Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #606 Holiday Hot Seat - Chelsea Pottenger

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#606 Holiday Hot Seat - Chelsea Pottenger · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: On answers Now Gooday.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 3: dot com dot a you, dad to six, daughter's husband
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  Speaker 3: to one wife, and the parenting expert and.
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  Speaker 1: Co host on chann Lyin's Parental Guidance.
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  Speaker 3: Also the host of this podcast, that Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for listening and allowing me into
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  Speaker 3: your life to hopefully be useful in making your family happier.
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  Speaker 3: Right now, school holidays in Queensland, which means that I'm
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  Speaker 3: doing my best to spend as much time in the
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  Speaker 3: sunshine with Kylie and.
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  Speaker 1: The girls as I can.
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  Speaker 3: Today's guest is somebody who runs a business called EQ
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  Speaker 3: Minds EQ meaning Emotional Intelligence EQ Minds.
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  Speaker 1: Her name is Chelsea Pottinger.
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  Speaker 3: Chelsea is going to be joining me for the Happy
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  Speaker 3: Family's Hot Mess Summit along with Amanda Keller and Ian Kerner,
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  Speaker 3: the author of She Comes First and So Tell Me
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  Speaker 3: about the last time you had sex. Doctor Shafali Sabari,
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  Speaker 3: Oprah's parenting expert Amy Taylor, the author of Mumma Rising,
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  Speaker 3: the one who helps to empower Mums and Jessica Rowe.
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  Speaker 3: There are so many people at world class lineup and
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  Speaker 3: an incredible summit.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really really hoping that.
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  Speaker 3: You're join us for the Happy Family's Summit that's coming up.
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  Speaker 3: All the details for that are at Happy families dot
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  Speaker 3: com dot you. But today we're having a conversation about
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  Speaker 3: emotional intelligence. Well, actually no, that's what we're talking about
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  Speaker 3: with Chelsea Pottinger during the hot Mess Summit today, a
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  Speaker 3: lightning round with the one and only Chelsea Pottinger.
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  Speaker 1: Chelsea, are you ready for this?
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  Speaker 4: We are ready.
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  Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Now.
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  Speaker 3: Some of these questions, I'm just going to give you
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  Speaker 3: a quick heads up before we dive into it. Some
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  Speaker 3: of these questions are designed to make you squirm. I
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  Speaker 3: don't know if I will or not, but we'll see
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  Speaker 3: how we go.
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  Speaker 4: Let's do it.
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  Speaker 1: Tell us how many kids you have and how old
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  Speaker 1: they are?
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  Speaker 4: One seven? Clara?
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  Speaker 3: OK, well, that makes my next question really easy for
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  Speaker 3: you to answer, because do you have a favorite child?
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  Speaker 1: Is question number two. It's supposed to be a hard one.
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  Speaker 4: I know, Yeah, She's amazing.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, fair enough, Clara has to be the favorite? Who
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  Speaker 3: do you love the most? Your husband Jay or Clara Clara. Wow,
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  Speaker 3: let's make sure he doesn't hear this one.
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  Speaker 4: What's your name? He would say exactly the same.
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  Speaker 1: You guys are so sweet.
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  Speaker 3: And now I know that because of your postnatal depression
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  Speaker 3: and the hospitalization that occurred and the extraordinary trauma that
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  Speaker 3: you experienced through that this might be a bit of
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  Speaker 3: a sensitive question.
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  Speaker 1: Nevertheless, I love to ask it and find out from you.
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  Speaker 3: What's your ideal number of kids?
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  Speaker 2: One you know you're going through post natal it has
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  Speaker 2: been definitely one since then, pre that three, but after
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  Speaker 2: having Clara and knowing that I'm vulnerable to that, and
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  Speaker 2: also we tried to have more children naturally, but it
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  Speaker 2: just didn't happen for us. So I think the universe
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  Speaker 2: delivers what you're meant to have on this story, so
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  Speaker 2: we are.
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  Speaker 4: I'm blessed to just have her.
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  Speaker 3: And one it is how do you rate yourself as
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  Speaker 3: a parent?
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  Speaker 4: Nine out of ten?
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  Speaker 1: Wow?
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  Speaker 3: Wow, that is confident answer. You feel like you've really
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  Speaker 3: nailed it, You dialed it in.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like there's always room for improvement, and I
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  Speaker 2: also feel like I've got the most incredible relationship with
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  Speaker 2: our daughter. And also, yeah, I just feel like I'm
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  Speaker 2: really dialting to her, so I'm pretty happy.
