Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / April 8, 2025 | Expresso - Dawn Houghton & Melissa Hartzell

Transcript

April 8, 2025 | Expresso - Dawn Houghton & Melissa Hartzell · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, our parents were high school sweethearts, and my mom got pregnant the summer after her senior year, and they got married in November, and in May I came.
0:14
SPEAKER_02: That is my beautiful mom and my very handsome father.
0:20
SPEAKER_02: And um, my dad was kind of a wild and crazy kind of guy, and my mom was about as straight as an arrow.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, good girl, little Lutheran girl, uh, in the band and all the things.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: And my dad was just crazy.
0:41
SPEAKER_02: In a rock band, didn't graduate school.
0:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all the things.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: Everything terrified her parents, and everybody said it wasn't gonna last.
0:51
SPEAKER_02: So um that just gave him incentive to prove everybody wrong.
0:56
SPEAKER_02: Um, I was only child till five.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: My mom had a miscarriage in between.
1:03
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember any of that, but I do remember when she told me that she was pregnant with our other sister, Shelly.
1:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, she's the number two out of four.
1:14
SPEAKER_02: And I was so excited.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't wait for her to come.
1:19
SPEAKER_02: I was ready to be a big sister.
1:21
SPEAKER_02: I still remember um my mom had I had like a canopy bed back in the late 70s.
1:29
SPEAKER_02: And um, I just remember we were making the bed, and my mom said, I'm gonna have a baby, you're gonna be a big sister.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: And I was just, I remember it.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: Like I can smell the windows were open and everything, and I can smell it.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: And I was just so excited.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: And Shelly came and um everything was just great.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: But before Shelly came, um, my dad always worked nights and my mom worked days.
1:55
SPEAKER_02: And so I was with my dad all the time.
1:59
SPEAKER_02: And um I told Connie, I was just kind of his little buddy, and um, wherever he was going, we just did everything.
2:07
SPEAKER_02: Um he'd take me up, he worked at Adam's Business Forms, and I don't know if any of you are familiar with that, but it was like a printing press.
2:14
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I can, you know, I do have rem memories of him taking me up there um to pick up his check and just showing me off, I guess.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: And I told Connie, I have this vivid memory of him taking me to Star Wars in Kansas City.
2:33
SPEAKER_02: And I remember he said, we're going to Star Wars.
2:36
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know what that was, but I remember the drive to Kansas City because my dad was so excited because it was in one of the big theaters um downtown, and they had like back then you didn't have surround sound.
2:49
SPEAKER_02: So um I believe they would travel with big speakers to different theaters so you could get like and no nobody in Topeka was gonna have that.
2:57
SPEAKER_02: So we went to Kansas City and I had um brand new flip-flops that had sunflowers between the toes.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: I told Connie, I remember like being on the highway and just looking at my dad because he was so excited and looking at my flip-flops.
3:14
SPEAKER_02: And I said every day after that, if it's a good day, it has to compare to the sunflower flip-flop Star Wars Star Wars day.
3:22
SPEAKER_02: So um Shelly came along and um how many months are between you guys?
3:30
SPEAKER_02: Um I would assume.
3:33
SPEAKER_02: 18 months, probably.
3:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:36
SPEAKER_02: Um you know, it was Shelly got a lot of attention, but again, I was just right there, wanted to take care of her, wanted to just hold her and love her, and I just loved being a big sister.
3:49
SPEAKER_02: It was like no jealousy.
3:51
SPEAKER_02: I don't ever remember um being upset about it.
3:56
SPEAKER_02: We weren't going to church um yet.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: My mom, again, was raised Lutheran, and I do remember kind of just going probably at the holiday, and um, we went to preschool.
4:09
SPEAKER_02: I went to preschool there.
4:11
SPEAKER_02: Um, but Shelly, I just um it was just life was good.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: I don't have any bad memories of that time.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I was gonna have you go ahead too and just share.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you want to share the birth of Melissa and your brother also, and then what I was gonna have you share is uh because you do remember your parents coming to Christ.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: And um, and so then we'll kind of break away from after that, and then I'll have you kind of share your your memories of of coming into the world because it was fun reading their testimonies, you know.
4:46
SPEAKER_01: They both had like these really great, like Don's already kind of started to share these vivid, you know, recollections of of moments with, you know, their dad or their mom.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: And so uh I definitely want to give them both a chance to share that.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: But before she starts, why don't you share a little bit about your parents coming to Christ?
5:04
SPEAKER_02: Um well, and I can't remember.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: I feel like it was after Melissa was born, but before James was born for sure.
5:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, well, I think is Wanda, where's Wanda?
5:15
SPEAKER_02: Wanda's out here.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: She was pivotal, her husband and my dad worked together.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: And so um I just remember all of a sudden, you know, you know you're going to church.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: I knew what church was because I had been to our savior or the Lutheran church.
5:35
SPEAKER_02: And um then we were going to a different church.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: So in your mind as a kid, you think, oh, church is church, there's only one church.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: And then we went, and just all of a sudden we were there all the time.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: Like we were there Sunday mornings and Sunday nights and Wednesday nights and in between if the doors were open.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: Um so that was just a really, you know, like I could see a change in my parents, but it wasn't like they were terrible before, but it just seemed more um like my dad just had more hap more happiness, more joy.
6:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, because, you know, when you work off shifts from your spouse, and um that's I don't know what that's like, she does, but um, you know, they would write notes to each other with soap on the bathroom mirror.
6:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:27
SPEAKER_02: And I remember that as a kid, just thinking, wow, that's so cool, because they were just so outwardly affectionate with each other.
6:35
SPEAKER_02: But then it was almost like after they started going to church, it just got even more so.
6:40
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you just didn't think it could get better, but then it did.
6:44
SPEAKER_04: So um, James, you were mad?
6:49
SPEAKER_02: I was not mad about James.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Well Yeah.
6:56
SPEAKER_02: Well, I was 10 years older than James, so when my mom told me that she was pregnant with James, I didn't really, I didn't have the whole concept of how you make babies, but I knew that there was some romance involved.
7:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, you're just kind of like understanding some things, and I just thought, gosh, really?
7:19
SPEAKER_02: Did you guys really do this again?
7:24
SPEAKER_02: And I just remember thinking, because I my parents did expect a lot out of me.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, if there's any negative, I guess it was probably that I was kind of the default um nanny because I was the oldest.
7:37
SPEAKER_02: And you know, when you only have the one parent throughout the day, the other one needs help.
7:42
SPEAKER_02: So when mom was at work, I had to help dad.
7:44
SPEAKER_02: When dad was at work, I had to help mom.
7:47
SPEAKER_02: And I can remember running diaper pins, because mom always used cloth diapers, running the diaper pins through my hair so that it would go through the cloth diaper easily.
7:58
SPEAKER_02: And I was dumping poopy diapers in the toilet at eight years old and cleaning everything.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: And but I didn't know any different.
8:06
SPEAKER_02: I just thought that's what I was supposed to do.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, of course, you're kind of thinking, gosh, is this ever gonna stop?
8:12
SPEAKER_02: Because and then you tell me you're gonna have another one.
8:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: But once he was born, I I mean, I just loved him.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: He was like my my little baby.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: That was like the closest thing because I was old enough to really do a lot more with him.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: So um wasn't totally mad about it, just a little weirded out, I guess.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay, Melissa, why don't you tell us about your uh what you remember?
8:39
SPEAKER_04: I remember.
8:42
SPEAKER_04: Um, that's not me.
8:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's me.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: Um I don't remember like as much uh my memory is not like hers, and I don't know why that is.
8:58
SPEAKER_04: Probably because I smoked all my brain cells out or something, but I um I remember just always there was always something to do.
9:09
SPEAKER_04: Like, not like oh where we're going places, but we would create our own fun.
9:14
SPEAKER_04: And I think that's really cool to grow up that way.
9:17
SPEAKER_04: And um I had glasses, you know, it just was not fun.
9:24
SPEAKER_04: Like that kind of stuff wasn't fun.
9:26
SPEAKER_04: I didn't like that because I couldn't see the board, and I remember being like terrified to read in front of somebody, like in King.
9:33
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we're talking like small, and um they figured out obviously you need stronger glasses, you already have the ones from kindergarten, and you're like in the second grade, you need ones, you know.
9:43
SPEAKER_04: So that kind of stuff I didn't like.
9:45
SPEAKER_04: Um we us girls would just we'd have so much fun, like in the snow, and like I said, we just made up our own fun.
9:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you said uh dunk and donut picnics and yeah, he he loved to cruise the lake, like just drive around during the day, night, whatever, and we would have he would go to Dunkin' Donuts and get donut holes, and we would have picnics out at the lake for breakfast.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:13
SPEAKER_02: Because during the summer when we were out of school, um, you know, he had us during the day, so he was like, let's go get you wanna go get donuts and go to the lake, and then he'd just set there and he liked to he was really into photography for a while.
10:27
SPEAKER_02: So um he would just take pictures of us on the stuff, and you know, it was it was we were not that well toor, so I mean you have to make up your own fun.
10:41
SPEAKER_04: And the neighborhood that we lived in was so awesome because it was at the end of the block, it was like end like um dead end.
10:50
SPEAKER_04: So we got to play down at the dead end, and all the neighborhood kids came down there and very, very, very diverse neighborhood.
10:58
SPEAKER_04: So culturally, we were already exposed to inclusivity in the 80s, believe it or not.
11:06
SPEAKER_04: So um, yeah, it was awesome.
11:08
SPEAKER_04: I loved it.
11:09
SPEAKER_04: I loved growing up where we lived.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna have to come with that.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so uh Melissa, you did share a little bit in the early uh uh recollections of your childhood, sometimes when it was kind of walking on eggshells around your dad.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you share a little bit about that?
11:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
11:27
SPEAKER_04: So I'm pretty sure, I mean he never said it, but back then mental health wasn't really a thing.
11:33
SPEAKER_04: So I'm pretty certain he was suffering some from mental illness of some sort, depression, he was overweight.
11:42
SPEAKER_04: Um, probably he would say like regretful type things about his life, not like he would regret us, but just like he didn't do anything in life.
11:51
SPEAKER_04: He worked at Adams, you know, just like that's a bad thing, which is not looking back now.
11:57
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I'm an adult and I think I really respect that.
11:59
SPEAKER_04: So um he would go through these like little fits, not really sure why, he would just be mad for whatever reason.
12:07
SPEAKER_04: And um, like wouldn't talk to us for a couple weeks.
12:11
SPEAKER_04: I know that sounds crazy, but we just, you know, it's just what it was.
12:16
SPEAKER_04: So we would like tiptoe into the kitchen, get whatever we needed, and then go back to our bedrooms, and then one day he'd just be fine.
12:23
SPEAKER_04: He'd just be normal.
12:24
SPEAKER_04: And so then we were like, okay, we're good, you know.
12:27
SPEAKER_04: Um, I had a couple of spanking beanie type things that would happen, and I'm not really sure why he did that to me, but he apologized.
12:37
SPEAKER_04: He came home from work in the middle of the night and he said he was sorry, and you know, I know it broke his heart to break my glasses, you know, but it's just the way it was, and it's okay.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: I don't think it was two work and shift work um and long hours and and four kids and just the pressure of trying to make ends meet, you know, you don't looking back, like she said, I do think he probably suffered some depression.
13:09
SPEAKER_02: Um but y you know, it just kind of seemed like he was just down in the dumps and he probably would have been best if he just left let him be.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: But how do you do that when you have four kids that you're absolutely I mean you're babysitting these kids during the day?
13:25
SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, he'd be a little um cranky.
13:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a good word for it.
13:30
SPEAKER_02: Not abusive though.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um we'd make up for that for talking for the TV though.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you tell them about that real quick because that was funny.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
13:43
SPEAKER_04: So you guys might not think this is funny, but when there was nothing else on TV, our one TV in the front room that he was the ruler of, um, he would we would turn down the TV and he would talk for the like we'd find a channel, commercial or whatever, and he'd just do this improv comedian thing.
14:01
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
14:02
SPEAKER_04: It was so funny, and it's fun.
14:05
SPEAKER_04: I know you guys are like, what?
14:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you had to be there.
14:08
SPEAKER_04: But it was like all the times he was cranky and stuff, that made up for it.
14:13
SPEAKER_04: Yes, it was so good.
14:15
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: Kind of reminds me of Mystery Science Theater.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: Does anybody know what that is?
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Like all of a sudden I can picture that.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: I never really watched it like faithfully, but I do yeah.
14:24
SPEAKER_02: Oh, Aloha Oi.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: We didn't even tell you about that because when he would drive us to school, he'd drive us to school, we had a conversion van.
14:32
SPEAKER_02: And the Crandall's and Wanda, you guys remember our brown conversion van?
14:38
SPEAKER_02: And it was tinted windows, so you couldn't really see who was in it.
14:41
SPEAKER_02: Well, there'd be kids walking to school, kids we know walking to school, the grade school, and he always had hankies.
14:49
SPEAKER_02: He was a hanky man, and he would be like, Oh, do you guys know these your friends?
14:55
SPEAKER_02: And we'd be like, Yeah.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: And he'd stop and he'd wave the hanky out the window and say, Alo, haoi, alo, haoi.
15:03
SPEAKER_02: And we'd just be like, Oh my god.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: Did you seriously just do that?
15:06
SPEAKER_04: Everybody knows this van.
15:08
SPEAKER_04: He did that.
15:09
SPEAKER_04: We had a Chevelle too, two-door with four kids, okay?
15:12
SPEAKER_04: And he would zoom that, and I remember vividly hitting the floor of that Chevelle.
15:16
SPEAKER_03: Like they don't know.
15:17
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was already kind of embarrassed because he was overweight, and not a lot of people were overweight back then.
15:23
SPEAKER_04: Like one of other one other family in my grade, their mom was big like dad too.
15:29
SPEAKER_04: And I just remember I'm already embarrassed that you're you're taking me to school and then you're doing this with the hanky too.
15:37
SPEAKER_04: That's even more embarrassing.
15:39
SPEAKER_04: Now, I wish I don't care about his weight, you know what I mean?
