Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Why You Feel Stuck: Overcoming the Beliefs That Hold You Back

Transcript

Why You Feel Stuck: Overcoming the Beliefs That Hold You Back · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:09
  Your travels have brought you to the Surfing Your Edge podcast, where we explore what it
• 0:14
  takes to create the bigger, bolder, badass life you know you were born for.
• 0:19
  Not a life that simply looks good on paper, and not another spin on the self-help hamster
• 0:25
  wheel.
• 0:25
  If you're ready for more joy, more peace, and more contribution, you're in the right
• 0:31
  place.
• 0:32
  I'm Kristine Goad, the Surfing Your Edge coach.
• 0:35
  Let's get surfing.
• 0:37
  Welcome to episode three of the Surfing Your Edge podcast.
• 0:42
  I am so glad you're here today.
• 0:43
  We are going to talk not only about what Surfing Your Edge is and why it's important, but also
• 0:49
  about all of the ways we get in our own way and keep ourselves from really leaning into
• 0:57
  the life we feel like we were born for, right?
• 1:00
  There's something out there.
• 1:02
  I'm pretty sure you feel it.
• 1:04
  There's something more out there for you.
• 1:06
  And yet, you're having a hard time giving yourself permission to believe that it's there
• 1:14
  for you, to believe that you deserve it, to go for it, to believe that it's possible.
• 1:21
  So we're going to talk about that today.
• 1:24
  And if you're feeling that, if you're feeling like there's something more, but you don't
• 1:29
  feel like you have permission to go for it, by the end of this episode, I hope you will
• 1:34
  feel like you have the permission to go for it.
• 1:37
  And we'll know that you're not alone.
• 1:39
  This happens to all of us.
• 1:42
  And it's not the kind of thing that you solve once and it goes away, and you're good to
• 1:47
  go and you're out there surfing forever.
• 1:49
  It's a skill, right?
• 1:51
  It's something we all have to remind ourselves of and practice.
• 1:55
  So first of all, we're talking about Surfing Your Edge.
• 1:58
  What is that?
• 1:59
  In my mind, it is being out on the edge of your comfort zone and doing new things regularly,
• 2:07
  which means not only will you grow, but you will also fail.
• 2:13
  And a lot of times we're not comfortable failing, especially if you're a woman, you've been
• 2:18
  told that you're not allowed to fail.
• 2:22
  You're supposed to get it right.
• 2:23
  And, you know, research has shown that girls won't raise their hand to speak in class unless
• 2:30
  they're pretty certain they have the answer, whereas boys will raise their hands and say
• 2:35
  whatever comes to their minds, right?
• 2:37
  So we have a long history of wanting to not fail in public.
• 2:44
  So fear of failure in public is one of those things that might keep you stuck.
• 2:49
  You might also be stuck feeling like, I'm not ready, right?
• 2:54
  There's this thing I've wanted to do for a while.
• 2:57
  I've kind of looked into it.
• 2:59
  I've played around the edges of it, but I don't feel like I'm ready yet.
• 3:03
  But maybe one day I will be, right?
• 3:06
  So I'm not ready yet.
• 3:08
  Then there's also the little voice that says, Oh, don't even go there.
• 3:13
  You should have done that.
• 3:14
  If that's what you want to do, you should have started it 20 years ago, 10 years ago.
• 3:18
  You know, it's way too late for you, honey.
• 3:24
  We hear that a lot, right?
• 3:26
  And there's this dancer online, I can't remember her name, but she had a professional dance
• 3:32
  career until her mid-20s and then she gave it up and she moved from New York to LA.
• 3:38
  And then in her 50s, she decided, Hey, I'm going back to New York and I'm picking that
• 3:43
  back up, right?
• 3:44
  And she could have easily given into all of the voices saying, Oh, it's too late for you.
• 3:49
  But instead she picked up, she took her time figuring out how to get back from LA to New
• 3:54
  York, but she's back in New York dancing on Broadway at 57.
• 4:03
  And so we all get told we're too old, it's too late.
• 4:08
  And you can be caught in the place where you're feeling like it's both too late and you're
• 4:15
  not ready, right?
• 4:16
  You can be caught right there in both places.
• 4:20
  And you can spend a long, long time there.
• 4:23
  And maybe at the end of this, I'll tell you a little bit about my story of how long I
• 4:27
  stayed there.
• 4:28
  But let me just tell you, I was there for at least 10 years, getting ready to get ready
• 4:33
  to use a Suzanne Evans quote.
• 4:39
  The other thing is, Oh, this is a new one.
• 4:43
  This is a new-ish one.
• 4:45
  I would say, I'll do it when the world gets back to normal, right?
• 4:53
  I'll do the thing I want to do when I can kind of rely on everything else to be settled.
• 5:00
  So that when I do this thing that unsettles me, at least I can count on everything else
• 5:04
  to look the way I expect.
• 5:07
  But I think for the last six years, at least, the world has been showing us that things
• 5:15
  change rapidly, and they're out of our control, largely, you know, big things can change quickly
• 5:22
  and they can be out of our control.
• 5:24
  And we can't wait for them to get back to normal because I think this is the new normal.
• 5:31
  I think that the constant shifting and the constant re-imagining, and that's actually
• 5:38
  the exciting part.
