Latest / King Dems Podcast | Growth Mindset, Leadership, AI and Business Insights / Radical Responsibility & Trust Psychology: Accountability, Growth & Resilience w/ Clay Moffat

Transcript

Radical Responsibility & Trust Psychology: Accountability, Growth & Resilience w/ Clay Moffat · King Dems Podcast | Growth Mindset, Leadership, AI and Business Insights

• 0:00
  The issue with that is that most people don't even know what a
• 0:03
  mindset is. So.
• 0:06
  So where do we start from? Well, the mindset is just the,
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  the set of core beliefs that determine your outlook on life.
• 0:12
  But most people wouldn't be able to tell you that like, Oh yeah,
• 0:15
  I just need to get a growth mindset that I mean, OK, what is
• 0:18
  it? Well, it's just a growth
• 0:19
  mindset. It's mean.
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  I'm all about growth. I'm like, OK, So what are your,
• 0:22
  your core fundamental beliefs that then allow you to develop
• 0:25
  this and let you know that like this is where you're in?
• 0:32
  Welcome to the King Dems podcast, where we share the
• 0:36
  stories of extraordinary people and dissect hot, relevant topics
• 0:39
  that shape our world. From visionary leaders to
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  trailblazing creatives, we uncover the mindset, strategy,
• 0:45
  and grit behind greatness. Whether it's business, culture,
• 0:49
  or personal growth, we ask the real questions.
• 0:51
  This isn't just conversation, it's transformation.
• 0:54
  The Kingdom's podcast, Your Next Breakthrough, starts here.
• 0:58
  Music licencing reimagined. We are like ladies and
• 1:05
  gentlemen, you are once again and welcome to the Kingdom's
• 1:09
  forecast and today I have with me.
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  Fighting out of Phuket Highland by Rio CD Australia.
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  Clay. The Navy.
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  Boy MO Ford, how are you, Clay? Really well, and really, really
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  well. Thanks for having me on the
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  show. Wow, interested.
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  Thank you very much, you know, for coming.
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  But today, and you know what exactly the most is that you are
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  also a big fan of the sport I love the most mixed martial
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  arts. Yes Sir.
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  Guys, guys, myself and clay have been moulding the clay and MMA
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  before we started talking to you guys, you know, we've we've had
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  an hour of interest in conversations on MMA, but I'm
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  going to choke clay under the clay right now.
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  But asking him, I'm putting him on the sport.
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  Clay, do you know what I would ask you?
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  OK, who? Or your MMA Goats top five of
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  all time. Top five of all time.
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  I know GSP is there somewhere there?
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  I can't give you. So based on the conversation we
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  had before, I can't say who's number one.
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  I can tell you who the top five is, is in.
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  They're all in top five. OK, let's let's have a method to
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  the madness. Then let's have a criteria.
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  Let's let's see in terms of the sporting accomplishment and in
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  terms of bringing popularity to the sport globally.
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  Yeah, let's take that. You know, sporting
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  accomplishment and bringing in I.
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  Sporting accomplishment? You mean like Championships 1?
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  Yeah, OK. Yeah, Championships, winning
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  streaks, you know, difficult opponents, you know, the run of
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  schedule, that kind of thing, you know?
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  It's still, I still can't give you a number one to five.
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  I can I tell you the top five. So G always going to be there no
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  matter what. GSP is going to be there, right?
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  So it's got 22 division championships.
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  We've got welterweight and middle weight.
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  He's got, I'm going to screw this up.
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  Don't quote me. 12 or 13 consecutive USC wins during the
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  prime and something either eight or nine title defences, right?
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  I think he really, really helped turn the page with the
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  respectability of MMA. And I think that's part of the
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  thing that helped to take off. Obviously, what Dana White did
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  with like bringing the show the contender and really like kind
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  of calm things down. The man talking about at length,
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  Anderson Silva, obviously, right?
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  Longest title reign in UFC history.
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  Like it's insane. I think he had a bigger win
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  streak than GSP. I think it was 1617.
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  Don't quote. Me, I think it was 16 or 15.
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  I start to be corrected, but ten men. 10-9 or ten are all
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  defences man. Like in middle weight like dude
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  was insane. His striking was crazy,
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  redefined it. His precision, his creativity
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  was next level. Yeah.
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  Yeah, right. Team.
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  I don't think anyone could have a top five and not include John
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  Jones. I think not including John Jones
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  would be very short sighted. Like youngest UFC champion ever.
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  23 years old man 23 years old. That's insane.
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  Yeah, youngest and one of the oldest as well.
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  Sure, this is quite a champion. Longevity, man, longevity.
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  Longevity and while he's becoming annoying.
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  Because we're beginning to think.
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  You're docking Tom Aspen or you know, like why and.
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  Then so while I don't necessarily.
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  He has he and sincere Jon Jones could be Oh.
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  He understand, right? Retired undefeated.
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  What? What else can you say?
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  He had, I think three title defences and he dominated all of
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  them. He definitely had a huge attack
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  like all of the Eastern Bloc countries.
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  So the Russian speaking countries, the stands Muslim
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  majority regions, because he he he, he brought in a whole new
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  region. So definitely had an impact
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  there. And the last is probably the
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  most notorious of them all, which is Conor McGregor.
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  Right, The notorious The notorious 1.
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  Like maybe so he was the first fighter to hold two titles right
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  simultaneously in different weight classes.
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  That's got to say something. Doesn't mean he's amazing.
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  He's the best in everything. But that's that says something,
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  right Simultaneously. Probably brought ice to the
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  sports, you know? And that's the next thing right
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  other. The other would be in contention
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  is Ronda Rousey because she she brought in a lot of the females
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  like she really, really elevated the USC.
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  But in terms of PPV numbers, McGregor, man.
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  Yeah, same in the top ten. I think he probably has like 7
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  or 6 fights in the top 10 P pay-per-view numbers.
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  But if if we were to have a category for the females, for
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  the women who who'll be in the top five?
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  There's obviously up there. Amanda Ninas.
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  Yeah, she's got to be in there. She's the first female double
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  champ, same, same credential as McGregor.
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  So if I'm putting Conor McGregor in there for that, then I've got
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  to do the same thing. She smashed Rousey, she smashed
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  Tate, she smashed home, she smashed Cyborg and Shevchenko
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  and Shevchenko would be the next one that I throw in there.
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  Just dominated men. Seven title defences, like one
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  of the most technical, well-rounded fighters ever.
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  Multiple wins over elite conferences, like just became a
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  role model for perfection in women's MMA.
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  Notable mentions would be Chris Cyborg.
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  Yeah. Sure, he def an element like
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  McGregor. When McGregor got inside Jose
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  Aldo's head and basically just had took the fight from Aldo,
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  right? He was so angry that he just
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  wasn't thinking and McGregor's took it from him.
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  She was also very much in the mental game, destroying
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  opponents before the. Warfare.
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  Yeah, right. And I think whether you like it
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  or not, she she proved that women's MMA could be just as
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  brutal and violent as men's and technical.
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  Yeah, absolutely. And of course, you know, her
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  longevity as well is quite admirable.
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  And she, she's just smashing, smashing things up at the PFL.
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  Rounded off probably always mess up her name.
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  Her name? Zhang Zhang.
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  Whaley. Zhang Whaley.
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  I was waiting for that one. She is.
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  So absolutely good. The Queen of the Straw waits,
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  but I heard she's trying trying to get a match up against
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  Shevchenko. How do you see that going?
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  First Chinese UFC champion. Just that alone brings China
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  into wanting to watch the UFC. 1.5 billion people.
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  Right. Yeah, yeah, I think she's a
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  massive, massive influence and yeah, she's, she's a good role
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  model as well. You know, that humility,
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  discipline, consistency, assistance, you know, and
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  resilience as well coming back from from, from setbacks.
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  It's. Very much a good.
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  Yeah, very good example for the younger generation to follow.
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  What a tough act. Now for family, let's talk about
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  Clay. I am the.
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  Porter and you are the clay. You know your journey is.
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  Extraordinary, you know, from Navy weapons tech to author of
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  The Trust Trump. So what was the moment that
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  sparked your shifting to behavioural coaching and radical
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  responsibility? There wasn't one moment I'd
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  love, love to say there was. It was like this.
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  You can say it's like that. There was a moment that the
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  straw that broke the camel's back, but it was a series of
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  things that just kept me looking back and looking back and
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  looking back. And what became abundantly clear
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  to me was that I was the common denominator in every single
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  shitstorm that I found myself in.
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  It was me, so it. Was more of an evolution than a
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  revolution. There was an evolution that
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  caused a revolution. Tell me about it.
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  So the straw that broke the camel's back was when I left the
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  Navy and then went into oil and gas.
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  And oil and gas got paid very well, but I just did not enjoy
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  it. I did not enjoy showing up to
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  work. I did not enjoy being there.
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  It was good money. I enjoyed hanging out with the
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  people there, but I just really was enjoying the work.
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  And on the last job I ever had in, in oil and gas, I was like,
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  you know what, it'd be great if they just made me redundant and,
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  you know, I just had to go do something else.
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  And so it was like 2000, thirteen, 2014, OPEC was having
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  this oil price war with the US. So the oil price tanked to like,
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  don't quote me around about $30 a barrel.
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  It went from 110 to 30 in a matter of months.
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  And rigs just got stacked globally around the world like
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  mass layoffs. And I happened to get laid off.
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  And it was one of the best things that happened to me.
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  I came back home, I was sitting around moping around and my now
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  ex-wife came back and she's like, what is your problem?
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  Get up, you lazy bum, go to work, go find something to do.
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  And I was like, all right. And I, I'd been sitting around
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  because I was kind of sad and you could say melancholy.
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  I wouldn't say depressed. I was thinking there's going to
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  be something else. There's going to be more to
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  this, right? I, I realised I'd actually been
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  outsourcing like all my outcomes.
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  And so I just got brutally honest about the fact that
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  there's no one coming to save me and I didn't want someone to
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  come and save me because the people that would come and save
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  me would be people to get me numb job offshore anyway.
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  So I realised that while most people think they need a hug and
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  support, what they really need is a wake up call because that's
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  what I needed. I need a kick in the ass.
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  And so my wife at the time gave me that kick.
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  I was like, all right, this is where we go.
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  And I'd already been on the path of self development for about
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  the previous three years before I got out of the oil and gas.
