Latest / You're Not Too Much / I recognized him instantly. (My Reality TV → Real Life Nightmare)

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I recognized him instantly. (My Reality TV → Real Life Nightmare) · You're Not Too Much

• 0:00
  Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at
• 0:02
  me, I just have a question. Cameras follow them around
• 0:06
  all the time and then act completely
• 0:09
  shocked when the people they meet are very
• 0:13
  clearly flexing for attention. We've been conditioned
• 0:16
  to believe that you take care of your needs yourself.
• 0:20
  All right, here we go. I'm gonna pretend I'm pushing record. Cause that feels right.
• 0:24
  Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop. Hi,
• 0:28
  everybody. I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different
• 0:31
  Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.
• 0:35
  That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And
• 0:39
  the reality is you're just different, and that's fine. In
• 0:42
  general, I do not watch reality shows, with the exception of a
• 0:46
  very, very select few. Very select. One of them is married at
• 0:50
  first sight.
• 0:56
  I'm about to literally marry somebody that I've in my life. I'm about to
• 0:59
  marry a complete stranger. We're going to
• 1:03
  be married at first sight. Thank you. I want
• 1:07
  this to be the ultimate love story. I do, I do, I do,
• 1:10
  I do. We literally just met him. But I'm sorry,
• 1:14
  Nicola Nelvis, there's something I need to tell you. I'm
• 1:18
  pregnant.
• 1:24
  I love the idea of the chaos
• 1:28
  of literally legally marrying a complete stranger.
• 1:32
  And also, if you understand, like, the success rates of
• 1:35
  arranged marriages and stuff like that, it's not that bonkers to do it.
• 1:39
  Like, it's bonkers to do it on television. That's nuts.
• 1:43
  But marrying a stranger, there's, like, lots of cultural
• 1:46
  precedent for that. And it works in a lot of places. And, like, it has
• 1:50
  the same kind of failure rates as marrying somebody that you very deliberately pick.
• 1:53
  And as somebody who very deliberately picked the person I'm married to who I
• 1:57
  mostly like a lot, like, there are drawbacks.
• 2:01
  Very clear drawbacks. I love married at first sight. And my husband and
• 2:04
  I actually started watching it together. He no longer watches it with me, but it
• 2:08
  was on, like, one of the home improvement networks when we were
• 2:11
  building the house that we have. And so we kind of, like, accidentally
• 2:15
  started watching it after whatever home improvement show that
• 2:19
  wanted to make us believe that anybody can pick up a hammer and build a
• 2:22
  detail wall, which is not true, by the way. Not true at all. And
• 2:26
  then it was, like, definitely hate watching. And then it was
• 2:30
  like, I kind of like the show. And he will swear that he did not
• 2:33
  like it, and he absolutely did, because he could tell you everything about all of
• 2:37
  these people. And anyway, I don't think he's watched it in 10 years. So every
• 2:40
  time a new season drops on Netflix, I'm like, I know what I'm going to
• 2:44
  screw around with. But there's another one that I also
• 2:48
  like that I am very deliberately not naming.
• 2:52
  I don't know that I like it more, but I definitely
• 2:56
  hate it more. I love watching it
• 3:00
  because it is the most
• 3:03
  egregious train wreck that I've ever seen.
• 3:07
  And the people on it
• 3:11
  very publicly sign up
• 3:16
  to have cameras follow them around all
• 3:19
  the time and then act completely
• 3:23
  shocked when the people they meet
• 3:27
  are very clearly flexing for attention.
• 3:30
  I feel about it a lot like I feel about Republicans. What do you mean?
• 3:34
  That tariffs were going to raise prices for everybody and make all of our
• 3:38
  lives invariably harder and be terrible for the economy? What do you mean that they
• 3:42
  did exactly what they said they were going to do? What? What?
• 3:45
  It's very much like that. Like, what do you mean? This person
• 3:49
  who was willing to expose their entire lives and get
• 3:53
  all sorts of wild stuff baited out of them by reality
• 3:57
  show producers who get paid to literally do that. What
• 4:01
  do you mean? They are this person who I didn't
• 4:05
  realize they were like. It's like, really, bro? Really? I
• 4:09
  can handle, like, one show at a time, and
• 4:12
  then I need a break, and I need to watch shows about murder, because those
• 4:16
  are less messy. And then I go back to another reality show, and
• 4:20
  I very rarely try new ones. I have attempted a
• 4:23
  handful and barely got through the first episode, so my tolerance for them
• 4:27
  pretty low. There is, I guess, two. I was gonna say one, but two
• 4:30
  that I. I pretty clearly know inside and out,
• 4:34
  and I can roll with the best of them as far as
• 4:38
  knowledge of these shows, which means that there are certain
• 4:42
  people who have been on these shows that I
• 4:47
  know of very well. Obviously, I
• 4:50
  don't know them, but I feel like I know them because I've seen them do
• 4:54
  Jackass shit in front of thousands and
• 4:58
  thousands, maybe millions of people, knowing that that's exactly what
• 5:01
  they're doing, or they knew that that's exactly what they're doing.
