Latest / The Diva Details / Finding Your Perfect Match: The Diva's Guide to Authentic Connections
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details, where bold,
- 0:05confident women embrace life unapologetically.
- 0:09From love and sex to wellness and reinvention, we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
- 0:16No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
- 0:22Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Kat.
- 0:26Aloha, Diva Kat. Hello, Divine Mia. How are you today? I'm good.
- 0:32How has your summer gone? I don't want to drink it. It's like halfway gone.
- 0:37Do you believe it? I know, I know.
- 0:39Enjoy while you can, ladies and gentlemen. I know, but I've been having a good summer.
- 0:43Yeah, we've been having good summer and good weather.
- 0:47I was surprised it's going to be hot, but it's not hot. Because rain actually calmed out a lot.
- 0:53I love the morning walk. I woke my dog in the rain this morning.
- 0:56She would look at me like, I honestly think I've had the best summer because
- 1:00I've been single. Look at you. You're like glowing.
- 1:03I've been so glowing single lady, but I'm still dating.
- 1:08You know, but for me, I think I've gotten to the point where I don't want to
- 1:13waste my time with anyone that's not a growth minded, positive person.
- 1:17And I think we need to limit people's access to us sometimes.
- 1:21I think sometimes we allow people into our lives that don't fit and we let them stay too long. Yeah.
- 1:28Time, it just went by so fast. Time goes fast. And I was actually doing the
- 1:32same thing with friends now.
- 1:33If they're not making me feel good or a growth-minded person, I let them go too.
- 1:38Same goes in everything else. Yeah. So it's not just dating, guys.
- 1:41I think it's important to only put the people in your life that help you grow
- 1:46and that have a similar growth-minded set so you can actually improve yourself.
- 1:51Energy. Energy has to match. Energy is so important. For the horizon to grow. Oh, I like that.
- 1:58The energy between two people has to match. That's allowed the horizon to grow. I love that.
- 2:05I love that. So your energy matches and then your horizon will grow. I love that. Love that.
- 2:12I love that. Love that. Well, I think that we are all looking for alignment, right? Right.
- 2:18And when you're dating out there, it's so complicated because you're also looking for alignment,
- 2:24connection physical attraction whether or
- 2:28not you can actually sit in the same room and tolerate each other
- 2:30and then on top of that do you get along do
- 2:34you really vibe together yeah i think alignment is what we're really focused
- 2:38on we're looking for someone that connects with us someone that's emotionally
- 2:41available yeah someone that's healed from their past traumas and divorces yes
- 2:46and someone that you just vibe with and also someone intelligent okay so i'm
- 2:51creating a big list, aren't I?
- 2:53Yes, you have. I mean, you are. I have this huge list.
- 2:56You know, I think because whoever I choose next is going to be my last one.
- 3:02Hopefully not good, right? Right. Whoever you choose should be someone that
- 3:06you plan to spend a long future with, that you just, you feel good with. I agree.
- 3:11Yeah, so the other thing is, you know, you have to realize that you have to be ready.
- 3:16And who are you and who's your authentic self?
- 3:19And if you can be who you truly are with that person and your authentic self,
- 3:23that says a lot. I think if you have to fake it with someone,
- 3:27it may not be the right fit.
- 3:29It's so funny. That was the first phrase that my yoga instructor always said.
- 3:34My first yoga instructor always said, she goes, arrive as yourself. Be authentic.
- 3:40Remember who you are. That's what she said. So if you can be confident with
- 3:45that person and your true authentic self, I think that goes a long way into
- 3:49finding your person. Yeah.
- 3:51If you feel comfortable. I think that's why a lot of people start off as friends.
- 3:54You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.
- 3:56They start off as friends, and then they can grow into something more.
- 4:00Yeah, my husband and I started off as friends. We hung out for like three years before we committed.
- 4:04Yeah. But the energy was just mad. And you guys were authentic from day one.
- 4:08Yeah. I mean, you pigged out.
- 4:10Yeah, I know. In front of him from day one. Yeah, I did too.
- 4:15And he liked that about you. I know. Isn't that something? Yours, 200.
- 4:19Really? Yeah. And he still loved every bit of you. Yeah, because I eat.
- 4:24Because you eat. Surf and turf. Surf and turf. She's an eater.
- 4:28You found someone that you are authentic with, and he could be authentic with you, too.
- 4:32So I think part of it is when you're with someone, do they make you feel alive?
- 4:37Yeah. Or do they make you feel dread?
- 4:39You want to be with someone that makes you feel alive. And I think you want
- 4:43to be with someone that makes you feel young.
- 4:45Yeah. I know we had the podcast talking about dating younger,
- 4:48but there's some young people that make you feel old.
- 4:52And there's some old people that make you feel young. I agree.
- 4:55Yeah. If the energy match, like at the end of the day, you're just tired from work.
- 5:00You don't need to be like entertaining each other. You could just sit next to
- 5:03each other and don't say anything and put on our favorite show.
- 5:06And that would be just it.
- 5:07Yeah. I like to be playful, though, too. Yeah. I like to go out and have fun.
- 5:11And I think that's powerful. It's inspiring to be with someone that has your
- 5:15same energy or your same flow.
- 5:17Your same vibration, basically. That's what you're looking for.
- 5:21And I think if people that you're with are healed from all their past wounds,
- 5:26I think that that's a huge start, too.
- 5:29Of course. Because no one wants to settle. I don't care whether you're a man
- 5:33or a woman. No one wants to settle. They want to find their person.
- 5:36They don't want to fix, like, you don't want to fix anyone anymore.
- 5:39Yeah, not fixing anyone.
- 5:40And they don't want to fix anyone either. And I kind of want someone who knows
- 5:43who they are, someone who steps into their abilities as a man and owns it.
- 5:51So and here's the thing. Some people say, oh, he's got to have money or,
- 5:54oh, he's got to look this certain way or, oh, he's got to be six foot two or whatever it is.
- 5:58I don't think that's a criteria. That's a fixed thing for me.
- 6:02I think that's more fluid. It's more about the character and the personality
- 6:06as we go a little older. Yeah. That's just an add on, I think. Yeah.
- 6:10Now, also, what happens if they have kids? The kid is tough.
- 6:14The kid is tough. I think you shouldn't be introducing children together for a while. I don't.
- 6:18I think if you both have kids, you should not introduce each other to children,
- 6:23tell you for sure that you're going to be something. Be something.
- 6:28Something like you're several months in. Right.
- 6:30And I don't know if you need to set a time limit, but I know you have to set a vibe feeling.
- 6:35Like you have to be really committed to that relationship.
- 6:39I think when the time, the time will tell you. Time will tell you.
- 6:42Your feeling will know that, okay, this is the time. Yeah.
- 6:45And then there's certain behaviors too. Like we talked about, do they work out?
- 6:50Like I'm kind of fanatical about working out now. I didn't used to always be,
- 6:53but now I'm kind of a workout fanatic. I don't miss days.
- 6:57I'm a gym brat. Yeah, I'm a gym brat. But you're gym brat and work out.
- 7:01I'm not necessarily work out. Yeah, I like to lift.
- 7:05Yeah, you like to go jump around. I like to do yoga though, but I also like to lift a lot of weight.
- 7:10So I need somebody that lifts weights. Here's the other thing.
- 7:13It may sound silly to you, but I am strong and I have strong shoulders.
- 7:17And strong arms. How many times do you do the deadlift? I don't know.
- 7:21I haven't done a deadlift for a while.
- 7:22I only do 20. Oh my gosh. Oh, I could probably at least deadlift 150 to 200 pounds. Easy.
- 7:27Yeah. I like press. I like press like 550 to 600.
- 7:31Holy cow. Yeah. If you want me, it's going to run over you. You better shift up. Yeah.
- 7:35Well, here's the thing. If a guy has smaller shoulders than me,
- 7:39I know this sounds silly, but if their shoulders are not muscular, I'm not interested.
- 7:43It's just a physical attribute. I think that's more important,
- 7:46honestly, than height. Like the built.
- 7:49Have to be built. They have to be a little built because I need somebody that
- 7:52can put their arms around me and make me feel safe.
- 7:54So muscular is important. And I know there's a lot of skinny guys out there.
- 7:58A lot of, I don't know, I call them toothpicks. If their legs are smaller than
- 8:01mine, it's like, I have really muscular legs.
- 8:04I want a guy that has some muscle on his legs too. Yeah.
- 8:07It's funny you say that. We just saw the movie that just came out with Dakota Johnson, Materialist.
- 8:12Materialistic. Okay. Materialistic. Yes. She was a matchmaker.
- 8:17Yeah. So the guy, When she was dating, he actually had a six-inch extension
- 8:21on his leg to make it perfect because, like, appearance is so important.
- 8:26So he, for the movie? He was born short. That's a storyline.
- 8:30He was born, him and his brother was born short. That's how they...
- 8:33So they put bones in to extend there so they could be taller. No, they break it.
- 8:37Yeah, that's how the leg extension... They break the leg and they put the screw in, they extend it.
- 8:43That's a screw to turn little. It's very painful and very expensive.
- 8:46My point was, because of that, that's what he thinks, because he was short and
- 8:51he couldn't find any date.
- 8:52And when that surgery done, complete, that's when he starts to find love, find matches.
- 8:59Well, that's a mindset. I think a lot of people's mindsets are very limiting.
