Latest / Where We Rise / 28 | "The Relationship is the Goal" | Homeschooling

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28 | "The Relationship is the Goal" | Homeschooling · Where We Rise

0:00
Khalila McCoy: Hey, I'm Kalila McCoy, and this is the podcast that turns everyday moments into meaningful lessons.
0:07
Khalila McCoy: This is Where We Rise.
0:12
Khalila McCoy: Hi, friend, welcome to Where We Rise.
0:15
Khalila McCoy: Whether this is your first episode or you've been here from the very beginning, I want to welcome you and thank you for being here.
0:22
Khalila McCoy: Sharing this space with you is truly one of the highlights of my day.
0:26
Khalila McCoy: Right now, we are in our back to school series where we explore how others learn, both literally and figuratively, and how they see the world so we can learn a little bit more ourselves.
0:36
Khalila McCoy: Now, when I was in elementary school, I was homeschooled and I absolutely loved it.
0:41
Khalila McCoy: My dad was my teacher and we spend the first few hours of the day on lessons, and then the rest of the day was ours.
0:48
Khalila McCoy: Some days we were at church where he worked as a youth minister.
0:51
Khalila McCoy: Other days we were at Girl Scouts, the YMCA, the arcade at the mall, out to lunch, or just talking to all the different types of people we would meet throughout our day.
1:00
Khalila McCoy: When my mom had work trips, I would travel with her and my grandma, and there would be no interruptions to my learning.
1:06
Khalila McCoy: Homeschooling gave me an incredible connection with my father, lasting memories with my mom and grandma, built my confidence and helped me believe and see that I could really learn anything.
1:17
Khalila McCoy: Now that I'm a mom, I often wonder, should I be giving Miles that same experience?
1:22
Khalila McCoy: Now I know people on both sides of the homeschooling conversation, and DJ and I are always thinking about what is best for our family and what's best for Miles, his personality, his needs, his curiosity, and his rhythm.
1:35
Khalila McCoy: So when I saw Christina Garrett post on Facebook about being a businesswoman, a pastor's wife, and a homeschooling mother of five, I knew I had to talk to her.
1:44
Khalila McCoy: I wanted to know why she chose homeschooling, how that choice shaped her family, and what she's learned along the way.
1:52
Khalila McCoy: You are about to hear a wonderful conversation that answers all those questions, but also gives us so much more.
1:59
Khalila McCoy: Christina shares wisdom about motherhood, identity, balance, vision, and growth that every one of us can learn from, whether we homeschool, send our kids to public school, or in a completely different season or walk in life.
2:11
Khalila McCoy: So let's get into it.
2:15
Khalila McCoy: Hi, Christina.
2:16
Khalila McCoy: Welcome to the show.
2:17
SPEAKER_02: Hello, so glad to be here.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for having me.
2:20
Khalila McCoy: Yeah, it's a pleasure to have you here.
2:23
Khalila McCoy: I was just, you know, we're talking before I hit record, and I've been watching your content on Facebook, and I really love your message and your demeanor.
2:30
Khalila McCoy: So I've really been looking forward to our conversation today.
2:33
Khalila McCoy: And I know we'll end up talking about a few different things about you and what you do.
2:38
Khalila McCoy: So just start us off.
2:39
Khalila McCoy: Tell us who you are and some of the things you're involved with.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: Well, first it's such an honor to be here.
2:46
SPEAKER_02: Hello, everyone.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: I'm Christina Garrett.
2:49
SPEAKER_02: I am a productivity coach for women leaders who want to change the world.
2:54
SPEAKER_02: They have very big visions, but sometimes very little time as well.
3:00
SPEAKER_02: And so I help them to integrate or bring together a healthy rest strategy, one that keeps their goals at the forefront of their mind, as well as being present for their families too.
3:14
SPEAKER_02: Like I think, you know, in today's society, we often have two very polar, you know, polarizing standpoints on how to create a healthier work-life balance.
3:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think most importantly, balance is something that we can feel.
3:28
SPEAKER_02: So for me, productivity is the anchoring of my work, helping us to use our hours in ways that that really serve us well.
3:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, in addition to coaching, uh, I am a homeschooling mom of five really amazing children, ages eight to eighteen.
3:44
SPEAKER_02: We just graduated our first.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
3:47
Khalila McCoy: Congratulations.
3:48
Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
3:49
SPEAKER_02: He's from Tuskegee this fall.
3:51
SPEAKER_02: Um, and sometimes I say I have six children because uh he brought me the girlfriend.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: If anybody sees me on the internet, they're gonna see this extra six young person.
4:02
SPEAKER_02: And that's because he brought me the girl who does who didn't have a rooted family to love her.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: And so now she's in mine and she's my child.
4:10
SPEAKER_02: And so that's awesome.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and so that's been an interesting whirlwind ride in terms of coming of age and family relationships and all of those things.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: So a pastor's wife, homeschooling mom, and I really love the work I do with the Momoton movement as well.
4:25
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
4:26
Khalila McCoy: Okay, so let's start with your Momoton movement and your is that part of your productivity coaching?
4:32
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it is.
4:34
Khalila McCoy: Now, how did you start that?
4:36
SPEAKER_02: So if there's a time now where we're really talking a lot about motherhood and self-care and you know, time off and finding margin in your life.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: But when I was a young mom, there was none of the above.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: And so I can't remember being, you know, having my oldest son.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: He was probably 18 months, maybe two.
4:59
SPEAKER_02: We were excited about having another baby.
5:01
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, we wanted to grow our family.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: Oh, find out I'm pregnant.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: We go to the doctor for that first visit, and they do the ultrasound, you know, on the first visit.
5:11
SPEAKER_02: And I remember laying there and saying, ma'am, can you see eyes on the baby so soon?
5:17
SPEAKER_02: Like it was two bubbles on the screen looking at us.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: And she said, Oh no, honey, those are twins.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: And I said, Wait a minute.
5:27
SPEAKER_02: So we go from a cool mom of one.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: You could be cool, you know, cool parents with one kid.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: We were 25 with a minivan and three toddlers.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: We went old people at the facility.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: Not the minivan.
5:44
SPEAKER_02: No one seemed to care about my upset, you know, how how frustrated I was at this concept.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: However, I survived that season.
5:51
SPEAKER_02: I have a suburban now, but at the time, the minivan was where I was living with all of those car seats.
5:57
SPEAKER_02: And so um learning how to find your identity again as a mom, as a wife, as a caregiver, maybe someone out there as a partner, or you are a problem solver in many areas of your life.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: And so when you have all these roles that pull at you in different ways, you have to figure out who you are.
6:16
SPEAKER_02: And so I went through that period of feeling like I went to college, I have a degree, I'm not doing anything with it because I'm a stay-at-home mom and child care is expensive with three babies.
6:27
SPEAKER_02: You know, I just was looking to find my way.
6:30
SPEAKER_02: And so Momathon really came from me wanting to let other moms know or other women know that if you don't have people who can be community for you or who understand where you are in your life, that you can come here and sit with us.
6:45
SPEAKER_02: You know, I started with a single event, you know, something small, like, you know, tiny meeting room at the Hilton Garden Inn, and the chicken was dry and the cookies weren't great.
6:59
SPEAKER_02: There was no pomp and circumstance.
7:01
SPEAKER_02: But there was something really amazing that happened where people were just there yearning for connection.
7:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so that was the start of it.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: It really wasn't, I didn't come into it thinking about coaching.
7:12
SPEAKER_02: Coaching really wasn't a thing, you know.
7:15
SPEAKER_02: 10, 12, well, goodness, my twins are 16 now.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: It's like 15 years ago, you know, 14, 15 years ago, the idea of the mom movements, you know, of self-care and talking about maternal health and all of these layers really wasn't a buzzword.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: Even therapy and self-care weren't buzzwords at the time.
7:32
SPEAKER_02: I just knew this was something that I needed.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: Like you can love your life and then not like it every day.
7:38
SPEAKER_02: Like sometimes parenting small humans is really challenging and it puts a strain on you and who you are and your family.
7:46
SPEAKER_02: And so I just wanted to normalize that that it's okay for us to find our way and to know you're still gonna get to your destination, even if it feels hard right now.
