Latest / The Shift Podcast / 43. Imposter Syndrome

Transcript

43. Imposter Syndrome · The Shift Podcast

0:00
Welcome to Frontline. Static A podcast that helps
0:03
bridge the gap between healthcare workers and 1st
0:05
responders and everything in between.
0:10
Back you guys and the school year has just started yesterday.
0:13
My kids are back in school and I'm going to work really hard on
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bringing you guys more interviews of my clients on a
0:19
more regular basis. This week we get to talk to
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Maggie. She's an EMT and a firefighter,
0:24
and she joined my group coaching program in April.
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And she talks about what she came to me with coaching for and
0:29
what she really got out of it and how it helped her
0:31
professionally in her career. And really start thinking
0:34
differently about who she was and the confidence issues that
0:37
she was having and so. What I really hope to provide
0:41
you guys in some of these conversations and interviews
0:43
with my client is some piece of the conversation that you can
0:46
glean and relate to. I hope that you can take
0:49
something that either she talks about or I talk about or we talk
0:52
about jointly together that is going to be meaningful for you.
0:55
That you can get one thing out of it and that you can relate to
0:59
something that they are talking about or something that they are
1:01
struggling with. So without further ado, here is
1:04
my conversation with Maggie. Hey Maggie, I'm so excited to
1:14
interview to you today and just like have you on the podcast and
1:17
just talk. About coaching and a little.
1:20
Bit about yourself, so let's just start there and just tell
1:23
everyone a little bit about you. OK, well thanks for having me.
1:28
I am a firefighter EMT in a small town.
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I went to college and got a degree in public relations.
1:36
Married my husband. We've been married for 15 years.
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I have two kids, 12 year old boy and an 8 year old girl.
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I've done quite a few different jobs.
1:45
I was a personal trainer, a wedding photographer all through
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the years, was a stay at home mom and just focused on that for
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my daughter was born and then was ready to get a career and so
1:57
jumped into firefighting and EMT.
2:01
And tell us how long you have been an EMT and a firefighter.
2:05
I started firefighting as an on call in the fall of 2020, and
2:09
then I started EMT. I've been doing EMT for about a
2:12
year. OK, awesome.
2:14
It was funny. Like as you were introducing
2:16
yourself and talking about yourself, I'm like, isn't.
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That all of us who are responders that are just like
2:23
we've done several different things and we're.
2:26
Like this office life or 9 to 5 is not for us and so yeah, going
2:31
to EMS or we go into. Healthcare because it's like we
2:34
can't work five days a week and we don't want a nine to five
2:37
job. Yeah, that was a huge factor in
2:39
deciding that I could not sit at the desk.
2:42
Yeah, or that. And we just like, you know,
2:45
don't want to be stuck doing one thing or the same thing every
2:49
day. Yes, yeah.
2:50
Yeah. OK, well tell everybody you know
2:54
now that you explained a little. Bit about yourself, but what you
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kind of came to me for coaching initially, OK?
3:00
So I got on full time with my department in October and was
3:05
just feeling, I guess not worthy of given the job I loved.
3:11
It was super excited but was really in my head and my
3:15
confidence kind of started to dwindle even though I was doing
3:18
the job and I was progressing really well.
3:21
I just was in my head a lot and started to kind of freak out of
3:26
maybe I don't deserve to be here and what if I can't do it?
3:31
And so yeah, I came to you to help me get out of my head.
3:34
I just knew I needed an extra help.
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I've been in counseling before for like anxiety and just
3:39
general things. And I know how much it helps.
3:42
I say I've saw like a diagram and it was like how therapy
3:46
works and it's like you have a bundle of like like a.
3:51
But it'll be yarn in your head that's all knotted up, and a
3:53
therapist helps, like, straighten it all out.
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And so I knew I could come to you for that.
3:59
And yeah, you were so much more than that.
4:02
But yeah, I just knew I needed some outside help.
4:05
Yeah, and I love that because you know a lot of the clients
4:07
that I work with. Do both like they have therapy
4:10
and coaching and I love that they can integrate both because.
4:13
Therapy. Really focuses on like.
4:16
Your past and like why you are the way you are now, right?
