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Mastering Self-Leadership for Effective Management · Business Roundtable

• 0:01
  Well, hey everybody, welcome back to the Business Roundtable podcast. I've got
• 0:05
  two returning guests this time around. We're excited to have you and jump into
• 0:10
  our topic today. For those of you listening for the first time, my
• 0:14
  name is David Carr or Stewart. Your business where I help business owners and
• 0:17
  their teams know themselves better to lead themselves. And that's gonna be one of
• 0:20
  our topics tonight in the tool that we're going to use. Bill, we're
• 0:25
  super excited to have you back this week. Go ahead and introduce yourself to
• 0:27
  the audience. I am Bill Hatch. I am a leadership guide and podcaster
• 0:33
  under the banner of bald Spots Productions. So glad to have your Christian Christian
• 0:40
  ideals and have a lot of fun business stuff going on and all that.
• 0:46
  And I have a new Internet connection. Yeah connected, So look up Bill,
• 0:52
  look up bald Spot Production, Bill Hatch, look at all great podcasts.
• 0:56
  We're great to have glad to have you back here. Bill and Charlie,
• 1:00
  we've missed you for a few weeks. We're glad to have you back
• 1:03
  on the podcast and sharing with everybody. Welcome, Thank you, great to
• 1:08
  be back. You hear me. Okay, yeah, you sound great,
• 1:11
  Okay, perfect, all right, So, Charlie Chang, I'm the CX
• 1:15
  over at cyber X, where our focus on commitment is to deliver a peace
• 1:21
  of mind while being while delivering world class client experiences and so you don't have
• 1:29
  to put up with rude, it t people and that could be a pain
• 1:33
  sometimes but very much necessary. And we're grateful to have you here, Charlie
• 1:38
  and have your perspective. So I know you both are in leadership positions.
• 1:42
  And we've talked about knowing yourself in a previous podcast I think probably one of
• 1:47
  our earlier episodes in the series. If you guys missed it, please go
• 1:52
  back and check it out. But I thought tonight would be fun to pick
• 1:56
  out a tool of the toolbox that I use as a guide with Giant,
• 2:00
  and one of the tools we have in there is one that's called know yourself
• 2:04
  to lead yourself. And this is a specific tool and i'll throw it up
• 2:08
  here for those of you that are watching, I'll throw throw it up here.
• 2:12
  But if if you haven't watched it or you're listening to this podcast,
• 2:16
  there's a book that's called The Hunter Decks Leader by Jeremy kubik Tek and Steve
• 2:22
  Cochran, also founders of Giant. You can also look up that book or
• 2:25
  just reach out to me directly. It's in the book that talks about this
• 2:30
  tool and we have a lot of different tools. So I'm excited to get
• 2:35
  into this with you guys tonight and uh introduce this. But I mean,
• 2:39
  I think you know, we've, like I said, we've talked about this
• 2:43
  in previous episodes and so a bit, and I wanted to dig deeper into
• 2:47
  one aspect of knowing ourselves well. And it's what we call I call starting
• 2:53
  with our tendencies and just to set a framework in my mind and the way
• 3:00
  the book is, tendencies are things that we all have and they're kind of
• 3:07
  natural. They're just something that we will always have if you will. It's
• 3:12
  not something that can go away, but we can affect how it is.
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  It's like, so we just but recognizing that we all have tendencies, I
• 3:19
  think is an important understanding and it's not bad or good. They just are
• 3:25
  and then you figure out how those tendencies show up. Sometimes they can be
• 3:29
  beneficial, sometimes they can not be beneficial. So you have to look at
• 3:32
  them. So I wanted to just throw out the idea with both Charlie and
• 3:38
  Bill, and I'll start with you Bill first, but just just the idea
• 3:40
  of the word tendencies, what comes to mind when you hear that, Bill,
• 3:45
  and just starting with a framework of knowing ourselves and knowing our tendencies.
• 3:50
  So Bill just thoughts there, Wow, Well, of course, tendency is
• 3:55
  something that you tend to do to I know for myself, I have a
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  tendency to say uh an m a lot, which is a great which is
• 4:10
  a really great quality for a podcaster. Yeah, right, mhmm. How
• 4:16
  about you, Charlie, what about you when your tendencies or our tendency,
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  what is what's the thing that comes to mind? Yeah, So I'm glad
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  that's a great topic, by the way, that you picked David. Thank
• 4:29
  you for bringing this up. Absolutely. Yeah. So the when I hear
• 4:33
  a tendency, what I think of his story and whether we know about it
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  or not, all of our lives, all of us human beings, are
• 4:46
  we were run by this autopilot story. That's that's really running the show.
