Latest / Millennial Mustard Seed / S4 106. I AM Exposing my Heart, Spilling the Beans

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S4 106. I AM Exposing my Heart, Spilling the Beans · Millennial Mustard Seed

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Welcome back to the Millennial Mustard Seed Podcast ministry.
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I am happy that you guys are tuning in for this shorter
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episode that's going to be a little bit different because
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it's just me here talking and I think that's pretty cool.
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I've spent years interviewing and researching and studying the
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Bible and being led by the Spirit, and let's just say the
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journey is just beginning in many ways.
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Now I want to take some time to share some humility and some
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recommendations that I have because I did mention on a
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previous podcast update episode that I'd recommend a few
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ministries. But first, I want to start off
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with the humility. You see, what God has been doing
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in my life is very hard for me to put words to.
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Most of the time I have an emotional chart that goes up and
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down like we all do, right when we go through stuff, when we're
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going through the mist or the fog or we're going through fire,
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we're going through these challenges where things on the
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outside do not look good. But we got to remember what the
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word says. And This is why I want you guys
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to be reading and studying the Bible for yourselves.
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Because faith is the substance of things hoped for is the
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evidence of what is not seen, and faith comes by hearing the
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word of God. That's why we need to be in the
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Bible. It's OK to discuss some of these
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fringe and strange topics. I think that God is working in a
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mysterious way and the ripple effect definitely goes out from
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there. But that's not the end all, be
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all. The reason I say we're just
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getting started in so many ways is because this is the
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millennial mustard seed ministry at this point in time.
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I still call it a podcast from time to time, but really what
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God has given me and what God is doing here and what's being
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captured is to send out the wave, To send out the example of
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what God can do with something that is nothing.
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My humility is great. I literally did not have great
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training in any area of life. I was blowing in the wind when I
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lived in the world, broken, rejected, stabbed in the back.
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I've been betrayed. I mean, everything that's
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terrible has happened to me at some point in time in my life.
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I've literally learned to live with barely nothing.
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I've lived in a hallway, I've been in a jail cell, and I've
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lived in mansions and every place in between.
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And there's one thing that I would not change and that is
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having a relationship with Yeshua Ha Mashiach.
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You see, Jesus is the way the truth and the life in this world
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is fighting for our minds, fighting for our attention.
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But the Bible says that a broken and a contrite spirit the Lord
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has not rejected. So I wanted to be a little bit
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more transparent with you guys and just talk, you know, really,
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I don't have an agenda in the sense of like I want to get this
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information across other than some updated information
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regarding ministries that I would recommend that I believe
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are healthy for your mind. That is a safe place.
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Do they have everything 100% right?
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No, I don't think anybody does. So let's get this one off the
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table. I've been saying this for years.
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Everybody has a little something wrong and everybody has a little
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something right. I have not met a ministry or a
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man or a woman of God or anybody that I've agreed with every
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single thing that they've said, And that's totally cool.
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We're not here to just, like, nod our heads and agree with
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everything. There's one truth, one Spirit 1,
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baptism, diversity, a gift. So the way people maneuver
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sometimes is going to look different than the way we might
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personally want to maneuver. And the fact is, is that God
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will allow people to grow at certain rates where it may look
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starkly different than what you're used to seeing.
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But you got to check the fruit, You got to check the humility
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you have to see. Are they growing?
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Are they planting seeds? Do they stand on the truth above
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everything else? What your perspectives are, what
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your ideas about how it should look?
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That stuff comes off the table because God is a mystery worker
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that unfolds in real time when we have a relationship with
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them. So we can look at other
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ministries and go, wow, they don't do what I do.
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They don't talk about what I talk about.
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But God is moving there, You see, we have to be able to see
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in the spirit, not with our physical eyes.
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Just like faith, we believe and we walk by faith, not by sight.
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So when we're checking the fruit of the body, when we're
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encountering other people, as things grow and as we get
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involved with different ministries and we start
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partnering with different people, I am looking in the
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spirit. I'm not looking at their resume.
