Latest / Two Broke Chicks / $0 Formula To Enter Your Unbothered Era ft. Alexis Fernandez

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$0 Formula To Enter Your Unbothered Era ft. Alexis Fernandez · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm out and this is
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: too Broke Chicks the show that she has life lessons
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: and tips to help make you rich in life. And
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: welcome back to our angel and friend.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Alexis back.
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: She's back, baby. How many times have we had you
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: on the pod?
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: I feel like poor yeah, or this is the fourth
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: I think this is this is fourth, but everyone's obsessed
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: with you. Yeah, exactly, So.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: We're going to get Alexis back on. And if you
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: chicks aren't familiar, Alexis hosts the do You Fucking Mind?
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Podcast and we've had her on the show quite a
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: few times, and today we have you on because we're
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: about to enter our unbothered era.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: This is the unbothered era. Bummy, yeah, yeah, I'll give
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: it today. Yeah, I love it. I can't wait.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: And as too chronic overthinkers, I think we're like the
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: perfect patience for you, like naughty man, mummy.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: How are we giving you like one on one therapy?
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But before we get into the juicy part of
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: the episode, you know, we love to start with a
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: life lesson, yes of the week, So would you like
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: to kick us off?
• 1:13
  Speaker 5: I guess my life lesson of the week is do
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: less to do more. So I find that when I
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: really lean into like really slow afternoons or really slow Sundays,
• 1:29
  Speaker 5: or just like pockets, and it doesn't have to be
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: a full day, but pockets in the week where I
• 1:33
  Speaker 5: do next to nothing but intentional. So I'm not talking
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: about doom scrolling, but intentional rest like R and R,
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: I am then at least fourfold more productive when I
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: actually am working. So it's like, if you're feeling burnt out,
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: it's so counterproductive.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: You think you're doing more because you have to.
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: Do more, but you are so much slower in everything
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: that you do because you just got way too much
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: shit on. You're trying to juggle a thousand things at
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: the same time. So I think, yeah, everyone who's listening
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: a fucking go.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: It's so good.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: That ties into my word of the year. My word
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: of the year is less.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, lets it's a lot that less.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Is so much fucking isn't it.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Do you have any hacks on how to actually switch off?
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: Well, so one thing, my sister calls it because she's
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: a firefighter, so it's yeah, she's like she's hardcore.
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: She's an absolute weapon. She's like in special rescue.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: She's hardcore, and she does like twenty four hour shifts,
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: and she does these like scheduled pajama days, so it's
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: a day where you do not get out of your
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: pajamas a whole day.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: She's like, you could do a scheduled You're like, I
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: did that supposed to be scheduled. You didn't have to.
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: But it's like, as long as you are intending to
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: do not much at all. So she's like, the intention
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: of that day is to make it so lazy that
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: by the time tomorrow rolls around, I cannot.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: I am leaving it, so she will.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: And if you don't have a full day, that's fine,
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: you could you could schedule like this afternoon, I'm actually
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: blocking out three hours before, but so like make it
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: way earlier, get into my pajamas earlier, and just read
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: a book or you know, if you enjoy cooking, like
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: slowly cook a meal, watching a rom com, that's what
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: I do. So my way switching off in the afternoon
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: if I've had a really hectic day rom com while
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: like cooking a meal that I really enjoy because I'm
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: not a fan of cooking normally. But if it's like
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: it's for me, it's almost a meditation. It winds, it unwinds,
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: and yeah, yeah, like it's it's something methodical, yes, because
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: if you if you try to just sit in silence,
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: your mind will be going on oning. So you're almost
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: better doing a methodical task that doesn't require high focus
• 3:36
  Speaker 5: and you slowly unwind and you start to really relax.
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: So yeah, either a scheduled pajama day or you know,
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: some methodical task that will help you unwind.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Comfort movie. But it's the number one rom com.
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: Oh okay, these are like I don't know about number one.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: But I love French Kiss, I love.
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: You've Got Mail, I love Made of Honor. It's complicated.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: There's just so many, Okay, I would like to have
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: a full circle moment since Alexis is back. Last time
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Alexis was on the show, we read out the top
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: fifteen most attractive male hobbies.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Yes that's right now.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: After getting reefed on social media for reading the most attractive,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I'd like to read the least yay it.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: If I choose to put this on tiktop men.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: I didn't write this list.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, this was surveyed from another person. It's not personal
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: and you're beautiful.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Okay, all right.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: So from number fifteen, what is that?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: It says manosphere.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Speed.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I do a quick google.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: I'm getting it's like a computer game.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Well, okay.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: The Google suggestions are Manosphere Podcast, Manosphere, Reddit, Manosphere.
