Latest / For the Love of Hormones- Miscarriage, Hormone Balance, Progesterone, TTC, Cycle Tracking, Conception, Holistic Health / 193 | Marriage, Ministry & Trying to Conceive: Nick & Haley’s Honest Story Part 1
Transcript
- Bekah: Okay, you guys, we have our first couple on for the show. We have Nick and Haley here today. I am going to let them introduce themselves. They are big voices in the podcast world for encouraging marriages. So I know that you guys like this journey of trying to conceive either healing from miscarriage, or maybe you've been trying to get pregnant for a long time. Your husband's right there with you. And so we need to have some of that. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Bekah: encouragement when it comes to intimacy and just being supported emotionally and physically and spiritually with each other. This is a two-to-tango thing. It's not just us girls by ourselves, obviously. ⁓ Nick & Haley: Very true. Bekah: so Nick and Haley, thank you so much for being here. Nick & Haley: Yes. Thank you for having us, Becca. I just I can't get over the timing of this all with just the season we're in, ⁓ and what you speak about and with hormones of fertility and the whole journey. and so yeah, I'm excited to share about our story, like however far back we want to go, but even currently, like I just think God's timing is so perfect. So we're honored to be here. Amen. Yes, Becca, we're excited. Let's dive in and let's bless these couples listening today. Bekah: Beautiful. Well, let's kick off. Tell us, first tell us about you guys professionally, because that takes like a few seconds, right? And then ⁓ and then we'll go from there. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So I'll start as out. So you know, Nick and Haley, we live in North Carolina. ⁓ we've been married now for coming up on six years, we have a very fun and awesome podcast called King Marriage, and we get to pour into marriages. So that's ⁓ that's like our our God calling, that's our mission that Lord called us to. ⁓ And naturally there's a ministry, there's a coaching side that work with couples as well, more hands-on. so that that's our our passion project. That's the mission that the Lord has us on. I also do have a full time job on the side. So I get to, you know, be the provider of the home and ⁓ bless my my wife and my daughter. And really fun as well. So do you want to add anything to that? Man, I mean man, this the whole concept and and topic of marriage, like everything we do today, it was birthed from our story. Very true. So the way we help couples today with communication and not just surface level communication, but like really peeling back the layers of the heart stuff and the triggers and the things that you both bring into marriage, that was our story of and first couple years of marriage. And so yeah, it's just such an honor to help other couples. Like it's it feels like a lifetime ago in the sense that our marriage today, six almost six years in, it's completely different. than what it was years ago. And so even when we share with our clients, we're like, you guys, like we are a living testimony of what's possible. Like it's not us. It's the Lord. And he can do it. If you did it for us, he can do it for you. Like he's the healer. He's the one that aligns us, you know. so yeah, it's just so fun to be able to also work with your spouse. Like it brings us, I think, closer. ⁓ yeah. A whole nother level of working together. Two different hats. But Bekah: I love that. Yeah. That's wonderful. Well, got big blessings to what you guys are doing. And ⁓ everyone go check out Thriving Kingdom Marriage Podcast for encouragement. Can you guys share with us before we dive into your story? Cause I'd love to do that. ⁓ share with us like what are your favorite ways to encourage ⁓ help refine couples in their marriages? Nick & Haley: Help refine couples, is that what you said? Totally. Do you wanna dive in? Go ahead, baby. I feel like a big part of what we do, and we started it out this way from the beginning. The Lord really, and again, all through our journey, he really clarified like in order to help the couple thrive, you have to help the individuals. And so like we're doing coaching with our couples, we're like, okay, we focus on the man. Bekah: Yeah. Nick & Haley: Like what can he do? What does he need to tweak? What is the challenge for him? And then the same for the wife, you know? and I feel like a big part of that is like understanding our God-given callings as a woman, as a wife, you know, and then as a husband, as as a as man. Like it's just completely different. And so the design that God created us, a lot of times, ⁓ and is how we were, of course, we were kind of the opposite. Like we talk a lot about masculinity and femininity. ⁓ from a biblical perspective, like God cre God has both. They're both essences, right? and we have both as well. But to align like women in their feminine, I was more my masculine. And so ⁓ he was more on the opposite side. And so we were butt heads at the beginning. And so now, like through our journey and what we help couples do is aligning with God's heart for who he created them to be. And from that place, from really focusing on what you can do and how you can show up differently. Yep. And of course, all a heart. you know, mindset stuff. interactions just shift completely. ⁓ so I think it it's counter intuitive. A lot of couples like, I want to fix like just tell me what to say to them. But it's like, wait, no, how you show up is the big part of that. And then how you guys interact. Yep. It just it gets so much easier. So true. Yeah. I'll I'll kinda share from a different angle, summarize what you just shared. ⁓ The main things that we've that we felt called