- 9:03Like some people say I'm old or some people say I'm too fat or too short or too stupid or too poor.
- 9:10And that's a mindset. And once you shift your mindset and think of all the blessings
- 9:15that you're gifted and all the things that you have going on in your life,
- 9:19you can, it's an amazing thing. I just want to be big. I'll breathe and healthy.
- 9:23Don't, my bone, my ache, my joy doesn't hurt. That's good for me. Yeah. My God, yes.
- 9:29Yeah, so people's mindset, whether they're where they think they are,
- 9:33it's usually where they're at.
- 9:34And we don't realize law of attraction attracts that, too. Yeah, yeah.
- 9:39I have to say, though, now, like my days, five years ago, it was much easier.
- 9:44Nowadays, it's getting hard.
- 9:45It's getting very hard. The standards are higher.
- 9:48Yeah. Well, I think it's because we've been there, done that with the wrong person. Yeah, yeah.
- 9:53That we're a little bit more cautious when we look for the right person.
- 9:56We're looking for someone that fits on a lot of different levels.
- 10:00And I will say, I used to be more into appearance than I am now.
- 10:03I think appearance is not as big of a thing as long as I can feel safe with them. Yeah.
- 10:08I do want someone that lifts weights, though, just because I lift weights.
- 10:11And I want that to continue till the day I die.
- 10:14So I want someone that's going to be fit and healthy. You want someone to have
- 10:18the same habits, same energy.
- 10:20Yeah, I want to go to work out at the gym with the guy I'm with.
- 10:22I do that with my son, right? I go live lights with my son.
- 10:27So I want to be able to, you know, have some commonalities.
- 10:32Yeah, yeah. So I think that's important. And I think you also need to be the
- 10:36best version of yourself going into a relationship.
- 10:38And then you attract your ideal partner. They just come to you. They just show up.
- 10:42Well, if you're a better person of yourself, I mean, you feel good about yourself,
- 10:45right? Everything else will fall in place. Yeah.
- 10:48Maybe that's why I'm starting to date again because I'm feeling really good
- 10:51about myself. See? You look better. You look good.
- 10:54You're glowing. you know it's time it's time that's what the divorce coach said
- 10:58too it's time i'm not data collecting again and i'm attracting better people
- 11:03i will say that i'm not on the dating apps anymore.
- 11:06Oh, that's awesome. No, that's just terrible. I just don't like the dating apps.
- 11:11It's because it's so superficial.
- 11:13Pictures in there. I think I got off because I had all these 30-year-olds trying
- 11:17to pick me up. And they're more like, what's up?
- 11:21What's up? And hey, let's talk right away. And I'm like, oh, my gosh.
- 11:25And then half their pictures are without shirts on. So I'm like,
- 11:28you're a F boy, as they call it.
- 11:31Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was not into that. And I am a mature woman.
- 11:36I'm not ever going to say I'm too old, but I'm a mature woman with wisdom,
- 11:39and I don't want that. No.
- 11:42I'm not looking for that. I wouldn't mind dating younger, but I don't want him to be an F.
- 11:46I mean, so I think one of the first things, the places to start when you're
- 11:50looking and you're ready and
- 11:52you feel ready to get out there is to get a journal and to make a list.
- 11:57And that list has to be a vision board thing.
- 12:00Well, it's more of a list of your wants in a man.
- 12:03Okay. And you do one column with your wants. Let's say I want him to be six foot two, right?
- 12:09Then you have a column that says, what do I need to be to match that?
- 12:12And you're not going to change your height, obviously.
- 12:14But, you know, maybe I need to be 125 pounds or something like that.
- 12:19Like his height matches your weight. So you have like something.
- 12:23Or I want them to be earning an income. And then I want to be providing for
- 12:27the household and the family.
- 12:28Whatever it is, match. So if they have a happy, bubbly personality,
- 12:33I need to have a happy, bubbly personality.
- 12:35They are energetic, you need to be energetic, right?
- 12:39So balance that out, figure out what you need to be in order to track that right
- 12:42person and see if you're there yet.
- 12:44Because that will help you determine whether or not you're ready to date.
- 12:48I see. And you may not be perfect. Now, I know us as women, remember,
- 12:52we look at a job board and we have to, we fit nine of the 10 criteria to apply for the job.
- 12:57And we won't do it till we get that 10th one in place.
- 12:59Whereas a guy looks at the job board and they fit three of the 10 and they're
- 13:02like, I'm going to go apply for the job.
- 13:04I think if you have eight to nine things out of your 10 or even six to 10,
- 13:09go apply for the job if you're close to being ready, but you will know when you're ready.
- 13:13You may not have everything on your list that you want. Maybe you're still 10
- 13:16pounds overweight or something, or you're still working on your finances,
- 13:20but go out there and apply.
- 13:22Just get out there and feel it and enjoy. Life is short.
- 13:25You don't have to be perfect to attract your perfect man. I agree.
- 13:30You don't have to be perfect because your perfect man is going to be imperfect.
- 13:33That's right. They're not going
- 13:34to be perfect either. They're just going to be the right fit for you.
- 13:37Perfectly imperfect. I'm perfectly imperfect. Yeah.
- 13:41Yeah. So here's an idea. So if everybody can get out their journal,
- 13:45as long as you're not driving.
- 13:46Okay. And let's start on our list. So I'm going to give you some ideas of the
- 13:51wants and nice to haves that you want. And then there's going to be some non-negotiables.
- 13:55And I like to put stars next to the ones that are non-negotiable.
- 13:59For the wants and desires, you can write down as they're nice-to-haves.
- 14:03And if you find somebody that, you know, equals 90 to 95% of this,
- 14:08you might have found your one.
- 14:09Why not? Yeah. So you could do, like, put a star or the heart.
- 14:12Put a star or heart next to the one that's non-negotiable. Yeah.
- 14:16So get your journal, and you're going to make a column. We're going to start with a guy column first.
- 14:20So this is the column, and if you're a man, start with a gal column.
- 14:24And we're going to start with the nice-to-haves.
- 14:26So the first thing you're going to talk about is, are they tall?
- 14:29Okay. How do they dress? Do they have a certain style?
- 14:33Metrosexual, I don't know if they use that term anymore. What metrosexual was,
- 14:36they were very well-dressed.
- 14:38I'm not big on the metrosexual because they tend to be very skinny,
- 14:41model-looking men. And I'm more like a rugged, husky-looking guy.
- 14:45That's more of what I look for. But whatever style they have,
- 14:49that's what you're looking for. Are they artistic?
- 14:52Can they draw? Can they sing? Those are types of, you know, do they have a flair
- 14:56to them? Some women like that gay-looking man, and they like that flair.
- 15:00Some women like more of a rugged-looking man. It just depends on what you're
- 15:03looking for. And what's their height?
- 15:05If in a perfect world, if you could get everything you wanted,
- 15:08what would their height be?
- 15:09I think a lot of women go to six foot, but I'm okay with 5'10 and above, 5'9 and above.
- 15:15I've dated 5'7 and it was fine. It doesn't matter as long as they're taller than me.
- 15:19That's why it's not a requirement, but it is a nice to have if they're six foot tall.
- 15:23You want to hear something? Yeah. My mother-in-law and my father-in-law,
- 15:26they've been together since she was 20.
- 15:29He was 22. Yeah. He's only fat too.
- 15:34She's 5'10". Oh, wow. Yeah. That's fun. Uh-huh.
- 15:38You know, that's out of the norm, but it's fun. I have seen women taller than
- 15:41men. It doesn't bother me. In the family picture, he always stops on the... Does he?
- 15:45Two steps up. Does he? Does he make her feel safe? Yeah.
- 15:49Oh, my God. See, that's, I think, the reason why women are attracted to taller men.
- 15:53That they show the men here when they sit next to each other.
- 15:56Oh, they're all touchy-feely?
- 15:57Well, you can keep doing that if you want. Yeah, like this. And now you've got
- 16:00to remember, now they're both in the 80s. Yeah. They're about 60.
- 16:05Yeah, 60 years at least. And they're still in love.
- 16:08Yeah, they talk to each other. That's because they touch each other nonstop,
- 16:11which means they're still having sex. I don't know about that. You know they are.
- 16:15She has a bad back. Doesn't matter.
- 16:17You're going to be having sex until you're nine. But I don't know.
- 16:21You know how people say as you go older?
- 16:23I feel like, you know, she got taller and he's shrinking. It could be.
- 16:27Because people do shrink. Because he looks very, very short.
- 16:30He's my height and I'm five feet.
- 16:33I'm 5'3 and a half, almost 5'3 and three quarters. I swear I've grown a half
- 16:37inch because I used to be just like a firm 5'3.
- 16:39I think I've grown an inch or so. I'm shrinking.
- 16:43Or maybe a half inch. I think I've grown. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Impossible.
- 16:48Yeah, there's still, so I don't think height is good.
- 16:53I think it should be negotiable. It is a must-have for some. Right.
- 16:57But I do feel like that comes from a desire for a woman to feel protected,
- 17:01A need for a woman to feel safe So if you can find a man that's 5'6 or 5'7 that
- 17:07makes you feel safe I dated a guy that was like 5'7 or 5'8 He made me feel safe
- 17:11He made me feel comfortable He was very chivalrous And the height didn't matter Yeah.
- 17:16Height doesn't matter. For women, it's all about safety and protection.