• 5:06
  Last Thursday was basically out of the office all day. I went to a funding
• 5:10
  event in Miami. I got to meet a bunch of really cool investors or
• 5:13
  potential investors. It was an experience that I thought I would hate and actually
• 5:17
  really ended up enjoying. Except for going alone. I would
• 5:21
  not do that alone. Again, not that it was, like,
• 5:25
  unsafe. There is a lot that has to be
• 5:28
  considered when you're about to go schmooze and shake hands with and meet
• 5:32
  a bunch of strangers who could potentially at some point give
• 5:35
  you their money. And I needed somebody
• 5:39
  with me to be like, no, you cross the street there.
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  Yes, we have to be on the train by this time. Because I was just
• 5:46
  fully distracted by the sheer amount that I needed
• 5:50
  to accomplish in that day. And the fact that I also had to handle the
• 5:54
  logistics of the day. Getting from one place to another,
• 5:58
  ordering the Uber, making sure I ate, finding
• 6:02
  a target because my shoes were not gonna work. And I also managed to find,
• 6:05
  like, the one target in the world that doesn't sell shoes. So that was a
• 6:09
  bust. I just decided. I was like, well, screw it. I'm just gonna keep these
• 6:12
  shoes. And that lasted for like, less than an hour. And
• 6:16
  I'm not joking when I say that as soon as I left the event,
• 6:20
  I threw the shoes out and put my sandals back on. And I was like,
• 6:23
  we're done here. Shoes are gone. And this is my fault because
• 6:26
  I remembered I have a pair of shoes that are incredibly comfortable, really cute,
• 6:30
  and really super high. And I will either wear no shoes
• 6:34
  or like five inch heels. There's no middle ground. Part of that is being short,
• 6:37
  and part of that's having very high arches. But I didn't think about this.
• 6:41
  I had them when I was up in New Hampshire. I wore them for an
• 6:44
  event in Boston. I was like, these are the shoes I'm gonna wear for the
• 6:46
  rest of my life. In my brain said, I will order a
• 6:49
  pair to have in Florida. Not. I don't know why I didn't just
• 6:53
  take out my phone and check and make sure they still existed. They don't sell
• 6:56
  them anymore. So I had to. This is very first world problems.
• 7:00
  I had to pick alternate shoes, and they hurt. Just know that I understand how
• 7:04
  this sounds coming out of my mouth, and it's also not the point. So I
• 7:07
  walk into this event, they have this really cool setup. It's in this, like, super
• 7:11
  trendy, like, industrial type space. We're in
• 7:14
  Miami. It's all those things. There weren't a ton of people
• 7:18
  there, but there were probably like 50 or 60 people there. It
• 7:22
  was pretty well attended. And me being me,
• 7:26
  if I'm going in and like, I know a person or I know
• 7:29
  who I want to talk to and why, I have no problem walking up
• 7:33
  to people, but a room full of people who I have no idea who they
• 7:36
  are and who are all kind of mingling, I was like, I'm gonna sit
• 7:40
  this one out and wait until the festivities start, and then I'll figure out what
• 7:43
  to do. So I found a table, and I did have a ton of emails
• 7:47
  to respond to. And it had been a very long day of travel, and I
• 7:50
  hadn't had a chance to get my computer out in several hours. And so I
• 7:53
  sat down and tried to get through some things on my email, and
• 7:57
  I hear somebody come over and say, does anybody mind if I sit here?
• 8:00
  And I didn't really look up. I just said, go for it, no problem.
• 8:04
  And he sits down a couple seats, like, maybe one seat away from me.
• 8:08
  And I'm looking at my phone and I hear him say, so, are you with
• 8:12
  one of the investment companies or are you a founder? And at that
• 8:16
  point, I looked up and said, oh, I'm a founder. And
• 8:20
  made eye contact with this person that I absolutely recognized.
• 8:24
  And I'm really bad with faces. So if I
• 8:28
  absolutely recognize you, you're seared in there
• 8:32
  deeply. You are taking up space in my brain rent from.
• 8:36
  And so I'm looking at this guy going, I know you from somewhere.
• 8:40
  But I. Not only do I know you from somewhere, I feel like I know
• 8:43
  you, but I'm certain I have never spoken to you before.