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  I was like, let me just go down this road and explore this and
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  see what happens. And so that's what I did.
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  I just started a business overnight and went from there.
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  Oh, so it was more of an evolution than a revolution, you
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  would say. But then that incident was like
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  the catalyst that's speed up the chain of reaction, you know?
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  Very much so. Very much so.
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  Like there was always something wrong, right?
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  Looking back at school, looking back at my time in the Navy,
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  looking back at time and oil and gas, there was always like this
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  thing. I was like, this is not for me.
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  This is for people of a different nature.
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  I did not belong in the Navy because I don't really do well
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  in very strict authoritarian hierarchies.
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  And that's all the military is and.
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  That routine, the regimen recommended lifestyle.
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  That that's fine. I'm fine with routine.
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  That's OK. The respect and authority is
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  something that I choose to give, not something that is
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  automatically given because you wear a rank on your shoulders.
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  And so then if I have someone coming to tell me what to do,
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  and from the outside it looked like they were incompetent and I
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  was extremely judgmental back then, then I wouldn't take
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  orders from them. It doesn't work well when you're
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  in the military. If someone outranks, you're
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  going to give you an order you have to follow.
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  It so I was like for complaint. Yeah, right.
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  So. Followed the last order, you
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  know, but yeah, I, I kind of agree with you.
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  You know, respect is earned and not demanded.
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  And she should always earn your respect.
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  And that's that's the best form of respect.
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  That is sick even. But you know, you mentioned that
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  The Trust Trap was written under intense personal circumstances.
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  So what was going through your mind during that time?
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  And like, how did that pressure shape the book?
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  The trust, it was written in three weeks, man, three weeks
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  from the time I started typing to the time it was published, it
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  was 21 days, which was it was brutal, but manageable.
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  And it was manageable because a lot of the work that I've been
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  doing in in the most recent years is also about high
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  performance coaching and productivity and amplifying
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  results and being able to get yourself and set yourself up for
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  a position where you can achieve as much in one day as most
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  people achieve in a month. Because you're levelling like
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  getting into the zone and using that and using strategy and
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  systems in place that to do these things.
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  So it kind of was the perfect storm of all this stuff that
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  I've been teaching for almost a decade now I can start to
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  utilise and prove that it worked and it did.
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  But the pressure was I'm blind in my left eye, I can't see.
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  I lost that vision in 2010. I had three operations, two of
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  them failed. The first one failed, the second
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  one's success, I got my vision back and the third one took my
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  vision away again. So I lost my vision and this
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  surgery that that that took the vision away was the surgery I
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  had to have on my right eye. So I was not, the circumstances
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  were different. I hadn't just had two surgeries
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  on this eye, so the likelihood of failure was much less the
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  same time. There was still a very real
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  chance that it could go that way.
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  And when it came to it, I still wanted to coach, I still wanted
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  to help people. And if things went sideways and
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  as you can see, if I'm talking, I can see you now.
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  So clearly I can see the operation went well.
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  If that didn't go well, the only way that I could see myself
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  being out of coach was in the form of a book, not a course,
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  because then I've got to market the course, etcetera, but a
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  book. I can put the book out there, if
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  it's really good, people will recommend it.
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  It's less than 20 bucks. So it's less than 20 bucks.
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  Like that's not going to kill someone.
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  You know, they're OK, I can spare 20 bucks to see if it's
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  going to help, you know what I mean?
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  So the pressure was, this is not a sales pitch.
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  This is a legacy. This is about being able to help
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  people. This is about making a
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  difference and making an impact. So you need to put something out
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  there that is actually going to help people, not a lead magnet,
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  not that's going to hey look man, buy my book and then at the
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  end of the book, I'll sell you $1000 course so that you can
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  then come into my $15,000 mastermind so that you can get
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  my private one on $100,000 coaching.
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  No, the book by itself had to stand alone as a book that could
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  help people and transform. And so I poured everything that
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  I thought was the most useful framework from things that I had
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  learned from my mentors and from working with thousands of people
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  into this thing so that what I'd learned over the last 15 years
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  just didn't die. And it it had room to grow on
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  its own, you know? It's it's quite interesting the
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  challenges you've actually faced.
• 17:54
  Different people go through different kinds of tests.
• 17:57
  And of course, you know, Speaking of the the one, I
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  think, you know, it reminds me of Michael Bisping, you know,
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  of, of the UFC and how you have to the resilient to CBA champion
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  in life. Michael Bisping became, you
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  know, a champion in the UFC with just single vision.
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  And for people that don't have an idea, that actually
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  significantly affects your depth perception as a person.
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  So you need to work twice as hard as a regular person,
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  especially when it comes to physical tasks, even with the
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  mental tasks as well. And it does have a very
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  significant mental pressure on you as a person because you know
• 18:51
  that you have to now put in twice the effort into everything
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  that you do. So what was more challenging for
• 19:00
  you? Was it the mental aspect or the
• 19:03
  physical aspect? Because the mental aspect is a
• 19:06
  physical aspect. Mentally your psychology is
• 19:10
  being tested, but your brain has to develop new neural pathways
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  and has to develop the ability to start reading and making
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  these judgments on their perception.
• 19:20
  Like I go, I got, I've got a couple of good friends here in
• 19:24
  Phuket and I play paddle. You know what paddle is?
• 19:27
  There's like mini tennis court thing with walls and you can hit
• 19:30
  the ball and bounce. It's kind of like squash on a
• 19:32
  small little court. When it comes to fast moving
• 19:36
  objects coming towards me and me trying to hit them back, it
• 19:40
  could be the most. And eye coordination.
• 19:42
  And I was like, and it just goes straight past, like I've never
• 19:45
  played before in my life. And my mate's like, what what
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  happened? And he's like, Oh yeah, your
• 19:51
  eye, right. So we ended up figuring out a
• 19:54
  strategy where I stand at the net.
• 19:57
  And so if I don't have to go to my side and in front of me and I
• 19:59
  stand and I can volley the ball back and get it in.
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  So that's how we ended up playing the game.
• 20:04
  But it makes a huge difference. And the mental processing takes
• 20:08
  up a notch. The way that your brain
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  processes takes up a notch. Physically there are things and
• 20:13
  limitations that come in, but the limitations were there even
• 20:17
  when I was in the oil and gas field, right?
• 20:19
  And so I'm trying to fix these massive valves.
• 20:22
  So we're pressure testing with 30,000 PSI or we're doing this
• 20:26
  change out with a couple of tonne chain blocks and moving
• 20:29
  things and shifting things. And you're trying to line up
• 20:32
  threads on a bolt and you can't see with your left eye, but it's
• 20:36
  around this corner. You need to see with your left
• 20:38
  eye to try and get in there. And so now you've got to come
• 20:40
  with like some mirror and try and build this thing.
• 20:42
  So I mean, it was just you have to figure it out.
• 20:47
  Necessity is a mother of. Invention, you know.
• 20:49
  Necessity that's that's 100% right you.
• 20:53
  Always have to figure it out. You know that fighting spirit.
• 20:57
  I I see it in you and you leave in Phroket, Thailand and
• 21:01
  Thailand is very, very famous for its Muay Thai.
• 21:04
  Oh. Yeah.
• 21:06
  You know, most MMA guys that know what they're doing at some
• 21:09
  point in time would always come to Phuket to train, especially
• 21:15
  the Tiger Muay Thai. So, so tell me, you know how the
• 21:19
  interactions with these MMA fighters you know has actually
• 21:23
  helped your mental game, you know helped you know your
• 21:26
  fighting spirit and who are the guys you've enjoyed working with
• 21:29
  the most? So when it comes to the fighting
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  spirit, that was more ingrained from my dad.
• 21:44
  So my dad just doesn't give up, never has.
• 21:51
  I was very fortunate to grow up in a household like that, you
• 21:56
  know? Jocko Willick.
• 22:00
  Jocko Wienik. That name sounds familiar.
• 22:03
  Tell me about the person. So he's got a book called
• 22:06
  Extreme Ownership. He's a former name, right?
• 22:09
  And he was the Navy SEAL team leader in Iraq and Afghanistan
• 22:12
  and ran a lot of OPS over there. And he's got this saying that no
• 22:17
  matter what someone would say to him, even if they came to him
• 22:20
  with a problem, he'd say good. That was right.
• 22:25
  It kind of shaped. So people come to them and like,
• 22:27
  I'm going to tell you this thing.
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  I know exactly what you're going to say.
• 22:29
  He's going to say good. And he's like, good.
• 22:32
  And so it didn't matter, right? And so these people, it, it
• 22:35
  shifted the accountability so that they go figure it out.
• 22:40
  Growing up, my dad, whenever I approached him with a problem,
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  would say, you're lucky. Some people would kill to have
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  the problem you've got right now.
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  You're lucky. And so I got this thing stuck
• 22:52
  into my head that no matter what happens, no matter what comes my
• 22:56
  way, you're lucky. So when it came to working with
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  the fighters, there were some people I'm still not allowed to
• 23:04
  talk about because of Ndas and other fighters.
• 23:09
  It really depended on where they came from in life.
• 23:13
  And I don't necessarily in the country, but the fighting spirit
• 23:17
  would typically be there. Most of the fighters, and this
• 23:21
  is possibly going to sound rude but I don't mean to be, Most of
• 23:24
  the fighters are broke until you get super famous.
• 23:28
  Most right? And the other element is most
• 23:33
  fires until they're at the top level, don't care about mindset.
• 23:39
  They're not interested in mindset.
• 23:42
  None of them are interested in mindset because they want to get
• 23:47
  their skills right. They want to get their
• 23:48
  techniques right and they don't realise that the two work in
• 23:52
  tangent with each other. I need to become the best
• 23:54
  striker and the best grappler. Like that's great.
• 23:57
  You also need to make sure that your mind's in the right place
• 23:59
  so that as you're developing these skills, you're coming from
• 24:01
  the right place. You're you're not overworking
• 24:03
  yourself, you're not overtraining yourself and you're
• 24:06
  not pushing yourself into this pit.
• 24:10
  Tim Groban relentless talks about how the Black Mamba was
• 24:14
  always trying to do just one more and just one more and just
• 24:17
  one more. And that's why in his mind,
• 24:20
  Jordan was a better player because Jordan would stop when
• 24:24
  he was told to stop, whereas Kobe wanted to be seen better as
• 24:28
  Jordan. So he pushed himself further and
• 24:30
  he didn't need to. Now, that's not to say that
• 24:33
  they're not both awesome players.
