Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What happens when you stop talking to a narcissist?

Transcript

What happens when you stop talking to a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Come on in here y'all. What do narcissists do when you
• 0:04
  stop talking to them? When you finally decide this cut
• 0:08
  off communication? When you finally start decide to
• 0:11
  ignore them and to take your power back?
• 0:14
  How do they act? What do they do?
• 0:15
  What will happen? What goes on in the mind of a
• 0:18
  narcissist when you finally stop talking to them?
• 0:22
  And like when I say stop talking to them, it doesn't necessarily
• 0:25
  mean going no, completely no contact, right?
• 0:27
  It be it just means when you just stop communicating with
• 0:30
  them overall, when you decide to just like, you know what, I've
• 0:32
  had enough. I'm I'm going to stop reacting
• 0:35
  to them. I'm not going to engage with
• 0:37
  them. I'm not going to respond to this
• 0:39
  text message. I'm not going to respond to this
• 0:41
  call. I'm not going to give them any
• 0:43
  more of my energy. How, how do they act?
• 0:45
  What will they do? How how would they receive it?
• 0:49
  That's what we talked about today.
• 0:49
  Y'all, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock, diagnosed
• 0:51
  narcissist myself and I just break down the mind of a
• 0:55
  narcissist, a thought process of a lot of narcissists.
• 0:57
  I can't speak for all narcissists.
• 0:58
  I know I don't do that y'all so many people will have on my
• 1:01
  channel like Lee, you don't speak for all narcissists.
• 1:05
  You don't speak for me and like what did?
• 1:07
  What did I say? All narcissists when like, huh.
• 1:13
  I know I don't speak for all narcissists.
• 1:15
  That's not the goal here. The goal is to raise awareness
• 1:18
  about narcissistic personality disorder.
• 1:19
  And that's what I'm doing, right?
• 1:21
  That's what I'm doing. But yeah, this can go a few
• 1:25
  different ways. We are dealing with a
• 1:27
  narcissist, right? When you decide to stop talking
• 1:30
  to a narcissist, it really can go a few different ways.
• 1:32
  And it really depends on your relationship with them, right?
• 1:36
  Not every relationship with a narcissist is an intimate
• 1:40
  partner relationship. It's not always going to be
• 1:42
  husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend.
• 1:45
  You know spouses, fiance's is not always going to be that.
• 1:48
  The narcissistic person could very well be your parent.
• 1:51
  It could be your best friend, it could be your coworker, it could
• 1:53
  be your your your worst enemy. It could be your boss.
• 1:56
  You see what I'm saying? The the person, it could be
• 1:59
  anybody in your life. So the relationship really does
• 2:03
  matter when and if you stop talking to them.
• 2:06
  You see what I'm saying because it's different when you stop
• 2:10
  talking to an ex-girlfriend as opposed to a boss.
• 2:15
  It really, it really is different.
• 2:16
  If you were to stop talking to your boss, you probably go get
• 2:19
  fired, right? You stop communicating with your
• 2:21
  boss, you probably on you probably on your way out in the
• 2:24
  first place, you know what I mean?
• 2:25
  But if you stop talking to a boyfriend or girlfriend or
• 2:28
  whoever this person is, it probably it helps you relieve it
• 2:30
  helps release yourself, it helps you heal, it helps you grow
• 2:33
  right. So it, it just, it really just
• 2:35
  depends on the relationship, but narcissistic people are
• 2:38
  typically going to act the same way.
• 2:40
  Notice I said typically, typically going to act the same
• 2:42
  way. When you finally decide to stop
• 2:44
  talking with them and engage with them and things like that,
• 2:47
  stop reacting to them. A lot of them are going to lose
• 2:50
  their minds, right? Because most narcissists, notice
• 2:54
  I didn't say, oh, most narcissists like to have some
• 2:57
  type of access and control over you.
• 2:59
  Most narcissists want to get some type of reaction from you.
• 3:02
  Because if, if I can trigger a reaction from you, I can control
• 3:06
  you. If I can trigger you, I can
• 3:08
  control you. If I could trigger you, that
• 3:11
  means I have some type of access to you.
• 3:13
  If I have access to you, that means in my mind, that means in
• 3:18
  my mind I'm winning in some way, shape or form.