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  Speaker 3: I love hearing parents who actually back themselves and feel
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  Speaker 3: good about their parenting because so many people are struggling,
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  Speaker 3: and I think it's inspiring. It gives us all something
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  Speaker 3: to work towards, to hope that we can actually one
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  Speaker 3: day say, yeah, I reckon, I'm about a nine. I'm
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  Speaker 3: doing well. Here's my next one in the lightning round.
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  Speaker 3: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried
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  Speaker 3: to continue in your parenting.
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  Speaker 4: Two things.
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  Speaker 2: One, always be grateful for what you have, Otherwise how
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  Speaker 2: could you be grateful for anything more? And that has
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  Speaker 2: stuck with me time and time again. So it really
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  Speaker 2: helps us dial in inwards and don't worry about what
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  Speaker 2: we have outwards. And I found that really helpful to
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  Speaker 2: teach our daughter Clara. And Two sprinkling your mobile phone.
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  Speaker 2: So every when I got my first phone at eighteen,
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  Speaker 2: they knock at your fifty two ten, My mom said
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  Speaker 2: to me, darling moving forward, every September, sprinkling your phone
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  Speaker 2: of anyone that's toxic or bitchy, remove them out of
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  Speaker 2: your number, just delete them. And I'm like, wow, Mum,
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  Speaker 2: that's really like ruthless but it has been vital for
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  Speaker 2: my well being and because what happens is then you
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  Speaker 2: get these incredible human beings around you and your energy.
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  Speaker 2: You know, this emotional contagion thing is very real, and
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  Speaker 2: so the people in my life are just outstanding. So
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  Speaker 2: that has been a really beautiful tip that my mum
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  Speaker 2: gave me from a very very young age.
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  Speaker 4: And yeah, so i'd say those two.
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  Speaker 1: Things, Chelsea, who's the better parent? You're Jay Jay? Wow?
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  Speaker 1: So what he's ten out of ten? What's the hardest
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  Speaker 1: thing about being a parent?
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  Speaker 2: Hardest thing being about parent is probably patience? And I
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  Speaker 2: think it's this constant reminder how to be patient and
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  Speaker 2: it's not on your schedule anymore and you have to
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  Speaker 2: be a lot more selfless.
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  Speaker 3: If you could spend an hour with your precious Clara
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  Speaker 3: at any age, even though she's seven, Now, what age
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  Speaker 3: would you choose?
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  Speaker 4: And why seven?
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  Speaker 2: Because I know I probably say this with two term's eight,
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  Speaker 2: I'll probably say eight. Like every phase has been a phenomenal,
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  Speaker 2: but this age, she just loves the ground I walk on.
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  Speaker 2: But she's also like my best mate. So we go
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  Speaker 2: and we do horse riding together, or we go for
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  Speaker 2: a surf together. She comes away and retreats with me,
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  Speaker 2: and it's like I'm hanging out with my best friend.
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  Speaker 2: And she's dependent enough, right, so she doesn't rely on
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  Speaker 2: me so much physically. She's also psychologically in a good headspace.
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  Speaker 2: So I just I think this is the dream the
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  Speaker 2: dream age at the moment.
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  Speaker 3: To be honest, what's the this dovetails? But what's the
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  Speaker 3: ultimate joy for you as a parent?
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  Speaker 2: Ultimate joy for me is just laughter? Jay Clara and
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  Speaker 2: I laugh a lot all the time, and her laugh
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  Speaker 2: is contagious for me, So that would be That would be.
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  Speaker 3: That it's one of my favorite places in the world,
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  Speaker 3: right in the middle of a big belly laugh. Okay,
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  Speaker 3: this is the most controversial and difficult question that you're
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  Speaker 3: going to get in this lightning round. What's the right
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  Speaker 3: age for kids to have a mobile phone.
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  Speaker 4: Starting high school? I would say that would be a
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  Speaker 4: big thing in terms of also social connection as well
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  Speaker 4: with their peers. But for me, I mean, we live
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  Speaker 4: in a small country town and I just don't see
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  Speaker 4: the necessity until then.
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  Speaker 3: What's that thing that your parents always said that you
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  Speaker 3: swore you would never ever say that it keeps popping
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  Speaker 3: out of your mouth.