7:56
Khalila McCoy: Right.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: And so that's turned into a lot of layers over the years.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, coaching and consulting.
8:02
SPEAKER_02: I do um productivity, leadership, communication trainings for different organizations.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, the Momadon Conference, the one that started small, now serves hundreds of women every year.
8:13
SPEAKER_02: Um we just finished year 10.
8:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I just committed to keep it on going.
8:19
SPEAKER_02: Where do you hold your conference?
8:21
SPEAKER_02: Usually it's in Atlanta.
8:23
SPEAKER_02: We've done a couple different places, but now because the work has spread, my community has spread, we have lots of ladies who fly in from other places.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: So Atlanta.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: Congratulations.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: Atlanta seems to be the happy medium place um for everybody to get to.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: I mean, who doesn't want to go to Atlanta, right?
8:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, listen, y'all don't have to go through any traffic.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: Just get on the the shuttle from the airport, five minutes, you're there.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: And everybody, it seems like a really happy medium.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: So lots of skills and things have come from planning that experience and gathering people, but I feel like the heart of it has remained the same that um you can love your life, but you have to build the soft life that you've been looking for.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't just happen, you know, your family does just magically become who you've always needed for them to become.
9:14
SPEAKER_02: Instead, it is a process.
9:15
Khalila McCoy: So yeah, very neat.
9:18
unknown: Yeah.
9:19
Khalila McCoy: And then you said you're also a pastor's wife, right?
9:22
Khalila McCoy: So I'm sure that gives you a lot of responsibilities.
9:25
Khalila McCoy: Is he like a head pastor of a church?
9:28
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
9:28
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
9:29
SPEAKER_02: Did you ace?
9:31
SPEAKER_02: No, he did not.
9:32
SPEAKER_02: So our church is 150 years old.
9:35
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes, our church is 150 years old.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: I remember telling a cousin of mine, you know, that they're different, different church cultures, you know.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: So if you started the church, you can, you know, share what your philosophy is for ministry, and everybody that comes into it is co-signing with that philosophy of ministry versus this church has been around for a century before you even got there.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, we have World War II veterans, you know, that signed on Hiroshima that were going to our church and live to 105.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, to see that history that's there as well.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, it doesn't put too much too much extra on my plate.
10:13
SPEAKER_02: Thankfully, my husband is very well balanced, and I'm not a co-pastor.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: I am just I'm dating the pastor and I support him in ministry and whatever that means, I try to try to fill the gaps.
10:24
Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
10:26
Khalila McCoy: And then five children.
10:28
Khalila McCoy: So I know you said you had the twins.
10:30
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
10:31
Khalila McCoy: So that puts you up to three, and then the last two is was that the goal?
10:34
Khalila McCoy: Like, did you want a big family or just things kind of happened as they happen?
10:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they kind of happen as they happen.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Um we definitely planned the oldest.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: I joke sometimes and say half of the twins were expected, you know, right?
10:49
SPEAKER_02: You go for one baby.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: Wait a minute to put the price of one.
10:52
SPEAKER_02: How did this happen?
10:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so, you know, whichever one is talking back the least that day, I'm like, oh, you were the planned one.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: You as you can hear.
11:01
SPEAKER_02: Right.
11:02
SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, and then we have an 11-year-old and an eight-year-old as well.
11:05
SPEAKER_02: So our house is always loud, you know, there's always something happening, someone's acting, you know, just jumping over something.
11:14
SPEAKER_02: But it is the best life, you know, I wouldn't have it any other way.
11:17
Khalila McCoy: Good.
11:17
Khalila McCoy: I'm glad to hear that.
11:19
Khalila McCoy: Now, I was excited to talk to you about homeschooling.
11:22
Khalila McCoy: I am a school teacher myself.
11:24
Khalila McCoy: So, you know, being in the public school system, and they I've talked to parents who have asked me my opinion on homeschooling and things like that.
11:32
Khalila McCoy: And um, I was also homeschooled myself as a kid, and I had a really good experience with it.
11:37
Khalila McCoy: I know there are people who have horrible experiences and people who have just misconceived ideas of what you know, that old school like homeschool kid who is weird and awkward and doesn't know anything other than you know, one subject or something, and they think you only read the Bible.
11:55
Khalila McCoy: I don't know.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: You're locked up in your basement.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yeah.
12:00
SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much.
12:01
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
12:03
Khalila McCoy: So I know like I when I was homeschooled, it was still not, you know, a thing to do.
12:08
Khalila McCoy: And I feel like it's being a little bit more popular now and more accepting and things like that.
12:13
Khalila McCoy: But I just wanted to know your idea, especially as a mom of five, what made you decide to do homeschooling and how it's affected your family?
12:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, I always like to give the disclaimer that I never had plans to home educate my children.
12:30
SPEAKER_02: I like to let the cat out in the bag because people seem to feel like if you have a large family or all the things you're like the melanated Mary Poppins.
12:40
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: I was I was counting down to them going to school.
12:47
SPEAKER_02: Pre-K, Head Start, kindergarten.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: You all just have to go somewhere and learn somewhere else so I can have my quiet space back again.
12:58
SPEAKER_02: I was counting down.
12:59
SPEAKER_02: Right now, so I always like to give that disclaimer, like so that people don't have a estimate that they need to be a certain type of person or have some added layer of capacity already instilled in them to make this decision for your family.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: Um, I can remember being out with my husband and three children and feeling like I I couldn't breathe.
13:21
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm I'm it wasn't a full-on panic attack, but it was the feeling of I'll never be alone again.
13:28
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
13:29
Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I will only have one kid and I feel that way.
13:33
SPEAKER_02: I will have small children, they will never age, they will always be, you know, five, six, seven, calling me for everything.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: This will always be my season of life.
13:43
SPEAKER_02: And we forget that we look around and we see other people.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: Our seasons aren't the same from five years ago.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: So the same was gonna happen with our families at the same time.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I can remember really counting down, like really wanting for my kids to be school ready.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: And in the midst of all that, God started dealing with me, right?
14:02
SPEAKER_02: About uh, it wasn't like a light from above or anything that said, thou shalt hold school.
14:09
SPEAKER_02: It was more of it was more of my kids are doing all the things that that kids do, but it was so over the top, and I just didn't have the patience for it.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: I was like, y'all have to go somewhere and to learn.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: I can't teach you.
14:22
SPEAKER_02: And I can remember reading an article called Blueberries and Rats.
14:28
SPEAKER_02: I know y'all can look it up.
14:30
SPEAKER_02: It's it's a blog, it's somewhere still floating around the internet, I'm sure.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: And one day I need to message the blogger and tell her that her message changed my life, you know?
14:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm sure she'd love that.
14:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she was talking about how one day she was washing fresh blueberries in the sink, you know, and her child comes in and dunks his entire face in the sink, getting water, you know, all the dirt, filled sweat and everything from being outside is now uh falling all over the blueberries as she just, yes, and so she flips out and she's like, Oh my goodness, you all don't care about anything.
15:03
SPEAKER_02: She starts yelling and just, you know, a very uh passionate, emotional moment that she probably, if she had been catching herself, she would have been able to pull back on.
15:13
SPEAKER_02: But she has some anger issues, and she compared those moments to having rats in your cellar.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: How when you open the pantry that's dark and shaded, or the basement door, or the cellar door, if you open it slowly, the rats have space to hide.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: If you open it quickly, that's when you catch there is something in your pantry that shouldn't be there.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: So she talks about these hyper, these very emotional outbursts, not the ones that the children have, the ones that you as a parent have, where you are dealing with your anger, your frustration, your desire for things to be a certain way, and these people living in your house are making it so that it can't be this way.
15:57
SPEAKER_02: And you know, she's when you go to church or you drop them off at school, you can put your mask on.
16:02
SPEAKER_02: But at home is where we know there is no mask.
16:05
SPEAKER_02: We're opening the cellar door quickly and we see what's really in there.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: You have anger issues in your life.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: I like that.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: You don't have self-control.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my goodness, she didn't say it like this, but I I when I read it, I just felt like, oh, she's talking about me.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: And so I went on a mission to course-correct some of these areas in my life that made me feel like I can't have my children with me because I can't handle it.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: Right.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: That's me, that's a me thing.