• 24:34
  They are. And that's not to take anything
• 24:37
  away from how skilful he is. It's a difference between
• 24:40
  knowing and understanding the level that you're at and then
• 24:44
  also paying attention. OK, Like, do I really need to do
• 24:47
  this? Is this essential?
• 24:49
  Is this actually going to boost my skill level?
• 24:51
  Is this actually going to level me up?
• 24:53
  Or am I just working myself based out of fear that I'm not
• 24:57
  actually the best yet and that I haven't surpassed this guy?
• 25:00
  You know, that's why I love to tell people it's more important
• 25:04
  to work smart than to work hard, and activity doesn't necessarily
• 25:09
  generate productivity. You know.
• 25:11
  Everybody has a breaking point, so it doesn't make sense to
• 25:16
  stretch yourself beyond your breaking point because like, you
• 25:20
  would need recovery. Absolutely.
• 25:23
  So if you stretch yourself beyond the breaking point, you
• 25:26
  will spend unnecessary time recovery.
• 25:31
  The thing while it's most people don't understand is that
• 25:35
  recovery is the key to peak performance.
• 25:39
  You can't have peak performance without recovery.
• 25:45
  Like it's a symbiotic relationship.
• 25:47
  If you're just pushing out, pushing out, pushing out,
• 25:50
  pushing out, and doing minimal recovery, then the amount of
• 25:54
  energy you have to push into the next one becomes diminished.
• 25:59
  So you start getting diminished returns, diminished results, and
• 26:03
  people that are hungry, that haven't worked on their mindset
• 26:09
  always feel that there's not enough, so they need to push
• 26:12
  more. That's not true.
• 26:13
  Not that I haven't worked on my mindset, but haven't got their
• 26:15
  mindset dialled in that are running out of a fear, like
• 26:20
  they're not enough or they need to do this because they're not
• 26:22
  sure if they're going to win or they can't know if they're doing
• 26:24
  this and becomes massively problematic.
• 26:27
  And that doesn't matter whether we're talking about sports,
• 26:30
  whether we're talking about business, whether they're
• 26:32
  talking about a relationship that's in every single segment
• 26:35
  of your life. So let's talk about patterns
• 26:38
  like why do you believe most people are stuck in trust noobs?
• 26:43
  They don't even realise. Because that's so simple, man.
• 26:49
  People don't even know what trust is.
• 26:52
  They will have this Disney fairy tale idea of value.
• 26:55
  They lock it in. So what happens in the brain?
• 26:59
  Because as a mechanism for the brain to survive and to kick it,
• 27:03
  kick into gear. What really happened is the
• 27:06
  brain is lazy, right? Or you could say it's efficient.
• 27:10
  Either one. They both mean the same thing in
• 27:12
  this context. It likes to learn something as
• 27:15
  fast as it can and turn it into an automatic pattern so it
• 27:18
  doesn't need to think about it. So it doesn't need to conserve
• 27:21
  consume energy because it needs to conserve energy because
• 27:25
  evolutionary speaking from a newer scientific standpoint, we
• 27:29
  need to make sure that we remember where food is, we
• 27:31
  remember where calories are so that we can survive.
• 27:34
  Now 10,000 years ago can't just walk down to the supermarket and
• 27:38
  go get some groceries, right? You got to remember where the
• 27:41
  mango tree is. You got to remember where the
• 27:44
  the animals go at the water hole.
• 27:46
  You got to remember these things so that you can survive.
• 27:49
  Whereas nowadays we don't have that.
• 27:51
  But from the evolutionary side of things and how brains still
• 27:53
  work, that still plays a massive role.
• 27:56
  So what happens is people develop, OK, we've been friends
• 28:02
  for five years, right? And we're talking and
• 28:06
  everything's going on. And then I'm like, you know
• 28:08
  what? Kingdom's perfect.
• 28:10
  I trust this guy. He's a trustworthy guy.
• 28:14
  No disrespect. That's false.
• 28:17
  It doesn't mean that you intentionally go and try and
• 28:19
  screw me over. But the second I label you as
• 28:22
  trustworthy, you get put in a bracket.
• 28:25
  And that bracket means I'll ignore the red flags that come
• 28:29
  up. And a red flag doesn't mean
• 28:30
  you're screwing me over. A red flag means pay attention.
• 28:34
  Something different is happening.
• 28:36
  And that's the difference. A lot of people think, oh, it's
• 28:37
  a red flag. They're they're they're
• 28:39
  deceiving me. They're trying to screw me over,
• 28:41
  man. Like, no, no, no, no, no.
• 28:42
  Pump the brakes, dude. It's not like that at all.
• 28:45
  What it means is something different is happening.
• 28:48
  Pay attention. That's it.
• 28:50
  And when you start paying attention to what's happening
• 28:53
  and you can see a divergent, you can start to figure out, OK,
• 28:55
  like is their incentive still aligned with me?
• 28:59
  And that's what trust is. Trust is the assurance of a
• 29:02
  mutually beneficial outcome. The classic example is right
• 29:05
  now, at this point in time, it is beneficial for you to host me
• 29:09
  on your show because you believe I can add value to your
• 29:12
  listeners. Right now it is beneficial for
• 29:15
  me to be on your show because then I can talk and I can get
• 29:18
  more people to understand the bullshit that they tell
• 29:21
  themselves how to break out of it.
• 29:23
  I can move forward. But that that's the the IT goes
• 29:28
  both ways. You see what I mean?
• 29:30
  Yeah, I can I take relationship. Right.
• 29:33
  I can trust that this is in your best interest.
• 29:36
  So we're both going to show up and give 100% now.
• 29:40
  Show up and show up. If if in our conversation
• 29:43
  beforehand you're like, whoa, man, this dude's really weird.
• 29:49
  Maybe we should reschedule. Like I'll get back to you.
• 29:52
  You know what I mean? Like I'm not saying you would,
• 29:55
  but there, there would be this thing like I'm not sure if this
• 29:57
  is actually right for my audience.
• 29:59
  Like there, there could be something wrong here.
• 30:00
  There's something that's not going on.
• 30:02
  So you go, you know what, I'll go ahead with the show, but at
• 30:07
  the end of you like, OK, this is not right for me.
• 30:09
  Like we need, we need change out and I'll, I'll contact the guy
• 30:11
  and let him know because it's not in your best interest.
• 30:15
  So when it comes to trust and labelling someone this is a
• 30:18
  trustworthy person, that label gets stuck.
• 30:22
  That stuck label gets put there because the brain doesn't want
• 30:25
  to spend energy conserving, consuming all this new data
• 30:29
  that's coming in that is different to the label that
• 30:33
  you've attached. So now you're getting cognitive
• 30:35
  dissonance. Coming in was like, Oh no, no,
• 30:37
  no, they're a good person. They're a good person.
• 30:39
  They wouldn't do this. So then you start ignoring red
• 30:42
  flags, you start justifying why they wouldn't do it to yourself,
• 30:44
  and then boom, you get betrayed, which you didn't, you just
• 30:48
  weren't paying attention. And now you're like, I don't
• 30:50
  know why it happened. Well, you mean the three months
• 30:52
  leading up to it, where you're getting all these signals
• 30:54
  telling you that it's happening is exactly why it happened?
• 30:56
  Trust. You talk about trust, you talk
• 31:00
  about betrayal, right? And betrayal is closely linked
• 31:06
  to the breach of trust, right? So you also talk about the
• 31:12
  behavioural blind spots. So would you say that trust
• 31:17
  isn't a feeling, it's a pattern? And can you break that down for
• 31:21
  the audience? Absolutely.
• 31:23
  Say trust is not a feeling. I mean, yes and no.
• 31:28
  So you can get a feeling that things are right.
• 31:31
  And that I would say, I would argue is like trust is a
• 31:35
  feeling. Does that make sense?
• 31:37
  So like, I can feel that this conversation and their intention
• 31:42
  that you have is good for me. And I can tell that by the way
• 31:46
  that you're showing up. I can tell that by the way
• 31:48
  you're interested. I can tell that by the body
• 31:49
  language. I can tell that by how you're
• 31:51
  focusing on what I'm saying and tell that by how you're pivoting
• 31:54
  your questions. I can tell that by how you're
• 31:56
  nodding as you're going along. I can tell that because your
• 32:00
  blink rate is slowing down, because you're paying attention
• 32:02
  to the words I'm saying, you're being absorbed in what I'm
• 32:05
  saying. So there's multiple things you
• 32:07
  can start to pay attention to now when you start talking about
• 32:11
  betrayal and trust being linked. I do not believe in betrayal.
• 32:16
  It doesn't exist. And the reason it doesn't exist
• 32:20
  in my world is because I don't label people into this trust
• 32:23
  bracket. I pay attention and it has taken
• 32:26
  me a long time to get my brain to continuously pay attention to
• 32:30
  people because it's you're pushing back on its design by
• 32:36
  nature, which is to like conserve energy and not do that.
• 32:40
  But I've also spent a lot of time training in body language
• 32:44
  and behaviour profiling. So I can notice like this is
• 32:47
  someone's baseline. They're deviating from their
• 32:49
  baseline. OK, what's going on?
• 32:52
  OK, Do I need to pay attention so that before it even comes to
• 32:56
  a culmination of a betrayal incident, I'm already aware that
• 33:00
  that's the direction they're heading?
• 33:01
  And so I can cut it off and say, look, I don't think this is
• 33:04
  going in direction we need to go.
• 33:05
  We need to move. So you're saying that trust is
• 33:11
  not a feeling, it's a pattern? Yes.
• 33:14
  So why do even the smartest of people miss out on the red flags
• 33:20
  in relationships, business or leadership?
• 33:23
  Red flags don't look red until you've been burned.
• 33:30
  They seem like inconsistencies against the idea that you've
• 33:35
  created in your head about the illusion of who this person was.
• 33:39
  Past tense, not who they are showing up as right now.
• 33:47
  People get attached to the idea of the person, their perception,
• 33:53
  their projection of that person. And when they get attached to
• 33:57
  that, it doesn't matter how smart you are because
• 34:02
  intelligence doesn't mean awareness and smart people call
• 34:07
  it smart people syndrome does. It's not an actually syndrome.