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I'm not. I mean, there's so many things
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that could sidetrack us based upon what God wants us to see,
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which is the heart to love these people, to plant a seed where
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seed needs to be planted, to water one where one needs to be
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watered and to get sharpened. Because if we're aligning with
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the real men and women of God, we're going to get sharpened
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just like we're sharpening them. That's the bottom, bottom
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standard in my opinion. This is not a head knowledge
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game. This is not a how many doctors
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do I know? How big are my podcast numbers?
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That's foolish to me. If you guys are doing these
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things the wrong way, I'm just going to say it right now.
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If you guys are trying to cheat the system and you want to buy
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followers, I don't agree with that.
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If you guys think that big download numbers are what makes
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the difference on if you're going to be successful in this
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game, I will watch the chips fall where they may.
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Because there's one way that this is going to work and that's
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the humility and following the truth.
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So I don't care if your big number, little number, I will
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collab with somebody if I feel like God is using them and has a
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vision that that they understand and that is unfolding real time.
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Because that means they have a relationship, they're in
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communion with the one who is responsible for the faith
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journey, the author and the finisher of our faith.
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So I had to get a couple things off my chest in that way.
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The next thing is when it comes to my story man, I have been
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broken and and rejected and still in so many ways AM.
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But I really don't focus on that.
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That's why I don't talk about it too much.
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Because the word also says that the the abundance of the heart,
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what we store up in our heart is going to flow out of our mouths.
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So I am looking for unity, but I have been rejected and and
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ripped apart by most people. I am looking to love most
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people. Although I have been disgraced
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by most people, I have been thrown to the wayside.
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I am looking to connect with anybody who's in Christ.
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Although the connections have been severed and cut off because
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of gossip and people that have talked about me behind my back
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and stabbed me in the back, I have stored up in my heart what
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I believe God would approve of, and that is being an example.
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I wrote that poem Bodies and I shared that a couple episodes
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ago with Carly, which was unlike my character normally to share
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my poetry on air. But since the book is getting
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released here quite soon and I believe God is breathing on it
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and anointing it to go out and do something amazing for those
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who are going to understand what's happening in these
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writings that God gave me. The reason I have brought that
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up is because I followed this spirit and the body of Christ.
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We have beaten and brutalized each other.
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We have run rough shot on each other.
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A lot of the times people want to blame the devil, they want to
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blame the fallen angels, demoniac, all these different
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things. But sometimes we have to use the
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very word on ourself and say how am I looking at this?
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How am I actually being an example of what I believe versus
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can feeding this fire that I complain about, how the heat of
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it, like we need to get out of that mindset.
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So what I'd really like to do and accomplish in these moments
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here with you guys is transparency.
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How God is using me, how he's changing things, the shift that
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is taking place and the shift that is coming because God is
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doing a new thing. And it's not going to be about
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how well I speak or questions I ask or how many connections I
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got. I believe God is going to
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breathe on and grow what the things that honor him and
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everything else is slowly going to fade away.
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So I want to check my heart, but I also need to be willing and
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humble enough to do that where you guys can see the process,
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vulnerability, there you go. So with all the pain that I have
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held all of my life, it's been unleashing in stages where I've
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been noticing quiet time with the Lord or prayer.
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We're getting pricked in the spirit, the thorn in the flesh
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at times, the trials, the struggles, the situations I'm
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currently in have faced in the past.
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But I've seen God's goodness, and it's almost like layers of
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trauma get unleashed as we trust him where it seems like there's
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no way because God is faithful, you know, for his name's sake,
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he's going to do new things and he's going to cover chasms that
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we couldn't imagine. And I believe that there's one
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way that we're going to be able to come correct before him when
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the breakthrough comes. So I'm, I'm speaking this ahead
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of time because I'm already in this position.
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I've postured my heart to already be in this position,
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which is I will give God the glory when the breakthrough
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comes. I will posture my heart to
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worship and to praise, to press through.
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When nobody else shows up, I'm showing up.
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I'm not going to fold. I will worship and dance and
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praise the Lord when everything else is falling apart around me
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because that is prophetic. That's prophetic where if you
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learn to position your heart to trust God, now, this is not like
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podcasting tip. This is, this is real life, you
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guys, If you're really a Christian, if you're listening
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to this because God has brought you here and this podcast has
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been helping you guys, this ministry is now morphing into
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something so much more than I ever could have imagined.