• 5:39
  When you surf your edge, you're part of the re-imagining, right?
• 5:43
  You're part of figuring out what the world could look like.
• 5:48
  It's your response to, Oh, not for you, honey, right?
• 5:52
  It's like, well, why not for me, right?
• 5:54
  The world doesn't, and it's your, you get to, you get to respond to what's going on
• 6:05
  around you in whatever way works for you.
• 6:08
  And waiting is not the right, probably not the right response.
• 6:15
  The wise person who helped encourage me to get this podcast off the ground, reminded
• 6:21
  me that you never feel ready and that if you do feel ready, you've waited too long.
• 6:29
  So we can't wait for the world to go back to normal.
• 6:33
  The world is in a state of flux and it's going to be fluxing probably for the rest of our
• 6:39
  lifetimes.
• 6:40
  So we just have to dig in and be our unapologetically, you know, human self and move forward.
• 6:52
  There are a couple more things I want to remember to tell you before I move on from this episode.
• 6:59
  But one of the things that I feel like stops a lot of people is this internalized, again,
• 7:06
  coming back to, you know, you shouldn't speak unless you know what you're, what you're speaking
• 7:15
  about.
• 7:15
  Right.
• 7:16
  We have an internalized picture of how we're supposed to show up in the world and a picture
• 7:23
  of how things are done.
• 7:27
  And we've got lots and lots and lots of people out in the world who want to reinforce that.
• 7:35
  Right.
• 7:36
  Tell you what box you belong in and tell you this is how things are done.
• 7:42
  This is the way things have always been done.
• 7:44
  Who are you to question it?
• 7:46
  Right.
• 7:48
  And a lot of times when you hear it out in the world, you can push back.
• 7:54
  But what you may not realize is that you've already internalized a lot of that.
• 7:58
  And so you have to actually question where does my belief that this is the way the world
• 8:05
  works comes from?
• 8:07
  Right. Like that starving artist thing.
• 8:10
  Right. Everybody tells young artists and writers that, oh, you better have something to fall
• 8:15
  back on. Right.
• 8:16
  Because you'll never make it as an artist or as an actor or as a musician.
• 8:23
  Right. And it's like, well, who says?
• 8:28
  But you can start to internalize that and think that that's good advice.
• 8:32
  Right. That that makes sense that you do need to have something to fall back on.
• 8:36
  And as somebody who's done that in the past, you can I know what it feels like to shrink.
• 8:42
  Right. To to give up something that you really love because you don't think you're good
• 8:47
  enough or because the world is telling you that, oh, you can't make a living that way.
• 8:57
  So that was one of the things I wanted to remember to tell you.
• 9:00
  Another thing I wanted to remind you is that a lot of times we wait until we feel like we
• 9:06
  have the full plan.
• 9:10
  And again, if you're waiting until you feel ready, you're waiting too long and.
• 9:18
  The most it's going to this will be talking about this a lot in the in future episodes,
• 9:25
  but the best way to manage is to only look at the first step.
• 9:32
  Right. Step or two.
• 9:34
  You you're if you try to wait until you figure out exactly where you're going and how
• 9:42
  you're going to get there, you will be stuck for years and years and years.
• 9:45
  But if you take the smallest step you can possibly imagine and then stop and look around
• 9:52
  and see what's changed and then look at your next step, you can get into action.
• 9:58
  And actually, the only thing that got me moving after about 10 years of constant rehearsal
• 10:05
  for the life that I wanted.
• 10:09
  The only thing that got me into motion was the I heard the phrase a path is made by
• 10:19
  walking and.
• 10:24
  It made so much sense, right, you don't see the path and then walk it, because if you
• 10:29
  see the path and then try to walk it, you're walking somebody else's path.
• 10:34
  Right. So the only way to walk your own path is to take a step and then take another step.
• 10:40
  You don't necessarily know where it's going to end up, but that's part of the fun.
• 10:46
  Right. And that's part of you experimenting and you really learning about who you are
• 10:55
  and what you're here to do.
• 10:57
  So don't wait until you have a full plan.
• 11:03
  And the last thing I want to talk about is overwhelm.
• 11:10
  This one took me years to figure out, but when you feel overwhelmed and you feel like
• 11:17
  you're all spinny and you've just got too much, you're thinking about too many things,
• 11:23
  you can't even figure out where that first step would come from.
• 11:29
  That's actually a form of hiding.
• 11:32
  Overwhelm is a way of keeping yourself stuck and safe, and it seems again to be, what is
• 11:47
  the word? It feels like it's justifiable, right?
• 11:53
  I can't possibly move because I'm overwhelmed.
• 11:58
  There's just too much.
• 11:59
  I've got to get some clarity.
• 12:00
  I've got to put things in boxes and columns and lists and figure things out, and then I
• 12:08
  can move. And what I realized after years of this constant overwhelm is that it's a
• 12:14
  choice. Overwhelm is a choice and it keeps you safe.
• 12:19
  It's a way to slow yourself down.
• 12:23
  So when you feel that overwhelm, again, I'm going to encourage you to come back to what
• 12:28
  is one little step I can take.
• 12:31
  It doesn't have to be the right step.
• 12:32
  It doesn't have to be the step that's going to get you to it just needs to be a step,
• 12:38
  right? A step today, a step tomorrow, one step at a time, we build our path.