• 4:51
  And when I say story, it's basically what we believe about ourselves and what
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  we made certain things that happened early on in our formative years mean about us
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  people and life in general. And that which you don't know that and you
• 5:12
  don't know that you don't know, is what's most detri could be most detrimental
• 5:16
  to you. Obviously, we all developed strong suits or coping mechanisms to survive
• 5:25
  those trauma experiences. But nevertheless, we're never free because that story is what's
• 5:33
  running the show. And we think we have free will, but there's a
• 5:36
  set habitual pattern which is the strongest force within human beings. Tony Robbins says,
• 5:46
  the most powerful thing within humans is to be congruent with who they believe
• 5:53
  it that they are. And so if you believe that story of who you
• 5:57
  already are, that set definition of what you're good at, what you're not
• 6:01
  good at, or even things that you're not even aware that's running the show.
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  Like for me, it was like I'm a failure and no matter how
• 6:10
  hard I try or what I do, I'm always going to be a failure.
• 6:14
  And I didn't even realize that was running the show. No wonder like
• 6:17
  things never like always fell apart even though things were going great. So that's
• 6:23
  that which is that that tendency that you don't get clear on and get awareness
• 6:30
  on will keep you in that box that you've predefined for yourself, and so
• 6:36
  you're really not exploring growing and living. You're just playing out what's already predetermined
• 6:44
  with or without your input. Yeah, that's a great You know, we
• 6:47
  can be kind of asleep to them, like you're saying, Charlie and letting
• 6:50
  these stories run, or we can start to awaken ourselves and be aware of
• 6:56
  these things and then we can actually start to do something about them. And
• 6:59
  that's kind of a really great lead in. I'm going to be I'm gonna
• 7:01
  share my screen here. So those are the years that are listening in.
• 7:04
  If you're not. If you're missing this, uh, you can go back
• 7:09
  and find us on YouTube. Actually we have a full video there. Yeah.
• 7:13
  Often, and also do a presentation on LinkedIn as well, so you're
• 7:16
  seeing us on LinkedIn. We want to make sure that you can go listen
• 7:19
  to us, find us on any podcasts. But I want to show you
• 7:23
  guys a screen here. I'm gonna share with this tool and let's see here
• 7:30
  pull it up so you guys should see this. So this is the tool.
• 7:34
  One of the tools that we use in the Giant Toolbox as a guide
• 7:39
  that I'm trained on. Is this idea And you'll see it's like an affinity
• 7:43
  loop, if you will. So how do we know ourselves, like you're
• 7:46
  talking about Charlie, who we really are, what's the story leading it?
• 7:49
  And then how do we lead ourselves through that? And I started this episode
• 7:55
  talking about tendency because that's a great place to start. Is if you look
• 8:00
  at this infinity loop, you can go and look at your tendencies and behaviors
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  and your patterns and those lead to actions, right, and that will come
• 8:11
  around to consequences or results or fruit, whatever you want to call it.
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  There's something that comes out of the actions that then forms our reality, like
• 8:22
  you're talking about, Charlie, like what we believe to be true, what
• 8:24
  we understand, how everything is. And so I think this is a simple
• 8:30
  tool when you look at it, there's a lot to it. And I
• 8:33
  wanted to start our conversation tonight and I'll lead with an example here where of
• 8:41
  this tool? And so just to go just I'm gonna slip one more slide
• 8:46
  here for you guys, giving you an example, and I'm gonna see here
• 8:52
  I'm gonna just gonna show the screen fully you guys for a minute. Here
• 8:54
  there we go. So tendencies, and here's an example. So if you're
• 9:01
  a perfectionist, perhaps your desire is not to share something until it's perfect.
• 9:07
  Right, that's a tendency. I'm going to hold back. I want to
• 9:09
  make sure it's perfect because it might undermind my confidence in me or my competence,
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  you know, under And so if you think of this as a tendency,
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  a perfectionist tendency, and you may have this one you're holding back.