4:19
And my coaching really focuses on who you are now and really
4:22
where you wanna be. Yes, and that was a big, yeah,
4:25
that was huge as well as I couldn't see where I wanted to
4:27
go cuz I was so stuck in like feeling like I couldn't do it
4:30
now. Yeah.
4:32
So let's talk about that, because I.
4:33
Think like imposter syndrome is something.
4:36
Huge that we all feel like it doesn't matter.
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And what I? Shared with you guys.
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Like it didn't matter that I flew for seven years, I.
4:41
Still felt a ton of imposter syndrome and a lot of doubt and.
4:45
There were ways of it, like, right, I'd go in and out of it.
4:49
So for you like after having some conversations about that
4:52
and confidence waxing and waning and imposter syndrome, like kind
4:56
of what did you learn from our time together and coaching?
4:58
Together with that. I learned that I just wasn't, I
5:05
guess, giving myself permission to step into that role like I
5:11
thought I needed to. Yeah, I it was based on like, I
5:15
don't have enough experience. Like some factor that I couldn't
5:18
put my finger on folds. Like I don't have it or I don't
5:22
have it yet, and then I don't know how to get enough of it.
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Whatever that thing is, it just felt unattainable.
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Yeah. And and.
5:32
We talked about this a lot and this is what I hear commonly
5:35
from all my clients. No matter where they are in
5:37
their career is like time and experience equals you being able
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to be confident for something and I just like to have.
5:43
This philosophy that that it doesn't require.
5:46
That for us to be able to show up confidently, we don't have to
5:49
have that time and experience for that to.
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Equal that. And we've talked about that a
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lot too. So like for you, what has helped
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you kind of step into that role with with not having the 10 plus
6:02
years with some people on your team that you've worked?
6:05
So there were a couple of different things.
6:07
I think the first kind of major shift when you were like they
6:11
knew who you were when they hired you, they knew I didn't
6:14
have, you know, I only had a year if that experience of on
6:18
the job experience, like they didn't just hire me for my
6:21
skills. And they knew what skills I had
6:23
and didn't have. And so that was a big shift of,
6:25
oh, they hired me for me and all these other characteristics that
6:29
I possess. And so it was like giving myself
6:31
credit for I'm hardworking and, you know, loyal and, you know,
6:35
all those other different things that didn't require 10 years of
6:39
experience that I didn't have. And so that was a big shift of
6:43
realizing, oh, they hired me for me.
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And then you asked really good questions.
6:50
So it was like, okay, Well, I don't have enough experience.
6:53
And you're like, what is enough? When will it be enough?
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And that was big. And that was like, oh, yeah,
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you're right. Like, having to define some of
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those things that I was putting so much pressure on kind of took
7:04
away the anxiety of it or the power that it had on me.
7:10
Yeah. And then you also, I would love
7:12
your questions you always asked when I was spinning out and
7:15
feeling not confident and all of that.
7:18
You always asked. What were you not doing?
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And then I realized, okay, this is not productive to be have my
7:26
head spinning this way. And so those were some major
7:30
shifts that helped me get out of my head and realize, like, look
7:33
at it objectively. Yeah, I love that.
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That's what you took away from it because.
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You'll be able to apply that now from here on on for the rest of.
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Your life like asking. Absolutely.
7:42
Questions and it's. Like you, you, you almost become
7:46
your own coach. You know, like in the self
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coaching of these questions as things are coming up, it's like,
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OK, what am I not doing? And that will.
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Always revert you to OK, wait as I zoom out and see the bigger
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picture, what am I missing? Because I'm.
8:00
So ultra focused in on this thing and I.
8:04
Love that you said. Like I was so focused in on what
8:10
was going on now that I didn't realize, like all all the things
8:13
that I've done leading. Up to this job really made me
8:15
successful. In it.
8:18
Even being in that position wasn't very long because.
8:21
I always think of that As for myself.
8:24
Especially as I've shifted into many different careers and
8:28
changed things along the way, and what I've done like this is
8:31
my 4th. Career shift, it's I've always
8:34
reminded myself of that. Like even when I went from ICU
8:37
nurse to flight nurse, was that like, I'm not just a brand new
8:42
flight nurse, I've been a nurse for six years and so I'm going
8:45
to take that cumulative 6 years and.