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: Like the male podcast where they're like, I'm a man's microphone.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this is dark.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: The Manisphere is a network of online men's communities against
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: the empowerment of women and who promote anti feminists and sexist.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah that makes sense, and I'm really they're not number one,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Oh what the fuck?
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's only number fifteen, all right, okay.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Number fourteen, gambling, number thirteen, pawn Wow, yeah, number twelve
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: arguing online.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Another one, funko is that like those funko pops? Surely
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: not sure it's going to be something.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, Number ten marijuana, Number nine clubbing, clubbing.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: I think it's I think that.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: I mean, if you're going out clubbing all the time
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: and you're like an adult who's got respond.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Mind a good party.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I love a spontaneous night out.
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  Speaker 3: I love getting a bit drunk with my boyfriend.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I'm imagining those guys though, who like go out with
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: the lads.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: They get table absolutely with like the bottle of vodka.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Exactly, and then they like, you know, go and ask
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: for a bunch of chicks numbers and don't reply to
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: their girlfriend.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: Well if it's that then yeah, yeah right.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Next one's cigars.
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: Okay, don't mind a cigar.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: I'm like for a special occase cigar.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: The next one, crypto, this one, I completely disagree with.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: Makeup. No, that's fine, Yeah, that would be amazing.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Put eyeliner on. I actually prefer it.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, great, men in makeup, men in makeup smash Yeah,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: why not?
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: Then we have.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Anime and then MTG. I don't know what that is,
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: but I'm scared to look at the magic the Gathering.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: Is that a game?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the trading card game?
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Oh my god? If that is that they're referring number five.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, so now we're in the top four of the
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: top for least attractive male hobbies for is drinking?
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to say you that is like sessive. Yeah,
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: it's a beautiful dinner and they know how to choose
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: the wine. That's what they're.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Like, Joe, let's pair this one, and I'm like the
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: cheapest rose. Please they have wine anyway. Number three debating,
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: don't argue with me? Isn't that also arguing online?
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: So kind of but this is maying.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: In person, so basically shut up.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: Just want they just wanted to shut up.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I agree with me, agree with me.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Number two is cosplay and then number one is comic books.
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: Oh no, no, I mean, okay, it's not attractive, but
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  Speaker 5: I would not have that as number one.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: No comparison to so many of them.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Fifteen number fifteen should be number one. I'm so surprised
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: because people don't know what it is the people who
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: are being served, I think.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: So I feel like.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: I agreed with the most attractive.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: Well, yes, because reading was the number one, wasn't it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Right, So we love reading, but we don't like comic books.
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: They're not the same. It's so judgmental, it's the same thing.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: But yeah, it's time to get into our unbothered era.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Time to get into our unbothered air.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, So starting off, what's the difference between being unbothered
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: and being indifferent and just not giving a fuck about anything.
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: Yes, okay, So I think that firstly, you want to
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: look at what does bothered mean? Because to care about something,
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: to have you know, passion behind something is I think
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: the most important thing in life, right Like, if we
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: don't have that, then what is the point. So to
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: care to invest your time, your energy, your emotions into
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: something that is all kind of I think what we
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: strive for in life. Because the happiest people in the
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: world are the ones that give a shit that the
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: ones that like really put their heart and soul into
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  Speaker 5: they invest. The most unhappy people are the ones that
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: are very surface level.
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: And a lot. So that is caring.
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: And I think bothered is things that it's kind of
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: It looks like overthinking. It looks like being irritable. It
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: looks like being embarrassed and revisiting embarrassing moments. It looks
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: like trying to mind read oh my god, they're maybe
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: thinking these or oh my god, oh you know, or
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: they're gonna want me to say this, or you know,
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: people pleasing it is.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: All these things.
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: It's trying to mold yourself into something because you think
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: you're going to get a better result. So I've got
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: to pretend to be someone else, so he likes my
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: message or he replies to me, or all that kind
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: of stuff.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: So that's bothered. I'm now bothered.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: And also to add another layer to that, when you're unbothered,
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: it should never negatively impact somebody else. So it shouldn't
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: be like I don't give a fuck, I'm not fuck.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: It's not not caring. It's I need to be less bothered,
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: so this doesn't affect my mental health.