16:36
SPEAKER_02: That's not even the kids.
16:37
SPEAKER_02: Like she it was almost a if they're having these behavioral issues, maybe they don't need less time with you.
16:44
SPEAKER_02: Maybe they need more time to work through the challenges and all the things.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, now my oldest son is 18, he's six feet, he has an eight-pack and a girlfriend and a goatee.
16:55
SPEAKER_02: This is well, you know, these are teachers that have transitioned, right?
16:59
SPEAKER_02: But I feel like when we first started out, the the desire to homeschool for me personally wasn't there.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to send them to school.
17:07
SPEAKER_02: But I remember realizing in order for me to be who I was supposed to be, I also need to bring them closer.
17:14
SPEAKER_02: We need to have more conversations and more slow moments.
17:17
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, now the teens come in at 11 and say, can we talk?
17:20
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, sure.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: You know, you're so tired, but you're just so glad that they want to talk to you in the first place.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
17:26
SPEAKER_02: But that's what those foundational moments was building, you know, was this idea of sure, the education is the byproduct.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: The relationship should always be the goal.
17:36
SPEAKER_02: And if we are, you know, not submitted to being the person that we're supposed to be in these areas of our lives, that's what damages the relationships.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: It's not keeping the kid with you, all those other things.
17:47
SPEAKER_02: It is the over-the-top, you know, expressions of things that are painting us in a light that we don't like.
17:55
SPEAKER_02: So it's easier sometimes to send the kid away than it is to keep them closed.
17:59
SPEAKER_02: Either way, we have work to do on ourselves as parents.
18:03
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
18:04
Khalila McCoy: How long do you feel like it took you to kind of do that work to get to the point where you realize that it was pulling them closer and spending more time with them?
18:15
SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
18:17
SPEAKER_02: I feel like I'm still doing it.
18:19
SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
18:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:21
SPEAKER_02: I had a teen come in today and I was like, sir, there are cuss words imminent.
18:29
SPEAKER_02: Listen, I'm not the one of the two.
18:32
SPEAKER_02: And I put it down in there, you know, no words were said.
18:35
SPEAKER_02: But I was like, bro, like we can go here.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: So I think there's, you know, but that didn't, that doesn't build the relationship.
18:42
SPEAKER_02: So we had a talk.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: We all, you know, whatever issues are happening with the siblings, let's work this thing out, let's move forward.
18:49
SPEAKER_02: All of the things, all of the cliches you're supposed to say when you're when you're working through things.
18:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think we're all ongoing work.
18:57
SPEAKER_02: Like maybe as soon as you figure it out, you walk into a new season of life and you have teenagers and they are they are teening, as we call it, but they are having emotional responses to hormones and changes and stress and all these things.
19:12
SPEAKER_02: And you're innately like, what stress?
19:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's your your first response.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: And the second one has to be, okay, well, here's how we work through this challenge, and I'm here to help you.
19:23
SPEAKER_02: So it's all of that and so many, so much more.
19:26
Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
19:27
Khalila McCoy: You have a wide range of emotions and thoughts and things to deal with.
19:33
Khalila McCoy: How do you balance, you know, obviously, like the 18-year-old is going through things that the eight-year-old is not, and you might not want them to hear certain things, but it's all happening in the house, and you guys are always, I'm assuming, kind of together.
19:46
Khalila McCoy: How do you balance that then?
19:49
SPEAKER_02: I think that it's possible.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: This is so funny.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: I think my old my younger children have just like gotten tapped into things at an earlier age than my older kids did.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: So maybe my oldest son was like 12 when we were really having the the conversation, you know, and because the twins were in the room and they're 10, they're like, oh, well, how are babies made?
20:12
SPEAKER_02: And so now we go, and so now we have the conversation.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: So you remember that documentary we watched?
20:18
SPEAKER_02: And then we got, you know, we're kind of laying it out.
20:20
SPEAKER_02: And so now for my 11-year-old son, when he was nine, he said, Well, Mama, I've been hearing people talking about how babies are made.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: Are you gonna show me or not?
20:28
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Well, all right, let's go.
20:30
SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna like pull out a documentary and talk about menstrual cycles teach them early, right?
20:38
SPEAKER_02: He got it so much earlier than you know, than they did.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I see how their brains are so much more developed because they pick up all the crumbs that the teenagers drop down.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Um that's been very interesting as well.
20:50
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
20:51
Khalila McCoy: Did you start homeschooling right away with the oldest in kindergarten, or how long was it until you started homeschooling?
20:58
SPEAKER_02: Yes, he started in kindergarten.
20:59
SPEAKER_02: He's always been home with us.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: Um, my husband, even when he was pastoring a smaller rural church, um, he was in school full-time, an hour away from our home.
21:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, our church was an hour away from the our home.
21:13
SPEAKER_02: He was also, you know, operating a business.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: And so if we weren't going with him to the places where he was going, ministry conferences and all of that, my kids really wouldn't have seen a lot of their dad.
21:24
SPEAKER_02: And so that was one of the big catalysts for us deciding to homeschool in the first place was we just wanted more flexibility and family time, you know, to be able to say, we want to do this on this day, and we don't have to, you know, check in with anybody to go to the museum, which is which is wild.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: But that's what I started to see happening.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: Um, we would have family members come in town when he was in pre K and they would want me to, you know, why is he missing class?
21:52
SPEAKER_02: Well, he already knows all the letters and the numbers, you know.
21:55
SPEAKER_02: That's what you all are learning.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: And his grandmother is here, and he only sees her once or twice a year.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: So he's not going to be at school today.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: And I was never much of a fan of people telling me what I could do with my own children.
22:09
SPEAKER_02: So we decided to pull them out.
22:12
Khalila McCoy: Might be good for everybody, right?
22:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:15
SPEAKER_02: And so listen, some people is they're not responsible and that's okay.
22:19
SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, you're going to learn something.
22:20
SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
22:21
SPEAKER_02: We're going to go here and here, or we're going on a road trip, all those things.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: Last thing I wanted was to be declared truant, you know, and you know, you kidnapped the child or your negligent parent because we went to New Orleans for a ministry conference.
22:35
SPEAKER_02: It's just, you know.
22:36
SPEAKER_02: So that was one of our biggest causes was more family time and more flexibility to travel and to be together.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: Um, and now I'm grateful that the kids have a well-rounded homeschool education, but it's about three days a week.
22:49
Khalila McCoy: Okay.
22:50
Khalila McCoy: Neat.
22:51
Khalila McCoy: So how do you get it all in?
22:52
Khalila McCoy: Did you, are you using a curriculum?
22:54
Khalila McCoy: Did you kind of create stuff?
22:57
SPEAKER_02: So homeschooling has come a long way since, you know, I'm not going to say its inception, but since it really took off, you know, let's say 10 plus years ago, we started to see more families after the pandemic.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: I think the number of black homeschooling families went from, I think, 3 or 4% to like 16% in counting.
23:17
SPEAKER_02: You know, that was probably a year or two ago.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: So now they're starting to pay attention to where are these kids going?
23:23
SPEAKER_02: They're leaving and not coming back.
23:25
SPEAKER_02: What does this do to our numbers and our funding and all of those kinds?
23:28
SPEAKER_02: These are legislative conversations that are being had.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, for us in here in Alabama, in Montgomery, where I live, there are a couple great programs.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, one that's just for teenagers.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: So they teach the subjects that the parent doesn't want to teach.
23:42
SPEAKER_02: Music, the scientists, all of the math.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: Like I go just for the math.
23:48
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to teach you math.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: It was harder on us, you know, trying to do it, looking at each other.
23:54
SPEAKER_02: My oldest son, we were doing algebra.
23:56
SPEAKER_02: He would say, Mom, is this right?
23:58
SPEAKER_02: I would say, come back later.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: I'll let you know.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: Come back later.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: I'll let you know after I'm done with.
24:05
SPEAKER_02: We don't have time for this.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: So at a certain point, with the at the pace they were picking up, I was slowing them down.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: Um I said, you need to go to somebody who this is their job description.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: And so we enrolled them um in that program and we're also part of a homeschooling co-op as well that meets every single week and uh they do literature and science experiments and PE time and all of those wonderful things too.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: So very well-rounded.
