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Dreading the Teacher's First Report? How to Get Your ADHD Child Ready for School · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

0:00
Apryl: I want to start today's episode with something I saw in an ADHD parent Facebook group.
0:06
Apryl: A mom wrote, Anyone else so nervous for the first weeks of school, I'm not excited to hear about how challenging my kids are being.
0:14
Apryl: And of course, the comments were just blowing up.
0:17
Apryl: Same, I'm dreading the emails, I'm bracing the phone call.
0:21
Apryl: If you've ever stood at pickup or in a doorway and felt your stomach drop because the teacher's walking towards you with that look, this episode is for you.
0:31
Apryl: Because getting your ADHD child ready for school is not just about routines and regulation, it's about protecting their self-esteem and protecting your relationship with them in a season when it feels like everyone is pointing out what's wrong.
0:48
Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
0:53
Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
0:59
Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
1:05
Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
1:13
Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
1:22
Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
1:27
Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to Raising ADHD.
1:29
Apryl: I'm April, former classroom teacher, ADHD parenting coach, and a mom raising my own neurodivergent kiddo right alongside you.
1:39
Apryl: On this show, we take the research and the real stories and turn them into something that you can actually do in your home and at school.
1:46
Apryl: This is part two of our back to school series.
1:49
Apryl: Part one was all about mom taking the weight off your plate before school starts.
1:55
Apryl: This is part two.
1:57
Apryl: And today we're talking about getting your ADHD kid ready.
2:01
Apryl: But this is not the fix all your behavior way the world expects.
2:06
Apryl: This is going to be totally different than probably what you've heard on any other podcast.
2:14
Apryl: Because I know that you've heard set up routines, set up systems, get organized, do all of those things, which are all great.
2:23
Apryl: But I believe what we're diving into today is actually the most important thing that you can do to get your kiddo ready.
2:31
Apryl: And I want to start this episode with a story from my own life because this is very personal to me.
2:37
Apryl: When my son was in kindergarten, I taught at the school that he attended.
2:44
Apryl: And his teacher's classroom was right down the hall from me, just a few doors down the hall.
2:49
Apryl: And every day, or it felt like every day, she would come tell me everything he had done wrong.
2:58
Apryl: And there were days that I would walk into my teacher Bessie's classroom and just cry because in her eyes, he was just naughty.
3:10
Apryl: And looking back, he was being a five-year-old boy.
3:15
Apryl: And he was, it was his personality.
3:18
Apryl: He was a jokester.
3:19
Apryl: One of his love languages, and I've talked about him before on the podcast, is fun.
3:24
Apryl: He likes to make people laugh.
3:26
Apryl: This is him.
3:28
Apryl: That is him to a core.
3:31
Apryl: But at the time, all I heard was he did this wrong, he did that wrong, he did this, he did that.
3:37
Apryl: He's making it hard.
3:38
Apryl: And I didn't know how to put any boundaries around what I was hearing.
3:42
Apryl: And so then I carried all of that home and took it out on him, unfortunately.
3:50
Apryl: One day, this memory will be forever etched in my mind, and I still have mom guilt about it.
3:58
Apryl: One day, after another long list of naughty, I got so angry because I can't even remember what we were talking about, but I was just so angry that I bent up and broke one of his favorite plastic swords.
4:15
Apryl: And like I said, that memory is like forever etched in my mind.
4:20
Apryl: It was me losing it under the weight of someone else's judgment of my child.
4:27
Apryl: Now, I will say the following year was fabulous.
4:30
Apryl: Different teacher, different experience, but that first year showed me how easily their school behavior story can become their identity in our minds and in theirs.
4:44
Apryl: So when I read that Facebook post from a mom bracing herself for these challenging reports, I thought we need an episode on getting our ADHD kids ready that's not about perfect routines.
4:58
Apryl: It's about protecting who they are and starting the year with one or two gentle supports, not another giant system that we're never gonna be consistent with because we know that that's not how habits are formed and that we'll burn out on by week two.