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: That's how you want to look at being unbothered.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Care, care about the people you love, care about your life, passions,
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: put in all your energy into that, but not into
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: the stuff that makes you bothered. You know, because something
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: that's important isn't bothering you. It might be weighing on you,
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: it might be you know, but it shouldn't bother you.
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: So that's how I differentiate the two.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's an important distinction. And you recently
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: did an episode on how to enter our Unbothered era
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and you had five steps. Yes, so we'll start with
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: step one, which was detach. Can you explain that process
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: of how we attach ourselves to things that bother us,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: how to identify that, and then how to detach.
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So we I think that it's so easy to
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: become attached to something. And the reason we become attached
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: to things, whether it be through limereents, like somebody that
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: is not texting us back and we're attached to that,
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: whether it be something about our identity, whether it be
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: you know, we attach ourselves to the outcome of something
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: so heavily.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: And the reason for that is because like attracts like.
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: And I say it all the fucking time, but basically,
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: one thought makes it so much easier to think of
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: a similar thought and then a similar feeling thought similar,
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: and that's where we end up spiraling. That's like catastrophic thoughts,
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: that's you know.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: So that's how.
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: It becomes really easy to be attached to something. And
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: also it comes down to how much emotion you are
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: putting behind that thing. So when something is emotionally charged,
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: whether it's good or whether it's bad, we get deeper
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: and deeper and deeper into that emotion. So one of
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: the best ways to become less attached when you're looking
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: at a negative emotion like anxiety or fear or you know,
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: fear of the unknown, is to name what it is
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: that is causing you this like anguish in your body.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: So for example, you could be like, you know you'll
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: feel a straightaway, you feel a change in your body.
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: Always listen to your body first, and you think, okay,
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: I feel a bit heavier. I'm just like, something's clearly wrong.
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: When did this start? And then you think it's when
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: I received that text message? It's when I open my emails,
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: That's when it started. Then you think a kind of
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: going to name it was the email that I received
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: from this person. Okay, now I've named it. And it
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: sounds so basic because you're just naming something, but you
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: actually use a different part of the brain when you
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: name something.
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: And it's been tested on all kinds.
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: Of different fears, Like they've done studies on this stuff,
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: and one of the major studies that actually did it
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: on people with like full blown rachnophobia, like fear of spiders.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: They had a group of people who would go and interact.
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: Or just like get really close to a spider. So
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: one group had to be like, just let just just
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: be emotional, just be and so they're like, oh my god, hyperventilating,
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: having a really bad time.
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: The other group just had.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: To name what they were feeling like, I'm feeling very scared,
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: I'm feeling actually.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: I'm feeling sweaty, I'm feeling whatever.
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: Then the other group had to be like, I'm all good,
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: it's fine, i feel great, it's all good. Then the
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: next time round, they wanted to see how it changed
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: how they approached the spider the next time, like two
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: days later. I can't remember the time frame, but there
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: was like a bit of a wash out period they
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: went and the people that named their fear were able
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: to get a lot closer to that spider. They were
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: able to nationalize their fear so much more. And the
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: reason for that, it's called name entertainment. And you can
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: do this with any emotion. The reason for that is
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: when we feel an emotional feeling, you're using like the amygdala,
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: the olympic system. It's like part of the mid brain.
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: It's more primitive. It's what causes us to.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Respond in the moment. So we need it. It's important.
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: But then it goes like off the rails for a
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: lot of us, and then when you for most of us,
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: and then when you name it, you're using your prefrontal cortex.
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: That's like you're reasoning your forward planning your executive function.
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: So that causes instantly, it causes these two brain regions
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: to communicate, so you're already in your head without having
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: to talk yourself down off the ledge. Your brain's already
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: doing that for you. It starts to reason, So it
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: doesn't it doesn't eliminate the stimulus. The spider is still there,
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: the person still hasn't messaged you back, but your brain
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: stops catastrophsed ye think, I'm still aware that this thing
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: is there, but I'm so much more capable for dealing
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: with it right now instantly, Like takes the edge off.
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: There's going to be a population of people out there
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: because I did a TikTok on this and so many
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: people like, wow, it worked straight away. This has worked
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: for me, and there's like a couple like, this doesn't
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: work for me. It's like, this is general advice. There
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: might be one or two people that need to try it,
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: a few tire a difference, but for the general population,
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: that is one of the best ways to detach yourself
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: from an emotional investment in something that feels really negative.