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  What happens is there's a pattern that comes up. And the pattern is perhaps
• 9:28
  withholding ideas. It's it's withholding drafts. You know, you don't want to
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  share it's not perfect, so I'm just waiting to get it perfect. So
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  there's this pattern, there's a tendency, and then there's a pattern. And
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  then what happens in the action You communicate less because you don't want to invite
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  collaboration. And now until late in the product project or process, right,
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  Well, what happens if we're doing that, that might cause people to worry
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  or doubt about your confidence or work ethic, or they start reduce you start
• 10:01
  redoing redundant work, it gets too late to get input. So there's consequences,
• 10:05
  right, and then the reality comes Now colleagues doubt their skill or commitment,
• 10:11
  which fuel fuels their fears, frustrations, bitterness, and creates a negative
• 10:16
  reputation. So this is an example. And I'll come back to you,
• 10:20
  Charlie first, and I like you, I built as well, But to
• 10:24
  first focus on this first part of a dentist, fying tendencies and patterns that
• 10:30
  you know about yourself. And we can certainly walk through the whole process here,
• 10:33
  but I wanna I'll bring it back so we can see you guys.
• 10:39
  There we go, and I'm gonna move it back one more. Yeah.
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  So then Charlie, when you look at this, how many tendencies do you
• 10:50
  think you have? This will start there, uh, countless. There's so
• 10:58
  many things that I still don't know that I don't know about myself. I
• 11:01
  continue to uncover. I go about life and work and yeah, so it's
• 11:09
  it's a fun journey. That's part of the growth process. Is I'm covering
• 11:13
  those blind spots. And I like the graph. It's almost like that if
• 11:20
  if it's a disempowering story, then it's a it's a vicious cycle, right,
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  and a feedback loop, and and so just first step is always awareness.
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  Once you can identify and like what you showed there, identifying what leads
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  to that tendency, why you do it, and what that, what's the
• 11:41
  consequence of that, the cause and effect of it, then you can actually
• 11:46
  tackle it and make a conscious choice about Okay, how do I want to
• 11:52
  address this tendency and and this root at the root level? Yeah, how
• 11:58
  about you build? Do you have a few tendencies? Yeah, I do
• 12:03
  have a few tendencies. Actually, I can relate pretty well to the example
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  tendency. I don't know that i'd call myself a perfectionist, but I do
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  tend to put things off until I've got them just right. M hm.
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  So it would be fun, I thought, we'll just take a couple of
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  minutes. Might be if I just to go back and forth as you guys
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  think about this, I'll give you a tendency of mine. So I have
• 12:31
  a tendency to repeat stories sometimes, and I I can't remember who I told
• 12:39
  the story to to be honest, And when I was working with a lot
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  of different people, I would do that and and I would repeat myself.
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  So what I so, what I had to do as a tendency at this
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  recognizing this pattern is part of the action. Was and if I told the
• 12:54
  people, some people would be polite and they wouldn't say anything, which I
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  felt like, okay, that's kind of a way. Time they already heard
• 13:00
  the story, they don't even hear it again. So one of the things
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  I had to do as a consequence and an action that I took was being
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  leading myself. Well, was I would actually before I even would talk to
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  some people, I would actually empower them. I would say, look,
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  if you heard me tell you this story, please don't be polite. You
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  can stop and put your hand and tell me that's okay. That was like
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  leading myself, right because I didn't want to like keep this tendency and pattern
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  where I was like that wasn't helpful. People were very polite and kind.
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  That was nice, but I was like, okay, no, we don't
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  need that. So understanding that. Another one I'll just throw out. Another
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  tendency is I I like to talk aloud, And this was one for my
• 13:41
  wife is totally different. My tendency is to talk aloud and think aloud.
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  My wife is completely not that way. So what I have to realize is
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  if if I'm going to talk a loud or think a loud, I almost
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  have to tell her and preface that saying I'm going to like, I'm thinking
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  aloud, I'm talking about don't don't take this fully it's not that fully baked
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  yet, right because in her mind, if I'm if she's hearing it,
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  you're done. You've you've got completed the thought process. You're doubt telling me.
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  And it's frustrating to somebody on the other end when they're like, what
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  what's going on here? So I wanted to give you guys a couple of
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  tendencies. And again it's knowing this and so I can preface it and I
• 14:20
  can take actions that lead to positive consequences and create a more beneficial outcome environment.
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  But if I didn't know that and I keep doing it, it can
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  be you know, obviously frustrating. And what we're all about here on this
• 14:37
  podcast, the Business Roundtable podcast, is making helping you as a business owner
• 14:41
  or a leader effectively lead your team, knowing yourself, working well, trying
• 14:48
  to implement all these different components of a business right. And so probably I'll
• 14:54
  come back to you just you know, other tenden like a specific tendency that
• 14:58
  you have that you know, yeah, I think one that is most impactful
• 15:03
  that perhaps we'll add some value to people out there is, yeah, the
• 15:09
  tendency to uh not have boundaries. And but like putting myself as a doormat
• 15:20
  almost like taking taking feeling responsible for how somebody else feels in somebody else's emotions.