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It is literally becoming what God's calling is for my life.
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There's a heavenly scroll. There's heaven coming down.
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There's an interaction, right? Our Father who art in heaven,
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honor and glory to your name, your Kingdom come and your will
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be done here on this earth as it is in heaven.
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That's the red letters. So if you got a problem with
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that, if you got checked in your spirit because you're like, oh,
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Rod is trying to correct all these things, make these things
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better. And no, I'm trying to be an
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example. And that's what I believe.
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I'm holding on to that, Marcus Rodgers from Firehouse Ministry
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prophetically said years ago. If you build it in this season,
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God will bless it. I heard it late in the season,
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but I came across this video and I trusted and it was right
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around the time when I was listening to Canary Cry radio.
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So I've testified with Canary Cry about how hearing what those
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guys were doing actually gave me a license to open up my mind
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with all those things swirling around.
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The thoughts, the ideas, the prayers, being challenged, not
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having a safe place, I felt like at the time to be able to
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express my questions and my experiences, which led to the
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podcast. But a part of the store you guys
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didn't know was Marcus Rodgers from Firehouse Ministries, from
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listening to the video where I came across it.
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And he was saying if you build it in this season, God will
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bless it. And I believe when I read the
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scripture that says trust the prophets and prosper, because
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I've looked at Marcus's life from a far distance.
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I've never talked with him or met him, but I've seen God work
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in him and I'm a broken man too. And his humbleness and
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transparency literally showed me like, yo, I am broken and I need
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to be transparent and I need to trust God through the storm.
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So there's my first ministry. Shout out for someone.
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I recommend you guys check out Marcus Rodgers at Firehouse
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Ministry. He does music.
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If you're into like rap music, they're doing a gospel album.
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But he is a mighty man of God. We all are going to have flaws.
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Here's one more thing I'm going to say again, I'm going to
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reiterate, I'm going to drive this one home.
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We all have a little something wrong and we all have a little
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something right because we operate in the flesh, the mind
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of the Spirit. If we take on the mind of
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Christ, if we're operating in the Spirit, we're going to get
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things right. But that doesn't happen all the
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time. Sometimes we have drawbacks,
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sometimes it's a little bit shaky.
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We're learning through the process, and that's what I'm
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hoping I've captured as well here on this millennial mustard
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seed ministry. This M3, if I can say it like
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that, which is kind of funny, but really, we got to be real
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with each other and we got to stop pointing a finger and we
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got to make sure love is what's concreting us together.
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Now when it comes to getting into the weird stuff, a lot of
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the rejection and abandonment that I felt in the spirit and in
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my life and through this process was because of having dreams or
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visions or encounters of different kinds and being a
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magnet for people wanting to tell me their supernatural
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encounters but getting rejected at the four walls.
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That's why I'm going to recommend Dan Devall's ministry,
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because he's going into places that most people don't know
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exist. He's kind of leading the way and
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being a beacon of light and saying, you know what, I'm going
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to go here now. People don't agree with him.
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He's controversial, just like people don't agree with Marcus.
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But I'm not here to pick sides. I'm not here to agree with
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whoever this person's preferences.
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If people don't want to work with me because of the things I
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said, totally cool. I'm good with it because I
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believe God will breathe on it and God will grow it.
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If God is pleased with it, Everything else does not matter.
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At the end of the day, I literally do not have like a
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starstruck interview at this point in time.
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You know, 100 plus episodes in on this show.
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I think I did like 30 episodes on the other show.
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I got a couple in the backroom that I haven't released yet.
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So 150 episodes. Let's just say I've gotten to
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the point where I know what the mission is.
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I know what my calling is. I'm not starstruck by any
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interview. I don't care if it goes to the
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height of Hollywood or if it goes to the the lowest and
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poorest person in India or Africa.
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I'm going to give you guys love, respect and treat you the way
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that you deserve to be treated because you were an image bearer
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of the Most High God, and that's the minimum requirement.
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This whole entire gossip and pointing fingers at each other
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and talking about each other. That stuff's got to end.
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And especially when we see the fruit with what Dan is doing at
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Bride Ministries, you can see the fruit.
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They're buying buildings, They got land there.