24:29
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
24:29
Khalila McCoy: And you said that's only three days a week?
24:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, three days a week.
24:33
SPEAKER_02: So one we have the once-a-week co-op, and then the other program that my older kids are a part of is on Mondays and Wednesdays.
24:41
Khalila McCoy: And are they doing it all year long?
24:43
Khalila McCoy: Is it the same school year that kids who are in public school would go through?
24:46
Khalila McCoy: How do you guys do that?
24:49
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's the same cycle as a typical year.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: So it's usually August to May.
24:54
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
24:55
Khalila McCoy: Nice.
24:56
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
24:56
Khalila McCoy: And what type of fun things do you guys do on their days off?
25:00
SPEAKER_02: So on the days off, I am working.
25:04
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: On the days off, I'm working.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: So I am, in addition to the homeschooling, my coaching schedule is growing, right?
25:13
SPEAKER_02: So I have the calendar open two days a week to meet with my clients.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: So on those days, they can do homework assignments.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: They can stare at the wall, whatever it is that they like to do.
25:25
SPEAKER_02: Whatever it is they like to do.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: My older teenagers, they especially always have some work to do.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: Um so I kind of have been working on them more about time management.
25:34
SPEAKER_02: Like this is their piece of learning time management.
25:37
SPEAKER_02: They're part of the National Beta Club.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: Um, so they do volunteer work and things like that and church.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: And so the those days where I'm working, I'm like, listen, you all know what you need to do.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: Don't wait until the day before to get it done.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: You know, but this is the day that mom is grounded to meet with my clients and things like that.
25:54
SPEAKER_02: And most of the time, that's an all-day thing because I have a, you know, probably about 25 to 27 clients that I'm meeting with now.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so the business is actively blossoming as well as the homeschooling week.
26:08
Khalila McCoy: Okay.
26:08
Khalila McCoy: That's pretty cool.
26:09
Khalila McCoy: It gives them a chance to learn some of those, like those processing skills and using their time wisely and stuff like that, along with everything else that they're learning in life.
26:19
Khalila McCoy: So I like that a lot.
26:22
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
26:22
Khalila McCoy: Was there anything that's kind of been surprising to you through this journey that you weren't expecting to either go well or not go well at the beginning?
26:32
SPEAKER_02: I think I I knew that the teen years move quickly because I saw my friends working their way through it.
26:41
SPEAKER_02: Um but I feel like the picture I have of my children when they went to the winter formal dance last, you know, February, them then and now was like night and day.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: So I think it creeps up on us sometimes where you look at your kid, it's like, oh, look how small they were a year ago or two years ago.
27:03
SPEAKER_02: But it's it's July at the time of this recording, right?
27:08
SPEAKER_02: And that means the year of 2026 is already half over.
27:12
SPEAKER_02: Right.
27:12
SPEAKER_02: And my son says, Wow, the year goes by so quickly, I say every year goes by just this fast.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: And I often, you know, emphasize to my clients and to people I come across with, like, what if every year does go by this fast?
27:28
SPEAKER_02: Like, what experience do you want to have with your children, with the work you do, with who you are as a woman?
27:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you want to experience during that time that makes you feel like I have no regrets?
27:40
SPEAKER_02: And so, usually, for example, the Mom and Thon conferences every fall, usually around September, October time.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: But this year I said, I really want to enjoy the summer with my kid.
27:53
SPEAKER_02: It's his last year living at home.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: I left home at 17, friend, and never came back.
27:58
SPEAKER_02: When I came back, I had a husband.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, I came home married.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: And and so what if that's my vantage point?
28:07
SPEAKER_02: You know, what if I'm looking from this point backward and I'm like, how who was I during my son's senior year?
28:14
SPEAKER_02: I really want to feel like I was this type of mom.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: Right.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: And so we get to, you know, integrate these different moving pieces.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: I think that was a thing that felt surprising for me.
28:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, but that was a lot of inner work that I had to do to really enjoy this season.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: I had to look for the joy.
28:32
Khalila McCoy: Do you feel like you've gotten a lot of support along the way, especially?
28:36
Khalila McCoy: And I know you talk a lot about the teen years, but I'm sure even with the younger kids, right?
28:40
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
28:40
Khalila McCoy: Trying to help them and get them focused and learning.
28:43
Khalila McCoy: And your cohort, is that also a support kind of group for you?
28:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, do you mean the homeschooling cohort?
28:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah.
28:52
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
28:53
SPEAKER_02: So it sounds weird.
28:56
SPEAKER_02: I I'm so much a homebody.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: So I look for ways to take my kids out of the house and for us to go places and do things.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: Um, I I appreciate that it is a valuable community for us where my kids can go and see people that they enjoy seeing on, you know, a repetitive basis.
29:14
SPEAKER_02: Emotional support, I don't know, but I'm glad to have my I know if nothing else goes right all week, if they're MIA, if I'm MIA and you know, I'm also caring for my mother and a litany of other things.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: So if nothing goes right all week, I know y'all have co-op.
29:31
Khalila McCoy: Right.
29:32
SPEAKER_02: I know you have co-op.
29:34
Khalila McCoy: It's like a constant thing that's there for you.
29:37
SPEAKER_02: Co-op cometh.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: And the sense is coming.
29:39
SPEAKER_02: I know they're gonna talk to you about literature.
29:41
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna do world geography, you're gonna do an art project, a STEM project, you're gonna go outside and play.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: If there's no other day, if everything else is in the trash can all week long, we at least have our co-op day that is gonna make sure that you all get engaged and do the things you need to do.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: Um, an interesting thought that I had, um, and this may be helpful for you too, as you think through all the things.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: Um, it was a research article that I read that talked about how most of the things you need to learn for college you can learn in two to three years.
30:13
SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: Most of what you need to know to take, you know, take tests and excel in college, you can learn in two to three years.
30:23
SPEAKER_02: And I said, Really?
30:25
SPEAKER_02: What if this is true?
30:26
SPEAKER_02: You know, like this is amazing.
30:28
SPEAKER_02: And so my kids really started to take like certain math things and all this stuff super serious when they were eighth grade, ninth grade.
30:36
SPEAKER_02: And my son, he's going to ski university debt-free.
30:40
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, guys.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, fellowships, um, and all the good things.
30:46
SPEAKER_02: But I realized, I said, you know what?
30:48
SPEAKER_02: I want to be able to enjoy you all through this young season of your life.
30:51
SPEAKER_02: And then when it's time to kick in, let's kick in.
30:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, but let's focus on the the subjects that are really that you really need to be proficient in.
30:59
SPEAKER_02: So are you reading well?
31:00
SPEAKER_02: Are you writing well?
31:01
SPEAKER_02: Can you do math?
31:02
SPEAKER_02: Okay, great.
31:03
SPEAKER_02: Now we can go to the aquarium or to the zoo or to all these other places to learn about to make sure everything is well rounded.
31:10
Khalila McCoy: Right.
31:11
Khalila McCoy: Yeah, you get more of that experience in the real world too, and you can see how it all interconnects.
31:16
unknown: Yes.
31:17
Khalila McCoy: I really enjoyed it.
31:18
Khalila McCoy: So when I was homeschooled, we um we used a curriculum and their curriculum boasted that if you used it from K to eighth grade, you would be ready for college.
31:28
Khalila McCoy: So it made me think of, you know, like what you were just saying, that you know, like you said, if you hone in and focus on those core subjects, you will be ready and you will be able to be successful in that.
31:40
Khalila McCoy: And then also when I was homeschooled, so I my my dad actually homeschooled me.
31:44
Khalila McCoy: So it was really cool to have that connection.
31:46
Khalila McCoy: So, like what you're talking about, right?
31:48
Khalila McCoy: That one-on-one with my dad, that time together on Fridays, we'd always get done early.
31:52
Khalila McCoy: And our thing was we went to the arcade at the mall.
31:55
Khalila McCoy: And we always just like playing out tickets and stuff like that.
31:59
Khalila McCoy: And I think about a lot of what you said, right?