• 15:26
  And obviously that's very disempowering. And so that was before that was before
• 15:35
  even understanding the concept of boundaries that you know, each people, each person
• 15:41
  is responsible for their own wellbeing and their own emotions and their own thoughts.
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  And of course we have we all contribute to each other's uh, you know,
• 15:52
  emotions. But if we've done our part and somebody else still decides to
• 15:58
  be upset or or whatever it is, and we still think that we're responsible
• 16:04
  for that, then that's robbing ourselves of our own boundary, of our own
• 16:08
  peace of mind, of our own happiness. And it was quite paradoxical because
• 16:15
  boundaries set me free, which in the past I was like, what are
• 16:19
  you talking about boundaries? I'm a limitless right, like you know, so
• 16:23
  like it was super awesome and such a liberating experience to discover boundaries and know
• 16:32
  that I don't need to be more than human because I'm not less than human,
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  which oftentimes stems from the toxic shame that we get passed down through generations
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  that somehow were defective and broken as a human being, you know, and
• 16:52
  that we've become human doings were defined and justified by what we you and not
• 17:00
  just by who we are. That's some somehow we're flawed and defective as a
• 17:04
  as a person, you know. So when we can go away from that
• 17:07
  tendency that somehow we have to keep proving ourselves, then it will liberate you.
• 17:14
  So so you yeah, that's a great point. So Charlie, you're
• 17:17
  you're kind of living this out, So you're recognizing here that hey, I'm
• 17:19
  kind of being a dormat kind of things taking over, and you created some
• 17:22
  boundaries. It took some actions that led to a positive consequence, meaning I'm
• 17:27
  I'm taking care of myself, I'm being healthy. Right, You're still caring
• 17:33
  for people, So then you're you're leading yourself in that and then and then
• 17:37
  you're setting a healthier reality of like this is who I am This is who
• 17:41
  Charlie Chant really is. He has healthy boundaries. He's creating this space.
• 17:47
  Even though you're gonna have this tendency, right, Charlie're always in this tendency
• 17:49
  to be a people pleaser. Right, it's just innate in you. It's
• 17:53
  not gonna go away, right because you meet people, your children, your
• 17:57
  wife, right, they're gonna get to pick on that. Yeah. And
• 18:02
  it doesn't mean that, Yeah, it doesn't mean that you go get combative
• 18:04
  and say like, oh, you cross my boundaries. You got the gut's
• 18:07
  really going to piss people off who don't respect boundaries. So you can still
• 18:11
  apologize for you know, upsetting them or whatever the case. But then internally
• 18:18
  you don't allow yourself to be sucked into that drama and that emotional roller coaster
• 18:26
  because your self worth is no longer tied to how they feel, you see
• 18:32
  what I mean? You can yeah, And it also allows you to be
• 18:34
  empathetic like, Okay, what you know, what type of unresolved or toxic
• 18:41
  shame that they're coming from and operating from that they are not even aware of,
• 18:45
  and you know, you just can't imagine what they may have gone through
• 18:48
  in their life to and to wind up the way they are and so you
• 18:53
  know, having the understanding awareness and awareness of tendencies allows us to be more
• 18:57
  empathetic and compassion as well. Yeah, that's fantastic, Charlie. How about
• 19:03
  you, Bill, do you have an example of where you've had a tendency
• 19:07
  and then how you were able to number one, recognize the tendency and number
• 19:11
  two, you know, recognize the tendency or pattern. I guess we would
• 19:17
  that'd be I guess the first part I want to know, Bill is because
• 19:19
  the thing is really important for everybody to understand. How do you figure out
• 19:23
  pick that out? How How did you, like Charlie recognized he was struggling
• 19:27
  with this, and then he's like, okay, I gotta I got to
• 19:30
  create a boundary because there's some You've had a tool of resource to get him
• 19:33
  in and the boundary. But how Bill, have you identified your tendencies or
• 19:37
  patterns? Well? Because because there were big consequences, I have a I
• 19:45
  have a tendency to think in my head that there's plenty of time to do
• 19:52
  stuff. You know, all that project's not doing until next week. I
• 19:57
  can add in these three other things in the in the same period of time
• 20:03
  and uh and so I so the pattern is I do that, you know,
• 20:08
  and uh, you know, somebody comes along and says saying, no,
• 20:11
  we're gonna do this. Great, let's do that, and uh and
• 20:18
  the and so I would take actions, but of adding the action of just
• 20:22
  adding more stuff into my schedule and uh, you know, I like,
• 20:26
  I like what Charlie said about humans doing instead of humans being. I've I
• 20:33
  heard that earlier in the year and started started working on on that. But
• 20:37
  the consequence of of adding all this extra stuff in was that I couldn't get
• 20:42
  anything done. I'd get I'd get I'd get vapor lock. I guess you
• 20:49
  could say to to throw back to my days as a as an auto mechanic,
• 20:55
  but uh uh and uh I couldn't figure out what the art on everything
• 21:00
  was over, everything was about to be due all at the same time,
• 21:06
  and you know, and so things would fall to this wayside. And the
• 21:11
  reality was that people were thinking of me as unreliable because they didn't know that
• 21:15
  I had tacked on all these other things because I had this delusion that the
• 21:19
  clock was my friend. Uh yeah, you know, and uh and so
• 21:25
  so I've had to I've had to change, uh, change my way of
• 21:29
  looking at things, to uh, to fight that urge in in my brain
• 21:33
  to to consider that there's plenty of time and uh and push myself to turn
• 21:41
  things in early, you know, instead of instead of letting them sit.