15:42
SPEAKER_04: But back then I was like mortified.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we're gonna have to kind of fast forward just a little bit.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I want to preface this by saying something, you know, I I was visiting with a gentleman at church on Sunday morning.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: He's an acquaintance.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I we've exchanged names before and greetings, but I spent a little bit more time talking with him Sunday morning.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: And um he just looked up at me and said, you know, we're all just a bunch of broken people coming to church to worship God.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was a perfect statement, not only because it's true, but you know, um, one of the things that prevents women from getting up and sharing their testimony is because they might come across broken in ways that maybe we didn't know they were broken.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and it feels um a little scary, uh, maybe a lot scary sometimes.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Um and so Melissa and Don are obviously um uh they don't have anything to say now because their lives were perfect.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: Like right after they hit middle school, everything was just sunshine and roses and glitter and no.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: So they both um kind of went well, I'll let them share, but their personalities, if you can't tell by just looking at them, are quite different.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: It their lives um were lived out quite differently as they began this journey, not only um in and out of church with their parents, and then ultimately as as adults uh coming into adulthood, I should say, but also trying to figure out who they were as as women and in relationship and as parents.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: And so um it's gonna bounce around a little bit, obviously, because we're sharing the mic, but I just wanted to preface that by by reminding all of us something that we already know, which is that we're all just a bunch of broken people coming to church together to worship God.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: So um, Dawn, I'm gonna hand it over to you and let you kind of just share a little bit about middle school and high school, and uh, you can get up to that green car and then we'll jump over, okay?
18:01
SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: Um well, really quick, I did want to say that my mom was doing a Bible study one night when I was probably eight or nine, and um, the kids were in bed, and my dad was at work, and I just kind of went up to the kitchen table with her, and I was like, What are you doing?
18:19
SPEAKER_02: And she's like, I'm doing Bible study, and then she just kind of um it went into the gospel and she shared the gospel with me, and then I accepted Christ that night.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: And I just remember my mom crying, and so that was pretty special to me.
18:35
SPEAKER_02: So um, and then you know, obviously we were still going to church, so I was learning more about Jesus and you know, kind of understanding everything, and then um I hit middle school, and then you're kind of running into youth groups, and um just a lot of the kids there knew each other outside of church, and I always kind of felt a little a bit of an outsider.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: Um and then by the time eighth grade came, my dad had stopped going and I didn't really understand what had happened or what was going on.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: But my dad was staying home on Sundays, and my mom was taking us to church, and um she went to Sunday school for a little bit by herself, and then it eventually it kind of evolved into just dropping us kids off for Sunday school, and then she'd come back for church, and then um, you know, eventually nobody was going to church.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: So by the time I hit high school, I was not plugged in anywhere.
19:31
SPEAKER_02: None of us were plugged in anywhere.
19:32
SPEAKER_02: We were just kind of out there on our own.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: And um, so I hit freshman year, and I was a pretty good kid, had never been into tr any trouble, good grades, um, was in the gifted program.
19:44
SPEAKER_02: I was everything that my dad probably could have ever wanted me to be.
19:49
SPEAKER_02: Like I think he thought, up, she's good.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: She's she's she's good.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: I don't have to worry about her.
19:55
SPEAKER_02: And um then I started talking to a senior guy, and he talked me into skipping school, and I was skipping school a lot and um just, you know, not doing good things.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: And so I had a friend that was my best friend, but didn't like the idea that I had a boyfriend and she didn't.
20:17
SPEAKER_02: So she went to my parents' house with her mom and told my parents that I was skipping school and had had sex with this guy and and I had not had sex with him.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: And I walked in the door and my dad was home, he was supposed to be at work, and um, my friend and her mom were sitting in the living room, and um my dad said, Were you at school today?
20:41
SPEAKER_02: And I said, No.
20:42
SPEAKER_02: And um he just said, I know what you've been doing.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: And it I just was like, wow.
20:51
SPEAKER_02: And I said, um I just knew I was in big trouble first off.
20:56
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm in big trouble.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: And then I didn't realize that she had told him that I had had sex with him, and he didn't believe me when I told him that I didn't, and that still bothers me.
21:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, so he had me go talk to the pastor at the church that we weren't even going to.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: And because I think he thought that if Jesus could come back, uh, you know, my dad was like, here, take her, fix her.
21:22
SPEAKER_02: Um, and the pastor didn't believe me either.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: And I couldn't, I couldn't do anything to tell people I really didn't do these nasty things that she had spread around the whole school.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, so I had devastated my dad, I had lost my best friend, and the school thought that I was somebody that I wasn't.
21:45
SPEAKER_02: So that was a great way to kick off your four years of high school.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: And um so fast forward, um dad didn't talk to me for probably it was a while.
21:59
SPEAKER_02: It was quite a while.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: It was pretty rough.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: It was a rough year.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, I got rid of the guy and um had a great sophomore year and a pretty good junior year.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: But I told Connie I just always wanted a boyfriend.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: That's all I ever wanted in school.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: I just wanted a boyfriend.
22:18
SPEAKER_02: I um, you know, that's all I wanted.
22:21
SPEAKER_02: And so I was very vulnerable and I wasn't, I wasn't skinny, I wasn't a cheerleader, I wasn't um all the things.
22:29
SPEAKER_02: So um I ended up with some guy that turned into my first love, true love, but then it was very toxic and he was very abusive physically and mentally.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: And um the kids witnessed some of that when my parents were at home.
22:47
SPEAKER_02: And um it was just really rough, and it lasted for four years with him.
22:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, even after I graduated, we dated for another year and a half, probably afterwards.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: But when I say toxic, it was very toxic.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I tried to hide all of that from my parents because I, you know, it's supposed to be perfect, supposed to be, I was supposed to marry my high school sweetheart.
23:13
SPEAKER_02: My parents were high school sweethearts, so that's just what you do.
23:17
SPEAKER_02: Um and uh I it was just a big mess.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: It was a big mess.
23:25
SPEAKER_02: I don't even know um like that, yeah, he took advantage of me financially, and um just we were he would just get mad out of for no reason.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: And just when I told Connie one time we were driving down Fairlawn, where it kind of turns into that curve, and he was just irritated with me for some reason, and he just started going really, really fast, and he said, I'm gonna kill us both.
23:52
SPEAKER_02: And I just begged, please don't kill me.
23:55
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to die.
23:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to die.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: And then he, you know, slams on the brakes, and then I go forward.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: So it was that kind of stuff, four years of that, which um was kind of rough.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: So my mom I know was praying, because my mom, I think, had sensed something was not quite right.
24:12
SPEAKER_02: My dad was still working crazy shifts, so he would just get bits and pieces of him, and you know, it was like, hey, buddy, you know, this is a great guy.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: And I didn't know what my dad would do if he knew really what was going on.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: So that was a real burden for me to keep all of that from my parents and then not really have anybody that because he isolated me.
24:34
SPEAKER_02: I didn't have friends, it was just him.
24:38
SPEAKER_02: So um he could control me that way.
24:41
SPEAKER_02: And um, yeah.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: So all right.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: So but you had a thing for cars.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: He had a thing for cars, so one one day you're out driving around.
24:53
SPEAKER_02: Luckily, the one good thing about the toxic toxic guy, um, he was really into cars, so I got to learn about all the hot rod cars.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: The 80s, y'all had hot rods, you cruised the boulevard, you cruised the lake during the day.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, everybody's showing off their cars.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: And we were on a break, and we did this a lot.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: You know, he'd get sick of me, and then he'd throw me to the side, and then he'd call me and tell me he was sorry.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: Well, he had threw me to the side, and I was um working at Blue Cross.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: My dad had said you need to get a good car because you have a decent job.
25:31
SPEAKER_02: So I bought an escort GT that was teal with a sunroof and a spoiler.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: And um, so that was kind of the color of the early 90s.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: Everybody wanted that cool color of car.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: And so I had that.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: So, of course, I'm driving my new cool car out at the lake, and then I see a green challenger, and I was like, that's a cool car.
25:59
SPEAKER_02: And he's kind of cute driving that car.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: And if nothing else, I want to get a ride in that car because that is a really cool car.