5:15
Apryl: No, we're gonna make this simple and easy.
5:18
Apryl: We're gonna do this the raising ADHD way.
5:20
Apryl: To start out, let's name the tension.
5:23
Apryl: When we say get your ADHD kid ready for school, the world often hears we've got to fix the behavior.
5:32
Apryl: Okay, last year they were hyper, they were silly, they were not sitting in their seats, they were doing all of these things, right?
5:40
Apryl: So we've got to make them more compliant.
5:43
Apryl: How can we fix their behavior?
5:44
Apryl: And I've found myself doing this as well with my daughter.
5:48
Apryl: She's in camp this week, and she too has a funny, silly personality.
5:53
Apryl: And when her medicine is worn off or she hasn't taken it, that silliness like goes to the next level.
6:00
Apryl: And I will sometimes feel embarrassed because I am like, oh, that's not socially appropriate for her age, or you know, like what are the other kids thinking of her?
6:14
Apryl: And so my immediate instinct is to shut down all of that instead of embracing her and and noticing her strengths.
6:26
Apryl: And at school, that embarrassment can turn into dreading the teacher's report, getting angry at your child for being that kid, or trying to clamp down on every piece of their personality before the year even starts.
6:40
Apryl: So here's the raising ADHD reframe I want you to carry into this new school year.
6:47
Apryl: The goal of getting your ADHD child ready is not perfect behavior, it's protecting their self-esteem, protecting your connection, and offering them one or two simple supports for school.
7:02
Apryl: That's it.
7:03
Apryl: We are not installing a 27-step behavior system.
7:07
Apryl: We're planting a couple of small supports that can grow over time.
7:12
Apryl: Our guiding principle here is the same one we're using across this series.
7:17
Apryl: We're gonna support what your child's brain needs and let go of what it doesn't.
7:23
Apryl: So, in context, that means support their sense of who they are, not just how they behave.
7:31
Apryl: We're gonna support one or two skills they can actually use at school, and we're gonna let go of the pressure to fix every ADHD thing before day one.
7:42
Apryl: So let's talk about how we do that.
7:44
Apryl: Step one, we're gonna separate the child from the behavior story that school is going to hand you.
7:50
Apryl: Here's a simple, repeatable practice: name their true identity out loud at home.
7:57
Apryl: So pick two or three words that describe who they really are.
8:01
Apryl: You're funny, you're kind, you're curious, you're brave.
8:05
Apryl: It reminds me of the movie The Help and the quote: You was kind, you is smart, you is important, right?
8:12
Apryl: And the same thing here, we want to find those things that we can repeat to our kids over and over and over again.
8:21
Apryl: They're simple and easy, and we can say these to them at bedtime, in the car on the way to school, after a hard school day, we can say these things.
8:31
Apryl: So here are some examples.
8:33
Apryl: You're a funny, kind kid who loves to make people laugh.
8:37
Apryl: That's a beautiful part of you.
8:39
Apryl: Even when the day is hard, you're still curious and brave.
8:43
Apryl: Look for those things that are true to their personality and that are lights in their personality because every kid has them.
8:53
Apryl: Every person has good qualities.
8:57
Apryl: When we're doing this, we're building a counter story to whatever behavior, no, or email comes home.
9:04
Apryl: The next part of this is we're going to decide what teacher feedback is allowed to mean.
9:08
Apryl: You can literally decide ahead of time.
9:11
Apryl: Teacher reports are about behavior in specific context.
9:15
Apryl: They are not a verdict on who my child is.
9:18
Apryl: So when you hear he was challenging, she was silly, he disrupted the lesson, your brain translates that into the classroom needs different behavior right now.
9:28
Apryl: Instead of my child is bad, I'm a bad parent, that boundary keeps other people's judgments from becoming your child's identity inside your home.
9:36
Apryl: And that is so important.
9:37
Apryl: It's interesting.
