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Do Men Want You To Pick Up The Check? · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:16
Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do part two.
0:18
Speaker 2: I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here
0:21
Speaker 2: to continue answering some of those questions that we got
0:24
Speaker 2: last week. So let's dive right into some of those
0:26
Speaker 2: voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two.
0:31
Speaker 3: Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is
0:35
Speaker 3: going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking
0:39
Speaker 3: to a guy for almost a year, we text before,
0:42
Speaker 3: we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date.
0:45
Speaker 3: Am I being patient or am I being delusional?
0:48
Speaker 2: Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say,
0:51
Speaker 2: it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date.
0:54
Speaker 2: I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not
0:57
Speaker 2: saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once,
1:01
Speaker 2: but I just I think you know much quicker than
1:04
Speaker 2: a year.
1:06
Speaker 1: There should be some momentum there.
1:07
Speaker 2: There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress,
1:10
Speaker 2: and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh,
1:14
Speaker 2: I can't think of a situation in which this makes
1:17
Speaker 2: a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would
1:21
Speaker 2: I would put you kind of more in your words,
1:24
Speaker 2: in your words, not mine in the delusional category to
1:27
Speaker 2: think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous,
1:30
Speaker 2: this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship.
1:32
Speaker 1: So maybe you're dating an astronaut.
1:35
Speaker 2: You know, he's been out of the country, out of
1:36
Speaker 2: the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But
1:40
Speaker 2: maybe you know, if it is long distance and not
1:43
Speaker 2: an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's
1:45
Speaker 2: the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I
1:48
Speaker 2: think this might be some time. You know, a time
1:50
Speaker 2: frame should be put on this and start building to something,
1:53
Speaker 2: you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar.
1:56
Speaker 2: And if the person on the other end a box
2:00
Speaker 2: at that, then I think that you could probably answer
2:02
Speaker 2: that question and not waste any more time. If it
2:05
Speaker 2: isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going
2:07
Speaker 2: to end this with this person, I think there should
2:10
Speaker 2: be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it.
2:13
Speaker 2: I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging,
2:16
Speaker 2: you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what,
2:17
Speaker 2: it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this
2:20
Speaker 2: last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really
2:23
Speaker 2: making any progress, you know. I really wish this could
2:26
Speaker 2: have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And
2:28
Speaker 2: so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself
2:31
Speaker 2: because you know you have impressed the issue to the
2:33
Speaker 2: point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it
2:37
Speaker 2: don't just put it on the other person and then
2:39
Speaker 2: you know, maybe you know, that would push that other
2:42
Speaker 2: person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh,
2:44
Speaker 2: I do not want to lose you. I'm going to
2:47
Speaker 2: take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you,
2:50
Speaker 2: or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't
2:53
Speaker 2: just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity
2:57
Speaker 2: for it to be made right. And you know, maybe
2:59
Speaker 2: it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great,
3:02
Speaker 2: great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy.
3:06
Speaker 2: She says that she's been dating a man that she
3:09
Speaker 2: met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really
3:13
Speaker 2: like where our relationship is going, but I want to
3:15
Speaker 2: talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up.
3:19
Speaker 2: I think I make more money than him. Do guys
3:21
Speaker 2: care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My
3:25
Speaker 2: ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to
3:27
Speaker 2: be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy,
3:31
Speaker 2: this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship,
3:37
Speaker 2: a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor
3:40
Speaker 2: you're just starting off. You know, you might have made
3:42
Speaker 2: more money than you in your ex but like you know,
3:44
Speaker 2: it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a
3:45
Speaker 2: horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're
3:47
Speaker 2: starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this
3:50
Speaker 2: second chapter, in this second go round. If you think
3:54
Speaker 2: that this might be the man of your second dreams,
3:58
Speaker 2: I think that it is important to make sure that
4:01
Speaker 2: everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know,
4:04
Speaker 2: history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records,
4:09
Speaker 2: and I think that finances are right there with with
4:13
Speaker 2: those topics. I think it's just as important. You want
4:16
Speaker 2: to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe
4:20
Speaker 2: it isn't a big deal at all, but if you
4:23
Speaker 2: don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you,
4:25
Speaker 2: especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is
4:27
Speaker 2: going to eat at you. And you know, if I
4:29
Speaker 2: was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe
4:32
Speaker 2: you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better.
4:35
Speaker 1: Than I am.
