Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Starting Fresh: Navigating Divorce or Life Afterwards in the New Year

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Starting Fresh: Navigating Divorce or Life Afterwards in the New Year · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim, and Deliberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage, these are confidential conversations for you if you never get any separation, divorce, or reorganizing life afterwards.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the war entry people of the pool of nation and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to a new year of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And in honor of the new year, today's episode is going to be about starting fresh.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Starting fresh, how to navigate divorce or life afterwards in the new year.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So firstly, start with reflect, reflecting on where you are, reflecting on where you are right now, acknowledging where you are, your journey.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Take a moment to reflect on what the past year has brought you, gifted you, offered you, both the challenges, the wins, the growth.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what surprised you about the year that's just been?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: What surprised you about yourself in the year that's just been?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: What lessons did you learn?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe about your resilience, maybe about your needs, your hopes, your expectations, your intuition, your inner knowing, or boundaries.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What lessons did you learn?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then reflect on how kind and compassionate you have been to yourself over the past year.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the importance of self-compassion, particularly when navigating a rocky time, a difficult life season like a challenging relationship, a separation, divorce.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Recognize too that you know divorce is a process.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's a journey, but it's not a linear process or journey.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So celebrate the small wins, give yourself grace for moments that might have felt messy and honor where you are right now.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Step number two: set some goals.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Set goals that feel realistic and possible.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid the overwhelm and avoid the temptation that the new year brings to, you know, choose a word for the year, choose a theme for the year, or make resolutions.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid overwhelm if you are in a challenging relationship, if you are navigating separation, if you're moving through divorce, avoid overwhelm with small, achievable, possible, realistic goals so that you can claim a win for yourself.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, perhaps it's rather than thinking, okay, this week I've got to get everything ticked off the list, aim for one small thing.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Review one financial document, uh, book a meeting with X person, reach out to Sally Ann for a connection call, whatever it is.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your to-do list small and manageable so that your goals are achievable and you can rack up a win for yourself.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Also focus on what you can control, particularly around setting goals.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's time in this new year, if you haven't already, to let go.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of things that you cannot control.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of trying to manage or preempt or second guess what your ex is doing, what they're saying, their behavior, their opinions.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Shift your energy back towards what is within your power to control.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your responses, your choices, your behavior, your decisions, your reactivity, your self-care, your self-caring and tending.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on what is in your capacity to control rather than what is not.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And remember that emotional goals matter too.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe your goal for this week, this month, this year is to find moments of peace in each day, to find moments of joy and peace and calm amidst the chaos.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it's to commit to journaling about how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you're processing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever that is, set some emotional goals.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe it's about regulating your emotions, maybe it's about dialing down your reactivity, maybe it's about tending to and regulating your nervous system so that you can show up for yourself, so that you can make solid, future-focused, educated, empowered, logical, rational, objective decisions.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Another temptation that comes with the new year is to start fresh, do all the things, right?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in a season of emotional, relational challenge, separation, divorce, it's really important to not be tempted to start all the new things and do all the new things and bring all the new things in just because it's a new year.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on overcoming the overwhelm, breaking down what needs to get done, breaking down the separation divorce process and overwhelm.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: What is one thing you can tackle this month, this week, one thing that you can tick off your list today?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just one thing.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do prioritize your tasks by urgency, right?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: If there's a deadline for a legal advisor or a financial advisor, make sure that you are working towards sorting your financial records versus heading down the Netflix rabbit hole or social media rabbit hole.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So break it down into achievable chunks.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do today?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do this week?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do this month?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what's most important here?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have a plan.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Having a roadmap reduces your stress and helps you deal with the overwhelm.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: There is power in a plan.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So consider creating a bit of a plan, a timeline for all the things that need to get done, but keep it flexible, chunk it down, keep it flexible and doable.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And as I always say, ask for help, whether it's a professional, whether it's a divorce coach like me, or simply a trusted friend, family member to talk things through.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for and allow yourself to receive help to overcome that overwhelm.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you don't have to do all of it all by yourself.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for people to help you, employ people to help you.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: New Year is a really great time to reassess, right?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Reflect, yes, and reassess and embrace the power of choice.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a time, new year and new life, that is new chapter of life that is offered by a separation divorce is a moment to consciously choose, to own your decisions.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're navigating separation divorce, it feels like so much is happening to you.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's external impacting on you.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would encourage you in this new year, in this new chapter, to really take back power, control, reclaim your agency by focusing on your capacity to choose, centering yourself in each and every decision, the big and the small.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, that includes if you're a parent, if you have kids, center yourself because by centering yourself, you're going to choose what's best for you, which in turn is best for your kids.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So take back your agency by focusing on the choices that you do have rather than what's coming at you from outside.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to respond to that email from your co-parent?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of divorce, what kind of life after divorce are you actively working towards?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Centre yourself and own your decisions and be future focused.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like think about where you're heading, visualize that future.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine your life in one year, five years, even ten years from now.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of life do you want to be living?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of home?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of relationships?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of career?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of family?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, all of those practical, tangible things, but how does that life feel?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Make that your driver.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's pulling you forward.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: With so many choices, so many decisions to be made when you're moving through a separation, divorce, even reorganizing life afterwards.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to get stuck in a freeze or an amygdala hijack where you are overwhelmed and you just can't make a decision.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're terrified of making the wrong decision, so you make no decision.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So this is an invitation and a moment to pause and to let go of a decision needing to be perfect, absolutely right.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: It can be right for now.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not every decision you make is going to be perfect, and that's okay.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Trust that you're doing the best you can with the information and the resources you have right now.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And while I always say, you know, you're making big life-changing decisions, and you are, some of them can be undecided, some of them can be taken back, right?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Altered, changed as you move forward.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So make a decision for today, for now.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always have to be a massive decision that is locked and loaded and locked in stone.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: So let go of a decision needing to be perfect to allow you to move forward and step one, make one step closer, take you one step closer, I should say, towards that future that you've visualized for yourself.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're stuck in, I can't make a decision, I don't know what's right, I don't know what's perfect decision, what's the right decision to make here, what's the right choice, sometimes making a decision is a way to get yourself out of that loop.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be forever, it can be a for now decision.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So whether you're listening to this as it's released, first episode of 2025, um, new year, or at another point in time when it's a new chapter for you, it's not about having all the answers, everything being perfect before you move forward.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: It is about moving forward, one small step at a time.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, whatever stage you're in, one small step is enough.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let new year, new life impact you so that you feel you have to have all your shit sorted right now just because it's a new year and everybody else is doing that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: One small step towards that life that you most want to create for yourself.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd encourage you to take a moment just to pause if you haven't already.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Often find new year is a time of reflection, right?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So take a moment and maybe think about, meditate on, journal about the year that's coming, and not necessarily about your relationship, about your separation, about your divorce, right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want more of in my life?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what is one small step I can take toward creating that?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want more of in my life as I navigate this year, this new season?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what is one small step I can take toward that life, or toward having creating that in my life?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Short, sweet episode to kick off the new year.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're asking the hard questions about your relationship, if you're navigating separation or moving through divorce and you want deeper support, let's chat.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's always a link in the show notes to book an intro call or a clarity consult if you're ready to dive deeper and create that personalised plan towards the life you most want to create for yourself in 2025 and beyond.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here until next week.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Until then,