- 17:19If a guy makes you feel safe and can make you laugh once in a while, it's always good.
- 17:23Prince is only five feet. Prince is pretty hot. He's only five feet tall.
- 17:26He always, well, he's no longer.
- 17:30Rest his soul. I was actually listening to Prince this morning. Yeah, I love him. Yes.
- 17:34So if you don't know who Prince is, you may not like our podcast.
- 17:38Because we have a lot of references like that. Right.
- 17:41So anyway, so same hobby. So I think I like people that have similar hobbies
- 17:47that boy to spend time together doing things.
- 17:50So it may be that you like to go dancing or you like to go hiking or maybe you
- 17:54like to work out at the gym together or you like to read a book or you're into
- 17:59networking or something like that.
- 18:01Similar hobbies really do help. Well, I think hobby is non-negotiable. Yeah. Yeah.
- 18:06Hobbies are important. Yeah, because you want somebody like you wake up next
- 18:12day, it's not the one that you always have to be planning all the time.
- 18:17They have to come together. And then you wake up next day, I don't have breakfast.
- 18:20Okay, let's go for a night, let's walk the door.
- 18:22Someone that you can build a life with, not just a weekend with.
- 18:26Right, the hobby is non-goishable.
- 18:28The hobbies are non-goishable. Now, it doesn't have to be that you all have the same hobby.
- 18:32Right, right. Like, for instance, maybe he likes to go hunting and you like
- 18:36to go shopping. That's a good trade-off right there. Right.
- 18:39My husband and I, he loves snowboarding.
- 18:43And I hate it. But I love to go to ski slope because I like to get dressed up,
- 18:47walk around, shopping, see?
- 18:48Yeah. It doesn't have to be the same. It doesn't have to be the same thing as
- 18:52long as you're together.
- 18:53Right. Yeah. I like that. One of the things, maybe who cooks? I cook.
- 18:58And so he cooks. And you cook and he cleans. Oh, yeah.
- 19:02He's the cleaner. Yeah. No, I can clean toilet the way he does. Oh, my God.
- 19:06Even the cleaning lady. I'm telling you. He's a good cleaner.
- 19:10So you have a trade-off there. So maybe you want someone that cleans, like Katana's husband.
- 19:15Or maybe you want to clean and you want them to cook. Yeah. It could be works
- 19:20pretty. It can work both ways.
- 19:22Or maybe you just want somebody that you can cook together with and have fun.
- 19:25Like my sister, she's a chef. She owned a restaurant, right?
- 19:28But she come home, she doesn't cook. Her husband do all the cooking, everything. Well.
- 19:32So I think those are, you could work it out. You can work it out.
- 19:35I also like adventurous people.
- 19:37Yeah, me too. So people that are adventurous. Now, they don't have to be spontaneous
- 19:42for me because I have children and some things need to be planned.
- 19:46Well, when your children need children, I think you've got to plan.
- 19:49You do. And you've got to plan. Are you going to bring the kids?
- 19:52Are you going to bring them? Is it kid-friendly?
- 19:54You know? Yeah. You have to consider. Yeah. I also, I love adventurous people.
- 20:00I love people that will go out and do stuff that's not normal.
- 20:03Somebody, they'll dance in their car. I was sitting there today.
- 20:07I was in the rain and I have a Jeep truck. and I had the top off, and it was raining.
- 20:12And I was still dancing in my car. People were staring at me like I was crazy.
- 20:15I was like, I'm having fun in life.
- 20:17If you can have a little bit of fun, then shame on you. Go have some fun.
- 20:21Dancing in the rain. I told you, I bought my dog in the rain.
- 20:24Yes. I love it. It's something about the rain. It's so refreshing.
- 20:27Well, it's good for your hair. My hair is so curly now today.
- 20:31Yeah, yeah. And what about, one of the things I had before was someone that
- 20:36spoke a foreign language.
- 20:37When I was in college, that was one of the things I really wanted was a man
- 20:41that spoke a foreign language. So I wanted to date someone that was a foreigner.
- 20:46Isn't that funny? I ended up marrying one, too.
- 20:48Yeah. Yeah. But I needed a man that spoke a foreign language.
- 20:51It was one of my attraction things. Really? Yeah.
- 20:54Yeah. See, for us, growing up in third world country, we all minimum speak three languages. Really?
- 21:00See, that's an attraction thing for me. However, it's kind of shifted to now
- 21:04I just want a man with an accent.
- 21:06They could fake it. They can't fake it, but I like a Southern accent,
- 21:09Southern gentleman accent. I really like that.
- 21:11Oh, I thought you mean like... A European accent? A European accent.
- 21:15I've been there, done that. So now I'm looking for more of a Southern gentleman
- 21:19accent. I like that. Yeah.
- 21:21But I've even liked some New York accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends.
- 21:25I like a little bit of an accent. I like to talk to people that have accents.
- 21:28Yeah. People from Boston, they don't say lobster. They go lobster.
- 21:31Lobster. Or if they have like a sexy man voice.
- 21:34I love sexy man voices. It was on my keyboard. Sexy.
- 21:37Can you? Yeah, you could do Australian. You could do anything on your GPS.
- 21:42I'm going to have to do that. I mean, on your phone when you put on your GPS.
- 21:44Yeah, I'm going to have to do that because I'm like, love an accent.
- 21:48So those are some things. And then I think you don't need to rush.
- 21:51I'm a firm believer that everything happens in God's time.
- 21:56Yes. And I have pushed in my life in the past and tried to rush things and then
- 22:01realized I wasn't ready for it in the first place.
- 22:03So then now I just kind of go with the flow. Like I've had guys that like two
- 22:07for two days on the apps and let's meet tomorrow and it didn't feel comfortable. So I just delayed it.
- 22:12You'll know when it's time. You'll know when you're ready, and you don't have to rush anything. Yeah.
- 22:17No, I think that the time's right.
- 22:21Yeah, and here's the other thing. If you're out there data collecting,
- 22:24as we say, data collecting for your perfect partner, dating,
- 22:27which is also known as data collecting, not everybody's going to be a match,
- 22:31but you might meet some guys that you just want to be friends with.
- 22:33Yeah, that's why all these check marks, all these columns you write down on
- 22:37your journal, they don't have to be your soulmate, but they may end up becoming
- 22:42your friends. Yeah, and that's the thing is, if you're ready to date,
- 22:45you're going to attract better quality people.
- 22:48And those quality people may not all be a perfect fit, but they may lead you
- 22:51to your person or they may just be a really good friend. No,
- 22:54you sound just like Donna.
- 22:56Turning into Donna, dating coach.
- 22:59I'm a scientist, so I believe if you didn't document it, it did not happen.
- 23:04If you don't document it, it didn't happen.
- 23:06Well, now let's talk about some non-negotiables. Now, these things should be
- 23:09on everyone's non-negotiable list, and you get to determine what works for you,
- 23:14but you should have something listed as part of your non-negotiable.
- 23:18Hygiene is non-negotiable. Hygiene is very important. One of the big things
- 23:22is, are they emotionally available?
- 23:24That's huge. Remember, we have that podcast on people that are emotionally available.
- 23:29And those that are emotionally mature and emotionally intelligent.
- 23:32So I think you need to have a section for emotional availability.
- 23:35That means someone that is ready to date.
- 23:38Now, I have dated men that were newly divorced and they were just a wreck.
- 23:44And if they're not ready to date, and I do honestly think if a man was really
- 23:49in love with his wife or if a man got cheated on, it takes them a little longer.
- 23:54I do think that it can take them a couple years to really be ready to date and
- 24:00men try to force it. They really do. They try to rush it even more than women.
- 24:04And if they're not emotionally available, don't mess with it.
- 24:06Because some men may take five or six years.
- 24:09Some men may heal in a year. You just don't know. But if you've dated a man
- 24:12three or four months out of a divorce, you're going to see, oh my God,
- 24:15it's kind of a train wreck.
- 24:16Now you can be their confidant and you can be there to help them,
- 24:20but you don't really want to date them until they've healed.
- 24:23Because otherwise you're just a free therapist. And I think a lot of men are
- 24:27looking for that in women. Especially when they just got out from divorce.
- 24:30Exactly. Exactly. Especially when they just came out of divorce.
- 24:32So make sure they're emotionally available.
- 24:34And then make sure they're emotionally mature. That means if they say they're
- 24:37going to do something, they do it. They show up. They follow through.
- 24:41They're not somebody that's a little boy that you have to hold their hand.
- 24:45And they're not looking for a mother.
- 24:46They're a man that can stand on their own two feet. That's important.
- 24:49Really important. You want a manly man.
- 24:52And I think it's coming for a circle. I think there was an age where women were
- 24:57complaining about toxic masculinity. And then when all the masculine men went
- 25:00away and they weren't dating these women that were woke and complaining about
- 25:04them, the women are like, where are all the men?
- 25:06Yeah. Don't you think this works both ways? The men should have the same list
- 25:09too, don't you think? Men should have the same list. Yeah.
- 25:12They should. Just as a sidetrack note, there was a woman that got attacked on
- 25:16a subway in New York and some guy grabbed her.
- 25:19She was a small thing, right? She was probably 125, 135 pounds, small thing.
- 25:23She was dressed in workout clothes. She was coming back from the gym.
- 25:28She had, I don't know, yoga pants and a T-shirt on. So nothing. Yeah.
