode with a friend.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna continue to keep growing this thing in quest to get to a thousand dads.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_03: So I appreciate you uh continuing to listen each and every week.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_03: And thank you again for all your support.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: I wish you uh a great rest of your day.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_03: And we can't wait to see you next week.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_03: See everybody.