8:47
Realize like those six years is what's going to make me great at
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it too, and I don't want. To downplay that, I'm just
8:56
starting it and same with you. It's like that 10 years of life
9:01
experience that you. That's why they hired you for
9:03
the position and that's why you can be great at it now.
9:07
Oh, absolutely. And it was, yeah, Realizing
9:09
like, Oh yeah, I have all these other skills that I've attained
9:11
through all these careers that I've had.
9:13
And yeah, you're not starting from scratch.
9:15
You're bringing all that with you?
9:17
Yeah. And what came up from me when we
9:19
started talking about this? Is I think what stopped a lot of
9:23
people so. I have this just belief that a
9:25
lot of people just don't go for what they want because they're
9:27
very comfortable and where they are, it's nice, there's no
9:30
discomfort in it. But they always have this like
9:32
wondering like what? If and so, my question for you
9:36
and I'm curious if you. Ever felt like this?
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Like what was it for you that got you into, Hey, I do want to
9:42
get my EMT license and I want to go further in this career, even
9:47
though there was discomfort in. That like, what was that step
9:50
that helped you get there? That.
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I knew if I didn't go for it, I would regret it.
9:56
Like it was very scary to take that step and like, oh, maybe
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this isn't for me, but I just had like this pulling on my
10:03
heart that like, this is for you, like this is going to be
10:07
good for me. And like that I would just
10:10
regret it if I didn't. So it was just, I felt like I
10:12
couldn't walk away from it. Like I couldn't had a vision of
10:16
who I could become. As you know a firefighter and an
10:19
EMT and. Yeah, I just.
10:22
I just had this deep sense that I would regret it if I didn't
10:25
become that person. Interesting is that I think like
10:28
sometimes we lie to. Because we're like, oh, if I
10:32
just don't go for it, you know, then I can stay comfortable and
10:36
I don't have to experience the discomfort of growth.
10:38
But it's like sitting with the discomfort of not going for it
10:42
is even worse. Yes.
10:44
Oh, yes. Because like as overachievers
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like that's going to grow with us, it's going to continue to
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nudge us. Like it?
10:52
Did you? Yes, absolutely.
10:55
Yeah, another question for. You is that you got to be a part
11:00
of a group and I know we've never done one-on-one before,
11:04
but tell me like. For you, what What were aspects
11:08
of being a part of group? That you that you really liked?
11:12
That everyone else, like, had the same thoughts that I did and
11:16
one of the girls had said she was.
11:19
Get, like, getting praised by her boss and like, Oh yeah, we
11:22
want you to train other people. And she was saying she had the
11:24
internal thoughts of like, oh, don't they know that, like, I
11:28
just messed up? Or don't they know I'm not
11:30
perfect? And I was like, that's what I've
11:32
been thinking like, but do they know?
11:35
Like, they keep telling me I'm doing a good job, but am I, you
11:38
know, just some of those lingering doubts and that we're
11:40
all, yeah, struggling with imposter syndrome.
11:43
And even though we all had we're in different jobs, we still have
11:48
those same. Self doubts and anxieties and
11:51
thoughts, yeah. And what I see too is like no
11:54
matter where you are on the journey, people think, okay,
11:56
once you get there, then you're not going to be struggling with
11:58
any of those things anymore. It it's still the same struggle,
12:03
it's just maybe with a different thing.
12:04
And so I think often times in healthcare and as first
12:08
responders. We just don't talk about our
12:10
emotions very much, right? Just see people being so strong,
12:14
but I'm having an understanding. I think I'm part of this group
12:17
and this is what I wanted to raise an awareness and being in
12:20
this group. Is that we're all struggling and
12:22
if we can just know what's the word normalize.
12:29
That we have to express like some of these thoughts and
12:33
emotions to be able to move forward and be great at.
12:37
These jobs, like, that's really what I wanted out of the group
12:40
and so. I really appreciate you
12:42
mentioning like that's one thing that you really got out.
12:44
Of it. Yeah, that was really
12:46
comforting, that realizing, oh, these ten years of experience
12:49
that I want to have is not going to fix everything.
12:52
I'm not going to suddenly be confident then if I'm not now
12:56
and. Yeah, yeah.