- 25:33So this guy grabs her and there were three or four other guys and she's screaming, help, help, right?
- 25:39And three or four other guys beat this guy down.
- 25:42Like they got her away from him because she's like, I don't know him.
- 25:45And he just, it was a random guy. Wow. And he was going to take her home and rape her.
- 25:50Guaranteed. He's been followed? He might have been. Anyway, he grabs her.
- 25:54Because in New York, they're notorious for looking the other way. Yeah.
- 25:58And these three or four guys beat the crap out of this guy. They knocked him down.
- 26:02They got her away. And none of them are being prosecuted. The guy is.
- 26:06Thank goodness. They're changing it, right?
- 26:07So the guys that protected the woman and did the masculine thing,
- 26:11that were very masculine, protected the woman. We need more of that.
- 26:15We need more men. And the guys that protected her didn't know the woman.
- 26:19They just stood up for her. they were strong men
- 26:22they were masculine and they did the right thing and
- 26:25it wasn't in a great part of new york it was kind of
- 26:28in a rough area and i was so proud to
- 26:31see that because it feels like the we've come
- 26:34the pendulum has reversed you know men are actually standing up for women again
- 26:38there was no way this guy was huge there was no way she could fought him off
- 26:41you know unless she'd had decades of karate there was no way he was enormous
- 26:45and these guys that were smaller than him there's three or four of them and
- 26:49they and they were the guys didn't even know each other they just all stepped in.
- 26:52And I was like, thank goodness. And then the guy got arrested and he's going
- 26:57to get prosecuted. And he had raped women in the past.
- 27:01And so this was, they basically saved that woman. She could have ended up dead. Oh my God.
- 27:06So it's, we need more men. We need more people to step up when there's bad situations.
- 27:11We don't need men to like go and brawl for no reason, but we need men that if
- 27:16a woman's in need, that a man can step up and be there for.
- 27:19Yes, definitely. So, yes, masculinity matters.
- 27:23So that should be a non-negotiable for me. I would want a man that always does
- 27:26the right thing in the situation or at least attempts to when there's a problem like that.
- 27:31That's a non-negotiable for me. I
- 27:33don't want a man that lets a woman get kidnapped or towers in the corner.
- 27:37That's not a man to me. That's a little boy.
- 27:40Yeah. So what about honesty? It's huge. Honesty is huge. It is for me.
- 27:44I think it's number one in anything. Honesty and integrity-driven are important.
- 27:49Now, if you want an honest man and you're lying to the man about your intentions,
- 27:53you're not going to attract an honest man because there are women that just
- 27:56want to go out there and play the field.
- 27:58And if you tell a man that you just want to be with them and then they say they
- 28:01want to be with you and you're out there dating around, that's not honesty, ladies.
- 28:06And same for men. If you want to be an integrity-driven man and you're dating
- 28:10and you get to the point in your dating that you're like, I really like this
- 28:13person, be honest and let them know. Don't be dating around when you should
- 28:18be dating with one. Does that make sense? Yes.
- 28:21Honesty, integrity matters. And then I think open communication is crucial.
- 28:26I love it when someone overshares.
- 28:29Yes. Maybe I don't want them to overshare too much about their last relationships,
- 28:33but I like it when they overshare about who they are as a person and they don't hold back.
- 28:39Because then I feel like I connect better with them because I'm a little bit of an overshare myself.
- 28:44And I like to be open and honest. And communication is key.
- 28:48I agree. Here's the thing. I think a lot of people hold back.
- 28:50They hold back. So the hold back people, I think they're not ready.
- 28:54Because they're like insecure how to tell.
- 28:56Yeah, I think they hold back because they're afraid if they let the other person
- 29:00know who they really are that the other person won't like them. Right.
- 29:03But my belief is if this is the right person and I tell them who I am and they don't like me.
- 29:09Quickly, I tell them right away and they don't like me right away, that's okay.
- 29:14Because then I get to move quicker onto the next. If they do like me,
- 29:17then we have something we can explore.
- 29:19If they don't, because I'm a little bit of a, I'm not a ball buster,
- 29:22but I'm a little bit of, I don't know, alpha female, if you will.
- 29:25I'm pretty confident and I know what I want. I know who I am.
- 29:30I know what I'm looking for.
- 29:32And when people try to play games with me, I just walk And I don't look back.
- 29:36So if someone wants to play games, I'm not a good fit.
- 29:41It just doesn't work. So you got to know who you are and you got to be confident
- 29:46with who you are and open and honest. Yeah.
- 29:49Honesty is number one to me. I think financial fiscal responsibility helps, too. Yeah.
- 29:55So when somebody is overspending or not employed or not working towards something,
- 30:01I think that that can be a problem.
- 30:03I don't want to take on somebody's debts. I don't think someone should take on your debts, ladies.
- 30:07And that's the truth. I know a lot of women out there looking for men that have
- 30:10money because they want somebody to save them.
- 30:12And help them with this financial situation. Well, I do believe when you merge
- 30:17families or merge, yes, you own each other's debt.
- 30:21But try to come into the marriage debt-free.
- 30:24You have to be, to me anyway, my experience, you have to be financially independent
- 30:29to walk into a relationship.
- 30:31Because it's not fair for the other, don't you think? What financial independence is?
- 30:35Like, I don't know what your expectation, but for me, financial independence is, I live very simple.
- 30:40I mean, like, I had no debt. I work a little bit, just enough for me.
- 30:44Or I work a lot, just I need a lot, but I don't have debt.
- 30:47Why I think someone needs financial independence.
- 30:50Why? Because then no one can control them. Yeah.
- 30:54And a lot of women come out of divorce, and they're dependent on their ex-husbands.
- 30:59And if you're financially independent, all that a man can offer you is how they treat you. Yeah.
- 31:05And if they treat you bad, you can just walk away. If you're financially dependent
- 31:09on a man, it's harder to walk away.
- 31:11It's true. I actually had a good friend of mine, actually. She's always been a stay-at-home mom.
- 31:16But when she come out from divorce, she had nothing.
- 31:19She had to go find a job, start a new life. Yeah. But she hangs on to the next
- 31:23guy she sees that she thinks they could be able to take care of her right away.
- 31:27She needs to do it that way.
- 31:28Well, the problem with that is then you're dependent on someone else.
- 31:32And if they treat you badly, you'll stay.
- 31:35I know she's very, very unhappy, but she has to stay.
- 31:39Because she doesn't make her own money. Yeah. And if you can get to the point,
- 31:42ladies, and there's so many ways to make money in this world.
- 31:45Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So many ways.
- 31:46If you can get to the point where you make your own money, and maybe you don't
- 31:49live a luxurious lifestyle, out, but you live at a point where if you needed
- 31:53to, you could walk away from an abusive relationship.
- 31:56That's where you have to stay. Don't let money hold you.
- 31:58Don't let money hold you back. And then when you're dating, it's wonderful.
- 32:03Because when I'm looking at a man and I'm data collecting, right,
- 32:06I'm looking at how he treats me and how he makes me feel.
- 32:10If he doesn't treat me well or make me feel good, why would I be in a relationship with him? Yeah.
- 32:15Because I'm happy by myself. So I need somebody that makes me feel good because
- 32:19I feel good by myself. If they make me feel bad, I don't want to.
- 32:23Yeah, that's another one. I mean, that's going backwards, right? Right.
- 32:27Why would I go from a happy status and a happy stage into a relationship with
- 32:32a man that doesn't make me feel good, that doesn't make me happy?
- 32:35If they change my emotional state or take away my peace, then I don't stay in
- 32:41a relationship with them.
- 32:42Now, peace can mean a lot of different things because I have peace through chaos.
- 32:46Yeah, I do. I have peace through chaos, meaning that I have joy,
- 32:50I have peace, but I get a lot of stuff done.
- 32:53You have 10 projects going on. I do a lot of stuff. I don't know if I have 10,
- 32:56but I do a lot of stuff all the time. And I'm always working,
- 32:59always doing stuff, always getting stuff done.
- 33:01And I enjoy that. That actually makes me thrive. When I don't have anything
- 33:04to do, which is very rare, but if I have nothing to do, I go a little bonkers
- 33:10and then I find something to do. But I always have something to do.
- 33:13And that's peace through chaos. Now, some people's idea of peace is sitting,
- 33:19meditating for two or three hours a day.
- 33:21Or playing manchong. Or playing manchong, which drives me nuts.
- 33:24I'm the yang to your yin. And some people, you know, they can do that.
- 33:29Punchong is like shut your brain. Yes, I can't shut off my brain.
- 33:34Actually, can't is a bad word. I am currently unable to shut off my brain,
- 33:38and I choose to keep my brain functioning at its level.
- 33:41And, you know, if you have kids, I think there's a little bit more chaos than
- 33:44if you're single and your kids are grown.
- 33:45So you're going to realize, ladies, if you're looking for a man and you have
- 33:49children, you may be looking for a man with children, too.
- 33:51Because it takes a big man to step into a role when they don't have children
- 33:56and you have children because it's a shift for them.
- 33:59Yes. They have to shift their whole peaceful, perfectly clean house into bringing
- 34:04children in that are going to meck it up.
- 34:06Or if you have pets, if you have dogs, if they don't have dogs,
- 34:09they're not going to like your dogs.
- 34:11And if you have animals, they may be like, oh, I don't like hair.