4:36
Speaker 2: And I hope that you would be with somebody that
4:39
Speaker 2: would not be jealous of you, that would want you
4:42
Speaker 2: to be as successful as possible. So this might be
4:45
Speaker 2: a great way to figure out what kind of guy
4:46
Speaker 2: this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know
4:50
Speaker 2: if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect
4:52
Speaker 2: that because you know, that's just one of the ways
4:56
Speaker 2: that you go and avoid a landmine.
4:58
Speaker 1: Down the road.
4:59
Speaker 2: Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel
5:02
Speaker 2: about the woman making more money. I think if he's
5:05
Speaker 2: a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I
5:08
Speaker 2: think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's
5:10
Speaker 2: going to be a you know, kind of a gold
5:11
Speaker 2: digger going the other direction. But I think that guys
5:16
Speaker 2: might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if
5:20
Speaker 2: you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God,
5:22
Speaker 2: this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know,
5:26
Speaker 2: she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case
5:29
Speaker 2: may be. But I don't think guys are going to
5:32
Speaker 2: be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that
5:35
Speaker 2: might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let
5:38
Speaker 2: you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about
5:41
Speaker 2: their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that
5:44
Speaker 2: sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the
5:47
Speaker 2: the caution is, is this person dating you for your money?
5:51
Speaker 2: Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction.
5:54
Speaker 2: Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know
5:58
Speaker 2: is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself,
6:02
Speaker 2: that's usually something to brag about.
6:05
Speaker 1: And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you.
6:08
Speaker 2: Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because
6:10
Speaker 2: you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating
6:13
Speaker 2: is going to take care of me. So usually when
6:16
Speaker 2: we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that
6:21
Speaker 2: the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and
6:23
Speaker 2: and and someone dating him just for his money. But
6:26
Speaker 2: if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty
6:28
Speaker 2: cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further,
6:32
Speaker 2: you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know,
6:35
Speaker 2: guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous
6:39
Speaker 2: lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have
6:43
Speaker 2: gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch
6:45
Speaker 2: of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations,
6:48
Speaker 2: and I think the guy has to be mindful of
6:51
Speaker 2: are they going to be able to keep up are
6:54
Speaker 2: they going to be able to provide or or keep
6:56
Speaker 2: up with with what the with you know, what the
6:58
Speaker 2: woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that
7:02
Speaker 2: conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about
7:06
Speaker 2: expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean,
7:09
Speaker 2: love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is
7:13
Speaker 2: also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two,
7:17
Speaker 2: really finances do start to play into it. And I
7:21
Speaker 2: think that that is part of a conversation that needs
7:24
Speaker 2: to be had before you have kind of these false
7:28
Speaker 2: expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second,
7:31
Speaker 2: why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious?
7:36
Speaker 2: And that's you know, this is really a chapter two
7:40
Speaker 2: issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one,
7:43
Speaker 2: you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest
7:44
Speaker 2: of our lives together, We're going to build towards a
7:46
Speaker 2: common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind
7:49
Speaker 2: of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently.
7:52
Speaker 2: Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle,
7:56
Speaker 2: includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those
8:00
Speaker 2: have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you
8:03
Speaker 2: brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now,
8:05
Speaker 2: if we're talking about finances and we got to talk
8:07
Speaker 2: about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage
8:11
Speaker 2: and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on
8:15
Speaker 2: a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure
8:18
Speaker 2: you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing
8:19
Speaker 2: in a company a little bit. You want to make
8:21
Speaker 2: sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's
8:25
Speaker 2: always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got
8:29
Speaker 2: taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement,
8:32
Speaker 2: child support, all these sort of things, So there could
8:34
Speaker 2: be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just
8:38
Speaker 2: make a blanket statement, but I do think you need
8:41
Speaker 2: to be careful if one or other is coming into
8:43
Speaker 2: the relationship. But give you a man or woman is
8:46
Speaker 2: coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in
8:48
Speaker 2: with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off,
8:51
Speaker 2: are coming in and they're not employed or are living
8:54
Speaker 2: a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those
8:58
Speaker 2: are things to get to be very, very very mindful
9:01
Speaker 2: of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And
9:05
Speaker 2: if you are coming into it and you're going to
9:08
Speaker 2: be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got
9:11
Speaker 2: to be ready to bridge that gap all the way
9:14
Speaker 2: and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing.
9:17
Speaker 2: So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever
9:20
Speaker 2: talk about, you know, on this podcast.
9:23
Speaker 1: But there is there.