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Also, like things like that, it does take work, It
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: does take effort, and it does depend on the thing
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: that you're dealing with.
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: It's like a big time you know.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: It's not a way to be like if you're stressed
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: and like, no, don't be stressed.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: It's like when someone's sad and they're like, no, be sad,
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: and it's like no, it's not going to work, like.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and we're not saying you're going to cure the problem.
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: If I'm feeling heartbroken and I'm having a really really
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: bad time, I can just be like, look, I'm feeling
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: really anxious because and I can just explain what's going
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: on to myself.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: That doesn't remove the heartbreak. Is it just you know, yeah,
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: it seem like a cognitive diffusion.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You're naming the feeling exactly and the emotion rather than
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: that it being a fact exactly.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: So you're just yeah, and you're like kind of talking
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: yourself through what it is that you're experiencing, and you're
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: just really, what you're aiming to do is to get
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: the brain regions communicating better. And when they communicate better
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: than you, you self soothe a whole lot better.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And I also find it so interesting that the denial
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: group wasn't the best I know because it's you can
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: so often think that if you know positive affirmations, but
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: it's like not acknowledging it and just burying it.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Yes, wasn't actually the best method.
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: I think a lot of people think, oh, well, I've
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: got to think positive thoughts all the time.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: I got to think good thoughts.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: But it's not it's I need to know what I'm
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: feeling so I can actually process it better. Like and
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: this is me going on a tangent, but there's other
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: studies that we've done that people that cry when they
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: need to cry are a lot happier than people that
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: try and hold back tears.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: Crying so happy. It's actually really therapeutic.
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: It's like a tactical cry if you can cry when
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: you actually so it's not saying I'll put on a
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: sad song and force yourself to cry.
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: That's not at all it and it doesn't recommend that
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: you do that.
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: But if you're like, oh my god, I need to
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: grunte to cry, because sure like neurochemicals that gets released
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: in your tears that make you feel better. So it's
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: never about avoiding your emotions. It's feel it, but don't
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: exacerbate it and don't force yourself to spiral.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like a tactical cry in
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: your late twenties and thirties is like a tactical bomb. Yeah,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: a tactical cry is the new tactical bomb. Yeah, that's
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: your lesson. What if you're vomiting and crying? Okay, So
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: let's move on to step two, which is the pause.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: So how can you identify the triggers?
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: The pause is a great thing. So the pause is literally.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: For anything that requires a bit of thought or emotion
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: behind it.
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: And I'll get into that in one second.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: Give yourself a pause that's long enough to take a
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: deep breath.
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: So, for example, if you're someone with social anxiety and
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: someone invites you out and you're a people pleaser, and
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: you say, oh yeah, yeah, yep, and then you're like,
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: how do I cancel later? How do I This is
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: where you take a breath. Doesn't even have to be
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: that obvious.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: You don't have to be like how you just quietly go.
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: Pause, and then you say can I get back to
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: you on that? You've already just made your life so
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: much because when you.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: Pause, you stop going. You go from reactive to proactive.
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: You give yourself that moment your brain thing switches on,
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: it switches, something changes, and you think, I've got that
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: one moment to become self aware enough that I'm not
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: going to be reactive anymore. I had that moment to
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: remove the reactivity, and now I can say, and you
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: can prep yourself for these things.
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: I'll get back to you on that. I have to
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: check my diary.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: And then when you're in your own comfortable space, you think,
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: am I actually do I actually want to be at
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: this event? And if I do, how can I prepare
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: myself so I feel safe going to this event without
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: having like a full mental breakdown when I'm there. Or
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: another thing would be if I'm really angry and someone
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: says something to me and I snap and say something
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: hopeful and then I've got demons take a pause and
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: just say I need to talk about this at another time,
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: or like I need a moment.
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: I just need a moment.
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: Like I always say to people, if you're having an
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: argument with your partner, the healthiest thing you can do
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: is like, can we just have five and come back?
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: Because by the time you come back, you are not
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: screaming at each other.
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and you communicate so much better because people are like,
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: but I want it now in the moment, it's like, no,
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: I'm giving you the worst version of myself right now.
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: This is just not helpful. So the same good.
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: There's so many times where you're basically when you think
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: if I'm reacting, if I'm going to react, take a breath.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: And the other reason why it's important to and ideally
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: take a big breath if possible is this the sigh.