• 21:45
  And even even though sometimes there's a there are good reasons to to to let
• 21:51
  something sit, you know, like when you're writing a paper proposal or or
• 21:56
  something like that, and and uh, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna
• 22:00
  set I finished it, I'm gonna set it aside, and then I'm gonna
• 22:03
  look at it again tomorrow and and all. But you have to do even
• 22:06
  that early or I have to even do that early, and because uh,
• 22:12
  because yeah, otherwise, uh, otherwise I'm not doing anything, not getting
• 22:18
  anything done well. And I want I want you you said something earlier that
• 22:23
  triggered me, you know, in this in this model here, this tool,
• 22:27
  Bill is that you know, I'm starting with tendencies. But the reality
• 22:30
  is you could also you could actually go to reality. You could go to
• 22:33
  start from reality. So the reality was like you were saying, Bill,
• 22:37
  I am not having enough time to get things done. That's my current reality.
• 22:41
  And you could work your way backwards too, so, like you said,
• 22:45
  the reality is I don't have enough time. So why is that?
• 22:47
  Well, I kept you know, I had a lot of people say they
• 22:52
  needed all these things right, so and so I kept adding things here.
• 22:56
  And that's because my tendency was to to just say yes instead of considering them
• 23:02
  right. So it's just like adding and the consequences are I have a bunch
• 23:03
  of things that are backed up now, and then my reality is I can't
• 23:07
  get them all done. So if that helps people too, is to look
• 23:11
  at your reality and it's like reverse engineer it if you will, And there's
• 23:15
  nothing wrong with that too. So look at the reality of where you're at
• 23:19
  and figure out, like, okay, what are the consequences that led to
• 23:23
  that reality and what with the action surrounding that, and then look at your
• 23:29
  tendencies or patterns that kind of created that experience. So I'll just use me
• 23:36
  as another example. Boy, there's some different ones. There's a lot of
• 23:41
  I could pull from, but let's just say I had this tendency. I'm
• 23:48
  a very positive outlook, I'm a very positive person. Encouraging another tendency here
• 23:53
  and similar along the lines of you Bill, where I always look at the
• 23:59
  best in people, which is which is not a bad thing, that's a
• 24:03
  good I think generally a good thing. However, when I don't consider the
• 24:10
  person that I'm looking at, and what would happen to be at times is
• 24:14
  I would as a manager or supervisor. So if you're a business owner,
• 24:18
  a leader and you have a team, this is something you may have to
• 24:22
  be aware of. I would overestimate the capability of team members. So my
• 24:27
  tendency would be I think really great of them. They're amazing. I know
• 24:30
  they can get lots of work done. I'm super excited, I'm energized.
