Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / Dealing with Negative Family Members
Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
- 0:03Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
- 0:10Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft a life they truly, truly desire.
- 0:22Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
- 0:32Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
- 0:43Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
- 0:55Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
- 1:02Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
- 1:10Speaker 1: Oh, hello, hello.
- 1:17Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Cash Confident with me.
- 1:21Speaker 1: Brienne Sedano, and that is my whole name, and I was just thinking that maybe I'm going to start to say my whole name.
- 1:29Speaker 1: If you guys didn't know, my name is Brienne.
- 1:31Speaker 1: I usually go by Bri.
- 1:32Speaker 1: But anyways, I feel like maybe I just putting it out there, we'll see how it goes.
- 1:36Speaker 1: I'm going to play with it, we're going to feel into it, all right.
- 1:39Speaker 1: So today we will be working on dealing with negative family members.
- 1:44Speaker 1: This is a topic that comes up every time I work with somebody who's really growing and expanding in her wealth creation, in her money mindset, you know, and really just in all of the growth and evolution.
- 1:58Speaker 1: Many, many, many of us will come and have an encounter with some family members who are just a little negative about it, just a little bitty, just a little condescending or, like I don't know, even sometimes rude.
- 2:15Speaker 1: They're cruel with their words about our goals and you know our goals and our objectives, you know our shifts.
- 2:21Speaker 1: So I have a few things that we can talk about to start to deal with that and start to really just and start to really just move through it.
- 2:33Speaker 1: So we will start with.
- 2:35Speaker 1: First thing is, when you start to do this work, you're shifting the way that you're thinking and that really helps you to shift the way that you're feeling.
- 2:44Speaker 1: So, as you are starting to feel better, you're starting to show up a little different right, and so people are going to notice that.
- 2:54Speaker 1: They're just going to notice that, and you will start to get different responses from people as you show up.
- 3:01Speaker 1: Different right, like if I showed up to your house and you know dirty sweatpants, with dirty hair and like, really like sunken shoulders, you're going to, you're going to see me differently and meet me differently than if I show up looking hot, makeup done, hair, perfect, right Like and it's not to say one or one's better, but one definitely calls for like a hey, are you okay, do you need me to make you a sandwich or a cup of tea?
- 3:30Speaker 1: And the other one's like oh girl, let's go get it Right.
- 3:33Speaker 1: So when you show up, different people are going to start to notice that.
- 3:37Speaker 1: So you just want to one, be willing to get the feedback from that, and so I would really encourage you to really feel into the way that you want to feel.
- 3:52Speaker 1: So start to notice all right.
- 3:52Speaker 1: Well, what does abundance feel like?
- 3:55Speaker 1: And I'm going to be going to a place, so let's just you know where.
- 4:00Speaker 1: Maybe abundance isn't super accepted.
- 4:02Speaker 1: Maybe abundance in my family is something that we make fun of.
- 4:06Speaker 1: Maybe we make fun of rich people, or we don't like wealthy people or we don't like business owners, or you know, or we think that.
- 4:13Speaker 1: You know, maybe my family thinks that a W2 job is the best, but I have my own business, you know, and I'm breaking some agreements here.
- 4:20Speaker 1: I'm breaking some maybe unconscious agreements I've had, or at least some family agreements that maybe I didn't even agree to, right.
- 4:27Speaker 1: And so I would encourage you to start to just feel into how you want to feel and just imagine how you want to conduct yourself, and I will teach you the tiniest little energetic practice.
- 4:38Speaker 1: It's a little tiny visualization that you can do with this and it works.
- 4:43Speaker 1: It works if you do it.
- 4:45Speaker 1: It does take a little practice, but it's a thing that you can do.
- 4:48Speaker 1: So, as you start to feel into yourself and you get your vibe the way that you want it, you want to be, you know you're feeling into your abundance, you're feeling into your bad assery, you're feeling into you know you're you being proud of yourself or you making these shifts or whatever.
- 5:02Speaker 1: You could just wrap yourself.
- 5:03Speaker 1: You could just imagine a little, a little bubble forming around you, just a little energetic protection, a little energetic bubble that's going to keep your energy in and it's going to keep other people's energy out and really does that mean what?
- 5:16Speaker 1: What I find when I do this practice and listen, there, everybody's energy work is a little bit different.
- 5:22Speaker 1: So that's my way is not the only way and it's not the right way.
- 5:26Speaker 1: However, it works for you, is how it works for you.
- 5:27Speaker 1: But I find that I can notice other people's situations.
- 5:33Speaker 1: I can notice these things, but it just I just don't feel it the same way.
- 5:36Speaker 1: Like I'm aware of it.
