Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 211 - What makes you fly off the handle?

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 211 - What makes you fly off the handle? · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop Question of the
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  day. What makes you fly off the
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  handle? I'm not talking about specific
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  incidences that aggravate us and cause us to lose it.
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  I'm talking about why do we lose it to begin with?
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  What's the reason we can't keep our cool?
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  What's the reason that we all of a sudden find ourselves in
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  emotional turmoil and in a reactive state?
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  How do we get there? For most people, I and when that
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  subject comes up, they'll often say to me, I don't even
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  understand why I lost my cool. And when you start to explore
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  it, you know, obviously we're not talking about people who
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  have, you know, anger disorders and things like that.
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  We're just talking about common people losing their cool.
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  What's the reason? And for me, in the work that I
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  do, I hear so much of this and I get the privilege to dive in and
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  see, OK, what is what is the reason why is what is my general
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  observation. So just from the standpoint of
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  someone who does this all day, every day and listens to people
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  talk about it, I really do believe that the reason most of
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  us lose our cool is not because of one thing.
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  It's because of a stacking event.
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  It's because of everything. So stacking events are just
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  things that seem to keep building upon ourselves.
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  So we, we've often heard that phrase, it's the straw that
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  broke the camel's back. Well, you know, the straw is
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  only but how much does a straw weigh?
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  Next to nothing. But when there are bunches of
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  straws piled up, they become heavy.
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  It's just like a Bale of hay. You know, I, I haul bales of hay
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  and bales of straw out here all the time and they are heavy.
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  Individually, they weigh nothing.
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  But when they stack up on top of each other or they're put
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  together in a Bale, it's heavy. And that's exactly what happens
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  in our emotional world. So it's not the fact that the
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  dishes weren't put in the dishwasher or somebody ate the
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  last cookie. It's the fact that that's the
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  ten thousandth time it's happened and it's been discussed
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  and it keeps happening and we stack up things because we hang
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  on to things emotionally and when we hang on to things, they
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  become heavy. So if you're carrying around
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  that weight of what it has meant every time, not the specific
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  incidences, but what those specific incidences meant in
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  those moments. And we don't let go of them
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  readily because we don't let go of them readily.
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  They start to weigh on us over time and then we almost just
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  wait for the next event to happen.
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  I mean, come on, we've all done it.
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  We've all stand there and said, well, I know they're not going
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  to do this or I know they're not going to put their shoes away,
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  or I know they're going to be late.
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  One of my biggest pet peeves with one of my children is the
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  being late thing. And it drives me insane and I
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  have to let it go every time because I know it's going to
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  happen each and every time or I've got to get a better
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  strategy for dealing with it and changing it.
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  But the truth is, it's the stacking event.
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  So recognizing that is incredibly important into the
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  change of it because you can't change it unless you recognize
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  it. It's just like everything else
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  in the world. So once you start changing
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  something in your mind, you can actually change it externally.
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  So how do how do I personally shift stacking?
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  Let's go back to that late moment when I was talking about
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  one of my children in the Late Factor.
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  So for me, it's instead of anticipating and saying, okay, I
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  know this is going to happen, I'm going to get frustrated,
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  blah, blah, I just go, okay, I know that that's a potential.
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  I don't say it's going to happen.
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  I just say it's a potential. And So what are the potential
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  ways I can act to handle it? Well, quite honestly, I've just
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  learned over time that the most important thing I can do is just
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  tell her that it's an hour earlier.
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  I can just tell her it's an hour earlier and then it was supposed
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  to be. And then all of a sudden, boom,
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  it's different. It's an easy way to fix it.
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  When they're late, they're actually right on time.
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  And I, I get my needs met because I feel that the timing
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  is correct and there's no harm, no foul.
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  So some people might say, well, that's not being truthful and
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  they should be respectful. And yes, all that's very true.
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  But the reality is that's not how it works.
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  And that's not what happens. What ends up happening is I just
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  get frustrated. And there's so much of this that
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  you can learn from because I know I can fix it by doing
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  something simple. So the point is when you can
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  take control, you take control. If it's something that you can't
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  take control over externally, you can take control of how you
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  feel about it. So there are plenty of other
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  things in my world where it, it irritates me.
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  Like right now, my, my garden is irritating the heck out of me
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  because of the heat and because of the lack of rain.
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  It's all just going down quickly.
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  So I could get aggravated every time I walk by it, or I could
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  just focus on it, say OK, rather than stacking up every single
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  time I walk by it and just making it worse and worse.
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  I go, Nope, stop. This is where we are.
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  I'm letting it go. I'm letting it go.
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  I just keep telling myself I'm letting it go.
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  So just ask yourself that question, figure out what's the
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  best way for you out of it, and start the path because it's
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  work. It takes effort, but it can
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  happen. All right, my friends, I hope
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  you have a blessed day and I will see you tomorrow.
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  Bye.