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: When you take a sigh and the best So dogs
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: teach us a lot about this. So dogs, if you
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: observe a dog just before they're going to go to sleep,
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: they will.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: Circle SoC socle, lie down, huge signe I do yeah.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: And when you've got a dog and you go big self.
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: And so dogs when they want to drift into a
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: different state, either date, relaxation, or sleep, they'll do a
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: big sign because they're like telling their brain I'm changing states.
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: What happens is you basically go into reactivity.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: You know you're changing.
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: You know your nervous system is always telling you, do
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: I need to be on high alert or can I relax?
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: So if you're on high alert, you're not digesting properly.
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: That's why stress causes a lot of digestive issues. When
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: you're you know, you're like your heart is racing, you
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: don't feel that good. If you are anxious and stressed,
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: you are not doing a deep breath, so your body
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: knows that, so you trick your body. A deep sigh
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: makes your body think, well, I mustn't be under threat
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: if I can take a nice, long, deep breath, so
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: you instantly switch into rest and relaxation mode. You tell
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: your brain has a switch and you think, oh, well,
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: I must be okay because.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: If you actually were danger.
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because if it was actually made at danger, you
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: couldn't stop and have a big side.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: You were actually responding to the d.
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: You're like, oh well, I'm about to be hit bihr
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: big side, like you wouldn't.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: You're like, I need to actually respond right now.
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: So when you're able to do the big site, it's
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: almost like you're intercepting what's happening. So that's why when
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: it possible in this pause time, you're like, change my state,
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: change my state before I react, big breath, let it
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: all out, and instantly you're able to be like I
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: can't give you an answer right now, or just I
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: need a moment or you know, I'm not going to
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: say that hateful thing. I can just say what I
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: actually mean without lashing out. There's so many moments where
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: you think, wow, the way I reacted to that, I'm
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: actually now less bothered. But if I reacted in a
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: way that was that was lashing out, not only have
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: you probably hurt someone with what you've said, but then
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: you've also got demons for weeks to come being like
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: now I'm a psycho.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Like I didn't want to react that way, and that's
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: bothering you.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: Then you're bothered, you know.
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: So I think it's so important if you can master
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: the pause, it will change your life and you become
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: a much more relaxed person because that then becomes automatic.
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: It's like it's kind of forced at the start, but
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: then the more you do it, your body just uses
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: that as the automatic reply every time.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: I really love that analogy. We're not even an analogy,
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: but that example.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: Of the dogs and now when you see a dog doing.
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: It's so okay.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I feel like even just visualizing that makes it so helpful.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: It's like when you're like spiraling your baby, like no,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: think of a dogs like.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: Think of the dog trying to fall asleep. Huge sigh,
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: and then they're off to sleep. I love that. It's
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: like a magic trick.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah it is, because like why can't our brains tell
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: the difference between I've received an email and I'm getting chased.
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: Down by a bear? Like why those responses are the same.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: But I love that in having that in your tool kit.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Let's go on to step three self talk. So how
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: does the way that we speak to ourselves impact our
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: emotions and how we respond to things?
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so massively.
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: So kind of similar to what I was talking about
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: with you know, getting different brain regions to communicate with
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: each other, and it helps talk you down at the
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: ledge like name entertainment. Self talk overall makes you feel
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: a whole lot more more in control of your emotions.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: That's kind of the basis of this whole unbothered thing
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: is I want to be in control of my emotions,
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: and I don't want my emotions to be in control
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: of me.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: It's not about not feeling emotions. You still should feel
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: the entire spectrum of emotions that there is.
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: Like I still get anxious, I still get hurt, I
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: still get embarrassed.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: I still you know, because I think.
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: People think, well, how do you never It's like, I
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: feel everything you feel, but I guess the thing that
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: I like to claim is that I can intercept it
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: relatively quickly. Yeah, you know so, And that is in
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: how you talk to yourself. So, for example, you have
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: a thought about yourself or about a situation, and you
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: want to look at how you are wording that thought
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: and if the wording is really universal.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: Like, for example, let's say you embarrass yourself in front
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: of someone.
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: You like, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid,
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: I'm so this, I'm sorry, and then you start and
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: then you feel really bad. And even if you're not
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: speaking the words because some people say, oh but I
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: don't think in words, but you're feeling it. You're feeling shame,
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: you feel embarrassment, you feel like you don't want to
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: be seen in public. You feel like we all know
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: that feeling, but we're being very catastrophic here. So what
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: you have to do is then name again, name the thing,
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: but replace it with a statement. And when you replace
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: it with a statement like I'm all for affirmations, I'm
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: big on affirmations.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: However, you've got to do them right for them to work.