- 5:37Speaker 1: There's an awareness there.
- 5:38Speaker 1: When I'm in my bubble and somebody else is having a really different experience, I can notice that they're having a really different experience.
- 5:45Speaker 1: I just am not taking that on.
- 5:47Speaker 1: So that little energetic bubble is like a little practice that you can, that you can play with.
- 5:51Speaker 1: But I would you want to practice being steady in your vibe, because the thing about I'm going to call it vibes, but it's like personality traits and the strongest, the strongest vibe in a room wins, and so people will be calibrating and they'll be adjusting to that Right.
- 6:11Speaker 1: So there are some like frequencies that are contagious, like anxiety, scarcity, things like that.
- 6:17Speaker 1: Like it's like if somebody in a room is really having a lot of anxiety, everybody else's body is going to pick up on that, and part of that is because where there are some frequencies that are like survival frequencies, and scarcity and anxiety are both like, those are both survival frequencies.
- 6:34Speaker 1: But also you can imagine this the same way where it's like if there was one little kid in a room who's so full of joy and excitement even if, even if you were at a place where joy and excitement wasn't the best situation or the frequency of going on, I guess it would probably be the best but it's like people are going to look at that little kid and they're going to smile because that frequency is so clean and clear, right?
- 6:58Speaker 1: So if you're going into scarcity with your abundance, you could just work on holding your abundance, just being steady with your frequency, just not taking it on and just just being like, oh, other people are in scarcity and that's it, and just be aware of it.
- 7:15Speaker 1: There's nothing really to do Now.
- 7:18Speaker 1: The next thing that you can do is don't engage with it more than necessary.
- 7:23Speaker 1: So if you have a parent or a relative that's going to really pick at you and ask you things, to make fun of you or degrade you in some way, just don't engage with it.
- 7:36Speaker 1: Don't engage with it more than you need to.
- 7:38Speaker 1: And then you can also take on, like I like, a sentence of like wow, that's an interesting point of view.
- 7:44Speaker 1: And then I would also just wrap it so, if somebody is like rich people are the worst and something, something, and they're ruining the economy for the rest of us, and you're like wow, that's an interesting point of view, and you don't have to.
- 7:57Speaker 1: You don't have to engage with it.
- 7:59Speaker 1: You can just acknowledge that somebody said something, that's, that's whatever.
- 8:03Speaker 1: And I would highly, highly, highly encourage you To not try to convince anybody to see things the way that you see it.
- 8:11Speaker 1: Money mindset is something that people have to really come to on their own and have to really be willing and have to do some work.
- 8:17Speaker 1: You're not gonna change anybody's money mindset by just Disagreeing with them at the at the dinner table.
- 8:25Speaker 1: You're just not.
- 8:25Speaker 1: It's not how it goes.
- 8:27Speaker 1: So I would just be aware of that, where, if somebody's really like in scarcity or doing whatever, just know that you can be your abundant self while somebody else is experiencing scarcity and you could do your best to not engage with it.
- 8:43Speaker 1: You know and you don't.
- 8:46Speaker 1: You can be compassionate and you could be.
- 8:48Speaker 1: You can be kind to them and you can acknowledge where they're at.
- 8:50Speaker 1: But also, you don't have to get into that frequency with them, you just don't.
- 8:55Speaker 1: So I Would learn how to, how to not Not engage with it, as really is, because it does take a little bit of a skill to like not be rude and not tell people to fuck off, and you could just be like, all right, I said that's, that's one way to look at it, you know, or that's an interesting point of view, or oh, that's that's an interesting opinion, or oh, you know, thanks for sharing your opinion on that, but not asking any questions and certainly not arguing, because if you're arguing, you're basically trying to get somebody else to see see things your way, and it doesn't work.
- 9:32Speaker 1: It doesn't work unless they want to see things different.
- 9:36Speaker 1: So I would just save your energy.
- 9:38Speaker 1: Just save your energy for that, all right.
- 9:41Speaker 1: Then the next thing that you can employ is really just a level of compassion and understanding for where people are.
- 9:49Speaker 1: So the money journey is a long journey.
- 9:51Speaker 1: Right when I think back to where my money journey started, I was making $32,000 a year working at a local boys and girls club, not having enough money to do all of the things like I, I, you know, I guess I, I guess I had enough money to meet all of my basic necessities, but not.
- 10:11Speaker 1: Not enough money to make a mistake.
- 10:13Speaker 1: Not enough money to travel, not enough money to Maintain things.
- 10:17Speaker 1: You know, I made enough money to pay my bills and eat food, okay, and Money was definitely a limiting factor.