• 24:34
  That was my tendency and pattern. I would then assign to work to them
• 24:40
  right, and they wouldn't want to say no because like this, the boss
• 24:44
  has given me this, I want to I want to do good, I
• 24:45
  want to do the positive. Well, what happened is they would feel guilty
• 24:48
  and they wouldn't be able to finish all the assignments. They get overwhelmed,
• 24:52
  and then we would have missed deadlines or something would be off, or the
• 24:53
  work would be off or would you know, And so the reality was I
• 24:56
  was the one instigating it, and it perpetuates like a domino effect. On
• 25:03
  other people. So it's like again leading yourself to know yourself. But the
• 25:06
  same thing applies to teams as well. You cannot lead a team if you
• 25:10
  don't know yourself well understanding this. So I'm going to come back to you,
• 25:14
  Charlie in a minute of like you talked about a personal experience with your
• 25:18
  boundaries for you and working with others, how have you seen a tendency effect
• 25:26
  maybe in business or you know you speak to one of those as a business
• 25:30
  owner a leader. Where's a tendency that you you've you've recognized that you've had
• 25:37
  to adjust or taken a different action on. Yeah, it actually piggybacks off
• 25:45
  of what Bill was saying in terms of over overloading my plate and then also
• 25:53
  having this superman complex of thinking, like you know, you got to do
• 26:00
  it right, you got to do it yourself. And so almost like the
• 26:04
  opposite of what you talked about, David, of overestimating what your team could
• 26:10
  do, I overestimate often what I can do and underestimate what the power of
• 26:15
  the team could do and just make it impossible to deliver. And so it
• 26:23
  never works right to under I mean overpromise and underdeliver. You you want to
• 26:29
  set yourself up for success by underpromising, asking more for more time than you
• 26:33
  think you need, and then over deliver coming in early. I mean in
• 26:37
  terms of finishing the deliverable early as opposed to just barely making the time or
• 26:47
  even missing the deadlines. So those are certainly big tendencies. Oh, that's
• 26:52
  a big tendency that I'm constantly having to be conscious of so I don't fall
• 26:59
  back and through that trap. Yeah, I mean, that's that's important what
• 27:02
  you're saying, Charlie. It's just the reverse of what I said. Like
• 27:03
  you said, if you underestimate your team's capability, they're not being fully engaged,
• 27:08
  right, They're not using all their abilities. And you're like, oh,
• 27:11
  I'm the only person that can solve that. Many of us follow this.
• 27:15
  I did it too, I'm the only person who knows how to do
• 27:17
  this. I can do it quicker. I Okay, Well that's your tendency
• 27:19
  to do that, but again, does it get you the reality that you
• 27:22
  really want? You're like, no, I'm all stressed out. It isn't
• 27:26
  really what I want. And how do I figure out how to break that
• 27:30
  and be aware of that? So capturing that tendency. How about you,
• 27:33
  Bill, what have you seen and working with teams or organizations where tendency has
• 27:37
  come up? Well, you know, I have seen I have seen quite
• 27:42
  a bit of quite a bit of that. You know, when you when
• 27:48
  you take too much onto yourself, you are actually diminishing your team. You
• 27:56
  don't give people the a billy to improve themselves, to work on their weaknesses
• 28:03
  or work on their strengths, because strengths can always be stronger, you know.
• 28:07
  And uh, or or even if they can't do something particularly well,
• 28:14
  maybe they can do it good enough, but it gives them the boost up,
• 28:18
  you know, like a like a like a boost up too too,
• 28:25
  to feel better about themselves, to get some confidence that they need to be
• 28:29
  able to work better and actually improve. You know, Hey, you know,
• 28:34
  Bill trusted me to do this job. I'm wow, that's awesome,
• 28:38
  So so I'm going to do that and uh and all. But but when
• 28:44
  you take it all on yourself, you're diminishing that possibility for for the members
• 28:48
  of your team. You know, you you just like, oh, don't
• 28:52
  do that. You know, I'll do that. I can do that better,
• 28:56
  I can do it faster, you know, and uh, and your
• 28:59
  teams all of a sudden lose their confidence. They they think you think poorly
• 29:03
  of them and doing things just kind of go downhill from there. It's a
• 29:08
  it's a horrible vicious cycle because you'll lose good people, you'll turn good people
• 29:14
  to bad people, and and then once again we'll be back to the tendency
• 29:18
  of putting too much on our plates. Right, deliver right, don't get
• 29:23
  don't get delivered. Yeah, So, you know, going through this this
• 29:29
  tool tonight, I just wanted to, you know, bring this around and
• 29:33
  to get you practicing all of us. Like you said, Charlie said,
• 29:37
  you've got how numero too many tendencies to even account But the good thing is
• 29:41
  we all have an opportunity every day to take account for them and to adjust.
• 29:48
  Again, I want to make sure everybody hears this loud and clear.
• 29:52
  Your tendencies are always going to be there. They're not going to go away.
• 29:55
  It's a matter about the actions that you take around them. I don't
• 29:57
  think, like you said, Charlie, you're always going to probably want to
• 30:00
  be that person that's just going to take it on to be zuperman or.