• 3:20
  You see how that works? This is the mentality of a lot
• 3:24
  of narcissistic people. This is what's going to happen
• 3:26
  when you're dealing with them like they feel like because
• 3:29
  we're this is how it's going. I'm in control of you in some
• 3:32
  way, shape or form, right? So a lot of them are going to
• 3:35
  lose their minds when you stop talking to them, when you don't,
• 3:38
  when you are taking your power back.
• 3:40
  When I say stop talking to them, yeah, I also don't mean that you
• 3:43
  completely just stop the contact right now.
• 3:46
  Remember I said in the beginning, it's not always about
• 3:48
  no contact. No contact can help you heal,
• 3:51
  but no contact is not feasible in everybody's situation, right?
• 3:54
  So when you stop engage with them or reacting to them, yeah,
• 3:58
  I'm just telling you they're going to react in a lot of
• 3:59
  different ways. Because if you, if they're so
• 4:03
  used to you responding within two or three minutes of a text
• 4:06
  message, if you take 10/15/20 minutes or 30 minutes or an
• 4:10
  hour, you're going to get a reaction from them.
• 4:13
  They don't like that. They really don't.
• 4:17
  They want you to fit. They want to make sure they want
• 4:20
  you to know that they're in charge.
• 4:22
  So in order to let you know that they're in charge, they're going
• 4:25
  to do a lot of different things, aren't they?
• 4:26
  They're going to bring some type of chaos to your life.
• 4:29
  They're going to be agents of chaos in your life.
• 4:32
  They're going to try to control you.
• 4:33
  They're going to try to manipulate you.
• 4:34
  They're going to try to do a lot of different things to you just
• 4:37
  because, just for general purposes, because this is who
• 4:39
  they are. This is who they are.
• 4:41
  This is how they're going to act.
• 4:42
  This is the type of stuff they're going to keep doing.
• 4:44
  So if you don't respond to them in a timely manner, they're
• 4:46
  going to get angry or, or, or on the other side of the spectrum,
• 4:50
  some of them will get angry if you don't respond, but some of
• 4:52
  them will just match your energy.
• 4:55
  When you stop talking to them, they'll stop talking to you just
• 4:58
  to match your energy. Oh, hell no.
• 5:00
  He like the the things that you should do, they do to you,
• 5:03
  right? If you like, if they stop
• 5:06
  talking to you, they give you the silent treatment.
• 5:07
  You should just stop talking to them unless necessary, right?
• 5:11
  So they'll do the same thing to you.
• 5:12
  They will match your energy. If you stop talking to me, I'm
• 5:15
  going to stop talking to you. I'm going to make you come
• 5:18
  crawling back and does that work?
• 5:20
  Yes, it works all the time. When they remove communication
• 5:23
  from you, you think they're going to like if you trauma
• 5:26
  bonded to this person or you're in a narcissistically abusive
• 5:28
  relationship. When they remove remove
• 5:30
  communication from you, a lot of times you start to panic and you
• 5:34
  reach out to them and they got you you.
• 5:36
  They have you right where they want you.
• 5:38
  When you start to panic and you reach out to them, they do have
• 5:41
  you right where they want you. So, so you have to ask yourself
• 5:44
  the question like, why would they change the behavior that
• 5:46
  they benefit from? Why would they not play these
• 5:48
  games? If they're getting something
• 5:50
  from playing these games with you, why would they stop playing
• 5:53
  the games with you? You see what I'm saying?
• 5:55
  Why would they stop playing these games with you?
• 6:00
  You have to also think about it like this.
• 6:02
  When you stop talking to a narcissist, what are the first
• 6:05
  things that's going to go through the mind of that
• 6:07
  narcissist or toxic person or whatever is that?
• 6:10
  You're moving on. They're going to think that
• 6:13
  you're talking to somebody else. They're going to like you.
• 6:16
  You, you're not talking to me, so you must be talking to
• 6:19
  someone else. This is how it goes.
• 6:21
  You not talking to me. You're not engaged with me, so
• 6:23
  you must be dealing with someone else there.
• 6:26
  There can be there. There could be no other answer.
• 6:28
  You must be dealing with someone else because why else would you
• 6:32
  not be talking to me? You see what I'm saying?