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: And if you're in a really low vibration state, like
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: I'm a failure to then say everybody loves me does
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: not feel real and then you're like shit. And so
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: what I say is like, what is a thought that's
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: a bit more empowering than that. So you could say,
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: if you think, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, I'm
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: such a failure, I'm just and that just say I
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: embarrass myself one time I provide so much laughter to
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: my friends, or I provide so much value to my friends,
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: You know, I can think of one example.
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: Where I embarrass myself, but I can think of three
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: really great examples where I've excelled socially, like I just
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: pulled my friend out of her heartbreak yesterday, or I just,
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: you know, was that shoulder to cry on for somebody else.
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: Or I made these people laugh or I you know,
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: So that you start to counter and that's with yourself talk.
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: So then the more you do that, the easier it
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: is to counteract thought. It takes practice, just like any
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: you know, growing a muscle or whatever, but eventually that
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: actually becomes automatic in the brain. So if we're someone
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: that instantly thinks the worst and starts to spiral, and
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: the only way we snap out of it is by
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: being distracted.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: Then you've never fixed the problem. So you want to
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: be like, I don't want.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: To wait for a distraction for me to start feeling
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: better about myself.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: I want to be the one who can pull myself
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: out of this.
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: I want to be able to rely on myself to
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: pull myself out of this really like low feeling thought,
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: and the same thing goes for like, oh I failed
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: that exam, Now I feel like a failure. You can
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: think I failed one thing, but here's three things that
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: have really succeeded at. He's three things that are pretty
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: good at And then when you go to that next step,
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: then you think it's possible for me to get better
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: at that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: It's possible. What would it take for me to actually
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: be good at this?
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: When you go from this like low vibration to think
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: I could do that, this could be possible.
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: This you know, same like when you're embarrassed.
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: It's like embarrassing things happen to people all the time,
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: and I've there's been things that have happened to my
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: friends that have been so embarrassing that I've been laughing
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: my head off that I now can't recall, like in
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: stitches laughing.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: And now I'm like, oh wish I could remember that,
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: But I'm that friend. I don't be hilarious.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: So it's like, really, just like you've got to you
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: need to kind of minimize it, because we're very good
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: at grabbing one isolated event and magnifying at times one
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: hundred and thinking that everyone else perceives it the way
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: we perceive it.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: It's never the case. It's never the case.
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: Even if people laugh at you, it's still never the case,
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: you know, because they've got their own shit.
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: They might have laughed, but now they're thinking about something else.
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: You can't let that determine how you're going to behave
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: around that same person again in the future and things
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: like that. So that's what I mean by how you
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: talk to yourself. You're just basically thinking of how can
• 25:54
  Speaker 5: I counter this with a more empowering thought.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, we've got two more steps, the emotional toolkit.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: What is an emotional toolkit?
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: So an emotional toolkit is something that you can refer
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: back to that will always lift your mood and make
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: you feel either funny like me. Yeah, like a dopamin menu,
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: but even easier than a dopamine menu because you don't
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: even have to be doing things. So I have, for example,
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: so I got a list of funny things.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: So that's one thing that I could go to.
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: I've got a particular playlist that I have that it's
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: literally to turn my mood around. That for me is
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: you've got to really curate that playlist. It kind of
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: any sad lyrics, that kind of any it's got to
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: be an empowering playlist. Any song that could pick any
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: song out of that playlist and be like, no, I'm
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: in a better mood.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: What kind of song's on it?
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: Oh, there's all sorts of things. I've got like reggaeton
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: in there.
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: I've got a lot of like nineties music that's been
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: remade into.
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: House music classics. It's just empowering banger after banger. Love it.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: So that is another one.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Another one is like, I've got a whole bunch of
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: screenshots from people that have written to me with the podcast.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: So if I'm ever like or if I'm ever feeling.
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: Like a little bit like lacking in like inspiration for
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: the podcast, if I just read a few.
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: Of those, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so inspired.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: So when you're needing that inspiration, then I think that's
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: where you kind of lean towards the screenshots, the music,
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: the funny things. So you've got like, depending on your mood.
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: Sometimes you're like, oh, reading funny things isn't going to
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: turn my mood around. But a playlist well, or you know,
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: things like that I think will always very.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: Very quickly switch your mood.