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They're working on projects there by love.
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They're helping people. So stop pointing out what people
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are doing wrong. And we need to start looking at
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what people are doing right, which is another one of these,
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you know, big propellers here on the mustard.
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See. Because I really want to
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highlight what people are doing right because I believe God is a
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corrector of those who are doing wrong.
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If you are in the fold, if you belong to the The Most High God,
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he's going to correct you. God corrects his own.
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So let him do the correction. But let's encourage, let's
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capture what we're doing right amongst each other and let's be
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transparent. Now, the rejection that came
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from diving into the supernatural stuff, At times it
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was really mild, but other times I'm.
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I'm sensitive in the spirit, so I could feel things in the
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spirit even before people would tell them to me.
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I already knew what was happening.
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I I've had weird things where I've had dreams and it's
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happened exactly like what I've seen, but I'm sensitive in the
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spirit. So I knew that there was a
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rejection of the position God was calling me to years before I
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ever started to fully walk it out.
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And that's why I wanted to push so hard.
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That's why I did not let off the gas.
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Even in the midst of trauma and losing almost everything and all
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the stuff that I've been through, I have not let off the
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gas because I believe God is faithful and I believe the
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supernatural stuff has been overlooked in the body.
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People have these experiences. They need to get it off their
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chest. They also need to look through a
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biblical filter. Because as we get into the word
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of God, as we have a biblical filter as we're reading for to
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be edified, to be corrected, to be trained for doctrine for all
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these purposes. The life giving the light,
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giving words that are in the book of truth that is going to
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help us compartmentalize these ideas and go, you know what?
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I'm not so much different. I felt weird and rejected
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because I didn't have a place to actually marinate in these
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thoughts. I didn't actually have a place
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to come to and go. You know what?
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God, because the the church you may have been going to at the
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time. They may have rejected the
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spiritual stuff. They may have told you the gifts
16:22
were dead. They may have told you not to
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read the Bible yourself. They may have told you all these
16:25
different things, right? You're not qualified.
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You didn't go to school. Whatever you don't, you don't
16:29
have a seminary certificate. So you can't actually understand
16:33
what's going on here in the Bible.
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I believe God wants to bring healing, and in the supernatural
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realm, a lot of the healing takes place from just being able
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to tell your story by being like, you know what?
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You don't think I'm crazy. I can talk to you about this.
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There's healing that comes in that that unlocks people you see
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because what God is going to do is going to go over the heads of
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the religious people. They're not going to get it.
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They're not going to be able to wrap their heads around what God
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is doing. That's why God is using these
16:59
choice overlooked and broken vessels to be like I'm going to
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confound the the systems of the wise.
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I'm going to put this person here and I'm going to have them
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planning these seeds and doing this style of ministry and it's
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going to look different. It's going to be an off put to
17:13
most people. But I'm telling you, we got to
17:16
be praying about this stuff and we have to see where people are
17:19
at now. One of the coolest things about
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my broken journey is God is now assembling me with other people
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that have been rejected and broken that have a like mind.
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This is not just a podcast, this is a ministry.
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Now we're doing men's prayer calls.
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We are travelling and meeting with people and doing prayer
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like the Book of Acts. Literally just back to prayer in
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the houses. That's why I know God is doing
17:43
something different. Because Rodney couldn't
17:45
orchestrate this. I couldn't figure that out.
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I have been stumbling along pretty well in in this way where
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I've been trusting God in the midst of all of this opposition,
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in the midst of all of these challenges, fighting darkness in
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the middle of the night. Yeah, I've been there and still
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deal with that. It's not this comfy cool little
18:04
Rd. where I just sit behind a microphone and play some cool
18:06
episodes for you guys. You guys don't always see behind
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the scenes. You guys don't see the tears.
18:12
You guys don't see the heartbreak.
18:13
You guys don't see the drive. You guys don't see what I go
18:17
through. Because I love the truth.
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And I believe that this is going to reach other people out there
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that love the truth too. And now we can assemble the
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Ekklesia, the Ecclesia. Now we can start to come
18:33
together and like there you are. I see you.
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Now I got connected. I know that's a man of God
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because he talks with the power and authority.
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That's not his own. It is God who works in and
18:43
through us to cause his will to come about.