12:58
And I'm curious to for you as being a part of the group,
13:01
because I do hear from a lot of people who are unsure about
13:05
doing like kind of a group coaching atmosphere.
13:08
Is that did you get? What was?
13:13
What was part of like, you getting out of watching someone
13:15
else? Be coached.
13:16
Was that because I always hear like, this objection?
13:18
Well, what if I'm not the one getting coached?
13:20
I going to still get something out of it.
13:23
Oh, absolutely. I should get my notebook.
13:25
I had pages of notes when I would either watch the replay or
13:28
be in it and watching other people get coached because
13:30
again, you like you, asked really good questions.
13:32
And then I could ask myself that and apply it to my situation,
13:35
even though I related a lot to them when I didn't.
13:38
You still? They gave those good questions
13:41
to self reflect so I was able to fit it into what I was going
13:45
through. Yeah.
13:46
So yeah, I think just getting to see you give people the tools to
13:51
use can be used by anyone. Yeah, Yeah.
13:53
Great. My next question for you is we
13:56
spent almost a total of four months together.
13:59
And So what were? Some of, if you could, like,
14:02
look back where you started and where you've kind of finished.
14:05
What were some big things that you've noticed about yourself
14:08
and in that time working together?
14:12
I think the way, like the way I feel at work, so the way I felt
14:16
then, and that's hard. I just felt heavy, like that's
14:20
the way to describe it. I felt heavy.
14:21
Yeah. My brain was that tangle of
14:23
yarn. And yeah, I just knew I needed
14:28
some outside help. And to now, I'm much more
14:32
relaxed. Yeah, I have these tools now, so
14:34
I'm feeling confident at working through all.
14:39
Yeah, the impostor syndrome, all that stuff's still there, but I
14:42
need to work through it faster, easier, and I just feel like
14:46
lighter at work. Yeah, more confident.
14:49
I have, like I feel more purposeful when I'm there
14:52
because I know what my values are.
14:54
Because we went over that my why?
14:56
And yeah, just how I'm able to. Contribute to the department as
15:03
me instead of, yeah, worrying about what I'm not.
15:07
Yeah, and I think like a lot of people come to me because
15:10
they're like, hey, I want to work on this one thing, whether
15:12
it's their career or whatever it is, getting to the next thing.
15:15
But what they get is so much more out of.
15:17
It that it actually seeps into the.
15:19
Rest of their life, so I'm. Curious for you.
15:22
Like you know, we did a lot of coaching on your current
15:25
position and where you are now. I mean kind of like where you
15:28
want to be, but I'm curious if you were able to notice any
15:31
changes in your. Everyday life because of it as
15:33
well. I I want to say yes, but I don't
15:41
know if I come up with examples, but I do feel like they
15:44
overlapped. I've done a lot of work in my
15:46
personal life and so you were actually having me pull like
15:49
from my personal life. Well, how do you deal with that
15:52
at home? And then, OK, take those skills
15:54
and use them at work because I had worked on like at home like.
15:58
Not people pleasing or trying not to disappoint.
16:00
My spouse and I knew how to work through those feelings at home,
16:03
but I wasn't doing it at work, So it was kind of the opposite.
16:07
Yeah, we. Talked a lot about which I feel
16:11
like would be great to bring up for.
16:13
We talked a lot about being a female in a very masculine and
16:20
male driven industry. You know I experienced.
16:23
That a lot too, as a flight nurse.
16:26
So I'm just curious like. For you?
16:30
Like what are your some of your thoughts about it and what?
16:33
Where have you like kind of seen yourself grow when it comes
16:38
around that topic? I would say it's grow in like
16:44
the public's perception because of all the guys who I've been in
16:48
Academy with and it's the department have been super
16:51
supportive and like nothing's but an issue.
16:54
That way I get treated like an equal always.
16:56
That's never an issue. So that's that's been really
17:00
great, but it's usually like comments I get from the public
17:03
that bother me more. So you had mentioned part of me
17:08
like going through this as I'm more in my head in a good way
17:12
and out of other people's heads. So I was worried about what the
17:15
public would think or be irritated by certain comments I
17:17
would get having to do with like me being a female in this
17:20
industry. So I was able to better work
17:24
through those. So, yeah.
17:28
And I was thinking about that. It usually comes from the
17:32
public. Yeah.