• 30:03
  Like you said, Bill, I can I can figure out how to do
• 30:06
  more I can. I just I just naturally And these aren't necessarily like I
• 30:08
  said, bad are good. They just have to recognize like there's part of
• 30:12
  that that's good, Bill, because you're not you're actually being open to like
• 30:15
  I'm willing to take on some projects or new things. Other people may have
• 30:18
  a tendency just say no to everything, and they're missing out on opportunities that
• 30:22
  they would otherwise have a great, you know, great experience. So it's
• 30:26
  just a matter of how do you manage that in a healthy way? Right?
• 30:33
  And I get the question I would bring up as we're getting close to
• 30:37
  wrapping this up tonight, just is you know yourself. And I think in
• 30:44
  building relationships with others, if you build a relationship with others, like I
• 30:49
  was telling you guys earlier, I would express to somebody, hey, you've
• 30:52
  heard me, hear the story, stop me. But if to help others
• 30:56
  speak into our lives of tendency is that they see in us that we may
• 31:00
  not see or we may not recognize. And so as we kind of think
• 31:06
  about this, how we can apply this is speaking to others and say do
• 31:11
  you see a tendency or a pattern of behavior in me? That is not
• 31:18
  creating a positive you know, consequence and reality. Are you inviting people to
• 31:22
  speak into your life that can speak to those And I'll just start with you,
• 31:27
  Charlie. Have you been able to have others speak to you or recognize
• 31:32
  that and share that with you? I'm sorry, can you repeat the question
• 31:37
  one more? Yeah? Just have you so you recognize your tendencies, which
• 31:41
  is the part of knowing ourselves to lead ourselves. But I feel like as
• 31:45
  we build relationships and connections with one another, not usually from a stranger,
• 31:48
  you're not going to take it, but I think from people that we know,
• 31:52
  like trust, love, inviting them to speak into our lives and to
• 31:56
  speak into patterns of behavior or tendencies that don't serve us or again under manter
• 32:02
  credibility or effectiveness. Right, Just you know, Charlie, just your perspective
• 32:07
  on that. Absolutely. Yeah. The openness and uh willingness to learn and
• 32:15
  am staying humble. That's the base the foundation for leading a great life and
• 32:23
  just success in general. Uh. Nobody likes to deal with people that don't
• 32:29
  take ownership and responsibility uh for how they show up in life. And we
• 32:37
  may be blind to our tendencies but if somebody points out, if you make
• 32:42
  it known that you welcome feedback, then and here's afraid quote that I heard
• 32:50
  recently that was super profound. It says, if you're not the problem,
• 32:54
  there is no solution. When when you can operate from that level of ownership,
• 33:00
  you become super attractive. People want to work with you because they know
• 33:06
  that you're always going to take ownership and responsibility for for what you bring to
• 33:10
  the table. Yes, great perspective, Charlie, thanks for sharing that.
• 33:15
  How about you, Bill? Just you know, your experience in being and
• 33:19
  having other people able to speak into your life of a tendency or behatter to
• 33:22
  behavior. You know, when when I was younger, it was it was
• 33:29
  definitely tougher to to take those kinds of criticisms although really it's not a criticism,
• 33:37
  you know, really because it is helping you find a real problem.
• 33:42
  I mean, it's something that that people pay a lot of money to psychologists
• 33:46
  to help them dig out, you know, and and when you're when you're
• 33:52
  all too on its, friend can can point it out to you for free.
• 34:00
  But but yeah, learning to be humble and and be receptive to to
• 34:09
  those kinds of those kinds of points. Is is key to growth, you
• 34:15
  know. It's it's often said that I've often heard it said that, oh
• 34:23
  wow, I lost my train of thought. You're having us hang here,
• 34:31
  You're having you hang here. Oh goodness gracious, but but yeah, that
• 34:44
  being open. Let's see, being open to the criticism, being having it
• 34:50
  pointed out to your your flaws. It's like being an empty cup and that
• 34:55
  empty cup can only be filled with more if you're so full of yourself that
• 35:00
  that cup is full than anybody trying to put anything more into it, it's
• 35:06
  just going to spill in the form and be wasted. And you never know
• 35:10
  when somebody is going to bring up a better idea than what you have so
• 35:15
  and and that will accomplish the same exact goal, perhaps more efficiently, perhaps
• 35:22
  perhaps just faster, or you know, or or what have you. Yeah,
• 35:29
  absolutely well, I appreciate you guys coming on here. I think this
• 35:31
  is this is a great tool to help understand identify our personal tendencies and behaviors,
• 35:36
  and then giving us a model which we can use to analyze feedback,
• 35:39
  like you were just talking about, Bill, we can take the feedback and
• 35:44
  we can lead ourselves well knowing ourselves better and then knowing our teams and that's
• 35:47
  the gosh, you guys know, that's why I'm passionate out with my company.