• 8:48
  So I look down at his name tag, and he has a very
• 8:51
  distinct name that I had only ever heard one place before,
• 8:56
  and it was my most favorite,
• 8:59
  slash, least favorite reality show. And then he
• 9:03
  explains to me that he's also a founder
• 9:07
  and that what he does for a living, which was like a whole through line
• 9:10
  in that show. I am the queen of
• 9:14
  keeping a straight face. I did not let on at all.
• 9:18
  But then I go through this, like, very
• 9:22
  deep mental dive of, oh, remember when you were a
• 9:25
  total asshole here? Do you remember when
• 9:29
  you said this to that person who didn't deserve
• 9:32
  it? Like, do you remember when you got kicked out of. And
• 9:36
  I'm like, oh, I know all this guy's dirty laundry. This is. This is impressive.
• 9:39
  And also, he's one of those people, he probably deserves credit
• 9:43
  for maybe being manipulated by producers or
• 9:47
  having the drama played up for the show. I get that.
• 9:50
  But also, there's like, tons of stories of shit he's done while the cameras
• 9:54
  aren't on. And so it's like, you might actually be that big of an
• 9:57
  asshole. So anyway, I had to hold a straight face
• 10:01
  and feign like I was interested in his startup while my
• 10:04
  brain was on fire about the fact
• 10:08
  that he fucked over somebody that I stand for
• 10:13
  and somebody who I also have never met. To be clear, it's not like
• 10:17
  this is a person I know also. She is a Person from the same
• 10:21
  show. And I'm like, looking around, it is
• 10:25
  the most bizarre series of events. And I'm like, is this really
• 10:28
  happening? And there's also the other part of me that was like, does nobody else
• 10:31
  know who this guy is? Like, why is everybody standing around
• 10:35
  like, this is normal? This person? Am I the only person
• 10:39
  who watches trash television here? Are all of you above it? Because
• 10:43
  I know startup people and I cannot imagine that
• 10:46
  all of you are above it. Please someone speak up, because
• 10:50
  I don't understand what's happening here. So anyway, I kept
• 10:54
  a straight face and I actually texted my nanny and was like,
• 10:58
  I have a very important thing you need to ask me. And
• 11:01
  then she called me and she was like, what? And I was like, thank you.
• 11:04
  And we talked about mailings that she was working on, which we did actually need
• 11:08
  to talk about. But I just, like, needed to get away from the situation. And
• 11:12
  there was literally nobody to save me because I was by myself at this event.
• 11:16
  But that is the story of how I went to an
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  event. First, I went to an event. You are allowed to sit
• 11:23
  and stare with shock and awe because that is unheard of. I went
• 11:27
  to an event. I ended up talking to my most hated
• 11:30
  reality show person ever. Most hated. I have
• 11:34
  so much to say about this dude. And I have said all of has
• 11:38
  not. Like, I have not been shy about it. I don't know why this
• 11:42
  takes up so much space in my brain. This is what. This is literally the
• 11:45
  only person in that entire room that I had an opinion on
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  and I had no idea until he was standing in front of me and I
• 11:52
  was like, I have so many things to say about you. But I didn't kept
• 11:56
  my mouth shut. And I was polite and he was actually very polite.
• 12:00
  And we talked about one of my dogs. And then I got
• 12:04
  rescued by our nanny because she is a delight and saves my butt all the
• 12:08
  time, apparently also when I am 200 miles away from her and I wore shoes
• 12:12
  that were really uncomfortable and then I threw them out. The end.
• 12:17
  And now we're going to hear from some of our listeners with their weekly brags.
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  Love the Braggs idea. My name is Ron R.
• 12:26
  I'm just excited for 2026. Kind of been a
• 12:30
  rough year. So this is just setting up
• 12:34
  to be awesome and so it shall.
• 12:39
  Thank you again. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.
• 12:45
  This is a question for, I don't know, maybe the sleep scientists of the world.
• 12:49
  Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at
• 12:52
  me, I just Have a question. Am I supposed to be able
• 12:56
  to drink a Venti size? Now,
• 13:00
  mind you, venti means 20 so large.
• 13:03
  A 20 ounce size coffee
• 13:07
  right before bed and then fall asleep without a
• 13:11
  problem. Is that supposed to happen? Because
• 13:15
  my understanding is that is supposed to keep me up all night.
• 13:19
  But last night, I don't know why, because my husband usually
• 13:22
  doesn't do this. He ran out with the kids, came back, brought me a
• 13:26
  coffee. It was at like 9 o' clock at night. It was delicious,
• 13:30
  by the way. I drank the whole thing.