17:34
Who caught, Yeah. Who would make comments or even
17:37
patients. Yeah.
17:39
But it's never from the guys I work with.
17:42
Yeah, and I know personally, like I got.
17:45
It from cuz I always look so young too, like even as a young
17:48
nurse I always looked young and so you know, I I I think like
17:53
early on in my career. That used to really bother me.
17:56
But I just realized like what an opportunity.
18:00
That we have both as females and you know, me being a young nurse
18:06
at that time just to show. People like what's possible,
18:10
especially for anybody else who might be having reservations
18:15
about getting into this industry or doing the work.
18:17
That we did or. The reservations about how
18:20
young? Or old they look, whatever it
18:22
may be, on both ends of the spectrum, right?
18:25
Like, that's why I do this, because I want to always be an
18:29
example of what's possible and that we're always going to have
18:32
limiting factors that we put on ourselves.
18:34
But we create our own success and like.
18:36
Give ourselves our power back to that.
18:39
So I'm curious like. What are your thoughts or what's
18:42
maybe some advice that you would give someone who feels very
18:44
limited? Either about their gender or
18:47
about their age and they're trying to break into to this
18:51
industry or into being a. Firefighter I was sensitive
18:55
about my age. I guess going into it, I'm 38
18:59
and so it's like, oh, is it too late for a career?
19:03
I'm not going to have what it takes.
19:05
But I developed the mindset of it's like I'm not aging, I'm
19:09
leveling up. So I decided I wasn't going to
19:13
use my age as an excuse. I've had been, I've worked out
19:17
all my life, so I'm in good shape like.
19:19
I didn't need to have my ages and she's like, well, I'm too
19:23
old or I'm aging or whatever. I'm just going to work my butt
19:28
off and improve. And so yeah, I would say don't.
19:33
Don't use age and as an excuse because it's never.
19:36
I don't. It's never too late.
19:38
Yeah, and we've talked about how our brain does this funny thing
19:40
of trying to find all the negative evidence to make
19:42
whatever we're thinking true. And so it's like I just always
19:46
offer people well like if you if like let's just say your thought
19:50
is like I'm too old and these are the reasons why it's.
19:53
Also like, well why is your age just perfect for you to?
19:57
Because I wouldn't have been able to handle this when I was
20:00
20. Like all the life experience and
20:03
changes that I've gone through, I'm way more prepared for it
20:06
now. See, I think I had to wait this
20:11
long for a reason. You know, the timing wasn't
20:12
right then, but it is now. And here's the thing.
20:15
Like you and I both know this. Like when it's muddy and it's
20:19
messy and the crap hits the fan. We don't care about the age or
20:22
the gender of the person next to us.
20:24
What we think? About is that we can trust them
20:28
they. Have our back.
20:29
We have their backs and we're going to get the job done.
20:32
Yeah, absolutely. And I think like just some
20:35
people get in their head too much about it and they don't
20:37
like think about like ultimately like what's their ultimate goal
20:40
and. What do you have?
20:42
To to give to that position. That's already a part of you.
20:47
Right. Yeah.
20:47
And it's like, and you can just do it as you like.
20:51
I felt like, oh, maybe I need to be different than who I am, but
20:54
they hired me for me. And you can contribute in your
20:57
own way. Yeah, yeah.
21:01
Last question for you Maggie, is there or maybe not the last
21:05
question, but is there any piece of?
21:08
Advice that you got so far that's been really pivotal for.
21:14
Your success that that you could share with someone who's
21:18
wondering like kind of how to get into firefighting or maybe
21:21
struggling with some same thoughts.
21:22
That you had. When I was debating on whether
21:26
jumping into this career at all, I'd seen on Instagram, you know,
21:30
women, firefighters, and quite a few times I saw it was like, if
21:34
you're even thinking about getting into it, they're like,
21:36
do it, just go for it. Like you don't want to have
21:39
those what ifs, so just. I just got started and I also
21:45
saw that like someone on it again, I miss Scrum had put like
21:49
it gets better with every call. And I think I still tell myself
21:52
that. And it does.
21:53
It just keeps getting better and better that you you learn more,
21:59
I get more experience, get more used to it, whatever.