26:07
SPEAKER_02: So um I just started honking and waving because I don't know if anybody out here ever cruised.
26:14
SPEAKER_02: Aniti, you probably know.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, so you know how we would just like drive around the lake, and then it was like bumper to bumper, and you're barely moving.
26:25
SPEAKER_02: And so every time he would drive by me, I would be like, honk and wave, you know.
26:32
SPEAKER_02: And he's just like, yeah, and so I was doing that all the time.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: Well, then I realized, oh my gosh, he's up at the Sonic on California.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: So I drove through the Sonic.
26:44
SPEAKER_02: I said, this was stalking officially, but there was no social media.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: So nobody tried to act like you don't stalk on your phones because we just didn't have that capability.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: So, yes, I drove through Sonic.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: I kept trying to see, does he have a girlfriend?
27:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, what what's going on?
27:03
SPEAKER_02: And so I saw him twice in Highland Park and I thought, he's gotta live over here.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: So I started just on my way home, I just start driving the straight.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I did that.
27:18
SPEAKER_02: I drove all I, you know, if I went to Dylan's, then I was like, well, you know, I think I'll take this way home, and then maybe I'll see him.
27:25
SPEAKER_02: And then I saw him at 29th in Indiana, and I thought, where is this guy?
27:31
SPEAKER_02: Well, one day I saw the car in the driveway.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: So now I knew where he lived.
27:34
SPEAKER_02: So then I was driving by to see is there a wife, is there children, is there any of this stuff?
27:41
SPEAKER_02: And then you can tell the story at the lake.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: Stay tuned.
27:45
SPEAKER_02: Stay tuned.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: So let's start with how much you loved makeup and boys, and let's let's c catch up with you a little bit.
27:54
SPEAKER_01: And caboodles.
27:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
27:56
SPEAKER_04: I loved makeup.
27:57
SPEAKER_04: I loved all the things that she was doing.
28:02
SPEAKER_04: She's she's seven years older than me.
28:04
SPEAKER_04: So I idolized her.
28:06
SPEAKER_04: She may have thought she was nothing, but she was like everything to me.
28:10
SPEAKER_04: And so she would, you know, get tired of whatever makeup, and she's like, here do you want this?
28:15
SPEAKER_04: Yes, I would.
28:16
SPEAKER_04: So I got really into that.
28:18
SPEAKER_04: I'm sure I wasn't good at putting it on, but that's okay.
28:21
SPEAKER_04: And um, had a friend, and we traded our makeup because her grandma was rich, and so she had all this like high-end stuff, and I had at least, you know, drugstore or whatever.
28:31
SPEAKER_04: And so her and I have been friends so for like almost 40 years, and we've only been in one fight, and it was over Lady Stetson perfume because she gave it up and she wanted it back, and I didn't want to give it back to her.
28:45
SPEAKER_04: So that's just a little bit of fun stuff there.
28:48
SPEAKER_04: Um, and I I knew like around 10 that I knew that I really liked boys, like they were cute, and men, like, not like that sounds terrible, but like I would recognize an attractive man, like at a younger age.
29:05
SPEAKER_04: And I I don't know if that was right or wrong or whatever, but I just knew that I liked boys a lot.
29:11
SPEAKER_04: I knew I was going to like boys, and um so I went into middle school.
29:17
SPEAKER_04: Well, in the sixth grade, I had my first kiss, which I guess you could call it a kiss, but I didn't know what I was doing.
29:22
SPEAKER_04: He didn't know what he was doing, so um whatever.
29:27
SPEAKER_04: But I went into seventh grade and it's awkward and terrible, and I, you know, you're the lower class people because the eighth graders are, you know, doing their thing.
29:41
SPEAKER_04: Anyhow, so I had a I met some new friends, and uh Kelly was one of the one of my closer friends during that time, and so we just kind of we're kind of little nerds together, just kind of like hanging around or whatever, not really dating a boy in seventh grade, but still liking them, and um eighth grade comes along, and I feel a little bit of confidence because I'm the older one, and so feeling that vibe, and I kind of had this little boyfriend, I'm not gonna say his name because we're not gonna do that here, and um, he was so cute, he was a twin, and um so we were just kind of you know vibing or whatever, and um I had a friend that I stayed the night with uh one time, and she had a boyfriend that was a soldier at Fort Riley, and he had brought his friend over too.
30:42
SPEAKER_04: Her parents were gone for the night.
30:44
SPEAKER_04: And um, I don't think I've told my kids this, so don't be shocked.
30:49
SPEAKER_04: Uh anyway, so they were drinking and stuff, and we were just down in the basement playing games, watching TV, doing kitty stuff, or whatever, what middle school stuff, probably you know, watching MTV or something.
31:03
SPEAKER_04: And so then we went upstairs and they were drinking, and so we started drinking.
31:07
SPEAKER_04: Why not?
31:08
SPEAKER_04: Right?
31:08
SPEAKER_04: So we were drinking.
31:10
SPEAKER_04: I wasn't drunk, we quit drinking, went to bed, but didn't think anything of it.
31:15
SPEAKER_04: And then I woke up to somebody touching me, and I was like, what is going on?
31:22
SPEAKER_04: And I realized it was that friend of the boyfriend of my friend's sister, and he was like trying to take my pants down and doing all this stuff, and I just was like, I couldn't move.
31:38
SPEAKER_04: I didn't, it was like, you know, when you have a dream and you can't scream, but you want to scream and you can't, and that's how it was.
31:44
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I I couldn't, I didn't know what to do because I remembered in my right mind during the day, he was kind of attractive dude, you know.
31:53
SPEAKER_04: He was an old, he was a man, but I was like, you're kind of nice looking.
31:57
SPEAKER_04: But I knew that that wasn't right.
31:58
SPEAKER_04: I knew that he shouldn't be doing that to me.
32:01
SPEAKER_04: And then he picked me up and took me over to the couch, and he was on like on top of me, he was kissing me, his breath stunk.
32:07
SPEAKER_04: It was so gross.
32:09
SPEAKER_04: And I couldn't do anything.
32:10
SPEAKER_04: I literally could not speak.
32:13
SPEAKER_04: And she sat up because she had a couch bed, pullout bed, and she's like she must have heard.
32:19
SPEAKER_04: I can't imagine what that was like for her, too.
32:22
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was being pretty bad too, but I can imagine listening to somebody else get abused.
32:27
SPEAKER_04: Um but she's like, What are you doing?
32:29
SPEAKER_04: You're not supposed to be doing that.
32:31
SPEAKER_04: And he was like, Oh, I'm just I'm just kidding.
32:34
SPEAKER_04: I'm just kidding, or whatever.
32:36
SPEAKER_04: And then he just went up the stairs and I went back to bed and I cried because I was like, that was really freaky.
32:45
SPEAKER_04: Why why would somebody do that to me?
32:47
SPEAKER_04: And then we never her and I never talked about it.
32:50
SPEAKER_04: We never even spoke about it, ever.
32:52
SPEAKER_04: I don't even know if she would remember.
32:55
SPEAKER_04: So whatever.
32:56
SPEAKER_04: But that was pretty traumatic.
32:57
SPEAKER_04: I didn't like that, but it kind of set the stage for I feel like a lot of things.
33:02
SPEAKER_04: Um with getting attention, but kind of being a tease too, a little bit.
33:12
SPEAKER_04: Um, but by the time I got into high school, I was my freshman year.
33:18
SPEAKER_04: She was like doing all this stuff, and she was like so afraid.