9:24
Speaker 2: You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do
9:28
Speaker 2: mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if
9:31
Speaker 2: this is a topic that is that is compelling to people,
9:34
Speaker 2: I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails,
9:38
Speaker 2: emails and we can talk about some of the less
9:41
Speaker 2: romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two,
9:45
Speaker 2: what are the things to be mindful of? What are
9:48
Speaker 2: the things that guys and girls should be looking for
9:51
Speaker 2: aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get
9:54
Speaker 2: me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you
9:57
Speaker 2: get in a different phase of your life. You know,
9:59
Speaker 2: you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about
10:04
Speaker 2: maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in
10:06
Speaker 2: their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too,
10:09
Speaker 2: this next phase of your life that have to be considered,
10:13
Speaker 2: that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well,
10:26
Speaker 2: great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on
10:29
Speaker 2: all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here
10:32
Speaker 2: with our next voicemail.
10:34
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Emily.
10:35
Speaker 3: I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto
10:38
Speaker 3: dating apps for the.
10:39
Speaker 4: Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me
10:42
Speaker 4: what we should be putting on our profile that won't
10:44
Speaker 4: make you just like swipe by immediately?
10:47
Speaker 3: Like?
10:47
Speaker 4: What are the top things that men want to see
10:50
Speaker 4: when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for
10:53
Speaker 4: your help.
10:54
Speaker 2: All right, this is a great question, now, mister right,
10:58
Speaker 2: this is what I feel. Three things have changed the
11:02
Speaker 2: trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in
11:10
Speaker 2: social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible
11:14
Speaker 2: for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the
11:18
Speaker 2: third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do
11:21
Speaker 2: you put on there? I mean, there is so much
11:26
Speaker 2: fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff,
11:29
Speaker 2: which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks
11:31
Speaker 2: and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if
11:34
Speaker 2: you're at that point in your life where you're trying
11:37
Speaker 2: to find somebody through social media or even a dating app,
11:41
Speaker 2: what should you put on there?
11:42
Speaker 1: I would say, put on the truth.
11:44
Speaker 2: I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can
11:47
Speaker 2: put some filter pictures. But if you want that first
11:50
Speaker 2: date to go to a second, and a third and
11:52
Speaker 2: a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't
11:55
Speaker 2: want to be selling a false bill of goods. And
11:57
Speaker 2: if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there.
12:02
Speaker 2: If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there.
12:05
Speaker 2: Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about
12:08
Speaker 2: the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not
12:10
Speaker 2: just for the first time, but for the first ten times.
12:13
Speaker 2: And so of course you can put you know, show
12:16
Speaker 2: pictures of what you look like in your best of best,
12:19
Speaker 2: but also put a picture in there when you've just
12:21
Speaker 2: finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day,
12:25
Speaker 2: or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess,
12:27
Speaker 2: is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam
12:30
Speaker 2: shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type
12:33
Speaker 2: of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type
12:35
Speaker 2: of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full
12:38
Speaker 2: picture of who you are. And so it's tough to
12:41
Speaker 2: say because it's not going to give you the likes
12:43
Speaker 2: and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini
12:46
Speaker 2: picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile,
12:51
Speaker 2: an honest set of pictures, I think is going to
12:53
Speaker 2: attract the right type of guy that you're going to
12:56
Speaker 2: eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know,
12:59
Speaker 2: for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure
13:04
Speaker 2: that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six
13:06
Speaker 2: foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong
13:08
Speaker 2: with being five foot five. There is something wrong at
13:11
Speaker 2: showing up for a date with a girl that thinks
13:14
Speaker 2: you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying.
13:17
Speaker 2: So just be honest about it. You can, you know,
13:19
Speaker 2: you know, you have to be obvious about it, but
13:22
Speaker 2: just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know,
13:25
Speaker 2: if you know, if you've if every hat or a
13:28
Speaker 2: picture that you have has a hat in it, then
13:29
Speaker 2: they're probably trying to hide something.
13:31
Speaker 1: Don't need to hide it.
13:32
Speaker 2: Be honest because you don't want to end up at
13:35
Speaker 2: that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever,
13:38
Speaker 2: So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your
13:42
Speaker 2: friends is important because I think a lot of times
13:44
Speaker 2: girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know,
13:46
Speaker 2: who does he hang out with?
13:47
Speaker 1: Does he have friends to begin with?
13:49
Speaker 2: Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know,
13:51
Speaker 2: smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they
13:55
Speaker 2: going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community,
13:57
Speaker 2: Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties
13:59
Speaker 2: and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos
14:02
Speaker 2: that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids,
14:05
Speaker 2: show what you like to do with your kids. I
14:07
Speaker 2: think that's an important part as well, to give kind
14:09
Speaker 2: of a full picture of the person that you are now.