- 34:15I've had guys like that, too. They get a hair on them and they freak out.
- 34:19That's not going to be a good fit because I have chaos. I love my chaos.
- 34:23It's fun chaos. But it's controlled and calm, peaceful chaos.
- 34:27Because it's so loving, right? I have such a loving house. And that's what I enjoy.
- 34:33Yeah. The house is not for sure house to leave. The house is everything.
- 34:38Yeah. Three cats, three dogs. Oh, yes. I have a zoo.
- 34:41But I enjoy having fun. Yeah. And it's part of my adventurous nature,
- 34:47I think, to have things going on.
- 34:49And that's why someone has to be adventurous with me.
- 34:52And they also have the like to travel. That's another requirement.
- 34:55Travel is a requirement.
- 34:56Traveling is a requirement. There are some people, you take them traveling and
- 34:59they get so much anxiety that it's painful to travel with them.
- 35:03I travel with one of our friends. She's actually a very good friend of mine.
- 35:07She has so bad anxiety. The flight doesn't leave till 10 p.m.
- 35:12She has to be at the airport by 6 p.m. Oh, my gosh.
- 35:15Yeah, and she's not good on a traveling day. Everything else, she's a sweetheart.
- 35:20Yeah. Yeah. Now, I travel in style.
- 35:24I always travel with too much luggage. We know. Yes. I travel with too much
- 35:30stuff, and I'm okay with it.
- 35:31It only bothers sometimes my travel partners. But, you know,
- 35:34I usually travel with three bags because I can.
- 35:37Because I travel enough that I'm an executive-level premier,
- 35:41right? Three bags for, like, weekends?
- 35:44Oh, no. No. It's one bag for a weekend. If I'm going for a week, it's probably two bags.
- 35:50If I'm going for two weeks, it's probably three. So I like to travel.
- 35:54I travel with a lot of stuff and it's okay because I don't have to pay for my luggage.
- 35:58That's also why. And then I get to the airport an hour and a half in advance
- 36:01and then I go sit in the lounge and then I don't get to the gate until they start boarding.
- 36:05Right. And I flow like that. Right. I don't want to board early.
- 36:09I don't like to sit in a plane for 30 minutes before it takes off.
- 36:12I board right at the time it's boarding for my group, which is usually group
- 36:16one. And I like to board and that's my flow.
- 36:20Let me ask you do you really use all those three
- 36:23bags all the stuff that in that three bags and when
- 36:25you get there you still buy new stuff to do well usually
- 36:29i i bring bags like an extra bag i bring a bag i'll stick i'll usually travel
- 36:33there with two bags and i'll come back with three so i'll stick like a small
- 36:37bag inside the other bags and then yeah i mean one bag is for like all your
- 36:41beauty products your cosmetics and every time i go somewhere i kind of treat
- 36:45it as a spa if they have a nice tub.
- 36:48I'm going to be like doing my own facials. I'm going to do like extra skin care
- 36:52regimen. I take all my vitamins.
- 36:54Might take snorkel gear. I might take, depending on where I'm going,
- 36:57I might take that type of stuff. And then I have one bag of clothes and shoes.
- 37:02They're not expanded when I go. And then they're always expanded when I come back. No. Yeah.
- 37:07And next time I'm going to actually take more on the cruise so I don't have
- 37:09to bring back nine bags. I can bring back three instead of...
- 37:12That's what we should have done. You know, get a bag.
- 37:15And get a... I was going to buy a suitcase when I was there. You could fit in there.
- 37:21That's what I do. That's why it leaves the bigger bag empty so you could buy stuff.
- 37:26Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'll do next time. So next time we'll do that.
- 37:28Next time. Yeah. So you need to have a good traveler.
- 37:31Traveling partners are important, especially as we get older, ladies.
- 37:34Especially as we get older, ladies, because you're going to be empty nesters one day.
- 37:39And you're going to want to travel and explore and see life.
- 37:43And that's going to be important.
- 37:45Yeah. It's going to be so very important.
- 37:48The other thing is, I think it's important to have someone that works out because
- 37:52you want to be with them for a while.
- 37:54And if somebody's not healthy or into fixing their health, if they have health
- 37:58issues, you're not going to be with them.
- 38:00They're not going to last very long. And I want to live to 150.
- 38:03I don't know about you. No, no, I can't do that. I'm going to 150.
- 38:07I cannot do that. I would not do that. You currently do not believe you want
- 38:11to do that. But when you get to 100 and you still got your mind about you.
- 38:15And you're still in shape. I do. Think if you would look like our friend Renee
- 38:19and you're 100 years old. No old speak.
- 38:21I love her. No old speak. No old speak. That's your line.
- 38:24She's 100 years old. Let's say you're 100 years old. You look just like Renee.
- 38:28You have her energy and vibration. Yeah.
- 38:30Would you be okay with that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So here's the thing.
- 38:34Our friend is 73 years old. She's proud and loud about that.
- 38:38She's a bodybuilder. And she's got the energy of a 20-something-year-old.
- 38:43I mean, she's magnetic. she's got such a good vibration she
- 38:46flows in life and the reality is
- 38:49that never happened before do you
- 38:52remember when we were younger if we saw 70 year
- 38:54olds they were like on their last leg they were all hunched
- 38:57over they all had osteoporosis now you still have that don't get me wrong yeah
- 39:02but the vibrant vitality of some of the in shape people that are still lifting
- 39:07weights and lifting they're doing quite well i think in this that's what you
- 39:11say is very important you have to be with the people who are healthy and they have this energy.
- 39:16I mean, you stay with people, not like they're 22, they just want to sit on
- 39:20the couch and play video games.
- 39:22Yeah, no, I expect any person that I'm with, I want to help them feel young
- 39:26and I want them to help me feel young. Yeah.
- 39:28That's the thing. If someone makes me feel old, I don't want to be with them. Yeah, no.
- 39:33That's the big thing. So they said after you're 50, you need to start lifting
- 39:37weights because your bones and all that stuff. You need to start lifting weights
- 39:40when you're 12, as far as I'm concerned. and you never should stop.
- 39:44You should start lifting weights when you're 12 and never stop.
- 39:47If you really want to stay strong and healthy and in shape, weightlifting is
- 39:51a must. Minimum of three times a week.
- 39:53Minimum. Yeah. Minimum. And
- 39:55you should lift heavy because when you lift heavy, you get stronger bones.
- 39:59And yes, ladies, you may get a little thicker. It may not be a toothpick and
- 40:03a twig, but by the time you're 50, you'll be glad you did because then you're going to stay in shape.
- 40:07You're not going to be sagging. You're not going to be sagging.
- 40:09Your metabolism is going to be up.
- 40:11Yeah. And you might have muscles and that's okay because what the new trendy
- 40:15thing has to be in shape and healthy.
- 40:17It's no longer to be these stick twigs that are frail by the time they're 50 or 60.
- 40:23They look so brittle, isn't it? They can look brittle and by the time you're
- 40:2570 you're going to have osteoporosis because your bones are weak.
- 40:28Yeah, that's true. So remember that lifting weights and lifting heavy is important.
- 40:32And then we had a podcast about swinging. Yeah.
- 40:36Yeah, we did that. And the opposite of swinging is monogamy.
- 40:40So are you wanting to find a partner that's monogamous and just monogamous with you?
- 40:45Or you want to find a partner that's more of an open relationship,
- 40:49swinger type person that's into you going out and exploring things and them
- 40:55going out and exploring things.
- 40:56For me, I just want one person. I don't need the mess.
- 41:00I'm more of a monogamous type of person, but to each their own and we're not going to judge.
- 41:04So that should be on your need list because you do not want to go find a man and who you are,
- 41:12and you like to be with multiple people and that's going to be a non-negotiable
- 41:15for you for the rest of your life and then you go find a man that wants monogamy
- 41:18that's not fair right because then you're going to end up cheating on them and
- 41:21hurting the poor soul and people do enough damage to each other without intentionally
- 41:26doing it so you need to be intentional about this list yeah be truthful Be truthful.
- 41:32Make this list specifically for exactly what you're looking for.
- 41:36Do not be playing games with someone's heart. It's cruel.
- 41:39Probably one of the cruelest things people can do. If you're not interested,
- 41:42let them know and move on. If you like the person, let them know.
- 41:46It's not a game at our age. No. The games are done.
- 41:49Yeah, no time for games. There's no time for games. If you like the person,
- 41:53let them know. And if they choose that they don't like you, that's okay. Walk away.
- 41:56There's no need to stick around with someone that doesn't mesh or align with you.
- 41:59No. So what do you think? Anything else we need to add to our list?
- 42:03I think location is important.
- 42:05If somebody's not within, I don't know, half hour, 45 minutes of where I live.
- 42:09Yeah, I know. I don't, I'm not dating.
- 42:11Plus, they could be a scammer if they're in Europe.
- 42:14No long distance. No long distance. Yeah.
- 42:16And food-wise, you have to like the same food. You have to like,
- 42:19well, food doesn't really matter.
- 42:21Because you don't eat. I have to have someone who could eat the way I do.
- 42:25You do love to eat. You're a foodie.
- 42:27So, but what I was going to say is that like when I got married,
- 42:31one of the things I did like about my ex-husband was that he helped expand my
- 42:35palate and introduced me into all different kinds of restaurants and places to go eat.
- 42:41And I expanded my palate.