• 34:10
  So we're clear, right? But smart people often
• 34:12
  rationalise faster and better than anyone else.
• 34:16
  So when the guts like hey Dems, something's off here bro, wake
• 34:20
  up, pay attention, pay attention.
• 34:21
  You're like, Nah, man, like it's OK because of this and this and
• 34:23
  this, and logically you perfectly feel this amazing
• 34:27
  story. And it's like, oh, OK, yeah,
• 34:29
  that makes sense. That's exactly why they're doing
• 34:30
  them. Boom.
• 34:31
  You fall off a Cliff. You're like, what?
• 34:33
  How did that happen? That doesn't make any sense.
• 34:35
  Makes perfect sense. You rationalise something, your
• 34:38
  gut's trying to indicate that something's going off, but your
• 34:40
  brain is going no, no, no, we're good.
• 34:42
  This is safe. We've got all these other things
• 34:44
  in place. We've got these cheques and
• 34:45
  balances here. Everything's fine.
• 34:48
  So you say even as far as people wouldn't identify the red flags,
• 34:55
  So what? Is hold on, hold on.
• 34:58
  No, not they can't identify the red flags that they ignore them
• 35:03
  or justify them. And so the red flag doesn't
• 35:06
  become red until they've crashed and burned because they already
• 35:09
  ignored and justified to themselves that it wasn't a red
• 35:13
  flag, even though it was. That's why hindsight's 2020,
• 35:17
  right? They did notice.
• 35:19
  Absolutely. Take an example of where you've
• 35:21
  been betrayed and we're not talking like the worst thing in
• 35:23
  your life, but a friend didn't show up, someone ghosted you or
• 35:26
  something like that. Tell me that there were not
• 35:30
  signs before that that you're like, Oh no, it's OK.
• 35:34
  Tell me and. Tell me that that did not happen
• 35:39
  and I'll be like OK, I'm wrong but I can tell.
• 35:43
  Apparently you know I could only smell bullshit from from a
• 35:47
  while. A mile away.
• 35:50
  And that's the point. Most people can, but they've
• 35:53
  conditioned themselves to ignore it and that's the issue.
• 35:57
  You know, this brings me to to to remember something in
• 36:02
  communication. I pay more attention to body
• 36:05
  language than your febble language, right?
• 36:10
  I could be telling. And that's why, you know, I, I
• 36:12
  like video calls. I like one-on-one communication
• 36:16
  because your body language does not lie.
• 36:21
  Your tongue might be telling me something, your mouth will be
• 36:25
  telling me something or your body is telling me another
• 36:27
  thing. And of course, that gives me
• 36:28
  information to process in order to understand, OK, where you're
• 36:33
  at, what you're saying or what it is really that you want.
• 36:37
  But I think a lot of people in this age and time do not pay
• 36:41
  attention to body language. I like for you to touch on that,
• 36:44
  you know, and link it back to, you know, the, the, the issue
• 36:48
  with, with trust and identifying patterns.
• 36:51
  Sure. So that's pretty simple.
• 36:56
  I've got the system that I call, it's called the snitch protocol,
• 37:00
  and I say everybody is a snitch, meaning everybody on the planet,
• 37:09
  every human being's body is going to snitch on them.
• 37:14
  So I can say whatever I want to. And exactly like you said, the
• 37:17
  body's giving me away. The body's gone behind my back
• 37:20
  and it's snitching me to the other person.
• 37:23
  And you can't escape it. And even if you try to like lock
• 37:26
  it down because of the cognitive load that's going on, something
• 37:30
  else is going to snitch somewhere else on you like it,
• 37:33
  you can't beat it. It just happens.
• 37:35
  So when you become attuned to what to pay attention for, and
• 37:40
  you mentioned something like, oh, the mouth is saying one
• 37:42
  thing, I'm like, OK, let me dive into that a bit further.
• 37:46
  It's not the mouth because the mouth is actually part of the
• 37:48
  body. The words are saying one thing,
• 37:51
  but the mouth can also actually be very indicative of what's
• 37:54
  going on and what the person isn't actually wanting to say,
• 37:57
  right. So there's something called the
• 38:00
  homunculus, which is a really weird disfigured drawing that
• 38:05
  pays attention to sensory input and motor input.
• 38:08
  And so it redraws the body in a way that shows where all the
• 38:14
  sensory input and the motor import is.
• 38:16
  And what it shows is like the hands.
• 38:17
  I'm going to mess up the numbers.
• 38:19
  The hands are around about 7 times larger than they would be
• 38:23
  prospectively. The legs are like .2, the feet
• 38:29
  about two or two or three times the size, the ears are about 1.5
• 38:33
  times. The lips are a bit like it.
• 38:36
  It shows it disproportionately because these are the areas
• 38:39
  where a lot of the energy goes. And you can start telling these
• 38:43
  things, right? So you can start telling like
• 38:45
  subtle mouth movements, right? So microexpressions, biting the
• 38:50
  lips and then depending on what biting, pursing lips are,
• 38:53
  pulling your lips in, biting lips like this, sticking your
• 38:56
  tongue in your cheek. All these things meet meet
• 38:58
  certain requirements. And when you start grouping
• 39:00
  these clusters together after someone's responding or before
• 39:03
  they're about to talk to you, you can start to get an idea of
• 39:06
  whether like they're holding on something that, that they're
• 39:08
  repressing something, they're holding something back, whether
• 39:11
  there's more tension and more stress in what they're trying to
• 39:14
  come across, whether they're closed off and they're, that is
• 39:17
  a barrier gesture, right? I'm crossing the centre of my
• 39:20
  body. I'm like, now that doesn't
• 39:23
  necessarily mean it's something bad or deceptive, but when it's
• 39:28
  clustered together in a certain way, responding to certain
• 39:31
  questions and your brain picks up on these things, but you
• 39:35
  don't have any training in it. So you're like, oh, I'm getting
• 39:39
  this message, but I have no idea what this message means.
• 39:42
  So my brains going to logic through all what it does know.
• 39:45
  And what it does know is that this person's a trustworthy
• 39:47
  person. They've never screwed me up
• 39:48
  before and they'd never do that. Why would they do that now?
• 39:51
  So this message that you're getting gets ignored.
• 39:57
  So the patterns are there, but if you're not attuned to what
• 40:01
  patterns to look for to start paying attention.
• 40:03
  And the biggest thing that most people screw up when they start
• 40:06
  going into behaviour profiling body language is they forget
• 40:08
  about baseline. And you have to baseline every
• 40:12
  person, all the time, every interaction.
• 40:15
  Now you'll start to form a relative baseline.
• 40:17
  The more you start to hang out with people, the more you start
• 40:19
  to connect with people. You start to understand that
• 40:21
  their baseline change depending on their emotional state, where
• 40:24
  you start to clock those things and have general ideas of what
• 40:26
  their baseline is. But for the most part, most
• 40:29
  people forget about that and like, yeah, you're seeing there
• 40:31
  with your arms crossed, You're being defensive.
• 40:33
  Like I'm seeing in front of air conditioner, It's cold.
• 40:36
  I want to warm myself up. Get over it.
• 40:38
  But they'll take this one little snippet and I'll like, oh,
• 40:41
  that's what it means. No, no, no.
• 40:42
  No, yeah, You know, and I've said this before on the on the
• 40:46
  podcast, in communication, two things are important, the
• 40:50
  content and the context. Always.
• 40:53
  Yeah. So same thing in body language,
• 40:57
  you know? Yep.
• 40:58
  Content and the context. In what context are you doing
• 41:01
  that? You know, but that is where
• 41:06
  understanding of human psychology comes in.
• 41:09
  You know, it's not just a bucket list of expressions and saying
• 41:16
  this expression means this. That expression might mean
• 41:20
  something different on a rainy day, on a cold day, on a warm
• 41:23
  day. And also studying the tone and
• 41:26
  the cadence of a person's voice is important.
• 41:30
  You know the tone and cadence, you know, geez out.
• 41:34
  You know, basic emotions like fear, like greed.
• 41:38
  Oh. Yeah, anger, like the tone and
• 41:44
  cadence would always, you know, communicate those.
• 41:48
  But it it takes you know, someone who is highly trained in
• 41:51
  communication to, to be able to clock those things.
• 41:55
  And you know, yourself and myself, I've done a great job in
• 41:58
  studying communication to quite, quite a high degree.
• 42:01
  In other to be able to understand these deep things,
• 42:04
  they don't just, you know, teach you these things in school.
• 42:09
  You need to practise them over time and do your research.
• 42:15
  Yeah, over time. I think to get good at them it
• 42:19
  takes time to understand them and start seeing them.
• 42:23
  You can see that very quickly. Yeah, quickly.
• 42:27
  It's it's like anything, right? You can get a little bit of
• 42:30
  information, learn some things really quickly and start to
• 42:33
  notice something like, oh, that's cool.
• 42:34
  It's like a Hardy trick. I can do this cool thing.
• 42:36
  Yeah. And then to get really good at
• 42:40
  it takes commitment, takes consistency, and takes effort.
• 42:44
  Like like anything, right? Repetition breeds mastery.
• 42:48
  Kind of kind. Of consistent over time, but.
• 42:53
  Not even consistent over time. So like, if if you're
• 42:56
  consistently practising something but you don't fully
• 42:59
  understand what that thing is, then you're consistently
• 43:01
  practising the wrong thing. And that will bring, that will
• 43:05
  bring mastery in the wrong use of the thing that you're
• 43:09
  practising. So yeah, but, but, but you need,
• 43:13
  you need that innovation over time and yeah, improvement in
• 43:17
  strategy and open mindedness to learning.
• 43:21
  You know, a lot of people have fixed mindset, not a growth
• 43:23
  mindset. Very much so.
• 43:26
  Very important to have a good mindset.
• 43:28
  That way you have a good mindset, you know, it leads you
• 43:30
  on that path of, you know, learning.
• 43:32
  And a very important part of the good mindset is having an open
• 43:36
  mind and being curious. The issue with that is that most
• 43:42
  people don't even know what a mindset is.
• 43:46
  So that's where do we start from?
• 43:49
  Well, the mindset is just the the set of core beliefs that
• 43:52
  determine your outlook on life. But most people wouldn't be able
• 43:56
  to tell you that like, Oh yeah, I just need to get a growth
• 44:00
  mindset that I mean, OK, what is it?
