Latest / She Speaks to Scale / 1. The No. 1 Fear Stopping You from Speaking Up - And How to Move Past It
Transcript
- Sarah Collins: Thank you for listening to this episode of She Speaks to Scale. If you liked the episode or you think it will be useful for someone else, please follow and leave a review. If you've got any questions, do let me know via the social handles in the show notes. And remember to speak with intention, not hesitation, and let your voice be heard. Hello and welcome to She Speaks to Scale with me, Sarah Collins. The podcast that empowers women in business to own their voice, be heard and create impact, one communication insight at a time. I'm a media trainer and communication coach and a former senior television producer. It's my mission to bring the communication skills we need to thrive in today's world of business to the generation of women who simply weren't taught them. Whether it's scaling your voice to step into thought leadership in a media interview, speaking with confidence on camera, on stage and beyond, or scaling the way you communicate when it really counts. This podcast will help you use your voice to be heard in the moments that matter. What will they think? If I make a mistake, will I be judged? These are just some of the thoughts I hear from my clients all the time and what we'll be addressing in today's episode. We're talking about the number one fear holding women back from speaking up, the fear of judgment and how to move past it. One of the most common fears I hear that hold women back from sharing their voice and being visible as a business owner, speaking up at work or putting themselves forward for an opportunity to speak, such as in a podcast interview. Can you guess what it is? It's the fear of judgment. So what is the fear of judgement? Essentially, this is a worry about what others will think of us. And for a lot of people, that will be the worry about what our friends and family will think about what we're doing. But also if we've been in the corporate world, perhaps you've grown a network and you've grown your contacts. And we often about what Katie from accounts who we work with 10 years ago is going to think about what we're doing now. I let the fear of judgment hold me back from starting this podcast for around about 12 months. It went on my vision board at the start of 2025 and it was still on my vision board at the end of 2025. And the reason for that was I was worried about what people in my network would think and my family and my friends too, because sharing my voice in this way previously would have felt really vulnerable, but I'm just grateful that I've been able to do a lot of work on myself, a lot of coaching, a lot of self-development so that actually I can get past that fear of judgment. And that's what I intend to do and help you out with in this episode. So you know that voice in your head, those little whispers, the inner chatter, whatever you want to call it. What will they think of me? Are they going to judge me? What if they think I'm not good enough? Now this is ingrained in us from many years ago because it's a survival instinct. Thousands of years ago being part of a tribe was essential for survival. Rejection from the tribe or exclusion could literally mean death. So we have this deep longing to belong. And as a result, our brains have evolved to be hyper aware of social acceptance and threat. We like to be liked and that can stop us from really achieving our potential. I study communication styles and that's part of the work that I do with my clients. And one of the profiles in particular, there's four in total, fears exactly that, a loss of popularity and social rejection. And for much of the population, this is such a huge fear. It stops them from doing a lot of things. So these thoughts that we have, let's call them our inner critic. And it thrives on keeping you small because it's trying to keep you safe. It's trying to protect you from that embarrassment or rejection that so many of us are fearful of. But in doing that, it also stops you from fully sharing your expertise, your story and your value. When you focus on other people's perceptions, you're placing everything within their control. Think about those thoughts. What do they think? Will they judge me? Whereas what you to do is you want to bring it back under your control. And much of this overcoming of the fear of judgment is about controlling that inner chatter. Speaking confidently is not about removing that fear entirely. I'm not sure we'll ever be to do that, but it's about learning to speak despite it. And that's what we're going to be focusing on today. Let me take you back about 18 months when I was still working in corporate and I had decided I was going to leave and that wasn't a decision that I took lightly. It was one where I felt it was the right time to start my own business and the situation I was in allowed me to be able to do that as well. Now, before that time, I actually very rarely posted on my own social media. And that was because I was afraid to share my voice. very rarely put anything personal up. And I had to find my identity at that time as a business owner. So when I left and I realized that being a business owner would mean being the face of the brand and I would have to be visible, that fear of judgment kicked in. Because whenever you go through a life change, it's quite natural for you to have a shift in identity and for your confidence to dip. If you think about ⁓ being mom and having a baby, it happens then as well. But also, you know, if you're changing ⁓ your roles, you're navigating a ⁓ career change. my previous role, everyone was very active on LinkedIn. And I was quite happy actually being active on LinkedIn when I was in that job role because there was a purpose behind it. But when I started my business, ⁓ that fear was so strong. I actually post on LinkedIn for about four months ⁓ because I was so fearful for what former colleagues would think about what I was doing. And it held me back and it stopped me from progressing in those early days. But the tools that I learned within my coaching qualification, it allowed me to get past this. But I know for so many people I speak to using their voice and speaking what they are up to, whether that's a new business venture or an opportunity they've got coming up, it's really, really difficult. So what are the disadvantages to not sharing your voice? Well, so many jobs in this day and age require you to use your voice, whether that's owning a business and all the marketing, you have to be the face behind the brand. ⁓ You might feel safer avoiding being visible, but then stops you from growing and scaling your business. Perhaps you're in the workplace and you have to deliver presentations and talk to clients. by not sharing your voice, perhaps this could mean you're passed over for opportunities that come up in the future, not showing your potential at work. Work is built on connections ⁓ you need your voice ⁓ be able to maintain and build these. And if people don't get to know you, your insights, your opinions, they're not going to understand what you're capable of, what you could potentially do in the future. And it could mean, and I've seen many women experience this, that you say no to opportunities. Opportunities that could scale your business or authority in the workplace because that fear of judgment is so strong. So how do we stop that inner chatter in its tracks? Now I want to take you back about 10 years ago. I was a chronic over thinker and ⁓ was really anxious about sharing and my So my girls are both in secondary school now, but when they were younger, when