- 10:26Speaker 1: It really was.
- 10:27Speaker 1: And now, when I think about the way that I think of money, I wouldn't see limitations the same way.
- 10:32Speaker 1: But when I started this journey more than 10 years ago, those limitations were really, really real for me.
- 10:38Speaker 1: And Even as I started to do the mindset work and I started to shift the mindset work, I had a lot of trouble believing things that could be different, because my reality was what it was and that was really where I Was at.
- 10:51Speaker 1: And so, as you start to shift your mindset and you start to see things differently, you could just bring in some compassion, understanding for the limitations that other people do see.
- 11:02Speaker 1: Maybe you don't see those limitations and you know you can see solutions to their problems, but they can't see it yet.
- 11:07Speaker 1: That's okay, and you could just have some compassion and some understanding, even if they throw a sharp word your way or say something condescending like how's your little business doing, even though your little business is actually really successful and you're making six figures or whatever it is.
- 11:28Speaker 1: You could just be understanding that Maybe there's some envy there, maybe there's some jealousy there, maybe there's some resentment for the desires that they never let themselves have.
- 11:38Speaker 1: None of that is yours to clean up, none of that's yours to deal with, none of that's yours to process.
- 11:44Speaker 1: But you can at least come into that situation with a little compassion, a little understanding, a little softness.
- 11:49Speaker 1: There's a little like oh, I see they're having a time with this.
- 11:55Speaker 1: Really, if it's sharp or cruel or unkind, I would not engage with it.
- 12:03Speaker 1: I would just not engage with it.
- 12:04Speaker 1: Change the subject.
- 12:06Speaker 1: Obviously you're there with these people, so I'm imagining there's some sense of love and camaraderie and whatever.
- 12:12Speaker 1: All right.
- 12:16Speaker 1: The next thing I want to say is a little bit more controversial, because oftentimes people will show us with their words fears that are still alive within us or judgments that are still alive within us.
- 12:32Speaker 1: Let's just say, if I have a judgment about myself and somebody else judges me for that thing, that is going to hurt my feelings.
- 12:44Speaker 1: If I have a judgment within myself that says let's just say being rich is wrong and it's better to be poor, it's pious or noble to be poor, and that being rich is greedy and wrong.
- 12:54Speaker 1: Let's just say that's a judgment that I have.
- 12:57Speaker 1: Let's say I'm doing my work in the world and I'm becoming more and more wealthy and whatever, but I still don't really feel super great about it.
- 13:07Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel a little guilty for the amount of money that I make, or feel a little embarrassed for how much better my life gets to be than other people's, or feel a little sticky around how easy things are for me.
- 13:19Speaker 1: This is common and people have a lot of shame around success.
- 13:23Speaker 1: It doesn't seem so, but it's there, it's true.
- 13:25Speaker 1: Then I go, I'm there at the holiday table and somebody makes a joke that now I'm rich and that hurts my feelings, it's because I have that judgment and they're judging me, and then that's real loud because it hurts, and then it hurts my feelings.
- 13:47Speaker 1: What I could do with that is I could become aware that I have that judgment within me and I could start to decide to clean that up.
- 14:01Speaker 1: If somebody judges you for something, you don't have a judgment amount and you're like okay, it's just a weird thing, it's like a non-thing.
- 14:11Speaker 1: This is a weird example, but just bear with me.
- 14:16Speaker 1: I am married to a man.
- 14:17Speaker 1: If somebody was like you're just a weird lesbian, I'd be like, okay, that's weird because it's not a judgment that would land for me, because it's not a judgment I have or it's not a judgment that's there about me.
- 14:34Speaker 1: I would just be like, oh, that's weird.
- 14:39Speaker 1: Years ago, if you had said to me well, now you're different because you're rich and you're making a lot of money, so everything about you is different, or something like that, that probably would have hurt my feelings because I definitely had a lot of judgments around money and I had a lot of judgments about how wealth changed people and whatever.
- 14:55Speaker 1: And now I've taken those judgments down.
- 14:58Speaker 1: I've done a lot of work on myself.
- 14:59Speaker 1: So if you were to say that exact same sentence to me, I'd be like, yeah, I guess it's way better now than it used to be Carrying on, it wouldn't hurt my feelings.
- 15:11Speaker 1: So if other people's judgments really activate something for you and you really have a strong feeling, I would go home and I would journal on it and I would figure out where my judgments are, that this hurts my feelings.
- 15:24Speaker 1: You know what I mean, like I would start to figure it out for myself.
- 15:30Speaker 1: And the last thing I'll say about this is that sometimes two people will will speak of fear to us that we that was still unconscious, so that's another thing that comes up.