• 44:03
  Well, it's just a growth mindset.
• 44:04
  It's mean. I'm all about growth.
• 44:05
  I'm like, OK, So what are your, your core fundamental beliefs
• 44:08
  that then allow you to develop this and let you know that like
• 44:12
  this is where you're in. And so we're clear, like the
• 44:14
  mindset that you bring is also going to fluctuate dependent on
• 44:17
  your state. You could be very well in a
• 44:21
  growth mindset when everything's going great.
• 44:24
  Yet when your nervous systems triggered and you start going
• 44:28
  into collapse and your dorsal vagal system starts taking over
• 44:31
  your body and shutting everything down, your prefrontal
• 44:33
  cortex stops getting energy, your amygdala starts firing up,
• 44:36
  and everything starts firing 1,000,000 miles an hour, then
• 44:40
  you could very much be going into a very closed mindset very,
• 44:44
  very quickly. Now, does that mean that you're
• 44:47
  always in a closed mindset? No, no.
• 44:49
  But if you went through abuse or you went through some kind of
• 44:54
  trauma and you're easily triggered, you could be more
• 44:57
  easily able to go back there and less resilient to stress and
• 45:01
  less tolerant to it. So that means the impact and the
• 45:04
  volatility of your life is increased.
• 45:06
  So there's, there's so many factors, man.
• 45:08
  Context is king. Context is king.
• 45:12
  How you clock that? You know all, there's so many
• 45:15
  moving variables and we have internal variables, we have
• 45:18
  external variables. Yeah.
• 45:20
  People underestimate the impact of the external variables
• 45:25
  because the external variables can sometimes be superimposed.
• 45:33
  I think the external variables can be even more impactful than
• 45:39
  the intern I look at when you're going up.
• 45:44
  Did your parents restrict you from playing with certain kids
• 45:47
  or did they let you play with anyone you wanted?
• 45:49
  No, of course they And why? Why did they do that?
• 45:54
  Not because they've studied psychology, Not because they've
• 45:57
  got a PhD in psychology and neuroscience.
• 45:59
  Because they know that the circle of influence will start
• 46:04
  to shape you socially or start to shape your behaviours.
• 46:08
  You'll start to shape your belief in yourself.
• 46:10
  You'll start to shape the activities that you're going to
• 46:12
  start to enjoy what you might be tempted into doing good things
• 46:15
  or bad things, whatever, it doesn't matter.
• 46:18
  But they know these things. Fundamentally, as human beings,
• 46:20
  we know these things. Fundamentally, as human beings,
• 46:24
  we know that the standard of your education and the way
• 46:27
  you're treated in school and how you show up in school and the
• 46:30
  way you approach school is going to have a massive influence on
• 46:33
  your life and a massive wins on the direction of your life.
• 46:38
  But people think that, OK, I'm independent of my environment.
• 46:44
  No, you're a product of your environment.
• 46:47
  Absolutely. And that's how I went out to see
• 46:50
  people who try to ignore that external factor and say, oh, you
• 46:54
  are the architect of your own fortune.
• 46:56
  I'm like, excuse me, what are you saying?
• 47:01
  You shape your own life. I'm like, excuse me?
• 47:04
  Good. Agree.
• 47:05
  Sure, but it's like when people say I'm a self.
• 47:09
  Absolutely. It's absolutely in your own in
• 47:12
  your own hands. And you know.
• 47:13
  The most annoying was that the ones that say I'm a self mid
• 47:16
  billionaire, that's what I've got.
• 47:19
  To say really So no one gave you a chance, no one gave you an
• 47:23
  opportunity, No one ever helped you out at all along the way.
• 47:27
  Maybe yes, OK, it was your idea. You put forward the grunt work.
• 47:32
  You did majority, but to say that you did absolutely
• 47:36
  everything completely and entirely by yourself, and you
• 47:38
  had absolutely no help. OK, so you were just a magical
• 47:42
  apparition that appeared in the world, and your parents actually
• 47:45
  did nothing for you. Like, you don't exist.
• 47:46
  They don't exist. You like.
• 47:48
  Yeah. In the In the voice of Conor
• 47:50
  McGregor, who the F is the guy? Exactly.
• 47:54
  You're talking rubbish. I, I wish I had an Irish accent
• 47:59
  right now, because the best way to, to address this kind of
• 48:04
  people is an Irish accent. You know, you, you have a dress
• 48:08
  down. The Irish are very, very good at
• 48:11
  attacking people you know and giving you a proper.
• 48:14
  Dress down like what are you saying?
• 48:16
  What are you talking about? You're chatting BS.
• 48:19
  But it's fine. You know the world has enough
• 48:21
  space for everybody. Variety is the spice of life.
• 48:25
  Different strokes of different folks.
• 48:27
  You know you've been privileged to work with high performers,
• 48:31
  right? And what's 1 Betrayal they
• 48:34
  commits, most often against themselves.
• 48:39
  A betrayal that they commit most often against themselves.
• 48:42
  Biggest thing? It's tough to say.
• 48:45
  It's really tough to say because there's no actually, there's
• 48:51
  those three things that come to mind immediately, but they all
• 48:55
  actually stem from one thing. And they trade peaceful
• 48:58
  performance. And by trading peaceful
• 49:03
  performance, that means they break their own boundaries, they
• 49:06
  ignore their own instincts, they sacrifice the alignment to win
• 49:09
  the game. And then at the end of it, they
• 49:11
  wonder why, Why am I feeling so hollow?
• 49:15
  Even though they're winning, right?
• 49:17
  And that they're doing the thing that they said they wanted to do
• 49:20
  and they're achieving the thing they wanted to achieve is empty.
• 49:25
  And so they've abandoned themselves and they betrayed
• 49:29
  themselves in the name of success.
• 49:33
  Sacrifice. So I would go slightly
• 49:36
  different. There is a difference between.
• 49:38
  So I definitely made some sacrifice.
• 49:42
  In three weeks of writing the book, I sat in front of the
• 49:44
  computer for 1415 hours a day. I didn't really do much else.
• 49:49
  The other thing I did was play with my kids, like when in the
• 49:52
  pool, play chilled, spend some time with my missus.
• 49:56
  I also still did my coaching calls.
• 49:57
  Even though I couldn't see the people on the computer screen, I
• 50:00
  still rocked up and did the coaching calls.
• 50:01
  I could click buttons and kind of get online.
• 50:03
  I would say that I in that period made some level of
• 50:08
  sacrifice, though I wouldn't necessarily say in the grand
• 50:15
  scheme of things that I have sacrificed anything.
• 50:19
  So do you think the sacrifice is worth it?
• 50:24
  Do I think that specific sacrifice was worth it?
• 50:26
  Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like, what ended up coming out
• 50:29
  of that was absolutely, like, I'd love it.
• 50:34
  I'm super, super happy what I've managed to come out on the other
• 50:38
  side. I mean, that was a very, very
• 50:40
  visceral deadline for me. And that just put the pedal to
• 50:44
  the metal even more and like, really ramped things up.
• 50:47
  So yeah, yeah, yeah. So.
• 50:49
  So do you know what we just did in directly?
• 50:51
  We just did something in accounting quote a cost benefit
• 50:57
  analysis. So in accounting, in order to
• 51:02
  make a business decision, one of the major simplistic models is
• 51:07
  the form of cost benefit analysis.
• 51:09
  What is the cost to you versus what is the benefit?
• 51:12
  If the cost outweighs the benefit, then the sacrifice is
• 51:15
  not worth it of. Course.
• 51:17
  But if the benefits are weigh the costs, right, that it makes
• 51:21
  sense. So a lot of people chase vanity,
• 51:26
  you know, say revenue is vanity, profit to sanity and cash is
• 51:30
  kink. So a lot of people chase vanity
• 51:35
  metrics. And when you finally achieve
• 51:37
  that vanity metric, there's a whole the cost, the costs
• 51:45
  probably I I'll be the benefit. So I was speaking with somebody
• 51:49
  yesterday and then they were like, oh, would you do this
• 51:53
  project? And I was like, no, I'm not
• 51:55
  interested. And he was like, oh, shoot, make
• 51:58
  this and this and this for me. Then I am not interested.
• 52:01
  Why it's not worth my time? Because the time I'm going to
• 52:05
  put into that is actually no worth what I'm going to benefit
• 52:08
  from it. So thank you.
• 52:12
  That's smart. But a lot of people just see the
• 52:16
  top line. That's the, oh, this is what I
• 52:18
  start to get, Bart, what are you putting in to get that?
• 52:25
  So for me, with regards to the book specifically, because
• 52:28
  that's what you asked about, I could not have told you before
• 52:33
  the operation whether it was worth it or not.
• 52:37
  Because while I wrote the book and while I had people reading
• 52:40
  the book while I was writing and the feedback I got was fantastic
• 52:45
  until it went out into the world and people started reading it
• 52:49
  and they started giving me feedback.
• 52:50
  Like I can say, yeah, I've written a great book all I want.
• 52:55
  At the end of the day, the audience is going to be the
• 52:57
  judge on whether I've written a great book.
• 52:59
  Now I also know. Josh, the jury and the Execution
• 53:03
  of. I I'm also acutely aware that
• 53:10
  there's going to be some miserable, grumpy, disgruntled
• 53:14
  human being that is going to open up the book and going to
• 53:17
  ignore the fact that it says like this is not for the faint
• 53:20
  of heart, that it's raw, it's unfiltered, it's in your face,
• 53:24
  it's confronting. And they're going to go in there
• 53:26
  anyway. They're going to buy the book
• 53:27
  and then they're going to go, Oh yeah, this author is rude.
• 53:31
  He uses profanity. And this is not what I expect
• 53:34
  from a published author. This is disgusting.
• 53:36
  And writing one star. I'm well aware that's going to
• 53:39
  happen at some point. So be it.
• 53:41
  That's fine. So I don't say that it's
• 53:47
  successful because it's being well received.
• 53:52
  I say that it's successful because what I've put in, some
• 53:56
  of the feedback I'm getting, I wrote it so that it would feel
• 54:01
  like I was coaching the person reading it.
• 54:05
  And I have got that feedback multiple times from people who I
• 54:09
  have coached. And so like, OK, so I have
• 54:12
  written like I've achieved my target.