22:02
And then I had, I set some rules for myself, like I wasn't going
22:06
to let my age be excused. So I stopped myself from saying
22:08
that. And then when I started Fire
22:11
Academy, I was like, you are not allowed to say I can't or I
22:15
won't. Like we can't do that here.
22:18
And so I always volunteered to be the first person to do
22:20
something or just jump into it because that's how I deal with,
22:23
like if I'm afraid of it, I'm just going to do it and it takes
22:26
the power away. So I'd say come up, maybe with
22:29
some rules for yourself do get into it of those are the things
22:34
that help propel me forward and still do.
22:36
Yeah, I love that. And like even to add on to that.
22:39
First thought that you had is I'm getting better with each
22:41
call. Yes, because like, I think
22:44
sometimes we have these. Thoughts of like, Oh well with
22:47
time I'll get better, but it's like I am getting.
22:49
Better with each call. Yeah, there's something, yes,
22:53
there's something to be learned out of every call.
22:55
At first, my goals were like when I was on call, like, yeah,
22:58
I just want to be able to park in the right place because we
22:59
would drive to the scenes. I'm like.
23:02
Did I park in the right place? Great.
23:03
Did I get my equipment on properly?
23:05
Great. Did I get there and do the
23:06
things I was supposed to do, which was like signing up the
23:09
truck And, you know, so it's just a little by little by
23:11
little and keeps adding. Yeah.
23:14
And it's just Keep has just kept adding.
23:17
Yeah, no, I love that. My very last question for you.
23:21
Is great. I just forgot I asked you what
23:27
did people so advice. Oh, my last question for you.
23:31
Is as far as coaching. If if someone is on the fence
23:35
about, hey, should I do this group coaching, should I do this
23:38
one-on-one? What is coaching even about?
23:41
I mean, most people that I work with have never had a coach.
23:43
Before, like they're on the fence for it, of going for it or
23:46
not, like what it? What would be something that you
23:49
would want to share with them? I mean, it's been huge when.
23:57
Like years ago, when I was kind of at a time in my life where I
23:59
was, like, lost and didn't know what I wanted to do or where I
24:03
was going, I felt like a pull of, like, I need, like I needed
24:07
a coach is what I felt like. I'm like I need someone to
24:10
support me and like a mentor to pull me along.
24:13
And I found CrossFit and that was like my first coach who was
24:16
like, I would pick up a lightweight and they'd look at
24:19
me and be like, you can do the heavier weight like someone to
24:21
push you along. And then, you know, I got into
24:24
counseling after that. And then?
24:26
I just knew that to get to the next level that I needed that
24:30
push again that mentor to help be like you know you can do it.
24:33
You need to do it. You know that kind of that tough
24:36
love. So yeah it's been the experience
24:38
has been invaluable. So it's if you feel any sense of
24:44
like, hey, I'd love someone to come alongside me and kind of I
24:49
need that push to get into the next thing.
24:51
That's what you did. So yeah.
24:55
And then there were things that I learned that I didn't see
24:57
coming, and I just knew that's what I what I needed.
25:01
Yeah, I love that you explain it that way.
25:03
I've never heard it that way. But I do think of myself.
25:06
That way, like I'm I'm not telling you guys what to do.
25:09
I'm giving you advice. I'm just like on the sideline
25:12
and you guys are scoring the goals, but I'm holding the
25:14
belief for you that you're going to win the game.
25:17
Yes, absolutely, before you can believe it.
25:20
Yeah, you know you can do it. Go do it.
25:22
Yeah, I love that. I love that.
25:24
Well, thanks for being on today, Maggie.
25:25
I know something that you've said today in this conversation
25:28
that we've had someone's going to take something from it and
25:31
it's going to be really meaningful for them, so.
25:33
I really appreciate you being on today.
25:35
No problem. Good.
25:36
I hope so. Thank you.
25:37
You're welcome. All right.
25:38
Bye. Bye if anything in this episode
25:45
sparked your interest about coaching.
25:47
And you are interested in finding out either about
25:49
one-on-one or my next group coaching that is going to?
25:52
Be starting here shortly. Book a concert with me and we
25:55
can talk about how coaching can help you get to.
25:57
Your next goals. We will see.
25:59
You guys next week. Bye.
26:12
I'll bet you.