33:21
SPEAKER_04: I didn't care.
33:22
SPEAKER_04: I was doing the same thing, and I really was doing it.
33:25
SPEAKER_04: I really was skipping, I really was doing drugs, having sex, all the things.
33:30
SPEAKER_04: And um, so I just thought, if I'm gonna get caught, I want to make it like worth it.
33:37
SPEAKER_04: And that's not good, but I really did it up good.
33:41
SPEAKER_04: So I was wild uh for sure.
33:44
SPEAKER_04: And then I had that boyfriend back that I was oh, I remember I also remember that night the next day I called him and I told him that I like I was sorry that that guy did that to me.
33:56
SPEAKER_04: And he didn't really understand.
33:57
SPEAKER_04: It made him feel a little weird too, but I felt like like guilty, like I did something against him, even though I didn't do anything.
34:04
SPEAKER_04: It was it was really confusing, very confusing.
34:06
SPEAKER_04: Anyways, so him and I dated off and on through high school, and then I dated other people while I was dating him, um, which isn't good.
34:15
SPEAKER_04: And I was just never could commit to one thing, I guess.
34:21
SPEAKER_04: And I was playing softball and I had friends, and I mean I was doing a lot of good things, but I was doing a lot of bad things too.
34:30
SPEAKER_04: And I never ever considered Christ at that time at all.
34:34
SPEAKER_04: It was not sin was not like anything I was doing.
34:38
SPEAKER_04: I didn't even think about it, I didn't run it through a spiritual filter at all.
34:43
SPEAKER_04: And I would go to church with some people just to visit, but it wasn't because I was getting filled with like worship or community or anything.
34:52
SPEAKER_04: I didn't care about any of that stuff.
34:55
SPEAKER_04: And um sophomore year, I was did him pretty bad.
35:00
SPEAKER_04: I did him pretty bad.
35:01
SPEAKER_04: And then um my junior year I didn't date anybody, and I just was really depressed.
35:06
SPEAKER_04: I was wanting to die.
35:08
SPEAKER_04: I would like take all these pills at night because I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up because I was so depressed, and I was like a third wheel to all my friends because I didn't have a boyfriend, and it was all my fault because I had hurt him so bad, and I was just, you know, just deserved this.
35:23
SPEAKER_04: And so I knew Kenny in high school.
35:27
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm sorry.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, cat's out of the bag.
35:31
SPEAKER_01: Kat is out of the bag.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, hold on one second.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: So I do want you to share before you um before you go into your senior year, uh the softball di, you know, the how because because your girl here's moving on, right?
35:46
SPEAKER_01: By your senior year, she's oh she's yeah, she's with yeah.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: So let's let's back up just just a couple minutes because I I want to have time because you guys both went through, I mean, we haven't even hit 2007 yet, which was an incredibly pivotal time in your life.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: And then don't worry, we'll fast forward.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: We should be done by 10.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: Um so um, because I I want to get there, but how you both um I don't know why I'm getting emotional, but how you both basically find your guys.
36:15
SPEAKER_01: Let's let's do that.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: And then um, and then we'll we'll fast forward a little bit.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so so since she wanted you to share about the softball and thing, we'll we'll do that.
36:26
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
36:27
SPEAKER_04: So I played on the softball team for a few years.
36:32
SPEAKER_02: She had rode with me around the lake.
36:34
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, let me go there.
36:35
SPEAKER_04: I was I was her ride or die at 11 or whatever it was.
36:41
SPEAKER_04: And um I didn't have anything else to do, why not?
36:44
SPEAKER_04: It's there's boys out there, duh.
36:46
SPEAKER_04: And so so we went out there and she's like, I wanna, you know, show you this guy or whatever.
36:51
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Oh, yes, let's, and then we got some crazy bread, and we were just crazy bread from little Caesars.
36:56
SPEAKER_04: Little Caesars, yeah.
36:57
SPEAKER_04: We were on it that day, and so we saw him, and I was like, Oh my gosh.
37:01
SPEAKER_04: Well, actually, I think his I thought his friend was cuter than Mike, because he had a friend, he had a ride or die too.
37:06
SPEAKER_04: His name was John.
37:07
SPEAKER_04: And I thought he was cute too.
37:09
SPEAKER_04: Or is that the time?
37:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, but I mean, we wait Yeah, yeah.
37:14
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so she knew about the green car.
37:16
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I knew about the green car, and she said, I'm gonna marry him.
37:21
SPEAKER_04: Like, not name it, claim it kind of stuff, but she's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna marry him.
37:25
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Okay, okay, whatever, you know.
37:30
SPEAKER_04: And so I played softball on a team that just happened to be Mike, the guy in the green cars sister's team.
37:39
SPEAKER_04: She was my coach.
37:40
SPEAKER_04: So I had already been around this family for years, and we never never he never came to the games or anything.
37:47
SPEAKER_04: I never saw him.
37:48
SPEAKER_04: And so I thought that was pretty it was pretty cool that I was with her one time when we did see, and she like, I want to marry him or whatever.
37:57
SPEAKER_04: And then to know that I was already involved in the family before she even was.
38:01
SPEAKER_02: So well then she found out from his niece that was my uncle.
38:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and where he worked.
38:06
SPEAKER_02: So then I had another place to drive by.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:09
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Thank you.
38:10
SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much, sis.
38:12
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, we met.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, he well, the first day he stopped me and asked me my name.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: She was with me, and then he left.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he said, What's your name?
38:25
SPEAKER_02: And I said, Don, what's yours?
38:26
SPEAKER_02: Mike.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: And then he drove on and he left the lake.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, wow, okay.
38:31
SPEAKER_02: Well, then the next weekend we saw each other again, and it's been together ever since.
38:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, he was just amazing.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't even believe that somebody like him would want to be with me.
38:47
SPEAKER_02: Um like our first night that we went to Sonic for our first date and a car show, and that was at the Expo Center, and he was opening my door for me, and he paid for my food, and I didn't know I didn't know what that was like because my ex hardly ever could keep a job and was always needing money, and I was paying anytime we wanted to do anything.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: And I do want to back up just really quick on toxic guys' parents because they were a Christian and I did go to church with them several times.
39:23
SPEAKER_02: And I told Connie, every time I went, you know, because I did have that foundation, I did know who Jesus was, I did remember being saved.
39:32
SPEAKER_02: I just didn't have like it's like my wheels were stuck.
39:36
SPEAKER_02: And I said every time I would have these, like when I would go to church and I'd be like, like bumping into an old friend at the grocery store that you hadn't seen for a long time.
39:45
SPEAKER_02: But then when you talk, it's like you had no time in between.
39:49
SPEAKER_02: And then it's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a call.
39:52
SPEAKER_02: I I'm gonna call you.
39:54
SPEAKER_02: And then I just didn't.
39:55
SPEAKER_02: So every time I was just like, I missed that.
39:58
SPEAKER_02: I missed it a lot.
40:00
SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, um, we got married, and um, he's just he's the most amazing man ever.
40:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, he had been through a really messy divorce.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: His mom had died a little bit before I met him.
40:15
SPEAKER_02: Um his dad actually died a month to the day before our wedding.
40:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, and when his mom was really sick with cancer, he was really bad into drugs, and he wasn't there when his mom passed away.
40:28
SPEAKER_02: And Mike and I were together, and he was there with his dad, and I truly believe um, and Mike was a believer, he actually went to church with his sister here at TBC when he lived with her.