• 6:35
  Why else would you not be talking to me?
• 6:36
  And they think this. They think that because they
• 6:41
  would do the same thing to you. This is what they would do to
• 6:43
  you. They expect you to do the same
• 6:45
  things to them that they have been doing to you.
• 6:47
  So we're they're like, well, why would they will leave?
• 6:50
  Why would they think I'm talking to somebody else?
• 6:51
  Because that's what they would do.
• 6:53
  When they're not talking to you, they're typically talking to
• 6:56
  somebody else. When they're not dealing with
• 6:58
  you, they're typically dealing with somebody else.
• 7:00
  Then like I said, they have to fill the space.
• 7:01
  Narcissistic people typically cannot be alone.
• 7:04
  It's very difficult for narcissists to self validate.
• 7:07
  We have to get validation from external sources.
• 7:10
  We cannot self validate. We cannot self charge.
• 7:12
  We're narcissists are not solar powered.
• 7:15
  Narcissists are not like internal power.
• 7:17
  We don't have our own internal engines.
• 7:19
  We are solar powered. We need power from the outside,
• 7:22
  right? We need that solar power and
• 7:26
  instead of the sun, they get it from highly empathetic people.
• 7:31
  They get their validation from highly empathetic people.
• 7:35
  But doesn't it make sense when you're dealing with a person,
• 7:37
  with this person optietype, like they're going to get some type
• 7:40
  of validation from you because they need it.
• 7:42
  They, this is how they do it. This is how they seek it out.
• 7:45
  This is what works for them. So when you're dealing with a
• 7:48
  highly manipulative person or abusive person, just understand
• 7:52
  when you stop talking to them, they're going to thank you
• 7:55
  talking to somebody else, they're going to thank you
• 7:57
  entertaining somebody else. And some of them will absolutely
• 8:00
  lose their mind. But again, what the hell is
• 8:02
  that? But then again, there's some
• 8:06
  narcissists out there that want you to stop talking to them.
• 8:10
  They want that. The reverse discard does exist,
• 8:14
  y'all. The reverse discard happens when
• 8:16
  they make you be the one that ends the communication.
• 8:18
  They make you be the one that break up with them.
• 8:20
  So you break up with me. I can play the victim when
• 8:23
  you're giving me, when you're not talking to me.
• 8:25
  I could just say, hey, look, the reason I cheated on you because
• 8:28
  you weren't talking to me. You decided to stop talking to
• 8:30
  me and I needed somebody to vent to.
• 8:32
  And I couldn't vent to you because you weren't talking to
• 8:34
  me. So yes, of course, I had to go
• 8:35
  clap some up the cheeks, right? Of course I had to go, go, go
• 8:39
  hop on somebody else. Of course, that's what I needed
• 8:41
  to do. So that's what happens.
• 8:44
  Of course, this is what I needed to do this, of course, this is
• 8:46
  what happened. Of course, of course, of course.
• 8:48
  So you have to start thinking like that as well because if
• 8:51
  you're dealing with a narcissist, like they're going
• 8:53
  to use your silence as an excuse to do certain things outside the
• 8:57
  relationship dynamic. I was in order to move on or to
• 9:01
  lie or to cheat or to not pick the phone up or to come home as
• 9:05
  late as they want to. They're going to use the your
• 9:07
  silence as an excuse. So you need to be prepared for
• 9:10
  this when you stop talking to them.
• 9:12
  You need to be prepared for them to use your silence and your
• 9:14
  lack of communication as an excuse to do other things in the
• 9:18
  future because they're going to do other things in the future.
• 9:23
  They're going to use your silence as justification for
• 9:25
  abuse, for yelling and screaming.
• 9:27
  They're going to use your silence.
• 9:29
  And sometimes people in these houses, like if you live with
• 9:31
  the person and you stop talking to them, yeah, I'm just telling
• 9:34
  you, sometimes they'll just try to intentionally antagonize you.
• 9:37
  They'll start playing loud music.
• 9:38
  They'll start humming, singing and dance throughout the house.