32:01
Khalila McCoy: With our my son and you know, listeners who have kids, you know, in whatever age, you always know like there's time that you're missing out with them.
32:09
Khalila McCoy: Even myself as a school teacher, I know that I spend more time with those kids than I do with my son, and more time with those kids than their parents get to be with them.
32:18
Khalila McCoy: So definitely that idea of that connection and being that, you know, you are that most important person in your kids' life, but you don't have that time always.
32:28
Khalila McCoy: So I think for me, he's five right now.
32:32
Khalila McCoy: And for me, it was really like because I kind of felt like you, I like that you shared at the beginning because he is he's a lot sometimes, a lot of energy.
32:42
Khalila McCoy: And I was just like, oh, okay, well, it'll be nice when you're at school.
32:46
Khalila McCoy: We could just have some down.
32:48
Khalila McCoy: That's a very big emotion.
32:50
Khalila McCoy: It is, it really is.
32:52
Khalila McCoy: Like last summer he went he went to daycare because I was like, okay, I need some days just for me.
32:57
Khalila McCoy: But this summer he's not, and it it's it's so different.
33:00
Khalila McCoy: And like you said, I do have to kind of manage myself and my emotions and realize like when he's just being a five-year-old boy and I am just you know being a stressed-out adult.
33:11
Khalila McCoy: So I think I like that idea of thinking about that connection, even with that homeschool choice.
33:17
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: And and I want to illuminate also that there may be a feeling of trying to achieve perfection, even though we know that it's not possible.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: So it doesn't mean that, okay, I cracked the code when they were seven, and we've never had this problem again.
33:36
SPEAKER_02: Oh no, like we've had to continuously work on communicating well, delegating family responsibilities.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: Everybody has to step in and help.
33:45
SPEAKER_02: Here's what your roles are.
33:47
SPEAKER_02: Like all of these layers we've had to continue to do so that there is space for me to work and, or there is space for us to, you know, uh make sure that the uh this child gets, you know, the speech therapy or the whatever the things there that they need specifically, and everything still keeps running, even when mom is on Zoom.
34:06
SPEAKER_02: You know, so I should be able to say, hey, what's for dinner?
34:10
SPEAKER_02: Right.
34:10
SPEAKER_02: And there are more teenagers walking around my house.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: Somebody come up with something.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: Somebody's making a zoom call in the call of my office.
34:19
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I think that that's where we get to, you know, there is no perfect route, but I think, you know, I teach something called the pillars of productivity.
34:27
SPEAKER_02: It is the idea of like really holding on to the vision you have for your family and then building alongside that how to create whatever your big idea is in the world at the same time.
34:38
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I I always want to illuminate for everybody, like there is no perf perfection.
34:44
SPEAKER_02: There is no I've achieved it or got made it to the finish line.
34:47
SPEAKER_02: There was only here's what the next step is for the family, and we're gonna commit to that.
34:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, we're gonna commit to it.
34:56
Khalila McCoy: Have your children ever pushed back on being homeschooled?
35:01
SPEAKER_02: There has been the occasional time where they say, Oh, we want to go to school.
35:05
SPEAKER_02: Mike, I'd love to send you to school too.
35:07
SPEAKER_02: So then we're so then when it's you know a cold January morning, I'm like, oh, look outside, guys.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: Y'all see them outside in their little coats, yeah.
35:16
SPEAKER_02: At the bus stop at 5 45.
35:19
SPEAKER_02: Don't you want to go out there and stand in the dark?
35:21
SPEAKER_02: And they're like, no, we do not.
35:22
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
35:23
SPEAKER_02: But this is gonna be short-lived, you know.
35:25
SPEAKER_02: So there were very few times where they felt like, oh, we really want to go to school.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: And then um they would have friends, you know, at church or wherever they went, and they would say, Oh, yeah, we're homeschooled.
35:36
SPEAKER_02: We want to be homeschooled.
35:38
SPEAKER_02: We wish that we could, you know, do our schoolwork at home, this, this, and this.
35:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, see?
35:43
SPEAKER_02: You know what's funny?
35:44
Khalila McCoy: I always found when I was because I was only homeschooled until fifth grade.
35:49
Khalila McCoy: But the kids who I talked to, they always thought it was the coolest thing.
35:52
Khalila McCoy: It was the adults that were like, this is weird.
35:55
Khalila McCoy: But like the kids are always like, can we do it too?
35:57
SPEAKER_02: We do this too.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Your parents have to go to work.
36:00
SPEAKER_02: And that's okay.
36:01
SPEAKER_02: Like, we do too.
36:03
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
36:04
SPEAKER_02: Like, and I have found, um, and this was a point that I was thinking about earlier when you were talking about your son and summer break, is like quality of time is not the same as quantity of time.
36:17
SPEAKER_02: Very true.
36:18
SPEAKER_02: So there's going to be people who hear this recording, moms who feel like I wish I could, but you know what I mean?
36:26
SPEAKER_02: I wish I could homeschool my kids, but I do have to, you know, be here.
36:30
SPEAKER_02: My work is at home.
36:31
SPEAKER_02: My husband works at home.
36:32
SPEAKER_02: So sometimes we're doing drop-off pickup for programs or things.
36:36
SPEAKER_02: He can support in some of those avenues, but we had to build that.
36:39
SPEAKER_02: There's somebody listening who feels like I don't have that, you know, that that added, you know, support or whatever those layers are.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: Quantity of hours and quality of hours are not the same.
36:51
SPEAKER_02: My kids are in the house right now, but we're not spending time together.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: Right.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: Right.
36:56
SPEAKER_02: So we're not having quality hours right now.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: They just happen to be at home.
36:59
SPEAKER_02: Right.
37:00
SPEAKER_02: So I want everyone to just reconsider like what does it mean to have quality time with my kids?
37:05
SPEAKER_02: It might be through homeschooling, but it might also be through a different means where we say, you know what?
37:10
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I used to put you in, you know, five different kids in five different sports, and I spent all of my time driving all over town.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: What if we decide, right, that there's only one activity per child per year, and y'all are not gonna run, you know, I want to be able to be the best mom for you and us also have some slow down time.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: So it could be us looking for places where we can slow down so that our quality of hours increase, not just the only way for me to be a good mom or present parent is to be homeschooling my kid.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: What if I'm just like, you know what, we need to spend more time together as a family.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: We're too busy to do that.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: Let me figure out how to increase that quality of time.
37:49
Khalila McCoy: Right.
37:50
Khalila McCoy: Can you share some things that you guys do in your quality time?
37:55
Khalila McCoy: I'm a big movie watcher.
37:57
SPEAKER_02: I loved turning the lights out, turning the soundbar on, and watching something that's probably gonna make them just a little scared, you know, like quiet place, just you know, yes, my eight-year-old.
38:11
Khalila McCoy: I'm just gonna say your little one is probably like, oh no.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's so fun.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: It's like, okay, you can handle this.
38:18
SPEAKER_02: Come on, you know, so any any dinosaur movie, any like alien something where someone's hands get bitten off, we're watching it.
38:25
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I tend to be that kind of parent.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, we do a lot of we do a lot of walking, especially if the teens need to talk about things.
38:34
SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of talking that happens in my house, and I'm like, I don't feel like talking about this, but here we are because this is the parent I want to be, is the one who has communication with you.
38:48
SPEAKER_02: Um but overall we spend a lot of family time together.
38:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's not all quality time, though.
38:54
SPEAKER_02: Like we're sitting down doing nothing else, you know, other than being together.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: So we but we have a lot of cohabitation going on where you know we're always someone's always coming in and out of every area, and then we have conversations, then we go back our separate ways, and then we do it again, and then go back our separate ways.
39:11
Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
39:13
Khalila McCoy: Is there anything that you hear when people talk about homeschool that you're like, eh, that's not necessarily true?
39:20
Khalila McCoy: Like it's kind of a myth.
39:21
Khalila McCoy: Or I know we talked about like the idea that the kids are weird or not getting socialized enough.
39:26
Khalila McCoy: Do you get any of that?
39:29
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
39:30
SPEAKER_02: However, I saw somebody post on Threads the other day about this.
