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Choosing More Of What Matters · Aging ain't for Sissies

0:05
SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to AG NA for Sissies.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, everyone.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Hello.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Welcome.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: We finished one full week into January, and I already want to return this year.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: I've tested it out and I'm not really happy with it.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about you.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: Um I try to keep politics out of this show, but our world is a shit show.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just gonna leave it at that.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: It's sad.
0:38
SPEAKER_01: I think about the young people, I think about my great-great-nieces and nephews, I think about the grandchildren that I'll have one day.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: I certainly don't like the direction that we're headed, and that's for everybody.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have my feelings about the administration, but I just don't understand how we have a government with checks and balances and nobody's doing anything.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: So with that being said, I'll let it go.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: And the funny thing is, today we're talking about what I'm choosing more of this year.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: And uh I'm gonna see if I can I can lighten my mood and make things better.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: I do have my fabulous, fabulous road trip coming up for six weeks.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: And I will be recording while I'm on the road.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm really looking forward to it.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: Today is Friday, and I leave on Sunday, and I have six weeks planned of things and people and kind of exhaling after going through a very tough year last year.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: Um not everybody knows all the things I went through last year.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: I went through breast cancer as one of them, and I had several other medical emergencies during the year, which just compounded one right on the other.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: And um, I'm really strong, and I get up and I brush myself off and I move on.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh guy, I'm getting all teary and I move forward.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: But just because I do that doesn't mean it's easy.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: And last year really sucked, and it was really hard, and I'm done with it.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: And then I started out this year with a problem that I carried over from last year.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: And thank you, Jesus, for a friend of mine who was a doctor who listened to my problem and was able to help me.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: And I am now leaving on my trip as healthy as I can be.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: And I'm excited and I'm gonna take good care of myself and I'm gonna go slow.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: And for all of you that are worried about me driving alone, I will be smart, I will be safe.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: When I stop at rest stops to use the restroom, I will walk slow.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: I will make sure I do not trip and fall.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm going to use my time alone on the driving parts to grow and to learn and to become a better person.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to eat a lot of cinnamon bears and drink a lot of Diet Coke.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: I did not expect to get so weepy.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: I apologize.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: The world is a shit show and it's stressing me out.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: But today we are here to talk about something that I hope will help me and I hope it will help you.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: We're going to talk about um, we're going to talk about things that we can let go of.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: And if you listen to last week's episode, we talked about what we were, I'm sorry, letting go of.
3:58
SPEAKER_01: And judging by the messages, a lot of you were like, it's not just me.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: So I got my brain confused.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: We're going to talk about what we're choosing more of this year because we talked about what we were letting go last year.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Sorry for the confusion.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not going to restart this episode.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to roll with it, you know?
4:20
SPEAKER_01: Live is live.
4:22
SPEAKER_01: So again, we last week we did talk about what we're letting go of.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: And this year I want to talk about what we're choosing more of.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: What, if we're letting go of toxic stuff, stuff that's we didn't need to carry, that we forgot we were carrying, that isn't necessary anymore.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: We have place to bring in the good, to bring in the light.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: And I did get messages, and a lot of people were like, oh, so it's not just me.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: And that right there tells me something important.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: We're not broken, we're not behind, we're just tired of carrying things that no longer fit our lives.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: We're actually living.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: So today I want to talk about the flip side.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: We're going to flip this over and the flip side of letting go.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: Because once you put something down, we're left with space.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: Now, just because we have space doesn't mean we have to fill it.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: But if we're going to fill it, what do we fill that space with?
5:23
SPEAKER_01: This episode is about what I'm choosing more of this year.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Not resolutions, not reinvention, not becoming a completely different person by February.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be a different person.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: In a few weeks, I will be 65 years old.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: I've worked hard to curate this person.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: She's messed up, she's fixed, she's loved, she's got great friends.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: I have a husband who really tries.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: He is who he is, and I know who he is, and I don't want to start with something new.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: It's the devil I know.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've worked hard to be this person, so I don't want to be somebody different.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: But I want to continue to grow as I age.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: I cannot stand, and I will tell Craig when he has old man mentality.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: I cannot stand old people mentality.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, the world's just going to hell.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: You know, the young kids don't know what they're doing.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: The young kids this, the that, the this.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Hey, first of all, we created this world along with our parents and their parents and their parents.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: We've all made this mess.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: We all have contributed.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Young kids are young.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: They're trying things out, they're doing new things.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: God bless them, and I want them to.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: I don't want them to be like me.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: I want them to be a better version of themselves.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: So I don't want to get old.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: And in order to not get old, you have to keep changing.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to change everything, but you have to stay fresh.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: So starting with my life right now, I always like to start with my own life.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Because if I can be honest here, then we then we are all benefiting.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Because if I'm making stuff up, it's not going to help any of us.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm recording this at home for one last time, and then everything's going to be on the road.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to talk a little bit about travel at this stage in my life.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: It's a whole different experience than it used to be.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't travel to impress anymore.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: I travel to enjoy.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to arrive exhausted, just so I can say I powered through.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: No, my my road trip is broken up.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: People are like, oh, you're driving to the West Coast?
8:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, people have opinions, trust me.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: And as usual, most people's opinions, I just like go in one ear and out the other.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Um the ones that catch, I let catch and I and I sit with, but most of the time it goes in, I've made my decision.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: Even Craig thinks I should fly.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: And I honestly think that's because he's upset that he's not going to have a car for six weeks.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: Not that he's worried about my safety by any means.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: So I've I've broken the drive up into five five days.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: Could you do it in two days, two 12-hour days?
8:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you could.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing it.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: Springfield, Missouri is my first stop on to Amarillo, from Amarillo to Albuquerque, Albuquerque to um Flagstaff, and then into Vegas, because that is my first stop.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: Vegas.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: And we'll talk about that next week.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: So I don't need to power through.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: I don't need to go, oh, I did it in two days.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: I want to arrive well.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And that mindset, whether I realize it or not, has spilled into everything else.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: This year I'm choosing more ease.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: Ease doesn't mean lazy, obviously, because I've added a third podcast to my media empire.
9:27
SPEAKER_01: And Marcy Bacchus Media has now grown to three podcasts, and I love it.
9:34
SPEAKER_01: Ease means thoughtful.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: The only things that are going to be in my life from this age forward are things that I want to be there.
9:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm taking on another responsibility at the cathedral.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: And I'm excited about it.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I chose it.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: I spoke with Dean Lisa yesterday, and she's excited, and we're going to do some great things.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: If you don't know, or if you do know, Craig's job is here in Chicago, he is the project manager for the cathedral renovation at St.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: James.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: We are also parishioners at St.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: James.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And I have been, for the last two years, the stewardship chair.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: And I can say this out loud now because Dean Lisa confirmed it yesterday.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: I ran the most successful stewardship campaign that has been run in the 150-year history of St.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: James.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not patting myself.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, I am patting myself on the back.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: But I didn't do it alone.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: I had a lot of great people behind me stepping with me.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: I am a good organizer.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: I am good at putting systems into place.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: And I have done that so that people coming after me can also run successful campaigns.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: It also took the parishioners of St.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: James opening their ears and hearing what our message was.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: And they heard it loud and clear and they stepped up to the plate.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: I am pleased.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: I am happy.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: And for that, I'm looking for a co-chair for next year so that I can turn it over.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Because I don't believe in the church lady who runs everything.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: I believe that you do something, you do it well, you do it for a couple years, and then you make room for someone else to have success.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: If you stay there all the time, you're a hog.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: So that's what I'm doing.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: And I'm stepping into the Friends of the Cathedral chapter, starting a Friends of the Cathedral place where we can earn money for other things.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: So that's what's happening.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: So I am choosing intentionally what's going into my life.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm not just an amoeba moving through life having things shoved at me.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: So I'm definitely not going to be lazy.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be thoughtful.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: It means I don't cram my days filled just to be productive.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: It means I leave earlier so I don't have to rush.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: It means I play with my energy in mind, not just my calendar.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: There's something really freeing about admitting that I don't need life to be hard in order for it to be meaningful.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: And listen, this didn't come naturally.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: I had to unlearn a lot.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I have unlearned so much.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: But a lot of times we unlearn things and we never learn something new.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: I am choosing to learn this new type of life.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Choosing more peace.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about peace for a minute.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Now, choosing more peace for me is Craig is who he is.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: And Craig, those of you that know Craig know that not only is Craig German, so he's extremely stubborn, he is very unique.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: And I say that with a lot of love.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: Craig is very unique.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: And this year I'm gonna try my very best to stop fighting that uniqueness and accept it.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Even if it just feels so wrong to me, it's right for him.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: He is who he is.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: I believe he does care about me, although sometimes I wonder, but all of you continue to tell me he does.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: But that is a place where if I choose to stop bucking the system, I'm gonna find more peace.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Is that you?