9:38
Apryl: A few weeks back, I was scrolling through an ADHD parenting Facebook group, and I can't even remember what the comment was, but it was something about some sort of ADHD behavior, and it was like, why do ADHD kids always something?
9:54
Apryl: I can't even remember.
9:56
Apryl: And it was something that I really hadn't noticed in my daughter, or it really wasn't an issue.
10:04
Apryl: But because I had read that, then all of a sudden it became like blatantly apparent to me.
10:11
Apryl: And it made me so angry at her that night and so upset.
10:16
Apryl: And it's because of the way that I was thinking about it and looking at it now versus what it was before what I was doing before.
10:27
Apryl: And so by doing this and being able to counter this story for not just them, but for us as their parents.
10:36
Apryl: One of the biggest things that looking back over my teaching career, something that stands out to me the most is when my son was younger than my students, I just thought they were so old and so big, and that they, you know, should be able to do so many things.
11:04
Apryl: And I'm talking, my son was like two years old and I was teaching third graders.
11:08
Apryl: And so they seemed so old to me.
11:12
Apryl: But as the switch happened, where my son became older than my students, and then especially as watching my kids get older, where I have that 12-year gap, truly our kids are so young, they're kids.
11:29
Apryl: And that's one of the things that I think we forget as adults and parents, is that they're just kids, they're still learning.
11:41
Apryl: We expect them to do all of these things when they're still just kids and learning.
11:48
Apryl: So, really truly, I think this is one of the best things that you can do, not just for your kid, but for yourself, is to have this counterstory when behavior is challenging, when they're being challenging, to be able to counteract those behaviors and those thoughts.
12:07
Apryl: Because our thoughts and what we think, like I said the other night, a few you know months back, the my thoughts had changed and I reacted differently.
12:18
Apryl: And that's what happens.
12:20
Apryl: So I think this counter story is super, super important, not just for your kiddo, but for you as well.
12:27
Apryl: And I I challenge you to stop and look your kiddo in the eyes and just like revel in the fact that they're a kid.
12:42
Apryl: Just look and marvel in the fact that they are like taking in the whole world for the first time and just look in their eyes and see those strengths that they have.
12:55
Apryl: It's gonna make a huge difference for, like I said, not just them for but for you.
13:01
Apryl: And it's gonna help build up some tolerance when those teacher phone calls and notes and emails come in.
13:08
Apryl: So, step two, let's give your child one small support for the expectations they'll face.
13:13
Apryl: We're not gonna do a full overhaul.
13:16
Apryl: We know that that doesn't work.
13:18
Apryl: There's so much research on habits and how trying to overhaul an entire thing is not gonna work.
13:24
Apryl: So let's not do that.
13:25
Apryl: Let's not just set ourselves up for failure.
13:28
Apryl: Let's set ourselves up for success.
13:30
Apryl: So we're gonna pick one area that feels most relevant for your kid.
13:34
Apryl: So, for example, option one funny, but not at rug time.
13:39
Apryl: This is a context for silliness.
13:41
Apryl: So, for the jokester like my son, at home, we could say something like, You love being funny.
13:46
Apryl: School needs quiet at certain times.
13:48
Apryl: But you don't have to stop being funny.
13:50
Apryl: We just need a plan for when and where your jokes go.
13:54
Apryl: And then we can introduce simple categories.
13:57
Apryl: Story time on the rug equals quiet body, quiet mouth.
14:01
Apryl: Recess, lunch, bus, that's a joke zone.
14:05
Apryl: And then we practice it.
14:08
Apryl: We practice with quick role play.
14:10
Apryl: And the research is really strong on roleplay.
14:14
Apryl: Even if it feels silly, it really, really helps to roleplay these situations before they actually happen.
14:22
Apryl: Do you remember?
14:23
Apryl: Um when well, it depends on what s decade you grew up in.
14:30
Apryl: But when I grew up, we learned stop, drop, and roll.