39:35
SPEAKER_02: Um, and basically she was getting a lot of pushback about her decision to homeschool her son.
39:41
SPEAKER_02: And I told her, I said, when you first start out, people are gonna ask why are you doing it?
39:46
SPEAKER_02: They're gonna criticize why you did it.
39:48
SPEAKER_02: I said, but give it a couple years, they'll be asking you how.
39:52
SPEAKER_02: Give it a couple years, they're gonna be asking you how.
39:56
SPEAKER_02: Um, because my children are not afraid of public speaking.
40:02
SPEAKER_02: They are not afraid of getting the microphone and standing up in front of an auditorium full of people and communicating whatever the thing is that they, you know, so people just grab them, like, hey, can you narrate this?
40:13
SPEAKER_02: Can you do this?
40:13
SPEAKER_02: Can you speak on this?
40:14
SPEAKER_02: You know, they just grab them to go and do it because they've been forced to, they've had so many opportunities to be those type of children in in different, different regards.
40:24
SPEAKER_02: And so what I've seen in the socialization aspect is people assume because you're homeschooled, you're at home versus, you know, my parent is the one planning my educational path.
40:35
SPEAKER_02: Right.
40:36
SPEAKER_02: There's a difference, you know.
40:37
SPEAKER_02: So we, I'm not in traditional school.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: My parent is my primary educator.
40:42
SPEAKER_02: So because that's the case, we homeschool wherever we want to homeschool.
40:46
SPEAKER_02: So you talk to everybody, the senior citizens, the librarians, the checkout people at the and everybody says, Where do your children go to school?
40:54
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, they are homeschooled, and I teach them like two to three days a week.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: And they're like, What?
41:01
SPEAKER_02: Like, well, we do a lot of, we do a lot of talking at our house.
41:04
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
41:05
SPEAKER_02: A lot of communicating, a lot of talk about emotions and and maturity and how the brain works and all of these things.
41:13
SPEAKER_02: So when you go out into the world, there's there's a level of conversation.
41:18
SPEAKER_02: You have a life coach and a pastor and social worker as a parent, as parents, you know.
41:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: So you, you know, the gifts that you all have in you are so equally important as you're homeschooling your children because we feel like it's ABC's and one, two, threes.
41:33
SPEAKER_02: No, it's how to network in life.
41:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: It's how to be audacious enough.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, we went to Tuskegee for something.
41:40
SPEAKER_02: I said, son, that's the president of the university right there.
41:43
SPEAKER_02: Go introduce yourself right now.
41:45
SPEAKER_02: Go introduce yourself right now.
41:47
SPEAKER_02: That's the provost.
41:48
SPEAKER_02: Go introduce yourself right now.
41:49
SPEAKER_02: And he can walk up courageously, shake their hand, get their card, and come back.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: He said, Call call him if you need anything.
41:56
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna call him.
41:57
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna need something.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: I don't know what it is, right?
42:01
SPEAKER_02: But that I wish I could say, and I could say this so freely, I wish I could say the highest GPA and the highest SAT scores, what got my son a full ride to college.
42:11
SPEAKER_02: It was not, it was networking.
42:14
SPEAKER_02: Networking is what gets you the job, it's what gets you the internships, being able to socialize, communicate, um, share your message with the world, do so with courage.
42:24
SPEAKER_02: Like these are the things, the soft skills that so many people are missing now because we're plugged in and we're just, you know, all of those things.
42:32
SPEAKER_02: That's what gets you to the next level, not just as an adult on LinkedIn, this is as a high school student.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: Right.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: This is as a high school student.
42:40
SPEAKER_02: They're networking and making having those conversations for themselves.
42:43
SPEAKER_02: And I really do believe that's as a result, you know, of them being thrust into some of those moments and having those opportunities to go and have those conversations.
42:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, so they can say socializing, they can say, you know, all the things, but you know, you may not meet this person, that person at, you know, at school.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: But if you're outside of your pointing, yeah, toward the campus.
43:06
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, son, you need to go meet him, right?
43:08
SPEAKER_02: He can get you everything you've ever needed, you know.
43:11
SPEAKER_02: Right.
43:11
SPEAKER_02: But here's the dean of the College of Agriculture.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: Go meet her, you know, all of those, you know, very nuanced things.
43:17
SPEAKER_02: That's the key to everybody's next level.
43:19
SPEAKER_02: And if we're not mastering how to talk to others, then we're missing something.
43:23
SPEAKER_02: And so I think that that's really important.
43:26
Khalila McCoy: Do you feel like, cause you, like you said, your husband's a pastor and then you're a coach, so you're used to talking and kind of networking and things like that.
43:34
Khalila McCoy: So obviously the gifts that you have, you're sharing with your kids as well.
43:38
Khalila McCoy: So thinking of somebody who's considering homeschooling, but they're like, Oh, like I don't have that background, or I don't have, you know, I'm shy myself.
43:47
Khalila McCoy: I can't talk to people.
43:48
Khalila McCoy: How do you encourage them to still be brave enough to do what you're doing?
43:54
SPEAKER_02: So I think that I may have an area of expertise.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: Um Um, that is different than someone else's.
44:03
SPEAKER_02: Everybody has one.
44:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, true.
44:06
SPEAKER_02: Everybody has one.
44:08
SPEAKER_02: And so there's a place where sometimes we feel like if my gift isn't yours, my gift is less valuable.
44:14
SPEAKER_02: No, we need all of those.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, my specialty is I love working with moms.
44:20
SPEAKER_02: So I'm, you know, my favorite people are moms with big visions.
44:24
SPEAKER_02: Somebody else, you know, I have a client, she's a sleep coach, like a baby sleep coach.
44:29
SPEAKER_02: She helps moms get their babies sleeping well from the second they get home from the hospital.
44:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
44:35
SPEAKER_02: I wish I had that superpower.
44:37
SPEAKER_02: I don't have that yet.
44:39
SPEAKER_02: So I've my newest client has a new baby, and I said, I'm gonna buy you an hour with her so that being exhausted isn't as much right of a thing.
44:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, somebody else does homeschooling at a whole new level.
44:52
SPEAKER_02: There's a mom I know, you know, her kids do, you know, I'm talking about graduating at 13.
44:56
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: There's other people, you know, they have all of these nuanced gifts that that they use in the world, doesn't make mine more or less valuable.
45:06
SPEAKER_02: It's just different.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: Right.
45:08
SPEAKER_02: And so a parent, every parent has to ask, how can I use my gift?
45:13
SPEAKER_02: How can I use the work that I am doing in the world, whatever that thing is, you know, the passion I have, the purpose I have, what comes easy to you is going to be completely different than what comes easy to someone else.
45:25
SPEAKER_02: So let's combine our superpowers.
45:27
SPEAKER_02: I can teach soft skills all day: communication, resilience, leadership, wellness.
45:32
SPEAKER_02: Like these are intangible things you can't touch.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: I will never teach the co-op science class again.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: You will never get.
45:41
SPEAKER_02: And this is with a bachelor's degree in animal science.
45:44
SPEAKER_02: I have no desire to teach anatomy.
45:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so chemistry.
45:47
SPEAKER_02: Yes, anatomy, chemistry, any any one of those.
45:51
SPEAKER_02: No, thank you.
45:52
SPEAKER_02: But oh, entrepreneurship, essay writing, speech, sign me up.
45:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't even need to look at the curriculum to teach that.
45:59
SPEAKER_02: But each one of those classes are needed to make it successful.
46:03
SPEAKER_02: So I think personally, for everyone who has a different goal, like how can we intentionally plug ourselves into more learning opportunities, not just for the children, but for you as well.
46:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, is there a place where I should be growing or want to grow, then maybe I'm avoiding the growth?
46:18
SPEAKER_02: Maybe I need to lean in a little bit and that will inspire my children to also lean in and be okay with occasional discomfort, you know, that it's okay to stretch and grow.
46:29
Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I like that because you're pretty much saying that you are that model, right, for your child.
46:33
Khalila McCoy: So if you are gonna learn and grow, if you're expecting them to learn and grow, you have to do the same as well.