• 9:41
  They'll start busting the house up, messing the house completely
• 9:44
  up. They'll start doing a lot of
• 9:45
  things. If you live in an apartment,
• 9:47
  they'll start. If you live in an upstairs
• 9:48
  apartment, they'll start jumping up and down or banging on the
• 9:51
  roof, banging on the ceiling. Like they'll start doing a lot
• 9:53
  of different things to antagonize not only you, but
• 9:56
  everybody around them. When you stop talking to a
• 9:58
  narcissist, a lot of them will throw temper tantrums and a lot
• 10:01
  of other people get the kind of get the, the, the blast off the,
• 10:06
  the, OR caught up in the blast radius of this temper tantrum
• 10:10
  and they get treated horribly because of it, right?
• 10:13
  They get you experience this horrible behaviors and this
• 10:15
  horrible treatment because the narcissist decided to throw this
• 10:18
  temper tantrum and lose their damn minds.
• 10:20
  This happens to so many people or you get caught up in it.
• 10:24
  So when you stop talking to them, they're going to throw a
• 10:26
  temper tantrum. When you stop talking to them,
• 10:28
  sometimes they'll start trying to talk to you more.
• 10:30
  They'll try to invade your space more.
• 10:32
  They'll try to come up to you more because they can sense it.
• 10:34
  Narcissistic people or tend to be very analytical.
• 10:38
  I would say damn intuitive people.
• 10:40
  So they can sense it when you're moving on.
• 10:42
  They can sense it when you're happy, they can sense it when
• 10:45
  you finally decided to take your power back or whatever the case
• 10:48
  may be. So when they sense you talking
• 10:49
  less, some of them will try to talk to you more, right?
• 10:53
  You don't even have to tell them you're doing this.
• 10:55
  Like some of them when you talk less, they will start trying to
• 10:57
  talk more. This is the this is what goes on
• 11:00
  in the mind of a lot of narcissists like you talk to me
• 11:03
  less. I think that you're moving on.
• 11:05
  I think that you're finding somebody else.
• 11:07
  So I feel the need to try to talk to you more.
• 11:09
  I feel the need to try to engage with you more because this is
• 11:11
  how my mind works. My mind works like this.
• 11:14
  I feel like because you're moving on, I need to talk to you
• 11:16
  more. Because you're moving on, I need
• 11:17
  to do more. Because you're moving on, I need
• 11:19
  to do more. Because you're moving on, I need
• 11:21
  to handle it like this. Oh, because you're talking to me
• 11:23
  less, I'm assuming that you're moving on because you're talking
• 11:26
  to me less. I need to find a new supply.
• 11:28
  If I already don't have a new supply, I need to go ahead and
• 11:30
  go. So I'm getting my backup plans
• 11:31
  in order. That's what happens to so many
• 11:34
  people y'all. You know, I said I'll say I'll
• 11:37
  have to say this. Y'all don't let a narcissist
• 11:39
  their actions and what they could do in the future deter you
• 11:42
  from protecting your peace and protecting yourself.
• 11:45
  Because protecting yourself mental health wise is going to
• 11:47
  be the most one of the most important things on this journey
• 11:49
  right here. Because you always want to think
• 11:51
  about yourself 1st and not you know, protecting your mental
• 11:54
  health is not selfish. It right there is like self
• 11:57
  love, you know, Because talking to them less can actually help
• 12:00
  you heal. I don't think.
• 12:02
  I don't think you can fully heal in the same environment and they
• 12:04
  made you sick. And being in that same
• 12:06
  environment does entail you talking to this person all the
• 12:08
  time or deal with this person all the time, engage with this
• 12:10
  person all the time. When you start talking to them
• 12:13
  less, when you stop communicating with them at all,
• 12:15
  they tend to lose their damn minds.
• 12:16
  So you have to be safe, OK? Anyway, y'all, thanks for making
• 12:19
  the end of my video. If you haven't already, hit that
• 12:21
  subscribe button. You can find everything about me
• 12:24
  at mentalillness.net. My coaching, my courses, my
• 12:27
  support group, my courses y'all, I got my courses are all 5
• 12:31
  highly five star reviewed courses.
• 12:33
  You can find those in mentalillness.net as well.
• 12:35
  Click one of these on the screen right here to watch another
• 12:37
  video and I will. I will see you later.
• 12:39
  Peace.