they first started school, we would obviously go and do the school run. And I would overthink every single conversation. I would even overthink when I didn't have a conversation. So when I had a conversation with someone, I would go home and think, ⁓ my goodness, what did I say? Why did I say that? She's to think I'm an idiot. And then when I didn't have a conversation with it be, ⁓ why didn't anyone speak to me? ⁓ not worthy of having a conversation with, ⁓ I've got no friends. And what it did was it made my voice shrink and shrink and shrink. And I saw it again when I worked for big organizations. You know, you have opinions and you can say your thoughts and your insights, but when you work for a large organization, there's only so much you can do and say. to help change things and I felt then again that my voice was shrinking slightly. And I realized that there lies a shift that needed to happen. And that was going from, what will they think of me to how can I help others with what I have to say? and understanding that what I have to say matters. What you have to say matters. In TV, we said that ⁓ if we help one person, with what we were producing, then we had done our job. And I think the same applies here. If you can help one person by using your voice, you've done your job. And you could share a story to inspire others to take action or make them feel like they're less alone. Or you could share an experience so that they feel like they can relate to you and that they feel understood. Now I need to be truthful with you because this is not a one-time exercise. This is in fact a daily practice and it's a practice of having that belief in yourself because the alternative is staying silent. Keeping the belief that speaking up is risky. then it makes it harder to overcome the fear of judgement and to break free from it when you really need to speak up. If the fear of judgement is really holding you back from speaking up, then it really is about taking small steps. And I've got four for you here. Firstly, identify what truly matters to you. When we navigate a life change, we can often forget what truly matters to us. So I encourage you to take time out to remember things like your values, what you stand for, why you do what you do for work and what your likes and dislikes are. This reminder instantly raises your confidence about who you are and makes speaking authentically as you more possible. can be as simple as getting a piece of paper and writing it down, but sure you keep it in a place where you can look at it whenever you need to, whenever that inner chatter gets a little bit too much. 2. Deliberately place yourself in opportunities where you think others may judge you. Now this may sound counterproductive, but actually that challenge of putting yourself in situations is really beneficial. It might be networking with peers, perhaps offering to deliver a presentation or speaking to camera on social media. you're like me, you like a challenge and this works, especially if there is a date attached. So perhaps it's a networking event. ⁓ booked a ticket and you have to go, or you have said to yourself that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I'm going to show up live on my social media and you've announced it to your audience. So they're to be expecting that. So give yourself some kind of deadline or something you can work towards where you have to show up. It means there's no backing out. The networking host is expecting you to attend. The audience you have on social media is expecting you to show up live. Holding yourself accountable and then going through with the action is one of the best ways that you can learn to grow and scale the way that you speak. So I'd really encourage you to do that. I took exactly this action with this podcast. So pretty much a month ago this week, I announced to my audience on social media and in my email that I was going to launch a podcast. And what that did was it held me accountable. And so I've been beavering away behind the scenes to get this podcast ready the knowledge that people are expecting. this to go live on the date that I have said, and that people will want to, hopefully want to listen. don't get me wrong. I have had plenty of inner chatter trying to dissuade me from doing it, ⁓ to stop me from putting my voice out there. But I've gone through these techniques. I've reminded myself ⁓ this matters. when I've committed to a date, have an engaged audience that are ready to listen, and that's what really spurs me on to take action. And I want the same for you as well. Number three, put yourself in their shoes. We too often place the control on what others will think, but do we truly ever know? And do we ever even want to know? The truth is if we put ourselves in their shoes and thought about what they would think about us speaking up, those that really count surely would be pleased for you, happy to see you using your voice and could even be inspired by you too. It reminds me of a quote that I absolutely love attributed to Dr. Zeus. Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. For too long, we let the people who mind control our thoughts and stop us from using our voice. But actually let's focus on the people that matter, not the people that mind. A really lovely thing happened to me this week in that I sent an email out the podcast launch and I got a reply from somebody in my network ⁓ she said, I'm really in awe of how you say yes to yourself, overcoming the fears and the judgment. And it was really lovely to receive that message because for years I let the fear of judgment get the better of me. And this podcast does feel like a bit of a defining moment, sharing my voice in a way that previously would have been vulnerable, but it feels like the right thing to do now. And for me, makes me feel like I've come on such a long journey with my voice and it's what I want my clients to experience too. that belief and that confidence that what you have to say matters and that you can use your voice for the greater good. number four is gain some support to help you overcome this. figuring things out for yourself does become difficult. And that's where working with a coach, the way I work with my clients comes in. Across a series of sessions, dive into what's causing these fears ⁓ and coaching exercises and tools, we help you take steps to overcome them. And the act of being accountable ⁓ will you to take steps towards your speaking goal because ⁓ having report back that you've not taken action suddenly doesn't become an option. if you're truly set on changing things and that's how you move forwards. these four small steps of identifying what truly matters to you, deliberately placing yourself in opportunities where you think others may judge you, putting yourself in their shoes and gaining some support to help you overcome this ⁓ can help you to take huge leap forwards in your speaking journey. And when it comes to speaking, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We stumble over our words. Sometimes we say something that perhaps we didn't mean or it got taken the wrong way, but that's what truly makes us human and authentic. And if we do make a mistake, it's quite often that other people haven't noticed and it's only us that really truly sees it. So if this is something you've been struggling with, I want you to remember, Every time you choose to speak, despite the fear of judgment, is you telling yourself your voice matters, that you're ready, you are good enough, and that what you have to say can have a positive impact on others. And when you think of it like that, why wouldn't you share your voice? ⁓