46:39
SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
46:41
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
46:42
SPEAKER_02: And I think everything that Momathon has done over the years has been as a result of me mommying my kids.
46:49
SPEAKER_02: Like I have five, but four of them are boys, and I have just one girl.
46:55
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
46:56
SPEAKER_02: And when she was about three, I think I was a pretty raggedy mother.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: I just felt like I'm probably not giving myself enough credit, but I just know.
47:07
SPEAKER_02: I know the feeling I had about motherhood.
47:09
SPEAKER_02: I felt, you know, frustrated, irritated, like I'm looking for things to be a certain kind of way and they're just not there, like just dissatisfied with my life.
47:17
SPEAKER_02: Um and I just remember saying, if I want her to have a different experience of what becoming a woman means, I'm gonna have to show that to her.
47:27
Khalila McCoy: Right.
47:27
SPEAKER_02: And I went on a mission of discovering who I was again so that I could build a life I love while being a mother and a wife and all of these other layers.
47:38
SPEAKER_02: Like we really are the example.
47:40
SPEAKER_02: And so we tell them sky's the limit, and then we just say no, thank you.
47:43
SPEAKER_02: So any, you know, any working our way up to the sky that we could be doing for ourselves, we want them to do it and be the prototype, but we actually are.
47:52
Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
47:54
Khalila McCoy: That was good.
47:55
Khalila McCoy: Thank you for sharing that.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:58
Khalila McCoy: Okay, talk to the mom who has decided, okay, I'm gonna go homeschool.
48:02
Khalila McCoy: This is for me, this is for my family.
48:04
Khalila McCoy: She has all the right reasons to do it.
48:06
Khalila McCoy: What would be maybe like your number one piece of advice that you would give to her?
48:12
SPEAKER_02: So there's something called deschooling.
48:14
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
48:15
SPEAKER_02: That is when you unlearn what the public school has made normal.
48:21
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
48:22
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
48:23
SPEAKER_02: That might look like, oh, we're gonna do a whole month of field trips.
48:28
SPEAKER_00: That sounds good.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: I think sometime uh this summer I'm gonna go buy another year pass to the zoo here, which is not gigantic, but they have the the wonderful tours and the train ride and the, you know, he here are the animals by geographic locations.
48:44
SPEAKER_02: So they have the maps out there and all the things.
48:46
SPEAKER_02: And so just for my younger kids, like they, my older children, they don't have the same level of availability, you know, but they got a different educational experience than my younger kids are getting because I wasn't a working mom then.
48:58
SPEAKER_02: So I want to give them that too.
49:00
SPEAKER_02: So get outside.
49:02
SPEAKER_02: Like my philosophy is, you know, clean your house and then leave it.
49:07
SPEAKER_02: You can't like that.
49:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, clean your house and leave.
49:11
SPEAKER_02: Like so, so that when you come home, it's like, oh, everything's tidied.
49:15
SPEAKER_02: Now we just need to do dinner.
49:16
SPEAKER_02: And you're not there all day trying to, you know, uh I guess hold sand in your hands, so to speak.
49:23
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I love the idea of de schooling, like just take some time and get to know your kids outside of the traditional setting, um, traditional setting and uh scheduling, you know, that a lot of us have been kind of thrust into.
49:38
SPEAKER_02: Like, what would it be like to know your children just as free players, you know, like people who love to be outside and you go join them outside.
49:47
SPEAKER_02: You know, what would it be like for us to take tours and staycation and you know, sleep in for a while?
49:53
SPEAKER_02: Just go to sleep, you know, like just recover from from being under that that rigorous, you know, schedule and then figure out like what do we want our homeschool journey to look like.
50:05
Khalila McCoy: Yeah, this is really good advice.
50:07
Khalila McCoy: I like that.
50:08
Khalila McCoy: And I might, I don't know, I'll be sharing our conversation with my husband.
50:12
Khalila McCoy: Because we are still very much on the fence of whether we're, you know, gonna dive into that world or not.
50:20
Khalila McCoy: But there's, you know, obviously as a school teacher, there's great teachers out there.
50:24
Khalila McCoy: I think there's a great opportunity in school systems as well.
50:28
Khalila McCoy: I think people sometimes think too, like, oh, it's if you're for homeschool, you hate public schools.
50:33
Khalila McCoy: If you're public school, you have to hate like there's obviously benefits to both.
50:37
Khalila McCoy: But absolutely for us, it's really like you talked about that family piece, being to be being able to be together, being with him, and that, you know, being those role models in his life.
50:49
Khalila McCoy: So it's exciting to hear you talk about that.
50:52
Khalila McCoy: And also, you have uh, like I said, a wide range of kids, so you've had a lot of experience, and now you're sending someone successfully off to college as well.
51:02
Khalila McCoy: So that's always nice to hear.
51:04
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: I think we need more stories of people who've graduated children.
51:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
51:09
SPEAKER_02: From every avenue.
51:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
51:11
SPEAKER_02: Because it is exhausting sometimes.
51:13
SPEAKER_02: You're listening to somebody and they're talking about, you know, what you're supposed to do as a parent, what you're not supposed to do, all the rules.
51:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, your child is is seven.
51:21
SPEAKER_02: Yes, right.
51:23
SPEAKER_02: Your kid is a lot.
51:25
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
51:26
SPEAKER_02: Maybe you are a veteran.
51:28
SPEAKER_02: You know, you've seen the you've seen the reels where they're like parents of newborns and then parents of toddlers, and they're laughing at the newborn parents, and then you work your way up.
51:37
SPEAKER_02: And the parents with adult children are like, ha, just wait.
51:41
SPEAKER_02: It's gonna happen to you, and you're just gonna be at home rocking in the closet and praying because that's all you got.
51:46
SPEAKER_02: You can't even say anything.
51:47
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I can oppose this moment.
51:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's right.
51:50
SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna close this moment, you know.
51:52
SPEAKER_02: So I'm inching into that phase of life, and all you can do is hope that the time you spend with your kids, what you poured into them, the life lessons, and you making yourself available is gonna carry them through their adult years.
52:06
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, but I think even in the early, like, are we gonna do this or are we not, you have to decide like the total vision for your family and not just the educational component is one part of that, but also who do you want to be?
52:19
SPEAKER_02: You know, like if you're still a teacher and you want to continue that, do you, you know, I know a host of edupreneurs.
52:26
SPEAKER_02: You know, I have clients who are starting schools, clients who have co-ops, clients who are, you know, uh college professors or mental health specialists, all these layers of things.
52:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, so you got to decide too, like what you and your husband want for yourselves so that, you know, so that the f the entire family is flourishing.
52:46
SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, happy children, children who are blessed and feel like, you know, oh, I feel so surrounded by love.
52:53
SPEAKER_02: It's not always the school that they go to.
52:55
SPEAKER_02: It's that I have parents who are who don't play about me.
52:58
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
52:59
SPEAKER_02: And I know my mama will come up to this school and we will light it up if I need to light it up.
53:04
SPEAKER_02: The babies need to know my mama does not play about me, you know, homeschooled or not.
53:10
SPEAKER_02: You know, we have meetings at the homeschool co-op.
53:12
SPEAKER_02: Me and my husband dressed in all black, honey.
53:14
SPEAKER_02: We went right up there with those, with the others.
53:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
53:17
SPEAKER_02: And we said, listen, is there a problem?
53:20
SPEAKER_02: Right.
53:21
SPEAKER_02: Is there a problem?
53:21
SPEAKER_02: Do you want to don't cry?
53:23
SPEAKER_02: Don't cry.
53:24
SPEAKER_02: Is there a problem?
53:24
SPEAKER_02: Tell your child to keep their hands to themselves because the Garrett's always finishing.
53:30
SPEAKER_02: You know, I had to let them know we got to go up and dress like the Black Panther Party.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: So there are times, you know, where you got to, but the my kids know my mom and dad don't play about me no matter where they go to school.
53:44
SPEAKER_02: I will like this join up.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: And I think that that's important for every child to have, you know, the ability to learn with dignity, the ability to feel like they are seen, heard, valued, and appreciated, whether you homeschool or not, whether your kids in public, private, charter, wherever micro schools, there's so many different options now.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: Google the options.