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And we need to be putting ourselves in vulnerable
18:47
positions. We need to be putting ourselves
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out there so that we can understand that God is doing
18:52
something different. There is no new gospel.
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The gospel message is the same. The application of it is looking
19:00
a bit different. And if that scares you, you know
19:03
what? Pray about it.
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Actually go and say, God, are you calling me to some place
19:08
where I'm. I feel the fear and I feel like
19:10
I don't know if I want to walk there?
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Because have you been religiously programmed to be in
19:16
a place of rejection of anything that doesn't fall in line with
19:19
the seminary of whoever your pastor is at the four walls that
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you've been going to for 20 years, You've been programmed to
19:24
think 1 certain way. And I'm not trying to beat up on
19:28
churches. We are the body.
19:30
We are the actual church, us. If you believe this, if you're
19:33
listening to this, if you want to pray for me, please do so
19:36
because the attacks are horrific.
19:38
The calling to go deeper in the midst of adversity is out of
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this world. Like I am going through battle
19:44
and warfare and being challenged in ways that I have never been
19:48
before. But I believe that God is
19:50
faithful and I believe that he is going to breakthrough.
19:53
He's going to crack the sky of this dark, this gross darkness,
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and he's going to literally say arise and shine, right?
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Here, here's this body of people who got it right.
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They came in humility. They testified, their shared,
20:07
their shared, their testimony, no matter what came against
20:10
them. They did not negate the blood of
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Christ. All the the weapons of the
20:15
argument were nil. They all fell and and broke down
20:18
at the side. They were the wayside destructed
20:22
pieces of the operation of the enemy.
20:24
Because a man and woman of God has armor they can put on.
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So when that armor stands, oh Lord, I can't even finish this
20:32
one. When that armor stays on us
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because we put that armor on daily, God is going to raise us
20:37
up when we're humble, when we trust in His process, when we
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cling to His word. And this message is for me just
20:45
as much as it is for you guys. I've never really got on here
20:48
vented and talked like this all these years.
20:51
But believe me, anybody who ministers with me and knows me,
20:54
these conversations happen on the daily.
20:55
This kind of ministry happens on the daily.
20:58
But the the the podcast started out as something where it was a
21:01
safe place to dive into these questions and topics and to
21:04
capture the faith journey. You know, the actual hero's
21:07
journey, the original hero's journey starts as an individual.
21:10
It's not to monetize it and make money on it.
21:12
It's actually going through the process and understanding that
21:16
God is moving and and waves of anointing are coming in ways
21:19
that are not familiar with the body in in times past.
21:24
So that's why you guys are invited on to this journey with
21:28
me. This is why I dive into the
21:30
stuff I dive into because the testimonies are coming forth,
21:33
people are testifying, Yes, God is moving.
21:35
God is unlocking my mind in this way.
21:38
I have experienced something now that challenges me to go against
21:41
the narrative of a restricted idea in the building and now go
21:46
to the word itself. Because the building may not be
21:48
giving you everything that you feel the tugging on or that
21:52
you're seeing happening, and you're not going crazy.
21:56
You are not. The battle of the mind is real.
21:59
That's why we take on the mind of Christ.
22:01
And this is my way of just sharing some vulnerability,
22:04
letting you guys know. You know what, I am broken.
22:06
At times. I have questioned everything at
22:08
times. I've wanted to give up so many
22:10
times. But God is faithful and God
22:13
keeps calling me to deeper waters.
22:15
So I'm just going to ask you guys to lift me up in prayer.
22:18
And really, I don't have any other ministry recommendations.
22:23
I mean, this ministry, right? You start your own ministry if
22:25
you're if you understand everything I've said on this
22:28
episode and you do not have a place locally that facilitates
22:32
the freedom of the spirit worshipping in truth the
22:34
unrestricted narrative of what God says in his word.
22:38
Not a not a predictive season of churchgoership.
22:45
But I don't even know if I'm saying this right.
22:46
It sounds crazy, but you know how sometimes you can go to
22:48
church and depending on what time of year you go, you know
22:51
exactly what they're going to preach on.
22:53
You just get this New Testament lofty everything is going to be
22:55
OK. Smile, just speak life.