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Peace used to feel like something you could only have after everything else was done.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: After work, after obligations, after everyone else was taken care of.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: Now, peace is something I'm going to protect.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: Peace looks like not engaging in conversations that go nowhere.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Peace looks like not responding immediately just because I can.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Peace looks like walking away from situations that used to suck the air out of the room.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you have to drink it.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Right?
14:46
SPEAKER_01: Let's lighten the mood a little bit more here.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: Let me repeat that.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: Some people love drama like others love coffee, and it doesn't mean you have to drink it.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: This year I'm choosing peace, even if it means being misunderstood, disappointing someone, and not explaining myself.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Remember, no is a complete sentence.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: Because peace isn't loud and it's definitely not flashy.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: But once you have it, you'll fight to keep it.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: I had to have a little break there.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: Craig came home from running, telling me about one of those three-wheeled motorcycles, and in the backseat was a nine-foot Yeti this morning.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: That's something to see in Chicago at early morning while you're out running.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: Made me kind of laugh, brought me some joy.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: So speaking of joy, joy has changed for me over the years.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: It used to be about big moments, big plans, big celebrations.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: Now it is so much quieter and honestly so much better.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: I don't expect joy.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: I find joy.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Joy is a good cup of coffee in the morning, a really comfortable hotel bed, a text from someone who knows you without explanation, and a day that just doesn't feel rushed.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: This year I'm choosing joy that fits into my real life, not joy that requires planning, coordination, or recovery time.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: And let me say this clearly, because someone needs to hear it.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: If something that's supposed to be fun leaves you exhausted, annoyed, or resentful, it is allowed to not be your thing anymore.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: And it is possible that something that brought you a lot of joy before, or you thought it was joy, and now after listening to this, you're realizing it isn't.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Let it go.
16:40
SPEAKER_01: Joy doesn't have to be loud to be valid.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: Let me say that again.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Joy does not have to be loud to be valid.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Joy can sneak in and be very, very quiet.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: All right.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: This one's a big one.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: This part is a big one of this whole business we're talking about.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: This one's a big one.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: Choose yourself sounds great in theory, but in practice, it can feel uncomfortable, especially for women.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: We're so used to being the glue, the reliable one, the one who says yes.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: This year I'm choosing myself without guilt.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Say that again.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Without guilt.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're listening to this and you happen to be very young and you have young kids, this is a G name for sissies.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: My guess is you're not, but if you are, you can choose yourself too, without guilt.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: You can choose your health, choose your energy, and choose rest before burnout.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And I do wish I knew this when I was younger.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: Choosing rest before burnout.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: And no, that doesn't mean I don't care about others.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: It means I finally care about myself too.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: You cannot pour from an empty cup.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: Let me say that again.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: You cannot pour from an empty cup.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: And at this age, I'm done duct taping the cracks and calling it fine.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: So a little super glue, a little duct tape.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: It feels like that's what I've done to my cup over the years, and I don't want to do it anymore.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Choosing myself isn't selfish, it's sustainable.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: My cup is especially last year, I realized how empty it was, and I accepted more help than I've probably ever accepted in my life.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Accepting help is not easy for me.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Laying on my couch while my son cooked in the kitchen and made meals for me that were healthy, that could be frozen to make sure when he left that during my cancer fight I would eat well.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: But I did it.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: But I did it.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: These things don't necessarily are easy, but you can do them.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: I've done the hard things, I can start to let go of the easy things.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Here's something I didn't expect at this stage of life.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: I finally know what enough feels like.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: Enough stuff.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Enough plans, enough noise, enough proving.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: Enough doesn't mean settling, it means contentment.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: I honestly, honestly think I'm there.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: The last part of that for me was clothes.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know why I keep buying them.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: I don't wear them.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: I go to the gym every day.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: I wear gym clothes.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: 90% of my life.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: 90%.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: I have a closet that says I still work.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I need to figure that piece out.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: I think I have enough.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Do you?
20:49
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm content.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: And content is wildly underrated.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: So for me this year, I'm choosing enough rest, enough connection, enough purpose, and enough joy.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: Not more for the sake of more, just enough to feel grounded.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: So if you're listening to this and you're feeling like you don't want a big year, you want a good year.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: You're not alone.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: A year with space, a year with peace, a year where you don't abandon yourself to meet expectations that no longer matter.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: Letting go created room.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: Choosing wisely fills it.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here with me.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: I know it's a little bit of an emotional episode.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: I try not to have those.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: I like to be a little bit more sassy.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: But today I thank you for listening.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: And remember, aging ain't for sissies, but it does teach us what really matters.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: And go out and do something positive.