focus on. Which were the areas that we went through, just like Haley said, is number one, the heart healing stuff with the Lord, right? Inviting the Lord into our hearts, into the old wounds, into the areas of our lives that still trigger us and affect us today, but they started in the past. So it started with our childhood, it started with our upbringing or past relationships or past friendships or past situations that still to this day. affect us and it goes underneath the surface. So that's the that's the 90% of the iceberg that's under the water that most people just us humans we all want to ignore because it's so uncomfortable to go back there. but the Lord has something so beautiful for us once we're able to invite him into those areas. And so we try to de demystify that process and make it easy and practical for people to actually do that. ⁓ so that's number one. Number two is our communication. So our ability to communicate in an effective manner so that the other person can receive it because we do have different communication styles, all of us, not just as men and women, but individually. And so just investing time into learning that, digging in and figuring out how to make it work within the spot within the couple is a big part of the work that we do. And then The last third piece that kind of brings it all together and they're all connected really our differences as men and women. So understanding more of the nature of the the female and the male, the feminine, the masculine, and how we're differently wired. Why did God make it that way? And really helping people shift their perspective and see the beauty and the power of us working together instead of constantly fighting one another because of our differences, starting to see those differences as blessings. And once that happens, everything just kind of falls into place as well. Bekah: I love that. That's so beautiful. and as a hormone coach, I mean, when when I first learned, well, when my husband and I first learned ⁓ one of the fertility awareness methods, we first learned the Marquette method and we're like, ⁓ this is really interesting and cool. But it's when I became when I was going through my process of becoming a certified FEM teacher, where I was like, my gosh, this is so cool. Like how God made the woman. ⁓ And then as becoming a hormone coach, we did, we did, we would do like A touch on, and here's the male design of hormones and just looking at how different they are. It it's like the biological, physiological differences that go down to the even emotional and spiritual different essences, as you guys were saying, is so cool. And it and I mean, man, if we'd learned that when we were first married, that would have made things a lot easier. So ⁓ it's so crazy. Right. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. For sure. Correct. Everything makes so much sense though, right? Like when you lean into God's design on all these levels, you're like, like again, they're different for a reason. And I now I can see the beauty in that. Instead of like trying to change them to be more like me, it's like, wait, no, they're not supposed to. Bekah: ⁓ yeah. I know, but it's like when we first get married, that's kind of what we do. I feel like I could talk about this for hours, but let's keep going. Let's like go let's peel back the next layer of the onion. so I'm gonna go there. I know you guys mentioned when I was reaching out to y'all that you're currently in a season of trying to conceive or what have you. So we would love to hear your story first and then we'll keep going from there. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. For sure. Go ahead. Yeah, so I guess, well, we do have a daughter. I guess we didn't mention that. we have a three-year-old daughter. So yeah, she just turned three, which is wild. And so I think it was about I wanna say it around when she was ⁓ one. ⁓ I mean, after we had a beautiful natural home birth, it was such a blessing. Like God was all over it. Wonderful pregnancy. I just loved just the whole process again of like, wow, what is God doing through me? Like this is incredible. so that was just honestly it felt like a dream. Like I and a lot of things coming up even through that pregnancy of ⁓ the fears and all this and the Lord was so gracious to meet me and prepare me for that natural home birth. And then yeah I think it was I after that we didn't we didn't prevent. I think We again we've been married almost six years and we're gonna have to what do you call it? Think about our yeah, remind ourselves of all this. It's so beautiful talking about it. ⁓ yeah, three years. So we waited, it was like, yeah, over two years until we fully like surrendered this area of our lives of like instead of okay, we wanna wait and be married and travel and do the things that we did, but wait, like You know, we we say we're supposed to trust God in every area of life, but sometimes when it comes to our, you know, fertility journey and and par ⁓ I'm what is that word? Parenting parenting or planning, family planning. I'm sorry, couldn't find the term. we are like, wait, I wanna do it this way and free will and and I know that's a whole, you know, discussion, everyone has an opinion on it, but we felt so much more than when we leaned into it, we're like, let's just What would happen if we just surrender and like trust whatever that timeline looks like, whatever however many kids that looks like, whether it's ten or whether it's two or none. You know what I mean? Like let's just do this and see what the Lord really has for us. Let's fully trust him in that. so anyway, that was yeah, that was ultimately when we stopped preventing and then had daughter and all of that. And so even after her, like we haven't prevented