- 15:39Speaker 1: So sometimes people will say things like oh, I'm starting this business and my mom was just telling me how she's afraid I'm not gonna have health insurance and da, da, da, da, da, and she's afraid about this and for me.
- 15:50Speaker 1: And a lot of times that same person has those same fears, and sometimes they're not even fears that are conscious.
- 15:58Speaker 1: Health insurance is when people tend to be pretty conscious of, but sometimes people have fears that they're not even aware of in their conscious mind.
- 16:04Speaker 1: Their body's aware of it, their subconscious mind is aware of it, but their conscious mind is just not there yet.
- 16:09Speaker 1: So sometimes people will speak our fears to us so that way we can hear them and then we can address them.
- 16:17Speaker 1: And so I like that perspective because it puts it puts a me back in the the driver's seat of how I'm experiencing these words right, so if I just go to my family's house and I get some sharp words or some judgment, I'm gonna feel ridiculed, I'm gonna feel bad, I'm gonna not want to go back, I'm gonna not want to talk to them anymore, whatever.
- 16:39Speaker 1: But if I kind of look at it from one, a sense of compassion for where they're at and two, that they're really giving me the gift of very valuable information by pinging these belief structures with their words, right, then then I end up coming away from that experience with information that's gonna help me go further on my journey.
- 17:02Speaker 1: Whether or not they meant the help is irrelevant, because they did right.
- 17:07Speaker 1: So judgments, your judgments, are basically invisible in your mind.
- 17:12Speaker 1: They're hard to find.
- 17:14Speaker 1: People work with me and pay me a lot of money to help them find judgments, because the judgments are just how we operate.
- 17:20Speaker 1: They're just the things that we think are right or wrong, or safe or dangerous.
- 17:23Speaker 1: They don't.
- 17:24Speaker 1: They're how we operate, but they're very much in the subconscious.
- 17:28Speaker 1: They're really not in the conscious mind.
- 17:30Speaker 1: So your judgments you have to really look very hard for, and so if one of your family members could just, you know, just be bothering you with their words, you can probably figure out your judgments and then take that to your journal and start to examine those judgments and see if they're judgments that you actually still want to have, if they're judgments that are still serving you, and the same thing with fears and the same thing with other beliefs, right, and I will say, I'm probably another thing too, as I think too, when we're growing and expanding and we're doing that in front of our family, we can look at it like there's really a couple of ways to look at it.
- 18:08Speaker 1: But one of the ways that we can look at it is like they're not going to like me anymore.
- 18:11Speaker 1: I'm going to be different.
- 18:12Speaker 1: That's like you know.
- 18:15Speaker 1: I'm going to do so much better than my parents have done, and maybe people are going to be jealous or envious or whatever else.
- 18:21Speaker 1: That's one way to look at it and there's an element of truth to that, like I don't want to deny that there's some truth to that.
- 18:27Speaker 1: But the other way to look at it is like I am going to be an up close role model.
- 18:34Speaker 1: I'm going to be the evidence to my nieces and nephews, you know, I'm going to be the evidence that people from our family get to do these kinds of things.
- 18:44Speaker 1: I'm going to be the evidence.
- 18:45Speaker 1: I'm going to be the thing that sparks the desire for somebody else, or that they think, well, if that lady could do it and I know that she's like, I know her and she's just a regular ass human Then maybe I could do it too.
- 18:58Speaker 1: Right, and so maybe you know, and everybody's family is different, and so maybe you know, you feel a certain level of exclusion, or maybe you get to be like the pathfinder for your family, the wayfinder, the person who who gets, gets to make things started and your family gets to be like well, I know Brienne, and she is just a lady who eats peanut butter with no pants on straight from the jar, and if she can make this kind of money, then maybe I can make that kind of money too.
- 19:27Speaker 1: Or hey, she made up her whole business idea and we all thought it was ridiculous.
- 19:33Speaker 1: And I hear she is making a crap ton of money and getting paid to travel all over the world living her best life.
- 19:41Speaker 1: Maybe I will do something different too.
- 19:46Speaker 1: So those are some of the things that we can work out.
- 19:51Speaker 1: So just to recap so you want to steady your vibe, you want to throw up like your little energetic protection bubble, you want to not engage with unnecessary conversation that's going to bother you or that's where you're trying to bring somebody else to see things your way.
- 20:05Speaker 1: You just want to not engage with that.
- 20:08Speaker 1: Engage with the smallest amount that you can.
- 20:10Speaker 1: You want to have compassion and understanding for where people are at or their limitations that they're having.