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: A good example of this is this this guy did
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: like a TikTok and he said, every time I'm like
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: crying or sad, I put on what was it, party
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: rock Anthem. He's like, you cannot cry, cannot cry? You try,
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: you try to cry?
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: Rock flops back to like an old video of him
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: crying in the car.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: These tiny, tiny kind of interceptions really change it for me.
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: We are suckers to like almost wallowing in our pain.
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: So a lot of the time we'll be feeling just like, no.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: I need to feel sad.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: On say, you know, it's like, but if you're serious
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: about you know, let's let's turn it around.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Let's switch it up. I want I don't want this
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: to affect me so much.
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: I put on party rock anthems, try to cry, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: love that.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: I feel like that kind of leads on to step five,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: which is the micro joy moments. Yes, can you explain
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: what that is and the psychology behind a micro joy moment?
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: Definitely, So we I think gets so like caught up
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: in I will be happy when this thing happens, and
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: I'll be happy when.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: I'm in a relationship and when this.
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: So we've got these big markers of what we deem
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: to be success emotionally and career wise and all these things.
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: But if you're trying to work towards all of these
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: things while at the same time spiraling being really bothered
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: about things all the time, then it's almost counter productive
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: to you achieving anything. Like I was kind of saying before,
• 29:03
  Speaker 5: like do less to do more. It's kind of even emotionally,
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: if everything is in the future, everything's like that will
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: happen when when?
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: When this? Then we're not actually ever enjoying the present.
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: And sometimes you never want to look back and be like,
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: oh my god, they were such good days.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: Why was I not thrilled back then? So happy back then?
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: So basically you want to wake up and almost prime yourself.
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: So you're more aware of these moments, but you want
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: to wake up and think it's my It's like, it's
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: at the top of my list to find joyful moments today.
• 29:37
  Speaker 5: So like little joyful moments because when you've primed yourself
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: to look for them, then when they happen, you don't
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: brush over them, think, oh, like you lean in. For example,
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: when I get home, and this is something that I've
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: really leant into lately. I get home, I'll put everything
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: down and I'll sit on the floor and I'll have
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: at least five minutes if my dog and.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: I don't listen to anything, and I'm like squeezing. He's
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: just a beautiful angel. I love him so much.
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: This is I'm.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: Obsessed out can confirm you guys.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: He loves you guys so much.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: But yeah, it's like that, and I'm so happy after
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: that interaction.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I could literally get home pat him on
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: the head.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: I'm busy, but it's like that moment or it's a
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: moment of Okay, I have this. I love sweet treats,
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: and I'm trying to veer away from sweet treats just
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: a little bit.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: So I the other day, my sister and I were
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: trying to do.
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: I've already failed, so don't worry, but I'm starting again
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: the seventy five hard. But I was trying to admind
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: the diet that I set for myself. I'm like, I'm
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: happy with what I eat. I'm not going to really
• 30:33
  Speaker 5: do it, but I will cut out sweet treats because
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: that's the mental challenge for me.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I really wanted to sweet treats.
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: So I just went home, opened the frege and I
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: inhaled like thirty olives and it was so beautiful that moment.
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: I'm like, this is a joyful moment, Like I just
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: love all lives so much.
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: You know, when a meal arrives, don't be on your phone.
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: If you're at a restaurant and a meal arrives, this
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: is like, savor the moment when you get your cough,
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: don't be distracted, Smell it, hold it. And these moments
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: of like joy, these moments where you're like, I could
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: be leaning into these tiny moments throughout the day, and
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: before I know it, I've had a really happy day
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: and nothing major happened. But it's just because I was
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: so present in those little things that I live for.
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: But when they're happening, I'm not present, you know, So
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: that's the main thing.
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: And then when you are like that, your mood is lifted.
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: You can also a ton and more dope that when
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: something not that good happens, you are more unbothered because
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: you're in a better state.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: Your overall state is better because you're more appreciated.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: More resilient. Yeah, you're resilient. And then negative things happening.
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: And when you're happy, you are proactive and not reactive,
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: You're able to deal with things better.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: You can pacify yourself better.
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: Like we were talking about all these tools that we
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: spoke about, you can like intercept them so much easier
• 31:47
  Speaker 5: when you're in a better mood overall.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I find it also helpful because like I'm sure a
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: lot of the chicks can relate to this as well.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Like my brain just goes like a million miles an hour,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: and being present isn't always.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: The easiest task.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: That even if it's five minutes at the end of
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: the day and going, Okay, what was my highlights the day?
