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iAlign #47 - Building Real Relationships By Building YOU · The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Seeking Authenticity Podcast, hosted by Ioline, where you get practical insight and interviews aimed at identifying your unique purpose in life, one aligned with your core values.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: We help ambitious individuals who are seeking a better life build confidence, peace, strength, and pride in themselves so that they wake up each day feeling present, moved to act by their own unique adventure, and unloaded by a heavy conscience, which is where they need to be if they want to pursue an ambitious and successful life while still loving the person looking back at them in the mirror.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Flint Mitchell, CEO, founder, and head coach of Ioline, a coaching and software company aimed at building a more value-aligned world by supporting one billion people to take one value-based decision every day.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the episode.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: One morning, almost seven years ago, I realized something that would forever change how I look at the relationship between my core values and my personal friendships and relationships.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a social guy.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: How on earth could I ever expect myself to establish relationships that were genuinely fulfilling in my life if I needed the other person to respond a certain way?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you need validation from another person, you are projecting onto them how they need to feel instead of allowing them to feel how they will.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't give them the opportunity to walk away, to not like you, because that thought is too painful.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But by doing so, the other person interacts with a show of who you are, right?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: They interact with a performance, not you.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's who I saw in the mirror, a performative act, not a genuine man.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that broke me down a bit.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be lying if it didn't make me feel a bit hopeless, like I lacked confidence in who I was.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, how could I have confidence in who I was if I didn't even have clarity over who I wanted to be?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So sure, I had formed some real relationships, some real friendships with those that I had chosen to let in at that age.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: But could I ever really expect or deserve people in the future to wait that long before I was willing to show them who I really was?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: More so, why was I unwilling to show people who I really was?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was embarrassed at the thought that I was not the man I wanted to be yet.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had not yet achieved the accomplishments that I wanted, and I did not consistently act in a way that I felt proud of.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're listening to this, I assume you probably understand that feeling.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is when I started to take a core value-based approach.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: It started slowly.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I just started bringing awareness to my core values on a daily basis.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: These are values like integrity, responsibility, health, authenticity.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then years later, this just spun out of control.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: By becoming better aware of and better defining these values, identifying people, places, behaviors, actions, etc., that align with them, and then identifying standards and boundaries that I would uphold in order to enforce these values.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I built a core value-based system of personal development that led me to the man who I am today and to the man that I am continuing to become.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And now, when I look back in the man in the mirror, I see years of travel, searching for surf and hiking around the world, published books, podcasts, scientific publications, patents, private consulting practice, a company that I'm building and operate, I see a confident, risk-taking, ambitious person that I love dearly.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you know who else sees that?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: The new people that I meet.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: My new friendships and relationships are now formed by this version of myself.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: A man who is willing to show exactly who he is at the outset and let anyone be the judge of his character.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I could care less.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know who I am, and I'm exceptionally proud of myself.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that I'm proud of myself because of the way that I continuously try to act.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that I am healed, it's not that I'm there yet.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's that I'm doing my best to go in the direction that I believe that I will be most proud of.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that confidence, I am able to let people see the real me right when meeting them.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that allows them to bring their true selves to me too.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Long story short, by aligning with my core values, I built myself into a person capable of connecting.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I end the vast majority of my conversations with my friends and family with the words, I love you, because I do genuinely see them for who they are, and I allow them to see me who I am, and that builds real love.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because now that I am able to genuinely let people in, I am better able to genuinely love.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: My connections have never been stronger, and I can't wait to see where they lead us, my friends, my relationships, my friend, and my family and I, and to see what new ones I form in the future.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Most importantly, though, it led to the creation of IAline, this company.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the system that helps you build a life aligned with your core values.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I've just started to share, and I'm very stoked about it.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not just because it works for everyone, because it is it does.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's built to serve you based on who you want to be.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's based on your core values, not mine.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what your situation is.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like you can't find direction in life, you just keep going in circles, you don't know who you are, you feel like you're in a lull, any of that.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard it all.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let your core values lead the way.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's the trick.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have confidence in yourself to start.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to have the confidence that those values are pure and good and correct for you.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: For example, if you believe that integrity is a value worthy of pursuing, you can absorb strength from that value by acting in alignment with it.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then over time, that confidence will become a part of you too, and it will overflow into your relationships, making them more fulfilling than ever.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: That is the power of your core values, is that no matter where you are in life, you can use them to recreate a confident, positive self image.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: A version of yourself that you would be most proud of.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, if that all sounds good, but you realize you need some help implementing, you need like some one on one support, reach out to me in the show notes below.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a nice day.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.