14:35
Apryl: I don't even know if kids nowadays know what the heck stop, drop and roll is.
14:39
Apryl: And if you're a youngster and you don't know what that is, that's what happens if you catch on fire.
14:43
Apryl: You stop, drop and roll.
14:45
Apryl: That was like put into our like drilled into our memory, right?
14:50
Apryl: And and we would role-play that, like, oh, what do you do?
14:53
Apryl: Stop, drop and roll, right?
14:55
Apryl: And we practice that.
14:56
Apryl: It's just like a fire drill.
14:57
Apryl: It's like we had earthquake drills growing up in the West.
15:01
Apryl: Um, here we have tornado drills, right?
15:05
Apryl: We practice these things so that when the event occurs, we can do them.
15:10
Apryl: The same thing is true here.
15:12
Apryl: We want to practice this with a quick role play.
15:15
Apryl: So you can pretend to be the teacher and say, now it's story time.
15:19
Apryl: And then you ask, show me your quiet body, quiet mouth that saves the jokes for later.
15:24
Apryl: Then we switch.
15:25
Apryl: Now it's recession.
15:27
Apryl: Show me your joke zone.
15:28
Apryl: And you can flip-flop the role play too.
15:31
Apryl: And one thing that is really good for this as well is to practice the what you don't want to see.
15:38
Apryl: This was something when I was in my classroom, this was something like from the research of classroom management and all that stuff, was that we roleplay what we want the kids to do, and we also roleplay the opposite of we want them to do, and they'll laugh and they think it's funny, but they can see, oh, that's not what that's not appropriate.
15:59
Apryl: This is the correct behavior.
16:01
Apryl: So doing that same thing, and you can flip-flop it where they're the teacher and you're the student, and we're just practicing these things.
16:07
Apryl: Okay.
16:09
Apryl: We're not saying stop being silly.
16:11
Apryl: You're teaching context, which is an executive function skill in a way that they can handle.
16:18
Apryl: Here's another option.
16:20
Apryl: This is for the child whose impulsive behavior gets them in trouble.
16:24
Apryl: So we talked about impulse control a few episodes back.
16:28
Apryl: It's impulsive behavior in ADHD, why your child has no pause button and how to build one.
16:33
Apryl: We talked more in depth about this.
16:35
Apryl: So if you want, if your child struggles with impulse control, go back and listen to that episode.
16:39
Apryl: I'll link it in the show notes.
16:41
Apryl: But doing teaching a simple script, like pause, breathe, decide, or um, like red light, yellow light, green light.
16:49
Apryl: We talk about that again all in the episode.
16:51
Apryl: But then we pair it with a body cue.
16:53
Apryl: So like hands together, or like sit on your hands, or one slow breath through the nose.
16:59
Apryl: And we practice once a day in a low-stakes way.
17:03
Apryl: So pretend you really want to grab something from my hand.
17:05
Apryl: Show me pause, breathe aside instead.
17:08
Apryl: This is not a full impulse control program.
17:11
Apryl: It's a seed, it's that tiny pause that they can start to recognize.
17:16
Apryl: We have to do this over and over and over again.
17:19
Apryl: My daughter, for example, she is in speech therapy.
17:23
Apryl: She has a speech disfluency.
17:25
Apryl: And she has been practicing a breathing technique that helps her with her speech disfluency.
17:32
Apryl: And she's been practicing this for months.
17:36
Apryl: And she's starting to do it.
17:39
Apryl: She's not recognizing that she's doing it, but she's implementing it just on her own, unconsciously.
17:45
Apryl: That's it's the tiny seed though.
17:48
Apryl: And she practices it constantly with her speech therapist every single week.
17:55
Apryl: I will remind her, like, hey, um, when she has a disfluent speech, I'll be like, hey, stop, take a breath, and let's try that again.
18:04
Apryl: We do the same thing with this impulse of behavior, is we say, hey, let's try that again.
18:10
Apryl: Like if they try to yank the phone out of your hand, let's try that again.