- 20:15Speaker 1: If they ask for your help, you can offer it.
- 20:19Speaker 1: But it's personal growth, many mindset.
- 20:22Speaker 1: These are not the kinds of things that are well received when they're just jammed down somebody's throat.
- 20:27Speaker 1: So just mind your own manners as far as that goes.
- 20:30Speaker 1: Then the last thing is grab a little notebook, throw it in your purse and write down the times that you felt really annoyed or you felt really judged or you felt your fear activated or you felt some way.
- 20:44Speaker 1: Then you can be with that on your own and use your family's whatever it is that their nonsense is your next step.
- 20:55Speaker 1: So those are some things that you can do when dealing with negative family members.
- 21:00Speaker 1: Then I'm going to say one more thing and then I think we'll wrap up Then.
- 21:07Speaker 1: Lastly, if it's your family, it's your family.
- 21:09Speaker 1: We don't get to pick them.
- 21:10Speaker 1: There's just the people that we're here with, but also if it's our friends or whatever else, sometimes when we're on a journey of personal development and growth, we need to also make new friends.
- 21:25Speaker 1: That doesn't necessarily mean that we have to get rid of our old friends.
- 21:29Speaker 1: It doesn't necessarily mean that we have to erase any people that with negative ideas out of our life, but we have to start to balance out where we spend our time.
- 21:39Speaker 1: This is more about friends, because family is just what it is.
- 21:44Speaker 1: But if there's family that you just don't want to talk to that much, well then okay.
- 21:49Speaker 1: Well then, just don't talk to them that much, I guess.
- 21:52Speaker 1: But you're going to also need other relationships.
- 21:54Speaker 1: So as you go on your journey, make sure that you're making friends and you're spending time with people who are where you are on a journey or are ahead of you on a journey, and then that way sometimes you'll be ahead of somebody else on a journey.
- 22:09Speaker 1: You'll be the person that they're friends with that way.
- 22:12Speaker 1: But as you grow and expand sometimes certain relationships, they become less connective as we grow and expand.
- 22:22Speaker 1: We don't need them the same way.
- 22:24Speaker 1: They don't nourish us the same way.
- 22:25Speaker 1: We can't nourish them the same way If you have a friend that you want to that you used to complain with, they used to call on the phone and talk about how crappy your money or your boyfriend or whatever is, and all of a sudden you got money in the bank and you're finding way better, way better boyfriends.
- 22:42Speaker 1: You may not want to have the same conversations with that person because it's not fun to complain anymore, and maybe she was a friend that you were complaining with for a few years and now you don't want to complain anymore and you may need to make new friends to talk about how good things are with Right.
- 22:55Speaker 1: So I guess I'll just leave you with that too.
- 22:59Speaker 1: Sometimes we just need to evaluate who we're spending our time with and who we're giving our attention to.
- 23:04Speaker 1: And it's not like we it's really not like we have to throw anybody away or throw our relationships out or things like that, but it's like well, maybe I spend some time with my old friends or I spend some time with certain family members, and then I spend the rest of my time with people who are more on my same page.
- 23:22Speaker 1: And that's the thing that like as we grow and we expand.
- 23:31Speaker 1: And it's not.
- 23:31Speaker 1: It's like our personal development, our money, mindset, all of it, it's the truth that you are going to outgrow some people.
- 23:40Speaker 1: You know you just are, and that's not necessarily bad.
- 23:47Speaker 1: It's not necessarily wrong and it's not necessarily like you have to cut them out of your life, but you're also going to need some people to talk to who are more on your same page, right?
- 23:55Speaker 1: So that's another thing that you can, that you can do for yourself in that area, All right.
- 24:00Speaker 1: So I hope this was really helpful.
- 24:03Speaker 1: I hope you have one energetic practice and a few new ideas to like go to the holiday tables with.
- 24:09Speaker 1: You know, if anybody in your family is feeling negative towards you know, feeling negative towards your success or whatever, or even if their crappy money mindset is just really allowed to you because you've been working on yours, you know it's honestly, it's part of the journey.
- 24:29Speaker 1: Everybody I know that's done any level of personal growth has had to bump up against this.
- 24:34Speaker 1: So those are some of the techniques to just kind of move through that and work through that.
- 24:38Speaker 1: So I hope that was helpful for you.
- 24:39Speaker 1: I love you, I appreciate you.
- 24:41Speaker 1: I wish you the most happy, most glorious holiday season and, you know, as we start to conclude 2023, I wish you all of the happiness and success for 2024.
- 24:55Speaker 1: All right, I will talk to you next week.
- 24:58Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
- 25:05Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
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