Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / Why Women Leaders Face a Higher Emotional Labor Tax
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, let me ask you something. You've managed teams. When someone on your team is having a rough day—they're frustrated, anxious, about to cry in a one-on-one—who's expected to absorb that, smooth it over, get them back on track? Luna: I mean, the answer is me. It's always been me. And honestly, I never really questioned it until I started noticing that my male peers in similar roles didn't seem to carry that same weight. Lucas: That's exactly the emotional labor tax. And a 2025 study from the University of Michigan followed 1,400 managers across four industries—tech, healthcare, finance, and retail—and found that women leaders spend up to thirty percent more time on emotion-work tasks than men in the same role. We're talking about managing team morale, reading the room, anticipating unspoken needs, mediating conflict. Luna: Thirty percent. That's huge. And it's not just time—it's cognitive load, it's emotional depletion. No wonder women leaders burn out faster. Lucas: Right. The study also found that this work is rarely, if ever, reflected in performance reviews. It's invisible. So women are doing more work, but it doesn't show up in the metrics that drive promotions and raises. Luna: There's a term for that—the 'office housework' gap. But this is specifically about emotional housework. It's the relational maintenance that keeps a team from falling apart. Lucas: Exactly. And here's where it gets tricky: if a woman leader refuses to do that work—if she says, 'I'm not going to absorb every team member's emotional upheaval'—she's penalized. The Michigan study called it a 'coldness penalty.' She's seen as unkind, unapproachable, not a team player. Luna: But a male manager who sets the same boundary is seen as efficient, or as someone who respects professional boundaries. It's a double bind. Lucas: Yeah. The study found that women who pushed back on emotional labor expectations received 40 percent more negative feedback in their reviews, particularly around collaboration and interpersonal skills. It's a concrete penalty. Luna: Forty percent more negative feedback. That's not a perception problem—that's a structural bias baked into the evaluation system. Lucas: You know, it reminds me of something one of our listeners wrote in. She's a VP at a mid-size marketing firm, and she said she spends about three hours a week just 'checking in' with team members who are struggling—not because it's in her job description, but because she feels responsible for the emotional climate. Her male counterpart doesn't do that, and his team doesn't expect it. Luna: And she's probably seen as the 'heart' of the team, while he gets to focus on strategy. That's a career cost. Lucas: It is. And this is the kind of topic where we really value your thoughts, because it affects so many of you directly. We deliberately don't run ads on these episodes, by the way—we want to keep the conversation focused and accessible. If you find value in shows like this one, and you want to support that choice, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a way to keep the show ad-free and independent. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to make a big difference. And we really appreciate those of you who've already chipped in. Now, let's get back to the tax. Lucas: So the question is: what can organizations actually do? The study offers a few concrete recommendations. First, explicitly name emotional labor in job descriptions and performance reviews. If it's expected, it should be measured. Luna: That's smart. Because right now, it's expected but invisible. If you count it, you can see who's carrying the load. Lucas: Second, the researchers suggest creating anonymous feedback loops—surveys where team members can report who provides emotional support, who resolves conflicts, who boosts morale. That surfaces the hidden work. Luna: And then you can see if it's evenly distributed. In most teams, it won't be. Lucas: Right. Third, the study recommends rotating emotional labor duties. One quarter, a male manager takes the lead on team morale activities. Another quarter, a female manager steps back. Make it a shared responsibility. Luna: I like that because it normalizes the work for everyone. It's not just 'women's work' anymore. Lucas: Exactly. And fourth, they suggest that organizations tie emotional labor to leadership competencies for advancement. If it's part of being a good leader, then everyone should demonstrate it, not just women. Luna: But let's be real—until that happens, what can an individual woman leader do? She's stuck in the system. Lucas: That's a great question. The researchers suggest that women leaders keep a 'shadow log' of emotional labor for two weeks—every time they smooth a conflict, comfort a colleague, manage a mood. Then bring that log to their manager and say, 'This is work I'm doing that's not in my job description. How do we redistribute or recognize it?' Luna: That's a concrete step. But it takes courage. Because the manager might say, 'That's just part of being a leader.' And then you're back to square one. Lucas: Right, but at least it's a documented conversation. And if the manager dismisses it, that's useful information for the woman leader about the culture she's in. Luna: So it's a diagnostic tool. Either the organization responds, or you know it's not a place that values you fairly. Lucas: Exactly. And there's some good news: the study also found that teams where emotional labor was recognized and shared had lower turnover, higher engagement, and better performance. So it's not just about fairness—it's about effectiveness. Luna: That's a powerful argument to make to leadership. You're not just asking for something for women—you're asking for something that makes the whole team better. Lucas: The research is clear: when emotional labor is distributed equitably, everyone wins. The question is whether organizations are willing to look at the hidden load. Luna: And I think a lot of leaders genuinely don't see it. They think they're running a meritocracy, but the invisible work is all on one group. Lucas: That's why the first step is always awareness. So if you're listening and you're a manager—or you aspire to be—start paying attention. Who's the person on your team who always checks in? Who smooths things over? Who knows everyone's personal struggles? Chances are, it's a woman. Luna: And if you're that woman, know that you're not alone. And there are steps you can take. It starts with seeing the work for what it is. Lucas: It's hard work. And it should be shared work. That's the bottom line. Luna: So what's one thing you'd recommend a listener do this week, if they recognize themselves in this conversation? Lucas: Keep a log. Just three days. Note every time you do something to manage someone else's emotional state—even a quick 'How are you really doing?' to a stressed colleague. At the end of the week, look at the total. Then decide if you want to show it to someone. Luna: I think I'm going to do that myself. I might be surprised. Lucas: I think a lot of us would be. And that awareness is the first step toward change.