14:13
Speaker 2: I would say almost the exact same thing for the
14:15
Speaker 2: women as well. In your profile, show things that you
14:18
Speaker 2: like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now,
14:22
Speaker 2: if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need
14:24
Speaker 2: to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix
14:28
Speaker 2: it up showing, you know, show the guys that might
14:30
Speaker 2: be looking at your profile the type of person that
14:32
Speaker 2: you are. Also show your friends also show if you
14:36
Speaker 2: have kids. That's important part of it as well. And
14:38
Speaker 2: especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get
14:41
Speaker 2: the first date. Think about how is this going to
14:44
Speaker 2: first date in a turn into ten dates or to
14:46
Speaker 2: maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're
14:48
Speaker 2: not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if
14:52
Speaker 2: you're if you're using too many filters, or you know,
14:55
Speaker 2: hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your
14:58
Speaker 2: eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but
15:01
Speaker 2: it's not going to work a second time. And lastly,
15:03
Speaker 2: I want to talk about this new thing that I've
15:04
Speaker 2: seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of
15:07
Speaker 2: the voice notes.
15:08
Speaker 1: I think it's great.
15:09
Speaker 2: I think every kind of like turning a person from
15:13
Speaker 2: one D into three D as much as you can
15:15
Speaker 2: is great. I think there should be video notes. I
15:17
Speaker 2: think as much of that out there as possible, I
15:20
Speaker 2: think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when
15:24
Speaker 2: you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind
15:25
Speaker 2: of expectations are going to be realized once you see
15:29
Speaker 2: them or meet them. And that's why I think it's
15:32
Speaker 2: also a great thing to talk to somebody on the
15:33
Speaker 2: phone text with them before you ever meet them, so
15:36
Speaker 2: you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of
15:37
Speaker 2: get a rhythm and a pace to the way you
15:40
Speaker 2: communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when
15:44
Speaker 2: you meet each other at the restaurant.
15:46
Speaker 1: Of the bar, wherever it is.
15:48
Speaker 2: So I'm all a fan of as many different ways
15:51
Speaker 2: to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them.
16:04
Speaker 1: All right.
16:05
Speaker 2: We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes,
16:08
Speaker 2: I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get.
16:12
Speaker 2: How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline
16:14
Speaker 2: when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel
16:17
Speaker 2: like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and
16:20
Speaker 2: I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah,
16:24
Speaker 2: great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two,
16:28
Speaker 2: we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah,
16:31
Speaker 2: you do want to date with more intention, but I'd
16:33
Speaker 2: be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your
16:38
Speaker 2: box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They
16:42
Speaker 2: might be similar, but as soon as you start putting
16:44
Speaker 2: a box into something and a deadline, the other person
16:48
Speaker 2: might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want
16:51
Speaker 2: to make sure that you are continuing to make progress,
16:53
Speaker 2: and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing,
16:56
Speaker 2: where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want
16:58
Speaker 2: to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date,
17:01
Speaker 2: I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little
17:04
Speaker 2: kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make
17:06
Speaker 2: sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the
17:10
Speaker 2: other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married.
17:13
Speaker 2: I think that stuff will come more kind of organically
17:17
Speaker 2: as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up
17:19
Speaker 2: to you to set those milestones for that other person
17:24
Speaker 2: so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great,
17:27
Speaker 2: meeting my friends is great.
17:28
Speaker 1: Okay, So put those things out there.
17:30
Speaker 2: Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily.
17:34
Speaker 2: You can talk about that's your goal in life. I
17:37
Speaker 2: do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know,
17:39
Speaker 2: have all these things and talk about those things. But
17:42
Speaker 2: as soon as you say that I want that on
17:43
Speaker 2: June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit
17:47
Speaker 2: of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which
17:49
Speaker 2: is great, but I would tend to think that the
17:52
Speaker 2: other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not
17:55
Speaker 2: the exact same one. It would be a shame to
17:58
Speaker 2: break up a relationship because you're off by a couple
18:01
Speaker 2: of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more
18:04
Speaker 2: important to women than the art of men. And again,
18:07
Speaker 2: a lot of it depends on how long has the
18:09
Speaker 2: person come out of a relationship.
18:11
Speaker 1: You know, where is where's their headspace at right now?
18:14
Speaker 2: And maybe that they you know, both people want to
18:16
Speaker 2: get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to
18:19
Speaker 2: each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of
18:21
Speaker 2: a relationship for five years. I want to get married now.