• 54:14
  Does that make sense? It's like.
• 54:16
  You know what you you know what your target is.
• 54:18
  Actually, it's just one word impact.
• 54:21
  Exactly. Oh yeah, massively.
• 54:25
  That's that's exactly what it is to make a dent and help people.
• 54:31
  That's a million percent. As long as you achieve that
• 54:35
  positive impact, you're OK, you're good, you're good.
• 54:39
  You know, let's talk about the nervous system Sure, I'm I'm
• 54:44
  really glad that you are into combat sports.
• 54:48
  You know, what role does the nervous system play in
• 54:52
  sabotaging our decision making? You see, you see that you see
• 54:58
  that happening. You see that happening in.
• 55:00
  Combat sports time and time entire game you.
• 55:04
  Do and you don't, right? This is the thing.
• 55:06
  Because the nervous system can be conditioned so you can
• 55:09
  condition it. And like when you're getting
• 55:10
  punched, like to shift out of combat sports, you look at stunt
• 55:14
  guys, right? Stunt guys are actively falling
• 55:17
  down, smashing their face onto a table.
• 55:20
  Something that you or I, if we were to do, we would like pull
• 55:24
  out last second because we haven't conditioned our nervous
• 55:26
  system that it's OK. We haven't learned the process.
• 55:29
  Likewise for someone that's never done any MA or any
• 55:32
  fighting or any martial art that actually does full contact when
• 55:36
  they was it, everyone's got a plan until they get punched in
• 55:39
  the face. And punched in the face, yeah.
• 55:41
  Right. But until you've been in that,
• 55:43
  you're not going to know. But once you get into that and
• 55:46
  you've gone the rounds and you've done the time, then your
• 55:48
  nervous system starts to respond differently.
• 55:50
  Will it still go into fight or flight?
• 55:52
  Yes. But it's definitely going to go
• 55:54
  more into fight than it is into flight until you're getting
• 55:58
  wailed on. And then it's definitely in
• 55:59
  flight. Like you see the guy running
• 56:01
  away from the other guy chasing him, an MMA ring.
• 56:03
  He's completely in flight. You know, he's like, I'm out
• 56:06
  here, like, this is no place to be, right?
• 56:08
  So you see a very visceral response of it.
• 56:11
  And you also see collapse in a lot of the MMA fights where the
• 56:14
  guy's just like hunkered down in the foetal position, OK, I'm
• 56:17
  just going to hold. I'm just going to hold on.
• 56:18
  I'm not going to move. Like they're completely
• 56:20
  immobilised. They collapse.
• 56:22
  So you see that breadth of it. You also see a lot of the fight.
• 56:29
  The thing is, when your nervous system is in survival mode, your
• 56:34
  decisions are not going to be rational.
• 56:36
  They're purely reactive. And to step out of MMA when that
• 56:42
  happens because it's reactive and because in survival you'll
• 56:47
  latch on to trusting the wrong person just because it's going
• 56:51
  to make you feel more safe, even though you've got screaming like
• 56:55
  no, get away from this is a huge red flag.
• 56:57
  Stop, get out of it. Even though you repeat the same
• 57:00
  cycle over and over and over again because your body is
• 57:05
  trying to resolve the past. It's not assessing the present,
• 57:10
  it's making assessments based on what has happened.
• 57:13
  So there were times when I've worked with people, I'll use a
• 57:16
  specific example because it's very visceral and to the point.
• 57:19
  I worked with a group of women who all came from a similar
• 57:22
  region and it was just abundantly clear because they
• 57:25
  all came to me with a very similar message.
• 57:28
  He only hits me because he loves me.
• 57:31
  When I dug into this, what started to come out was very
• 57:37
  obvious. They had watched their mum get
• 57:41
  pummelling by their husband. I mean pummelling.
• 57:44
  And then she would come up to him, say, it's OK, darling, he
• 57:47
  only does it because he loves me.
• 57:49
  So now this child is getting normalised by the mother.
• 57:53
  Even though the mother's nervous system is getting battered, she
• 57:55
  doesn't want the daughter to be afraid.
• 57:57
  So she thinks she's doing the right thing.
• 57:58
  Well, really, she's actually teaching her, hey, this is OK,
• 58:02
  it's all right to get bashed by your husband.
• 58:04
  This is perfectly normal. So that becomes familiar.
• 58:09
  So the nervous system starts to think that that is safe because
• 58:12
  safety to the nervous system is familiarity.
• 58:15
  It's not necessarily that it is safe.
• 58:17
  It's not necessarily that it's good for you.
• 58:18
  It's just what's familiar and what you're used to and what
• 58:20
  you're conditioned to. Familiarity breeds contempt.
• 58:25
  Oh yeah. Acceptable in that way, shape or
• 58:28
  form. I guess it depends on who you
• 58:32
  ask, man. Like this is the world we live
• 58:34
  in. And there were things that I was
• 58:37
  so naive to before I became a coach.
• 58:40
  And then and when I first became a coach, I'm like, I'm going to
• 58:44
  try and change the world. I'm going to change everyone.
• 58:46
  I'm going to do all these things.
• 58:47
  And then the more I started to learn as a coach and the more
• 58:51
  experienced I started to get, I'm like, no, I'm going to help
• 58:54
  the people that actually want my help and that are ready to
• 58:57
  change because everything else is wasted energy.
• 59:00
  And I'm just, I'm, I'm trying to put into these people.
• 59:02
  And my intention is pure, but I'm also, as they say, I'm
• 59:08
  putting my fish in their pond. Like let me show you, I'm going
• 59:11
  to show you how to do things now.
• 59:12
  Put all my fish in your pond. And then, but they don't want
• 59:15
  that. They're not ready for it.
• 59:17
  It's, it's, it's, it's not doing them any service.
• 59:19
  In fact, it's doing them a disservice.
• 59:22
  So yeah. Can lead the horse to the
• 59:25
  stream. We cannot force it to drink.
• 59:28
  But you know, Speaking of your work, like, how do you help
• 59:32
  people go from dissolutionment to clarity after breach of
• 59:36
  trust? Well, first thing is this.
• 59:39
  Stop making it about the other person.
• 59:42
  Stop saying that you were betrayed.
• 59:44
  Stop saying that they betrayed you.
• 59:47
  The incident happened, but the real work is figuring out where
• 59:52
  you ignored yourself, why you rationalise it, how you abandon
• 59:56
  yourself and how you overrode your own signals in the 1st
• 1:00:00
  place. Because.
• 1:00:02
  Until, and I mean this, until you take full responsibility,
• 1:00:06
  total ownership without blaming yourself, you'll get a sense of
• 1:00:12
  clarity that just lights you up. And then that is where your
• 1:00:15
  power starts to grow from. And a lot of people really get
• 1:00:19
  confused with blame and responsibility.
• 1:00:24
  Like the same thing, Like they're completely different
• 1:00:26
  things. AIM is about finding fault.
• 1:00:30
  Responsibility is about taking ownership and moving forward.
• 1:00:36
  So what do you or are? What do most feel good self help
• 1:00:41
  books right or coaches get completely wrong about healing
• 1:00:46
  and growth? They sell comfort.
• 1:00:51
  They sell for ideas, comforting strategies.
• 1:00:55
  Healing is not a vision board. It's not one of those things
• 1:00:58
  called it's not getting a Tibetan bowls massage with sound
• 1:01:03
  therapy, it is putting a gun to the head of the version of you
• 1:01:10
  that let the bullshit slide in the 1st place and saying it
• 1:01:15
  could. Not be uncomfortable.
• 1:01:17
  Very much so, because it's only by becoming comfortable with
• 1:01:21
  this new unfamiliarity that is way better for you that you can
• 1:01:26
  even move forward in the first place.
• 1:01:29
  It's accountability, not affirmations.
• 1:01:32
  Growth is not about cute. It's not about oh it's nice.
• 1:01:38
  It's not about snuggles and cuddles.
• 1:01:42
  It's disruptive. And disruptive doesn't
• 1:01:45
  necessarily mean painful, but disruptive usually means
• 1:01:49
  uncomfortable, especially from the nervous system standpoint,
• 1:01:55
  because it's unfamiliar. So are you able to walk us
• 1:01:58
  through our client transformation story where
• 1:02:01
  radical responsibility changed everything?
• 1:02:05
  So a good buddy of mine is a long standing friend.
• 1:02:13
  He knew that I was out of the oil and gas and I was doing this
• 1:02:16
  kind of stuff, and he'd seen the transformation I made in myself.
• 1:02:20
  He's like, hey, man, I don't know if you can help me.
• 1:02:22
  I've just found out that my wife cheated on me.
• 1:02:24
  And, like, I want to do everything I can get her back.
• 1:02:28
  All right, OK. Like, that's what you want to
• 1:02:32
  do, Norris. So he flew over the time to come
• 1:02:34
  stay with me for a week. And before we started working, I
• 1:02:38
  said, I'm not going to do anything today.
• 1:02:40
  Take the night to think about this.
• 1:02:42
  I'm asking you one question, and then you tell me.
• 1:02:45
  And the question was very simple.
• 1:02:48
  Do you want me to teach you how to get her back, or do you want
• 1:02:51
  me to help you become the man that she wants to get back with
• 1:02:56
  and that even if she doesn't, you're good to go?
• 1:03:01
  It came back to the next day is like option 2.
• 1:03:03
  Perfect. So we went through this process
• 1:03:07
  about uncovering all the things that he had done that could have
• 1:03:11
  contributed to that. At the same time, let go of all
• 1:03:15
  the attachment to her being the mechanism, the driver for his
• 1:03:19
  happiness, because she applied a lot of shame to him that he had
• 1:03:24
  done all these things wrong and he wasn't there for her.
• 1:03:26
  And he took this away from her. And he did this once he saw the
• 1:03:32
  pattern and once he started to see himself for who he really
• 1:03:35
  was and he took back that ownership, he rebuilt everything
• 1:03:41
  from the ground up. I am actually going to be going
• 1:03:43
  to his wedding in November to his new Mrs who he's super happy
• 1:03:46
  with. He's going to have kids with,
• 1:03:47
  They've got the dog, the whole family, Partridge and a pear
• 1:03:50
  tree white picket fence, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:03:52
  Like he's super happy and check it really, really, really good
• 1:03:57
  for him. Like really good for him.