40:39
SPEAKER_02: So um I just think that it was just so so God.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: I mean, because he with his dad's dying, it was completely different from with his mom's, and um he just, you know, he was a recovering drug addict, and um he just we just were made for each other and I love him so much.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: I just I just love him so much.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay, you know, you have to just do like the speed reading version of senior senior year.
41:12
SPEAKER_04: Well, I met him my freshman year, and I was like, you're straight laced, you're cute, but I don't want you.
41:19
SPEAKER_04: Fast forward four years.
41:21
SPEAKER_04: We were friends since school, but we didn't run at the same peer group.
41:24
SPEAKER_04: And so um we went to enroll, and he's standing there with and I'm with my best friend, he's with his, and I'm like, damn, Kenny looks he's cute, you know?
41:33
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, what happened?
41:35
SPEAKER_04: Am I seeing him with clear eyes or something?
41:38
SPEAKER_04: And I just noticed him off, and then we were seniors, so we were doing all kinds of stuff.
41:44
SPEAKER_04: We were homecoming candidates, so we were doing even more stuff together, and he asked me if I wanted to go with him.
41:49
SPEAKER_04: We must have been, he must have been feeling it, you know, the chemistry.
41:53
SPEAKER_04: And we went to go get his tucks, and he kissed me.
41:59
SPEAKER_04: And and I said, I said, I can't, I, I can't, I can't mess with you.
42:06
SPEAKER_04: You have a girlfriend.
42:07
SPEAKER_04: And he said, I won't by the morning.
42:10
SPEAKER_04: And I go, okay, whatever.
42:12
SPEAKER_04: So we go.
42:13
SPEAKER_04: He we we were rehearsing for homecoming, and he said, I'm I'm single.
42:19
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, okay, well, I guess this is this we're gonna we're gonna go out.
42:23
SPEAKER_04: And so um we dated.
42:26
SPEAKER_04: We didn't win homecoming, but that's okay.
42:28
SPEAKER_04: And we dated, and um just we couldn't be separated, like Don and Mike.
42:34
SPEAKER_04: It's like we were inseparable, almost to the point of my friends were very annoyed by that.
42:40
SPEAKER_04: And um we spent a lot of time together so much that four months later, I get pregnant.
42:48
SPEAKER_04: So is that where you wanted to go?
42:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, well, yeah, we need here.
42:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: We we need to we need to just, you know, from a timeline standpoint.
42:58
SPEAKER_01: So you're you're with your high school sweetheart, and you do find out that you're pregnant.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: And so I'll I'll just I'll just um so so like your mom and dad, uh unfortunately didn't work out for you.
43:12
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, yeah.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh but but you did end up marrying your high school sweetheart.
43:18
SPEAKER_01: So I'm I'm gonna share a little bit because we do need to get to 2007, because that really just turned both your lives around and in in not so great ways, but also kind of the catalyst for for everything coming back.
43:30
SPEAKER_01: So um so she and Kenny started their life.
43:36
SPEAKER_01: They both had um, you know, she was a softball player, he was a football player, um, and everything got put on hold.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: And she went to work at Blue Cross and Blue Shield.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: And although Kenny was playing football and taking classes, he ended up getting injured and and had to also then go to work.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: So their life is on a different trajectory, and they're very hardworking and they're Intentional about raising their kids and their families are very close.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: They're spending a lot of time.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: Dawn gets pregnant with her son Michael.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: And so, in fact, you guys were pregnant kind of at the same time.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: And um and so life is kind of going uh pretty normal for a little while.
44:20
SPEAKER_02: And then in 2007, we all went back to church, even my parents went back to church.
44:25
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna let okay.
44:27
SPEAKER_02: I mean, yeah, so this was all when we were pregnant and everything.
44:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um you can't talk because I have the microphone and it won't get recorded.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna hand it to you and you say just what you said.
44:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
44:39
SPEAKER_04: We took like a 15-year break from this church and we went back because dad's uh my grandma died, and he's like, I'm going back to church.
44:46
SPEAKER_04: I want you guys to come too.
44:47
SPEAKER_04: We're like, Okay, sure, why not?
44:49
SPEAKER_04: You know, I actually Sharon Meisner, she's not here, but she used to pick us up for VBS, and that's where I got saved at like six or seven.
44:58
SPEAKER_04: So that was my um got saved, sorry.
45:02
SPEAKER_04: But um, I mean, we were all believers.
45:04
SPEAKER_04: I wasn't living like that, but I always believed.
45:07
SPEAKER_04: So he we all came back, all of us, even Shelly down in Texas.
45:11
SPEAKER_04: It was like how big of a blessing would that have been for your kid, for your parents to want your kids to come back to church, and there was no hesitation.
45:20
SPEAKER_04: It was pretty amazing.
45:22
SPEAKER_04: So, but that was the death of my grandma that that's kind of springboarded my dad towards that direction again.
45:29
SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah, you can keep going now.
45:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
45:31
SPEAKER_04: Um we had kids.
45:35
SPEAKER_04: Oh, life is great.
45:37
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, pretty good.
45:38
SPEAKER_04: We have our kids and everything's pretty normal.
45:41
SPEAKER_04: Um, just living life, going to the same church that we were when we were small.
45:47
SPEAKER_04: And um then dad's just health is just declining and declining and declining.
45:54
SPEAKER_04: And he did not have a good last probably three years of his life, really sucked.
45:59
SPEAKER_04: And um so and he looked like he was giving up.
46:03
SPEAKER_04: Like he was a big, but he always wanted to take care of himself and smell good, and there was like a care to him, and he just was losing that.
46:10
SPEAKER_04: And so my uncle, my mom's brother, had cancer, and so my mom and my grandma went down to Florida to see him before he died, and we knew like mom was like, take care of him, because she was like worried, he should want to get the guns out of the house.
46:29
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was not good.
46:31
SPEAKER_04: And she said, take care of dad.
46:34
SPEAKER_04: So we gave him his meals, he didn't eat them, and by the time she got back, he was in the hospital.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: And our uncle passed away.
46:45
SPEAKER_02: She was down there.
46:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she he had passed away in eight in May.
46:49
SPEAKER_04: Dad got in the hospital in June.
46:52
SPEAKER_04: He was in the hospital before Father's Day, and he never came out.
46:56
SPEAKER_04: So he started to have renal failure and just his body was not cooperating because he hadn't taken care of it.
47:05
SPEAKER_04: So he was dying.
47:07
SPEAKER_04: And um, the Friday before he died, I took off the day from work and I went up there and I talked to him all day.
47:14
SPEAKER_04: I spent the whole day up there.
47:16
SPEAKER_04: He had long hair, so I brushed his hair, and we just talked and cried and laughed and yeah, it was sweet.
47:31
SPEAKER_04: I can't say it.
47:34
SPEAKER_04: It was so like special, and he was like, tell me, I'm so proud of you, because you know, we were just kids raising kids, and he said, I love you, and I I love Kenny.
47:47
SPEAKER_04: Uh you know, he's just like really just like stuck, like going through every single kit and their family, and I was just the only one there.
47:56
SPEAKER_04: So it was just me and him.
47:58
SPEAKER_04: And then two days later, she's calling me because I didn't go up there after church because I was sick of going up there.
48:06
SPEAKER_04: It had been six weeks, I was tired of it.
48:08
SPEAKER_04: Our our sister had came into town and we got in this huge fight because it was just the pressure was just too much.
48:14
SPEAKER_04: And my mom was not helpful at all with any of it.
48:18
SPEAKER_04: And um, so she says, Do you want to go from there?