at all. And I think it was around a year where we were like We would be open, you know. I mean we've got our you know, got our hands full of new baby, but we would be open if we got pregnant again. and so we weren't really trying, I would say, until I think when we moved here about a year and a half ago. Right. So it's been, yeah, about a year and a half. And ⁓ especially for me, I feel like this past year it's been, you know, from someone who's very growth-minded, who likes to have a plan, who likes to just Okay, you know, like the age gap, all the things you're thinking about as a woman. Like, okay, maybe it's gonna be probably the summer, you know, like we're healthy. I'm like, this should be simple. Like it was with our daughter, it was only a handful of months and it just hasn't been that. And so I think for me that really has weighed on me, you know, month after month. Like it's gone like this. It's been such a roller coaster. And the Lord, like I said, He's been so gracious to meet me in that even through friendships and opening up and not carrying it on my own and sharing with my husband. And I can't remember what month it was, but we had a heart to heart Nick and I on one of our marriage like check-in nights. ⁓ I was just like, I feel like I fully opened up and ⁓ you all weight and pressure and stress I was carrying from this, you know, tracking ovulation every single month and like all the things, right, that you're trying to do right. ⁓ and he was like, ⁓ I like I don't want you carrying that on your own. And so before that, it's not that he wasn't trying to help me, it's just I don't think you really understood like how much it was weighing on me. Correct. Because he was just faithful, like it's gonna happen when it's gonna happen, you know, which is great, but it's different, I think, experiences, right? So yeah, and then fast forward, I don't know where you want to jump in, but fast forward I think to this year, the Lord has helped me ⁓ Once again, fully surrender that and say, hey, focus on the gift giver and not the gift. Like I I was sharing with a mom's group at our church and just it was kind of again, it's like a roller coaster where it's fully okay, but then it was fully like, you know, that month I was like, This is really heavy and especially that week before your period comes, you're just like anticipating like this could be it, you know, and you don't want to jump the gun and all the pregnancy tests. And so I'm like, I can't do any of the tests now. I have to wait, like It's not worth it emotionally. Let me just again surrender and trust. so I was sharing with a mom's group, I said, I flipped open last night and they were like just encourage so encouraging and whatnot. Being in community is a big part of this journey. not only like of course with your spouse, but even with like girlfriends who get it and can love on you and pray for you. And ⁓ I told them, I was like, the night the I think it was like the next day, I said I was looking in the journal, my journal back from when I got pregnant with my daughter. And it was like that month before I was having a hard time and I like re-surrendered my life. I it's like a constant with the Lord, right? Like season, season, like when we c start creating idols, I was like, ⁓ he's so gracious to shift us back and say, hey, lay this down again. I know you did before, but just lay it down again. I wanna be the king of your heart, you know? and I told them I read the journal entry that I like a month before I got pregnant with her, I did that, re-surrendered, and then my entry. Like expressing to the Lord that I'm pregnant, you know, finally, Vaba, ⁓ my gosh, this is amazing. Our daughter of Promise. And the last line was like, You are the greatest gift of all, Jesus. And I was just bawling and I shared with this with the moms group. And I was like, You guys, I was like, that's where I wanna be when I get pregnant again. I was like, I don't wanna think I'm doing all this on my own strength. You know, I'm the reason that we're pregnant. Like, of course, there's a part of partnering with the Lord. But that was just so impactful to me that moment. And this was like recently. This was like back in April. ⁓ that I'm literally full circle again. And so yeah, I'm emotionally fully surrendered again, which is feels so good and light and freeing and exciting and hopeful, you know. but then even like physically, we're like, let's just like step up our our our ⁓ our health a little more. Let's do what we can do, but from that surrendered place. And so that's kind of yeah, where we've been. Amen. Bekah: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Man, that's a whole journey, Haley and Nick. I mean, Haley, I know like all the emotions and the highs and the lows and the and the controlling and then the surrendering. It's very hard. I'm I'm just my heart's with you, you know, with everything you're going through. ⁓ I'm happy to hear that you have found this place of surrender. And it's probably going to be a continual process, right? Because sometimes it's like this sneaky thing that we start like tightening up a little bit at some point. And we're like, ⁓ Nick & Haley: How did you work? Thank you. Bekah: Shoot, I gotta do it again. So so ⁓ hear that. Nick, what has been your experience, ⁓ know, your side of things as you guys have been navigating this waiting season? Nick & Haley: Yeah. Very true. For sure, yeah. I think, you know, as Haley kind of mentioned, you know, naturally I think I I ha it hasn't been as of an emotional roller coaster for me overall. I've just been more in a steady, faithful place of like the Lord will provide when he does. And yet at the same time, ⁓ few months ago, you know, after hearing Haley's kind of heart and what