Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Senseless Survey: What steps have you taken to show your cat that you're the boss?

Transcript

Senseless Survey: What steps have you taken to show your cat that you're the boss? · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Here we go, There we go. Here is another senseless
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: survey from Darren Wackhead Simpson on KFM Mornings KFM Mornings,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Oi Oi Oh. I thought i'd bring Australia got some
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: airtime available before it rolls over time and money to
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: do nonsense, because these calls aren't cheap. No, they're not
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: not at all. Okay, So how many very important questions
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: will I ask this morning on the senseless survey? I'm
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: gonna go with six questions, patience. I don't think they
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: have time for your South African humor. I don't think. No,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: the Aussies are a luck. They're a luck. They're up
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: for sports. Very important questions you're asking you, very very
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: important to international relationship. Absolutely right, we need to bridge
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: the gap between South Africa and Australia. Of course, eleven questions,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: eleven very good guests, remiss, ten questions, ten okay, produce
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: sixteen very important, sixteen very an even better guess sixteen
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: he's not correct, but he's absolutely the closest. Okay. Interesting.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: All right, let's call Australia. I'm calling you from the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Australian Census Bureau. There were just a couple questions that
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: weren't filled out on this census form. I just want
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: to go through them now with you. There's only five,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: so it'll only take a second. Okay. May I have
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: your gender? Please? Free? Now? Okay? If the hair in
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: your shower drain was worth five dollars a kage, how
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: soon could you retire? Okay? What's the best place in
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: your house to hide a six foot corpse? There's a
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: ridiculous question. I don't think the six foot corpse is
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: much fun at all. Okay, what steps have you taken
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: to show your cat that you are the boss of
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: the house. I haven't got a cat. You haven't got
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: a cat. Have you ever been able to eat just
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: one pringle? Never? No? Would you support a law that
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: every person who got divorced had to return all their
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: wedding gifts? No? I would not. How many times have
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: you been naked on the internet this week? I think
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: this has gone on long enough. No, I just got
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: two more, ma'am, I've just got too much. Do you
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: ever take your husband to the planetarium just to reaffirm
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: your point that he is not the center of the universe? No? No,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I do not. Okay, And approximately how many Danny DeVito's tall.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Are you one and a half? One and a half?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Which is your favorite euphemism for throwing up? Is it
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: losing your lunch or shouting gross? Is neither? The value
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: of pie is three point one four. Are you curious
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: to find out the value of cake? No? Not at all.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Did you have a lot of chemistry with your high
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: school science teacher? No? I did not. Who has better
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: be the last one? I've got one more, man, one
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: last one. Okay, who would you like to see hit
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: with heavy mining equipment? What? No? One? That was the
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: last question? And you've run out. Do you think that
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: free range washrooms are worth the added cost? I grow
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: my own anyway. Now that's the last one. That's it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Have you ever used the photocopy machine for anything besides
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: your butt? No? You run out? You are state how
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: many was there? That was fifteen questions? That was fifteen
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: quish since yeah a patient? Yeah? That call costs three
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: hundred and seventy nine rands. And the way that she
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: was like, okay, this is the last. It was never
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: the last. It's never the lost, it's never the lock.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: There's always one more. It's like eating chuckles. There's always
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: room for one more always or pringles dringles? Yeah, exactly, exactly.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Do you know when you know you've had enough pringles
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: is when your hand can't fit down the tube and
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: then your long fingers have scratched around. If you have
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: to turn the pringle tube upside down, you've gone too deep.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: So that's my measure. Your fingers can just pluck them
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: out one by one. So you're saying the pringle design
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: is to protect us by ourselves. If your hands are
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: too fat to get into the tube, you shouldn't be
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: eating it. Fat hands. It's genetic. That's when you go
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: on the child can't get the angels my strong hands.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Now you must do the pringle test. The other important
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: thing the question there that needs addressing is wedding gifts.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I think this is a fair statement to say that
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: if you get married and within two years you get divorced,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: you have to return the gifts. That's not part of
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: the teas and C make that a law South Africa.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Why are you wasting? You sound really sour. Is there
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: a specific gift you want back? Derek used neutri bullet.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah I will, I will sell it on Facebook marketplace.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: But you wasted my money and my time. Two years,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: two years? What are what are the rules for a
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: second marriage or third? No gifts on a second hey,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: fool me once, terrible rules. Once he's actually came on
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: you because he didn't give me a gift. Fool me,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: didn't I give you a gift? No? So you do
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: now you know why it was your second You see,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: that's why. Yeah, I am so glad you are not
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: running anything. I run the National Importance, I run the
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Ethics Committee.