18:15
Apryl: Let's pause, breathe, decide.
18:19
Apryl: Or pause, breathe, and ask, right?
18:22
Apryl: That's what we're doing.
18:23
Apryl: We're planting these tiny seeds over and over and over and over and over again, and we're watering that seed over and over and over again.
18:31
Apryl: Okay, step three is let's talk regulation, but again, we're going to keep it very small.
18:39
Apryl: You don't have to redesign your whole nervous system plan before school.
18:44
Apryl: You can choose one regulation anchor for those first few weeks.
18:49
Apryl: So here's some examples of some that you may choose from an after-school decompression.
18:55
Apryl: And we have a whole episode about after school meltdowns.
19:00
Apryl: The episode is after school meltdowns and ADHD, a three-step plan parents can start tonight.
19:05
Apryl: So I'll put the link to that in the show notes.
19:07
Apryl: And we talk all about after school meltdowns and after school.
19:11
Apryl: We have a whole after-school decompression in there of what you can do.
19:15
Apryl: But for right now, decide now that for the first two weeks, you're going to have this decompression time.
19:22
Apryl: This is a 20, 30-minute, no-demand window after pickup.
19:25
Apryl: So they have a snack, quiet play, no homework, no chores, no tell me everything about your day, interrogation.
19:32
Apryl: You're acknowledging that you've they've been holding it together all day and giving their brain a predictable rest.
19:38
Apryl: Or another thing that you could choose from.
19:40
Apryl: Remember, we're just picking one here.
19:41
Apryl: We're not doing this whole implementing all this.
19:44
Apryl: Maybe a morning connection ritual.
19:46
Apryl: So choose one tiny connection you can offer on school mornings, like a 30-second hug.
19:52
Apryl: How often do we actually stop in the morning to give a hug before we start giving out demands?
19:59
Apryl: Get dressed, get your teeth, eat breakfast, right?
20:02
Apryl: Just that tiny connection.
20:03
Apryl: Or a simple question.
20:05
Apryl: What's one thing you're looking forward to today?
20:08
Apryl: Or a reminder of their identity.
20:11
Apryl: Remember, you are funny and kind right before they get out of the car.
20:16
Apryl: These little anchors say you're more than your behavior.
20:20
Apryl: I'm on your team and you belong.
20:22
Apryl: Okay, step four is protecting you from embarrassment and burnout.
20:27
Apryl: We can't ignore your side of this because your burnout and embarrassment are part of what makes this so hard.
20:34
Apryl: Like I said earlier, when my daughter is silly and goofy in sewing camp, I get embarrassed.
20:40
Apryl: Instead of embracing her, I'm embarrassed.
20:43
Apryl: And I see later how I react.
20:45
Apryl: Like, oh, you know, that's human.
20:49
Apryl: Nothing is wrong if you feel that way.
20:53
Apryl: It's just human.
20:55
Apryl: But because embarrassment can turn into moments like breaking a sword or snapping at your child, I want you to have one small internal shift ready.
21:07
Apryl: So next time you feel that hot, embarrassed feeling, try this in your mind.
21:11
Apryl: This is my embarrassment talking, not a sign my child is bad.
21:16
Apryl: Her silliness is part of her.
21:18
Apryl: My job is to coach it, not erase it.
21:21
Apryl: And later, when you're calm, you can repair with her.
21:25
Apryl: Hey, when you were being silly, camp, I felt embarrassed and I snapped.
21:28
Apryl: I'm sorry.
21:29
Apryl: You being silly isn't bad.
21:30
Apryl: We just need some boundaries for when it works and when it doesn't.
21:34
Apryl: So by doing this, we're modeling honesty, repair, and a differentiated message.
21:41
Apryl: You're good.
21:42
Apryl: We're just working on the skill piece together.
21:44
Apryl: We're working on when silliness is appropriate and when it's not, right?
21:49
Apryl: It's okay to be silly.