she was going through, naturally my heart feels that pain for her. And so that's when I think beyond just the praying and believing and having faith and doing our part, obviously, that's how ⁓ you know, at the right time, but also being open to investigating is there, you know, perhaps something else physically that could be happening or preventing us from from you know fully accomplishing this this goal that we have and that we know the Lord has in our Hearts. So it's in alignment with his will. and I think that's been very eye-opening for me as we did some blood work, as we did some things that were kind of noticed some things that were like it's not quite fully in alignment and optimized, optimized. That's the word. Yeah. ⁓ in order for us to accomplish the and yeah, can conceive. And so, you know, for me, it's been, I think for me more than anything, honestly, it's an exciting journey for me. But naturally it has its ups and downs. But I I think it's all play it's all part of the big vision and the plan that God has for us. So I'm I I keep that as my at all times. Bekah: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's wonderful. And Nick, it's it's really refreshing to hear a husband's perspective who's highly supportive and just open-handed and willing, you know, and open to wherever it is the Lord has you going. It's encouraging to hear you're open to supporting like some physical things, along with obviously the spiritual is the foundational, but we do always need to look at those things physically, emotionally, spiritually. You know, that's that's what we're called to as believers in all aspects of life in. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Right. Not a person. Yes. Yeah. That's right. Bekah: and then when it comes to fertility, it's wonderful to hear, ⁓ to hear you in that. So there there are a lot of spouses out there, unfortunately, who are not open to Nick & Haley: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Bekah: supporting their wives with maybe some of this newer research. I mean, it sounds like you guys, I mean, y'all are doing home births, you're doing natural family planning, like you guys are sound kind of like my kind of people, like the crunchy, you know, natural type people. Nick & Haley: Yeah. Bekah: But but you know, for for those of us who did it grow up that way or maybe our husbands didn't it, it it can be very hard to accept ⁓ that it's just something that we we don't just sit around and wait for. ⁓ especially in today's times and our culture, our society, all the junk that's around us, you know, there it warrants more proactivity. So Nick & Haley: Yeah. Yeah. One thousand percent. And if I may add something to that, Becca, very quickly, you're spot on about that as far as the you know, the natural I mean, the the best we put in and the best we take care of ourselves, the best outcomes we're gonna have in life. I think that's just a you know, no one can deny that. And so you're absolutely right that we get to be proactive and be good stewards of the body that God gave us because you know, lots many of our results will come from that. And just one other thought that I had, you know, as you asked the question about the know from the husband's perspective. I think a lot of husbands out there, the reality is in the world that we live today, ⁓ the the weight of responsibility that it really came from the Lord to be the provider of the household, you know, as the man, it's a it's a it's a powerful and beautiful opportunity that the man has. And yes, and yet it's a challenge at the same time. And with the the the the current circumstances of the world that we live in, a lot of men feel a weight Of the financial pressure that will come with more kids. So I think I have a feeling, I may be wrong here, that a lot of men may end up for the wives listening, may be a little bit more reserved or hesitant to take a lot of the steps. even the thought of like doing everything that can be done in order for us to ⁓ kids or have more kids because they're concerned with the finances. Side of things it's real for the man's reality. Now, I will with that is number ⁓ one, Now, I will with that is number ⁓ one, your life and health and your wife's life is an investment. So it's not an expense. Number one. two, God blesses you with more kids, when God blesses you with more kids, if that's in ⁓ your timeline. your life and health and your wife's life is an investment. So it's not an expense. Number one. two, God blesses you with more kids, when God blesses you with more kids, if that's in ⁓ your timeline. He will also provide with the finances for you to take care of your family. He will also provide with the finances for you to take care of your family. He will never give you a child and then punish you by having you suffer and not be able to provide for your kids. And once you once men come to grasp with that reality and the truth and having real faith in God that you are the man, you're the provider, but really God is your provider. So he will provide to you so you can provide for your family. ⁓ That is why for me it's ⁓ I genuinely. Regardless of our finances, as many kids as the Lord wants to give us, I am fully ready and open to receive them because of this foundational belief that puts me at ease when it comes to finances. Bekah: That's incredible. That's such a wonderful thing, I think, for the spouses to hear. And it's not something I would really talk about because that's not heavy on my heart and mind. Right. So Nick, thank you so much for sharing that because I think you're I can 1 million percent see that that is probably a big thing that is on most of the husband a lot of the husbands' minds who are listening. So thank you. Nick & Haley: Yep. You're welcome.