54:03
SPEAKER_02: What's in my city or in my state, you know, that we can move closer to this micro school that meets three days a week or four days a week.
54:10
SPEAKER_02: They have Fridays off, or it's a four-hour school, not an eight-hour school.
54:15
SPEAKER_02: There's so many new emerging, depending on the state, emerging ways to educate children in a way that serves them best.
54:22
SPEAKER_02: Our job as parents is to figure that out.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: We can't go bankrupt trying to discover it, you know.
54:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh, homeschool is the only way.
54:29
SPEAKER_02: No, they have I have a good friend.
54:30
SPEAKER_02: She has a micro school in Birmingham, and she has about 10 or 12 students in the middle school, early high school age, where she's, you know, orchestrating their learning and it's four days a week.
54:40
SPEAKER_02: So because there's so many ways to do it, now I just feel like amazing children who are productive in the world have parents who are not playing about their success.
54:51
SPEAKER_02: If we can say that I'm willing to be that parent, which most of us are, then we get to choose after that the best path that works for them.
54:59
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
55:00
Khalila McCoy: Oh my goodness, that was really great advice.
55:02
Khalila McCoy: I loved everything that you said.
55:04
Khalila McCoy: Um, if you have any more advice for us, I always ask our guests what is the one thing that you want us to take away to help us rise now that we've heard your story, either it could be to a homeschooling parent, it could just be parents in general.
55:19
Khalila McCoy: Anybody you want to speak to, what would be the takeaway for us today?
55:25
SPEAKER_02: Um, I would say that building a soft life takes hard work.
55:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, where I am in my journey now as a leadership coach, as a community founder, as a mom, I feel like I'm reaping the fruit of being okay with hard years, you know.
55:45
SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't that all the entire year was hard, but I think there were like conversations my husband and I had to be willing to have that, you know, you don't always want to have that.
55:55
SPEAKER_02: Or, you know, some nights where you don't want to clean the kitchen, I don't want to clean the kitchen, you know, who did more, who's more tired, that whole, you know, back and forth that we often have as parents.
56:08
SPEAKER_02: Let's just leave it till tomorrow.
56:10
SPEAKER_02: We'll deal with it tomorrow.
56:11
SPEAKER_02: Let's get Chinese food and lay on the couch and watch a movie and send the kids to bed because our relationship success is more important than this moment, you know.
56:21
SPEAKER_02: So I always advise, you know, clients and community to look at the bigger picture.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: Who do you want to be?
56:27
SPEAKER_02: What do you want to create?
56:28
SPEAKER_02: What do you want your kids to look back on and say, wow, my mom and dad did all of this for me, or the people that love me and raised me gave me this, this was the valuable or valid thing.
56:38
SPEAKER_02: I think that that's the most important thing because the years are gonna go by, you know, wherever they go to school or however, but who are you right now that when they when they look back and they describe this time in you all's life, they're like, oh, but this was a wonderful thing.
56:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, like I know my mama didn't feel like it, but she did it anyway, you know, or you know, I really work to give you all this experience.
57:01
SPEAKER_02: Um, I think that that's a beautiful thing.
57:03
SPEAKER_02: So be okay with seasons that stretch you, you know, with you having to learn new ways to communicate, delegate, um, use your voice to change the world and whatever way you're supposed to, your family will be blessed as a result.
57:17
Khalila McCoy: Yes.
57:18
Khalila McCoy: If someone wants to hear more of either about your business or just kind of follow your journey, where can they find you?
57:27
SPEAKER_02: I am all over the internet.
57:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh Facebook and Instagram.
57:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm just doing Facebook and LinkedIn is Christina Garrett.
57:34
SPEAKER_02: I have like a fro hawk situation and glasses.
57:38
SPEAKER_02: So if you if you get on the y'all, is this her?
57:41
SPEAKER_02: If I if there's like this mohawk all cut up, and you're like, oh, that's her right there.
57:45
SPEAKER_02: That's me.
57:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I'm also on Facebook and Instagram, the Momoton Diaries, where I'm telling all the things, lots of productivity tips and um advice on brand building, business building, um, so that you can balance both your family and your vision.
58:02
Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
58:03
Khalila McCoy: All right.
58:03
Khalila McCoy: Well, I will add that to the show notes and I will follow you on Instagram as well.
58:07
SPEAKER_02: So wonderful.
58:09
SPEAKER_02: I will do the second.
58:10
Khalila McCoy: Thank you so much for your time today.
58:12
Khalila McCoy: I really enjoyed your perspective and your ideas that you shared.
58:15
Khalila McCoy: And it's given me a lot to think about and talk to my husband about.
58:20
Khalila McCoy: And I think you're even though we talked about homeschooling, right?
58:24
Khalila McCoy: It I think everything that you talked about is still, even if someone doesn't have kids, thinking about who you want to be, what you want your life to look like.
58:31
Khalila McCoy: And then obviously the married couples and the kid parents with people with kids.
58:37
Khalila McCoy: Sorry, I won't edit that out.
58:40
Khalila McCoy: People with kids can connect to that as well, because we are all trying to create something for ourselves.
58:47
Khalila McCoy: So your ideas were definitely timely and appropriate for everyone.
58:52
Khalila McCoy: So I appreciate that.
58:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, I appreciate you, and it's my honor to be here.
58:57
Khalila McCoy: Oh, thank you.
59:00
Khalila McCoy: Thank you, Christina, for this conversation.
59:03
Khalila McCoy: No matter what stage of life you're in, she offered so many meaningful gems to sit with.
59:08
Khalila McCoy: One line that stayed with me was you can love your life and not like it every day.
59:14
Khalila McCoy: That wasn't the main focus of our conversation, but it was a needed reminder.
59:18
Khalila McCoy: Life gets hard, it gets busy, it gets overwhelming, and if we're not careful, we start to treat a bad day like a bad life.
59:26
Khalila McCoy: That mix-up can send us down a path we never meant to walk.
59:29
Khalila McCoy: Staying mindful and reflective helps us keep perspective and protect our joy.
59:35
Khalila McCoy: Christina challenged us with two simple but powerful questions.
59:39
Khalila McCoy: Who do you want to be and what do you want to create?
59:42
Khalila McCoy: When was the last time you paused long enough to answer those?
59:46
Khalila McCoy: And if you've answered them before, are you still on the right path or have your goals shifted and you need to shift with them?
59:53
Khalila McCoy: I love her encouragement to create a vision for your family.
59:56
Khalila McCoy: Write it down, share it.
59:58
Khalila McCoy: It makes sure everyone knows their role in building the life you're imagining together.
1:00:03
Khalila McCoy: She also asked, is there a place I should be growing or want to grow that I might be avoiding?
1:00:09
Khalila McCoy: If the answer is yes, take the next step.
1:00:12
Khalila McCoy: Even a small one.
1:00:14
Khalila McCoy: Growth doesn't happen all at once.
1:00:16
Khalila McCoy: It happens little by little with courage and consistency.
1:00:20
Khalila McCoy: And of course, there's homeschooling.
1:00:23
Khalila McCoy: Christina reminded us that sometimes the growth we need isn't about sending our kids away, but it's about pulling them closer.
1:00:30
Khalila McCoy: She realized her children didn't need less time with her.
1:00:32
Khalila McCoy: They needed more time to work through challenges, to build trust, and to strengthen their relationship.
1:00:38
Khalila McCoy: Homeschooling wasn't her plan, but it became her path because it allowed her family to breathe, connect, and learn in a rhythm that worked for them.
1:00:46
Khalila McCoy: But remember, whether you homeschool or not, the heart of her message still applies.
1:00:51
Khalila McCoy: Quality relationships and quality time.
1:00:55
Khalila McCoy: That is the goal, not just quantity.
1:00:58
Khalila McCoy: The relationships we build with our kids shape their success and ours.
1:01:04
Khalila McCoy: I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did.
1:01:07
Khalila McCoy: I can't wait for our next episode as we continue our back to school series and keep learning through the stories, perspectives, and experiences of others.
1:01:16
Khalila McCoy: As you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to notice.
1:01:26
Khalila McCoy: I'll meet you back here next time.
1:01:28
Khalila McCoy: See you bye.