- 42:43So they don't have to like what you like, but they have to be willing to try.
- 42:47Try. Yeah, because not everybody likes the same food, but at least they're adventurous
- 42:51enough to go out there and try.
- 42:53If you want to find someone, they don't have to be exactly like you,
- 42:57but they have to be open to being, having fun with you and adventurous with
- 43:03you and trying new things and open to change.
- 43:05And again, you may not want someone open to change.
- 43:08You may not want someone with a growth mindset because the growth mindset,
- 43:12people are always trying to do more and do better. You may want someone that's
- 43:15comfortable and safe. Right.
- 43:18And that's okay. Because if you have a comfortable, safe mindset and you find
- 43:22someone with a comfortable, safe mindset, it might be a math. Mm-hmm.
- 43:26It's just, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for the 1% that has
- 43:30that really big growth mindset. And they're hard to find.
- 43:33Yeah, they also need to be blend in with your family, too, and respect your
- 43:36family. That's not necessary.
- 43:38No. I'm the big thing with families. Yes. For you, it is, but that's not necessary for me.
- 43:44So for me, because I don't live near family, right? My family's far,
- 43:49far away. I'm here all by myself.
- 43:52So for me, I don't need someone to mesh with family.
- 43:57You, your family's integral. You see your family every week.
- 44:00There's family everywhere. Yeah, everywhere. So they're everywhere.
- 44:04And then you get together with them for gatherings. You hang out with them.
- 44:07So they would have to be integral to your family and mesh.
- 44:11But for someone like me, not so much. And even when I go see my family,
- 44:14if they don't get along with my family, I'd be okay with it because we only see them once a year.
- 44:18Yeah, you just go in a hotel. Yeah, we just go stay at a hotel.
- 44:21See, that's not a requirement for me, but it might be for some people. For me, it is.
- 44:24So that's another requirement. So Diva Kat, if she was dating again,
- 44:28which she's never going to date again because she already found her perfect
- 44:31man, but she would have to find someone that went along well with her family. What about religion?
- 44:36Doesn't matter. So religion doesn't matter to you. What about spirituality?
- 44:39Same spiritual. So there's a thing that has kind of evolved over time is that
- 44:44some people require someone to be Catholic and then they have to find only marry
- 44:49a Catholic or they're Jewish and they only want to marry a Jewish person.
- 44:52It doesn't matter anymore. depends on the person because
- 44:55some people still stick to that right i want someone
- 44:58spiritual yeah i don't care what
- 45:01religion they are as long as they're not shoving
- 45:05it down everyone's throat that they talk to i want someone spiritual
- 45:08i want them to believe in god for sure yeah and i want someone that is connected
- 45:14because i'm very spiritual i have so much faith in me i believe that everything
- 45:20comes in the right way and the universe or God will, it comes at the right time.
- 45:25I have such a strong core belief in faith. That's why I just let things flow and I don't force it.
- 45:30So for me, I need someone that believes that kind of same mindset.
- 45:34Now, I don't quote scriptures often because I don't know scripture often.
- 45:39I remember some of the Bible stories and things like that, but I couldn't quote
- 45:44scripture like some people memorize scripture and that's okay.
- 45:47And they would have to be okay with that in me.
- 45:49It's just not me. I can quote...
- 45:52Programming i can quote technology i can quote
- 45:55financial growth and business and things
- 45:58like that and stop prices all right but don't ask me to quote the bible because
- 46:04it's not integral into what i need spiritually now for me belief is more spiritual
- 46:08yeah the bible and then some people you know it might be a completely different
- 46:13religion right right you could have a hindu married to a Muslim,
- 46:16you could have a Catholic married to a Jew, and they get along just fine.
- 46:21Because spirituality, they're balanced and they're aligned. But it is something to think about. Yeah.
- 46:26But some people, it's important to them, though. They have to be the same religion.
- 46:29It is important to some people. What about political affiliation?
- 46:32We don't talk politics. You don't with your partner? Or you don't want to hear?
- 46:35You don't talk. We don't talk politics.
- 46:37Ever? Ever. With your partner. So politics is important for some.
- 46:41And I think that I will say, if you're in a relationship with someone,
- 46:47it is going to be a little easier if they're both conservative or they're both liberal.
- 46:50Because politics has taken on a religious connotation.
- 46:54Now, it's the same idea. Maybe you're both moderate. Maybe one's liberal and
- 46:59one's conservative, but you're right around the middle.
- 47:01That might work. But I'm telling you, if you're far right and they're far left,
- 47:06I'm not seeing that come together in the middle.
- 47:08So just realize that political affiliation may matter. Yes.
- 47:12You may get into heated debates. It could end a relationship.
- 47:16So you may want to put political affiliation down. It may not be a must-have,
- 47:20but it may be a want. Yeah.
- 47:22Maybe put in like a small fine print. A small fine print. I would like someone
- 47:26that's right down the middle.
- 47:28Yeah. Right down the middle. Right down the middle. You're not asking much.
- 47:31I would ask about political affiliation because it doesn't matter a little to
- 47:35me, but it's not an end. I have friends that are across the spectrum.
- 47:38Yeah. I have far left friends. I have far right friends.
- 47:41I'm in the middle, but we don't talk politics.
- 47:43If someone has a specific political affiliation, that's fine.
- 47:47I lean a certain way on some issues, and I lean the other way on the other issues.
- 47:51So it just depends on what the issue is. You only can't stop market.
- 47:54I care about the stock market. I care about trading. I care about business.
- 47:59Yeah, that's more important to me than the political affiliation.
- 48:03And what policies are being implemented that will affect the stock market matter more to me as well.
- 48:09So those are things that you may want to get in financial literacy.
- 48:12Yeah, financial, I think it's much.
- 48:14So here's the thing. Some women don't care because they're going to be the ones
- 48:17taking care of the finances for the household.
- 48:19Whereas some men will say, I'm going to be taking care of the finances for the
- 48:23household. So that will matter.
- 48:25And some women are financially illiterate and they have to have a man that's
- 48:29financially, extremely financially literate to take over the finances or they won't function.
- 48:33Like if they don't have a strong financial man, they won't be able to survive.
- 48:37Some women's like that, though.
- 48:39A lot of people I know. So I took care of the finances.
- 48:43In my household, and I don't want to. I would like to have a balance or,
- 48:48yeah, I would like a balance.
- 48:49I'm okay to keep an eye on the finances and help managing them,
- 48:52but I would like a man that's also financially literate.
- 48:55I guess that's kind of what I want. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't want somebody
- 48:58that's just financially clueless that leaves bills piling up.
- 49:02I don't like that type of thing. No, no, no.
- 49:04No. I need to know what my bill is. I might not pay bills, but I need to know
- 49:07what it is. Yeah. I mean, you got to know what common goals. Yeah.
- 49:11Now, do you want a person that challenges you? I do. You do?
- 49:15I want a person that always challenges me to do better.
- 49:18And I want to be able to challenge a man to do better. I'm too bad.
- 49:22I know. You like your whatever game it was. It's much, huh?
- 49:27Yeah. I want somebody that we wake up in the morning and we say,
- 49:30how can we make this the best day ever? Okay. Yeah.
- 49:32I like a person that challenges me. And, you know, it matters, those types of things.
- 49:37Yeah. To me, it's not. I just want to wake up healthy. You want someone to support
- 49:41you. Yes. That's important, too.
- 49:45Supporting mentally, physically, financially, sexually. Don't forget about the
- 49:50sexually. That means physically.
- 49:51That's someone. Okay. so yeah someone that
- 49:54supports you and then what about argument style now
- 49:58arguments are going to happen and there are men that
- 50:01get aggressive and there are women that get aggressive i've seen on tiktok and
- 50:05stuff women hey men and the men are just trying to push the woman off and i
- 50:09i was beyond myself i was like that's not how you treat a partner but that's
- 50:12my belief system right you shouldn't be hitting someone no you should not be
- 50:16man or woman yeah or woman so argument style matters.
- 50:20And you really don't know someone. Actually, I had a friend tell me this.
- 50:24He might be listening to this podcast.
- 50:25He said, you don't know if you're in a good relationship until after your first
- 50:29argument. And you see how they handle the argument.
- 50:31Are they listening to you? Are they receptive? Or are they attacking you?
- 50:35Are they blaming you for the argument?
- 50:37Are they going after you? And not that I want you to induce an argument,
- 50:41but you may be dating somebody for three months and not argued yet.
- 50:44And when you have your first argument, how is the behavior?
- 50:47And that goes to emotional maturity too that shows a
- 50:50lot though it does yeah so how do
- 50:53you handle an argument and how do they handle an argument
- 50:56i was in a relationship with someone that would always try to push my buttons
- 50:59and whenever i'd bring anything up would attack me i couldn't say anything so
- 51:03i ended up just not arguing you're just not talking and i withdrew and the relationship
- 51:09ended because of it because i was just like i couldn't even bring anything up
- 51:13so i couldn't be my authentic,
- 51:14open, honest self because if we ever had a discussion, it would turn into a
- 51:18fight and they would be attacking me.
- 51:21And that's not maturity, emotional maturity either. So you have to realize that
- 51:25you should be able to bring up conflict.
- 51:27You should be able to bring up issues. If they did something you don't like,
- 51:31you should be able to bring it up.
- 51:32If you do something they don't like, they should be able to bring it up and
- 51:35you should be emotionally mature to handle it. This is a growth thing.