• 13:34
  Then kind of thought to myself, like, maybe I shouldn't have done that at 9
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  o' clock at night. Even though I don't usually pay any attention to how much
• 13:40
  caffeine is in what I drink. I was like, it'll be interesting. Am I gonna
• 13:43
  end up staying up all night, went to bed, I don't know, hour or
• 13:47
  two later, out like a light, no, nothing. In
• 13:51
  fact, almost fell asleep fast enough that I forgot to put on
• 13:54
  Idris Elba and then remembered at the last minute and put
• 13:58
  him where he belongs and then fell asleep and slept the whole night. I'm just
• 14:02
  sending this out there into the universe. I feel like maybe,
• 14:06
  maybe I might be averse to stimulants. And in case that is
• 14:09
  not diagnostic in and of itself, let me
• 14:13
  know, because it was literally 20 ounces of straight
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  caffeine and I was not even,
• 14:21
  not even phased, just time for sleepy sleeps
• 14:25
  and went to bed.
• 14:31
  And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's
• 14:35
  small talk. When people say, just communicate better,
• 14:39
  I honestly don't know what they mean. I feel like I'm always
• 14:42
  translating myself for other people and it never quite lands.
• 14:46
  How do you explain your needs without feeling like you're being difficult or high
• 14:50
  maintenance? Okay, so I know the question that you want answered, but I don't think
• 14:53
  that's the question that I can answer based on the way you asked it, which
• 14:56
  is not a criticism of you by any means. But why?
• 15:01
  Why? What about you discussing
• 15:05
  your needs makes you difficult or high maintenance? And why would you think that?
• 15:09
  Because that's really the issue. If you aren't trying to package up your
• 15:13
  needs in a way that you feel is palatable to other people, then we wouldn't
• 15:16
  have an issue here. The problem is that you've been told that
• 15:20
  communicating your needs has to be done in a very specific way
• 15:23
  so that other people will fulfill them. And that isn't
• 15:27
  the reality. These aren't wants, these are needs. This is
• 15:31
  not you saying I would really like to have a coffee. This is you saying,
• 15:34
  I really need information delivered like this or else I can't
• 15:38
  process it. Does that mean you should be an asshole about it?
• 15:42
  No. There are ways to communicate
• 15:45
  exactly the way you have to or the way it comes out of your brain
• 15:49
  without making other people feel bad, without
• 15:53
  attacking them, without addressing them in ways that makes them
• 15:56
  uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean that by being
• 16:00
  direct about your needs or by, you know, addressing them
• 16:04
  as non negotiables, you are somehow being difficult. But
• 16:07
  that's what we've been conditioned to believe. And if you're asking out loud for them
• 16:11
  that you're somehow doing something wrong, that you're burdening other people, that
• 16:14
  you are too much for them, that they're going to get tired of you, et
• 16:17
  cetera, that premise is bullshit. Does it happen? Sure,
• 16:21
  if it happens. Those aren't your people. If it
• 16:25
  happens, fuck those people. They are not the ones that
• 16:29
  you're supposed to be communicating your needs to. And so
• 16:33
  the question is not how do I communicate my needs in a way that makes
• 16:36
  me likable or not difficult.
• 16:40
  The question is, why does communicating my needs make me feel unlikable
• 16:44
  or like I'm difficult? And that's a function of conditioning.
• 16:48
  You have been told, whether implicitly or
• 16:52
  otherwise, that having needs is inherently a problem
• 16:56
  and that having needs and communicating them is going to make people like
• 17:00
  you less. And it happens a lot in workplaces.
• 17:03
  It happens a ton in workplaces where, you know, speaking out
• 17:07
  about the way you need something done, speaking up about having things modified
• 17:11
  to meet your needs, or about the way that things are being done, that is
• 17:14
  not the most efficient or appropriate way to do things. Makes you difficult because
• 17:18
  you're not just going with the flow. But like
• 17:22
  lots of people try to go with the flow and then drown. So you're
• 17:25
  not being difficult, you're communicating your needs. You can preface
• 17:29
  it with I need to tell you what I need in this situation,
• 17:33
  ask me questions. If it's not coming across the way that you
• 17:37
  understand it, and I will very happily explain, but it
• 17:41
  doesn't have to be about how do I temper the way that I communicate
• 17:45
  with people so they're more likely to fulfill my needs. Again, you're not asking for
• 17:48
  coffee, you're not asking somebody to take you out for ice cream. You're saying this
• 17:51
  is a thing I need to exist in this environment. It's a non
• 17:54
  negotiable. And you don't have to make that palatable
• 17:58
  for other people to have it delivered. Thanks for being here, guys.
• 18:02
  Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.
• 18:09
  So anyway, as soon as that came out of my mouth, I
• 18:13
  get a text on my phone because I forget Vanessa sits, like, right on
• 18:17
  the outside of that door, and it says, yes for the neurodivergent
• 18:21
  brain.