• 35:51
  But it affects all of us, right, So knowing this, I
• 35:54
  hope that you the listener have taken this and you can listen to these terms
• 35:59
  of your following this tool. Knowing your tendencies and your patterns, the actions,
• 36:04
  the consequences and the reality of them and using that simple framework is super
• 36:07
  powerful, like you used to said about Charlie, to liberate ourselves, to
• 36:10
  get us in a much better state of mind and way of living. And
• 36:16
  so as we wrap it up, Charlie, last thoughts, just you know,
• 36:20
  as we've gone through this exercise and how you see you may be able
• 36:22
  to use this and in the future, Yeah, just continue to be open
• 36:30
  and to, like you said, invite feedback from others because oftentimes it's that
• 36:39
  third party perspective that sees it clearer than ourselves. Being in in the day
• 36:46
  to day and in the humdrum of life, we often miss certain things,
• 36:53
  just like the was it Christmas Carol or one of those classic uh oh yeah
• 37:00
  Scrooge where he's like, yeah, where they see Christmas past, Christmas future,
• 37:05
  you know, present, Christmas future, and being able to see it
• 37:07
  from that third party perspective, we see it so much clearer, but we
• 37:13
  can't. So being open and inviting others to share their feedback on our tendencies,
• 37:19
  that's the first step to be able to develop that awareness so that we
• 37:22
  can actually make a conscious choice on whether we want to keep that or if
• 37:29
  or to let that go if it's not serving us. Right, just your
• 37:32
  pattern? Yeah, absolutely, Thank you Charlie for being here. Bill,
• 37:36
  last lots as we wrap it up. Uh, last thoughts. I've been
• 37:39
  working on a book on leadership called The Emotionally Healthy Leader, and ye,
• 37:45
  there's some some related materials in it. He refers to the thing that causes
• 37:52
  the tendency. It works really well with this too, that the thing that
• 37:54
  he calls the thing that causes the tendency your shadow. And what I'm envisioning
• 38:04
  is that these tendencies, these shadows have roots somewhere in the past, and
• 38:10
  while they won't necessarily get rid of your tendencies, if you can find where
• 38:15
  these things come from, where what your shadow is, where the roots go,
• 38:21
  then you can start to take control of those tendencies, whether it's whether
• 38:25
  it's a family something passed on generationally, or or something something in your DNA
• 38:32
  or or something in your childhood. Yes, everything comes back to your childhood,
• 38:37
  and it's all your mother's fault. I think, Oh, I'm kidding.
• 38:45
  I love my mother. She produces my podcasts. There you go.
• 38:50
  I think it's a great vision though, because we cannot get rid of our
• 38:52
  shadow, or shadow are always with us, right, It's always going to
• 38:55
  be there. However, like you said, Bill, that was a great
• 39:00
  observation about how we adjust the tendencies. And here's a little bit of homework
• 39:05
  all for all of us that are listening to this is you may know your
• 39:07
  tendencies, but it's actually pretty good to write them down as they come up
• 39:12
  because you might forget them again. So take time. When a tendency is
• 39:15
  when either you recognize it in yourself or somebody else comments on a pattern of
• 39:20
  behavior and tendency, write it down so you can get clear and you can
• 39:23
  recognize when it comes again, and just start building. Like you said,
• 39:27
  Charlie, they'll never we'll go through a whole life and not know all of
• 39:30
  them. So you could just start to get clearer on those knowing yourself and
• 39:36
  leading yourself. Well, well, thank you Charlie and Bill for coming back
• 39:38
  on. So glad to have you guys here my pleasure. Thank you guys
• 39:43
  for listening that into our The Business round Table podcast. We appreciate you guys
• 39:47
  following along like leave a comment, please leave a review. It's all helping
• 39:53
  get the message out there. And this is absolutely free. This is something
• 39:55
  that we give back to you because we want to provide value and resource.
• 40:00
  Reach out to myself, Bill, Charlie here, any of those that you
• 40:04
  hear on this podcast. We would love to talk with you. Connect with
• 40:06
  you directly, find us on our company pages, reach out here in a
• 40:10
  chat. We would love to hear from you. Thank you guys for being
• 40:13
  here. Have a great night anytime. Thank you David. Great topics. Hie hie