- 51:39You should be able to be truthful to each other. You should.
- 51:44Regardless of what you feel.
- 51:45You should. And anger happens. It happens.
- 51:49But it shouldn't be rage. And you shouldn't be screaming at a person.
- 51:53You might yell once or twice. Don't get me wrong. People get a little heated once in a while.
- 51:57But if you find yourself yelling at the other partner every day,
- 52:00you guys need to see therapy or you need to part ways.
- 52:04Because if you're in a marriage even and your conflict is at that level,
- 52:08that's not emotionally helpful for either side. Yeah.
- 52:12And it's going to do damage to both sides. So just remember that a marriage
- 52:16and even a long-term loving relationship, you should have a level of respect for each other.
- 52:22And respect comes through when you argue as well. Yeah, smoking is a no-no for
- 52:26me. Smoking? What about drinking?
- 52:29Drinking, occasional drinking, yes. Like social drinking, but not like you have
- 52:33to be drunk. No alcoholic. Yeah.
- 52:35Yeah. But that's a line of emotional maturity too, is can you handle your vices?
- 52:39Right. I don't like smokers either.
- 52:42No. I don't like, and this may offend people, I'm not into marijuana smokers
- 52:45because I'm allergic, right?
- 52:46So I have heart palpitations when somebody's smoking marijuana around me.
- 52:50I actually have to get away, which sucks when you go to the big cities now because
- 52:53it's open smoke everywhere. Like I went to Chicago.
- 52:56You could just smell it. And you walk down the street and people are puffing
- 52:59away. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this stinks. Don't go to Vegas.
- 53:02Yeah. Vegas is worse. Vegas is terrible.
- 53:05So, but yeah, so if somebody's a marijuana smoker or a cigarette smoker, I don't know.
- 53:11Oh. Plus it does brain, changes your brain too when you're on marijuana too.
- 53:14They've done studies on that. Yeah, so those are requirements.
- 53:18And then we've talked about if you could find your ideal partner today,
- 53:21what would they look like?
- 53:22I know what mine looks like. What's yours looks like? So I don't think I'm as
- 53:25much on looks as I used to be.
- 53:27I would like someone taller than me. I would like someone with bigger shoulders than mine.
- 53:31I would like somebody that's kind of a bodybuilder, but they don't have to be.
- 53:35As long as they're healthy and working out and doing the necessary things,
- 53:40and they don't have excuses.
- 53:42See, for me, a victimhood excuse type person that's always living in their excuses,
- 53:47I don't want that type of person because excuses are just a person's way of
- 53:51justification of their laziness. That's my line.
- 53:54If they want to justify laziness, that's not the right fit for me.
- 53:58So if they have a problem, great. Let's find a solution. We'll come up with
- 54:03a game plan and we'll fix it.
- 54:05If they don't want to apply the fix and they just want to live in their excuses,
- 54:09then it's not a good fit yeah i agree yeah
- 54:12and then you know there's there's the emotional side
- 54:15which is kind of what we talked about how true they are to who
- 54:18they are as a person as well as are they emotionally mature and then
- 54:21there's the spiritual and there's also the lifestyle what kind of lifestyle
- 54:25are they affluent enough for you to match so for me i want someone that has
- 54:31a certain level of income so that we can match now is it a requirement no but
- 54:36if i'm taking care of a man, they're going to have to offer something.
- 54:40Kind of like women. To women, if a man is financially supporting you,
- 54:43what are you offering in exchange for that support?
- 54:47Does that make sense? Yes. So if I'm taking care of a man financially,
- 54:51maybe they're supporting my business or helping me grow in other ways.
- 54:55There has to be a trade-off.
- 54:57So yes, I want somebody though that can travel with me.
- 55:01That's a big one. Yeah. And pay for themselves. And pay for themselves.
- 55:04Yeah yeah and take me for dinner once in a while yeah
- 55:07yeah i like that too i like that and then
- 55:11what about sexually sexually so much so this is the tricky part right so let's
- 55:16say you've met someone and you've been dating for a month or so and you haven't
- 55:20been intimate maybe you've kissed them a few times and they excite you and then
- 55:23sexually they don't do it for you what would you do well i would reference our
- 55:27podcast on toys right yeah,
- 55:30Because if they check every single box except for that, you're going to want to work it out.
- 55:36Although I do say sexually it matters too. Yeah, I think it does.
- 55:40You should have done what you need. Well, here's the thing, ladies.
- 55:43And let's get blunt. A lot of men don't want to go on hormone replacement therapy.
- 55:47And we have a podcast on that as well.
- 55:49We have a lot of podcasts out there. So a lot of men don't want to do HRT or
- 55:54testosterone replacement therapy, which is TRT.
- 55:57And they need to. It not only helps fix the little boy downstairs,
- 56:01but it also helps with their muscle maintenance.
- 56:04It helps them with their bones. It helps them with their mind.
- 56:08They've done studies where people that are on hormone replacement therapy,
- 56:11they stay mentally acute and alert for longer.
- 56:15You have to, once you're on that, you have to stay consistent.
- 56:18You're going to stay consistent on that.
- 56:20And I highly recommend, heck, I'm on hormone replacement therapy myself.
- 56:24So it's a thing that happens for people as they get older.
- 56:28And then there's also Viagra. If the little boy's not working.
- 56:32Check with your doctor at the Viagra. You do. Make sure you don't get hot of
- 56:35it. There is actually some natural versions.
- 56:38Viagra? Of Viagra that are organic. That all it does is actually increase blood flow.
- 56:44And it doesn't have the side effects of Viagra or whatever the other ones. I don't even remember.
- 56:48But there's some natural health things that you can do.
- 56:51And I'll have to look them up at a later time. I mean, we'll talk about him
- 56:54in a later podcast when we talk about erectile dysfunction, which is coming.
- 56:58And I do believe that there are things you can do to help.
- 57:02And honestly, sex, you should realize you're going to be having sex for the
- 57:07next 30 to 40 to 50 years of your life.
- 57:09If you're 50 years old, don't expect it to only last five or 10 more,
- 57:13guys. It's going to last for a while.
- 57:15So make sure you have a partner that you can be sexually happy with. That's true.
- 57:20There's other things you can do as well, but just make sure you mesh sexually.
- 57:25And, you know, here's the thing. Once you get to that level,
- 57:28and it may take a person two, three, four months before they have sex with someone.
- 57:31I don't know what your time limit is. You may even wait till you get married. I don't know.
- 57:35But once you get there, if you wake up in the morning, how do you feel?
- 57:39That's a big one for me. If you're laying next to a partner and you wake up
- 57:42in the morning, you smile. Yeah. Or they make you happy.
- 57:44Or they make you laugh. That's important. Very important. Wake up together is
- 57:48amazing. That's important. You have to wake up happy together.
- 57:52Yeah. And I think you need to be respectful and proud of your partner,
- 57:55someone that brings you joy and energy and gives you a good vibe.
- 58:00Yeah. So I wanted to go over, kind of wrap this up, just some daily affirmations.
- 58:05When you're starting to grow into your partnership with someone.
- 58:08You need to realize that and say to yourself in the mirror, I am worthy of deep, soul-aligned love.
- 58:13Isn't that a good one? Yeah, I like that. I attract emotional,
- 58:17available, loving partners that match and align with me. And I like that one too.
- 58:22I am ready to give and receive extraordinary love.
- 58:26You should write it on your mail. Yeah.
- 58:28I got to read, especially the receive part. Yeah. Because I've been with so
- 58:31many takers that I'm really looking to find a giver.
- 58:35Oh, that's another thing I should put on my must-have. It must be a giver. No more takers.
- 58:39You're done with takers. I'm so done with takers. Yeah. That's the blessing.
- 58:42When you get ladies if you've gone through a divorce even if it
- 58:45was a nasty one that's a lesson take it as a
- 58:48lesson that's a blessing because you look back you know
- 58:50like i shouldn't allow that you shouldn't allow that so my next
- 58:53partner i've learned my lesson yeah and now i know what i want it's okay to
- 58:58make mistakes as long as you learn yes and then i think you should create a
- 59:01vision board we should i never done one actually well we should have a vision
- 59:04board party you sit around and you drink well non mocktails for me but yeah
- 59:09you have a vision board party And you have all the things you can cut out and
- 59:12you can grab pieces from anywhere.
- 59:13I had one with our other friend, our other diva friend.
- 59:17And yeah, you can rewrite your vision. You can put things on there.
- 59:20You can visualize who you want to be, who you want your partner to be.
- 59:23Now, I wouldn't put a head on it unless you know exactly who you're going after.
- 59:26Because if you put Tom Selleck up there, although that's pretty dating me. Mine's Brad Pitt.
- 59:30Yeah, she's going to put it. I had to go see F1. You had to see that movie.
- 59:34That was the first day coming out. I saw that. She's in love with Brad Pitt. Yeah.
- 59:38No, she's in love with her husband first. So, yeah, whatever you want to reflect
- 59:42on, and then you'll attract.
- 59:44Now, if you want somebody, you know, that has his own jet, maybe you put that on there.
- 59:48If you want to have your own jet, maybe you just do that. Have your own jet,
- 59:51and then your partner can come and fly on your jet with you.
- 59:54My vision balls right now is going to be vacation, vacation, vacation.