21:50
Apryl: We just have boundaries around when it's okay and not okay.
21:54
Apryl: Okay, so let's make this simple and doable.
21:57
Apryl: For this week, your get my ADHD.
22:00
Apryl: HD Kid Ready experiment is just four steps.
22:03
Apryl: Number one, you're gonna choose one identity phrase for your child.
22:07
Apryl: You're funny and kind, you're curious and brave, you're creative and imaginative, whatever it is for your kiddo.
22:15
Apryl: You're gonna say it out loud once a day, at bedtime or in the car.
22:20
Apryl: And then pick one small support.
22:23
Apryl: So either that's the school silliness boundaries, that's a pause plan, that's an after-school decompression window, whatever it is that you need for your child.
22:33
Apryl: And here's what I've been I'm gonna do a podcast episode on this, but I've been thinking about this for a little while because I've been talking about your battle zones and what's the behavior you struggle with.
22:47
Apryl: And I have been thinking, you know, maybe we need to take it from a different approach instead of like what's the hardest behavior, maybe there's a behavior that we can start getting quick wins with.
22:59
Apryl: It is a behavior, it's not the one that drives you the most crazy, but it's the one that you can get your kiddo a quick win.
23:06
Apryl: And maybe that's the small support.
23:08
Apryl: Maybe it's not the big giant thing, but we're like, hey, you know what?
23:13
Apryl: Look at this.
23:14
Apryl: You can do this.
23:15
Apryl: We worked on calling out at the rug, and now you're raising your hand.
23:20
Apryl: That's awesome.
23:21
Apryl: And then we get into the harder behaviors, like the melting down when the teacher asks them to do something, things like that.
23:27
Apryl: But we get them wince.
23:29
Apryl: So pick one small support, and then we're gonna practice it once in a calm moment.
23:36
Apryl: So two to three minutes, easy and playful.
23:39
Apryl: You're not being asked to rewrite all of your routines, build new systems, build a complete rainbow-colored organization system for your kiddo.
23:48
Apryl: No, we are just starting small.
23:50
Apryl: We're going to plant a self-esteem anchor, a tiny skill seed, and a nervous system touch point.
23:58
Apryl: Those can grow and you can add more later, but for now, this is enough.
24:03
Apryl: School year is stressful as it is.
24:06
Apryl: This is the time of year that Brian sees in the hospital, the child and adolescent psychiatric unit fills up because there's so much stress and anxiety about the social pressures and everything about going back to school.
24:20
Apryl: So if we can do this and make it easier on ourselves and on our kids, let's do it.
24:25
Apryl: Let's make it simpler, lighter, and in a way that we can all feel good.
24:31
Apryl: So if you're listening with that knot in your stomach about the first weeks of school, I want you to hear this clearly.
24:36
Apryl: Your ADHD child is not the challenging child.
24:40
Apryl: They're a whole person with humor, kindness, curiosity, and a brain that works differently.
24:45
Apryl: School will probably have feedback.
24:48
Apryl: Some of it will be hard, but with a clear boundary around what that feedback means, a daily reminder of who they really are, and one or two simple supports for behavior and regulation, you are not sending them into this school year alone.
25:01
Apryl: You're not carrying the shame home and turning it into anger.
25:04
Apryl: You are doing what we say here all the time.
25:07
Apryl: Support what your child's brain needs and let go of what it doesn't.
25:11
Apryl: In part three of this series, we'll talk about preparing the teacher, how to communicate about your kids' ADHD up front.
25:18
Apryl: So you start the year on the right foot instead of waiting for the first challenging email.
25:23
Apryl: If this episode made you feel a tiny bit less dread, share it with another ADHD parent who is quietly terrified of those first week reports.
25:31
Apryl: You're not the only one, and you don't have to carry this alone.
25:35
Apryl: I'm April, and I'll see you in the next episode.
25:38
Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
25:41
Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
25:45
Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
25:47
Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you'd leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
25:56
Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
26:01
Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.