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  Speaker 2: I would say, it's the if you're not eating all
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  Speaker 2: your food, do you know they're starving people overseas something
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  Speaker 2: like that.
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  Speaker 4: I'm just like.
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  Speaker 2: Post them the food then in the envelope, and I'm like,
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  Speaker 2: that's all I used to say.
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  Speaker 1: I used to say that as well.
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  Speaker 3: What's Clara's favorite thing to do with you?
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  Speaker 4: Horse riding?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: What are you most looking forward to as a parent?
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  Speaker 2: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most seeing
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  Speaker 2: where her journey leads her. I feel like they were
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  Speaker 2: so unique as individuals, and you know, just seeing how
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  Speaker 2: this journey unfolds for her is so magical.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not steering her in any particular way.
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  Speaker 2: I'm just getting her to try lots of different things
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  Speaker 2: and then also giving her as much grounding as I
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  Speaker 2: can for her values.
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  Speaker 4: And then i just got to let her be a
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  Speaker 4: free bird.
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  Speaker 2: And that's a hard thing as a parent, but I
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  Speaker 2: know that that's really important, particularly in teenage years when
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  Speaker 2: they're trying to fly from the nest and just you know,
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  Speaker 2: being confident that I've given her the values as best
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  Speaker 2: as I can and for her to make those good
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  Speaker 2: decisions that she moves forward.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: The artist Banksy once said the one thing that parents
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  Speaker 3: struggle with the most is letting their children be themselves.
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  Speaker 3: Second last question, Chelsea, if you could go back to
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  Speaker 3: you as a young mum having one of those really
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  Speaker 3: tough moments, being completely inexperienced, what advice would you give yourself.
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  Speaker 2: You will get through this, and you're just not there yet.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that powerful word yet has been come
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  Speaker 2: up a few times in my life. One when I
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  Speaker 2: didn't make a basketball team, and it was like completely
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  Speaker 2: transformational when my coach said, you're just not good enough yet. However,
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  Speaker 2: if you do these few things, you'll get there. And
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  Speaker 2: I found that as well. When I was in the
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  Speaker 2: psychiatric hospital. My psychiatrist said to me, you know, tell
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  Speaker 2: me about a time that was hard for you and
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  Speaker 2: that you had to face the perseverance and motivation and grit,
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  Speaker 2: And my mind went back to that basketball experience and
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  Speaker 2: I shared that with her and she said to me,
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  Speaker 2: if you can get through that, you can get through this.
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  Speaker 2: You're just not there yet. However, if we get you
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  Speaker 2: on the right medication, we get your right tools in psychology,
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  Speaker 2: we get this stuff meditating, you look after your gut health,
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  Speaker 2: you will you will recover. And so I think that
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  Speaker 2: is so so powerful in terms of yeah, that question,
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  Speaker 2: the power of yet is just phenomenal.
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  Speaker 1: Love that word.
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  Speaker 3: Last question, Let's celebrate your biggest win as a mum.
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  Speaker 2: The biggest win as a mum would be when Clara's
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  Speaker 2: actually said those words back to me, Mummy, I just
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  Speaker 2: can't surf yet. However, if you pay for my surfing lessons,
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  Speaker 2: i'll be.
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  Speaker 4: I'll be a champion by summer. Yeah, I love it,
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  Speaker 4: your negotiator.
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  Speaker 3: You know what I love about that, though, is every
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  Speaker 3: time I ask this question of anyone in the lightning
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  Speaker 3: round the stuff that they talk about the big wins
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  Speaker 3: as such tiny little things we get.
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  Speaker 1: We get so much.
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  Speaker 3: Mileage out of the small stuff.
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  Speaker 1: It's It's beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: Chelsea Pottinger, acclaimed keynote speaker, author and somebody who has
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  Speaker 3: survived some of the hardest things that people can.
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  Speaker 1: It's been a delight. Thanks so much for joining me
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  Speaker 1: on The Happy Family Podcast.
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  Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Justin for having me.
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  Speaker 3: The Happy Family Podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
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  Speaker 3: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: you want more info about making your family happier, check
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  Speaker 3: out Chelsea's book the mindful high Performer. That's Chelsea Pottinger,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: the Mindful High Performer. Or you can always visit Happy
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Family dot com dot I you for MOREHM