• 1:03:58
  And you can see in the way hopes, the way he carries
• 1:04:01
  himself, the way he approaches life is just totally different.
• 1:04:04
  He didn't heal, he completely upgraded.
• 1:04:07
  He's a totally different person now.
• 1:04:11
  Interesting stuff. You know, sometimes the people
• 1:04:15
  tend to force marriages to work and tend to see themselves in a
• 1:04:21
  different light that they shouldn't see themselves right,
• 1:04:25
  just in order to satisfy another person.
• 1:04:29
  And I think sometimes our culture, cultural nuances also
• 1:04:33
  contributes to this example in Africa, if you're married to
• 1:04:37
  somebody, a society would view you in a very, very dominant way
• 1:04:42
  if you decide to pull out of that marriage, right.
• 1:04:46
  So you get to see a lot of people putting up a facade, you
• 1:04:52
  know, living in an unhappy marriage and just, you know,
• 1:04:58
  sticking up to it. But I ask her how many years you
• 1:05:02
  want to live, you know, in this life.
• 1:05:05
  Yep, to to live unhappy. So what what what's your take on
• 1:05:09
  people you know that force relationships even when it's not
• 1:05:15
  working out? What?
• 1:05:16
  What's your general advice to people out there all.
• 1:05:21
  Right, so I'm going to circle back to what we talked about
• 1:05:23
  before. Context is king.
• 1:05:25
  So you give me a specific context.
• 1:05:27
  I'll give you a specific answer. In terms of the general advice,
• 1:05:30
  it's really going to depend because it's going to depend on
• 1:05:33
  the person's values. It's going to depend on their
• 1:05:35
  culture, right? As culturally they could be
• 1:05:38
  shunned and shamed for getting a divorce and then they get
• 1:05:40
  disowned by their family and do they really want that?
• 1:05:43
  So there's there's a balance and a mix that comes into these kind
• 1:05:46
  of things and comes into the equation for the most part.
• 1:05:50
  If I had to give general advice because as to be asking for, I
• 1:05:53
  would say it's pretty simple. You could go through a process
• 1:05:57
  of doing something like a cost benefits analysis.
• 1:05:59
  But the thing with cost benefits analysis, when it is not about
• 1:06:03
  figures, it's about emotions, You don't know how it's going to
• 1:06:07
  turn out on the other side until you pull the trigger.
• 1:06:10
  You can't ever know. But what you can do is you can
• 1:06:14
  hypothesise and so you can't go ahead and break it down.
• 1:06:20
  And the biggest thing I would see is are you unhappy because
• 1:06:25
  you're not showing up 100% or are you unhappy because the
• 1:06:30
  other person isn't showing up 100%?
• 1:06:32
  Because to make a relationship work, it's not about I give 50%
• 1:06:36
  and you give 50% and combined we have 100%.
• 1:06:38
  No, I have to give 100% of myself and you have to give 100%
• 1:06:42
  of yourself. And if you're continuing
• 1:06:46
  actually, truly, honestly giving 100% of yourself to relationship
• 1:06:50
  and the other person is not and you believe that, speak to them.
• 1:06:56
  Don't just go ahead and make a decision.
• 1:06:58
  Speak to them. And if they say that they truly
• 1:07:00
  are and they believe they are, then you need to have another
• 1:07:03
  conversation about, OK, what am I expecting from this
• 1:07:06
  relationship? And what are they expecting from
• 1:07:08
  a relationship that's completely mismatched?
• 1:07:12
  Got different words? I like what what you?
• 1:07:14
  Said it feels like you eavesdropped on a conversation
• 1:07:18
  with a Fred who actually did ask me for sub relationship advice.
• 1:07:21
  Recently you are an eavesdropper and I'm good, I'm good.
• 1:07:27
  I'm going to show my stress ball from London, England and it's
• 1:07:30
  going to hit you in Phuket, Thailand.
• 1:07:32
  There you go. You know what is 1 practical
• 1:07:38
  tool that our listeners you know can start using?
• 1:07:41
  Today to calibrate who and what they trust.
• 1:07:47
  Baseline. Learn the baseline people.
• 1:07:50
  And baselining people means paying attention to the words
• 1:07:53
  they use, paying attention to the standard body moves.
• 1:07:56
  And so we're clear if you're very familiar.
• 1:08:01
  So the thing about betrayal is it doesn't come from, it only
• 1:08:04
  comes from people you trust. Because to be betrayed, you have
• 1:08:07
  to trust the person in the 1st place, right?
• 1:08:09
  So you're never going to be betrayed by someone you don't
• 1:08:11
  trust because you didn't trust them.
• 1:08:12
  So they can't betray you. It's kind of expected.
• 1:08:16
  But with that, that means it's going to be people close to you.
• 1:08:19
  And if it's people close to you, then they're going to have
• 1:08:21
  certain behaviours that they routinely show up with and you
• 1:08:25
  will notice trends. And so you will start to notice
• 1:08:27
  the deviation. So if you start to notice a
• 1:08:32
  deviation, say something. So in sales training, right,
• 1:08:38
  they say the best way to not get an objection or to avoid
• 1:08:43
  objections is to not get them. That's the best way.
• 1:08:47
  Be like, what the hell does that mean?
• 1:08:48
  It's very simple when you notice on so I'm talking to you and I
• 1:08:53
  say something and you're like and I do nothing.
• 1:08:57
  I keep blurting out my pitch for the next 15 minutes.
• 1:09:01
  Well, I saw something that was a deviation in your behaviour and
• 1:09:05
  I didn't say something, but I could say something, said Dems.
• 1:09:10
  What's going on there, man? Like can you share it look like
• 1:09:15
  something I'm thinking about did.
• 1:09:17
  You want me to share something so I was just.
• 1:09:22
  Remembering the the the announcement on TfL Transport
• 1:09:25
  for London, it says if you see something that doesn't seem
• 1:09:29
  right, please speak to staff or. Call British Transport Police on
• 1:09:34
  61016, see it say it's sorted. That's the thing.
• 1:09:40
  Like it's, it's that is obviously the whole terrorism
• 1:09:45
  prevention thing, right? This is for your stability and
• 1:09:49
  your sanity and this is what will give you that.
• 1:09:52
  Because I think people are so scared of looking weird or
• 1:10:00
  looking insecure or looking strange or looking like they
• 1:10:04
  care too much. I mean, you can throw a million
• 1:10:06
  reasons and one who's going to be there, but if you actually
• 1:10:10
  want to have quality relationships, you should really
• 1:10:12
  give a shit about the person. And when things seem like
• 1:10:14
  they're going a different way, just say something.
• 1:10:16
  And if they say no, it's nothing, don't worry about it.
• 1:10:19
  But they keep doing it. You're like, look, this is how
• 1:10:22
  you used to show up. You used to do this, this, this,
• 1:10:24
  this. You're now doing this, this,
• 1:10:26
  this, this. Like, is there something I'm
• 1:10:27
  missing? Can you tell me what's going on?
• 1:10:29
  I know I'm not being paranoid because I'm seeing a different
• 1:10:31
  behaviour. And if this is just you've done
• 1:10:33
  some work and you change some things, great.
• 1:10:35
  But I need to have the conversation about it.
• 1:10:40
  But the biggest thing you touched on before, and it's one
• 1:10:43
  of the things that I usually have as a go to always trust the
• 1:10:49
  behaviour. Words can shift and shape at any
• 1:10:54
  point in time and if their words do not match their behaviour
• 1:10:58
  then you know there is something off and it's time to pay
• 1:11:01
  attention. Yeah.
• 1:11:04
  You know, when you have that mismatch between the federal
• 1:11:06
  language and the body language, you know, something is off that.
• 1:11:09
  Yeah. But, you know, with more
• 1:11:11
  experience, you know, in life, you, there are so two ways of,
• 1:11:16
  you know, asking proven questions in an indirect way
• 1:11:21
  that would, you know, elicit the responses that typically people
• 1:11:29
  would want to hide A cover. Yeah.
• 1:11:34
  So they ask you for ways, you know, and like you said, a
• 1:11:37
  practise, practise, practise, practise and learning, you know,
• 1:11:41
  Yeah. Learning new skills.
• 1:11:43
  Yeah. Over time.
• 1:11:45
  Well, so how does someone stop outsourcing their sanity, their
• 1:11:49
  sanity, and finally own their outcomes without spiralling into
• 1:11:54
  self blame? Simple responsibility isn't
• 1:11:59
  blame, it's your leverage point. Simple as that.
• 1:12:03
  If you can get to the point and understanding in your belief
• 1:12:06
  systems, in your mindset, right, Nicole?
• 1:12:08
  Beliefs, right? That you're not the villain,
• 1:12:12
  that you're the solution. And that when you stop waiting
• 1:12:17
  foreclosure, when you stop waiting for apologies, for
• 1:12:20
  someone else to validate your pain and you own your part, not
• 1:12:26
  to punish yourself, but to position yourself, you step into
• 1:12:30
  this powerful mechanism. You take that control of the car
• 1:12:34
  you're now driving down, you know, in the passionate seat
• 1:12:36
  with some psychopaths driving. And you're like, I've got
• 1:12:39
  nothing. I've got no control.
• 1:12:41
  And that's what radical responsibility does.
• 1:12:43
  Radical responsibility kicks them out the car.
• 1:12:46
  You're now in the car and you can take the will.
• 1:12:49
  You can control again. How about what?
• 1:12:53
  If you're on cruise control. Then you just touch the brakes
• 1:12:58
  because it turns it off. That was, that was one of my
• 1:13:01
  favourite functions of my Mercedes, you know, cruise
• 1:13:04
  control, various. Well, you know, you're talking
• 1:13:06
  about apologies. Right.
• 1:13:07
  I did interview a good friend of mine.
• 1:13:11
  She's a beauty, Zimbabwe and Maura Apache.
• 1:13:14
  She bought the book my capsules. And one of the major things in
• 1:13:19
  that book is accepting the apology you never received.
• 1:13:24
  Right, you know you need to accept the apologies that you
• 1:13:27
  never received in life here. It does help your mental health.
• 1:13:33
  I think. I do you one better.
• 1:13:38
  Give yourself the apology you never gave yourself.
• 1:13:42
  I'll communicate this one to her.