18:23
Speaker 2: The other person might say, listen, this is the third
18:25
Speaker 2: person I've dated. I just need a little bit of
18:27
Speaker 2: time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I
18:31
Speaker 2: think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in
18:35
Speaker 2: you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're
18:36
Speaker 2: first getting married, I think that there's you know, women
18:40
Speaker 2: definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because
18:43
Speaker 2: they want to have babies and they want to start
18:45
Speaker 2: a family and all these other things. In this next chapter,
18:48
Speaker 2: even though you might not think it, we have time
18:52
Speaker 2: you know, there is there is time to make sure
18:54
Speaker 2: that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace,
18:57
Speaker 2: that your finances are right, that your situations are right,
19:00
Speaker 2: kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there
19:02
Speaker 2: where it might not just be the guy or the
19:04
Speaker 2: girl that says, you know, I need some time, not
19:08
Speaker 2: because I haven't made up my decision about the other person,
19:11
Speaker 2: but because I need to get my landscape right. I
19:13
Speaker 2: need to get my life kind of organized so I
19:16
Speaker 2: can be the best partner I can be for the
19:18
Speaker 2: other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two
19:21
Speaker 2: compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully
19:25
Speaker 2: you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals.
19:27
Speaker 2: If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving
19:30
Speaker 2: in together, it is moving in together. But I would
19:33
Speaker 2: just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates,
19:37
Speaker 2: and like I said before, put in these little pieces,
19:40
Speaker 2: little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen
19:42
Speaker 2: along the way that are ultimately going to lead there.
19:45
Speaker 2: Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know,
19:50
Speaker 2: and then the other things just kind of come organically
19:54
Speaker 2: and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and
19:57
Speaker 2: protecting your heart to make sure that you know the
20:00
Speaker 2: other person is working towards the same thing that you are.
20:02
Speaker 2: But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting
20:06
Speaker 2: a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged
20:09
Speaker 2: by the end of the year, because maybe that's not
20:12
Speaker 2: quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would
20:14
Speaker 2: be a shame to mess up something really great over
20:18
Speaker 2: a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one
20:22
Speaker 2: last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it.
20:27
Speaker 4: Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is
20:33
Speaker 4: it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting
20:37
Speaker 4: when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty
20:44
Speaker 4: or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or
20:49
Speaker 4: in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera.
20:54
Speaker 2: Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy
20:58
Speaker 2: to end up with. I love it. Is it gross
21:02
Speaker 2: to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well,
21:09
Speaker 2: usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross.
21:12
Speaker 1: To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms.
21:15
Speaker 2: You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic
21:18
Speaker 2: in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on
21:21
Speaker 2: the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know,
21:25
Speaker 2: if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know
21:27
Speaker 2: what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if
21:30
Speaker 2: you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly
21:35
Speaker 2: ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified.
21:37
Speaker 1: I like the idea.
21:38
Speaker 2: I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought,
21:43
Speaker 2: but I think that I think probably sex in a
21:47
Speaker 2: park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that
21:52
Speaker 2: that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if
21:54
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm
21:56
Speaker 2: just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the
21:59
Speaker 2: bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably
22:01
Speaker 2: a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe,
22:04
Speaker 2: you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know,
22:06
Speaker 2: if you have the flexibility and if you're back and
22:08
Speaker 2: hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something
22:11
Speaker 2: that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished,
22:16
Speaker 2: you know, camping. I guess is that is that a
22:18
Speaker 2: public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not,
22:19
Speaker 2: But if it is, I think that's fine as long
22:22
Speaker 2: as you know, you haven't been camping for too long.
22:26
Speaker 2: So I think that it probably depends on the on
22:28
Speaker 2: the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know
22:34
Speaker 2: that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors,
22:36
Speaker 2: a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I
22:40
Speaker 2: think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a
22:43
Speaker 2: bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got
22:47
Speaker 2: to say that for our first time out.
22:49
Speaker 1: That was amazing.
22:49
Speaker 2: I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful
22:54
Speaker 2: questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my
22:58
Speaker 2: mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know,
23:01
Speaker 2: if you're single and in your chapter two and need
23:03
Speaker 2: some advice, call us, email us, find all the info
23:08
Speaker 2: in the show notes and make sure you follow us
23:10
Speaker 2: on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it,
23:14
Speaker 2: review it. It's great to get some response on this.
23:17
Speaker 2: This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where
23:21
Speaker 2: falling in love is the main objective.