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Like every night Rob and I will be like, what
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: was your highlight of the day? His is always coming home.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you have to pick something yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: that's my high right, and I'm like you silk well.
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: So another thing you can do if you're like, well,
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: how can I is make the statement in your head
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: of how amazing is it that?
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Oh like that so?
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: And you can use this like a thousand times in
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: your day. So, for example, the other day, because I'm
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: trying to use.
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: That more often. The other day, I grabbed this book
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: that I started reading.
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: And I such a good book. It's called The Paris Apartment.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: It's like mystery horror.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: Very cool.
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: And I sit down on my couch, I'd like tidy
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: the place and I sit down, and before I did anything,
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: I thought.
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: How amazing is it that I'm about.
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: To And it's like that moment, That moment is what
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: you live for. It's like, how amazing is it that I.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: Can just walk to my own grocery store? This is
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: pretty cool?
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: Like I live, I really love where I live. I
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: really love Oh, you have a great interaction with your neighbor.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: How amazing is it that I live in a building
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: where actually like the people around it. Like, so you
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: just like if you say how amazing is it? That
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: finish the sentence? How many times can you say that
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: in your day.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: It's actually quite a bit like that challenge.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I think that's so important as well, because if you
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: don't do that, even when you do achieve those really
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: big things that are the future milestones that you were
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: talking about before, you can't be grateful for that because
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: you're not in the emotional place to really even appreciate
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: exactly because you're just burnt out.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: You're not appreciating the small things.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: And you think, when that amazing thing happened, I don't
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: think I even was that excited because there was so
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: much weighing me down.
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: In other ways, Yeah, I've experienced the same where like big,
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: big things have happened, you know, in my life, and
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I just feel like I could have enjoyed
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: it so much more, but I was so like stressed
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: and focused on that thing.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: You're like, done, what's the next?
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: You need to sit with that for longer and really
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: soak it in.
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, snag it up, smack it in.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: But to wrap up the episode, we always like to
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: ask what's the biggest life lesson? But for this episode,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: what's the biggest life lesson You've picked up in your
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: unbothered eraror.
• 34:03
  Speaker 5: I mean, I kind of already knew this. It's not
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: really the biggest life lesson, but I just feel like
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: actual happiness is just always in the subtleties. It's always
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: in the subtleties, and then when big things happen, it's
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: almost like you can laughing, like, look what I've created
• 34:23
  Speaker 5: through the subtle, you know, and the more unbothered I've been, Like,
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: when you're bothered, when things affect you, you don't appreciate
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: the good things that happen. Like if I allowed a
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: negative email to bother me, then someone could write me
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: something really beautiful and all skim over and being like, oh,
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: that's nice, you know, instead of being like, Wow, I
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: didn't really like that email. I'm going to name it
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: entertainment and then I'm going to you know, compartmentalize that
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: and then someone writes something nice to me and I
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: can really sit in it and be like, this is
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: a happy moment for me. This is so I feel
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: like what I've learned is being unbothered really teaches you
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: to be so much happier in the moment, like so
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: much more present in the moment. And it takes training,
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: like it takes you know all these steps that we
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: were talking about, like.
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: Just consistency, because it feels a little.
• 35:05
  Speaker 5: Bit overwhelming at the start if it's someone who overthinks.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: But I think that that, yeah, like you'll become just
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: an overall happier person being unbothered.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Love it. I feel unbothered right.
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: Now, right now.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: But before we let you go, where can the chicks
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: find you? And because you announced something very exciting.
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: So you can find me at my podcast. It's called
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: do You Fucking Mind? Mindset Hacks for a Bad Oss Life?
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: And I am doing a live show too, what around Australia.
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: I'm so excited except Sydney. Sidney will come later in
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: the year because I already did Sydney last year.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: You had your turn.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: But yeah, so it would be Gold Coast, Brisbane, Perth,
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: Adelaide and Melbourne. Very excited Melbourne tickets hows are going crazy,
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: die hard beans in Melbourne. And you can get tickets
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: through my website which is dyfmpod dot com. Yea yeah,
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: and then there's just a page that just live show
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: tickets and then you find your city gorge you click through.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: It's always a pleasure, it's always it's so fun, it's
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: the best. I love it and thank you to m
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: o K made for making this episode of Two Bread
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Chicks happen. We love being in your ear holes, kisses,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: cuddles Next Tuesday.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: See Next Tuesday Chicks. I love you, by by bye