• 1:13:44
  So a lot of the time people are carrying a lot of guilt about
• 1:13:50
  what they did and the guilt is internally driven and and they
• 1:13:57
  blame themselves for not making the right decision way back
• 1:14:01
  when. And they should have done this
• 1:14:04
  and they should have done no, man.
• 1:14:05
  You made the decisions based on what you had and the resource
• 1:14:07
  you had at that time. You couldn't have made another
• 1:14:09
  decision that was a context that would prove yourself that
• 1:14:12
  decision you made. And they hold a gun to
• 1:14:15
  themselves back then. Not in a good way.
• 1:14:18
  Like it's your fault, man. Like it's your fault.
• 1:14:21
  You put me in this position and people talk about the power of
• 1:14:26
  forgiveness and they think that forgiveness is like, oh, and
• 1:14:31
  giving this permit person permission to do it again.
• 1:14:33
  No, you're giving yourself permission.
• 1:14:36
  Be free of the pain of putting up with whatever the other
• 1:14:39
  person did to you. You're not giving permission to
• 1:14:41
  do it again. But most people talk about
• 1:14:43
  forgivenesses in other people and rarely do people ever talk
• 1:14:47
  about forgiving themselves. And that's a huge let down and
• 1:14:51
  it's a massive disservice to yourself.
• 1:14:53
  So what does it truly mean to trust everyone without getting
• 1:14:57
  burnt and why does it work? It means you don't need to
• 1:15:02
  protect yourself from people because you realise
• 1:15:06
  fundamentally, let's say over 90% of the population, so
• 1:15:10
  excluding psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists,
• 1:15:14
  people do not wake up in the morning.
• 1:15:15
  Go. You know what?
• 1:15:17
  I'm going to figure out how to screw Dems over today.
• 1:15:19
  That that's fine. That's my, that's my role for
• 1:15:23
  today. I'm going to go ahead and do
• 1:15:24
  that. I'm doubting.
• 1:15:26
  I'm good to go. People don't.
• 1:15:28
  Do that every evil weapon flashed against me shall not
• 1:15:30
  prosper. There are some people, man, I
• 1:15:33
  promise you that. They're so concerned about what
• 1:15:36
  other people think of themselves.
• 1:15:38
  They don't realise that 9% of the population is just as
• 1:15:41
  concerned about what other people think about themselves.
• 1:15:45
  Like no one's paying attention to you that much because they
• 1:15:48
  sorting out their own drama. So they get stuck, right?
• 1:15:52
  And so when you train yourself to pay attention in the moment
• 1:15:57
  to what's going on, to recognise the patterns, how people are
• 1:16:00
  showing up and it's deviating from what happened before, as
• 1:16:04
  you calibrate to these patterns, you start to disconnect from
• 1:16:09
  calibrating to personality. And so you can start to trust
• 1:16:14
  what you can actually see. That means you can act fast.
• 1:16:17
  That means you can trust exactly everyone to be exactly who they
• 1:16:22
  are, not who you hope they'll be based on who they were when they
• 1:16:26
  showed up before. And that keeps you present.
• 1:16:31
  And because you're now present with what's going on, you don't
• 1:16:33
  get that. Interesting.
• 1:16:36
  It's been it's been quite a deep dive today and what a time to
• 1:16:44
  wrap up. But I will wrap up with five
• 1:16:48
  quick fire round questions before we hit the road on the
• 1:16:52
  quick fire round. How can people get your book so
• 1:16:56
  that we can add that to the description of a podcast?
• 1:16:59
  So guys, wherever you get your podcast, YouTube, Rumble, Apple
• 1:17:04
  podcast, Spotify, Amazon, wherever, just check the
• 1:17:09
  description below and you will see what Clay is about to give
• 1:17:14
  to you. So the easiest place to go is
• 1:17:18
  trust trapbook.com. I could give a long winded thing
• 1:17:22
  for the Amazon link, but it's just easier.
• 1:17:24
  Just go to the website. If you click there, get the
• 1:17:26
  book. It's going to take you straight
• 1:17:28
  to Amazon. You can get the book.
• 1:17:29
  You'll find out more about me, about the story, everything like
• 1:17:31
  that. But that's all the website is
• 1:17:33
  designed to do is to show a central point so that you can
• 1:17:36
  get the book if you want. OK, fantastic.
• 1:17:39
  So yeah, I I will put that website in the description
• 1:17:42
  below. So guys, go check it out and go
• 1:17:44
  grab your copy now so quick. Fire round.
• 1:17:48
  Let's wrap up with Rapid Fire section.
• 1:17:52
  See what first comes to your mind.
• 1:17:55
  Yeah, DOB. OK, number one book that changed
• 1:17:58
  your life. Matt Riley Temple It's a fiction
• 1:18:02
  book. Interesting.
• 1:18:04
  Two biggest slide people tell themselves about trust.
• 1:18:08
  It's just bad luck. I'm just an unlucky person,
• 1:18:11
  that's why it keeps happening to me.
• 1:18:13
  No, you have shit pattern recognition skills.
• 1:18:19
  Party recognition 0. Exactly.
• 1:18:24
  One habit that changed everything for you.
• 1:18:28
  Radical acceptance, absolutely, without any doubt, radically
• 1:18:34
  accepting responsibility for everything not.
• 1:18:37
  And what I mean by that is like, doesn't mean like I'm
• 1:18:39
  responsible for everything. If someone throws a ball at me
• 1:18:42
  and smacks me in the head, I'm not responsible for him throwing
• 1:18:44
  the ball right. You're responsible for me.
• 1:18:50
  Try this one. But I am responsible for like,
• 1:18:53
  OK, I put myself in this pitch and I put it there.
• 1:18:56
  And by taking ownership of whatever it is that I'm
• 1:18:59
  contributing to that situation, that then allows me to move
• 1:19:04
  forward. No pretending I didn't see
• 1:19:06
  things. No pretending I am ignoring
• 1:19:08
  things like taking it on. Oh.
• 1:19:11
  Wow, so let's see. So the red flag that you can
• 1:19:16
  spot instantly. Just incongruent when the words
• 1:19:23
  do not match the behaviour, when the body language is out of sync
• 1:19:26
  with the words, it becomes very obvious very quickly that
• 1:19:32
  there's something amiss. And like I said, the red flag
• 1:19:36
  does not mean that they're trying to screw me over.
• 1:19:39
  The red flag is an indicator that just says pay attention.
• 1:19:43
  That's it. Pay attention.
• 1:19:45
  I did not pay attention, but attention paid me about that Lil
• 1:19:49
  Wayne. There you go.
• 1:19:54
  OK, complete. Complete the sentence.
• 1:19:56
  Radical responsibility is dash. The end of your excuses and the
• 1:20:01
  start of your freedom. And Speaking of the end, this is
• 1:20:04
  the end of the podcast, guys. Go.
• 1:20:07
  Like, share, subscribe, you know, support the great work
• 1:20:11
  that we are doing. And of course, you know, I'll
• 1:20:15
  keep working tirelessly to bring, you know, people from the
• 1:20:18
  end of the. World from the world down under
• 1:20:21
  and from all around the world you know to give you.
• 1:20:24
  Resourceful education, Inspiration, motivation even to
• 1:20:30
  buy your nation you know. Any anything that has with
• 1:20:34
  Ashan, you don't have an. Option just like and share so
• 1:20:39
  that we can keep growing and of course, congratulations to us on
• 1:20:42
  10K subscribers on YouTube. The only way he's up.
• 1:20:46
  So Clay, do you have a, a word of encouragement for the
• 1:20:50
  audience or a shout out to anybody before you leave?
• 1:20:53
  And please help me back them. Help me back them to go and
• 1:20:56
  subscribe as well. First of all, 10,000 subscribers
• 1:20:59
  manage a huge achievement, so you should thank yourself, give
• 1:21:01
  yourself a pat on the back. That's awesome.
• 1:21:03
  Thank you very much. With regards to your listeners,
• 1:21:07
  the best thing I can say is while it can be one of the
• 1:21:13
  scariest things to do, to face yourself, confront yourself and
• 1:21:17
  look in that mirror, it's also the single most liberating
• 1:21:20
  experience that you'll ever experience when you start down
• 1:21:23
  the path. And a lot of people say it's if
• 1:21:30
  you think it's too late, it's not.
• 1:21:32
  I disagree. If you think it's too late, then
• 1:21:36
  your belief system is telling you that it's too late.
• 1:21:37
  So it is. What I'll tell you is that it
• 1:21:40
  isn't too late, and if you think it's too late, you are wrong.
• 1:21:45
  It is never too late to change the trajectory of your wife.
• 1:21:48
  Think I'll just add it's better late than never.
• 1:21:51
  Maybe maybe that is more encouraging because bro, I'm
• 1:21:57
  from Nigeria, right? And that's hopeful called
• 1:22:00
  Nigerian time. We always go to every event late
• 1:22:07
  and we encourage ourselves. He's better late than never.
• 1:22:10
  That's the point, right? So you, as a byproduct, don't
• 1:22:14
  ever think it's too late. Which means you'll start.
• 1:22:18
  Yeah, but some people will be thinking it's too late.
• 1:22:22
  Oh, this has already happened. I can't.
• 1:22:23
  So they're already in crap. There's there's no something
• 1:22:27
  that's too late for a Nigerian. You know we are playing a
• 1:22:30
  Nigerian time. Bro, you know, some, we say
• 1:22:34
  Nigeria, they carry last, meaning Nigerians don't ever
• 1:22:36
  come last. You know, in any competition, we
• 1:22:39
  might not be the first, but we'll never come last, you know?
• 1:22:43
  Whoa, whoa. Thank you very, very much for
• 1:22:46
  your time today. You know, I always say that
• 1:22:48
  gratitude is good attitude and anytime a person shares their
• 1:22:51
  time with you, they share their life with you.
• 1:22:53
  So thank you for sharing your time and your life with us on
• 1:22:57
  the broadcast today. God bless you and wishing you
• 1:23:01
  the very, very best. And of course, global impact,
• 1:23:05
  global influence and anything you wish for yourself.
• 1:23:09
  My regards to the missus and the kids.
• 1:23:12
  You know, you guys enjoy the world down under.
• 1:23:15
  For me it is Whoa. You owe me.
• 1:23:21
  You owe me something. You owe me a prediction.
• 1:23:24
  I'm going to catch it on the other side.
• 1:23:25
  Bye, guys.