22:57
And if they don't dive into nothing else, that that's not
23:00
the height of this, you guys. Now, some of you may be there,
23:03
and I'm not telling you to run tail out the other door and to
23:06
reject them or to judge them. But I'm just saying, if you
23:09
can't find what God is calling you to, you may be called to
23:13
create it yourself by His power and by His plan for your life.
23:17
And if nobody else told you that, you heard it here with me.
23:21
So if God's telling you to write a book, do it.
23:23
If God is telling you to start a podcast because you actually
23:27
want to dive into the truth, you're not looking to just make
23:29
money or get famous, but you actually want to wrestle through
23:32
this stuff. You got to count the cost before
23:35
you do this kind of stuff. I did.
23:39
I counted the cost. And I'm still going, Lord, if
23:41
you ain't with me, I ain't making it one more day in this.
23:45
If God is calling you to start a local church gathering in your
23:49
house, just invite a couple people over and just love on
23:52
people and see what happens. Go there, ask the questions,
23:55
dive into the stuff and just just be what God is calling you
24:00
to be. I want to encourage you guys to
24:02
do that. And I want to help you in
24:04
whatever way I can. If I can help, if you're local
24:09
enough to me, I will travel and come preach there.
24:11
I will come and show up and sharpen with you guys.
24:14
I will come and show up and sit there and cry with you guys and
24:16
pray with you guys. If you're too far away.
24:18
Don't request me to come because I don't have the budget right
24:21
now. But I believe if it's God's will
24:22
for that to happen, he's going to make a way.
24:24
But I want to say if you guys are feeling shaky in the process
24:27
of starting what God is calling you to just take a step of faith
24:30
and you will find support along the way.
24:32
You will find brothers and sisters in the body that are
24:35
like minded, that will understand what God is calling
24:38
you to do. You see there are seasons where
24:40
we go through the desert and we're alone.
24:42
But that's not the end all, be all.
24:47
So this is just me sharing my heart, spilling the beans,
24:51
whatever you want to call it, the behind the scenes stuff.
24:54
This is the way my mind works. I am flowing out of the heart
24:56
what has been stored up, and I believe God is doing and getting
25:01
ready to, to make breakthroughs come to pass.
25:03
I'm standing on the edge of the Cliff and I'm looking up and I'm
25:07
saying, God, I know you called me here.
25:09
God, I know you have a plan for my life.
25:12
God, I know you've equipped me with these certain things.
25:15
The calling is much greater than my gifting is Lord God, but I'm
25:18
dependent on you to fill the gap.
25:23
And I wanted you guys to see that.
25:24
I wanted it to be real to you through this audio recording.
25:28
That's why I'm doing this for myself and for you, whoever you
25:32
are out there listening. So that's really all I got for
25:36
for this rant, for this spilling the beans for me, sharing my
25:40
heart with you guys. Vulnerability is a weapon and
25:43
and guess what? Love is a weapon that most
25:45
people never see coming. And sometimes you got to be
25:48
willing to look like a fool to a lot of people to win one person.
25:54
So it was all worth it in the end for me.
25:56
But you guys keep your eyes open.
25:58
The book is planning to be released on February 10th of
26:04
2024. So just a couple months away,
26:06
the book is going to get released.
26:07
It's not a huge book. It's not a big volume of
26:10
information. This is a whole different thing.
26:12
The plan was to break the norms of what poetry and what writing
26:15
looks like and what the journey that all of us can relate to
26:19
looks like. So it's unique, It's a stand
26:22
alone, it complements your daily journey and it's going to
26:26
encourage you to read the Bible. It's also going to encourage you
26:28
to go places that you may have not been encouraged to go
26:31
before. So keep your eyes open for that
26:34
and just keep me in prayer you guys.
26:35
If you feel led to donate, you can find the links in the show
26:38
notes below and you can donate to help us in our time of need.
26:42
But I just want to say that I love you guys for listening.
26:44
I love you guys for sharing and just taking this ride with me
26:48
here on the Millennial Mustard Seed Podcast ministry.
26:52
So that's all I got to say coming to you from Southeastern
26:56
Pennsylvania. God bless.
26:59
Goodbye. None.
27:40
None.