48:22
SPEAKER_04: Do you want me to keep going?
48:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, um he was in he had to be intubated, and so um his last few hours was in the ICU, intubated, but um he was awake and you know, he just there's so much love.
48:43
SPEAKER_02: Just I I was at the end of I was out of things to say.
48:49
SPEAKER_02: And God does not give everyone the opportunity to be able to just be out of things to say.
48:57
SPEAKER_02: And so we just said, are you right?
48:59
SPEAKER_02: Go home, dad.
49:00
SPEAKER_02: And he said Jesus now, and you know, but it was tr very traumatic, it was just traumatic, and my mom just didn't handle it very well.
49:15
SPEAKER_02: She just didn't she didn't know how to do life without my dad.
49:20
SPEAKER_02: Um so I kind of had to step in because um in the meantime, my grandma, my mom's mom is not doing well and she's not telling anyone.
49:33
SPEAKER_02: So my uncle dies in May, my dad dies in July, my brother-in-law, the coach of her bot baseball team, died in September, and then um our grandma died in December of that year.
49:47
SPEAKER_02: My mom's.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: So she lost her brother, her husband, and her mom all within six months.
49:54
SPEAKER_02: So she just didn't do it well, and um, so I needed to step in and just kind of take care of things.
50:05
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I remember reading in uh Melissa's testimony that uh you watched your mom crawl up into the bed with your dad.
50:14
SPEAKER_01: Um and what a lasting impression that made on you because he was the love of her life.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: And so she was the devastation was just a want to um here.
50:28
SPEAKER_04: It made me want to have that exp if it was gonna go like that.
50:32
SPEAKER_04: If I have to go like that with with my husband, I want it to be like that.
50:37
SPEAKER_04: Because even though he couldn't talk back, he knew she was like telling him that I love you, you're the love of my life, and all this stuff.
50:43
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, oh my god, this is really happening, you know.
50:46
SPEAKER_04: I couldn't believe it.
50:48
SPEAKER_04: Even though I just had two days, two days ago, I'm talking to him, like in like I thought he was gonna get out.
50:53
SPEAKER_04: He actually got up out of the bed and walked that day.
50:56
SPEAKER_04: I just couldn't believe it.
50:57
SPEAKER_04: It was traumatic.
50:58
SPEAKER_04: But all of us were there except for my sister.
51:00
SPEAKER_04: My brother even made it back.
51:02
SPEAKER_04: He was driving a truck at the time.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: So Yeah, the guys were there, our husbands were in the room.
51:07
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was beautiful.
51:08
SPEAKER_02: It was a beautiful when you have a loved one that you know is going to heaven, uh it is just it it changes everything.
51:16
SPEAKER_02: Like there's not that panic.
51:18
SPEAKER_02: It's just um like it's just it just felt it felt so good and so bad at the same time, but I just knew that he was, I mean, I could just see it.
51:29
SPEAKER_02: Like he was ready.
51:30
SPEAKER_02: He was going into heaven and glory, and it was just it was like your best, your your best day and your worst day all at once.
51:38
SPEAKER_02: So it was beautiful, it was beautiful.
51:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it is almost eight o'clock, which is crazy town.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: We've gone over before.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna go over just a few minutes.
51:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, because both of these gals kind of after they lose their dad, both of their lives kind of take some crazy turns.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: So um, since we don't have time to go into all of the details that lead up to the things, maybe you can both just take uh maybe five minutes each and just share um maybe some of um the highlights of what you know God has brought you through since then.
52:25
SPEAKER_01: Because I know Don, you said in your testimony that God has been faithful, like you started it off, knowing that He has been with you this whole time.
52:35
SPEAKER_01: And I know that you shared a song with me where the lyrics were kind of in a broken way talking about the faithfulness of God, a Christian song by Lauren Daigle, right?
52:45
SPEAKER_01: So um I hate it that we have to kind of wrap it up because it's um there's there's so much there that you guys have have walked through with the Lord and so much um great stuff that's happened, and it's hard to know the great thing without knowing the hard thing that came before it.
53:03
SPEAKER_01: So um I'll let you guys discern and just maybe take five or six minutes apiece and share from that time that your your dad passed and and just jump forward to kind of how you got from there to here now.
53:16
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
53:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, wasn't angry at God.
53:19
SPEAKER_02: Um, none of that.
53:21
SPEAKER_02: Was just thankful that I had a dad up in heaven.
53:24
SPEAKER_02: Um went through raising Michael as a teenager, taking care of my mom.
53:30
SPEAKER_02: Michael made some really bad choices that I had to struggle with.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: Mike got hurt at work pretty severely, was off work for a year and a half, did physical therapy for a year, lost complete use of his right arm.
53:44
SPEAKER_02: They didn't know if he was gonna have to go on disability, um, had to pray really hard for the Lord to just give me strength and to see Mike the way that he sees him because it's really hard.
53:55
SPEAKER_02: Everything's great until that sickness and health stuff comes in.
54:00
SPEAKER_02: And you just think, oh, I'm gonna be great.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be a great wife if something ever happens.
54:04
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's easier to say it than to actually be in the trenches and have to do it.
54:09
SPEAKER_02: And it was his dominant arm.
54:11
SPEAKER_02: So my husband, if anybody knows him at all, knows that he likes to do everything and he couldn't do anything.
54:18
SPEAKER_02: And so he suffered some depression, and um, but the Lord healed him, he's back to work, and um, so that happened.
54:26
SPEAKER_02: We dealt with some struggles that Michael had.
54:30
SPEAKER_02: Um he is with my beautiful daughter-in-love that I adore.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, I can't ask for a better daughter-in-law.
54:39
SPEAKER_02: She is my daughter, and um she has taken really good care of my son, and he's in a better place.
54:48
SPEAKER_02: And then um I fell and broke my foot in five places and developed what's called CRPS, chronic regional pain syndrome.
54:59
SPEAKER_02: So that's a chronic condition, so I just have pain all the time.
55:03
SPEAKER_02: I'm learning how to deal with that.
55:06
SPEAKER_02: Um it's called the suicide disease because the pain is so terrible.
55:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, they want to just dope you up and give you a bunch of medicine to take care of everything.
55:16
SPEAKER_02: But um the Lord just put the right people in my life and the right therapists, and so um I have recovered from that really well.
55:25
SPEAKER_02: It is in a semi-remission state.
55:27
SPEAKER_02: It just kind of has flare-ups and stuff, but um I'm off all but one med now.
55:33
SPEAKER_02: So um, and if you read anything about it, you'll know that I am definitely um a walking testimony that God can do great things.
55:45
SPEAKER_02: Literally and figuratively a walking testimony.
55:47
SPEAKER_02: A walking testimony, because a lot of the a lot of people that have it can't walk.
55:51
SPEAKER_02: They um it it's pretty severe.
55:55
SPEAKER_02: And so I I fell in August and developed it.
56:01
SPEAKER_02: I was still in the boot, like in January.
56:04
SPEAKER_02: I was going through physical therapy.
56:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, Michelle was pregnant with um my Graham baby.
56:12
SPEAKER_02: And in March, she was born with a little, I don't know, what should we call it, an anomaly, a rare disorder, um, to where she had to go to children's mercy right after she was born.
56:28
SPEAKER_02: And so she was in children's mercy for about a month, and she was looking at at least three major surgeries.
56:35
SPEAKER_02: Her little innards were all just a big blob of everything.
56:41
SPEAKER_02: And so she had to go through reconstructive surgery.