- 59:57Now, one of the things that our coach said, our divorce coach on a few episodes
- 1:00:01ago, she said keep this list with you.
- 1:00:04So you might want to take a picture of it and look at it when you're in the
- 1:00:07supermarket. and pull out your phone and take a look at it.
- 1:00:09You may want to have a piece of paper or you write the list out again and then
- 1:00:13you're going to revise it.
- 1:00:14So you're going to go on dates and you're going to say, okay,
- 1:00:17I was data collecting on this date and I went out with this person and oh my
- 1:00:21gosh, he opened every car door for me. He opened the door.
- 1:00:24He stood up when I sat down. He was such a gentleman, very chauvrisque man.
- 1:00:28Maybe that goes on your required list. Sometimes you need to step away from
- 1:00:32a relationship as well to just kind of analyze it and see what you like and
- 1:00:36what you don't like. And maybe you're dating a person and they want to keep pushing for more dates.
- 1:00:40Maybe it feels good. Maybe it doesn't. You get to decide. You're the prize.
- 1:00:45I see. You're the flower. Men need women. It's true.
- 1:00:49That's true. Men really do need women. And in this day and age,
- 1:00:52women don't really need men. I don't think so. It's sad to say,
- 1:00:55but it's... It's sad to say.
- 1:00:56Now, we want men to make us feel safe. We want men to be partners with... We enjoy male company.
- 1:01:02We enjoy sex with men. We want a man. But the days of women needing a man,
- 1:01:08unless you're not financially stable, then you may need a man to take care of you financially.
- 1:01:12But if you're an independent, financially stable woman, you don't need a man for that.
- 1:01:17You want a man for how they make you feel. Right.
- 1:01:20Whereas a lot of men need women because we help calm their storm.
- 1:01:26We're more of a support role and they're more of a protector.
- 1:01:30Women can do fine without protection. Men don't do really well without support.
- 1:01:36And it's changing the dynamic of male-female relationships, but it's kind of
- 1:01:41empowering, too, because then when two people are together, they're there because
- 1:01:44they want to be, not because they have to be. Yeah.
- 1:01:48And that's one thing I think is beautiful in modern-day dating,
- 1:01:52if I will say, because in the old times, people were there because they were stuck.
- 1:01:56Now people are together because they enjoy each other's company,
- 1:02:00because they make each other feel complete.
- 1:02:02Yes. that one person makes the wife or the man makes the wife feel safe and
- 1:02:06the woman makes the man feel supportive.
- 1:02:08It's like an integral partnership and a role. And you see a lot more power couples
- 1:02:12and both people together make a stronger one than both people apart.
- 1:02:17And that's the goal, I think, in life. And a lot of people are looking for that now.
- 1:02:23Now, a lot of men just want a mom and a lot of women just want a sugar daddy.
- 1:02:27I'm not going to say that, but those aren't emotionally mature people.
- 1:02:29We're talking leveling up, ladies. We're talking raising your standards to a
- 1:02:33level where you can actually find a true partner.
- 1:02:37And a man that completes you. And men, you can find a woman that completes you.
- 1:02:41Wouldn't it be an amazing thing if you found a partnership where you both elevate
- 1:02:45together and you both grow together into your authentic,
- 1:02:48ideal self and you spend the rest of your life growing in ways that make you
- 1:02:54feel amazing together and you can't see yourself living without that person.
- 1:02:59Amazing. Amazing, yeah. Yeah, that's how Katana is with her husband.
- 1:03:02So that's, I know it's, I look at you and I know it's possible.
- 1:03:06Well, it happened to me, it happened to anybody.
- 1:03:09It happens to a lot. A lot of people, yes.
- 1:03:12You know, you've seen marriages, I know everyone has, where the people are fighting in restaurants.
- 1:03:17And they're miserable together. And they give each other dirty looks.
- 1:03:20Or they talk negatively about each other at a restaurant with friends.
- 1:03:23Or they complain constantly about the other person.
- 1:03:27That's not a good match. It's not a good alignment.
- 1:03:30But you've also seen people that have been together for 30 years that are magical
- 1:03:35together. Or maybe they're five years in or whatever. It doesn't matter time.
- 1:03:39But the magic never die. They don't die. My sister and my sister and my brother, they're together.
- 1:03:44The magic never goes away. They say, oh, it's the honeymoon stage.
- 1:03:47What if the honeymoon stage lasts for an entire marriage?
- 1:03:50They're still on honeymoon. Now the kid out of the house, they go away every
- 1:03:53weekend. Yeah, you could be 50 years with somebody and stuff.
- 1:03:55But you have to work at it, I would say. You do have to work at it. Yeah.
- 1:03:59But nonetheless, you come up with what your ideal partner is.
- 1:04:03You come up with who you want. and your standards and go a little higher.
- 1:04:07Elevate yourself to the next level if you can. I encourage you to so that you
- 1:04:12can find a partner that's not like the one you had last that is in the growth
- 1:04:16mindset with you that you attract and you'll have a much better life together
- 1:04:21and then live as if they're already there.
- 1:04:24Yeah. Live every day like your last day.
- 1:04:26Yes. Live every day like your last day but live as if they already exist in
- 1:04:30your life. Every morning wake up as if they're laying next to you and smile.
- 1:04:34Every day, believe that you're truly happy. And then your vibration will attract
- 1:04:38the right person into your life. Yes.
- 1:04:41And then when you have, when somebody asks you out, say yes.
- 1:04:44If they're a good fit and you think they might be a good, now if they're not, say no.
- 1:04:48Don't waste your time with the wrong ones. But maybe say yes.
- 1:04:51Make this the summer of yes. And then practice receiving.
- 1:04:54When somebody treats you well, be gracious and grateful, but allow them to.
- 1:04:59Yeah. So I think you have to really work on it. At least I know I have to.
- 1:05:04To open up to it though to be received you are the
- 1:05:07giver i have to work on that part yes i do and then
- 1:05:10i would say journal for about five minutes a day it only takes
- 1:05:12about five minutes and then as you find people you
- 1:05:15can add things that you like and things that you don't like yeah i need to go
- 1:05:21back in there yeah well i think that you also need to review your list every
- 1:05:26month at least once a month i think if you can review it daily you'll be doing
- 1:05:30better and then i also do like energy clearing.
- 1:05:34I do like the energy healer because she can clear stuck energy and kind of cut
- 1:05:38any cords you may have with your ex or with bad people in your life or bad family or friends.
- 1:05:43When you date, I think you'll see things that you like and you don't like,
- 1:05:47and then you'll have to decide whether those are non-negotiables or just a want and need.
- 1:05:53Because again, if you find somebody that meets 90% or 95% of everything you
- 1:05:57want, it might be the good want.
- 1:05:59And here's what i've realized too so i work out a lot
- 1:06:02and i'm getting i'm not in my perfect shape yet but i'm getting
- 1:06:05closer and if i find a man that's not in their perfect shape i'm
- 1:06:08okay with that as long as they're moving towards it
- 1:06:11just because i want somebody that's gonna stick around with me right you want
- 1:06:14somebody healthy and state be able to go high elevation together and i want
- 1:06:19to keep them alive too so i want i want to be with someone for a long time yeah
- 1:06:24that's what i'm looking for but you may not you may be looking for a fling but
- 1:06:28then you don't need your list That's true.
- 1:06:31This list is designed for people that really want a long-term relationship,
- 1:06:35whether you get married or not.
- 1:06:36Long-term relationship. It's a long-term relationship. Someone that you have
- 1:06:39as a partner, not as a plaything.
- 1:06:41Yeah, someone that you're going to grow old together. Yeah.
- 1:06:44No, I never grow old. I grow younger with more wisdom. I like that.
- 1:06:50No old speak. There's no old speak. I don't believe in growing old.
- 1:06:54I believe in growing younger with more wisdom. I think a lot of women now,
- 1:06:58they actually, especially what I see at the gym, does anything,
- 1:07:01they see the pictures now, they actually look much better than they were in high school.
- 1:07:05Yeah, it's so funny because somebody messaged me, you look like you did in high school.
- 1:07:09Yeah. And I don't. You look much better than high school. No,
- 1:07:12I was really cute in high school. I was really, really cute.
- 1:07:15Yeah, I have good jumps. No, my face definitely looks younger than in high school.
- 1:07:19Now it's not as young. And I'm okay with that. Yeah.
- 1:07:22But it was sweet for them to say. Yeah. But I haven't aged a lot.
- 1:07:25I mean, a lot of people by our age.
- 1:07:28Have aged. And I, you know, I
- 1:07:30take care of myself and I want my partner to take care of themselves too.
- 1:07:34Yeah. Well, I think that's about it. Deva Cat, what do you think?
- 1:07:37That's about it for me too.
- 1:07:38Well, we're going to wrap it up. I hope you have the best of luck finding your love.
- 1:07:43I hope you find the best of luck finding your perfect partner.
- 1:07:46And we're all about empowering women and making sure you grow.
- 1:07:50And that's what our podcast is about. So please like, share,
- 1:07:53share this with people you know that could use this.
- 1:07:55Yeah, we want people to grow and we want to elevate all women. And that's our intent.
- 1:08:00Yes. All right. Well, this is Diva Mia signing off. This is Diva Kat.
- 1:08:04Talk to you soon. Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
- 1:08:07Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment. We love hearing from you.
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- 1:08:54be considered professional advice.