56:45
SPEAKER_02: She came home with a catheter and a colostomy bag, and just, you know, not what you want to see your kids go through for their first baby.
56:55
SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, that was a struggle, and it was a big long walk from the parking garage to where for me, that was a struggle because I could barely walk to the bathroom.
57:09
SPEAKER_02: And so, but God just I, you know, I can't even explain it.
57:14
SPEAKER_02: We'd be on the drive up to Kansas City, and I didn't even think about the foot because I just wanted to see my baby girl.
57:20
SPEAKER_02: Do you have a picture of her?
57:25
SPEAKER_02: That's my sweet Lakin, and that is her first birthday, and that is all of us at Christmas.
57:32
SPEAKER_02: And I and I wish I had more time to tell you just how much of a trooper she is and how wonderful my kids are.
57:38
SPEAKER_02: Um, I watched my son become a man and take care of, you know, because you can't find daycare for a baby that has a catheter and a colostomy bag and um all the extra stuff.
57:52
SPEAKER_02: So Michael just kicked it in high gear.
57:56
SPEAKER_02: And Michelle is uh, she's I like I said, I can ask for anything better.
58:02
SPEAKER_02: She's just, I love her so much, and they just have done so, so good, and she's just amazing.
58:08
SPEAKER_02: I just love her so much.
58:10
SPEAKER_02: I love her, I just love her.
58:12
SPEAKER_02: You guys, I just love her.
58:14
SPEAKER_02: I can't stand it.
58:15
SPEAKER_02: I just love her.
58:18
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
58:20
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
58:21
SPEAKER_04: So dad dies, mom is not well, mom decides to start dating.
58:28
SPEAKER_04: Mom marries a guy that I don't like and I still don't like, and I was trying so hard to get her to not marry this man.
58:40
SPEAKER_04: So hard that my family was falling apart, going all different directions.
58:45
SPEAKER_04: My girls were having personal issues, that's their testimony.
58:49
SPEAKER_04: They can talk about it someday.
58:51
SPEAKER_04: Um, Bubba was just being Bubba.
58:54
SPEAKER_04: He was kind of unscathed, but I was externally just I was out of control.
59:02
SPEAKER_04: And I made the worst decision of my entire life, and I decided that I was gonna start a relationship with someone else besides my husband.
59:12
SPEAKER_04: And I was in a year-long relationship with this person, and um it was terrible.
59:21
SPEAKER_04: And I will say this Kerrigan accidentally saw a text message on my phone and she confronted me, and that's how I knew I had to tell him because I was busted big time.
59:35
SPEAKER_04: She's gonna tell him, and that's not something you want to put on your 12-year-old daughter to tell their dad that their mom is having an affair with somebody.
59:43
SPEAKER_04: And um, so I told him, or I I knew the next day I was gonna tell him.
59:50
SPEAKER_04: So I didn't sleep all night.
59:51
SPEAKER_04: I just held him and I knew that this might be the last time I ever get to sleep with him ever again.
59:57
SPEAKER_04: And I just couldn't believe that I did what I did.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_04: And so he got up for work and I followed him downstairs and I told him, and he knew exactly who it was.
1:00:09
SPEAKER_04: And um that was like the lowest of the lowest for our our marriage.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_04: The teenage antics that I went through with Chloe was nothing compared to that.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_04: And I was like shook.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_04: I was like, wake up, Melissa, you're messed up.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_04: This is not right.
1:00:32
SPEAKER_04: Your mom is not worth you ruining your marriage over because I wanted to just have something, something to that I could control.
1:00:41
SPEAKER_04: And um, you know what?
1:00:44
SPEAKER_04: It didn't matter because we made it through.
1:00:46
SPEAKER_04: And we went through counseling and um I had um started these notebooks with him that I would write these love letters because he worked nights, which was part of the problem because I was lonely and not an excuse, as not an excuse at all.
1:01:03
SPEAKER_04: But I was able to reconnect it with him in a different way than I ever did before.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_04: And we have I looked at him the other night.
1:01:13
SPEAKER_04: We have four notebooks that range from from 2013 all the way to this last Valentine's hundreds of entries.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_04: And um they're just love letters to one another.
1:01:26
SPEAKER_04: And it was a way for us to reconnect from him being on nights and just not missing.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_04: I told Connie there's a there's a scene in Rocky, I don't know if you guys remember this, but he's in the meet thing with Polly, and he's like, Why do you want to be with my sister?
1:01:41
SPEAKER_04: And he's like, There, there's no gaps.
1:01:44
SPEAKER_04: Like, we ain't got no gaps.
1:01:46
SPEAKER_04: That's what he said.
1:01:46
SPEAKER_04: And I saw that at a marriage conference a month after we were, you know, the jig was out.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm I'm a cheater.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_04: And um I it just stuck with me, and I thought, oh my god, I have so many gaps.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_04: We had so many gaps, everything was getting through there, everything was getting through there, and I just said I'm not gonna let that happen again, ever again.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_04: So um, but I thought that was the lowest, but it wasn't because um Chloe had lost a baby in March of 2019, and she was uh stillborn.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna get into it a lot because again, that's her story, but it was the most traumatic thing I've ever been through.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_04: It was terrible to see her go through that and then to know that the baby wasn't gonna be, you know, anything.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_04: And um, she was in a terrible situation with her boyfriend.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_04: It was terrible, and I just thought, God, I remember writing in my journal that day.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_04: I thought, is this really how it has to be, God?
1:02:49
SPEAKER_04: Do you really have to take Melina because she's not she doesn't need to be with her dad anymore?
1:02:56
SPEAKER_04: Is this really how it has to be?
1:02:57
SPEAKER_04: That's really messed up.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_04: Why would you do that?
1:03:02
SPEAKER_04: I didn't even want to do that funeral.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_04: It was terrible.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_04: It was a terrible day.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_04: Everything about it was terrible.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_04: And I thought, I thought I'd already went through enough already, and then this.
1:03:13
SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, it we're she's we're still not through that.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_04: And then when um Michelle had Lakin, I didn't realize how like traumatic that was for me because it just like it just built up all this stuff, and I thought, I don't want my sister to go through that.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_04: I don't want her to lose her grandbaby and know what that feels like.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_04: That's terrible.
1:03:39
SPEAKER_04: It's a terrible feeling.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_04: And I mean that didn't happen.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_04: But um then the month after Lelina died, Kitty's dad fell down the stairs and he died too.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_04: And so I'm like reliving 2007 all over again.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_04: But we were so strong then, though.
1:04:00
SPEAKER_04: It was like uh inseparable, like my faith was so strong then, even though it was like questioning God, asking him why are why is all this happening?
1:04:10
SPEAKER_04: Why is death happening?
1:04:12
SPEAKER_04: Because we live in a fallen world, that's why death's happening.
1:04:15
SPEAKER_04: So I was just broken, but I was broken and it like broken better.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_04: I don't know how that is possible, but it wasn't broken bad like it was with dad and the like the the pit and the valley that we were in.
1:04:32
SPEAKER_04: But oh, those are my kids.
1:04:38
SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, these are that's MJ and um little Kenny.
1:04:44
SPEAKER_04: Kenny Isaiah, we call him Weenie.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_04: Um and is that it?
1:04:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's us.
1:04:54
SPEAKER_04: That's us doing us.
1:04:56
SPEAKER_04: We like to spend a lot of time together.
1:04:58
SPEAKER_04: And there's nobody I want to spend more time with.
1:05:01
SPEAKER_04: So I mean, we went full circle.